`` a spoonful of sugar

[hcstia-joncs]

The old adage might’ve been tired and overused, but there was some truth to it. People said a lot of things. In fact, people never seemed to stop speaking, even if it meant that they spoke before they fully thought through what they were going to say. It bothered Hestia, at times, even though she was just as guilty of it as the next person. Putting those words into actions, however… that was something that rarely happened. It seemed that fewer and fewer people put their thoughts and concerns into tangible action steps. They made plans, but never followed through. Hestia felt like a hypocrite, hating people for doing the very thing she did herself. She shrugged the thought off, knowing that the frustration was valid either way. “If only everyone could take that phrase and give it actual meaning. I feel like people hear it and say it, but we don’t really follow up by doing anything. I guess that’s sort of the point, though.” She smiled, returning the warm expression to her friend. “I’ll try that. Thank you.” “Isn’t that the most amazing feeling? Just knowing that there’s somewhere out there in the world who is everything that I want to be and more is good enough. But then to realize that she’s my own mother? I can’t explain it. It’s just… reassuring? But more than that, too.” Hestia beamed at Lily, happy to speak so highly of the woman she cared so much about. “It is exciting. I wouldn’t lie to you. It takes enough energy to lie to people who deserve to be lied to. Imagine how much it would take to lie to someone that you genuinely care about and are friends with.” Lily wasn’t a liar, and Hestia tried her best to only be one when it was absolutely necessary. She’d become a better liar over the past two years or so, especially when she was working at the Daily Prophet, though it wasn’t a skill that she enjoyed employing. “I have to get better at accepting compliments. Someone once told me we should talk about ourselves in the same way we talk about our friends, but it’s something I’m still getting used to, you know?” She paused, taking in her friend’s words. Grateful that the question hadn’t offended Lily, Hestia tried her best to think about Petunia and Vernon with an open mind. They were people with horrible thoughts and opinions of magic, but they were people that Lily cared deeply for. They were people. “Careful, Lily. I haven’t been called mature for a long time. You might be inflating my ego more than it can take.” She chuckled briefly, trying to still maintain a sense of seriousness for her friend’s sake. “It’s a shame he won’t get to know you. That they both won’t. Magic’s something neither of them understand, and it’s foreign and strange and unknown… so it makes sense that they’re scared of it. And sure, Petunia might be happy now, but is Vernon really what she wants? In the long term, I mean. Does she want a life with him?”

[marliism]

late nights | marlene and hestia

[hcstia-joncs]

In the months where Hestia hadn’t known about her friends’ allegiances, the world had, indeed, been a dark place. Dirk and Marlene and so many others seemed to be mysteriously busy. Hestia could never keep track of where they supposedly were, or what they were supposedly doing. Truthfully, they rarely offered up explanations. One day they would be in town, and the next… they simply weren’t. It was odd. Strange. It made her question whether or not they truly were her friends, or if she had lost them along the way do to some action of her own. Even if hearing about her dear friends’ involvement in Aversio upset her, it was better to know something about what they were up to than to be completely left to her own thoughts, wondering how she messed up and lost people along the way. Marlene gave a small smile. At least something brought a smile to the girl’s face once more. “Any time you need a reminder, you know where to find me. I mean it.” “Is it? Well, I stand by my word. Name by name until I reach the end.” Hestia laughed along with her friend. “I really try. So, uh, thanks.” It felt strange, being complimented for something that seemed so natural to her. Being a good friend really just meant paying attention to how people felt. Noticing the small things. She didn’t think she was much better of a friend than most people… but maybe in this moment, Marlene didn’t have the same group of people around her as she once did. “Right? I think Gwenog’s spoiled me in terms of my thinking. She always dreamed of playing for a professional Quidditch team, and now she is… she’s literally living every dream she ever had. Meanwhile… I’m practically unemployed, and worst of all, it’s pretty much my fault.” Hestia shrugged. “Is this what being an adult feels like? Realizing that most of us won’t get where we want to be? Or… not by the time we thought we’d get there? Because if that’s the case, nobody told me that adulthood would be so damn depressing.” She sighed. “I hope you know that I didn’t want to compare what we’re going through. I know you’re going through so much, and… in comparison, I’ve been so lucky. I just feel like I’m in an inescapable slump, and there’s no way out.”

[hcstia-joncs]

Sometimes it felt like people who offered their compassion and sympathy were doing so for their own personal gain – to learn information about Hestia’s personal life in order to feel better about their own. But Hestia knew better than to think of Lily that way. Lily didn’t seem to have a selfish bone in her body. It was almost unbelievable how easily she was able to put others before herself. She couldn’t help but wonder how the woman made sure that her own needs were met, too. Lily was so busy looking after everyone else in the world – who was taking care of her? “It better be. The last thing I need is for my mum to come around bragging about how I finally admitted that she’s my number one inspiration in life. – though I should remind her that I appreciate her more often. It’s a careful balance,” Hestia joked. She wasn’t sure of Lily’s relationship with her mother; she knew that her sister was a sore subject, though, so she didn’t want to turn the conversation onto Lily’s family if it didn’t need to be. “She really is. I can’t even argue with you about it. I mean, she has her moments, just like anyone, but… if I end up like her, I’ll be lucky. If she expected to have two children that listen, she’d be disappointed for a long time now. You’re probably right.” Hestia chuckled. “Are you trying to flatter me, Lily Evans? I didn’t know I made the list at all, much less that I’m high up on it. It’s an honor. Truly.” Something felt off about Lily’s smile. It wasn’t as bright, as energetic as it typically was. The war definitely had taken a toll on everyone; Hestia wondered how much of that burden Lily had kept in and how much she allowed herself to share with the people around her. “I don’t mean this in any sort of offensive way,” she began. “But who said being a freak was a bad thing? I mean, she’ll never quite understand what being you is like, and it isn’t a nice way to say that you’re different, but… it’s her right to have the perspective, I suppose. And there are worse things to be in this world than freakish.” It definitely wasn’t the best advice, but Hestia wanted to provide as much humor in her insight as possible. “People hate people for outrageous things. Big things, small things, everything in between. She might not even know why she feels the way she does, honestly. Maybe she’s working through it herself, and Venon gives her a justification that helps her not need one for herself.”

[marliism]

late nights | marlene and hestia

[hcstia-joncs]

“I really hope you are. The world’s a dark and quiet place without Marlene McKinnon. And even if you don’t feel like yourself, I know you’re still in there. Even if that version of yourself is different, you’re still you, and that’s really all that we all can hope for.” She meant it in as positive a way that she possibly could, but Hestia knew that her words might not come across that way. Marlene was always vibrant, no matter how she was feeling. She just didn’t want to watch Marlene use that energy for self-destruction instead of committing to rebuilding herself and staying strong. Then again, staying strong looked different for different people. Not everyone saw strength as returning to the person they once were. Perhaps this was the kind of strength that Marlene could muster – at least for now. And if that was the case, it would have to be enough. “Fine. I will. Give me a list, and I’ll go person to person, name by name. I’m a firm believer that if you were brutal to them, they probably kept bothering you until you felt they deserved it.” Marlene was vibrant, yes, but she was also dynamic. Anything she did, she seemed to do at one thousand percent. That was yet another thing that Hestia appreciated about her friend. “It’s not embarrassing. It’s the truth, isn’t it? But I’m sorry you feel that way. If it makes you feel any better, you’ll have to do a whole lot more for me to not like you anymore.” Hestia gave her friend her biggest, most friendly grin to prove it. “I’ll try my best. Even if I don’t always want to. I just never thought I’d be in the position where I’d have to ask my friends for a lead on a job. I always thought I’d be able to make my own way, to create a position for myself if one wasn’t there already. I kind of feel like I’m relying on everyone else to keep myself afloat… and… it’s not a great feeling, y’know?”

[hcstia-joncs]

Sympathy. She’d received a decent amount of it in the past few days, though she wasn’t quite sure that she deserved it. She knew that she was risking her job by writing an article like the one she wrote. She knew that not everyone was going to be happy with what she had to say. And even though she certainly didn’t deserve to be fired for writing what she saw as the truth, she understood that the Daily Prophet had every right to let her go if she were costing them valuable readership that would be difficult to get back. But Lily’s sympathy was still welcomed. Hestia felt alone without it, and it was important to know that she still had a friend in the world – someone who had her back. “I appreciate it, Lily. Truly.” She gave her friend a small smile, as if to say ‘thank you for caring.’ “She may have been. Don’t tell her that I said this, but sometimes I think she might be the smartest woman that I’ve ever known.” Mrs. Jones had so much wisdom tucked away in her beautiful mind. Hestia felt lucky that she’d heard even some of the woman’s wise musings. “I really should listen to her more often. But, then again, where’s the fun in that?” Even though she was still quite young – she’d only graduated from Hogwarts a short time ago – Hestia felt that she’d grown up quite a bit since her school days. She had distanced herself from her rebellious tendencies, had learned from the experiences she had. Then again, with recent happenings in mind, maybe she hadn’t grown up quite that much after all. “So I’ll keep you company, then. Just tell me if I overstep or anything. But I’m happy to stick around if it wouldn’t bother you.” As much as Lily’s heart seemed to ache for Hestia in her current predicament, Hestia felt equally sorrowful when she thought about Lily and her relationship with her family. She couldn’t understand what it would be like to have people she cared so deeply for unable to fully comprehend what she was going through or the world that she was living in. It was even more difficult to imagine the people she loved not wanting to comprehend it. “If I can do anything, please, let me know. I’m sure it’s quite difficult keeping them in the dark. But maybe it is for the best that they don’t know everything.” The worst thing would be to put even more people in harm’s way just for the sake of transparency. The mention of Petunia and her husband made Hestia shudder. “I never understood that. How she could… write you off like that, even though you were both raised in the same household, both raised to be loving, caring people. Does she really think that you’re not the same person you were before you knew about magic?” Hestia sighed. “It isn’t silly. It’s… honest. A human reaction. And things will always happen around us, but we have to be in touch with what’s going on inside of us too.”

[marliism]

late nights | marlene and hestia

[marliism]

hestia.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Hestia put up her hands in surrender, laughing along with Marlene. “You’re right and I’m wrong. Happy?” It was so nice to have something to laugh about, and Hestia couldn’t believe just how good it felt to be laughing with one of her friends. The lightheartedness did not last long, though she was grateful for the confidence booster that Marlene was able to provide. “I’m glad that someone else has faith in me; I’ll work on building up my own, but until it’s actually where it needs to be, it’s good to know I’ve got friends like you.” She found herself laughing lightly at Marlene’s dig at Sirius. It was a fair assessment; the boy didn’t seem to think things through, and he never really did put that good head on his shoulders to its best use, no matter how much he tried. “You wouldn’t be so nice to me if the things you were saying weren’t true, right? Think about it being the same from me. You’re more than good enough, and I’ll happily remind you of it any time that you need.” But when the conversation turned back to Rita Skeeter, Hestia settled in, prepared for a conversation that couldn’t possibly go well. It seemed that nobody Hestia knew liked the woman – nobody, perhaps, except for Gilderoy, who would like anybody who would get him in front of a crowd and give him attention. But she still was one of the Prophet’s top writers, and there had to be something to be said for her skill. Instead of fighting with Marlene, Hestia just shrugged. “He does have some ideas that are kind of… out there,” she conceded, her smile slowly returning to her face. “And I do need a job, or at least something to keep me busy. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love if you could put in a good word for me. Seriously. I’ll owe you.”

It felt good to laugh again, even if it was short lived. Regardless of whatever the reason, for a minute things felt almost normal, sitting in a castle late at night laughing with one of her mates. Marlene couldn’t remember how long it had been since that happened; all she knew was it had to have been one hell of a long time since the last time. “’S always nice to hear I’m right. Take that as you will.” She nodded, flashing a slight grin toward the other. Even if it wouldn’t last, for a brief moment Marlene felt more like herself than she had in months, and that was more than she was ready to try understanding. “Ya ever need the ego boost, just let me know; somehow I’ve yet to annihilate mine, maybe I can build yours.” Maybe it wouldn’t work, but Marlene knew the good in Hestia was more than the woman seemed to believe. The McKinnon sure as shit didn’t deserve half the shit Hestia did, and yet her friend never seemed to believe that. 

“If I thought they weren’t true, I’d be a bitch, so I ‘spose I’ll give you that.” Marlene admitted with a half laugh, running her teeth over her bottom lip as she thought it through. It wasn’t often any of her friends or anyone else seemed to do this, talk to her so openly and yet understand if she couldn’t reciprocate. Xen tried, they really did, but Marlene knew it grated on the blond. Ten years of friendship didn’t change that, especially in the midst of what they were surviving. War had torn her apart and spit her out, leaving little more than a shell that had gotten pretty damn good pretending she was fine. Hearing Hestia’s next statement kept her silent for a moment longer; instincts and that ever present fear of being perceived as weak wanted to snap at her, but Marlene couldn’t bring herself to. For once. “Thanks, Jones.” She settled for instead, offering a crooked smile toward her friend. 

At the description of Xenophilius, the McKinnon witch couldn’t help the laugh that erupted out of her. “As a whole, he’s more than ‘kind of’ out there, I can promise you that.” She nodded, the laugh continuing as she thought of her best friend. Whatever ideas had him deemed unusual and mad by the vast majority of people, Marlene liked to believe she knew better. Even if he was, in fact, a downright loon about things. A grin on her face, Marlene shrugged. “Ya owe me nothin’ and if you try, I’d just argue it again. Ask Xen once you start workin’ with him, I’m very good at it.” She promised, although part of her knew it was futile. Still, it didn’t stop her arguing it; Marlene didn’t like debts. It made the potential for getting hurt or fucked over later on higher. 

[hcstia-joncs]

“If it’s that much of an ego boost, I’ll say it again. I like seeing you smile.” Hestia kept her own smile on her face, knowing that it would be easier for her friend to keep in a lighthearted mood if she appeared to be in one herself. “You laughing and smiling when we talk is enough of an ego boost in itself. But it’s good to hear you’ve still got some of yours. Sometimes I worry that you’ve lost some of that spark. Not that I’d blame you – just… it’d be a shame if you did.” She ran a hand through her hair. She didn’t feel like she had much of an ego to boost these days. Now, more than ever, she was feeling down about herself, and it was getting more and more difficult to find something to make herself happy. “Being a bitch isn’t always a bad thing,” Hestia shrugged. There were times when it was helpful. Or that being a bitch just felt good. “Any time. Seriously. That’s what friends are for, and you’re not shaking my friendship any time soon. No matter what.” It would take a lot more than what they’d already been through to stop them from being friends. “I was trying to be nice about it, that’s all,” she laughed again, knowing that Marlene was right about Xenophilius. She’d heard the rumors, read some of his writing. ‘Out there’ was a generous description at best. “Okay, so I might not owe you, technically, but as your friend, I’ll still try and be nice and generous to you in return. Out of the kindness that’s somehow left in my heart,” Hestia grinned. “I really appreciate you reaching out to him. I feel kind of… embarrassed, asking for help and everything. I never thought I’d be in this position. Y’know. Fired, asking my friends to ask their friends to hire me…”

[hcstia-joncs]

She wasn’t sure if things would ever truly be the same as they had once been – so much had changed since she was first blamed for the incident at the Prophet. Hestia wanted to believe that all of it was for the better. Even if it was painful to live through now, that pain could be for a better future. And even if she wasn’t certain of that fact, Hestia chose to try and believe it anyway, just to push herself into optimism, no matter how foreign a concept it seemed these days. “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault that it went down the way that it did.” So many people wished that they could do something, that they could help in some way. But they couldn’t. It was over. In the past. Now all that they could do was move forward. “Doing what you can is always enough. You can’t do more than that, can you?” she asked, her tone almost playful. “There’s no good that can come from pushing yourself too hard and trying to be everything to everyone. You’re best doing a few things exceptionally well than doing an exceptional amount of things poorly. That’s what my mother used to say, anyway. She wasn’t really a multitasker.” At the offer to help, Hestia chuckled. “I don’t know if I’d be much help, honestly. I mean, I’m a decent baker, and potions and baking are really all about being exact. I just wouldn’t want to get in the way. But company… that happens to be something I know I can provide.” Hestia nodded as Lily spoke. She couldn’t imagine having a family that was so distant; she’d always been relatively close with her parents, and Gwenog was a life saver in more ways than one. She could never understand having such distaste for anyone she was related to in the way that Petunia seemed to have for her sister. “So they know? About the war?” It was something that Hestia hadn’t quite considered. How did Muggle born witches and wizards tell their families about such awful things? “But you still hold out hope, don’t you? That she’ll come around? I mean, she has to, doesn’t she? She’s your sister. Other than my parents, my sister’s really the only person I have… nearby, anyway.” Realizing that she was making this moment about herself, Hestia went quiet. “You don’t have to be okay, you know… it’s okay to be upset about this kind of stuff.”

[vhsmeme]

* emotional starters

a collection of tv, movie and book quotes to kick you in the heart.

‘ i’m sorry for not telling you everything, but i needed this in order to get better. ’

‘ you can’t be sleeping already. it’s only seven. ’

‘ it was a mistake. ’

‘ not even a little visit? ’

‘ please smile. ’

‘ i’ll stop crying in a minute. ’

‘ you wanna hurt me? go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. i’m an easy target. ’

‘ i’m leaving you behind, too. i don’t feel very good about that. ’

‘ look, i don’t wanna hassle you, okay? i love you and i’ll see you soon. ’

‘ it sort of makes me happy to be sad. ’

‘ we’re safe, aren’t we? ’

‘ i don’t give a fuck what they say about me. ’

‘ you’re afraid that i might find the happiness you never had. ’

‘ i need to ask you a question. where do you think are right now? ’

‘ wanna be able to sleep, not worry about what’s gonna happen or who’s coming in. if i can get that, i’d be in heaven. or close to it. ’

‘ that supposed to scare me? ’

‘ well, this is your home now. you’re going to like it here. you’ll see. ’

‘ you’d like that, wouldn’t you? you’d like me just to get out. ’

‘ no, you hate the whole world. ’

‘ you’ve been – you’ve been manipulating me. ’

‘ little things. you let little things get to you. ’

‘ no, no, sweetheart. i believe you. with all my heart i believe you. ’

‘ how much do you value your life? ’

[xen-lovegood]

Early November

@hcstia-joncs

The first few publications of The Quibbler–so named for the noun meaning an objection or criticism, as they were doing with the Death Eaters and pure blood culture, so he had tried numerous times to explain to Marlene–had gone off well. Xen’s fingers were stained with ink, despite the purchase of an enchanted printing press bought with funds donated to him by the McKinnon. He was finally not only getting his pieces published, but publishing them himself so he could say whatever he wanted however he wanted to say it. There was no more need for censorship, there was no more need for anything other than the unfiltered truth. Word was going to get out much more quickly now. But if they were going to resort to the guerrilla distribution techniques he had in mine, he was going to need some help to do so. Sure, he could manage to publish the entire thing himself, but it had only been with the use of numerous energy potions that probably weren’t particularly healthy for prolonged use.

They needed another columnist (or columnists really) to join the paper and they knew exactly who their top choice was. It was Hestia who had taken the risk to publish the truth. She had lost so much only for doing the right hing. If anyone had a quibble to make, it was Hestia. She had always been a strong writer for the Prophet and she was on the right side of things after all. She was his first choice for the first person to write with him on the paper, so he’d sent her an owl asking her to meet at the same cafe where they’d talked the day her momentous article had been published.

“Morning. Good to see you,” he said looking up from his latte with a smile when she joined him. “Look, I’ll get right to it. No sense in wasting time when we know what we want. You’ve probably heard about my new paper, the one I started after the Prophet burned. I want to put together a load of issues to disperse at the World Cup. But having only one journalist in the whole thing isn’t very journalistic, now is it? And if I want to keep it going, I’m going to need help anyway. Point is, we both know you’re the best one for the job. I can’t afford to pay you, or at least not much, but would you consider joining me as the first additional columnist for The Quibbler?”

[hcstia-joncs]

More than anything, Hestia missed writing. She missed putting quill to paper, missed getting her ideas out of her mind and onto a page, missed seeing her name in print – even if it was in a paper such as The Daily Prophet. She’d always wanted to be a writer, and for a little over a year, that was exactly what she was. She was a journalist. It was a powerful feeling, knowing that she’d accomplished her long-term dream within months of graduating from Hogwarts, even if it had seemed like a longer period of time when everything was still coming together. But even quicker than she started working at the Prophet, she lost it… for writing the truth. It was a devastating development, but there wasn’t much she could do about it now. Instead of pursuing any writing jobs after losing her first one, Hestia stayed away from journalism. Anything she wrote remained in her journal, unseen by the rest of the world. She was afraid of entering the spotlight again. The backlash could be awful and even more damaging to her career than her initial firing had been. Now she nannied and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, allowing her to be financially stable even if she was vocationally unfulfilled. But still, there was an urge inside of her to write. She couldn’t stop herself from scribbling things down in her journal at any chance that she was given… nor did she want to. Sitting across from Xenophilius at a table, she made herself comfortable. She had an idea of what they wanted – she’d heard from Marlene and others that they were looking for more people to join his paper, The Quibbler. The idea was intriguing to say the least. Maybe, just maybe, it was time for her to start sharing her thoughts with the world once again. “Good to see you too,” she smiled, suddenly feeling nervous. “I have heard – Marlene and Andromeda told me about it.” As they continued speaking, she twiddled her thumbs, waiting for the inevitable shoe to drop. “I’m flattered that you thought of me. Really, I am. And as for the pay… certain things aren’t exactly all for the money ,are they?” Hestia laughed lightly. “I’d more than consider it. I’d ask you when you want me to start!”

[hcstia-joncs]

She could remember every bit of it clearly. Being called in for questioning, sitting down at the table across from stern-faced men, knowing that whatever she said, it wouldn’t be taken seriously unless she could prove that she was telling the truth beyond a reasonable doubt. But as awful as that had been, she made it out alive, and in one piece, and that was more than enough to be grateful for. “Of course there’s going to be something else out there for me. But I doubt it’ll come my way any time soon. There’s too much chaos, and there aren’t many other writing jobs that’d be willing to hire me after I was brought in for questioning and fired at my last position. It’s not easy to stay hopeful when you know the next thing that’ll come your way might be months from now at the earliest.” She took a deep breath. No matter how difficult things were for her, Hestia had to know that there were people who were far worse off than she was. People were losing their lives, which was far more than simply their jobs. All things considered, she’d gotten off relatively easily. “It’s worth a lot. Thank you,” she mused. “And know that you have the same support from me.” She gave her friend a quick reassuring smile before listening as Lily continued to speak. “That’s… incredible. I’m sure if anyone can find something useful, it’d be you. Potions have always been your specialty, haven’t they?” So Lily was working at the hospital, too. Hestia had been told that she should take up a job there, maybe working a shift or two to help make ends meet. But even when she was at her lowest, Hestia wanted to do something that would make her happy. She just couldn’t see herself doing that kind of work, no matter how rewarding other people might’ve found it. “Is it? I haven’t really stopped by recently, even though I should. Maybe I can bring you something during one of your shifts – coffee, a sandwhich?” But it was the next sentence that made Hestia pause, stunned into silence by Lily’s confession. “A – a year…” She thought about her own sister and couldn’t help but think how different life would be if the Jones siblings weren’t as close as they were. “And you didn’t know? Oh, Lily, I can’t imagine…Are you… okay?”

[marliism]

late nights | marlene and hestia

[hcstia-joncs]

“Okay, okay, fine.” Hestia put up her hands in surrender, laughing along with Marlene. “You’re right and I’m wrong. Happy?” It was so nice to have something to laugh about, and Hestia couldn’t believe just how good it felt to be laughing with one of her friends. The lightheartedness did not last long, though she was grateful for the confidence booster that Marlene was able to provide. “I’m glad that someone else has faith in me; I’ll work on building up my own, but until it’s actually where it needs to be, it’s good to know I’ve got friends like you.” She found herself laughing lightly at Marlene’s dig at Sirius. It was a fair assessment; the boy didn’t seem to think things through, and he never really did put that good head on his shoulders to its best use, no matter how much he tried. “You wouldn’t be so nice to me if the things you were saying weren’t true, right? Think about it being the same from me. You’re more than good enough, and I’ll happily remind you of it any time that you need.” But when the conversation turned back to Rita Skeeter, Hestia settled in, prepared for a conversation that couldn’t possibly go well. It seemed that nobody Hestia knew liked the woman – nobody, perhaps, except for Gilderoy, who would like anybody who would get him in front of a crowd and give him attention. But she still was one of the Prophet’s top writers, and there had to be something to be said for her skill. Instead of fighting with Marlene, Hestia just shrugged. “He does have some ideas that are kind of… out there,” she conceded, her smile slowly returning to her face. “And I do need a job, or at least something to keep me busy. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love if you could put in a good word for me. Seriously. I’ll owe you.”

[hcstia-joncs]

Being deserving of something was so far removed from Hestia’s view of herself. She stopped believing that she deserved any kind of job when she couldn’t find one directly after graduating Hogwarts. She stopped believing that she was deserving of keeping a job when she struggled to keep hers at the Daily Prophet. At this point, she just wanted something to keep herself busy and to pay her rent. Anything more than that would be a blessing, but not something that she necessarily deserved. In an ideal world, perhaps she could say differently. Here and now, though… not so much. “We all deserve a healthy work environment. But those are few and far between, even at the best of times. I can’t ask for too much – I’m happy just to pay my rent, these days.” She knew that she would always have a place to stay with the Tonks family or with the Order. But she was growing tired on depending on the kindness of others. “Of course I’d do the same for you. And Ted. And Dora. It’s what friends are for.” Her smile didn’t falter – for once she was just happy to tell the truth and let Andromeda know just how much she cared. “Children are like that, aren’t they? Just happy to greet a new day and find out where it’ll take them. She’s still too young to understand any kind of hatred. – I’ll just have to come and visit, then. Just tell me when, and I’ll bring over something for dinner. We can just eat together, talk. Be normal. It’s been a while since we’ve even tried that, hasn’t it?”

[hcstia-joncs]

Losing her job was more than a blow to her wallet. It was a blow to her self-esteem, to her reputation, to everything that she had going for her. It had taken months of hard work, interviews, and letter writing to get a position at the Daily Prophet. And then, in one day, after the publication of a single article that people deemed scandalous (though it was more of a revelation of truth than a scandal, in her own opinion, anyway), she had lost it all. But still, Hestia knew that she could’ve lost far more than just her job. And for that, she was lucky. “I don’t know if I have another ‘something fantastic’ in me. I keep trying to be positive, and I keep telling myself that there are more opportunities out there and that there’s a chance for me to do something more with my life and that all of this happened for a greater good, but…” She shrugged. Being overly pessimistic didn’t come naturally to Hestia, who wanted to see the good in most people and situations. But it was getting more and more difficult by the day to do so, and she was becoming exhausted because of it. “I wasn’t happy there. So there’s that. At least now I can do something that means something. I just… that means I have to find that something. I wish I could’ve at least left on my own terms.” It was something that never would’ve happened – Hestia would’ve stayed in her job no matter how miserable she became, even if she wasn’t ready to admit that to herself. “Busy with what?” she asked. Somehow it was always easier to invest in someone else’s life than to talk about her own. “I want to hear all about it, whatever it is. Must be pretty intense if it can keep your mind off of all of… everything else.”

[hcstia-joncs]

They were children. By all accounts, Hestia was still a child – though she had her own job and lived on her own, she still felt lost and malleable and like she still had most of her growing to do. But even if she thought that way, that didn’t change the fact that Xeno was right. Things were different now. Any semblance of childhood innocence had been stripped away months ago, perhaps even before the war had even began. “Do you believe in that? A ‘greater good,’ I mean? I know that we need something to fight for, but… are we kidding ourselves into thinking we’re being the heroes when the work we’re doing isn’t anywhere close to enough?” She hadn’t meant to become philosophical so quickly. “Sorry.” As they leaned in to offer some advice, Hestia felt her chest tighten. Bias would always exist. That was a given. But why was the bias towards basic human rights considered to be a bad thing? If journalism wasn’t changing hearts and minds, what was the point in it existing to begin with? “Logically I know that,” she started, letting the rest of the sentence fall away. “It’s easy to say something is the rest of the world’s fault. But at what point does it become my fault for not doing anything to change it?” She always had been quick to blame herself, and the impending doom of this situation was no different. “You’re flattering me again. I’m just saying what needs to get said. That doesn’t make me important. Just the message.” Unlike Gilderoy, Hestia didn’t want her own name out there. As long as people were reading, as long as they were caring, she would be happy enough. On some level, she had to be. She laughed as he gestured along with his comment. “Got it. Well, I’d love to read more of your stuff. Maybe we can co-author a piece sometime. Share our audiences – if the Prophet allows it, of course.”

[marliism]

late nights | marlene and hestia

[hcstia-joncs]

Working together was infinitely more powerful than working apart. She knew this in her gut – that those fighting on behalf of Aversio were no better or worse than those on the side of the Order. Truthfully, when the war was boiled down into its simplest of forms, there were only two sides to the damned war: those who were in favor of the rights and existences of Muggle-born witches and wizards and those who wished to eradicate them. Such a view, to some people, might have seemed reductive and extremist. But the more time that Hestia spent working for what she saw to be the ‘greater good,’ the less she found herself able to be compassionate towards anyone on the other side. There was a time and a place to have a moderate opinion – but these days, to be moderate was to say that you didn’t care, and to not care was quite possibly the worst sin of them all. “I suppose there has to be,” Hestia conceded with a light chuckle. She certainly wouldn’t consider herself to be the worst person to be stuck with. Smart, however… Hestia found herself wondering how she’d ever been sorted into Ravenclaw. These days she felt like her mind was turning into mush, like her intelligence had all been wasted, and now she was stuck trying to make sense of things without much of a brain at all. But to hear that she was smart, from someone like Marlene, who had always been held in high esteem in Hestia’s mind, was reassuring to say the least. “Only as smart as the people around me make me. I’m rather stupid, left to my own devices.” She could tell that Marlene had difficulty speaking about her mother, that their relationship was strained, to say the least. But the darker tone that the woman had when speaking about her made it clear that Marlene didn’t want to go into detail about just how difficult that relationship had been. “I –” Hestia didn’t know what to say. What was she supposed to say when her friend admitted that her mother detested her? “You’ll prove her wrong, then. You already have, quite frankly. You’ve done plenty well without having someone like that constantly acting like you’ll never be good enough. Just… know that you are. Beyond good enough, that is.” She found herself laughing at Marlene’s assessment of Rita Skeeter. The woman was a talented fabricator of stories – lies, really, if they were to be called what they truly were. It was an undeniable fact that the woman was good at making her stories into something believable. Perhaps it wasn’t just her writing. The entire world had become something so unrecognizable that her stories almost seemed true just because she was given the authority to make them seem so. People bought into them. That couldn’t entirely be Rita’s doing. “Well, if we’ve learned anything over the past year or so, it’s that people don’t always get what they’re worth. And often times things are given to people who don’t deserve them. Good or bad.” It was a nice way of saying things. “And we’ll never be a part of that agenda, during the war or afterwards. It’s awful, really, how they get away with this nasty journalism and that they’re able to call it ‘fact.’ – would you really? It isn’t that I’m nervous, I just… I don’t want to push anything on him if he doesn’t want it in the first place. I don’t think I’d ever go back to the Prophet though. I couldn’t, after what they’ve done. After everything that they continue to do.”

[hcstia-joncs]

The comment came from a place of love, which Hestia had to appreciate. Of all the people in her life who had been supportive, Andromeda was the one person who put her words into action, who truly tried to help her out when she was in her time of need. A simple ‘thank you’ would never suffice, and as such, Hestia wasn’t sure if she could ever truly repay Andromeda for the kindness that she’d provided. “I miss the steady paycheck, but that’s about it. You’re right, though. It wasn’t anywhere close to a healthy work environment.” She laughed, finishing paying for her coffee before turning back to her friend. “And I know I’ll never have to create something entirely on my own. You’ve been beyond wonderful through all of this, and I know that I wouldn’t have made it to this point without you.” Her smile remained steady. “For now I might have to, but I won’t in the long run. I promise. How is she, by the way? Bubbly and outgoing as always? I’ll have to stop by and say hello. I’ve been too preoccupied lately, and I miss her. All of you, actually. The whole Tonks family.”

[hcstia-joncs]

“Were things ever that much simpler?” Hestia asked. She wasn’t trying to be obstinate – she truly couldn’t think of a time when things were ‘simpler,’ whether in the Muggle world or the Wizarding one. “Maybe we were more innocent before. Maybe we didn’t know to think so deeply about everything that the adults were worrying about. We were kids, after all.” Some people, Hestia knew, would still consider her a child. She had only just graduated from Hogwarts a short while ago. But the time that passed between then and now seemed like a decade at the very least in her mind. “Maybe the busyness and the pain is part of growing up, and we’re only just now realizing it. Isn’t it just horrible?” The statement may have been a touch dramatic. But all the same, it felt true. And if there was anything that Hestia could rely on these days, her feelings seemed like the right place to start. Their comments only made her blush more. She felt like the article had the potential to be something big. But whether or not it would be was another story entirely. “It’s just about the war. The dangers of not taking sides – you know, that kind of thing. It’s a necessary article, and of course I’d like to say the writing’s good. But I’m a bit biased, aren’t I?” She laughed at their comments about their own article. “Doxy populations – I think I read that one! I found a few copies of it floating around, which may have been your doing, too. It was impressive.” She didn’t know if she shared the same passion for mythical beasts and their well-being, but if Xeno was passionate about it, she supposed it was good for them to pursue such things. “Or maybe they’re tired of hearing me complain about everything good I write being left on the cutting room floor. But I hope you’re right. I hope it’s good, and I hope it’s necessary.” She wouldn’t have written it if she thought otherwise. But all of her thoughts meant nothing if someone else didn’t agree. Someone other than the Order. Someone outside of her personal sphere of influence. She wanted people to care about the war as deeply as she did, to see the hypocrisy they were surrounded by, and she wanted them to do something about it. Hopefully this article would spark just that. “At a minimum. You’re a gifted writer, Xen. I’ll be lucky if I can write half as well as you can.” Their disapproval for Gilderoy was apparent… and for once, Hestia couldn’t be mad about it. Gilderoy had ridden the fence for too long. He was part of the problem, if not a strong perpetuator of it. Still, she didn’t want to think too much about the shortcomings of someone who had once been so important to her. “You’re… you’re right. I didn’t know you were such a motivational speaker. Since when have you been so wise?”