Places I have found queer community
It's Pride, so I know many people are hoping to connect with queer community this month. However, a reminder that queer community can be found all year round. This probably isn't universal, but here's some ways I have found and connected with local queer people.
Meetup: This was the first place I found local queer folx! A queer-centric bookclub, a monthly lesbian cafe day, a queer run club, an absolutely astounding amount in my area. It's great for finding stuff around you. The caveat is that it costs money to host an event, which can gatekeep smaller, poor organizations.
Facebook: This one surprised me, given that FB updated their TOS to be more hostile to the queer community in the recent past. However, the people organizing community in my area are often in the 40-50 age range, and FB is a platform they know how to use. It's creating a generational disconnect- they are having a hard time reaching younger people even though they want to provide them with spaces. So it might be worth checking out for you. Try looking for local events, or searching [your city name]+[LGBT]
Event flyers: a lot of people rely on the old school method of hanging up physical flyers. Is there a spot in your town where people advertise community events? Try the library, especially around pride month, and see if there are any displays advertising local events. Another good option is places that do "artsy" events- the queer community is deeply intertwined with counterculture and the arts. If there is a local theater, a place that hosts poetry readings, bookstores, etc, try checking to see if they have flyers for Pride events, or if they are hosting any.
Instagram: This is another one that surprised me, because I despise instagram and didn't want to use it. However, a lot of local queer artists use it because, if done with intention, it is a great way to keep connected with locals. You have to teach the algorithm that you are interested in stuff around you, and the best way to do that is to follow local queer artists and performers. If you already use instagram for other things, consider making an account JUST for local stuff, so that you can keep that algorithm tightly heeled. Yeah, it's dystopian that you have to game an algorithm like that, but that's life.
Kink munches: Listen I said this list wasn't universal. But when I was getting into the local BDSM scene, they do this thing called munches, which are SFW casual meet ups in a public space to talk and get to know potential play partners. Kink and the queer community are also deeply intertwined. However, that doesn't mean kink spaces are going to be queer-accepting by default, nor should they be considered 'safe.' Always vet people, and just assume that any place that takes money and is registered as a business is not your friend, it's an industry. That being said, gay people get horny too, and I was pleased by the amount of gender freaks in the local scene. My local dungeon also does the occasional LGBT-centric event.
What to do when you find an event:
Community is not made in a night. It is built by many hands. Do not expect to show up to one drag show and walk away with a new bestie that will bail you out when shit gets rough. You have to show up consistently and make an effort. This is why it is best to find something re-occurring rather than a one-off event.
However, even a one-off event gives you an opportunity to find out who is organizing the event and asking how you can find out about future events. Seriously, ask around about if the event organizer is there (they will be) and just briefly thank them so much for hosting, ask if they are planning future similar events and how you can stay in the loop. This is often where that instagram will come in handy. And boom, you now are in the know.
The other, even scarier step, is getting to know people. Don't expect friendship right away- aim for acquaintances. Just be there, ask people's names, do the classic fruit loop so you have a chance to become familiar with faces. Once you start to learn names, use them. Greet them as they come in. This is so so scary, but you can do it. Ease into longer and longer conversations. Once you can easily keep a conversation going with someone, you can attempt to invite them to do something together before the next event ("Hey do you want to grab coffee together before the next book club?" "We should grab a bite to eat before the next show.") If that goes well, you're ready to hang out one on one. And boom, you've made a friend. Do that 2-3 more times and you have yourself a community.
