This Is A Mess

Capricorn/Slytherin/ bisexual/ art history student/ French

[diioonysus]

hand kissing + art

[homunculus-argument]

My favourite fan theory about anything is "Gandalf fucked a hobbit once", as an explanation as to why he's so invested in them. Like several generations ago, purely by happenstance he just happened to encounter a fearless Took lass who decided to Fuck That Old Man and by the powers of supreme hobbit reproduction skills, the natural happens.

So Gandalf just goes "ah well fuck, gotta fix this", somehow makes sure she's arranged an excellent marriage, and pays her future husband a visit like "just a heads-up you're going to have an early, unexpectedly large and supremely excellent child and you are going to be nothing but loving and proud of your firstborn, or she is going to become a very rich young widow whose husband tragically died of a mysterious case of Killed By A Wizard, ok?"

And after that he's been visiting here and there to discreetly keep track of which ones are his descendants, and then after keeping track of all of them becomes too much work, decides to narrow down to the ones he's deemed to take after him (the ones the other hobbits think are weird, mostly) until deciding that Bilbo was his favourite. Probably has zero wizard blood in him by now and Gandalf doesn't even consider the hobbits he's been keeping tabs on as his offspring in any way anymore, it's basically a hobby to him by now.

So any time other Maiar or other immortal races notice him keeping an eye on the hobbits and ask him what's his deal with the halflings anyway, he just shrugs and goes "idk I just think they're neat."

[bigscaryd]

Please, as if any respectable hobbit would need such a talking to. Hobbits accept that sometimes babies come early, sometimes they come despite a long absence, sometimes they don't resemble you at all. Still your child.

A proper hobbit man would cut off his own toes before questioning his parentage of a child born to his wife, no matter what he might not have done or, indeed, seen her actively doing.

[homunculus-argument]

True, but it's not like Gandalf would necessarily know that.

Imagine a big frightening wizard ominously manifesting into your house to scarily tell you that under a very thinly veiled threat of death, you should do something that you were 100% going to do anyway, without having even considered that anyone might do otherwise.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

so, like...he hooked up with the husband too?

[systlin]

Yes

[batstolovers]

𝔊𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔠 𝔄𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔠 (x)

[uovoc]

Knowing that Howl went "Fuck finishing this PhD, I'm ditching this universe to go chase girls, consort with demons, and live my wizard ladykiller dreams, while owning my own home at age 27" makes him much more understandable as a character

[whimsigothwitch-deactivated2026]

Whimsical interior

[die-rosastrasse]

François Martin-Kavel & pink fabrics

French, 1861-1931

[paystaroll]

my top ten actors are barbie in her 2001-2015 movies

[texaschainsawmascara]

Unknown / Down In A Hole - Alice In Chains / Devil In Me - Halsey / To the Countess of Blessington - Lord Byron / The Lament for Icarus - Herbert James Draper / Angel On Fire - Halsey / Cocoa Hooves - Dave Bayley / Bloodsport, “When Rome Falls” - Yves Olade / Stone Milk, “The Myth of Medea” - Anne Stevenson

[queeranne]

reblog if you like girls and pasta

[bimbogollum]

Attended a powerpoint party last night and I thought I’d share my Hot Takes with you all

[ladystardust422]

I don’t wanna hook up and casual date I want a romance like in the 2000s era Barbie films with the Ballet dancing included.

[tamaharu]

the thing is, i think horror needs to have a little love. it needs to have an obsession. does the parasite in your body love you? it raises you from the dead, it sustains you. this is its body. this is your body. does the haunted house feel intruded upon? is it hungry? what is hatred but adoration?

[vampiresintheattic]

I really would’ve liked if Bella had a special interest in history and fashion and antiques cause like imagine the Cullens don’t get discovered by solely because of Edward but because Bella notices shit about their clothes and how they talk and is like “huh.” And also I think the Cullens forgetting how time works since they’re immortal and don’t sleep is just a funny concept

- she’s like “hey Edward does your family go antiquing” and he’s like “uh no why do you ask” “oh it’s just your sister Rosalie’s broach is from the 1957 spring collection of-”

- “why is your edition of Macbeth from 1911?”

- “does it bother you that your brother Jasper calls it the war of northern aggression like wtf is that”

- “yknow Emmett asked me if Charlie was a soldier in World War II”

- “Alice just asked me if I watch I Love Lucy on the tube? Is she being ironic?”

- “Ever notice how your dad says thou sometimes?” And “When I was at the hospital I saw him cross ‘hysteria’ out of my patient notes”

- “your mom must really like Gibson girl updos, she’s always sporting one at the store”

- “I’m like sixty percent the sweater you’re wearing was dyed using arsenic”

[valtsv]

i can't vibe with anyone who thinks icarus was an ignorant idiot for flying too close to the sun. "oh i'd never do that i would have remembered my father's warning and been fine". do you seriously think that after years of imprisonment, feeling the sun on your face and the open air beneath your wings, you would be able to focus on anything but the joy of being alive and free? do you actually think that if you were given the opportunity to go where nobody has never been before, you wouldn't want to push it to the limit? to dare to be the first to try what no one else has ever even thought possible? do you honestly think you're too good for your own human nature? look me in the eyes and tell me if i strapped a pair of wings to your back that could take you wherever you wanted to go whenever you pleased that you'd be careful and sensible about it. you are not better than icarus just because you have the benefit of his example.

[valtsv]

[frownyalfred]

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!

He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!

Alfred: Oh my you’re right

There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well

(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING

[welshronin]

Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!

Alfred:

[dragonpuppies]

Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”

[frownyalfred]

@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this

[qwertyu858]

[trader-j0e]

[a-boy-too-weird]

Bruce: I have a code.

Alfred: And I have a gun.

[dadzawa-adopt-dabi]

Bruce: time to remove the guns.

Alfred: good fucking luck.

[frankenmouse]

I’ve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnet’s addition and found that it deserves a reblog.

[aliceblakeart]

Patroclus and Achilles as portrayed in The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller ✨

[residentapothecary]

I couldn’t resist making this, it was too wholesome

We were robbed of the father/son bond with Jango and Boba and that angers me

[notreallybeccab-deactivated2023]

THIS IS EVERYTHING

[theclonewarsbrokeme]

This is really. C U T E??