like a normal person I listen to one single mlp fan music artist an ungodly amount and get ideas to make tmnt edits that have a meaning completely separate to the meaning the song was intended to have. because I’m normal.
in the same way 2012 leonardo reminds me of myself ‘12 splinter reminds me a lot of my parents. he got thrown into a lot of unexpected shit and ended up having to raise the turtles and the circumstances were maybe not perfect but he tried! which. actually makes it worse. kind of. because no matter how hard he tried he fucked up and he fucked up big on some things. things that are going to permanently affect his kids, but you can’t really hate him for that because it’s not like he didn’t genuinely love them. you have to respect all the care and sacrifice that came with raising them and yes he’s flawed but he’s a kind man trying his hardest and what else can you ask for? so you can’t hate him. you can’t hate your dad for loving you. but in the little ways you see the world is fractured from the ways he slipped up. part of you wants to be so mad because if he had just done things a little differently maybe you wouldn’t feel so broken. maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone. maybe you wouldn’t feel like you have to do half the work raising your brothers and maybe you’d feel more comfortable FEELING. and in bad moments your brain swarms and everything is horrible and honestly you DO hate him for that. you hate how broken you are and you can’t help but blame him for all his fuck ups. you know how much he loves you and how hard he tried but maybe he didn’t try hard enough? maybe it was never fair how much he expected of you? maybe he didn’t love you enough? maybe you never actually were his first priority? what if he doesn’t actually deserve your respect? because when did he ever even actually care? and maybe those are all irrational thoughts but you still feel it. you still feel like he didn’t actually care about you. you still feel like maybe you do a better job taking care of your brothers than he does. but you’re just a kid. you don’t want to think that way. you don’t want to have to look after them like that. maybe he’s just a human(rat) who makes mistakes in the effort to do good but why did he have to make those mistakes? you want to tear shit apart you want to lash out but you can’t because no matter what he never abused you. maybe he wasn’t always there when you needed him but you can’t even say that to him because you know! you know he loves you more than anything! and so the anger is short lived and all you can do is feel hollow and sad about it. because you’re trapped. trapped dealing with all of his mistakes
anyway, I adore vylet pony, you’re not a real musician has had me in a chokehold for like 3 weeks in a row now it’s horrible the way it’s infested my mind. if you couldn’t tell I’ve been thinking about it that long by this post.