West Side Story American Tragedy Part 19
THE CAKE CATASTROPHE
The reception was reaching its fever pitch. The klezmer band was taking a breather, and the air in the community hall was thick with the smell of brisket and expensive perfume. RIFF and GRAZIELLA stood before the towering, five-tier wedding cake. It was a masterpiece of white fondant and delicate sugar pearls, looking every bit the "elegant" center-piece Graziella had demanded.
RIFF (Clutching the silver knife) Alright, let’s get this over with before the Sharks eat all the appetizers.
Graziella smiled for the cameras, her teeth gritted. They pressed the blade down, slicing deep into the top tier. But as the first wedge was pulled away, the crowd didn't gasp in awe—they gasped in pure confusion.
Instead of the sophisticated red velvet Graziella had meticulously ordered, the interior was a violent, neon shade of hot pink. And before anyone could comment on the color, a literal avalanche of M&Ms began to pour out of the center, clattering against the china plates like colorful hail.
GRAZIELLA (High-pitched and dangerous) What... is... this?
RIFF (Poking a pink crumb) It looks like a rainbow threw up in a bakery, Graziella.
Immediately, the JETS exploded into a frenzy of finger-pointing.
ACTION (Pointing at Mouthpiece) You! You were the one talking about "surprises" at the bachelor party!
MOUTHPIECE I meant a stripper, not a candy-filled sponge cake! It was A-Rab! He’s got a sweet tooth!
A-RAB (Defensively) Hey! I like M&Ms, but I ain't a baker! It was Raven! She’s the one who’s always doing weird stuff with "potions" and spells!
RAVEN (10) stepped forward, crossing her arms over her flour-stained dress, looking unimpressed.
RAVEN If I had sabotaged the cake, it wouldn't be pink. It would be midnight black or the color of fresh arterial spray. This is the work of an amateur. This is... whimsical.
She spat the word like it was poison. The gang went quiet, their eyes scanning the room for the real culprit. Slowly, the group parted like the Red Sea, revealing a large, potted palm tree in the corner. Behind the ceramic pot, two small, trembling patent-leather shoes were sticking out.
RIFF (Sighing, softening his voice) Annie? Come on out, kid.
ANNIE (9) slowly peeked from behind the palm. Her eyes were wide, and she was clutching a crumpled piece of paper—the "official" order form from the bakery. Riff knelt down on one knee, ignoring the pink icing staining his tuxedo.
RIFF Annie... did you go to the bakery? Did you "fix" the order?
The dam broke. Annie let out a wail so loud it rattled the chandeliers.
ANNIE (Sobbing hysterically) I thought... hiccup... I thought red velvet was too sad! It looks like blood! And M&Ms make everyone happy! I wanted the wedding to be fun! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!
She collapsed into a heap of white lace and tears. For the next two hours, the wedding ground to a halt. Riff held her, Krupke patted her head, and even Graziella—after a stiff drink—tried to tell her it was "unique." They offered her extra soda, a seat at the head table, and A-Rab even offered her his lucky switchblade (which Krupke immediately confiscated).
Nothing worked. Annie was inconsolable, her sobs echoing through the hall like a foghorn.
ANNIE (Between gulps of air) I ruined... the most... beautiful... waaaaaah!
Raven watched this for exactly five minutes before she lost her patience. She walked over to the table, grabbed a massive, crumbling slice of the neon pink cake—overflowing with chocolate candies—and marched over to her sister.
As Annie opened her mouth for another earth-shattering sob, Raven lunged. She stuffed the entire palm-sized slice of cake directly into Annie’s open mouth.
ANNIE (Muffled) Mmph?!
The crying stopped instantly. Annie’s eyes bugged out as she processed the sudden influx of sugar and frosting. She chewed slowly, her face covered in pink smears, the silence in the room finally restored.
RAVEN (Muttering as she walked away, dusting crumbs off her hands) Amateurs. All of you.
She didn't look back as she headed for the punch bowl, leaving the entire Jet gang staring in awe at the now-quiet nine-year-old.
Anybodys leaned into Ice’s side, shaking her head.
ANYBODYS Remind me never to cry around your sisters.
ICE (Grinning) I’m just glad the Star of David wasn't involved this time.
THE BANQUET OF CHAOS
The moment had come for the grand unveiling of the wedding feast. GRAZIELLA had spent six months obsessing over a menu of poached salmon, duck confit, and asparagus spears tied with tiny silk ribbons. She signaled the waiters with a regal nod, expecting the height of Manhattan sophistication.
The kitchen doors swung open. A line of servers marched out, but the smell hitting the room wasn't truffle oil and lemon—it was garlic, heavy grease, and backyard charcoal.
Instead of silver platters of duck, the waiters began dropping massive, steaming trays of Greasy Cheeseburgers, Baked Ziti, Extra-Large Pepperoni Pizzas, and Tupperware-sized vats of Noodle Casserole. A giant, dripping Beef Brisket was plopped right in front of the Rabbi.
GRAZIELLA (Her voice hitting a frequency only dogs could hear) WHERE IS MY DUCK?!
RIFF (Picking up a burger with a bewildered grin) This looks like... well, it looks like a Tuesday night at our house.
The entire hall went silent. Every Jet, every bridesmaid, and every confused relative turned their heads slowly toward the end of the table. There sat ANNIE, clutching a juice box, her lower lip beginning to tremble with the force of a tectonic plate.
She looked at the pizza. She looked at Graziella’s purple face. Her eyes began to well up with massive, glistening tears.
ANNIE (A shaky whisper) The duck looked... it looked so lonely. I thought people wanted... food they actually liked...
RIFF (Seeing the impending tidal wave of tears) Whoa, whoa! Wait!
He looked at ICE. Ice looked at ANYBODYS. They all saw the same thing: if Annie started crying again, they wouldn’t get out of this hall until 1958. Anybodys nudged ACTION, who was already halfway through a slice of pizza.
ANYBODYS (Loudly, for the whole room to hear) Hey! Wait a minute! I saw the delivery truck! It wasn't the caterers! It was... it was THE SHARKS!
The room gasped. Action caught on instantly, wiping pizza sauce from his chin.
ACTION Yeah! Yeah! I saw 'em! Bernardo and Chino! They must’ve hijacked the salmon truck and replaced it with... with this delicious, high-quality brisket! It’s a prank! A Shark sabotage!
ICE (Nodding solemnly) Classic Bernardo move. He knew Graziella wanted it fancy, so he tried to ruin the wedding by giving us a buffet of amazing, hearty comfort food. The nerve of those guys!
Annie stopped mid-sob. She blinked, her tears receding like a tide.
ANNIE (Sniffling) They... they did?
RIFF (Grabbing a handful of pasta) Absolutely! Those Sharks are devious, Annie. They probably spent hours baking this casserole just to spite us. Well, we’ll show them! We’re gonna eat every bit of this "insult" and enjoy it!
The Jets erupted into a chorus of fake outrage.
BABY JOHN (Mouth full of burger) I’m so offended! I’m gonna eat three more of these just to prove a point!
A-RAB Yeah! Take that, Chino! This pizza is an insult to my honor! Nom nom nom.
OFFICER KRUPKE leaned over and grabbed a slice of brisket, winking at Annie.
KRUPKE If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a Shark prank that tastes this good. Pass the parmesan, kid.
Annie finally beamed, a bright, sunny smile breaking through her tear-streaked face. She felt like a hero who had accidentally stumbled into a gang war, rather than a nine-year-old who had bribed a delivery driver with her piggy bank savings.
RAVEN leaned over to Anybodys, watching the chaos with her usual dark detachment.
RAVEN (Whispering) We’re going to have to tell her eventually that the Sharks don't even know how to make a casserole.
ANYBODYS (Grinning as she watched Ice tackle a burger) Not tonight, Raven. Tonight, the Sharks are the caterers and Annie is the Queen of New York. Pass the pizza.