he does know something about it. being the center of attention was never a role steve took on easily. before the war, it wasn’t much of a concern. the only times he got attention was when he demanded it with his voice loud && fists raised high ( and even then, he was often ignored. )
during the tour, he was forced to play a role for the war office. he did so because he believed it was the only thing left he had to do to help with the war effort – but that doesn’t mean his dignity didn’t take a hit or two.
and during the war && after, steve still has to play that role. the only difference is, he’s no longer wearing tights or tiny shorts. just about everything is the same, or worse. people expect him to be a mechanism in their agenda when he’s much more comfortable leaving politics to the politicians.
of course, he has his opinions. but he also knows the impact captain america can make && wants to avoid using what should be a symbol for everyone, for a small few.
he likes barrish && the rest of the hammond family. they say the things he would love to say if not for the flag on his chest.
❝ — it’s okay, ❞ he assures him as they walk along the path, ❝ you’re probably right. though, i have a friend back in new york who would probably argue that it’s better to play ball with them. at least, then you’re part of the game. ❞
but steve doesn’t take tony’s advice too often.
❝ i guess, it’s not as easy when it’s been your entire life. ❞
❛ i think most people start out thinking that way ❜ his well-shined shoe kicks up a spray of rocks as he drags his foot a little. ideals are one of the first things to be ground away in the world of politics. the beast of compromise rears its head and snaps away at it until neither side is satisfied but everyone still shakes hands.
sometimes it worked that way in his own house, in arguments with dougie his parents moderated, in trying to convince his mom to let him go to cancun back when he was nineteen and eager to be stupid.
❛ things just sort of... have a habit of never going the way you plan. ❜ his shoulders lift and drop quickly, nonchalantly summing up his entire life. though, truth be told tj never really had a plan for his life. that was doug with the big dreams, that was his mother and father trying desperately to find him a place to fit all of his wrong angles and become--- what? respectable, maybe. normal.
he’d like to be... happy. that’s as far as the daydreams go, now. some vague warmth, like sunshine on your face after a nap. some general feeling of contentment that wraps around him. but how do you chase an emotion?
❛ you mean... with the politics and campaigns and media. ❜ the corners of his mouth tick downwards, head inclining slightly to the side. ❛ i mean, it’s not the only measure of normal i’ve got, you know. before dad got elected, i grew up on family land. lots of trees, sorta like this. it’s an upper-middle class normal, but hey, it’s better than... ❜ he makes an expansive gesture with one hand to indicate himself and this whole dance of networking and galas and smiling for cameras.
❛ i know what it’s supposed to be like. ❜
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