we'll be a fine line @hanacinnyc - Tumblr Blog

Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but [ HANA CHOI ], a [ 34 ] year-old [ CISFEMALE ] has lived in [ MANHATTAN ] for [ 34 YEARS ]. This is the city of dreams and [ SHE ] knows it, because they came to NYC to be an [ FIRST GRADE TEACHER ]. Well, that and as an [ FIRST LOVE ] to [ KAL HYUN-JIN ]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [ IM JINAH ]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

#ENYC.INTRO

bcllet:

camila felt sick to her stomach ― not because she felt caught out by some secret that wasn’t even true, but because she couldn’t figure out for anything how a rumor like that would even start spreading. everything had been going so well for her the past few days and now it all was shattered again. and it felt like there was no hope in making some people believe her secret was nothing but a lie.

she desperately needed a drink to calm down all the thoughts in her head because it felt like saving things right now nearly seemed impossible. everyone was on edge and this masquerade was ruined in every way imaginable. oh, how she wished now that she would have just stayed home…

the second she approached the bar, her hazel eyes fell onto a familiar figure. every other time, camila probably wouldn’t have hold back a stupid comment. the two women weren’t trying to hide their contempt towards each other. contempt that was purely made out of jealousy, in a sense. possessiveness, even. but after reading through her secret on the phone, camila couldn’t deny that she actually felt for hana. if it was true or not, no one should go through something like that. ❝ sad to see you’d think of me as someone that would continue to kick an already beaten person. ❞ camila nodded towards the bartender and ordered whiskey. yes, she needed something heavy in this moment. she didn’t care if she had to dance in a few days again. ❝ seriously, hana ― ❞ and there it was, actual concern in her voice for the other. ❝ are you okay ? because i assume he didn’t know about it, did he ? ❞

Hana was quiet for a long moment, hating the way that her eyes immediately welled up with the tears she had been trying to fight back. She knew that Camila wasn’t that type of person, to kick someone while they were already down. Cami had always been a good person. She knew that the anger came from a place of care and protection rather than actual malice. It’s not like Hana could blame the other woman. She had just upped and left. Ran in the midst of the night with a note and her own heart breaking. If she was Camila then she would have hated Hana just as much she was sure the woman did. It came from a place of deep caring and Hana was forever thankful that Jin had someone like that in his life.

Letting out a sharp breath, Hana took off the mask and wiped quickly at her wet cheeks. As embarrassing as it was to cry in front of the other woman she couldn’t really find it in her to care in that moment. “Of course he didn’t know. I was scared. He didn’t want that. He spent seven years with me and he still didn’t want it. I didn’t want to see the way he looked at me change. I was just...twenty-five and still so stupid. It was a false positive, but I already had ran at that point. I couldn’t just... show back up. I hurt him and I hurt him bad. It’s just something I have to live with.”

Hana couldn’t stop the slight sob that escaped her, her hand going over her mouth. How embarrassing. Though, she’d have to be embarrassed about it later. There really was no shame coming from her in that moment with how fiercely her heart ached.

#int: ftf #int: event #int: camila #event: camila #camila: 002 #alcohol tw

no matter where i go, no matter what i do, i’ll never be twenty-three with anyone but you...

a hana choi & kal hyun-jin playlist.

#ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ muse inspo.

event starter for @bcllet

Hana felt like all eyes were on her. She knew that wasn’t true, it seemed like that everyone was enduring dirty secrets being spilt out but her nerves made it feel like far too many eyes were on her. She wasn’t even sure how someone found out. The way her stomach was flipping itself inside out was enough to send her to the bar and order a water, fingers gripping loosely around her phone. She wanted to ignore it every time it seemed to vibrate.

“Fuck—” the woman breathed out sharply, eyes squeezed shut behind her mask, “Fuck, fuck—” she cursed, trying to calm down. The presence of someone coming up beside her had Hana pausing, unwilling to open her eyes quite yet. Letting out a long breath, Hana finally opened her eyes and looked to the side, it taking a moment to realize just who it was. “...come to tell me off some more? Suppose it’s warranted in this moment. Go ahead, get your ‘I knew it’s out while you can.”

#int: event #int: ftf #event: camila #camila: 002 #int: camila #bcllet #anxiety tw

event starter for: @xfhyxnjxn

Hana was nervous to even be at the masquerade, if she was being honest. She didn’t know exactly how she wanted to proceed about this. Should she avoid Jin? Maybe Cami to avoid some sort of argument? Her stomach churned nervously as she took in the crowd of people, face hidden behind her butterfly mask. Well. It would be easier than she thought to avoid them she supposed with the way she couldn’t tell who was who. Coming alone had it perks. The woman was happy to keep to herself, bidding on an auction for a quick dance and kiss on the cheek from a dancer. It was harmless enough, not thinking she’d actually win.

Approached by who she assumed was the dancer in question, Hana flashed a quick smile. “Dance time?” Hana asked with a soft laugh, trying to ease out of the nerves that were building up.

#int: ftf #int: event #event: kal #ftf: kal #kal: 004

xfhyxnjxn:

Kal: You’re saying these things about caring about me and staying and I can’t trust you.

Kal: I don’t.

Kal: You left. You left me and now you’re back and you’re asking me to what? Have not moved on? To still be the same little boy who followed along at your heels?

Kal: She loves me. She asked me. She wants me.

Kal: I don’t understand. I’m sorry but I don’t.

[ ... ]

[ … ]

HANA: You always did know just what buttons to jab at.

HANA: That’s fine. I’m not asking you to trust me. If you don’t, then that’s fine.

HANA: I’m not asking you to do any of that, Jin. I’m just asking you to think about what it is you’re doing. Do you really think it’s a good idea to marry a 25 year old?

HANA: You’re not unlovable, Hyun-Jin. You’re the most amazing person I know. I apologize if I over stepped. I’m just trying to look out for you.

HANA: I’ll back off. I’m sorry.

#int: text #text: kal #kal: 003

xfhyxnjxn:

Kal: Why do you do this to me?

Kal: You know I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never once tried to do anything that would cause you harm.

HANA: Do what, Jin? Please tell me what I’m doing that’s harming you. That’s never my intention in the slightest.

HANA: I know you don’t. You still have. I still have hurt you. We both have done things that we didn’t intend to do in a harmful way. I’m just trying to understand your thought process in doing this. So please, feel free to explain it me.

HANA: I care for you so much. Please understand where I am coming from.

#int: text #text: kal #kal: 003

xfhyxnjxn:

Kal: When was this?

Kal: I can’t believe you would presume to know what would be best for me.

HANA: Not long ago. I ran into her and just wanted to say hi, introduce myself.

[ … ]

HANA: Right. I don’t know what you want me to say here, Hyun-Jin. If hurting my feelings makes you feel better then fine. I’m not a villain for trying to look out for you after I made mistakes.

HANA: I owned up to what I did and asked for forgiveness. I can only hope that one day I am lucky enough to earn it fully. Forgive me for still caring and trying to prevent more harm while I wait on that.

HANA: I’ll wait as long as you want. I’m not going anywhere this time.

#int: text #text: kal #kal: 003

xfhyxnjxn:

Kal: "Congratulations, Jin."

Kal: "Here's my address so that you know where to send the invitation."

[...]

Kal: Hana don't do this. If you met her maybe you would understand.

HANA: I have met her, Jin.

HANA: I don’t know what you’re wanting me to say here. She barely knew things about you and you’re going to marry her? How is that ideal for you.

HANA: I don’t want you to get hurt. Forgive me for trying to make you see that this could result in just that.

#int: text #text: kal #kal: 003

HANA: Hyun-Jin, what the fuck?

HANA: I care for you so very deeply, but what the actual fuck is going through your head?

HANA: My Mom saw the article and she texted me and I’m trying not to cry— [DELETED]

HANA: You can have a life with a 25 year old but not me? [DELETED]

HANA: I’m trying to understand. What could it possibly be that makes her the ideal wife? Quickly.

moonaetics

wink wink

#ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ visage.

dvldixon:

closed starter for @hanacinnyc

Mattie has gone overboard again. The twins’ school has decided to do a bakesale fundraiser, and as the resident chef father, there was no way they weren’t going to participate. They had spent the better part of the weekend baking four different desserts for the fundraiser, wanting himself, and their kids to have the best table. Not that it was abut image. (It was absolutely about image.)

Their table was…it was a lot, to say the least. Matthieu had brought in linens, baskets to store the food, and tiny chalkboards to list what everything was. Matthieu took their work seriously, even if it was for a grade school bake sale. They hoped it was something that would carry on to the girls.

They’re standing at the booth, dressed in a new suit, black, but with a pink pocket square as per Elodie and Elisa’s request, when he spots a familiar face approaching “Ms. Choi, right? Try the pink macarons, they’re passionfruit and truly something special. I think you’ll like them.”

***

The bake sale was always quite the event. It was a private school, so Hana wasn’t sure why it was surprising to see how all out the parents constantly went out for their children. She hoped silently that it was in good faith, in an attempt to help the school and also for the benefit of their children. Not just for keeping up the perfect family front that some of the more elite families insisted on always projecting. Not like she would know regardless. Some she could tell, others it was harder to tell. She was always thankful for her own parents and the warmth they displayed in their parenting style. They supported her immensely, while also making sure she did everything to the best of her potential.

Regardless of the initial wariness that would plague the woman the mornings of the bake sale, overall Hana enjoyed it. Besides, getting to have various baked goods sampled and even purchasing herself was always a plus to bring back to her apartment. Stopping at the greeting, Hana was quick to flash a smile at them. “Hello! Yes, you’d be correct. This is quite the set up. It must have taken you ages,” she commented to them with a soft laugh, eyes brightening at the suggestion. “Well, I can’t resist sweets. The bake sale is the best and the worst time of year for me. Mostly for my wallet because I want to buy it all.” Hana laughed, reaching out to take a macaron and popped it into her mouth with a thoughtful chew. “This is...amazing, oh my god—” She breathed out in excitement after chewing and swallowing, “they’re so light and full of flavor! Amazing work, truly. I mean, I’m not surprised, but still.” Hana complimented Matthieu with a soft smile, “definitely will be buying some. You sold me on it.”

#int: ftf #ftf: matthieu #matthieu: 001

closed starter for @xfhyxnjxn

Hana’s fingers curled tightly over the Tupperware container. Her mother had scolded her for only just now telling her that she had reconnected with Jin. That she needed to inform him that he was welcome for dinner anytime then promptly proceeded to demand Hana take him the leftover kimchi jjigae. It was an excuse to go see him at this point, feeling as his friend once more that she had to say something after seeing the posts on Instagram that confirmed what she was afraid of.

She could only grip the container tighter as she knocked at Jin’s front door, waiting for him to answer. As soon as he opened the door the container was pushed into his hands and she was pushing her way into the apartment. “Mom told me to bring you the leftover kimchi jjigae she made the other night. Also that you’re invited to dinner whenever — are you seriously dating a twenty-five year old, Hyun-Jin? At your grown age? My god.” She couldn’t help the sharp laugh, “please, inform me exactly how this is a good idea? You’re thirty-five, Jin. Thirty-five. What exactly is the appeal of dating a woman this much younger than you? Please, tell me. I’m dying to understand what is going through your head.” Maybe it was too soon, maybe it wasn’t, but Hana would always care deeply for Kal. Along with caring, there was this distinct worry she held for him. She knew when she had to pull out the tough love with him. Somethings you can’t forget.

#age gap tw #int: ftf #ftf: kal #kal: 002 #xfhyxnjxn

oretscvs

#ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ muse inspo.

rylanpratt:

“I dunno about that, older people can have trouble navigating their emotions too, kids just get an excuse because of their hormones.” Rylan muttered, the image of a petulant teenager as she did so, ironically. She certainly did wish she could do that without judgement, since she did it with judgment anyway. Maybe not in public…much, but still. She’d been known to have her odd screaming meltdown, just ask Kal. Maybe Hana would. She wasn’t even sure if they were still in touch but if they had been together for seven years and she spoke of him with fondness in her voice the girl wanted to guess they were. So why hadn’t he ever mentioned the woman? It set her on edge a little bit.

Chewing the inside of her cheek, Rylan made no attempt not to fidget for the benefit of the woman in front of her, going right ahead and doing it anyway. “Well, it would be a bit fucking weird if I just started calling him it out nowhere. So I wasn’t really planning on it, but I still feel like an asshole for not knowing.” Her fingers picked at a groove in the wooden table they were sitting at, tiny splinters coming up from the surface, she was just making the mark worse without even noticing. “I dunno, an honest one? I mean, I’ve spent three years of my life with him and apparently I’ve been calling him the wrong name the whole time so…you know more than me right?” She laughed slightly, eyebrows raising at the same time. Her mind was spinning. “Threat?” She hadn’t thought of the word threat but now…well obviously she was one. Maybe Kal still loved her. “Why did you two break up?” Invasive, she didn’t care.

***

Hana let out a noise of acknowledgement, nails tapping lightly on the table in thought. “You know, it takes until about age twenty-five for a brain to be fully developed and matured.” She looked at the woman, “so it’s normal to feel like you can’t handle things, or your emotions. To feel like everything is a bit too much. I know I made plenty of mistakes at your age too. Kids get cut slack because the brain is even less developed at that younger age, but I don’t know. I feel like young adults and even fully grown adults should be cut some slack here and there. We’re all human. It’s hard not to feel a bit overwhelmed when it gets to feeling like a lot.”

The older woman let out a sigh, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “If that’s something he didn’t want to disclose then that’s his business. I didn’t intend to reveal something he hadn’t told you. You’re allowed to feel however you want, I was just trying to take his feelings into consideration.” Pausing, Hana let out a sharp sigh and glanced away for a moment. “It’s not a competition, Rylan. I truly don’t know what you want from me here. Yes, I know and knew a lot of about him. I knew him since we were both eighteen. That doesn’t some how diminish whatever ties you have to him.” The question was a sore spot, a jab at a nerve that made the woman’s jaw tighten a bit. “I don’t intend to be rude, but that’s really not any of your business. You’re young, I understand feeling some sort of way when an ex pops up and how that can make you feel on uneven ground, but there’s no malice in my intentions. He’s a man I care for and will always consider as someone close to me.”

Gathering her things up, Hana tucked them all away into her bag. “It was nice meeting you. You’re a bright young woman, Rylan. I truly do think you’ll continue doing great things. There’s no sense in focusing on small things when the bigger picture is in front of you.”

#age gap tw #int: ftf #ftf: rylan #rylan: 001 #end thread*

bcllet:

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐑 ― @hanacinnyc

with the opening of sleeping beauty approaching, camila couldn’t even put into words anymore how stressed she was. most of the time she spent at the new york city ballet, and if she had some free time, she was nearly running towards her dance classes she was teaching, not giving up on the children she took care of in such a time either. they were here little joy after all ― and after a long day at practice, seeing the kids dance, enjoying ballet and not being under the pressure like a professional ballerina was just beautiful to her.

so, when one of the girls had asked her if she could take a day off to come to school with her since they had to present a person they considered a role model, camila didn’t have to check twice. for one morning, her ballet crew had to manage without her. but she wouldn’t let her kids down, never. especially with knowing they looked up to her.

however, the second she had entered the classroom she was supposed to be at for the presentation, her entire facade dropped as she recognized the teacher of her little ballerina. ❝ fu… fu… ― ❞ quickly, camila realized where she was at, and since she spoke rather loudly as she was unbelievably shocked to see the hana out of everyone, all the other kids were already looking at her. ❝ fuuuun… to be here ❞ , she awkwardly chuckled, trying to somehow save herself from the embarrassing situation, her brown eyes not once falling off the familiar figure. slowly, she approached the corner the other grown ups, the other ‘ role models ’ were waiting at, but she turned around to the teacher she wasn’t particularly fond of. ❝ if i would have known that my morning would already be greeted with you, i wouldn’t have come ❞ , she whispered through gritted teeth, but still loud enough for hana to hear. she didn’t make much of a secret that she wasn’t particularly fond of the woman that had once been with kal, but towards the kids that all seemed excited about this day, a fake smile was hiding how camila truly felt in this very moment.

It was always a busy day guaranteed to keep Hana busy when it came to the girls and presenting their various role models. Despite how busy it kept her, she was far too happy to see how excited her students were when it came to presenting the people in their lives they looked up to. They always looked forward to it and so did Hana, she loved seeing the excitement on their faces as they told her all about who they were bringing. The way some of them even told her how that she was one of the people they looked up to as well. It always made her heart swell. She knew in moments like these how she chose the right path in choosing teaching. Nothing was better than helping the kids that she did and knowing she was a stepping stone along the way through their education.

Though, there would always be bumps. This bump wasn’t one that she had been expecting.

Hana was trying to make sure the girls had everything they needed to introduce their role models, trying to keep them somewhat calm before the presentations. The various adults came in either with their kids or arrived on their own, a familiar voice causing Hana to turn in an instant, a dread filling her veins. She could feel her eye twitch the slightest bit as she made eye contact with Camila. It had been the same amount of time since she had last seen the woman, almost ten years. She knew she hated her now, hated her for leaving Jin. Not like she could blame the woman who had become a best friend to the man.

“You are more than welcome to leave,” Hana hissed back in an instant, eyes snapping over to her and keeping her voice low enough only the other woman heard. “I assume you are more than capable of being professional when it comes to not disappointing the sweet girl you came here for. I understand your distaste for me, and that’s fine, I’m not asking you to like me. At least pretend for a moment. Can you manage that?” There was a temptation to hiss out a venomous ‘I was there first, he was my best friend first—’ to jab at a nerve in retaliation, but she didn’t have that right. She didn’t have that right for a long time now. She left, Cami stayed.

#int: ftf #int: camila #camila: 001 #//will i ever be able to not write a novel in response? who knows

xfhyxnjxn:

He bit his tongue, stopping the questions that lingered in the back of his mind in their tracks. He didn’t need to interrogate her over something that had happened over a decade ago. She had probably moved on, had probably moved on years and years ago while he had stayed stuck in place. He wondered if she was happy with how her life had turned out or if she still lingered in her memories the way he did.

He shook his head, hearing her say that she loved him again after so long reopening old wounds so suddenly that he wondered if they had ever begun to close at all. Maybe they hadn’t. Maybe he had just gone through life tending at an open sore that everyone could see but him.

“Stop.” He said, pleading and small. It hurt to hear these things after so long of daydreaming about them. It was easier when he thought that he had done something wrong, that he had driven her away by virtue of who he was in the quiet moments no one else got to see. It was safer, to blame something intrinsic to his being, than to know that he had done nothing and lost her anyway. He couldn’t hear it now. Didn’t care about her reasons, couldn’t feign interest in her apologies. They only made him want to forgive her and he knew that if he did that he would do something stupid like start thinking that he could get her back.

It was easier just to hold her. To close his eyes and pretend that it was still 2009 and they were trying to cuddle up to each other up in their shitty apartment with it’s broken heater that only really warmed half of their tiny loft. He ducked his head into her air and his jaw tightened at the waft of familiar shampoo.

He had avoided the scent for so long; had left more than one bed after smelling it.

His arms finally dropped down to his sides, his smile shy but his eyes sparkling with a happiness he hadn’t felt in years. “I’ll do you one better. There’s a coffee shop not far from here. They do two dollar cups of joe but you have to turn in your phone when you enter and they don’t have to-go cups, so you’d be stuck with me for a while.”

He scuffed his shoe against the linoleum flooring, suddenly nervous. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, so many things that had happened in his life.

“I like your classroom,” He chuckled, turning to glance around the room, “I always knew you would be a great teacher. You’ve always been good with kids.”

Hana bit her tongue, a swirl of emotions bubbling up in her chest. There had been so much that had been left unsaid that it was coming pouring out of her in waves, but she didn’t intend to hurt him with it. There were so many times that her thumb hovered over his blocked contact in her phone, unblocking for just a moment so she could call him. It was especially hard on holidays and each birthday of hers, of his, that passed by. It took everything in her not to call him, to ask him if he’d forgive her. But she didn’t. She saw him on billboards, in commercials, in magazines, on Buzzfeed. Hana saw him everywhere she went, but was unreachable to him. It was almost as if things were reversed from how they used to be. The way he had been a stone wall to try to break into before Jin actually let her in. She was everywhere, an open book. Now, she was a teacher, as far away from the limelight one could be. She thought of him every time she went to the ice and let herself skate.

“Sorry,” Hana said softly as she held onto the man for as long as she could, fingers curled tightly into the fabric of the back of his shirt. She doesn’t remember the last time she let someone hold her like this. To be held and hold someone back, actually be vulnerable in a moment when she had locked herself away for so very long. There was a quiet calm that came with being held once more by Jin. She quietly mourned the loss once his arms fell away and she followed suit, tentatively taking a step back.

Though, a smile pulled at Hana’s lips and she couldn’t help her little laugh. “Sounds like a nightmare. I’m most definitely in.” She teased fondly, the old habit coming up far too easily. It was like two puzzle pieces fitting together once more. Ten years hadn’t erased the way that Jin made her feel, how at home she felt when it came to him. It had been so long and yet there was no one she could really see herself being as comfortable with as she was him. There was plenty of things he needed to learn about her now, and vice versa, but she was hoping that they could learn those things together once more.

“Oh! Thank you,” Hana glanced around at the classroom that she had put her heart into decorating, to make as another home for all the girls she taught. “Yeah...they’re all my babies at this point.” She laughed softly, “I love them all. They’re great girls. They love anytime I show them pictures of Pockets. They constantly ask to see her too or if I’ll bring her in.” She snorted a bit, absently playing with the lanyard that had her teacher ID on it. “I still do ice skating lessons sometimes too. Not a lot, but when I can. It makes me miss the ice too much.” Hana mused with a sigh, “but I don’t mind giving it up for this. Work is basically my entire life at this point, so. Mom gets onto me for it all the time, saying I need a better work life balance. You know it’s gotten bad if she’s saying that.”

#int: ftf #ftf: kal #kal: 001

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