me and my imagination

Random Girl

[joan-watsonsarchive-blog-deacti]

[dannyodonoghue]

But there’s no fair in farewell, no

[dontget-tooclose-itsdarkinside]

Never judge someone, especially if you don’t know them, because you don’t know what they’re going through. For all you know, what you say could be the last thing they hear before they decide they have had enough.

Danny O'Donoghue (via dontget-tooclose-itsdarkinside)

[hanixelaney-blog]

maybe I know now

People growing up, think like grown ups in different age. Some of them on their 20s, 30s, or maybe 40s. People start to realize the things that they want to pursue, they want to have, they want to achieve.

Is it selfish to think that I wanna go from here far away, while my family is here. My dad is retirering in 2 years. Seems a long time, but it’s not. But maybe in that 2 years I could achieve more. I can finally give something back to my parents. Make them proud even when I’m miles away.

I feel like in my age now, I’m getting more and more aware about what I wanna do. I want to achieve this first. What I want might not fulfilled my parents willingness.

Then again I asked myself. Am I selfish? Will I be the most selfish daughter ever?

When I think about it, my kind of thinking might be slightly different. My parents were so conservative and somehow traditional about certain things, like married. Honestly, I don’t have any thoughts about that right now. Because I haven’t achieve anything that I want the most. Right now I’m starting to think about it. I’m starting to male an effort for it. I’m savings. So I can make it through in no time. As soon as possible. But when that day finally came, is it too late? Does never too late exist? Cause I really hope so. 

I feel like all this time, I’m living like my parents want. I have no choice about what I want. I live under their expectations like other people too I guess. I know I choose some of the things that basically on my decision and it frankly throw me under the bus. I can't blame my parents cause it would be so wrong. I’m kind of trap. I need to get out. And I don't know how. 

My dear friend Ilia Mchedliani whom I know for 7 years, I have a some kind of expectation to him. I don’t know why. I feel like he could be my stepping stone. I want him to be my stepping stone. I want him to be the bridge, i want him to be my safety nets. I don’t know if it’s possible. I’m expecting a lot from him. And I barely talk to him about this. I want to. But he is out of reach now.

I am totally in lots of thoughts right now. I want to break it down one by one, but everything seems all mixed up. I can’t keep up. I’m losing my pace. 

[hanixelaney-blog]

I don't even know what is this. Just found it very fascinating 😄😄 #vsco #vscocam #instanesia #instadroid #cubics #photooftheday #picoftheday #honf #honffablab #wood #art

[hanixelaney-blog]

Got these to cheer up a friend of mine. 😊😊 #vsco #vscocam #instanesia #instanature #instamood #instadroid #photooftheday #picoftheday #flower #frangipani #hand #white #yellow

[hanixelaney-blog]

She found a new spot to mess around 😥😥 #vsco #vscocam #instanesia #instadroid #petsofinstagram #pet #cat #catsofinstagram #silhoette #window #photooftheday #picoftheday

[hanixelaney-blog]

I've always wanted a cat. Because I don't have any companion in my house. My mom and dad are working parents, me and my brother were still at school. In late 2010, my mom and dad were coming home from Hajj. A couple of days later, my mom told me if I wanted a cat. And I said yes. But then my mom told me she's limping on her left leg, I said I don't care. I just wanted a cat, limp or not she's still a cat. You can probably say she is my first cat. Her name is Melly. I got bitten, scratch, fleas, and other stuff you can get from a cat. Still, I don't hate cat. She can run, climb stairs, chase toys, even with her three legs. She has 4 legs, but the left back was curled up, she can't get it straight. She is cute, mean, never whine, barely makes a noise, when she does, she doesn't sound like any other cat. She is my Xena warrior princess. She is tough and brave. I hope I take care of her right. I know maybe sometimes she might feels a little cast out. I didn't mean to make her that way. I feel grateful to have you and I will always love you. #vsco #vscocam #instadroid #instanesia #catsofinstagram #cat #pet #petsofinstagram #himalayan #white #bluepoint #love #photooftheday #picoftheday

[hanixelaney-blog]

Boyfriend jeans all the way, everyday. How good is life.. #vsco #vscocam #instanesia #instadroid #instamood #ootd #flowerprint #tee #white #tumblr #lookbook #photooftheday #picoftheday #sandal #style #modcloth #chictopia

[hanixelaney-blog]

A day where you dressed up. #modest #ootd #lotd #tumblr #lookbook #fashion #style #chictopia #modcloth #vscocam #vsco #instanesia #instadroid #print #black #white #clutch (at Perumahan Aria Graha Soekarno Hatta Bandung)

[hanixelaney-blog]

Wait for other surprise #tryingtoposebutexactlydoesntwork 😂😂😂 #vsco #vscocam #instanesia #instadroid #canon #powershot #ootd #lookbook #tumblr #british #turkish #lotd #fashion #style #blog #silver #turquoise #kimono #cardigan #sakura (at Beehive Cafe and Eatery)

[hanixelaney-blog]

Not everything is at it seems

I met my long time friend from uni today. We haven’t seen each other for two years. And who knows he came back to my hometown, and we went out today. We share lots of stories about our life back at college. Then he told us about this girl story, who I never thought will be one of her attitude or maybe behavior. 

I just realized that people is never really like what they seem to be or tend to be, or look like. Don’t judge by its cover. Guess it’s true.

Maybe I know that people is never really like what they seem to be, I just can’t understand the fact that when I thought I was worse than her, apparently not. I can say it proud, that I am way better than her. At least I’m not the one who manipulate guy, I’m the one whose been manipulate. How stupid I was.

So many stories, memories, good and bad. 

[hanixelaney-blog]

Captain Slow on the Go

Apparently my mind has a lot of things to say. I just got another weird dream again. This time involving  couple I don't even know with and James May. So here it goes. It was a night at a ballroom, I guess. There's people wearing a formal wear. I think my parents were there too. And I know this man. Korean man. Whose name in Korean, but I can't remember who. The first man has a long shouldered hair (LH) Accompany by a Korean woman, whom I know her too. And so the LH Korean man. Then there is this one man again, whom the three of us know. He has a shorter hair (SH). And musch shorter than the LH man. The four of us were chatted that night. Eat something. Then we split. Because it's time for a speech from the SH man. I can see from where I stand, the LH man and the Korean woman were together. I suppose that Korean woman have feelings for LH man. I can sense it from the ambient it created in the dream. So then I took initiative. I walked to SH man and stay beside him while he's making a speech and pop up some champagne. I can see again from where I stand, the LH man were paying close attention to me. Then the night keeps going on. I was chatting with SH man. The conversation weren't so clear at that time. I remember he gave me his suit when I told him it was cold. He gave it to me, and hugged me fron the side. Then we talked again.

Not a while in there, we were paused beside a long table with a chandelieur and vase of flowers on top of it. I was surprised he manage to kiss me in there. I was rejecting at the first time, but then, hell who cares, I'm just gonna let him kiss me. But after that I asked him, "Why do you kiss me?" his answer is "I thought you have a thing to me" my face were going confuse, so I step aside to the walls and hope my parents didn't see it. LH man approached me. "He kiss you? Why? Do you have feelings for him" Guess I should've known better. "No I don't." I guess I mean that. I looked at him, and apparently I have feelings for him. "I saw you with her, I thought she likes and you like her back. So I decided to stick around him." that's my answer, and he left. I am confuse. The next day is a bit bizarre. I was lying on a wooden floor. Square room with 3 sides of chairs and one door. I was lying around thinking about what happen yesterday. Well strangely as dream can be, it was actually on ocean behind the room. And from a far, well not really that far, James May was on his train. Trying to put a railway on top of the ocean. Like puzzle or Lego. You can just attached them to it. And make railways any way you want. Then Kapten Slow got out of the train, standing on the railway which supposed to be drowning but it stays float on top of water. Then mumbling about train and railways, which I can't remember. I guess that's all. I woke up.

[hanixelaney-blog]

another dream. Well done. Long ago.

It's not happening quiet early, it's like months ago.

I think i have a really weird dream again. This is the dream that I remember after one day having dreamt about it. Isn't that weird. Well, anyway.

 I actually can't really too remember the dream, I just remember that I think we were on a vacation. Me and my mom. We stayed in one room. And I remembered I really want to wash my hair because my scalp is already so itchy. Actually in the real world I do need to wash my hair. Then I was looking for my bag. Apparently, it disappear for no reasons. I already change into a towel and get ready to take a shower when I realize my bag isn't there. I told my mom "Mom, my bag is gone. It's not there" my mom was still in bed. I looked around and couldn't found it anywhere. "Are you sure?" she asked. I am damn sure it was gone. So then I went to a room that supposed to be a bathroom. Still confuse why my bag is gone, getting more confuse why on earth between a shower is a two bed. That is more confusing than ever. I walke out of the bathroo. Found my mom is not aroud, instead, I saw Mr.Helmut wearing white kimono, with some kind of a gold badge or pin in the center of his chest. Connecting the two fabric of the kimono and secure it. I kept looking on it and feel confuse. He handed me something. It was a shampoo. Then he browsed the wardrobe again. When he gave me the shampoo, he managed the towel I was wearing. Don't understand that either. Then I realize, wait my mom was here. Why is he here too? I'm getting confused and went to the bathroom. In the bathroom, i moved the bed to the side so the water from the shower won't make it wet. So weird right. I tooke a quick shampoo because I am so worried my mom would found out that Helmut was in the room. Awkward. Still shampooing my hair and try to be quick. Just right when I finished and went out, he's gone, and no one in the room again. Then I woke up.

[hanixelaney-blog]

My new addiction. My new favorite thing. Wide brim fedora 😄😄😄 #hat #vscocam #vsco #black #white #blackandwhite #bw #fedora #widebrim #fashiontruth #wearapy #lookbook #tumblr #style #fashion #me #myself #portrait #instanesia #instadroid #instamood

[hanixelaney-blog]

Supposed to attend a jobfair. But my oh my, the line were too long. So we decided to grab a lunch. #vscocam #vsco #ootd #lotd #lookbook #tumblr #british #turkish #asian #chictopia #modcloth #style #fashiontruth #wearapy #plaid #bow #oxfords #instanesia #instadroid #photooftheday #picoftheday

[hanixelaney-blog]

My 2nd fav shots. Seems a bit boring isn't it? #vscocam #vsco #ootd #chictopia #modcloth #lookbook #nature #picoftheday #photooftheday #instanesia #instadroid #latepost (at Pompidou Sweet and Savoury)