have a sexy, smart time

your modern health class for a young person, by a young person

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Consent: Examining How “No” Is Perceived

Part 2 of the blog’s Sex Installation!

A part of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship is establishing whether or not you want to carry out an action or even continue it. No matter what, you shouldn’t be persuaded, forced, or coerced into something you don’t want to do. Today’s topic definitely connects to my sex series and intimate encounters overall (even kissing), but consent can also be applied to outside the bedroom door. The bottom line is, you should always feel okay with whatever both you and the other party are doing. 

I can’t stress enough how important consent is, especially because not everyone knows what it really encompasses. So let’s go over the basics:

tw: I will be including examples of what refusing consent looks like and some personal experiences (S.A.).

What is it?

Consent is basically agreeing to go forth with the intimate activities you and your partner decided to do and knowing that you can stop at any moment. This is about the autonomy that you carry as a human being. May I also add a key component: just because you said yes to something doesn’t mean you will say yes to the same act or something different, so people don’t go about making assumptions. Consent can be expressed verbally and/or physically. It’s all about YES not NO!

YES looks like:

Positive “I” statements

“I want to do ___”

“Continue ___”

“I’m open to trying ___”

“I like ___”

Enthusiastic consent

“Is this okay?”

“Do you like this?”

Letting your partner know they can stop at any moment

Physical cues (all positive)

Smiling

Eye contact

Moans/verbal affirmations

NO looks like:

“No”

“I want to stop”

“I can’t do this”

If your partner is unsure/doubtful about doing something

“I don’t know...”

“I guess...”

Your partner moving away, getting up

When a person says no or indicates that they want to stop, you listen. Do not argue with the wall about this. You simply stop and make sure that they’re okay; don't refuse consent. Let me also remind you of some scenarios where a person can’t even give consent...

If they're unconscious, drunk, or asleep

If they're underage (check your state laws)

If they’re visibly upset or not even responding to you

...and some scenarios where you are refusing someone’s consent:

If you have to coerce/persuade someone to do something sexual

If you assume someone is going to do the same action or if that they’re “into” something and you make unwanted sexual contact

If you assume that because the way someone looks or carries themselves that they’re into something and you make unwanted sexual contact

Guess what: if you do anything within these scenarios then congratulations, you’re breaking the law!

FRIES (Planned Parenthood)

If you look at my tagline for the blog, you’ll read “your modern health class for a young person, by a young person.” I wanted to discuss consent because us young people need to remember the difference between yes and no. Of course any person of any age can give consent, but it still seems like some young people don’t know what yes and no looks like. I was sexually assaulted in middle school by this one guy multiple times over the course of three maybe four months. He would come up to me and grope me and act like it was all good. But it wasn’t. This wasn’t a sexual situation where he and I were getting involved, but this shows that in a normal school setting, he made unwanted sexual contact without asking for my consent. Now I’m in college and I hear about so many incidents and I’m over here revisiting the questions I had when I was just a middle schooler. Do people know what they’re doing? Do people  know what consent is? Do people even know what ”no” looks like? So that’s why I’m explaining. This shouldn’t be such a hard concept to grasp nor ignore, and I’m tired of the existence of sexual harassment and sexual assault. Please educate everyone you know about consent, ESPECIALLY kids so they can grow up to be decent human beings. Let me also remind you that yes, kids can give consent too (not in the intimate way but if a child doesn’t want to be hugged or touched some way, then that is completely valid so don’t do it). 

Consent is sexy, so have a sexy, smart time with your communication.

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🌟Soon on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Wrap It or Pap It: Protecting Yourself From STI’s and More

For more about consent:

https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent

https://www.avert.org/sex-stis/consent

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org

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I’m Back!

Hello everyone! I have returned to the blog after a long two-ish years! First, let me say that I am so, so sorry for leaving you waiting if you were looking forward to reading new posts; life has been c r a z y, and I’m not going to go into the specifics exactly because we all have been going through it, but I'll give you some insight as to what happened with me.

I started this blog at the end of my senior year of high school and set (unrealistic) goals to post a couple times a month. Yeah well I went to college and those goals went down the drain because I was so busy with academics and even during the breaks, I wanted to relax and do nothing. Keeping up with HASST means conducting my own research, making my own graphics, and then writing a decent post per theme/topic. If I’m being honest, I was lazy. I know I had a lot of ideas, but HASST wasn’t a top priority at the time, and I let time go on and on while my poor blog was being neglected. Now it’s the end of 2021 and I want to change that.

I can’t guarantee that I’ll be posting a lot on a strict schedule, but I can promise you all that I’ll be active. I know there are a lot of topics people need to know about and I want to help spread awareness and just educate you all about things that might not be talked about in bigger spaces. My next topic that I’ll be writing about is consent, and honestly this one hits home. As a college student, it’s unfortunate to hear about multiple incidents where someone’s consent is abused, especially because you hear about a new case or two or three or four every semester. I should be hearing about 0 cases. In fact, this shit shouldn’t be happening at all. I’m fortunate to be involved with the Title IX office at my school and serving as a S.A. prevention liaison, so I’ve gathered a lot of resources and materials that I’d like to share with you all. Expect the consent post to come out really soon.

I’m happy to be back from my hiatus and I will do my best to continue the blog. In the meantime, enjoy the holidays and don’t forget to have a sexy, smart time.

With love,

L

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🌟Soon on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Consent: Examining How “No” Is Perceived

[staff]

Well good evening Miss I have a small doubt can we do sex normally or we can avoid our sex for covid can I you justify. Thanks

There’s a good article in the Guardian that summarizes sex and other forms of intimate physical contact. In summary: 

It’s not sexually transmissible BUT can be spread through kissing, and possibly also ‘feco-orally,’ which means rimming might have to be off the cards for a while.

If someone is symptomatic, they should be self-isolating, which means sex is also off the cards. 

For asymptomatic people who live together—sure, have sex. 

For couples who live apart, unfortunately, the advice from this article says: 

“The recommendation right now is that we try to stay home as much as we can and really only interact with people for things that are essential, like groceries. And even when we do that, try to keep some physical distance of about 6ft from other people. That would definitely make sex a challenge. Sexual intercourse may decrease during the next few weeks, but other forms of expressing eroticism, such as sexting, video-calls, reading erotica, and masturbation, will continue to be options.”

If you’re single, sadly, the advice seems to be to limit physical connections with other people. 

Check out the full Answer Time here! 

[haveasexysmarttime]

Hello all! As we approach different safety measures during this pandemic, it’s important to know about the precautions revolving around safe sex. Hopefully, this helps! Please remember to have a sexy, smart time!

-L

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Sex...What the F**k Is It?

Part 1 of my “Sex Installation” for the blog. Sex brings a lot to the table so what you’re about to read is the overview of sex. Expect discussions about consent, contraception and STI’s.

We’ve finally come to the juicy info you’ve wanted to read about (and yes I’m sorry this took so long life is hectic oKAY)!!! Not to say that this is more or less important than any other topic I’ve written about, but I know this was highly anticipated. Brace yourselves, however, I’m going to break down and review the many complex aspects of sex, from what it is to what to expect from it. Alright, let’s go have some fun, shall we?

Interpretations of Sex

Definitions

So when you think of sex, you might think man and woman (face it, the world is still hung up on cisgender-hetero norms) getting it on. If I’m being honest, that’s what comes to my mind because I am a heterosexual female, but this isn’t the case for everyone. When you Google the definition of sex this is what you get:

Notice how Google defines it in a broad manner without any mention of gender or sexuality; this is a good thing because the definition is relative! Also, notice how the definition includes the phrase “sexual intercourse”. This phrase is your typical penis-in-vagina action (the key is penetration), so there’s one way of having sex. Straight sexual intercourse is often paired with foreplay, aka the intro to the activities. This can include touching, penetration with fingers or another object (like a sex toy), and even more (it’s up to you!). Okay now let’s say you and your partner are queer and/or gay; sex doesn’t follow the cis-hetero version of intercourse, but it can be other activities I described before. In this case, sex is considered to be fluid, but then again, a cis-hetero couple can do the same stuff when they have sex. My point in this section is everyone has their own way of defining how they have sex, but that way might not be the same as others. At the end of the day, sex is sex and you’re feeling good, so enjoy yourselves while you’re at it. Also, don’t shame others for what they do during sex.

How it brings people together

In my opinion, sex is always sought after. You’re either looking for a hookup, an adventure, or a long-lasting relationship with sex included as a benefit (this can from friends with benefits to a full-time relationship/marriage). Yes, there are times where sex can be an unexpected heat-of-the-moment deal, but the parties obliged towards it sooooo...yeah, does that make sense to you? In any scenario, people are brought together by their needs. I mean, come on, who wouldn't?

Why people do it

I find that there can be three reasons as to why people have sex: pleasure, procreation, or resolution.

Pleasure: When you have sex, endorphins and hormones are released, specifically dopamine and oxytocin, and trigger a good feeling that can build up to an orgasm. Muscles in your body contract and tighten up, and when you add these to another partner’s contracting muscles, it feels good all around. It’s a warm feeling that many desire.

Procreation: If you are having unprotected sex and it turns out that fertilization happens, then boom pregnancy is now a reality. It’s simple; people have sex because they want to start a family!

Resolution: I’ve heard of times where two parties have conflicts and decide to solve them with sex. Here are some examples: hate sex, breakup sex, post-fight sex, sex for closure, etc. It’s a release, whether emotional, physical, or mental.

Logistics of Sex

What can happen?

Sex has countless outcomes that can be good or bad, but it’s up to you. If we go back to my thoughts about why people have sex, there are possibilities for every purpose. If we go back to pleasure, you can experience pleasure or displeasure, or maybe both? Engaging in sex means over time, you need to know your partner/s’(s) body/ies and how to make them feel good; it’s a learning experience that takes time to learn. With procreation, it’s either you get pregnant or not. Now with resolution, things become complicated. Maybe you are satisfied with what happened with the sex and you’re ready to move on, or maybe hidden feelings arise and you’re stuck on a person, or maybe the thing you and your partner fought over doesn’t mean anything anymore because the sex solved it. These are only a FEW of MANY outcomes that can happen because, in reality, sex can make things better or worse; it just depends on a person and what’s going on in their life.

There’s also another aspect I didn’t cover in the definition section: protection. When dealing with sex, there are certain risks like pregnancy and STI’s. It’s highly recommended to use contraceptives when having sex but they won’t protect you from everything due to the fact that some infections are transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. When you become sexually active, it’s important to be responsible with your body, so check-ups and intimate conversations will come up, especially when dealing with multiple partners. You may never know what some people can carry, but never shame them for them if they aren’t aware of it. Like I’ve said in past blogs, anything regarding sexual habits shouldn’t be kept away in a taboo world. Sex brings these intimate conversations to light because, at the end of the day, you just want to protect your health (and others too).

I hope this brief overview of sex helps. At this point in your life, I’m sure you’ve engaged in a conversation regarding sex by talking, listening, or watching. It’s an important topic to address because stigma exists around it when it’s such a natural thing. No matter what, don’t be scared. In the next couple of weeks, I’ll be explaining other elements to consider for sex, so keep your eyes peeled for some more important information. When you have sex, I want you to remember one thing: be safe and have a sexy, smart time.

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🌟Next week on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Consent: Examining How “No” Is Perceived

Resources for more about sex:

https://www.healthline.com/health/why-does-sex-feel-good#3

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/six-things-you-shouldnt-assume-about-queer-sex

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Sex Behind the Screen: Exploring Porn and Its Portrayal of Sex

So last week we visited the topic of masturbation and some of the interviews hinted at this week’s post because yes, porn and masturbation go hand-in-hand. Porn is probably the number one catalyst to get you off and climax because to many, it offers visual stimulation. You as the viewer imagine yourself in the video and get to do the unimaginable. The question is, is what you’re watching an accurate representation of what sex is really like? Like let’s be honest, boning a girl upside down on top of a car isn’t the most realistic thing when it comes to sex. So what is?

Here’s some stuff that will blow your mind about porn: first of all, the sex isn’t entirely real. It takes multiple hours and pills to pull off one scene in porn. And when the actors’ bodies can’t even create real ejaculate, then guess what? A fake version is made up. Did I also mention that the actors are sprayed with fake sweat to make it look like they’ve been going at it for hours? Keep in mind, these people are acting...aka they’re working very long hours to shoot your wildest fantasies, and I mean this for any category (unless the porno is one submitted by a real couple). You can go cry in the corner now.

Here’s my concern: in a world where technology is slowly taking over our lives rather than actual conversation, I’m afraid that people are getting the wrong facts from the wrong sources. So yeah, porn can be a sense of FAKE NEWS, people! In all honesty, sex isn’t what you think it is. It’s not going to be dramatic, or rough and wild, or even hot and steamy. To be honest, it can be awkward, but it can be fun. But most importantly, sex is natural. It’s not staged with all these positions or gestures. It’s whatever goes with the flow.

Another bone to pick with porn is that it doesn’t focus on some important things, like foreplay. With foreplay, it’s the shortest part of the video. People, you need to understand that you need to rev the engine up for a very long time. Not only does it set the mood, but it literally stimulates your senses and gets you ready for the next step, such as penetration (either vaginal or anal!). Foreplay also shouldn’t be focused on one person either. Everyone participating deserves a healthy balance of stimulation.

Now let’s move on to other portrayals of sex I don’t agree with. WHERE ARE THE CONDOMS? Most pornos these days include actors that have unprotected sex...and what does this tell the public? Actually, what does this tell men? According to Covenant Eyes, “79 percent of 18 to 30-year-old American men watch internet porn at least once per month” (Crandall). With this stat, we know that the majority of people that watch porn are men, and they watch from a pretty young age*. With people watching from a young age, they believe the idea that unprotected sex is better in terms of comfort. The notion that having sex without condoms “feels better” is pretty dangerous because it makes people refuse to wear them. To some people, condoms are a stigma, and this shouldn’t be the case. SO WRAP IT UP! 

One other thing...let’s talk about consent. It’s basically inexistent in the porn industry. Yes, I know that it’s acting and porn is based off a script, but some people don’t see it this way, and it can lead to aggressive behaviors. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some pornos that contain content that’s borderline rape, and people are still okay with it. The public needs to know that you can’t just move along with things once a kiss turns hot and heavy. Partners must establish that actions are okay to perform with each other.

So here’s the deal. Porn isn’t realistic of what real sex is like. Sure, it’s easy to get you off, but don’t use porn as a crutch. Remember, porn is simply acting! I’m not here to shame you if you watch it, we’ve all had our phases. Just remember when you have sex for real, ignore the porn and have a sexy, smart time.

*It’s important to note that porn websites only allow people 18+ to watch, but we know damn well that younger kids watch too and lie about their age, so keep that in mind with young boys.

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🌟Next week on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Sex...What the F**k is It?

Citation

Crandall, Diana. “Here’s Who Is Actually Watching Porn.” ATTN:, 1449891483, https://archive.attn.com/.

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Sexual Feeling: Why Masturbation is Good for You

*I hope you’re thinking of Marvin Gaye right now*

Alright so you might’ve read the title of this week’s post like “oh now things are getting serious” and yes, it is, but I don’t think you should react this way. You know why? Because this is a topic that a lot of people choose not to talk about, It’s like, an underground discussion. It’s taboo. Why though? Well, it’s a personal practice, and for some it’s a habit. Some people feel vulnerable talking about it and some feel shameful. This week’s post is going to examine the beauty of masturbation and I hope that I do my best to take away the stigma around it.

So masturbation. What is it exactly? It’s self pleasure tailored to you, and what I mean by this is that it’s an opportunity for you to learn about yourself by yourself. I bet that what I’m about to describe was an experience that a lot of people had: you’re young, maybe in elementary school, and you’re sitting on something or rubbing on something (maybe accidentally?) and you notice that it makes you feel some type of way, like a reaallllly good way, and you continue because you like it. This was your introduction of masturbation and the start of a personal journey. Eventually it led to a curious mind wondering what was happening under your pants. As you grew older you might have searched for a better feeling and explored, or maybe you didn’t. There are many factors into why a person chooses to/not to masturbate and I’d say your upbringing plays a big role in it. For this week’s post I wanted some insight into different perspectives and views towards masturbation, so I conducted a mini interview with several people (female and male) who either masturbate or don’t. 

Read the interviews here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTf5lp11Poxook-X2I9y8Hw2-vwDZDu4IENwNGAPv9marWRxIX--ZVjGGX3G9aSfI0K3Mg-t8rfx5s1/pub

There’s a lot to break down about masturbation. Luckily with what I know and what I learned from the interviewees, I can answer some questions about why people do it, if it’s wrong, or even how it can affect people. You already know the what about masturbation, but now let’s look at who, when, where, and why.

Who masturbates?

Everyone. Literally anyone and everyone from all backgrounds, races, genders, sexualities, and cultures. The whole entire world likes to pleasure themselves. 

When do people masturbate?

Any time that is suitable for them. People live busy lives so it depends on their schedules. From the interviews, most people said a couple times a week. 

Where do people masturbate?

Wherever seems the most comfortable. Remember, masturbation allows you to have your own personal time so you want to be relaxed and focused on just you. 

Why do people masturbate?

There’s many reasons for masturbation. A lot of the time, people need a release, whether they’re holding back some sexual feelings or even stress. One of my interviewees said he does it to go to sleep; it makes sense because after a male ejaculates, he enters a refractory period where he feels tired. Physically speaking, masturbating can help you be more in tune to your body. You learn what works for you and this can help in the bedroom with a partner (your communication skills will be boosted!) There’s also some scientific benefits to doing it. You feel good doing it because endorphins and hormones are released into your body and when you continue you orgasm. Ever heard of that? Well, it’s a euphoric experience (we’re going to explore the magic of orgasms in a later edition of HAAST). Can I also mention how sometimes these endorphins can literally heal you. Yes! Let’s say you have a headache or you’re a bit achy. Your body is a natural painkiller, so go for it! But yeah, different strokes for different folks!

The point is, masturbation is very healthy. There are many great reasons why people do it, but some people feel hesitant to the idea. One of my interviewees explained that he felt distracted by masturbation. When he was younger, he was practically addicted to it and it hurt his social and academic life, so, he made the change and it turned his life around. So let’s talk more about this “addictive” view of masturbation. Yes, unfortunately people do become addicted to masturbation/sex and it can destroy some aspects of their life. SO PLEASE, FOR ME, MASTURBATE TO A HEALTHY EXTENT (and If you need help, talk to someone!!!). There’s also a totally other aspect as to why some people don’t want to masturbate: shame. Throughout my life, I noticed that most religious and conservative upbringings are anti-healthy sex life. It’s all about abstinence in their world, and yeah this can be an attractive lifestyle to some, but it’s been shoved in so many people’s faces (especially at a young page) that a person thinks it’s not alright to explore their sexuality. In my opinion, this sucks. Like I said in the beginning of the post, masturbation is taboo and stigmatized as a gross/weird thing to do. People shouldn’t feel wrong doing something so right. They have the right to know what their body is capable of, and yes, it’s amazing. the worst part about this shame is that even if people masturbate, some still feel “dirty” or “wrong”. NO. I HATE THIS! Forget the shame and take control of what’s yours (but at the same time respect others and their experiences because this world needs love and acceptance k thx). 

Look, overall this is what I’m trying to say: choosing whether to not to masturbate is all up to you. Everyone has different backgrounds that influence their decisions in the future. Just don't shame each other. If someone says they don't masturbate, then they don't and you need to respect their decision. If someone says they do, don't react negatively. Don’t think masturbation is gross, impure, or foreign. It’s completely normal and healthy in many ways. If you chose to do it, good for you. All you have to remember is to have a sexy, smart time with your beautiful body❤️❤️❤️.

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🌟Next week on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Sex Behind the Screen: Exploring Porn and Its Portrayal of Sex

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A Bleeding Love: Coming to Terms With Your Period

I If you’ve ever seen Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, then you know about the scene with the blood rushing out into the main hallway. It looks a little something like this:

The hallway fills up more and more with blood. The exact thing happens to your underwear the first time you get your period. Welcome to womanhood! Yes, the arrival of your period, or menstruation marks the start of a lot of external physical changes you experience during puberty (go back to the last post if you want to know more about what I’m talking about). A period isn't just bleeding, it’s part of a more official term called “The Menstrual Cycle” and ladies, this plays a role in baby-making. Generally speaking, this cycle helps you keep track of timing for conception (having a kid), but why do you bleed?

Like I said, the bleeding is part of the menstrual cycle, which lasts for about 28 days, so, yeah every month your basement area is working hard. If we break the cycle down to phases, there are three: bleeding, ovulation, and thickening of the uterine lining. Let’s go over each phase!

Phase 1: Bleeding 

Days 1-7 ///  Your uterine lining sheds/bleeds in order to make some space for a baby. Also, there’s no shame in having sex when you’re bleeding at this time, just make sure to communicate with your partner about this and be safe!

Phase 2: Ovulation

Days 10-14 /// Your ovary releases an egg. This is the best time to have sex IF YOU WANT A KID because the egg can get fertilized by sperm. If not, stay safe out there!!

Phase 3: Thickening of the Uterine Lining

Days 17-28 /// Your uterine lining prevents any means of conception. Hormones build up a lot to prepare to shed again. This is a really good time to have sex IF YOU DON’T WANT A KID. Remember to stay safe!!!

**Days 8-9 and 15-16 are weird times where it’s possible to conceive**

Alright, so now that you have a better understanding of why your body bleeds, you have to find a way to take care of the blood. Welcome to the part of the blog post where we talk about collection methods! Yes, there are many ways that you can choose from in order to hold your blood and lining throughout the day. It’s up to you to pick the best way for you.

The most popular collection methods that women use are tampons and pads/panty liners, but cups and period panties are gaining popularity too recently (there’s also something called free-bleeding but in my opinion it’s unhygienic and too scary to predict when you’re going to bleed). In simple terms, some collection methods go outside (O) of your vagina and some go inside (I).

Tampons (I): a cotton plug with a string attached to the end that can allow you to pull it out when the cotton is full of blood, sometime the cotton part is covered by a plastic inserter to make it easier to put it inside you.

Pad (O): a slab of thin foam/cotton that you stick on the inside of your underwear, aka, the classic peel-and-stick.

Cup (I): a silicone/plastic cup that you insert inside you, right side up, and like the tampon you pull it out when it’s full. This might be a little messier but it still works!

Period Panties (O): a normal pair of underwear that are specially formulated to collect a lot of blood while staying comfortable.

Panty Liners (O): like the pad but smaller and only meant for the first and last days of your period where there isn’t a lot of blood to collect

Know that you don’t have to pick one method because your friend does. Like I said, pick the method that works for you. And also, notice how I talk about panty liners and pads and how they’re used for different amounts of blood? Well yeah there’s that to discuss to. A normal period lasts a fairly short time (like 3-5 days) and you can bleed lightly or heavily, or maybe even spot. It depends on every body because nobody’s biology is the same. However, if you have a longer period, or you’re bleeding a lot, or even if it hurts to bleed, please talk to a doctor! I cannot stress this enough, especially because your reproductive health plays a HUGE role in your body as a woman, and because no one should suffer at all! Here’s another thing I want to clarify as I write this post. When I discuss the three phases of the menstrual cycle, I mention which phases are good/not good for conception. Now, when you think of conception it’s like a male+female thing because yeah, sperm and vagina. Now, if you're a member of the LGBTQ+ community, then this may not pertain to you based on what your gender/sexuality is and what you want in your future, but either way, if you’re bleeding or not, have sex and be safe. pls. Just remember to have a sexy, smart time.

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Glossary from https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/hp.asp

Menstruation: The periodic blood that flows as a discharge from the uterus. Also called menorrhea, the time during which menstruation occurs is referred to as menses. The menses occurs at approximately 4 week intervals to compose the menstrual cycle.

Uterine Lining: The inner layer of the uterus (womb); the cells that line the womb; anatomically termed the endometrium.This tissue is normally shed monthly in response to the hormonal changes of the menstrual period.

Egg: Ovum, the female sex cell.

Sperm: A sperm is the male "gamete" or sex cell. It combines with the female "gamete," called an ovum, to form a zygote. The formation process is called "fertilization." 

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🌟Next week on Have a Sexy, Smart Time: Sexual Feeling: Why Masturbation is Good for You

Download Clue to track your period: https://app.adjust.com/pxntlb, https://app.adjust.com/9hq55q?fallback=https%3A%2F%2Fplay.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.clue.android

Resources for more about periods:

https://helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/the-menstrual-cycle-more-than-just-the-period

https://www.womenshealth.gov/menstrual-cycle

[haveasexysmarttime]

Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest, You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates

“I Sing the Body Electric” by Walt Whitman

[haveasexysmarttime]

Puberty: How and Why You’re Changing

So you’re growing up, huh? You’re in those odd stages between childhood and those teen years and there’s a lot to expect. Although it may seem scary, it’s totally normal (yes, everyone goes through it). There’s a reason why the adults will make fun of you for your “teen angst” and it’s because of puberty; and no, they don’t mean any harm. They just laugh at your misunderstandings. Going through a major change is very confusing and it happens so gradually. I like to think of it as “silent but deadly”, but no, you’re not going to die. In fact, it took me a while to realize that I was going through puberty. To me, it was just odd. I didn’t have a problem with it because I knew that this change served a purpose. Now here’s the thing. Some people hated puberty, and some appreciated it. There were also some people that felt indifferent towards it (like me). When I asked some people how to describe puberty, these were some responses I received:

The majority carry negative connotations, but you shouldn’t think of it as a bad thing. Puberty is a time remembered for natural body changes to help you develop into a full-grown adult. Essentially, your body is on this natural schedule preparing you to mate and prepare for your own babies. Yes, babies. Whether you want children or not, your body will give you the finger and move along. So what exactly happens?

BOOM!🤯

Body hair, a deeper voice, acne, weird growth spurts (height especially), defined facial features, and the worst: RAGING HORMONES!!

These are the general changes that everyone experiences, but each gender has its own specific changes. I think by looking at a man or a woman, you can spot some noticeable differences, so there’s going to be different experiences that shape your growing years.

FEMALES: (Note to Self: You start changing before the guys, so technically, you become mature faster. Who run the world?)

BOOBIES!! Yep, there’s gonna be some breast development

Estrogen and progesterone are flowing within (plays a key role with your vagina)

Irritability and sadness

Hips widen (once again, your body is preparing to have a kid, so this makes way for a baby to come out)

MALES:

Penis and testicles! These are your sex organs that carry your children and put them inside a woman

TESTOSTERONE (this flows within you)

Muscles grow and become defined

The important part to know about puberty is that it’s triggered by some simple chemicals (aka the hormones). They mainly drive the reproductive system forward, but they affect other things too. You see, your hormones need to stay balanced, and this depends on your lifestyle and how you manage it. When your hormones aren't in balance, it has some bad effects, like too much body hair, or some wicked acne, or even those sad emotions you don’t want (Eske) . In reality, both males and females share the same hormones, but in different amounts (so that’s why I say females have e+p and males have t). Whatever happens, accept hormones and accept puberty. You need it to become an adult. And also, don't forget to take care of yourself! Eat right, exercise, and find activities or even people to keep you happy. AND ONE LAST THING: don’t forget that you aren't going through this alone. Like I said, everyone has to go through this too. So yeah, maybe when someone's having a bad day, their hormones aren't in balance and you need to keep that in mind. Perspective helps you keep yourself in check of the world! You’re going to experience some wack stuff, so let me give you some of my own testimonies regarding puberty.

When puberty started for me, events in my personal life made me extra angsty, and I could tell because of all the sad songs I listened to by Lana Del Rey and The Weeknd.

There was the ~training bra phase~ and at that time, my mom would buy them for me.

Buying bras was weird because my lil boobs were new and I felt ashamed of my size, but when I walked into Victoria’s Secret for the first time for my own benefit, I felt comforted in this safe female space and realized that breasts come in all sizes.

Getting my period for the first time was a bit scary yet anticlimactic. At that point I accepted that I would suffer for a long time.

There was a lot of lust for some boys and lord, I could see the sexual desire in everyone around me.

Now, yeah, you can figure out that I am a girl. So what are some experiences that happen for guys? I asked some and the common answer I got was this: RaNdOm BoNeRs, aka the penis becomes hard at any moment of time. Typically this happens when a male is aroused, but when it happens randomly, it can be very embarrassing and hard to conceal (hahahah hard). 

Are you relieved yet? Puberty is normal; it’s natural and happens for many important reasons. Just know that you’re going to get through it but it’ll take time. It’s very complex but also rewarding at the end. For the next couple weeks, I’ll be discussing more about the specific parts like periods and sex+desire. For now, just make sure you keep your hormones in balance and have a sexy, smart time doing so.

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🌟Next week on Have a Sexy, Smart Time:  A Bleeding Love: Coming to Terms With Your Period

Resources to read more about puberty:

https://medlineplus.gov/puberty.html

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/puberty

Citation

Eske, Jamie. “Female Sex Hormones: Types, Roles, and Effect on Arousal.” Medical News Today, MediLexicon International, 4 Apr. 2019, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324887.php.

[haveasexysmarttime]

🌟I’ll be posting every Tuesday or Wednesday (or at least trying!)

I’ll also post some resources/podcast info/shows/series that further talk about some of the topics I’ll be discussing that correlate to the weekly topic.

Next week’s topic: PUBERTY: Understanding How and Why You’re Changing

[haveasexysmarttime]

Hello, Spontaneous You!

Picture this:

You’re sitting in your health class at school, and you feel really weird because maybe you don't like your teacher, or maybe there’s a kid in the class that doesn’t take anything seriously (yes, he/she is always giggling when the teacher says “penis”).

or...

Maybe you’re sitting with your parent/guardian(s) and they’re giving you “the talk”. All of that birds and the bees bullsh*t.

or.......

Maybe you never learned some stuff about your body. Maybe you struggled during puberty and questioned the changes in your body and the society around you. Maybe you want to learn more about yourself!

That’s why this blog exists. I created this to help you understand what it’s like to take control of your body and feel comfortable. No matter who you are, you should have the privilege of having some type of health class, and I hope I can teach you. This page is going to have a lot. Expect some lengthy discussions about stuff like sex, periods, taboos, orgasms, changes to the body, and even some fun stuff like a couple quotes from Whitman here and there, or maybe a couple of statistics to enlighten you on the reality of society. Join me in a future of enjoying a sexual liberation as well as an overall understanding of who you are.

And always remember to have a sexy, smart time.

-L