A little tale
Hereās a Roller Derby story for you. It is not about a last minute victory or a hard fought triumph or a devastating loss. It is about LOVING skating, LOVING being in a team and also a little bit about me being a numpty.
I worked in a school in London as a Maths Teacher and also played roller derby for London Rollergirls. It was a very hectic, busy and exhausting time, but it was also CLASS. My school had been very accommodating of my requests for term time off, allowing me a week off here and there to go and tour the USA and so on. However LRG had a tournament coming up in beautiful Vermont on a weekend in September and I knew school would never agree to itā¦.
So I hatched a plan - I would pull a sicky on Thursday, Friday and Monday and leave really thorough cover and just sort it all out when I returned. On the Wednesday I went to school ready to run through the gates at 3.30 and head to my flat, then Heathrow. Just as I was about to leave I was informed there was an open evening we had to stay for till SEVEN PM. My flight was at 8pm - this was a very big spanner in the works!!!! Of course I had to feign enthusiasm for this as I tried to think of a plan B without visibly showing panic. The Maths department went for an Indian, at the dinner table I started complaining about being illā¦ Cue a very awkward conversation with the second in charge where I said I really better go home and rest. My Mam was poised ready to ring the school and pretend to be me each Morning, all geordies sound alike!
By this point I was 100% up a height, panicking I would miss my flight, miss the tournament and leave the team a jammer short. I literally did some kind of Iron Man assault course with a suitcase from Barking to Holloway to Heathrow, where a lovely woman let me check in even though I was minutes late. I breathed a sigh of relief as I waltzed through, until a man told me I was picked for a ārandom FULL body searchā. Upon reflection, being a sweaty and panicked mess, I probably did look like a nervous drugs mule. To my relief no latex gloves were required and it was merely a pat down.
Since I left sunny England much later than all my team mates I had a lonely stay over in JFK airport and a connecting flight to Vermont the next day. However three of my team mates (and also BFFs), Grievous Bodily Charm, Frightning Bolt and Raw Heidi greeted me with a sign that said ā***** Lucy International Mathleteā !!!!
We had a tough weekend playing Roller Derby against maybe Philly, Baltimore and Montreal.Ā Once we had played our games, on the Sunday Evening, we began drinking. I vaguely remember an LRG dance routine to Gangnam Style and perhaps a sing along to Call Me Maybe and LMFAO. Songs very much of their timeā¦
There was some kind of school bus to an after party venue that was all free pouring. We donāt have free pouring in England anymore and that is why I think we were all very āenthusiasticā at the after party - at least that is my excuse. There are photos from climbing inside the bus, but I have chosen to omit these hahaha. At the time we were the only European team in these playoffs, so I think we liked to make an appearance/spectacle.
Once the party bus dropped us back at the hotel there was a big roller girl party in the lobby where everyone was jumping in a big swimming pool. This must have been late on. Due to my āpulling a sickyā, I hadĀ booked on to the earliest possible flight which was 6am on the Monday morning. I had predicted I would be very enthusiastic about after partying so had already packed my suitcase and locked it. My plan was to stay up until I had to get my taxi to the airport and not bother going to bed.Ā
Of course seeing all the roller girls jumping in the water made me want to jump in the water so I just ran in fully clothed and bombed straight in. An excellent life choice I would highly recommend to be honest.
All of this was super fun and amazing until I realised I had no spare clothes due to already locking my suitcase and packing everything away in readiness. The only thing I had that was not wet was a lycra jumpsuit covered in jungle animals. No underwear. I had to make do.Ā
Somehow I got through security despite smelling like a pub and looking like a moron. Finally I got on the long haul flight and was looking forward to hiding away from the world. I sat in my seat -then the friendliest and most enthusiastic business man started talking to me. Now normally I love a chat, but I was wondering what he thought I was? What was it about the lack of sleep/stench of alcohol/jungle leotard that he was in to? All I wanted to do was hide and now I felt I had to try and act normal, which proved very difficult.Ā
The ordeal of the flight and public transport back to North London meant that when I returned to work I looked sufficiently haggard and unwell, no one suspected a thing. Happy Days.