#OnlyInGotham

Gothamites tweeting about everyday stuff that happens in Gotham. Click submit to add your own, or send an ask!

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

[hashtagonlyingotham]

So I work at a diner not too far down the street from my apartment. Business is usually steady and the pay is decent, plus we get great tips. My one issue is that management has done little to combat the sexual harassment waitresses have to face on a daily basis. Anyways, I was working a double shift earlier tonight to cover for my coworker who’s baby is due in the next week, and as I was serving this group of bikers that usually stops in, one of them put their hand up my uniform skirt. Now, before this happened I noticed the guy at a small booth across the room, he had a leather jacket on over a hoodie, and had his head down with his hood up. Anyways, I asked the guy to get his hand out of my skirt, but he just laughed and actually slapped my ass and grabbed it again. I was about to start yelling at him to get off me, but before I could even blink, the guy from the booth literally launched himself across the room and landed on the table in front of us. It was fucking Red Hood!! He pulled a knife and held it to the guy’s neck and said if he didn’t let me go he would cut off his hand. He let go of me and I’m pretty sure he pissed himself. #thankyouRedHood #Ioweyoufreefoodnexttimeyoucomein #RedHoodisthecoolestnonhero #Idontthinkthoseguysaregonnacomeback #OnlyinGotham

[hashtagonlyingotham]

I was listening to music and smoking a joint on my roof at 3AM when Red Hood popped up behind me and I almost fell off. I asked him not to beat the shit out of me because I don’t sell weed I just smoke it. He just laughed at me, told me he wasn’t a fucking square like Batman and asked for a hit. #onlyingotham #thanksfornotkillingme

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

#onlyingotham Okay so, not to be like that but remember Stephanie Brown? Yeah, she was Tim Drake-Wayne’s girlfriend at some point. But a few years ago, that gang war happened and the vigilante Spoiler was killed, right?? I vividly remember the news covering the story and then Spoiler turned out to be Stephanie Brown?? She was also a Robin?? Now, this leads us to the fact that Bruce Wayne is Batman’s sugar daddy, so was Stephanie like aware of this??

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Alr so I’m moving to Gotham in a week and I have absolutely no clue what to bring. Sure I’ve heard about the villains and vigilantes and all that but I was wondering if anyone had any.. practical supplies ? all I’ve got so far is a taser and I’m pretty sure I’ll need more than that

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

y'all I heard Tiny Robin and Nightwing talking about someone named Blue Hood?? And Nightwing wants to do a party for them??? #onlyingotham do your vigilantes want to throw vigilante baby showers for new vigilantes

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

I take culinary classes at school and cook a lot. It was as stressful week and I just wanted to finish my homework and go to sleep but then my bus was destroyed by some gang, which also destroyed my uniform that was not cheap. I stared at the destroyed fabric before I slowly start to cry. Batman, who stopped the gang, asked what was up. I explained that my uniform was destroyed and I couldn’t afford to buy another one. I think he understod that I was physically and mentally exhausted so he handed me a tissue and called my mom as I just cried. While we waited he asked what my plans for the future were and what I liked to cook. Next morning I got a package from Wayne Enterprises. It was completely new uniform and a full ride scholarship. #onlyingotham #THANK YOU BATMAN #THANKYOUBRUCEWAYNE

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Ok I know Superman and Bruce Wayne have been seen at the same time BUT what if Bruce Wayne IS Superman and he´s just so fast that we think he's both places at once??? or maybe its an android??? #onlyingotham #conspiracytheory

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Apparently I have to get MULTIPLE psyche evaluations before getting my PhD... I'm a film major #onlyingotham

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

OK, so I was going through #OnlyInGotham cause I had nothing better to do and the only constant thought I had while reading that trainwreck-and-a-half was: Bruce Wayne and Batman should be allowed to say fuck without consequences. Can we get that trending? #LetBruceWayneSayFuck #LetBatmanSayFuck 

Update: I thought designing for the Bats and decking the Joker was the greatest achievement any Gothamite could have. Today, I found out that I proved myself wrong. #LetBruceWayneSayFuck and #LetBatmanSayFuck are trending. Now, if only I could get #TheJokerIsAWalkingEggplant  #CrustyAssJoker and #GetFuckedJoker trending....

Update 2: #TheJokerIsAWalkingEggplant, #CrustyAssJoker and #GetFuckedJoker are trending. Fuck, Imma go and cry of sheer pride and joy now, bye. #SaidItBeforeButBearsRepeating #ILoveThisCity

[hashtagonlyingotham]

There was a lot of noise coming from my rooftop. At 1 in the fucking morning. Being sleep deprived and absolutely enraged at being woken up, I opened my skylight and threw a sketchbook at Batman. Said sketchbook was filled with critique and improved versions of their suits. Not only did I not die but Batman apologized and made the others apologize. My dumb ass half-jokingly offered the book as an apology. He thought about it, accepted it and thanked me for it. They were a lot nicer than I expected considering Batman had a pretty big bruise on his jawline when they left (Red Hood gave me a high-five for that one). And yes, Gotham, I do, in fact, have sketchbooks for your Rogues too. Except for the Joker. He can cry, choke on his tears and die mad about it. #OnlyInGotham #IAmSorryBatman #IWasAimingForNightwing #CauseHeWasTheLoudest #IHopeYouLikeTheDesigns

Update: Gotham Academy (the school I go to) was held hostage by the motherfucking Joker. Because of my previous post. Took one look at this crusty-ass, abusive, walking eggplant (yes, I called him that out loud) and knocked the motherfucker out with my best right-hook. Seconds after Joker hit the ground, the Bats came in. While wearing the suits I designed. Batman had that “I want an explanation” face and everyone pointed at me. Fml. #BatmanSlightlySmirkedAfterHearingMeOut #IThinkHeDidThough  #RedHoodWasCryingOfLaughter #TinyRobinComplementedMyRightHook #SoDidNightwing  #RedRobinWasTakingAVideoTheWholeTime #ApparentlyTheVideoWasForOracle #IHopeOracleLikesIt #SpoilerWasProudOfMe #SoWasBlackBat #ILoveThisCity

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Not to be a dick or anything but why do we still get sad and shit everytime a robin dies. it's happened like twenty times now. they all look the same. i mean i get that yknow death is a very sad thing and shit. but i mean, who gives a shit about the robins?

update: a very angry man with a red bucket on his head outside my door, i fear for my life

#onlyingotham #pleasesendhelp #ohshitohsh

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

So my new Econ teacher just asked what we would do if we met Lex Luthor, and APPARENTLY "Punch him in the face" isn't as acceptible as it was in gotham. I miss Gotham, it may have been a literal dumpster fire, but at least our local billionaire wasn't a LITERAL SUPERVILLAIN. ours donates millions to charites and adopts every sad child who crosses his path! 

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Is someone going to ask Mary Dahl if The Dollhouse is a hotel or a museum?

Seriously all these super-fragile antiques out in the lobby are gonna get broken eventually by people’s stupidity. She got old movie equipment & stuff everywhere out there.

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

When you get woken up at 3 A.M. by Two Face and Black Mask arguing very loudly outside your apartment building about gang things. So you open your window to yell at them to shut up because you have an exam at 7 A.M. and they apologize and move their argument elsewhere. Then I got a hand written apology from the both of them in my mail the very next day….should I be concerned they know my address?

#OnlyInGotham #ShouldICallBatman? #AtLeastIDidntDie

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

#OnlyInGotham will your classmate with Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva decide to become a supervillain so that they can feel like they truly live before they lock up entirely. (I saw them looking at a black market psychic field generator and relay, so they could float around.)

‎

[hashtagonlyingotham]

Do the people of Gotham forget that billionaire Bruce Wayne is a dad? Like no Karen, he wasn’t falling asleep because you’re presentation was boring (although it kinda was) he’s falling asleep because he has to help his kids with his homework and only got an hour of sleep last night.

‎