sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed.
BOOK I: SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS
❛ holy fucking shit. just. holy shit. what the fuck. ❜
❛ nobody really knows the nuances of what you get up to in your spare time, and honestly they’re probably better off that way. ❜
❛ busy yourself with the affairs of the living, for once.. ❜
❛ ohhh boy. you. fuck you. yes, you specifically. ❜
❛ delete your search history. ❜
❛ please practice blinking as others can be unsettled by your inhuman ability to maintain an unbreakable stare during casual conversation. ❜
❛ what did you ever do to deserve this? in all probability, something terrible. ❜
❛ you are a crayon. get out of the toolbox. ❜
❛ none will love the butcher. don’t take it too personally. ❜
❛ some relationships, like warts, can be handled with the tactful application of liquid nitrogen. ❜
❛ take a long shower. wash your hair. wash the clothes you were wearing. wash the memories from your mind and body. ❜
❛ frostbite is considerably difficult to heal from. ❜
❛ there is poetry in brutal efficiency. ❜
❛ HELLFIRE HELLFIRE HELLIRE. ❜
❛ people would take your raging far more seriously if you weren’t crying the entire time. ❜
❛ what made you so vindictive? ❜
❛ some bodies may be temples, but all are ruins at your feet. ❜
❛ your contempt will always taste like grief. ❜
❛ in the process your body is subsumed piece by piece. ❜
❛ you are the bone-deep fury of an abscessed tooth. ❜
❛ you are notorious for rubbing salt in the wound. cheap vodka in the wound. battery acid in the wound! ❜
❛ vehicular arson is not the answer. ❜
BOOK III: PETTY EXISTENTIAL CRISES
❛ the sooner you accept your impending expiration, the sooner you can stop trying to swallow the sun. ❜
❛ embrace the inevitable. snuggle with the inevitable. take the inevitable out to a nice, candle-lit dinner. ❜
❛ there are forces outside of your control. most of them don’t care for you. ❜
❛ when it all goes to hell just remember it’s what’s inside that counts (though many would not find you very appetizing). ❜
❛ not all things have significance, which is scary. the things you overlooked tend to have the most, which is scarier. ❜
❛ your teeth are only porcelain, your ribcage simply glass. like all delicate things, they can know no permanence. ❜
❛ in time you’ll learn that “just” and “right” only mean the same thing when they’re coming from very specific people. please don’t cry. ❜
❛ you may not want to change, but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway. ❜
❛ sometimes we put our hearts in the wrong places (what the fuck is it going between your teeth). ❜
❛ you can put all the flowers in your mouth that you fucking want, but dying is dying and rot is rot. ❜
❛ loneliness is the fracture that never heals quite right. ❜
❛ they are there, hovering nervously. you will watch the skies. you will wait. ❜
❛ there will be scrapes and sutures: viciousness and victory. ❜
❛ a cacophony of awe and joy and terror. ❜
❛ an eye for an eye. a tooth for a tooth. a knife for the ribs. ❜
❛ you will not be swayed by the morally destitute. ❜
❛ decay will feed the bloom. ❜
❛ devour death like crows, for all the feathers between your teeth. ❜
❛ twisting/screaming/uncompromising. every inch. every iota. ❜
❛ once, answers were found in mouths, bathtubs, and bottles. this time around, get inventive. ❜
❛ lies you have told yourself: your humanity is the largest burden you will bear. ❜
❛ decorating your meltdowns is all well and good, but a trainwreck is a trainwreck and it might be time to get a paramedic. ❜
❛ they tell you “there i nothing to fear but fear itself,” but you have seen yourself in the mirror. ❜
❛ you may have been gutted but you mouth is soft, your tongue is silver, and your teeth are gemstones cut to size. ❜
❛ it’s less like biting off more than you can chew, and more like dislocating your jaw. ❜
❛ even spectres can tire. ❜
❛ seeing yourself for who you really are would be great if you knew where to start looking. ❜
❛ it pays to kill with kindness when you’re your own worst enemy. ❜
❛ you’re only armed to the teeth because you’re more brittle than you’d care to admit. ❜
❛ your ego cannot afford cremation or caskets. ❜
❛ frequent tastes of your own medicine can get poisonous real quick. ❜
❛ self reflection is important! whether you like what you see is up for debate. whether it can be contained in a dark basement is another matter entirely. ❜
❛ you are a quiet god, and your hunger is cavernous. ❜
❛ at times your body is simply a prison laid in gold. ❜
❛ death, dust, party, repeat. ❜
❛ devour the monsters and you can call any place home. ❜
❛ you’re only as lucky as your expectations are low. ❜
❛ worse than having too many secrets is having no secrets at all. ❜
❛ if seeing is believing you might be in some trouble. ❜
❛ suspend belief. expel fear. throw reason into a frigid cell, never to be seen again. ❜
❛ killing the monsters is the easy bit. it’s finding them that’s the hard part. ❜
❛ there exists a tipping point between gods and monsters. ❜
❛ a mouthful of ashes bested by a life of smoke and mirrors. ❜
❛ what’s to be gained from the keeping the heaviest of treasures behind your teeth? ❜
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