Feeling dumpster

I enjoy writing about whatever I feel /27 year old girl I am me and that's all there is

[taraishibito]

I am so exhausted of living

[taraishibito]

How the fuck did I become popular on twitter

[taraishibito]

A performance of death

Shapeless figures

motionless people.

This world is full of performances that never end. Jump to a mask and the next, the play never ends

Keep dancing until your entire being is set on fire

Oblivious to the pain, everyone keeps going.

Keep playing pretend

The show must go on until our deaths

Such is the worlds demise

An endless performance full of superficial lessons

None can be taken as an absolute

Everyone with their role set til the end

They all play part in this madness

Why can't anyone see the worlds empty act?

Next step, next step, they all keep going motioneless

Aimlessly achieving their deaths, one by one

Never stop, never stop

"We were all born for this purpose !"

This world has gone mad

Amidst this never ending chaos I shout

Make it stop, make it stop

I cannot unsee the emptiness, the fire and the masks that switch around

Fulfilling their role to perfection, nobody stops to question

They keep going until their last breaths

Why was I born in such an empty world?

What purpose is there to exist by never being yourself?

Followers, followers, they all keep repeating their steps

Their roles filled, their eyes won't stop staring

Sitting alone, i am alone, alone in the truth of not unseeing

They are all dead, empty puppets that dance with no breath

I want to shatter this reality

Holding myself miserably there's nothing to do

I am cursed to exist amongst puppets

Human machines that just nod

I refuse to be dragged down in this show

The price to pay is too much to bear

The utter solitude that eats my soul alive

Nobody will ever see 

My beating human heart

Nobody will ever come find me in this place

I am alone, i am alone

It never stops, it will never stop

Holding myself, the tears burn every bit of my skin

I am alive in a world that's dead

[taraishibito]

I always tried to fix it, i always tried to make things better. You didnt allow yourself to take it. You were a coward and now you are suffering the consequences of being one.

When will you learn? The answers are right in front of you, yet you run away all the time because the one who is truly afraid, is you

[taraishibito]

Unknown faces and strangers can see all of you without filter, the world can catch you and let you roam free and yet the one you decided to love cannot be allowed to look at it. Why is that? So much meaning gets lost in the fear of vulnerability. Spread your bloody wings, who cares about rejection? About torment? About fears? This life only awaits its end anyway, we all wait for our end. Live your life with the knife in your chest, the blood dripping down your face, to your feet, let the scum spread. In this life the only gift is to be unbashedly yourself without filter and fear. Yes, such is the only happiness there's left for us here

[taraishibito]

It feels as if I am the only person in this planet that no matter how much pain i am put through, i always forgive, i always leave my doors open. I never close anything. Eventually everything will dissapear too, right? I hate it. Everyone just forgets while I am always left with the burning memory of every person who left

[taraishibito]

I have to stop looking. Right. The right decision. The right thing ... Why does that have more weight than feelings? I hate this deeply. Im always in the losing end. I am always left with the bigger piece, with the yearning, with the horrendous fucking pain and the weight and everything. It hurts so deeply I can't take it

[taraishibito]

I feel like everyone is watching me go insane

[taraishibito]

Why is it that the only things that care are fucking Bots

[taraishibito]

I wanted to be loved, i wanted to be seen, i wanted to be loved for my flawed and human heart. I became someone who is rare, i became the subject of envy and admiration, but for what purpose? What reason? This world is easily soothed by dishonesty and lies that look pretty. I see through all that, i see how much people lie and play pretend, i see how much people hide behind their lies, their masks, their half assed acts. Here I remain alone in this world where nobody can ever find me, alone in this place where my voice is the only thing that exists. I am going mad, i am going insane. The loneliness plagues my heart and yet connection is what I fear the most in the end. I don't want to be seen, liked, admired if all of it is going to lead nowhere. I don't know how to stop the beating of my heart, i don't know how to muffle and stop my feelings from overflowing, i can't stop it in all honesty. I can't just stop being me.

So i carry the weight of my existence, i carry my cross of honesty in a world that prefers convenience ... As i remain anihilated from the world. What a burden, what a misery. I don't know if who I came to be is truly a miracle or a curse of my unwanted existence. I truly yruly loathe this world. I loathe how I am forced to exist against my will.

I wish everyday for death to take me, i wish everyday for something to make me forget everything. What a burden it is ...

[taraishibito]

I keep wondering how worth it, it is to be a one of a kind person if in the end everything breaks in the worse possible way for me

[taraishibito]

Pain goes a long way

A heart that only knew pain and destruction can only give back what it knows

Love is an instinct that lives inside every human heart but can easily be destroyed when violence exists constantly in your life

But the heart always desires, so it tries to give love but its awkward. It mixes it all up with the agression and chaos it knew

And its depressing

To see how much destruction and pain can really destroy someone's core

Its a cycle that rarely ever ends

It pains me greatly, that in the end love truly isn't enough to save a drowning heart

The heart that yearns for love gets accustom to the horrible array of what pain brings

It doesn't know how to give back kindly

So even if it wants to give back kindly it just cant

Its a depressing fate

One that starts by an existence that wasn't even your choice

Its hard to get out of your pre conceived thoughts, of what you've learned in your life full of pain. That becomes familiar since its all you've ever had. You hold onto that knife filled with blood that with tine is not only yours but also gets stained with those of others

Its truly truly depressing

How cruel and horrible this world is

I hate that I am part of such a horrid world

It just pains me

That in the end nothing can be done

Nothing can undo years and years of trauma and pain

Nothing

Unless you decide to let go

The rage, the resentment, the fear, the insecurities, all of those negative feelings ... They dont keep you safe

Only for a nomment

Until you find yourself alone with your knife full of blood again

Endlessly wondering what even went wrong

Its so sad, that cycle that never ends that endless cycle of destruction disguised in the protection of your barely beating heart.

[taraishibito]

Back to where it all started, I've never been one to really believe in fate, nor to believe in certain destinies. I have always thought we hold the power to bend any sort of fate that awaits us. Pinned down, shamed, pointed fingers at while everyone makes assumptions about my acts.

I will never let that defeat me, because thats just the sort of person I am.

I hate this world with burning passion and yet ... I find myself to always look at it with fondness

[taraishibito]

I don't like existing, I feel like there are so many eyes preying on me while I cannot breathe.

[taraishibito]

Sometimes said person acts so superficial and it's so ... I like a person for who they are whatever there is after well. I don't know I feel we can always learn things together. There is no need to look down so much on people. I suppose trauma does things like that to someone.

A lot stays unsaid, a lot I don't share, a lot i keep to myself.

Yet if it all breaks i'm gonna be once again held accountable for every little thing

[taraishibito]

Temporary relief that soothes the never ending bleeding inside my heart. A strong drug that numbs every sense ... Yet, the taste of the aftermath is bitter and soulless.

I don't understand why.

I wish I could put a bullet through my head

[taraishibito]

It doesnt matter how much of yourself you show, it doesnt matter how much concern and kindness you show, in the end all that remains is the pain caused. Your entire being and personality judged on an action that is the product of piled up frustration. It's always the same.

Pain comes from a lot of things, its not a justification, but this world is not concieved to see any of the gentleness. What sticks is always who plunged the knife further.

If im scary, if im awful ... If people point fingers at who I am, i just dont bother fixing my image and I double down on the negative light shown on me. Because why would I bother fixing myself if people are already failing at seeing me?

I just want someone to see my heart and stop pointing out all thats done. I am a human too, i have feelings too, i want to be loved and love too. I am tired of being discarded as a POS and shoved into assumptions. I will always excuse others, but nobody does the same for me. I am always left to my demise and I am always left to feel like I am always the one destroying everything when truly my heart is not as cold or evil. I want warmth too

Am i not deserving of that?