It was kind of fascinating how much you could reveal of yourself without the others never understanding it all or knowing a single actual event detailed. It was also interesting to see how much frustration and curiosity and confusion it brought up in different people. Everyone reacted so differently to ignorance and showed their eagerness to know in different ways. Someone got furious about it if talked through metaphors, never actually revealing anything and it all was up to the listener's speculation and conjectures. Then someone else just accepted the explanation they got, thinking quietly in their minds the possible answers to the mysteries they were told about. Then again someone else just started questioning more, coveting only more and more real, proper and informative answers. There was this funny thing about words though, you could twist and turn them around all you wanted and end up to a result that made absolutely no sense. It was strange how just a twist of a tongue and little less energy and you could already end up hurting someone. It was one of those subjects that got you really thinking and questioning everything. It was for a time when you were alone, not having someone else seeing your every move, judging the ways you reacted to something, being aware of your every move.
Louis didn't really expect that Harry would answer him after his words of explanation in a little while. He got a nod out of him though and it was good in a way that Harry acknowledged his words and made sure that Louis knew that. It didn't leave him hanging in the air questioning whether Harry was actually listening to him or not.
Without really thinking into it Louis was kind of aware of the movement close to him. With a short glance he got to know it was just the curly-haired lad putting his helmet on the ground, off the railing. It was a sensible move, just to make sure that the helmet wasn't accidentally going to end up in the water and then never to be seen again. It would cause problems because they were quite far away from Harry's home and the only vehicle they had was a motorcycle and that lead to helmets. It would end up with Louis making sure Harry had his helmet and then praying there were no polices around because he would get more than just a warning out of driving without a helmet on his head. Needless to say it was extremely dangerous and he would have to drive slowly to keep up with the traffic because there wasn't a piece of plastic protecting his eyes from getting watered because of the wind. So anyway, it was a good call to put the helmet on the ground, not that it was a big deal or anything. Anyway.
Louis didn't dare to look at Harry and find out the expression on his face. He was way too much of a coward to do so. He could feel the green eyes on him though. He didn't even know what to expect, he'd never been in a situation similar like this in his life. He had never told all that to anybody. He had never revealed that much to somebody he had known for only a handful of days. Though he had never felt this much for another person either. Had never felt like he could trust another human being like this in his life. It was new and it was scary and boy did Louis like it. Still, he didn't look at Harry at all, just waiting for the reaction after all of that, not having even glanced at him while speaking. He kept his eyes straight ahead, focusing on everything but letting the vivid memories get the best of him. He wanted to avoid having to use his inhaler again, he already had used it too much around Harry. Somehow the bad thoughts came back even worse than in a while with the good ones that Harry brought. It was a mix of the worst times of his life and the best ones he was getting now with a person he barely knew at all. It was pathetic, how he got the best memories of his life now, when he had been thinking about ending it over a year and a half ago. He had been ready to do it so many times. And then a boy comes up and makes it all better? He should be better than that but he had nothing else left. He would be homeless again soon enough and would have absolutely nothing but a back bag of clothes and a skateboard because he had had to sell his motorcycle to feed himself. Maybe he could offer it to Harry? He seemed pretty interested in it and the first time they officially met he had been completely amazed by the bike. Louis was already teaching him to drive the thing and he would trust his baby in Harry's hands. He wouldn't just sell it to anyone, he needed to make sure the motorbike would be looked after in a right way, treated well. God, did he sound ridiculous even in his thoughts. He sounded like he was dying and having to make sure his daughter would be alright after he was gone. Might as well though, the motorcycle was the closest he would get with having something to care for anyway.
Still, Louis couldn't help but wonder which kind of a person Harry was with metaphors, vague explanations. He had thought about just a second ago and he wasn't sure, he had nothing he could know it from. He was in lost waters here, he was on his way to discover unknown roads and had nothing to protect himself with. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to protect himself or just let it come to him, let it all happen. Just see what happens and then deal with it.
Louis vaguely saw movement next to him, not sure what it was or why it was done. He tried not to think too much so the small movement didn't caught his attention so badly. What did caught it was when Harry jumped on the railing, sitting next to Louis. It took him a little while to actually realize that the younger boy was sitting next to him. For the first time ever he had someone who he could call a friend in a way sitting next to him in a place that he had came to when he was freaking out too badly and just wanted to escape from his life. It was like time stopped here and he didn't need to worry about everything, he could just clear up his mind and make the decisions in peace, do it all on his pace. It was a weird feeling but he kind of liked it how he could just move his hand and touch Harry's after only a couple of small inches. He was very surprised too, he would have never ever guessed that Harry would do that. Do something so unsafe, unsure, dangerous. Harry didn't seem like the type that did things under those adjectives so Louis was definitely positively impressed.
The silence that followed was a torture for Louis. He was on his toes, ready to apologize if he might have done something wrong or explain something more or be prepared to drive Harry straight at home. He just had no idea what to expect, if Harry wanted to stay anymore. It only now kind of came to him that his words were probably a lot to take in. Even if he hadn't spoken with every small detail, the things that had happened were implied, if you were smart enough you would catch on to the hidden meanings, maybe even guess correctly. And Louis knew Harry was smart enough for that, of course he was. He was a very clever 16-year-old and Louis admired him. Maybe he lacked on life experiences but he had the knowledge that was very much appreciated and it meant more than knowing how to get food if you lived on the streets and had no money on you. Louis was once again reminded how far Harry could actually get one day.
Louis still didn't dare to look at Harry, besides a small glance to his way, when the green-eyed boy started to talk. Louis didn't know what to think of his answer. He was surprised and very much confused. He made Harry speechless? He understood and felt? How could possibly Louis' explanation about why this place was so dear to him make Harry feel? It just. It wasn't supposed to go like that, anything never worked out like that. Things didn't ever work out for Louis.
When Louis heard the careful questions leave Harry's lips he looked at the boy sitting next to him. So Harry was the exception in the scenarios Louis had made up. He reacted by carefully choosing his words, making sure he didn't say anything wrong and gently asking for more information. He made Louis feel like he could choose between answering and saying that he was too uncomfortable to explain anything, like he had every right to say no if he wanted to. It felt amazing and Louis felt a little warmness in his chest. He really did like this boy, it was hard to admit but he did. And it wasn't only in the friend level and he knew it would probably end up in hell, both of them hurting, ruining their lives. But it could also be the best thing ever. Louis could show Harry how life was outside of home and school and the roads in between those two places. And if Harry was up for it, he could show Louis that maybe trusting people wasn't always a bad thing. He would just need to find out if Harry wanted the same things.
"I feel confused", Louis started slowly with a wavering voice that was a tell-tale sign of his watery eyes and racing mind. "I have never told all that to anyone. Not that anyone has ever asked but. I guess it makes me feel easier with you now because you know and you're not just making things up in your head", he continued, looking for the right words to express how he felt inside, "But it makes me scared too. Scared because you know and unsure if you're gonna use that knowledge against me. It's a mix of good and bad, a mix of comfortable and uncomfortable but I think I feel the tiniest bit lighter now. Lighter because for once I might have someone to trust." The end was hopeful and the look on his face was probably the most open and sincere he had ever had since the days he started to grow up. The fear was evident in both his voice and his eyes. Still, he didn't look away. He was serious and he wasn't holding back now. The grip his hand had on the railing tightened just a little bit, grounding him. If he had just taken the wrong step, opened too many doors at once for someone who wasn't ready to walk in from them, he would always still have this. He could still change his mind.
Louis listened to every word Harry spoke to him, now looking away for a little bit, staring into the water below them. Harry's answer almost made him choke up, it almost made him cry. It was just. No one had ever taken the time to try and figure him out, ask about things and being ready to listen them, being ready to somehow try and understand him, try to maybe even help him in some way. It was surreal to hear that Louis' life made Harry feel sadness. That's just. That should never happen. Harry shouldn't be sad because Louis had had a shitty life. It was still a life, a chance to live. No one had ever said to him that it seemed like he has been through hell and a few storms along the way. No one ever noticed those things, never noticed the hints that were hidden in his behaviour, in his way of talking, in the way of avoiding everything even remotely personal, keeping everyone distanced enough for him to be left alone when he really might have needed someone's shoulder to lean on.
He didn't get a chance to open his mouth yet, when Harry was continuing, stopping after a question if Louis was glad that he took Harry to this place. Before that he mentioned that he was glad that Louis had done that. The red-haired male didn't exactly know how to feel about that. Harry really enjoyed this trip? And like, Harry actually was glad that Louis had shown this place to him? He was thinking how difficult it had been for Louis to even take someone here let alone to explain why the place was so important to him. It hadn't been difficult when you thought about it. The difficult part was trusting Harry enough to let him into his life and he was battling with that every moment he spent with this boy.
Louis took a deep breath, thought about his answer a few seconds, then opening his mouth and letting the words just come to him, expose his inner thoughts to Harry in a way that could really backfire to him if he couldn't trust this person, "Very rarely things are really beautiful anymore. They get screwed over and the beautifulness is gone very easily. And no, my words aren't beautiful I have to disagree with you on that one. Words are never beautiful or if they sound like that, the person saying them probably isn't being honest. They never mean as much as actions. You can never be sure if they're true or not or if you can trust them. Yet still, the words are the ones to hurt you the most, above any physical pain you might go through - the words are still the ones you remember, not the fainted scars", he didn't even know if Harry was ready to hear all the talk about life being ugly. He still seemed so innocent, believing in good things. Louis was ruining him all this time. He didn't let that thought to stop him from talking though, "I've been through my own battles yeah, I guess. I don't really know, I haven't had it in any other way through the years so I don't really know anything different. But everyone has their own battles and everyone has to fight through them on their own. You can't just compare whose is more painful from the others by counting how many people close to them have died or if their parents have divorced or not. It doesn't work like that."
"It's ironic to be honest. That the only place where I can relax in and breathe and feel sure, have power is the place where I come to when I'm the most messed up, when my head is running all over and my thoughts are killing me", after that he kept quite a long pause, gathering enough confidence to continue and tell the first actual, proper details of something, "I've stood and sat right here countless of times freaking out or being scarily calm and thinking if I should just jump or save it for another time. To give life a one more shot before I end it all and there's no way back."
"For once I don't regret making that choice. I'm glad I took the chance when I was here the last time. Because it made me find you", he was only now actually answering to Harry's question, God, what the hell was wrong with him. His eyes found their way back to Harry's with a slight tilt of his head. It was cheesy and cliche and it happened in every damn teenage romance movie but he didn't care about it. He didn't want to overthink it all right now, he could do that later if it all went to hell. So he just looked straight into Harry's eyes and opened his mouth again, "And I kind of want you to know that you're the first light in my life in ages and frankly the only one keeping me among the living at the moment. And it may sound ridiculous because we've only known each other like, I don't know, three-four days? It's just. I trust you and I like you and it's scary but I'm willing to try. It took me taking you here to get the courage to tell you that and I would say that I'm sorry about it but I'm really not. I don't regret taking you here, I'm glad I did it. I'm doubtful but I'm willing to give it another go. To maybe smile a few more times. After all, this place isn't going to just fly away. I can always come back here and change my choice if it doesn't work out." Louis was scared to death of the things he just said to Harry, how vulnerable those words made him, how much power over him Harry now had. He was scared because he let Harry in and he never did that, he never let anyone past the "I'm fine, thanks, how are you?". Also, he felt like a huge stone had just been removed from his shoulders and he felt so relieved. He didn't need to be nervous of Harry finding out because he made the choice of letting him in, he chose to let him know.
The next moves he made were spontaneous, he acted before he let himself even think it over once. He would change his mind or be too scared to do it if he let his mind do the tricks it usually di. He scooted closed, close enough for his pinky to reach out and softly brush Harry's hand. He had his head turned towards the younger male, leaning in the smallest of bits, his gaze flickering between Harry's eyes and lips. Then he made the last move and threw every doubt he had out of the window and just went for it. It was all or nothing at this point. Maybe he was already past that point but either way.
"Kiss me."
