I live in an army town that has a lot of military intelligence and electronic warfare development stuff going on. The end result of this is that Iâve known a lot of people who deal with classified stuff in some nature. This means that Iâve had a lot of experiences of watching TV with someone, only for them to pause and start ranting about this kind of thing, as well as just kind of living in this environment with these people.
So, I have some further things to mention (keeping in mind that this is coming from someone on the outside)!
I have occasionally asked someone a question (about current events, technology, or something along those lines) and been told, âI canât talk about that. I donât think itâs classified, but itâs something I heard in a room with classified information.â
If someone works in one of these jobs, they will occasionally lie to every single one of their friends and family members. This doesnât generally bother those friends and family members. Assuming that the nature of their job isnât classified in and of itself (like claiming to work at a department store when you actually work for the CIA), you just kind of accept it. Sometimes you realize that youâre being lied to, but I suspect most of the time you donât. But if someone goes on a work trip to a place thatâs allegedly a three-hour plane ride away and doesnât call to tell you theyâve arrived until ten hours later, and then only calls you at 10pm in the time zone theyâre allegedly in... maybe thereâs something going on that youâre not aware of, and maybe you keep your mouth shut about it.
On a practical note (and due to many rants from someone I know), no one is going to drop a classified file and have stuff come spilling out. When they are transported, they are kept wrapped up in multiple layers. This not only keeps someone from dropping it and allowing any passersby to read whatâs on those papers, but it also acts as a tamper-proof seal. If someone receives a file with torn packaging, you know somethingâs up.
Another thing I know, courtesy of a rant from someone who accidentally did this: duress codes and keypads! If you have a location that requires a coded entry, first of all you cannot do a cool trick with a mirror to see what the code is while someone else puts it in. You cannot see it on the camera. IIRC, you will likely stick your hand in a little opaque box to put in the code because the people who design these things are not idiots. Secondly, you will have a duress code. This code will likely still give you access to the room/building/whatever, but it will alert security that you are doing so under duress. This may be by putting in the actual code backwards, or by using a previous code, or something else entirely. In this case, be sure to keep track of which codes are which, so that you donât leave the lab on a regular day of work to find the hall lined with very concerned (and very armed) security personnel prepared to shoot whoever âforced you to let them in the roomâ (this story is definitely based on a true story, and we still mock him for it).
Secure locations are more secure than you think. The previous post mentions things like cell phones and furbies (and yes, everyone in town laughs about the furby thing), but this extends to a lot of other security measures. For example, cable management. In secure computer labs, there are likely to be extensive rules about how close cables can run to each other. You need to know exactly what is doing what, and it needs to be clear that nothing else is there. A mess of cables could easily hide something thatâs not supposed to be there.
For the love of God, learn what a closed network is. If you have a bunch of classified materials that do not actively need to be shared, you cannot hack in from the outside to get access to them. Those computers are not connected to anything outside of that room or facility. Also, if you have a mystery thumbdrive you do not plug it into your network, holy shit what is wrong with you, this is what non-networked devices are for you idiot. There are plenty of computers on hand that completely lack the hardware necessary to connect to another in any way, shape, or form. Your virus canât turn on the computerâs wi-fi to send information to you because there is nothing to turn on.
There are a lot of security measures. A lab may have things like thermite grenades on hand. In the event that you need to destroy everything inside, you put the grenade on top of a file cabinet and set it off. It wonât explode, itâll just melt through the file cabinet, setting everything inside on fire. And yes, that sounds super badass and I kind of want to see this happen.
Sometimes a person with this kind of clearance is just going to go silent. It may be when youâre watching the news, discussing current events, or when youâre talking about a cool article you just read about some new developments in technology, but itâll happen. If theyâre good at it, you wonât notice. If theyâre not, youâll smile to yourself and keep your mouth shut.
Also Iâve kind of touched on this, but this is not going to be strange to the people around the person with clearance. The things that Iâve described here are pretty mundane when this is a part of your life. You may joke about it with other people (a friend and I will laugh about her dadâs late night calls that are followed by âIâm leaving town. Iâll be back eventually.â), but this isnât odd to you. Itâs like joking about any other aspect of someoneâs job, like a weird fast food uniform or an eccentric boss.
Kind of connected, but no one whoâs been married to someone in one of these jobs for any decent amount of time is going to be mad that their spouse is âkeeping secretsâ and the next time I see this trope in media Iâm going to punch someone. Keeping secrets is literally part of their job and you know that. They will keep those secrets or they will go to jail, and you do not want your loved ones in jail. Depending on the nature of their job, you may worry about them, but you will not be mad at them for not telling you every detail of their day at work. If this kind of thing is a problem, it will be a problem from the start and is just generally a sign of incompatibility.
And finally, and most importantly:
When doing chair races in the halls, you need a spotter at the end of the hall to alert you when a colonel is approaching so that you can look like serious people who can definitely be trusted with classified information
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