𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖺 𝗁𝖺𝗅𝗅𝖺.

i am a greenhouse filled with ghosts.

[haludh-archive]

#𝙷𝙰𝙻𝚄𝙳𝙷 --      mutuals only, selective,  MEDIUM ACTIVITY, 21+ roleplaying blog for rogue-hunter inquisitor adahl'melana "lanaya" istimaethoriel lavellan of dragon age: inquisition. multiship, duplicate inquisitor/lavellan friendly, multiverse friendly, very oc friendly, unlikely to follow first. triggers include : violence, war, death, loss, grief, body horror, and more.

THE HERALD OF ANDRASTE. THE INQUISITOR. THE QUEEN OF CUPS. THE ARCHER. THE SHADOW. THE HUNTRESS. TO BE THE FOX, THE HALLA, THE WOLF & THE SONGBIRD ALL ROLLED INTO ONE. THE WOMAN WHO LEAD US ALL.

A STUDY IN : loss of personhood, the sacrifice of duty, religious symbolism, trying to stay true to yourself during war, the hunter & the hunted; predator and prey, the chosen one, struggling through identity & leadership, the fox & the wolf, messiah rejection, being forced into a duty you never wanted nor asked for, slowly losing your own religion, the yearn & burden for knowledge, born into longing, the universe, the queen of cups, sisterhood, wanting to run back into the woods, never again shall we submit.

TRAVELING ALONGSIDE : @magusri, @vorashvan, @incitesin, @makebrave, @fenanera, @starfares. BLOGROLL : @untaimed, @raehs.

RULES. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ HC MASTERPOST. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ PLAYLIST. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎PINTEREST. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ SIDEBLOG. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ PROMPTS. ‎‎     ‎ ‎ ‎ OPEN STARTERS.

credit : base icon template (edited by me) is by stephysource, caps are taken by me, lanaya's model is by me, psds are mixed together with unknown names bc i've had them for so long and there isnt a url attached to the file, pinned template is by holdthgirl, art in pinned is by bariumborate who has since delete their tumblr blog, current icon is unknown as its been reposted so many times across pinterest, tumblr and other websites.

[haludh-archive]

moved ! now at @haludh.

[haludh-archive]

this blog is gonna go on a mini hiatus until i can properly move on my next day off. not having tags or a search function that works really stresses me out esp when i want to find things without going into my archive and hunt for something also i feel bad for how inaccessible my blog is if someone else wanted to look for an old thread or find something.

[haludh-archive]

@haludh

[haludh-archive]

this blog is gonna go on a mini hiatus until i can properly move on my next day off. not having tags or a search function that works really stresses me out esp when i want to find things without going into my archive and hunt for something also i feel bad for how inaccessible my blog is if someone else wanted to look for an old thread or find something.

[haludh-archive]

@haludh

[haludh-archive]

this blog is gonna go on a mini hiatus until i can properly move on my next day off. not having tags or a search function that works really stresses me out esp when i want to find things without going into my archive and hunt for something also i feel bad for how inaccessible my blog is if someone else wanted to look for an old thread or find something.

[haludh-archive]

@haludh

[haludh-archive]

this blog is gonna go on a mini hiatus until i can properly move on my next day off. not having tags or a search function that works really stresses me out esp when i want to find things without going into my archive and hunt for something also i feel bad for how inaccessible my blog is if someone else wanted to look for an old thread or find something.

[lone-blade]

HIS GAZE FINDS HER THEN, and a sad sort of smile captures his lips. Few understood the pain of losing a twin; the empty void left within one's chest. To share a womb with another is...particularly binding. To lose them is another type of pain entirely.

talking about them helps.

Carver wonders briefly how many alive now actually remembered her; knew her name or the way the room would light up with her laugh. His chest aches at the thought of her memory dying with him one day. "Her name was Bethany. She was a mage, a bit more suited to books than fighting, but she would knock anyone on their arse if needed." he laughs lowly, head shaking while his full weight rests against the stone wall. "She gave me a black eye once after I nailed her pigtails to the headboard."

"Your twin, what was their name?"

[haludh-archive]

it had been nearly ten years since lanaya lost her sister and even more since she lost her elder sister, but it would always feel like it happened yesterday. the grief and the sorrow that came with it never quite went away. it was something she dealt with and had accepted -- there was no moving on and no healing, not truly. only the memories she had, and yet ... memories faded. sometimes she wondered if she made up what they looked like in her head, did she truly remember them how they were? or had she created another version of them?

" sounds like it was deserved, " lanaya laughs.

" her name was taralin, or just tara. she liked to say she was the elder one, it made her feel confident, i think, something to be proud of. so i let her. " it was weird to talk about her, as not many asked lanaya about her family. she was very private in that way, she didn't want to tell all of skyhold the things about her that she considered to be personal. " we were identical, nobody could tell us apart. which we used whenever we could, of course. "

[kinlochs]

--

Arousal slams into him like a tidal wave. He isn't sure what causes it first: the sharp pressure on his ear, the way his gaze sticks and follows the sweat beading between her breasts, or the absolute filth that the Inquisitor tells him.

'I bet you've thought about it, too. Got off on it when you were alone, maybe? I know I have.'

Maker's breath. He was a dead man.

"I--" Cassian started, then stuttered, a laugh (albeit surprised) dropping from his lips. The entire interaction suddenly spurred him to use his size as an advantage; his fingers pressed so hard into Lanaya's thighs that they would surely bruise into a pretty plum-color shortly. He swung their weights and rolled them over to pin Lanaya instead. Every sigh, every cant of his hips was made in reverence of the woman beneath him, even while he reached upwards and grasped the headboard with one hand.

"Yes," he finally admitted. His crystalline blue eyes darkened into something nearly feral. This was no civilized circle mage, this was a man driven to desperation. "I want that. I need it. I need you, Lan. I think about you -- all the time." Cassian stopped and brought his mouth to the softness of her stomach. His tongue licked a long stripe up the length of her body where the sweat had trailed before. Then, he moved to the swell of each breast, taking each nipple into his mouth to suck and worry his teeth upon until they were sensitive and pert.

"You are mine. I don't care, I'll make you say it," he hissed, sliding into her roughly and bringing their hips together harshly, setting a steady pace. Where he had caged himself to loom over the shorter woman, he now fisted Lan's hair to make her look at him; to make her look at the desperate mess she has made of him. "You wanted me to fuck you? Fine."

[haludh-archive]

💘

lanaya couldn’t prevent the smirk on her lips or the excitement in her eyes when he grabbed her and put her on her back. there was something so thrilling about being handled. she wasn’t made a glass nor was she a porcelain doll, she wasn’t going to break if you gave her bruises or you were rough with her.

“ show me, “ lanaya commanded in a sharper tone. “ show me what you fantasize about. “ she doesn’t ask, she tells him to do it outright. she licks her lips and melts as he kisses down her body. she combs her fingers through his unkept hair, pulling harshly and gasping when he dragged his teeth along her nipples. it was unexpected and pleasant in so many ways. goosebumps arose on her hot skin where he touched her. “ when it was late and you thought about me … fucked into your hand to the idea … show me what that fantasy looked like … “ she taunts him to spur him forward, just like every single day when he taunted her to get on her nerves.

she jolts when they join together again, electricity felt throughout her entire body. “ oh, don’t act like you don’t like it. “ she grabs him by the side of his face and pulls him down until their lips crashed together in desperation.

[gutterbrat]

hi. fuck ice. here is how you can help families affected by unlawful deportation

edit: and FUCK LAPD. here is how you can help bail out protestors who are in the trenches, facing mass arrests and putting their bodies on the line.

[gutterbrat]

will update this with verified gofundmes being distributed by the community:

father detained while working his job at orange county car wash: gofundme

[likeorpheus]

Google Doc and Excel spreadsheets with immigration resources here:

Here and here

Other currently active links and gofundme pages

Urgent Aid for LA families of 14 detained: gofundme

Help my family reunite - immigration justice: gofundme

Help fund my dad's immigration fees: gofundme

[kinlochs]

"No." Cassian responded far too quickly, nearly snapping, though he leaned back and fell silent. There was an unspoken apology there that he could not bring himself to say, though it swam in his eyes like rough seas. "I did not want to wait. Not after I received your letter. I... would have rather kept myself occupied, as it were."

It was easier to deal with having lost years of his life if he was too preoccupied with the current set of problems. He didn't need to worry about the demons, or the age that shaped his body, or the lurking fear that any day now he would begin to hear the Calling.

"In your letter it seemed you had a lot to tell me, anyways. Something about risen Gods and a new, violent Blight? That last part wasn't difficult to discern. I've had the willies ever since I woke up," Cassian joked half-heartedly. "Darkspawn were crawling all over themselves on the Imperial Highway, too."

Perhaps he kept talking because he could not stand the silence that would inhabit the space instead. Perhaps he kept speaking because he couldn't bear the thought of letting Lanaya out of his sight now that he had her. This close, he could count her freckles. This close, he could spot the miniscule white pieces of hair that had sprouted near her scalp. This close, he could not forget for a single moment that he was still in love with her after all of these years.

As much as those things were true, it was also true that the energy between them was stilted and awkward. Lanaya kept her hands behind her back and it shadowed her stance when speaking as the Inquisitor. He yearned to take her hands in his own, to hold her and revel in being able to hold her, but none of these things seem possible.

[haludh-archive]

" yes … ghilan’nain and elgar’nan, ancient elven gods, or mages as they used to be. solas, who was actually fen’harel — the dread wolf. he sealed them away in a prison when he put up the veil and in his ritual to take the veil down … it was disrupted and they got out and he’s now trapped inside. since then, there’s been a town in the north that’s become infected with the blight — in a blood sacrifice by ghilan’nain, i’m told. the people who remain there lost their minds in the process ... it’s ironic — she’s the mother of the halla, our most cherished and beloved creatures. i chose my vallaslin in their honor. " she puts an emphasis on the creature themselves instead of the so-called god.

standing with her hands behind her might have been her go-to when speaking as the inquisitor, but it also prevented her from appearing nervous or worried, which is exactly how she felt when face-to-face with cassian. the years had not been kind to him, which was no surprise. yet, his eyes were the same and his voice was the same. he was still cassian under the long hair and overgrown beard. " the blight is different, the darkspawn are different. the gods control the darkspawn and the blight and the venatori are working for the gods. ghilan’nain’s archdemon was killed by a group up north when —, “ she finally looks at cassian, unsure if she should continue. despite her best efforts, her face twists. she's never been good at hiding her expressions.

" when weisshaupt fell to darkspawn. i'm sorry, cassian. "

[haludh-archive]

will likely start setting up a new blog sometime today, tho it won’t be done for awhile bc i want new graphics + finish the promo i’m working on to kick it off. but in the meantime i’m at @moonsprung.

[haludh-archive]

can i rp with u 👉🏼👈🏼

ew no

[kinlochs]

Lanaya's voice rings out across the courtyard and it immediately halts him in his path. It's been so long that it feels like he's been doused with cold water—a shock to the body, so unused to the real thing now that she was here. How long had he spent denying the demons in the Fade while they wore her face? How long had she they mocked him or repeated the last angry words of their conversation?

There's no point in hiding. Maker, he doesn't want to. Not after all of these years. It didn't matter what had happened in his absence, she was still Lanaya, and that was enough.

He turns slowly, somewhat nervous to let her see how the years had taken a toll on him. His once youthful face now looked more severe and hard-edged, a full beard and long, shaggy hair haphazardly pulled back into a low ponytail. She—she had only grown more regal in the time they've been apart.

"No, it's the Queen of Antiva," Cassian responds quick-witted and sharply. He aims for a smile and misses a little, but there's a distinct curve upwards and a warmth in his chest. "I was going to surprise you after I had gotten a bath, at least. I smell like a farm full of nugs, if you must know. I don't think it's considered proper to wander around Skyhold as if I had just come off of the street."

[haludh-archive]

her features soften when she finally sees his face. she was sure he looked more like himself under the unkept beard. above all, she noted that he looked tired.

" you know, " she pauses. " i do recall telling you to stay on bedrest until you get better. if you did, you could have taken a bath, i'm sure. " her tone is teasing, but stern, there's even a hint of worry. her hands rest at the small of her back, as they always did. it was a force of habit, she never knew what to do with her hands and letting them fall to her sides felt awkward. " besides, i like nugs. they have an earthy smell to them. "

" i'll let you go, then? you know your way around. and if you don't want me to see you ... we can ... redo this later ? ... if that makes you feel better. " she realizes she doesn't know how to talk to him. she's nervous, and worried. she's also angry at herself for how she spoke to him last, angry at him for what he did, angry at him for showing up when she needed him to stay safe and get better, angry that she'd have to catch him up and talk about about that day in the crossroads and every day that followed -- not to mention her anger towards what was happening around them, her own gods, her (former) best friend trying to destroy the world ... she was feeling a lot of things and none of them were very positive.

[haludh-archive]

also want to make a note of it but if you see me unfollow you and you didn't sb, i did not unfollow you on purpose !! tumblr did it !! i always softblock. i noticed earlier that tumblr unfollowed at least one person but idk if there's more than that.

[haludh-archive]

shes rly 🤨🤨

[kinlochs]

The faintest sardonic smile twinged at the corner of Cassian's lips. In this light, it was difficult to parse his expression, but his body sagged in a downtrodden manner. There was no right way to break someone's heart, let alone Lanaya's. For all of his pleading in her to be selfish, it was now that he was the one being selfish.

"I can't let Hawke do that, and you know this," Cassian argues, but it has no real venom behind it. He has resigned to his fate: there is no fight in him to entertain contesting it. Steadily, he had been sapping his own life force to heal their party at a constant rate, lest they all fall in the Fade.

Lanaya's voice makes his heart become stuck in his throat. His breath hitches, and for a moment, he looks regretful.

"I'm sorry," Cassian repeats fruitlessly. Then, he reaches across and takes her hand--the one shining with the anchor, the one undoubtedly causing her pain. In one last gesture, he channels the remainder of his mana into soothing the pain until they returned.

He kissed her cheek chastely, unlike all the times before. In her ear, he whispered, "You will always have all of me, Adahl'melana."

[haludh-archive]

sadness is immediately replaced with anger. " no i will not! because you’ll be here, trapped, alone. i’ll never see you again. we were —, " she’s finding it hard to speak but she pulls through. " — supposed to do more. " she wanted to yell at him, accuse him of making her fall in love with him only for him to pull this ridiculous stunt. she wanted to live. above all; she wanted to do it with him. she wanted to see the end of corypheus and figure out a life together with him at her side.

it wasn’t that she would feel comfortable letting either cassian or hawke stay behind — they both had entire lives and friends outside of this nightmare. none of this was fair. she had already paid such a high price since the anchor became imbedded in her skin. the world continued to take from her. why her? and why him?

she aggressively pulls her hand away from him. " fine, stay here. " there's a look of defeat in her golden eyes -- and the inquisitor would never admit to defeat unless absolutely necessarily.

she flips between anger and sadness, her mind couldn't make up which one to settle on. she's angry at him for forcing it on her, angry that he's the one making the decision, angry that he's being the sacrificial hero all grey wardens were. she was also deeply sad for all the reasons she was angry.

" goodbye, cassian, " she grabs his hand again, the same one she rejects mere moments before. " i'll never forget you. "

[haludh-archive]

your character lays their head on lanaya’s lap. she’s singing softly to them, maybe an old dalish song or something from the alienage. she’s playing with your characters hair and/or braiding their hair. or she’s soothingly massaging the back of their neck to their shoulders. (‘: