Peter Solarz

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oozey mess
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Cosimo Galluzzi
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if i look back, i am lost

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Claire Keane
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$LAYYYTER

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@happydysphoria
© Gerhard Richter
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Only way I know
@cis ppl Sorry but youâre transphobic. Even if u donât think u are or act like you are you still are.
You might not be actively transphobic but youâre passively transphobic bc of what society has taught you. Trans people can also be transphobic for the same reason.
Iâm not mad at cis people for this bc they canât control it. Just focus on unlearning transphobic ideas or behaviors rather than shouting at trans ppl about how youâre not transphobic because of x or y
Ellie Davies, In Between the Trees
theres no fucking snow outside
My senior quote
For the purpose of this piece, please understand that I am using relationship to mean âprolonged human coexistenceâ it could be an abusive friendship, an abusive parent, an abusive member of your community.
1. Abusive relationships almost always have honeymoon periods.
Which means some, maybe even a lot, of your memories of said abuser may be good memories.
And you may miss those parts of them.
Missing the 'goodâ parts of them, loving the good parts of them even, does not excuse the bad things they did to you.
It doesnât make it better, or not as bad, since sometimes you laughed and had fun. It doesnât change the fact that they were, or still are, abusive.
2. Abusers are, by nature, manipulative.
Theyâll gaslight you- make you feel as if youâre the one who abused them. Abusers know that when they make their victims feel as if theyâre the ones who did wrong- the person usually feels guilty. And in feeling guilty they usually double up on the 'If I loved you enough/behaved enough this wouldnât bother me/you wouldnât do thisâ mantra that a lot of survivors have.
They make you feel like you deserve what they did to you. That theyâre the good guys really, in the whole situation. They were punishing you so that you could learn- and thus become a better person.
All of these things are wrong though. It isnât true. They were not the good guys. But the fact that you sometimes, you have conflicted feelings- because you began to believe them- believe that you deserved those thingsâŠ. it doesnât change the terrible reality of what abuse is.
and it doesnât make what happened to you less significant.
3. Stockholm Syndrome/Traumatic Bonding
Traumatic bonding is âstrong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.âÂ
In abuse- especially in those who went through traumatic bonding or suffer from Stockholm syndrome⊠there is a lot of denial that the bad things are going on.Â
When going through these things⊠people cling to whatever small 'kindnessâ that they can find. They often truly care for their abusers, partially in an attempt to make the bad things not as bad, or happen less.
Bonds like that can be hard to break. It is not your fault for struggling.
4. You feel like you owe(d) them.
A lot of abusive relationships start off with abusers doing really nice things. And then calling in 'debtsâ. This kind of goes along with the honey moon phase stuff- but not always. This may be more extreme than just a honeymoon phase.
These are people who step in and 'fixâ situations (some legitimate- some not) in order to call on it later and be like, âwell, I mean.. I did do soandso for you.â
Looking back on these events, you may still feel a lot of gratitude. That doesnât change the rest of what happened.
5. You were made to believe that it was as good as it gets.
This is usually done in a combination. First, they insult you. Try to ruin your concept of self-worth as much as possible. Remind you that no one will ever love you.
and then they step in and say that its okay because theyâll always be there. That no one will ever love you like they loved you.
It can be very hard to change these thoughts. They work very hard to make us believe them. It is not your fault that you are struggling to fix the wreckage they left.
6. You were young.
Children do not always realize that sexual touch is wrong. Especially when abusers tell them that its okay. That its their special secret. That its a prize for good behavior.
You are not at fault for having believed those things- and for occasionally slipping back into that mindset. It is not your fault that felt special as a child, and thus your memories are 'positiveâ.Â
You are not broken.
ââ
Having positive memories of your abuser, missing parts of what they were to you, even loving themâŠ
does not mean you are wrong. it doesnât make what they did okay.
You are trying to heal from a terrible thing, and no one can fault you for where you are at on your journey.
Having conflicted feelings does not make you wrong, it just makes you human.
Knockinâ on Heavenâs Door (2003)