This Is Me And The Stories Accompany My Life.

[haroldmorales]

The Paralyzing reality of loneliness.

As I get older, I realize that I am all I have in my life.

I have friends and relatives but at the end of the day, they have their lives to live and I am not their problem.

While it is good to have independence and be alone at times, it’s also depressing because the feeling of no one being there for you in a physical sense is a tough pill to swallow.

Did I get myself here? Maybe, but it’s something I have to accept and as I get older I have to wonder how I will die, will it be alone in my bed or alone in a hospital bed.

That dread kills me every day and it makes me wonder how my ending will come and that’s the only part of death that scares and hurts me.

I go on everyday seeing my past and the happiness I used to enjoy and I know my future will never have that level of love and happiness ever again.

I’ll keep it moving and trucking but motivation will not be easy to come by.

[haroldmorales]

Someone once told me that they want to be like me one day and at the time it was flattering, but now I wish I can go back and tell them that that’s not what you want to be because the longer I live everything comes with a price.

Independence and self-reliance comes with a price.

Sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s empty but at the end of the day, you always have to look in the mirror and realize that the road you went down led you to this path. 

[haroldmorales]

When you’re surrounded by 90% negativity, your purpose in life is to turn the 10% that’s left into 100%

Basically feels like you’re trying invest in the stocks of life.

[haroldmorales]

Used to love it.

I used to love Christmas, I would get excited, I would sing songs and crave cocoa.

Now I don’t care for it, songs make me upset because it reminds me of something I feel I’ll never have.

All these commercials and shows showing things I’ll never have kind of make me bitter.

I don’t want to be but it’s the emotion that I get everytime I see it.

I’m not sure how to cure this but I’m sure it’ll never happen.

[haroldmorales]

Settle.

A big problem in society these days is that people create unrealistic expectations on who they want to be with, their status and to some extent their skills.

When this happens you create a belief that you deserve better than what you receive, then when it doesn’t happen you settle, then after you settle you get angry. After the anger comes the resent, then comes the lashing out at the circumstances that chose you, after that comes pain, after that comes more bitterness and anger until you take your final breath and realize that your belief created a failure.

Meanwhile if you play the cards you are dealt and turn ice into ice cream, then you can find true happiness.

[haroldmorales]

It’s not rock bottom.. yet.

Life has been good, I’ve had my ups and downs but now it’s at a crossroads because I feel like I have wasted a big opportunity and now I don’t know where to go.

The things I want out of life aren’t working out but it works out for others and I wonder why that is?

This is no ill will because I hope it works out for these folks but I sometimes wonder when will it be my time to shine, when is my door going to open, what will it take and how do I get to the goal I have in mind?

[haroldmorales]

The Road

Am I addicted to stagnation? Am I capable of making magic?

I always saw big things for myself but I’m always in a state of wonder and ifs and maybes.

It saddens me because as I get older I see my window of happiness closing and getting smaller. I’ve wasted so many opportunities that I now wonder if it’s my fate to fail and end up a failure like the ones I criticize.

I have to make a change, but I’m not sure where to start.

[haroldmorales]

What’s next

I’ll tell you what’s next, I’m slowly giving up on certain people.

I am always going to show faith and support them in their lives and potential careers but I’m done reaching out because some people only reach out when there’s a benefit and it’s quite sad.

[haroldmorales]

Rock Bottom

Rock bottom is a hot, cold, sad and wonderful place.

The heat is from the pressure you feel to escape the hole you are in.

The cold is the feeling of a lack of success as the world seems to pass you by.

The sad is how you see your position but those close to you could never understand and as much as they may want to help they have no answers.

It is a very wonderful place though, because of the humbling that occurs while you are positioned in the depths of rock bottom, it is also wonderful because you know that you can’t go any deeper and the only way out is up and that’s when hope begins again.

[haroldmorales]

The world we live

We live in a world where money means nothing, the justice system has big flaws, with hunger and anger at a high.

We live in a world where we glorify nonsense but ignore importance,

We reward ignorance and look down on intelligence and skill.

We live in a time everyone has something to say and disagreements are rarely civil.

We live in a world where we pour currency into cures and causes that lead to nothing, what’s the last thing that got cured?

The worst is that we live in a world where we allow all this to happen and carry on our days until our final breath is taken.

[haroldmorales]

Before and after , brownies.

[haroldmorales]

Nice and Good.

I believe there is a difference between being a good person or a nice person.

A nice person is good on the surface and wants to try to help and be good but can’t.

A good person has nothing but pure intentions, and always wants what is best for all involved.

I think I am a nice person, because I want to be good but in my core I don’t think I am and I’m not even sure how to change that.

[haroldmorales]

A point

I am reaching an age and a point in my life, where I am slowly realizing that permanent joy may not happen for me, so I start to live it through the eyes of others and enjoy their happinesses.

[haroldmorales]

It’s always good to see one of the best couples you know make it for so many years, after so many trials and tribulations, people from the inside and out trying to poke and slice their way through their relationship and after all that they are still standing today.

Aunt Jemima and Pancakes, thank you for giving hope that true love does exist.

[haroldmorales]

Everyone has many opinions, but only one character.

Think of quality and quantity before placing judgements because no one is perfect.

[haroldmorales]

Getting a pet is like starting a drug habit, it's there when you need it but when you don't, you walk away, both cost a lot of money and when it ends you need the fix so you get a new batch.

[haroldmorales]

Being

I'd rather die being a giver than live being given anything.