Happy Healthy Anna

Overcame B.E.D and working on becoming the happiest, healthiest version of myself.

[happyhealthyanna]

Still here. Plotting how to deeply hurt my father’s feelings 😌

[happyhealthyanna]

Update, haven't spoken to my father in 8 months

[happyhealthyanna]

I think I need to start just brain dumping writing again so prepare yourselves if you're still on here

My new friends want to hang out and invite me places. They want to plan a weekend mountain trip. They encourage me to try out for the next show and can't wait to see it. The group chat is pinging with inside jokes and check-ins.

I feel out of place. Why do they keep including me when I continue to be the downer of the group? The one who needs to know how many bathrooms, how far away, how long, who will be there. I can't commit. I have to remind them that I'm chronically ill so they don't expect anything more from me.

But they keep reaching out, they keep talking to me. More opportunities to disappoint them.

I need a new brain.

[girlmostlikely]

[happyhealthyanna]

My wife & my age difference can be explained by me having to explain Spiders Georg to her

[happyhealthyanna]

Still here. Plotting how to deeply hurt my father’s feelings 😌

[psychotic-gerard]

?

[psychotic-gerard]

this is how it feels to talk to my parents about my mental health

[reinerist]

[happyhealthyanna]

A new friend who runs half marathons and is overall a pretty fit person told me about how her performance has gotten so much better since she started eating adequate amounts of food.

Meanwhile I’m sitting here eating my granola butter + apple and half of my morning muffin and reflecting on how that narrative only gets a congratulatory sentiment if you’re not fat.

[notkatniss]

[happyhealthyanna]

This is very me honestly

[happyhealthyanna]

Considering that I haven’t posted since Christmas 2021 when things were BAD I figured I’d check in and say things are good. Hard because life but good.

Also I have a cat. She’s the worst.

[happyhealthyanna]

IDK the weight of everything that I’ve been through the past 6 months is hitting extra heavy today

[happyhealthyanna]

I’ve been scrolling through my old blog posts looking for hashtag content to use for something I’m working on (follow lifeouttabed on the ‘gram lolz), and I just want anyone who may still be on here who needs to hear it know that it gets better.

The work is incredibly hard. It often feels impossible and fruitless and unrewarding. But I promise there will be a day when you look back at the younger version of yourself and realize that you don’t identify with that person anymore.

[sloppystyle]

[bbcwhereareyou]

Do you need a Mr. Sandman Cat break because I know I do.

[luisonte]

¿Tiene jabón de lagarto?

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

I recovered, and now I’m considered fat. And that’s fine.

You might too.

You may gain weight, and it may give you a body that is stigmatized. I recovered, by body is fat now. My life did not end. Yours will not either.

Embrace the possibility that that may happen, and embrace the idea that you can learn to accept yourself at that size as well. It’s possible, I’m doing it. You can too.

Work on that internalized fatphobia and get therapy if you can to work on the reasons behind your disorder.

You might get fat. Recover, it’s worth it.

Remember that you can *learn* to be happy and healthy in a body that is fat, but you will never achieve that in your eating disorder. Never.

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

Don’t want to guilt- but if thin and straight sized people could reblog this that would be great!

Gaining weight ““too far”” in the other direction is very common in recovery, and yet this is heavily stigmatized even within ED recovery circles. You’ll notice a lot of posts say something to the extent of “don’t worry, you aren’t fat, and you won’t get fat”.

Some people who have EDs are fat, and you very well might be considered fat after recovering. It’s scary because of the internalized fatphobia. And even if not intentional, the “but what if if I get fat! :(“ thing *does* still perpetuate fatphobia. I’m saying this as someone who was and (is in) the trenches, I get it.

Even entrenched in mental illness we are still responsable for the messaging about the anti-fatness we put out into the world. We don’t live in a bubble- when someone puts poison in the well, it poisons the village.

I made this post both because I want to encourage you to embrace the idea you *could* get fat, and to recover anyway; but also because I want you to be aware of how your negative self talk may be making it more difficult for those around you to recover.

What I hear when you say “I’m afraid I’ll get fat!!” is that you are hurting deeply, and deserve help. What I hear is that even if you are unaware of it- systemic fatphobia has created an environment that is suffocating enough for you to be afraid of being fat. But, what I also hear, is you are afraid of being me. And wether you mean to or not, that creates a hostile environment for those around you trying to recover- *especially* if they aren’t thin.

Make no mistake, this is a positivity post. I want you to feel empowered to embrace whoever you may become in recovery. But this is also a call to action to change the way you speak about your fears so that it isn’t so alienating to be a fat body in the ED recovery community. That is why I would like you to reblog this, even if you aren’t in recovery, and especially if your body is thin or straight sized. As an act of allyship with bodies like mine in our community.

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

So I know by this you mean THIN people deep in their eating disorder.

Comforting yourself and others in the community with “don’t worry, you are not fat!” messaging is neither helpful in the long term to recovering anorexics, nor to fat bodies in the eating disorder community in the immediate.

What if you do get fat? What if you are already fat?

And once again- it implies that being fat is a bad thing to be feared. AKA if you are a person afraid of gaining weight as apart of your eating disorder, that ‘comfort’ does little to absolve that fear, all while triggering people who are not straight sized trying to recover.

Dismantle internalized fatphobia both for yourself and for the people around you.

[happyhealthyanna]

One month married (and still not over my ass in the dress 👀)

[happyhealthyanna]

I am wed