So I’m trying not to think about Dean pacing outside Sam’s door, trying to work up the nerve to approach him. He may have put his finger on the doorbell, but pulled back. “What if he tells me to get lost?”
But then I think about Sam, when he aced his LSATs and almost dialed Dean’s number 100 times. “What if he just doesn’t care anymore?”
And then I wonder, how many times each of them said a small prayer everytime their phones rang “Please be him” or answered random “unknown callers” just in case.
Did Dean ever write out a postcard to send Sam when he was at a location he knew Sam would like? Or did Sam ever sit through a movie he hated just because he knew Dean would love it , and for a moment they would feel close to each other again?
Did Dean ever look at a picture of the 2 of them and whisper “I didn’t mean to chase you away” or did Sam ever look at a picture and whisper “I didn’t want to leave you”
Then I imagine Dean driving around Stanford just to catch a glimpse of his brother and make sure he’s okay. And Sam feeling his heart skip a beat everytime he saw an old black car, and then break a little more when it wasn’t Dean.
“I could just call him” they woud both say on their Birthdays, Christmas, and any time the nights were too dark and the air felt empty around them. Did they ever look up at the stars and wonder if the other was looking too?
I wonder how their hearts felt that moment they were finally in each other’s space again. Dean’s smile, Sam’s breathlessness. I wonder, did they not hug each other for fear the other would feel their heart pounding out of their chest?
I try not to think of these things….. but all too often I fail miserably. 💔😭
Oh, they definitely felt these things. It's funny because I was thinking about writing a small fic about the night Sam left/got kicked out for collage and how he and Dean shared a secret moment before he left.
