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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Stranger Things
trying on a metaphor
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Xuebing Du

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taylor price
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will byers stan first human second

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Cosmic Funnies

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AnasAbdin
we're not kids anymore.

titsay
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@hazythreshecutioner
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It’s more than just video chat. Watch movies, collaborate and more with up to 25 of your friends. Try it now at www.rabb.it.
hey guys! i’m just getting on my tumblr to say i’m streaming a j-horror movie. it’s called noroi and you should totally come watch with me!
AND NOW WE’RE GOING TO WATCH SOMETHING CALLED ‘THE WINDMILL’ FROM NETFLIX, SO YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING QUALITY RIGHT THERE.
It’s more than just video chat. Watch movies, collaborate and more with up to 25 of your friends. Try it now at www.rabb.it.
hey guys! i’m just getting on my tumblr to say i’m streaming a j-horror movie. it’s called noroi and you should totally come watch with me!
esurientphantasm
“Don’t tell me what I want.” You say petulantly. “How much chaos are we actually talking about here, anyway?” You roll your eyes. “I read them. But fine, have it your way. Go for your extra long title that will wrap the bottle from top to base. See if I care.”
Once his hands are dry, you hand him the Hot Gravel nail polish and you hold out one of your hands for him to start with.
“I will tell you what you want, and you will like it,” you declare, seemingly unphased by his petulance. “You’re the weird one then. But now I will, and we will see who has the last laugh.”
You take the polish, nose wrinkling again when you open it. You take the lid very carefully between your fingers, trying to mimic what you’d seen John do. You’re more of a mass destruction kind of guy, so the whole super fine don’t gloop and don’t get it everywhere thing is a bit less than a piece of cake for you, but you would like to think that you are doing okay. Not great, but not quite so bad as colorful fingers.
esurientphantasm
“Maybe I want chaos!” You are a demon, after all. “They’re kinda shit. But it’s not just them. People are lazy and if there’s not a snappy title, they might just give up on the color before even trying it.”
You smile warmly. “Okay, I can agree to that.”
“I don’t think you want THIS much chaos.” And you’re an alien vampire with a penchant for causing trouble. Chaos is sort of expected out of both of you at this point, probably. “But you can see the color. Who even really reads them anyway. They’ll just grab the blue that it looks like someone threw just a tiny bit of puke green in and be done with it.”
You grin back smugly, “Good.”
esurientphantasm
You snicker in answer. “I’d have to pull your other one if you ruin my work” Not that it matters, but it’s the thought that counts. “It tally wouldn’t have fit. Not if you want to put the brand name on the bottle, too. And enough space so people know what color they’re actually getting.”
You bite your lip as you watch him trying not to laugh. He trusts you enough to look silly, so sometimes you have to show that you won’t laugh at him for looking silly. Sometimes. “You don’t have to get glitter, Karkat. Gosh. I’m just more fabulous than you, that’s all.”
“Wouldn’t you have to pull my one first before you can pull my other one? There must be an order to these things or there will be chaos.” It really doesn’t matter. “I bet it would have. Your lack of faith in the printing industry is so disappointing.”
You open your mouth to protest, but it ends up going a slightly different route than you had originally intended. “You are. But I’m the fierce one, and don’t you forget it.”
esurientphantasm
You give him a look. “Yeah, okay. Pull the other one.” Karkat and polite just don’t mix. You don’t it’d even be the size of a housefly. You snicker softly. “The name has to be able to fit on the bottle, though.” You motion to the small little bottle of nail polish. There is no way his name would have fit. You make quick work of his other hand, and then sigh in satisfaction when you’re done. “Beautiful!” You cap the bottle, so at least the smell will have time to dissipate some before his claws dry and he gets started on you. “I think I’ll go with hot gravel.” You smile impishly. You really did get it on purpose.
You blink at him, momentarily baffled by the incomplete idiom before it dawns on you what he meant. “Maybe later, when they’re dry. I wouldn’t want to ruin all your hard work after all. And that name would have fit on the bottle just fine.” You pick both hands up and wave them around as if that will help them dry faster. This is a testament to how comfortable you are with John, because you don’t know if they will, but you do know it looks completely silly.
“You know you’re making me think I should get something glitter,” you comment in response to his choice. “I hate glitter.”
fun gender neutral things to call your partner:
OPPONENT
esurientphantasm
“You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first. I am shameless.” You aren’t, but in this case, you might as well be. You snort softly. “That’s a mouthful. We can just call it stubborn troll blue.” You lean down to kiss the back of his hand to show your appreciation. Once you’re done with the first hand, you set it primly back down on his lap and start on the second hand.
“What makes you think I haven’t thought of it plenty, but am just too polite to use it?” Because the care you have for manners is about the same size as a housefly. “Are you kidding? That’s not even as long as it could have been. I pared it down for your benefit.” Humans and their terribly tiny titles. You move the hand to your knee where you leave it draped in the natural half curl of that body part. It’ll keep you from picking or smudging the polish until it’s dry. You have to at least successfully have it on that long.
esurientphantasm
You very delicately lift up his third finger, his middle finger to flip him off with his own finger. But you’re smiling, shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. “I can live with colorful fingers.” You keep going, and the thin layer of blue over the natural color of his claws does actually look pretty interesting. “They should make this it’s own color.”
“Using my own hand against me like that. You should be ashamed. A-SHAMED.” How completely and utterly terrible. And also pretty funny, you must admit. You snort. “Sure. They can call it stubborn troll hates his nose but loves his moirail too much to tell him no.”
esurientphantasm
“But maybe I do, bulge for brains.” Is that a troll insult? Whatever, you’re making it a troll insult. While simultaneously making sure that the insult is full of affection. You hum thoughtfully as you move on to his third finger. “You can do mine if you want. But if you don’t want, I’m fine doing my own nails.”
It can definitely be a troll insult. You know he doesn’t mean it, just like you didn’t mean to imply there was anything wrong with John needing it, despite how your last statement sounded. You consider the options briefly. “I’ll try doing yours. If I fuck that up, then you’ll just have very colorful fingers too.”
esurientphantasm
You sigh, and it’s very put upon and overly dramatic. “I mean, I guess… it’s just for the self therapy and not to look on point. One coat is fine!” But you’re very meticulous to make sure you get each claw perfectly, so this will take a bit, anyway.
“I don’t need self or therapy, so one coat is more than fine.” You pause after saying that, face expressing how that didn’t really sound right to you, but you just go with it.It’s not like you’re going to stop John from doing what you want. It’s just going to smell awful until he’s done. “Are you going to do yours when you’re done? Or am I supposed to?”
esurientphantasm
You got it because you like it. But it does remind you a bit of your moirail. The shimmer is because there is no glowing nail polish. Sad, but true.
You fold your own legs up and wedge the little bottle between your legs to hold it in place. You uncap it, crinkling your nose against the smell, and then you pick up one of Karkat’s hands and start on his pinky. “Hmm… This is definitely going to need more than one coat….” Meaning, this was going to take a while.
There is glow in the dark nail polish, but shimmer will do for all the time shine. So terrible.
You almost mimic the nose wrinkle, because this stuff smells vile. How do people put up with this regularly, you wonder. “So we can’t just get out of it without it looking good, can we?” As in, you didn’t really want to have to put up with the smell for longer than you had to.
send me “have you evers” and I can only reply with “yes” or “no”
xinzei
Huh.
I think I’ve seen some around then.
Also. Blood color?
PROBABLY. WE’RE LIKE A PLAGUE. I MEAN, SO ARE HUMANS, SO I THINK THAT EVENS EVERYTHING OUT.
HUMANS ONLY HAVE THE ONE BLOOD COLOR. WE DON’T. WE HAVE A SPECTRUM. THAT’S WHERE THE TERM RAINBOW DRINKER DERIVES FROM.
xinzei
What do you look like?
NOT COMPLETELY DISSIMILAR FROM HUMANS. ALTHOUGH I HAVE NOTICED THAT SIZE CAN VARY WIDELY BETWEEN UNIVERSES. NEARLY ALL TROLLS HAVE GREY SKIN, SOMEONE LIKE ME BEING THE EXCEPTION. OUR IRISES ARE GREY UNTIL WE COME OF AGE AND THEN THEY FILL IN WITH OUR BLOOD COLOR. OUR SCLERA, HORNS AND CLAWS ARE IN THE ORANGE YELLOW RANGE. EVERYONE HAS BLACK HAIR WITH THE RARE EXCEPTION OF PEOPLE WHO NATURALLY HAVE STREAKS OF THEIR BLOOD COLOR FOR PARTS OF IT. THE HORNS HAVE A HUGE ARRAY OF SHAPES THAT OCCUR. MOST ARE WAY BETTER THAN MINE. I HAVE LAME ASS NUB HORNS.
esurientphantasm
“There are no parks out in space. Probably. I’ve never been.” Not really, anyway.
You watch him, thinking for sure he was going to pick hot gravel. But then he surprises you. But not by much. You take the blue nail polish and lean in to peck him on the lips. “Good choice.” The color is pretty close to your eye color. A shade lighter, maybe. “Now shift your body so you’re facing me.” You sit on the couch again, your body angled to face him.
You were more curious as to whether he just had it because he likes it, or if it means anything else. You’re not going to bother asking, because you’re probably reading too much into it. You return the kiss. “I know.” Close enough. You do as instructed, pulling your feet up onto the cushions so you’re cross legged and rest your hands on your legs.