Hayden's World

he/they | 17 soft academia | East Asian | trans in STEM | ethical science | anti-cap |

[hayden-in-the-library]

✨Welcome to Hayden's World✨

Hi!! Here are some things about me :) Feel free to comment or message me if you wanna be friends!

Name: Hayden (he/they, 17)

transmasc, bi

Korean American!! My Asian identity is really important to me (you don't have to be Asian to be my friend, tho)

I live in America :) (PST time zone)

I am really into soft, cozy, and kinda dark aesthetic. I consider myself "soft academia." I am a STEM student and like talking about ethical science practice, decolonizing academia, and LGBTQ+ people in STEM!!

Professional Yearner

Things/People I Like:

Sweet desserts

Science and Math (I am a chemistry and calculus fan :D)

Recently into neuroscience/psychology

People who are passionate about something (even something I am not familiar with!)

Cats

Talking about ethics and activism in academia

Music: Mitski, Wasia Project, Conan Gray... Ugh emotionally rich Asian artists save me

Things/People I Don't Like:

Any kind of bigotry (misogyny, homophobe, transphobe, misgendering, racism, etc.)

Eurocentric academia people (I don't hate literature/research/etc that originated from Europe. But I hate when people dismiss Asian, African, Indigenous people/perspective/culture in academic community.)

Toxic study motivation/toxic study habits

Being unnecessarily rude

People who believe a particular academic subject is superior and it can exist without other disciplinary (because that's not true!)

I guess that is it! I can't wait to make more friends here :))))

[bearwithh]

[andremichaux]

THE GOOD PLACE | 1.04

[hayden-in-the-library]

Promising Horse: New Year's Sestina - Hayden Y.

i know im kind of late for either New Year's day or Lunar New Year but i really really liked this one and had fun writing this one so i just wanted to share. i hope you enjoy it too :) happy year of the horse, everyone!

[hayden-in-the-library]

Winter Affair - Hayden Y.

i've been stacking up my original poems for last few months... and i wanted to share my favorite so far before winter is fully over :)

[hayden-in-the-library]

Wow... hello everyone! im not even sure if anyone remembers me but im back!!

i've been doing well. after college apps are done, im really just out here recharging and reconnecting with my old passions that i had ditched. i started jogging after school everyday. and my school theatre program is preparing for our spring musical that opens soon. this will be my last show before graduation, so im very emotional about that.

i came back to reading and writing, too. i finished writing a play i've been writing for about a year and a half at this point. im also reviving my novel that i threw away a year ago. im so happy that i can just read and write whatever i want, not a college essay. applying to college was an exciting step, but honestly im soooo happy that im done.

speaking of college, i've been hearing back from a lot of schools. so far, i've been accepted to a lot of "ok-schools," so that's good. im praying for my second top choice (after my ED school rejected me) to let me in. plz plz plz. but wherever i end up with, i know i'll do alright. i always do.

oh and i've been OBSESSED with that Garden Veggie Straws snacks for months. this is my comfort snack now. that shit is addictive.

that's it :)) i'll try to be more frequent about my posting from now on. i really missed tumblr.

[hayden-in-the-library]

last night i came up with this really delicious queer POC gothic romance scenario and now im writing it down. it's been a while since i've written a novel (i usually write poetry and play for fun).

it's about afterlife and it got some retrofuturistic theme and will have some absurdist humor. and it will be so fucking queer.

[hayden-in-the-library]

Guys i did it i survived first half of my senior year

Last couple weeks have been a fever dream... so i finished my research and our presentation was successful!! im pretty satisfied with our outcome. i can't wait to do actual research in college and beyond. it was such a fascinating experience.

i was balancing between my school theatre work and academics and college apps. i was so so sleep deprived (i still kinda am) but they were all worth it and i think i might actually end this semester with satisfactory grades. im kinda scared of my lit grade though because my teacher hasn't graded my recent big assignments yet... oh well we'll see.

i was pretty moody because i got rejected by my dream school where I ED'd... :(( i kinda saw that coming but still reading that rejection letter was more damaging than i thought. but im recovering and im moving on. show must go on, right? i hope to hear from other good colleges that i will like.

im so scared and excited about the fact that im graduating upcoming semester. but im also really hyped because i will have less things to worry about. for now, i will recharge myself during two weeks of winter break, wrapping up my college applications.

[hayden-in-the-library]

when Phoebe Bridgers sang "sadness comes crashin' like a brick through the window/and it's Christmas, so no one can fix it"

also hi everyone it's been a while yes im alive

[hayden-in-the-library]

hi i know i've not been very active but im going through it :(( im really really busy rn and i couldn't really take my usual aesthetic study pics...

anyways... my Thanksgiving break was for finishing up my college app and make my contribution to the research project im doing rn. im glad bc the team is finally seeing some conclusion we can draw from our research so far.

i really have to lock in for final... and it's the performance season for my high school theatre so im busy for that as well. there will be academic hurricane for next like two and a half weeks before final and then i will have winter break. i can't wait!

[cranberry-branflakes]

okay yknow what if this post gets to 10k before december 1st I'll dye my hair

ideas under the cut

my hair style is more like the first and fourth but I like the colours of them all. idk which to do

the fourth one might be a good start with the amount of colour but at the same time I wanna go all out

[thevalkyrieflies]

oh i have an idea i'm turning ts into a tag game or two

what's your favorite holiday/winter/christmas song?

mine is holidays by conan gray or snowman by sia :D

TAGS (bran you've made such a big mistake)

@linnielemon @gaily-dose-of-chaos @simonsays-begaydocrime @lacysdisaster @thesilly-goose @rainbowkessem @kugisakinobaradesu @autistic-gremlinn @sunmoonyandstars @myfriendmademejoin @no-one-offical @princessnymphae @chilibeanir @beth-unico-offical @aceofblades222 @finnthephrog @jannahamma @sunxkissed-sophie @holyshit-am-i-okay @blaze-is-silly @rainystarssx @fizzuh-strawberr @purple-dinosaur27 @imnotafraidtodisappear @coquette-corpsie @you-cant-catch-me-now @bluejaysnests @marsthedumbass @lightsabersandbluecookies @elevensghostcostume @sunnyponies @fandom-gremlin @existential-grackle @garden-of-runar @nerdinabook @thatonequeerk1d @raynilikescats @ilan-is-anxious @evyyy77 @themaniacalgigglerhyde @cheesexplosion @siriusly-insane @some-apples @futurecatladypt2 @morallyambiguousfrog @grapeflavoredraisins @ineffablenoblerose @weevilxp @liyen1248-blog @mugknife

[finnthephrog]

look at this from nightmare before Christmas

NO PRESSURE TO REBLOG I JS TAGGED MOST MOOTS HAVE FUN WITH THIS LOVELYS

IF YOU DONT LIKE TAG GAMES LMK IM SORRY

@jel-e-ton @autistic-gremlinn @dog-bug @vixen-vibe @ambzloverboyz @achillean-arachne @ath0s-biucks @krow-offical @kingofkaumidy2 @stoned-sharkboy @honeyfable @you-cant-catch-me-now @ishalleatstapler @arabdomgeneratedplayer1 @annoyedbreadstick @jaceblack31 @jannahamma @cursed-empanada @caprisunisgud @rainbowkessem @doppo-poet @idiotysseus @journal-of-janus @starclusters-and-supernovas @roselandsrl @that-autistic-person @not-really-a-conjunction @thatonequeerk1d @s1lly-sh4rk-b0y @hayden-in-the-library @a-rather-large-group-of-fags

[hayden-in-the-library]

thank you for tag :P

mine are So Much Wine by Phoebe Bridgers and Happy New Year from the musical Rent.

Ummm i don't know who to tag anyone who wants can continue

[hayden-in-the-library]

one thing i really love about the lyricism of artists like Conan Gray, Chappell Roan, Phoebe Bridgers, etc is their way of showing rage, resentment, and grudge toward someone while going along with their somber tone. like... look at these:

"You don't really wanna hear the truth, do you?" (Winner, Conan Gray)

"You'll say that you're sorry, I know that's a lie." (Coffee, Chappell Roan)

"But I'm too tired to have a pissing contest." (Savior Complex, Phoebe Bridgers)

these lyrics are all resentful about this person they are calling, but there is immense sadness with this resentment because even when they are delivering this line, they know they won't reach somehow. because "you" don't wanna hear the truth and "you" will make an apology that doesn't mean anything and fighting "you" will be meaningleass and tiring. this is peak literature im actually tearing up.

im not a psychologist nor a literature professional but... i'll say this is some form of passive aggression that comes from holding grudge toward a person while being actively aware that you can't fix this relationship further.

and even when they become a little bit more confrontational, there are still some kind of sadness behind it.

"You're saving your face, but you take it out on your nose" (Actor, Conan Gray)

"I know what you tell your friends. It's casual, if it's casual now" (Casual, Chappell Roan)

"I hate you for what you did, and I miss you like a little kid" (Motion Sickness, Phoebe Bridgers)

these lines are more actively pointing out that "you" hurt them or at least expressing their grudge more directly. still, they are less of a blaming/accusatory tone and more of a bitter tone. and when they play along their trademark somber, down tune, they become musically complex and beautiful.

and i think their queer context plays another huge role in such emotional complexity, but that will require another full essay about this. my point is that i love when artists use sadness and tiredness as a medium of rage and resentment, and i hope to see more of them.

[hayden-in-the-library]

does anyone else experience really bad chest pain and extremely fast heartbeat when they are angry or should i seek medical help

[hayden-in-the-library]

i love when american artists have beef with the notion of american dream and american ideals based on consumerism and white supremacy and patriarchy in general but they are also history nerds and know how to form beautiful metaphor so their work just beautifully articulate out their sadness and resentment on this country.

(this person is listening to Sufjan Stevens rn)

[hayden-in-the-library]

I FUCKING LOVE DRAMATIC IRONY AAAAAA

i love conflicts and misunderstandings between characters that amplify the dramatic irony and i LOVE when audience knows what some characters don't and i LOVE that audience can do nothing but sitting there observing the misunderstanding rising and leads to another conflict

[hayden-in-the-library]

whenever there is a big group project and members of that project do not read the group chat or respond to emails angels lose their wings

or worse, reading the group chat and NOT DOING WHAT I ASKED THEM TO DO IN THAT GROUP CHAT

[hayden-in-the-library]

#cozychallenge

It's been a while... I have been really busy and I am so so sleep deprived. But I am romanticizing autumn like it's full time job. It really is beautiful here. I wish I can show you more pictures of my school and streets painted red and yellow and brown... but I always forget to take photos and I honestly don't know how to take good photos.

Anyways... my school grades are looking pretty okay. The only concering thing is my lit and bio grades, but if I lock in for final bio should be fine. I have love-hate relationship with lit... I really like reading and writing and discussing nuanced meaning in literature, and I love my teacher. But it doesn't always go well like I hope and yeah... But I do enjoy being in that class. That makes it a bit easier.

I have been thinking about my future really often, recently. Like I have so many things I want to do but I don't know how to do all that, if that makes sense.

I can't believe almost half of November is over. I can't believe it's thanksgiving break in two weeks. It feels like it hasn't been that much since the summer.