𝓟𝙍𝙄𝙈𝘼 ❊

miss behavior.

[jaennie]

WINTER ♡ Dreams Come True (220108) for anon

[hdsumin]

if my scars are a part of me...  ㅤㅤㅤself-para, pre-debut confessional.  ㅤㅤㅤwc: 407

the staff had given her four takes. four takes to change the pitch of her voice, the way she held her hands, where her eyes looked—  ㅤㅤㅤ"sumin-ah, it sounds good, really. they'll think you're so cute. we really need to finish your hair—" and get to the other girls, of course. sumin likely would have never been happy, no matter what version of herself they showed her on that tiny screen to preview her recorded confessional. the interview questions had been simple enough. ones that she had expected and prepared for. but that didn't mean that in the moment, they weren't suddenly the most insurmountable task that had ever been placed in front of her— did she know what persona she wanted to sell for the camera? what persona she needed to be to stand out in this group of girls? her nails bit into the arms of the chair as she watched one last time,  ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ"sumin-ah, tell us, how does it feel to be debuting?"

nerve-wracking. like eating so much food because it tasted good, only to be left with a sick stomach and the knowledge that you took on more than you should. hopeful. like, "i told you so." like leaving something behind. she had settled on a sort of dazed looking grin, eyes drifting from the manager who had asked her to the lens of the camera, knowing this would give the impression of eye-contact with whoever would be watching this footage.  ㅤㅤㅤ"i'm so excited. i joined the label with my twin what feels like just a moment ago, but we've worked so hard—" a pause, "you know, everyone has. my groupmates," shit, does that seem like they're an afterthought? "i can't believe we've finally made it."  ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ"what are you looking forward to the most?" being right. that i deserve this. that i belong here. having the cameras on me. the mic, which will make them listen to me. they're all going to hear me. i hope they see my name on magazines. "working with the other girls," she breathed, an appropriately timed laugh lilting the end of her words, "we're going to show everyone a really strong image," which was a phrase she had picked up from watching more senior idols, ones debuted long before her, "and i hope they love it as much as i do."  ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤi know they're going to. i'll make them love me.

[hdsubin]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"i know i am, come on." subin held out the contentious jacket, urging sumin to put it out. while the days had warmed slightly, the winter wind still pushed through, the knife that cut through clothing. sumin's hand curled around his arm, a familiar touch, as he led her to the car he had waiting, opening the back door so that she could enter first before sliding in after her. mom and dad. he wasn't expecting the question, and he felt himself stiffen imperceptibly in response. good ol' mom and dad. he had spoken to their mother recently, informed her of their current status: subin locked into endless trainee grind, sumin on thee brink of debut. he could hear the slur in her words as she gushed over her daughter, her joy tampered by the obvious intoxication... what was it this time? alcohol? pills. she'd tried to reassure subin that his time, too, would come. a sentiment she'd echoed endlessly over the past two years. he'd ended the phone call almost as quickly as he had started it. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"mom knows, she's... happy for you." sumin didn't need to know how their mother continued to hide her pain behind the shimmering veil of inebriation. but their father... subin's relationship with their father had always been contentious: subin actively rebelling against everything the man instructed him to do... until it benefitted him. he was an unwilling participant, but fed from the silver spoon reegardless. he couldn't remember the last time he'd heard his father's voice. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"i don't know about dad... you know how it is. we haven't spoken in awhile, but i'm sure he's aware. he always is." subin glanced toward his twin, her eyes searching his own, seeking something. reassurance? pride? indifference? a small smile formed on his face, a rarity, as he assumed the role he'd always played for his sister: supporter, advocate, mother, father, brother. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"i'm proud of you, you know. it's no easy thing, what you've done. i believe in you, min-ah. we'll be seeing your name in lights everywhere, soon enough."

[hdsumin]

where subin was contentious, dipping his toes into attempts at maintaining contact— sumin was a stone wall. she didn't let their parents in, as much as she felt that innate craving, the deep-seated ache that was now pressing upon her chest, to know them and to be known. by never speaking to them, she knew that she placed the burden on subin to carry that weight. he had to be the one to relay messages, an intermediary between mother and daughter, father and— well, sometimes sumin didn't even listen to those messages. she was also a vine. it climbed up her walls, out of them, through the ground until it wrapped itself around anyone close enough that was of comfort. for as long as there had been air to breathe, that had been subin. that was why now, when he said that he was proud, her lips quirked up in spite of herself. it did feel a little like how a father might speak, if sumin had known anything about that. ㅤㅤㅤ"thank you," the grumble in her voice might not have told anyone else that she appreciated the praise, but she knew subin would understand. she'd never been particularly good at accepting kindness, because she so rarely gave it out herself. she knew that her brother was the same way, so there was no pressure but— he wasn't debuting. not yet, anyway. for the first time in their lives, that meant she was now one step ahead of him. that was why now, she felt a momentary fumble for words as they climbed into the vehicle to be jettisoned off to whatever restaurant subin had selected for the evening. to celebrate her. was this the first time she'd celebrated something that was wholly her own? her cheeks felt a flush of something akin to shame, and she breathed, ㅤㅤㅤ"it will be your turn soon." because it felt like she had to. ㅤㅤㅤ"it has to be." 'cause i don't know how long i can do this on my own.

[hdsubin]

it wasn't an unfamiliar picture.

sumin staring the girl down, her eyes fiery, hands on her hips as she delivered the killing blow. subin had watched as his twin hissed at the girl, "didn't your mommy teach you not to touch what you can't afford?" with a sigh, he stepped into the room, ushering the cowering girl out of the door he'd just entered before rounding on his twin. he tilted his head disapprovingly, quiet for a moment to see if sumin would talk first. which she did, as always. ‎‎‎‎‎ "she wasn't going to steal your shit, min-ah." subin rubbed at his temple, the suggestion of a headache creeping behind his eyes. he had initially been joyous for his sister, offering to take her to a celebratory dinner when news of her imminent debut broke. he had thought that this would potentially tame the other, subdue her, put her on her best behavior with the promise of publicity, stardom, a debut.

he could see that he was wrong. ‎‎‎‎‎ "you can't keep this up, you know that, right?" subin studied her, picking up the jacket that the trainee had discarded in her attempt to escape. ‎‎‎‎‎ "you'll get a reputation, people are watching you now that you may debut. childish antics aren't going to earn you any favor among those who matter... and besides, think about what daddy dearest might say if he found out you were picking fights with the peons." the superiority complex was not unique to sumin, but subin hid it better. he was arrogant, self-assured, but calculating, knowing when and where to play nice... a skill his twin had seemed to not have developed. ‎‎‎‎‎ "now, if you're done biting the hand that feeds you, we have a reservation to make."

[hdsumin]

ㅤㅤㅤmin-ah. min-ah. min-ah.

the affectionate curl of her name helped soothe the sting of being wrong. it even smoothed over the knife twist of daddy dearest, who sumin was sure didn't even remember which company she was signed to, much less paid attention to any updates on her impending career burst. not that that bothered her. not in the slightest. ㅤㅤ"sorry," she grumbled as she drew herself to her feet, anger simmering until only the flush in her cheeks could betray that she had been feeling anything other than the generic gratitude she was now expected to glow with. ㅤㅤ"you're right," because when wasn't subin? even the way he carried himself now, chin slightly tilted upward, reflected that stark difference in their ability to carry their feelings. subin with confidence, poise, and sumin at the trembling knife's edge of a meltdown. they headed out, her fingers twined around his bicep so that she didn't lose her footing as she stared down at her phone while they made their way to the car subin had waiting for them. ㅤㅤ"does dad know? mom?" it betrayed her usual air of indifference towards their parents. she hadn't told them, knowing that their reaction wouldn't bring her any happiness. her mother would squeal and she would find it grating, and their father would likely behave as if it was only what was expected. nothing to be proud of. she always found that in subin. her eyes lifted to his face now, searching for it, wondering if there would only be disappointment now that he'd found her in so compromising a situation. she had known it was wrong, when she'd lashed out at the other girl— she just hadn't been able to control herself. ㅤㅤ"i think i have a good part in the song." ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤdo you care?

[hdsumin]

— blue flame.

ㅤ ㅤwith @hdsubin, present day. mentions female npc.

ㅤㅤ"it's not my fault. she shouldn't have been getting into my shit." her eyes had been fixed on the floor for the better part of ten minutes, lip caught between her teeth, brows furrowed. sumin looked the picture of childish petulance. up until this attempt at mounting a defense, all she'd offered up was a few grunted, 'i know, i know,' as subin had huffed and puffed at her about putting everything at risk. they'd been planning this dinner ever since sumin found out that she was going to be debuting. it was a chance to celebrate in the midst of her increasingly busy schedules, of his own obligations, but she'd been late. this wasn't unusual, but subin had bothered to come looking once it had gotten past even sumin's typical tardiness. he'd found her in the practice rooms cornering another girl— a trainee, someone she barely knew, who sumin had caught holding the jacket she'd left on the back of a chair in the corner of the room. ㅤㅤ"didn't your mommy teach you not to touch what you can't afford?" the door had clicked open to reveal subin's face just as sumin had hissed that, metaphorical hackles raised. anyone else might have assumed the girl was just moving the jacket out of the way, given her the benefit of the doubt. sumin had only seen red. subin had walked in just as she was confronting her for what had looked like theft in her eyes, and had been the merciful hand to usher the girl out of the practice room, now leaving the twins alone. ㅤㅤ"she was going to steal it. why else was she holding it? she didn't need that chair." subin was looking down at her, and sumin felt all of ten years old again, insisting that another kid on the playground had snatched up her pencil case, which was why she had lashed out at them. ㅤㅤ"it's not my fault. she won't tell anyone, anyway."

[hdsumin]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 '𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒚 ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝒊 𝒂𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆 ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ— 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒂, "GROSS"

introducing: AHN SUMIN, trainee with wonder nation.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤstats | bio | points | plots tba!

about sumin. sumin is best described as a fire cracker, and worst described as an antagonist. her twin brother (@hdsubin) was her only friend for the longest time, and co-dependency only makes the heart grow— sicker? she is competitive and spoiled, but has the education and talent in DANCE and VISUALS to validate her attitude.

about the writer. my name is scout! discord is available on request (and sometimes is easier than tumblr ims!). i work full time and operate on gmt -7, so will be most available in the evenings and on weekends. i know i need to get to all of the lovely messages welcoming sumin (MWAH!), and will get to that this evening! i don't have my developed plots page up yet but sumin is available for antagonistic plots (rival toeing the line of bully, exes with an explosive end, someone she barely knows and so can't pinpoint why she makes faces at them in the hallway (the plot twist could be that she thinks they're talented/interesting and just doesn't know how to befriend them), AND for awkward friendship plots (such as, we were both stuck together to train and sumin started to warm up enough that by the end of their little project she was stuffing snacks into their hands and getting huffy if they tried to thank her...!!!) super excited to get to meet you all! if we aren't already in a dm thread, feel free to 'like' this and i'll message you this evening!

[weltenwellen]

Alejandra Pizarnik, tr. by Yvette Siegert, from “From the Other Side”, Extracting the Stone of Madness: Poems 1962 - 1972

[minijeong]

winter // aespa - girls (221216)

[hdsumin]

•••• tag dump!