Not Abigail. @hawt-nd-dangerous - Tumblr Blog

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“I know that someday you’ll be sleeping, darling. Likely dreaming off the pain.”

— La Dispute, Such Small Hands

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Neck Deep - Gold Steps // My photos and edit // Instagram: lovely.veins

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Sometimes it’s you and your iced coffee against the world

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Seriously though.

Stalker:

(1) a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention

(2) a person who hunts game stealthily

To my stalker,

No this is not a funny, “Oh, he ‘stalks’ my page” post. This is not an, “OMG my boyfriend isn’t answering my text, time to ‘stalk’ him” post. This is the sad truth behind the word stalk. My sad truth.

I have held this in for over a year now. There are a few things I would like you to know. First off, I hope jail is an awful, terrible place for people like you. I hope people ask what you did to be locked away, and that you suffer for those decisions - YOUR decisions - just as I have. Secondly, I want you to know that you have broke me beyond what words can begin to explain. You fit both definitions of a stalker in a way. I was your person to harass, but also your little game to hunt, and because of you, I live in fear every single day. I am not locked in a room fearing for my life, but it comes in the little things that people who are unaffected by you and your hunt would never understand. The loud noise in the room across my apartment. The text from a random number. A car following too closely behind me. The person parked beside me at the grocery store. You are all of these things to me. The mention of your name gives me chills and instant tears. Hearing people talk about stalking in joking terms fills me with rage. I will never be the same and it isn’t a decision that was made on my terms. That is the most unfair thing you could do to someone.

I did everything in my power to get away from you. I blocked you. My family blocked you. My friends blocked you. I moved three hours away. I got a new car. I made new friends. Started a new school. A new job. You still found me.

The hardest thing to understand is why you chose me. Why ME? Why MY friends and MY family? I am thankful that someone else doesn’t have to live with this, but why should I have to? Why should I fear for the day I look up your inmate number and see “released”? Why should I have to fear for my family? Because of YOU. Because of a selfish monster who was willing to do anything to intimidate and humiliate me. Because of a sick minded individual who thought threats and break-ins and sexual content was more important than a girl and her safety.

Today is the end. Today is the last day I am letting you rule my life from inside of your jail cell. Today I choose to be happy. Today is the last day I think of those messages, those threats, those texts the cops read in front of a court room full of people as I tried to look forward at the wall through tears. Today is a new beginning. I will always live in fear. I will always stop dead in my tracks when I hear your name. But I refuse to let you have power over me anymore. I refuse to think about you daily. Today I am choosing to remove you from my life. I will always have to suffer from what you have done to me, but I refuse to let you stay a primary part of my life. I refuse to let you be the factor that defines me, my decisions, and ultimately my life.

I have learned so much about myself because of you. I am strong. I am confident. I am unbreakable. Today I choose to be happy.