BELLO, im rory, I write when I get too obsessed with something!
i am probably writing a new draft of a fic for a new fictional character of the month that I will never post. but below are some links to find the stuff that actually makes it on the account!!Â
status : going to watch Project Hail Mary for the millionth time.
currently taking requests!! (preferably clark kent, ryland grace or peter parker but give me your best ideas)
about me ( just a bit about what i like to yap about )
 my masterlist ( come check out some writing! )
my most important post ! ( its very important )
find me on ao3 | wattpadÂ
any questions, donât hesitate to ask !! or if you just want to rant about your favorite characters, iâm so down to do that. hope you enjoy my writing !!
In which the government (Eva Stratt) shows up at your door and gives you no choice but to join the Petrova Taskforce. The reason? Ryland Grace recommended you, your old friend (or whatever you were) from college. And for some reason, you said yes.
or
the tether tying you to earth was always very thin, but now it seemed ready to snap.
word count: 10.7k (lol)
content warning: some (a lot of) inaccurate science (I hate to say it but I would not be on the Petrova Taskforce), some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, slight (very slight) references to sex, mention of parental death, mention of needles and going under, miscommunication trope (yasss) and someone tell ryland grace to just say something!! ( as always, lmk if I missed anything)
a/n: wow this has been sitting with me for a while! this is like my passion project, I have been so excited to get this out and I hope you all enjoy it too! this is my first time writing for Ryland (and writing in a while so give me some grace...see what I did there?). excited to be back and hopefully writing some more!
ANYWAYS, I would happily write a part two of if the people want it! (or just rant in my inbox about headcanons)
If there was one thing you knew it was that Ryland Grace and you perfectly orbited each other, even when he was far off in San Francisco teaching the next generation of young scientists. It had been that way since you met him in college and it just never stopped. Part of you thought it was written in the stars that Ryland Grace and you were meant to do great things together.
Even after everything that happened with his research paper, even after your lab group dropped you post college from lack of funding, it was still the two of you. Science Partners, pen pals, best budsâŠ.among other ambiguous unstated things. You stayed in contact over the years, frequent calls, letters, the stupid punny e-cards he would email you on your birthday every year. There was a time, in college, when the two of you were together almost every day. And your excuse was always that we just work well together.
You knew Ryland Grace, you would say it was your next best subject. However, in this specific, very rare instance, you had no idea what the fuck Ryland Grace was even talking about.
Have you ever considered helping save the planet?
You must have reread the email a thousand times. Enough where your brain eventually shut off from confusion and your head met the keyboard in place of a pillow. Only when a loud thudding rattled through your dingy apartment did you finally realize that you had even fallen asleep. You blinked at the screen, lifting your head from your keyboard, the sun shining through the windows onto your desk. Reaching up, you peeled a small sticky note off your face, rubbing your eyes.
BANG, BANG, BANG. The sound rattled through your thin walls again and only on the second time did you realize it was coming from your front door. You paused for a second and glanced at your small digital clock, it was only six in the morning. Shooting up from your chair you made your way to the door, grabbing an umbrella on the way over, just in case.
You peered through the peep hole, only relaxing for a second when you saw a womanâŠthen her two, what you could assume were body guards, behind her. Right about now you would have called Ryland but he had been off the grid, that email being the first sign of life you had gotten in days.
Shit. Shit. Shit. What do you even do? You glanced back out, seeing them talking amongst themselves before knocking again, the woman calling your name through the door. Quickly turning to the mirror on the wall near the door, you let out a groan at what you saw. There was mascara smeared under your eyes from sleep and your hair stuck up in fifteen directions, all completed by the oversized t-shirt you had on reading âThis gal believes in aliensâ.Â
Fuck it!
You threw the umbrella to the side, brushed some hair out of your face and opened the door, casually leaning against the frame like everything was under control.
âHi,â you spoke up, voice rough from not sleep, quickly clearing your throat in response, arms crossed over yourself to hide the stupid shirt. âHiâŠuh is there anything I can do for you?â
The women did not look amused, only offering you a nod, slightly peaking into the small studio apartment behind you.Â
âYes, actually, you received an email,â she spoke, sharp, straight to the point. It wasnât a question really, more like a confirmed fact she was repeating. Her eyebrow quirked ever so slightly at your silence. âAm I wrong?â
You shook your head quickly.
âYes or no? It is really that simpleâ.
âYes, yes, sorryâŠâ you hesitated for a second, coming to the quick realization you had no idea who these people were. And yet, you were so scared to see what would happen if you lied. âYeah I got an emailâ.
âNot my decision. Dr. Grace thought however that it would be most efficient,â she continued. âHe has spoken very highly of you and from my own research, I can understand whyâ.
Dr. Grace? Ryland?Â
She gestured past you which you could only respond by moving to the side. Her presence commanded space and you respected it, or feared it, there was a lot to unpack. She stepped past you, turning to give a nod to the two men with her who remained outside.
âI am sorry,â you began, closing the door, turning to face her. âMaybe you got the wrong person-â
âThat is not possible,â she replied. âHe was very insistent that we must contact you in order to move forwardâ.
For what? Contact you for what?
You watched as the woman moved around the room like it was her space, picking up books and skimming through old pages of notes you had written. Then she turned to face a white board you had mounted messily in your kitchen, scribbled with notes and doodles that surrounded three big words: THE PETROVA LINE.
âSeems we are on the same page,â she mused, the first time you had heard any significant change in her tone.Â
The space and the stars and the idea of infinity above had kept you up late into the night as a child. Your parents should have expected your world was one far away from the grounds of Earth, that you would live your life with your head in the stars. Your father used to have to drag you inside from your backyard, you set up with a blanket and a small telescope that they had bought you for your birthday that year. Each night would end the same, your parents calling you to come inside and you asking for five more minutes, which turned into ten, which turned into hours. But your little sixth grade self could not fathom how school was more important than the world above, the possibilities of the stars.
And when you went to college to study that world it was the easiest decision of your life. Then the stars turned on you and you could not understand why.
The Petrova Line kept you up at night.
âYou studied the Tau Ceti System, yes?â
The name of the planet system sent a shockwave through you in a way you didnât even know was possible. Tau Ceti was your whole life, or it had been in a distant past, it was a system you believed to have more potential than people truly gave it credit for. Yes, you knew Tau Ceti, however you had let that ship sail a long time ago.Â
âYeah,â you spoke up, quieter than before. âYeah I did some work on Tau Cetiâ.
And you could not help the wave of disappointment that hit you at those words. You had been recruited to a lab group after college that was specifically dedicating funding to researching the Tau Ceti System, and when it fell through, so did all your plans. You had dropped every other offer for the one that, it was everything you had wanted. It was a risk, and it fell through. No one really prepares you for post college as an Astrobiologist, no one ever tells you that you will end up working as a waitress at the Extraterrestrial Eatery near your house. At least you got to wear a cool space suit there. Tau Ceti and your other research had been benched, pushed to the side for evenings when you had nothing else to do.
âPerfect. Now that is cleared up, grab anything that might be important and we can be on our wayâ.
The women turned to move past you back for the door and you felt like your feet were suddenly glued to the ground. You opened your mouth to speak, before closing it, then opening it again. Yet no sound seemed to come out.
âWhat is this?â she asked, turning back, gesturing to your face. âI do not need the fish impression right now, this is a serious matter, we do not have the timeâ.
You immediately shut your mouth, then took a breath.
âWho are you?â you finally cried out. âWhat is this? No one is telling me anything!â
You felt insane, like you were living in some simulation where everyone knew what was going on but you. Where were the cameras? When were they gonna jump out and say it was all some weird, honestly unnerving, prank?
âI am Eva Stratt, head of the Petrova Taskforceâ she began. âAnd you have been selected by Ryland Grace to help solve the Petrova Lineâ.
âI have work tomorrow,â you breathed out, a loss for words. The Petrova Taskforce, some of the world's most brilliant minds coming to youâŠa waitress at an alien restaurant. The email came back to you, the ominous words from Ryland, saving the world. This was news that a long time ago would have been everything you had ever wanted to hearâŠnow you felt like some imposter, out of place.
Why you? Why now? Why after years of beating around the bush did Ryland Grace need your help to solve one of humanity's greatest emergencies. Why was Ryland Grace solving one of humanity's greatest emergencies?
âThat will not be a problem,â Stratt countered. âWe have already contacted your place of work and put you on an indefinite time of leaveâ.
âYou canât just do that!â you fought back, even if you knew that was the least of your worries. It was all so much, all at once. Ryland and Tau Ceti and the Petrova Line and saving the fucking planet.Â
You remained still glued to the floor, grasping at straws, scared of saying yesâŠmaybe even more scared of saying no. You glanced around the room, the books, the hours of work, the pictures of Ryland and you scattered around the room from college. It had been years since you saw him and maybe that scared you too, seeing him again, reopening feelings you had sworn to bury too deep to ever reach again.Â
Your curiosity for the world remained, your love for space had never quite gone away, that would be impossible. It was just more of a hobby now, you looked less like someone with a PhD in Astrobiology and more like a crazed conspiracy theorist. You werenât the same scientist from college, bright eyed and ready to fly into space if she had to.
Dr. Stratt spoke your name from the silence, your eyes snapping back to meet hers, âthe sun is dying.â
The word settled heavy, lingering in the air between the two of you.Â
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she continued, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
-----------
If there was something you would be fine never doing again it was that fuck-ass fighter jet. But now, standing in front of the door to the conference room, you think you might rather go back and ride the jet a few more times to stall. You hadnât seen Ryland Grace in yearsâŠand now you were there, feet away from him and the idea overwhelmed you more than you thought it would.
The ride over had been a bumpy, hazy mess. Anyone you tried to ask about what was happening would ignore you as if you were a ghostâŠwhich only left you with more questions. By the time you landed on a boat your brain was too tired to even try to make sense of it all.
You had met Ryland in college. You both ended up in the same class, âThe History of Extraterrestrial Lifeâ...better known on campus as That One Alien Class. It filled both of your general education requirements, or at least thatâs what you told him was your reasoning. It had taken him weeks to get you to admit that you believed in Aliens and even longer to admit that the class really wasnât a joke to you.Â
The two of you were paired up for most of the semester, spending time whispering in class and making jokes about how deranged the content was. Even if it did open your eyes up to the whole Tau Ceti system.Â
You remember the last day of class so vividly. It was your final presentation and Ryland had taken it upon himself to get you these dumb matching shirts reading, âThis gal believes in aliensâ paired with âthis guy probably is an alienâ. It was stupid. And it was so perfect.
The thought made you smile, only for a second, before the nerves of it all settled back in.Â
There was too much there, floating, left unsaid. And it scared the shit out of you.Â
Before you could even fully prepare, the doors opened, your body moving in autopilot as Eva Stratt led you into the room. There you were, suddenly standing in front of what felt like a million eyes, all looking to you like you had answers. You had to remind yourself not to do the whole fish thing again as you just awkwardly gave a small wave, trying hard to keep your mouth shut. What am I doing?  You were a waitress at an alien themed restaurant, not a scientistâŠat least not anymore.Â
Stratt introduced you to the room, briefly detailing your credentials to be here. You had kept your gaze straight, scared to look in either direction, straight was safe, straight was easier. You had imagined what it would be like seeing him again, more times than you would ever like to admit, and this was nowhere close to what you thought it would ever be. In a room surrounded by some of the world's most important people.Â
âThis is Dr. (last name),â you hadnât been referred to as that in a whileâŠand you could not lie, it felt kinda good. âShe has researched the Tau Ceti system most of her career and will help us identify why exactly the Tau Ceti star is the only one not losing energyâ
Great. They really loved leaving out the important details. You knew the star, probably more than the back of your hand but there was still immense mystery to it.
âAnything you want to share, Doctor?â Stratt finished, turning the room over to you and you made the one mistake, moving your head. There, at the left end of the table was him, Dr. Grace. Not an email, not a letter or postcard, not a lingering memoryâŠno it was really him, looking at you. Every emotion you had ever felt about him hit you at once in a way that made you want to grab on to the nearest wall so as to not crumble to the ground. Ryland, your Ryland, the same one you remember, albeit a little older, a little more tired. Your heart stuttered for a moment, actually stuttered, like it too had forgotten how to function. And all you could do was muster a small wave. Nothing could have prepared you.Â
You had spent years pretending that he wasnât the sun of your own personal solar system. It turned out that was much easier when he was not standing feet away from you, his glasses practically falling off his face.
You swallowed, mouth running dry. And funny as it was, after all the years, after all the anticipation and wondering, your body eventually went back to the familiar state it always did when it saw him. You softened. Your heart beat steadied and your breathing returned to something much more normal.
Stratt cleared her throat, your eyes snapping back to hers.
âUmâŠTau Ceti is⊠pretty dang cool,â you finally choked out, the people around the room sharing looks between each other. â...Thank youâ.
Sporadic, unsure claps filled the room as you took a step back, ready to smash your head through the nearest wall. You did not lie, Tau Ceti was pretty freaking cool. But you were sure that was not what the Patrova Taskforce really needed to hear from you at that moment.Â
âThank you,â Stratt said, a slight shake of her head, before she gestured towards the empty chair in the one section of the room you had planned on avoiding for at least a little longer. You tried to ignore her before one of the men in suits began to guide you there himself.
Each step you took felt heavy, like your body was trying to stop you. But there was the other part, your heart racing in anticipation, in want. This was what you had wanted, your work hadnât been the same without him. You two brought out a fire in each other, seeing the best in the mess of crazy ideas the two of you brought to the table. The two of you.
As you walked down the table, a few of the other scientists took turns shaking your hand, welcoming you on board. Maybe your speech was not a total mess afterall. You hadnât even realized you had made it to the end of the table, his hand reaching yours before your brain could catch up.Â
âTau Ceti is pretty dang cool,â the familiar voice spoke. Your eyes immediately met his and you felt like the world had stopped for just a second. Every version of him you remembered and every version you didnât hit you all at once. Then you felt him squeeze your hand, his head slightly tilting. âEarth to alien girl?â
It was an odd feeling, seeing someone after so long. The memory of him was hazy until that very moment. You had tried so hard to remember the shade of his eyes and the way they kinda squinted up when he laughed. You had tried to commit those things to memory, tried to live through the pictures, but nothing compared seeing them in-person, in front of you.
You tried to form words, frozen in place, only coming back to reality as Stratt began to talk once more. You quickly sat down, pulling your hand from his and forcing your attention forward.
There were a few seconds where neither of you spoke, ignoring the weight of his eyes on you. You were supposed to be professionalsâŠsince when were you ever professionals? You were on a boat, with the world's best scientists, saving the planetâŠnext to your best friend. And somehow, that felt like the most overwhelming part. You were sure your brain would eventually catch up one day, the shock fading with every minute that passed.
Then he slightly shifted in his chair, âPretty dang cool?â he asked, just loud enough for you to hear, just like the two of you used to do in those alien class lectures. A smile grew on your face, one you tried to bite back.
âI panicked,â you whispered back, eyes still focused forward on Stratt, nodding along to words you werenât even hearing. You didnât have to look at him to know he was smiling too.
The silence again, the silence of years of pushing off visits and ignoring the hard questions. It made you twitch slightly, racking your mind for anything to ease it.
âSo, are you the one responsible for the U.S. government pretty much knocking down my door this morning?â you whispered from the quiet, a slight quirk of your brow, gaze still set forward.Â
âGuilty,â he said, seeing him lift his hands in mock surrender in the peripheral of your vision. You could almost roll your eyes at how predictable the response was, slightly nudging his foot with yours under the table. He let out a quiet, breathy laugh, one you wanted to be the reason for forever.
âI didnât think you would come,â he spoke again, his words softer this time, real.
Those were the words that broke your focus, your head turning to meet his gaze, really meeting his gaze, for the first time.
âKinda didnât have a choice,â you replied, half-joking, the other half completely honest, thinking back to the morning and the woman who was now commanding the room. Then you smiled, looking back at him, âBut I would have come regardlessâ.
Even if you still werenât exactly sure what all this was, what you had somehow signed up for. Even if it made you question who you were, why you were hereâŠwhat you were to him.
You looked down to your lap. You were among the greats because Ryland Grace said you should be. You were not quite sure yet if that was reassuring or terrifying.
âItâs gonna be like old times, huh?â he added, as if it would make it all easier. âYou know, you and me, figuring things out, putting the pieces togetherâ.
Fuck. That did not make it any easier.
The meeting breezed by in a blur, words flying all around you as you tried to catch up to speed with what exactly was happening. You could pick out Petrova Line, Astrophage, Tau Ceti, among several other things you werenât quite sure on.Â
And then it was quiet. Just you and him, alone, in a room that now felt much too big. You both started talking at the same time-
âSo-â
âHey-â
You stopped, laughed, apolgizedâŠtried again.
Then you did the exact same thing once more.
âOut of sync,â you joked, a quiet laugh, as the adrenaline wore off and gave way to a feeling you could not describe. You knew him but then again, it had been years. It was finding the balance between an old friend and a stranger.Â
âItâs been a little bit, huh?â he added, hands digging into the pocket of his jeans. You finally got a glimpse of his shirt, a science pun you were sure he was so excited to show his class of middle schoolers.Â
âYeah, just a little bit,â you added, feeling exposed now without the other people in the room, the slightest bit bitter that it had taken all this to see him again. But then again, who really was to blame for that? You looked down at the ground for a second, shuffling your feet against the floor, racking your brain for anything.
 âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him. âWhy me?â
He quickly pulled away, as if he was shocked into motion, a wild look on his face, you almost started laughing.
âWhat?â he gasped out, dramatic as ever.
âWhat do you mean âwhatâ?â you countered, slightly shoving him in the chest. âWhy am I here, dumbass?â
âHey, so first, we are not cursing anymore,â he scolded, his voice morphing into something you only imagine came from years of teaching. âSecond, you are the only person I know who would be crazy enough to show up hereâ.
He shrugged as if it all was nothing, that dumb smile on his face, as he began to move towards the door. âAnd you would kill me if I got to research Tau Ceti and you didnât get the inviteâ.
You wanted to interject, fight it, but you knew, deep down somewhere, that Ryland never stopped knowing you and you never quite stopped loving him.Â
âYou just gonna stand there?â he asked, already at the door, holding it open. âOr are we gonna do some science?â
It really was like no time had passed between college and nowâŠwell if you ignored the millions of dollars worth of equipment now at your complete disposal. Itâs funny, the way the body reverts back to old habits. The way Ryland and you moved in the lab was your own sort of rhythm, brains connected in a way that seemed almost superhuman. You needed to grab a tool, he dropped it on your desk before you could even move. He had a question, you were answering it as the question left his mouthâŠthen he would smile at you and roll his eyes and go back to his work. It should have felt different after all this timeâŠand it just didnât. It was dangerous. And it was so wonderful.
The Vat, or Stratts Vat as everyone began to call it, was a hodgepodge of every science you had ever dreamed of. You could talk to a biologist from across the world and then suddenly meet an engineer who happened to be from your hometown. For a while you pretended that this wasnât what you wanted, you ached to go back to what was safe and comfortable. But as you stood there, another day on the boat, you realized that maybe this is what you had been waiting for. You were researching again, being curious, all the things your younger self could have only dreamed of.Â
Your days were mostly spent with Ryland, the two of you poking at astrophage while you dug through old research papers you had on Tau Ceti. Your presentation was coming up, only revealed to you a few mornings ago by Dr. Stratt. She had come into the lab early, you had just woken up, believing it to be a perfect time to tell you that you would be addressing the taskforce with any details you had on the planet system. You sat there, swiveling back and forth in your chair, your sidekick on the other side of the room jumping up and down about a new development in Astrophage breeding.
âI wish I had your energy right now,â you groaned out, shuffling through your notes.
âTau Ceti not treating you well?â he asked, peaking his head around a shelving unit that slightly blocked your view. âDid you try taking it out to dinner first?â
All you could do was flip him the finger, scribbling notes at the same time. âYou think I havenât tried that yet?â
He let out a laugh, coming around to stand behind where you were sat working. You had been really trying, but there were some things that just needed to be seen to be understoodâŠand one of those was Tau Ceti. You had theories, tons of them, hopefully enough to be of help.
âShe is still my greatest mystery,â you admitted, turning your chair to face him.
âWell Rome was not built in one day,â he looked at you, a serious look on his face regardless of the word choice. âAnd Tau Ceti is not gonna be understood that quick either".
You let your head dramatically fall to rest on the desk, quietly groaning into the sleeves of your jacket. Then you felt Rylands hands on your head gently shaking it.
âHey,â he began, a laugh already escaping him, you mentally preparing yourself for whatever he would be saying next. âRemember they used to call you the brain!â
âUh, you used to call me the brain,â you retorted, lifting your head up and shoving his hands away. âand it was and still is stupidâ.
He grabbed your head once more, shaking it around, âCâmon use the brain, I know it is in there somewhereâ.
You turned to glare at him, his lopsided smile making it hard for you to be upset at anything. The energy settled down, the man leaning back against the desk across from you.
âDo you think this is all gonna work out?â you spoke up, looking back to your notes. âTau Ceti and the Astrophage and all of it?â
âI donât know,â he admitted, blunt and honest. âBut beats sitting around and waiting for it to solve itselfâŠar at least that it what I choose to tell myselfâ.
You just nodded, letting him fade back into his work as you faded back into yours. If Tau Ceti wasnât enough, the constant push and pull between Ryland and you was. You told yourself to keep it easy, to ignore it, all those dumb feelings squashed down from college that threatened to bubble over any second. You buried yourself in your work, that was easiest. But there would be nights where you would fall asleep at your desk and wake up to a blanket thrown over you. Or mornings when the mess you left in the lab were cleaned upâŠand there would be Ryland, a small wave and a smile, doing a âcheersâ with his coffee mug. You could not let yourself read into it, because then it would be all the much harder to eventually pull away.Â
The presentation day had come in a blur, you now standing once again in the front of that room, papers gripped so tightly in your hands. You were never good at the presenting part of it all. In the bustle of the room you were able to find him, him waving his hands above his head to get your attention. You smile, he shot over two giant thumbs up, and all you could muster was one half as enthusiastic one back. You turned to look through your notes when he caught your eye again, pointing at his head and mouthing âthe brainâ, which you could only roll your eyes in response, a quiet laugh fighting its way out of you.
âAlright everyone,â the powerful voice of Eva Stratt entered the room, coming to stand beside you in front of the projector screen. âAs you know, Dr. (LAST NAME), has been working hard gathering information on Tau Ceti, which will be our final destination for this tripâ.
Everyone around the room turned their full attention to you as the women gestured to you and took a seat. Deep breath.Â
Your heart was jumping in all sorts of directions, as you fidgeted with the clicker, trying to get the presentation to flip to the next slide.
âHi,â you began.
âTau Ceti, it is pretty dang cool!â Ryland called out from the back, heads turning to him, him once again shooting the thumbs up.
âUh, yesâŠas Dr. Grace put it, "Tau Ceti is really âdang coolâ,â some of the scientists laughed at that, the stress easing the littlest bit off your shoulder. You began clicking through slides, diagrams of the systems and the potential planets in its orbit. âThank you for your enthusiasmâ.
You took one last deep breath before diving right in, trusting yourself and the years of work you had put into this already.
âWhat makes Tau Ceti so interesting, while not an exact match, is that it has the potential to be the closest relative to our own solar system,â you began. âWhich means, there is a great likelihood of it supporting life or even already having life within it.â
âNow we know that the Tau Ceti sun is the only star to have not been impacted by the Astrophage, however what is harder to understand is exactly why,â you continued, switching to the next slide, getting into a rhythm. It was easy when it was your whole life's passion. âWhich is why our mission is going there, to better understand itâŠhowever I have some theories that could be useful to prepare our travelers for what exactly might be going onâ.
There was first, the idea that the spectral output on Tau Ceti did not match that of what Astrophage was looking to feed on. However the spectral output is very similar to the Sun so it would have to be significantly off to be a problem, which was unlikely. Along with this, there could be some sort of natural defense, like dust specific to that atmosphere. However, the most exciting idea was that of evolutionary pressureâŠanother lifeform that could be eating away at the Astrophage to keep it in balance. While so extremely far fetched, it was the one that made you the most excited to get the data back from the scientists on the Hail Mary. It could change everything that scientists know about that system.
âBut the honest answer is, we donât know until we get up there and bring back some samples,â you closed out. âNow we do have to be aware that this planet is around twelve lightyears away from usâ.Â
You were in a rhythm now, comfortable enough to really look up and around at the people in the room, several of them taking notes and nodding along. âWhich means we are kinda looking at it in the past. The light we are seeing right now left Tau Ceti twelve years ago. Which is incredible, but there is the risk that this system is already gone or changed and we wouldnât know until we get thereâ.
âHowever,â you flipped to your final slide. âThe data we are able to gather from here points to strong evidence that this system is very alive and this trip will not only open doors for Astrophage but open up a world to an entirely new solar system that could be inhabited by human lifeâ.
You clicked again, the slideshow coming to a close, âAnd, uh, yeah that is it from meâŠthanks guysâ.
The sound of applause filled the room and you finally felt like you could actually breathe again rather than having to remind yourself to. Your face hurt from smiling, looking around the room, taking it in. You imagined your younger self, sat with her big telescope and book of constellations in a chair in the back. She is smiling, the biggest smile you have ever seen. She knew all those late nights would eventually pay off. Even after your original Tau Ceti lab fell through, even when you couldnât find a job and ended up at an alien restaurant, even when your door got busted down by Eva StrattâŠall those days led to this moment, right now. You wished you could go back and tell the girl in college that it would be okay, that she was enough, that one day she would do big things. But eventually she would learn and that made it all the more worth it.
And there was him too. You found his eyes in an instant, it seemed to be the first thing your body did. It was an old habit, one you could not break, nor really wanted to. He was beaming, an ear to ear smile, waving at you like you had just accomplished something so incredible and not just given a presentation. You made your way towards him, your bodies drawn together like magnets. However with each step you took, you felt like you were being pushed further and further away as people began to come up and shake your hand or ask you questions. Further and further until he faded away in the back of the crowd, now a lone hand stuck up above the crowd trying to get your attention. A thumbs up and you knew everything was gonna be okay.
----------
You were sitting at the bar, hot off the mic with Ilyukhina, who had forced you up against your will. The slight buzz in your head was enough to make you cave, you were sure that was the whole reason Ilyukhnia had insisted on getting you a few drinks at the start of the night. All of it leading to a horrific and yet kinda beautiful version of âSpace Oddityâ by David Bowie âŠit felt fitting.
She had bought you a final drink as a thank you, one you were nursing now, looking around the room. Grace had stayed late in the lab, normally you were there too, but the others in the lab had started to joke that you hated fun and you were determined to prove them wrong. You were fun! Very Fun.
You hadnât been down to the bar before, didnât quite understand how people could celebrate knowing what was approaching. You werenât even on the ship and you could barely get your brain to settle at night enough to fall asleep. The room was full of people, singing, laughing, leaning into each other and finding comfort. It made you smile, maybe made this whole thing feel more real. It made the pit in your stomach worse.Â
Your eyes caught on DuBois, a drunk Shapiro leaning against his arm, the two of them laughing together, in their own world. Your gaze lingered, unable to pull away. The way they could laugh togethering knowing that DuBois would be gone, not set to return. They had people here, people they were leaving and for the first time that really hit you. You tugged your gaze away, looking back down to the bottle of beer in your hands, half emptyâŠit would stay that way. You couldnât help it though, like it was a piece of art, you found yourself looking back at the two of them. She looked at him with a quiet kind of intimacy, like the two of them could know what the other was thinking without speaking a single word. They moved in a perfect rhythm, a messy, beautiful rhythm. They werenât just leaving behind Earth, they were leaving behind their peopleâŠa chance at a normal life.
You were gonna be sick. Quickly you set your beer on the table and left the bar pushing through the groups of people singing until you were finally out onto the deck of the ship, cold wind smacking you in the face. You gasped for air, but no matter how much you took in, it still didnât feel like enough.
The ocean was dark ahead, it was like an abyss and as you looked up, you were met with the bright stars, their shine almost too bright with no other lights around to dim them. You felt so small, and in the grand scheme of things you were, and it both terrified you and brought you some peace.Â
Your grip was tight on the railing, it almost hurt. You needed to be stable, grounded, anything-
âHey,â a familiar voice approached from behind, your body tensing before slowly relaxing. You didnât have to turn back, just slightly nodded your head, an invitation.Â
âHey,â he repeated himself, this time softer, as he came around to your side, gripping onto the railing next to yours. âEarth to alien girl?â
âI thought you were working late?â you spoke up, anything to take your mind off earlier, get rid of the image of people who would never see each other again.Â
âThe lab gets kinda lame without a certain scientist analyzing everything I do,â he joked, but you could not get yourself to laugh. âI love your analyzingâŠthatâs uh, thatâs what I meantâ.
It was almost a compliment, a small smile crept on your face that quickly faded out as another gust of wind hit you, the waves crashing below you. The two of you sat there in silence for longer than you ever had before.
âYou okay?â he broke from the silence, turning his head to look at you.
You nodded, âJust coldâ.
He nodded back, unconvinced you could tell, as he began to reach for his jacket regardless. You did not fight him on it, you were cold, maybe it would help. The chunky fox cardigan draped over your shoulders as he absentmindedly buttoned the top to keep it from falling off of you. You mumbled a quiet âthank youâ, bundling into the thick yarn.Â
âSo are you gonna tell me what is really wrong?â he spoke again, him still standing in front of you, adjusting the sweater so it covered you. You met his eyes, his head slightly tilting.
âHave you seen Dubois and Shapiro?â you finally allowed yourself to speak your thoughts into the air.Â
He nodded, returning to stand next to you, leaning once again against the metal rails, "Yeah, they are definitely hooking upâ.
âNo,â You shook your head, âThereâs something more, you can see it in the way they look at each otherâ.
The silence met the two of you again, the waves below you getting louder and louder, them in their own conversation. You wondered if the waves too had problems like this, if they thought about the world and what they were meant to be. You felt nauseous, you chose to blame sea sickness. It hurt even more because maybe you wished he would look at you like that. You supposed that was your last tether to Earth, last tether from making you lose your mindâŠit seemed to be him.
âI just cannot imagine knowing the person that you loved was gonna be gone in a few days, just out in space, floatingâŠand you just never see them again. And you canât even do anything about itâ your voice slightly quivered, it was all too much. The several drinks in your system did little to ease your worry, you actually think it made it worse. âAfter I lostâŠafter my parents, I mean, it took so long to be okay with not getting a goodbye. But they, I mean Shapiro gets to say goodbye. How do you even say that kind of goodbye knowing they are out there and will die, alone?â
You hadnât realized how blurred your vision had gotten until you looked up, finding Rylandâs gaze, his eyes scanning your face. He had been there, in college, when your parents had passed, had sat up with you for weeks on end keeping you distracted, helping you stay on top of work when your world felt like it was ending.Â
He carefully reached to wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side, a silent kind of comfort, the kind you liked. You rested your head against his chest, melting into his touch, allowing him to be strong for you for a little. It made your head hurt, all of this and himâŠthere was always him.
You werenât sure how long it was before he spoke up again, you had counted at least twenty crashes of the waves against the boat. It seemed to be the only thing you could think about without falling apart.
âWhere do you see yourself after all this?â he asked, pulling you the little bit tighter against him. You were not in the headspace to dig into that, nor the question he was asking. Because where did you go? You were doing the thing you had worked your whole life for and then what? Back to the restaurant? Back to serving punny dishes named after planets and pretending you were fulfilled?Â
âProbably go home,â you began, your voice thin, a little shaky. âCanât keep the Extraterrestrial Eatery without their best server for too longâ.
It was supposed to be funny but it came out dejected. A quiet laugh escaped him at your words.
âThatâs not-â
âThatâs exactly what it is,â you cut him off, sharper than you meant it to be, gaze set down at your shoes, at the hem of his sweater, at anything that wouldnât make you think so much. âThatâs my life, Rylandâ.
Before this your life had been small, so minisculeâŠyour dreams seemed so far away. Now you were here, it was all right in front of you. You didnât even think you would ever get this close to studying Tau Ceti, all the resources right there for you to use.Â
âThisâŠall of this is everything I ever worked for,â you continued. âBeing here, doing things that actually matter, and then itâs just gonna be overâ.
The lab, Tau CetiâŠhim. You had grown so used to it, too comfortable and the feeling of it being torn away felt weird. But that was life, you would adjust, or you would try.
âIt doesnât have to be over,â he offered, trying to comfort the ache in your words. And it hit you, with a force that could have sent you overboard. Your head snapped up, looking at him, you opened your mouth to say something but stopped yourself.Â
âI gotta go,â you spoke, in a daze of sorts, his words replaying over and over in your head.
âHey, no. Come onâ he too stood up, no longer leaning against the railing. âTalk to me, I am here! We could go sing karaoke or something, be stupid, forget about itâ.
âYou hate karaoke,â you countered, already edging towards the stairs back down into the boat.
âMaybe I could like it?â
âI am gonna go to bed,â you turned back to him, lying through your teeth. You searched his face once more, took a mental picture of him standing right there, breeze blowing through his hair, glasses slightly tilted. He looked perfect.
âIt does not have to be over,â you repeated, more to yourself than to him, before ducking down into the stairs and back down the hall. You were sure he called your name but your body could not turn around. It could have been the alcohol in your system. Maybe you were losing your mind. Maybe it was a little bit of both, but your feet carried you right to Dr. Strattâs office.
You didnât even knock, pushing open the door, her head snapping up from the silence. Her eyes slightly narrowed, you standing there in the doorway, trying to catch your brain up to your movements.Â
âTake me instead,â you blurted out, desperate.Â
The woman did not react right away, just studied you, like she was weighing something you couldnât see.Â
âI have nothing keeping me hereâ.
At least, almost nothing. Â
âI have worked my whole life for this,â you continued, words spilling out of you before you could even really think them through. âTau Ceti is my everything and now I am here. And I can do it, I want to do itâ.
You swallowed, a shaky breath, so loud in such a quiet room.
âI need toâ.
You stood there, feeling so small in the doorway, waiting for something, anything that would confirm that you werenât making a mistake. Doctor Stratt just nodded her head, short and direct, like she always was.
âGo get some sleep Doctor,â and you just nodded back, your brain going completely silent for the first time that night.
--------
When the explosion happened a few days later, it was all the justification Eva Stratt needed. The day had been a mess, the loss of those doctors devastating, the power of Astrophage even more extraordinary . There was no time to even process though, as just as quickly as it had happened, Dr. Stratt had pulled you into a conference room. The plans moved fast, there was no time to delay with launch day approaching. You agreed as quickly as it was proposed, Ilyukhnia sending you small thumbs up from across the table.
The explanation was a blur. The coma, the four year trip, the three hours until you would have to be ready. Three hours before your life changed forever. That was all it took for everything to become real. But you nodded along. You had a duty now, not only to yourself but to Dubois and Shapiro and all of humanity. For Ryland Grace and his students, for the young girls out there dreaming of studying the stars. It would all be worth it, for them. It had to be.
You made your way back towards the lab, moving in a sort of hazy trance. You were allowed a few personal items to bring with you on the ship, most of the ones you wanted to bring were stored on the shelves of your desk. A picture of you and Ryland at a weird alien museum your class had gone to. A photo of you with your parents on move-in day at college. Your favorite book. A journal of your personal notes. And that stupid alien shirt.
You smiled, piling the items into a box you kept in the lab, when the door came rattling open.Â
Ryland Grace came stumbling into the lab practically lit on fire, out of breath, a million emotions on his face. You knew it before he even spoke the words.
âWhat are you doing?â he asked in a panic, searching your face, his eyes shooting in every direction, him taking steps closer to you.
âI donât-â
âNo, you arenât doing this,â his stopped you. âWhat are you doing? They canât just take you?â
âI volunteered,â you countered back, simple, straight to the pointâŠit would make it easier. You turned back to the box, finishing placing the items, scared what looking back at him would do. He was quiet behind you and that hurt the most. Maybe it hurt because of the quiet, maybe it hurt because he didn't have more to say.
âThis is it for me,â you said, still facing the box, busying yourself with organizing and reorganizing the objects, anything to keep from facing the truth. âI have studied Tau Ceti my whole life and now I am going to see it, I am going to help save this planetâ.
âYou donât know that,â he bit back. âI mean we can hope but you have no idea if this is even gonna work-â
âBeats the alternative,â you countered.
âAnd what's the alternative?â
That made you turn, you finally facing him. He looked so tired, a mix of confusion, anger, sadness⊠somehow all at once.Â
âThis,â you admitted. âGoing home to that apartment, living through pictures of a better time while I work that shitty job. Thatâs not living, that is not how I am going to live!â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You didn't have the heart to tell him that you hadn't planned on saying goodbye to him at all. It was wrong, you knew that, selfish, but you couldnât get yourself to do it. He was your last tether to Earth and it was growing thinner and thinner.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air and he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word. You had no more fight left in you, no words left to say, nothing he could do that would change your mind. He was too stuck in his ways, too stubborn. You grabbed the box, looking at him once more, before you shoved your way past him and out the door of the office. It was quiet, too quiet down that hallway and when you looked back he was looking at you and you just gave him a smile, a small oneâŠI will learn to forgive you.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
----------
The first thing you realize is that you cannot open your eyes, like they are glued shut. You squeeze them a couple times, blinking over and over until they finally force themselves open.
So bright!
You should have just kept them close. You blink a few more times.
Then you realize that you canât move, and not because your arms are stiffâŠno, there is a giant, what you could best describe as, plastic bag wrapped around you.
âEye movement detected,â you practically jump out of your skin at the sound disrupting the silence. The voice is clean, almost inhuman, as it once again repeats its previous statement.Â
You try to move your arms, nothing. Your legs, nothing. Your fingersâŠjust a little bit. The feeling of helplessness crashes all over you at once as you come to the slow realization that this was not just a bad case of sleep paralysis.Â
Before you could even begin to make sense of it, a giant robotic hand swept across your vision, reaching down to unzip the human sandwich bag you were being trapped in. Now was your change, you shifted your weight as much as you could side to side until you rolled and made contact with the hard floor. A groan escaped you, the only sound you could really get out.
What the actual fuck?
There are tubes, connected in places you didnât even know were possible. But nothing was as alarming as the realization that you had no idea where you wereâŠno idea who you were. You looked around in a panic, trying to worm around off the ground, the robot hand stopping you in your place, lifting you off the ground and placing you back onto the table. You left out a mix of muffled objections, the most you could musterâŠyour vocal chords were somehow still waking up. The computer acted before you could even protest, removing all the tubes, sensations you had never felt before and hoped to never feel again. At least, you assumed you had never felt them before.Â
You saw it as your chance, the robot hand busy putting the tubing away, you jumping off the table and immediately crumbling to the ground.Â
âFuck!â the sound surprised youâŠyou were making progress. Using the little strength and feeling in your limbs that you had, you scooted and crawled across the floor. Where was the door? Your head snapped back and forth, up and- There it was, on the ceiling, of course it was. The ladder connected to it seemed daunting but what choice did you have.
The robot spoke again, speaking a name, or you assumed it was, âdetected, aliveâ.
It must have been your name, huh, you didnât completely hate it. You continued to move across the floor, slow, scared that the robot arm might just yank you right back into the air.Â
âMovement detected in the dormitory," the robotic voice spoke once again, causing you to speed up. It was trying to blow your cover, ruin your plan. Who knew, there might be a whole army of robots up there ready to get you. With each scoot across the floor, the feeling in your limbs began to find itself again. By the time you reached the ladder you were able to somewhat pull yourself up, each step getting harder and harder. You were tired, even if it seemed you had just woken up from some coma-like situation. You reached the top, banging the door over and over until it eventually popped up.
Reaching the top, standing on solid ground again was a feeling you had a new respect for. Then you turned your headâŠand you came to the jarring realization that you werenât on solid ground at all. A giant window looking out into the great plane of starsâŠyou were in space. You took slow, cautious steps towards the window, scared that you might somehow get sucked out.Â
It was beautiful, you were at a loss of words for a reason other than your inability to talk.Â
âHoly shoot,â a voice spoke from behind you, you stumbled slightly turning around, throwing your hand up in defense. âYou are awakeâ.
âAm I?â you asked, genuinelyâŠyou wouldnât have been shocked if you had died and were now in some weird waiting room.Â
The look on the man's face was one of relief and that was enough to slowly allow your hands to fall back to your side. He seemed slightly more put together than you were, except for the glasses titled slightly on his faceâŠthough he made no move to readjust them. Maybe he was an alien and that was how they wore their glasses? Were you an alien too?
âWhere am I? What is this? WhatâŠâ you trailed off, once again catching a glimpse of the stars. The feeling was hard to explain, like you were floating in your own head, nothing there but faint blurry glimpses of something that you knew came before this. But no matter how hard you fought, you could not get yourself to decipher the memories. âI canât remember whatâŠâ
He nodded as you spoke, and you knew he understood. You couldnât understand, but your body softened slightly, your heart beat became steady and your breathing returned to something much more normal.Â
âI, uh, I woke up a couple days agoâŠin that room,â he tried to explain, looking as if he too was piecing it together in real time. âWhere do I even startâŠâ
You stood there, helpless, waiting for something.
âWe are in space,â you rolled your eyes at his words, pointing out at the window next to the two of you. âOh right, well, just clarifyingâ.
âAnything else genius?â you didnât mean to come across as on edge but you were confused and hungry and annoyed that your brain could not do what it was meant to do.
âWe arenât in our own solar system,â he spoke again, finally with some seriousness to his tone, you perking up and meeting his gaze. âWe are, according to the map in the control room, in the Tau Ceti system about twelve lightyears away from Earthâ.
He trailed off on the last word, giving you a second to absorbâŠbut you were not a sponge and your brain was rejecting all of it. It made no sense, it was insaneâŠbut so was the giant robotic arm that picked you up earlier.Â
âWe were sent here for a reason,â he finished. âI just am not sure what exactly that is yetâ.
He then paused, a long pause, like he was choosing his next words carefully, âwe were sent in a group of fourâ.
âOh,â you looked up at him, a feeling of relief washing over you, maybe they knew more, maybe they had been awake for longer. âWell, letâs just go pick their brains?â
âThey didnât make it,â he added, the words sitting heavy in the air.
You just nodded, unsure of what to say, scared of how it would all feel once your memories began to trickle back like his were.Â
Would they have been your friends? Would the grief hit you later? The words sat weird in your stomach, even weirder knowing that there was a time where you knew everyone on this ship, there was a time where you knew why you were there. People who were your friends and now it was just you and strangers, chosen by some sort of fate to survive.Â
âWhat happened to them?â
âWhat am I? Your magic eight ball,â he joked, a weak attempt at trying to lighten the moodâŠyou hated that it made you smile the way it did. âDonât fight it, I know it was funny.â
âOh wait, the memories are coming backâŠâ you pretended to think, before letting a blank look spread on your face. âYouâre an assholeâ.
He threw his arms in mock defense and you werenât sure why but it all felt so natural.
âI found some vodka earlier,â he offered up, a shitty solution, a temporary one for sure, but a solution nonetheless.
âWe brought vodka?â you paused. âAt least we know we had funâ.
He laughed and you laughed too, anything to keep you from thinking about what this all was, what this meant and how exactly you get back to Earth from twelve light years away.
The man, who you learned was named Ryland Grace, took you around the rooms he had already spent time exploring. The labsâŠso you were scientists? Then the controls, and the space suits and the shelves of equipment that you could not even begin to understand. He eventually showed you a small closet, one containing boxes labeled with four names, pulling the one with yours on it down.Â
In yours were some picturesâŠone of the two of you, so you were friends? Maybe? You should go with friends for now. Then a picture of two older individuals stood next to you, in front of the sign of a collegeâŠthey must have been your parents. Did they know you were up in space? Did they send you up here? The thought made your head hurt so you stopped, tucking it away, it was for another day. There were too many questions floating as is. Then the shirt, a giant shirt that confused that shit out of you even more. You took it out of the box, holding it up to show him and the two of you just burst out laughing.Â
âSo I have bad taste in clothing?â you asked, trying to regain your breathing, him wiping away the tears from his eyes.Â
âYou should see some of the other clothes people brought,â and those words were just the start. Too much vodka flowing through your system, the two of you found comfort in trying on stupid hats and shirts packed throughout the ship. At some point you found yourself collapsed on the floor with him, laying there, the bag of alcohol laying between the two of you.
You talked for hours that nightâŠwell you assumed it was night, trying to hypothesize about who the two of you might have been. Were you smart? Where had the two of you met? Were you friends? Somewhere in your mind you felt like there was something else there. But you did not want to dig there, when you tried your head would just pound right back. So you laid there, accepting the silence of space, accepting that none of it made sense.
âI am glad I am not alone,â he spoke up from the silence, so quiet you might have missed it.
âI am not sure why, but I feel like we were meant to do this together,â you replied, turning your head to the side to look at him.
He was already looking at you with a soft smile on his face. Tomorrow you would wake up and it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were wearing an alien shirt and laying beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home.
This means more than you know! i always want the reader to feel real and like she exists in her own world as well! AHHH I LOVE YALL, thanks for the love, more coming soon I promise :)
okay......thoughts on an old west AU with Bradley Bradshaw where reader is the daughter of the mayor and promised to marry the deputy sheriff, then she meets Rooster (an outlaw and wild cowboy her father had always warned her about) and together then uncover the illegal dealings of the mayor and the town?
Enemies to lovers, forbidden love, forced proximity....all my favs! anyone interested?
I also have a knight x princess enemies to lovers AU cookin (just haven't picked who to put in for that yet)
part two of 'my place is among the stars (with you)'
ryland grace x reader
In which your world has not been the same since you woke up on that ship with ryland grace. and it would never be the same again.
or
you wake up in space with a stranger and slowly piece together why he doesn't really feel like a stranger at all.
word count: 14.6k (it just kept getting longer!)
content warning: again some (a lot of) inaccurate science, some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, mention of parental death, miscommunication trope, idk they kinda makeout a little I suppose (bring back the art of a makeout for real), rocky being a menace and so much angst I am sorry!! (but also mega fluff so push through)
a/n: I am so overwhelmed by peoples support and love for the first part! I posted because I loved these characters and you guys have made me fall back in love with writing and sharing work. I appreciate all your patience, I had to pick up some crazy work hours this past week. but I hope you enjoy and I cannot wait to keep writing for you all! (I lowk hate the ending but yolo)
I love these two so much and would love to keep writing for them. lmk if you would like a part three or any other small blurbs about Ryland and Alien Girl!
There was a heaviness in the air, an almost uncertainty. The woman infront of you is so focused.
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she spoke up, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
The memory shoots you up from where you slept, leaving you gasping for air, hands clenched tight in your sheets. Ryland and you had been taking shifts, one sleeping, one monitoring the flight path set for Tau Ceti. However you had been going in and out of consciousness for hours. The memories just kept coming, so fragmented that they did little to help you understandÂ
Funny enough, the easiest part of all this to swallow had become that fact that you were in space. Because it was obvious, clear, right in front of you. Every other question felt endless, every answer felt hollow. Some memories were helpful, and others had sent you spiraling, unable to sleep for a few days.
It had been a few days ago when you woke up from sleep to a memory of your parents, the knock on your door from the RA of your dormâŠthat they were gone. The grief felt so heavy, yet so misplaced, for people that were vague shadows in your mind. That hurt you the most, that you could not recall these peopleâŠpeople you knew deep down were so good. Ryland had sat with you that night, silence between the two of you, no words good enough to mend what had happened.
Then came the flashes to a time before the ship. Bits and pieces of labs full of equipment that you somehow knew the names of, a flash to a jet sweeping through the air, a paper bag being your best friend in that moment. The two of you had come to each other in a sort of unison one night, both yelling the word Astrophage and beginning to dig through the memories together. It was that night that you came to the realization that Ryland Grace was a genius and the two of you would not be returning home. Staring at the equation he had completed on the whiteboard, the two of you sat in a silence so loud it made you want to cover your ears. It was exactly enough Astrophage to get to Tau CetiâŠand none left to return. It was a suicide mission, the two of you had signed up to die. There had been a mutual understanding that night that if the two of you were gonna die you would die trying to solve the Astrophage problem, you owed it to the world, to yourselves. Though deep down your brain was far from ready to process that you would never be back to the normalcy of your home planet.
You glanced across the room, looking around for anything to ground you back to the present. The whiteboard caught your gaze, one the two of you had started to keep track of questions, checking them off when a memory came back to fill in the blanks.Â
Who are we? How did we meet? Friends? Enemies?
You had added the last part, you thought it was funny. But none of it felt so funny anymoreâŠhis last hope, the words pounded loud in your mind. Like two metal pans banging together over and over with no sign of stopping. There was something there, in that memory, a feeling of deep care, of admiration. He was someone you had left your life to help, he had asked for you to join his research. SoâŠyou must have been a scientist too? There were too many questions floating. At least you knew where you were going and what you needed to doâŠbut who were you? And why were you even here?
You pulled yourself out of bed, seeing no purpose in forcing yourself to try to sleep. Your sleep schedule significantly shifts when it looks dark outside at all hours. Wrapping yourself in a jacket you had found packed in one of the several boxes, you made your way to the ships controls, Ryland sat in his chair scribbling in a notebook.
âI think I was a scientist too,â you spoke from the quiet, that piqued his interest as he looked, a smile growing on his face.Â
âWere you as smart as me?â he asked, looking back to his notes, his usual tone.
âAm,â you corrected. âAm I as smart as youâŠand the answer is probably smarter. I am smarter than youâ.
You shrugged, as a burst of quick laughter came from him, his focus still on the notes. You moved around the room, taking in all the buttons, too many buttons. It had become normal, all these small memories popping in. It was like adding baseball cards to a collection, sometimes they were insane and other times they were mundane little additions that made the collection a little more unique. They were fun and sometimes not so funâŠbut details none the less, and you would take any your brain could muster to give back.
âWhat do you think is so special about this system?â Ryland spoke up, more to himself as he erased something in his notes. âThe Tau Ceti system was the only star not infected-â
âWell it could be a lot of things, you know?â you spoke, as if on autopilot, words escaping you before you could even fully process them. âI mean, it could be a difference in spectral output that the Astrophage doesnât want to feed on. Or, you know, evoluntionary pressure?â
He just stared at you, you just stared back.
He spoke slowly, eyes wide, âevoluntionary pressure?â
âYeah, the idea that another life form could be eating away at the Astrophage and keeping it balanced,â you answered, equally as confusedâŠthe tiniest bit excited, maybe more than tiny. âLike a predator, but that is pretty far fetchedâ.
He shook his head in disbelief, a smile on his face, murmuring unbelievable under his breath.Â
âSmarter,â you reminded, a shrug of your shoulders. You had felt so useless thus far, not that you hadnât been able to help but you werenât sure where you fit. Thatâs why it was all so exciting when you remembered that you studied Tau Ceti and you were gonna see it. You were sure the earlier version of yourself, the one who remembered it all would be freaking out at the fact. You wanted to find her, she was in there somewhere.Â
The silence returned again, it was however much louder in your own head.
âYou doing okay?â he spoke up, still focused, you still roaming the room, the two of you in perfect orbit. Thatâs what happens when you have no one else but each other, you are sure your brains may eventually murge into one. His jokes had become funnier, even if you knew they werenât and he had become a friend, more than someone you were forced to coexist with.
âYeah,â you spoke quickly, unsure what would happen if you let yourself dig deeper into the feeling.
He hummedâŠhe didnât believe you, you knew that. âCome on, letâs goâ.
He spoke it so casually, getting up from the chair and setting the notebook down.
âHey, so I am not sure if you realized, but we really donât have anywhere to go to,â your voice slightly trailing off, watching as he began to walk out into the hall. âRyland?â
âYou know you have gotten a lot more sarcastic lately and it's really taking a toll on this relationship,â he yelled from down the hall and you could do nothing but roll your eyes and trail behind him.Â
When you finally caught up to him, he was already shifting through settings in what you had begun to call âthat big room of screensâ and he corrected that it really was a âprojection deckâ...same fucking thing.
âWhatâs your favorite place in the world?âhe asked, turning his head to meet your gaze.
And you paused, really paused. You were sure that before all of this you would have been able to answer in a second but now you were drawing a complete blank.
âIâŠI donât know,â you spoke up, quieter, honest, and it was a scary thought, to not know the smalles thing about who you were, what you liked.
âJust think of something, make something up,â he pushed.
âFine,â you called up to him, before moving to join him up on the small platform. âUhâŠmaybe, the mountains?â
With a click on the small computer, the screens morphed into beautiful scenery of lush green mountains, the sound of the breeze flowing through the leaves filling the room. You took a seat, letting your legs slightly hang over the platform. He joined you. He pointed to a digital bird that flew across the screen, miming fake binoculars on his face with his hands, you just nudged him with your shoulder.
âWhere would you have picked?â
âProbably somewhere with fog,â he spoke up, looking at you. âI am pretty sure I am from San FrancsiosâŠthey got a lot of thatâ.
It felt like meeting someone for the first time, asking all those familiar questions. The two of you found yourself doing that on nights that were too quiet, asking things like favorite color or movie, making up the answers when you couldnât remember. Placeholders until the memory came back.
You nodded along, letting the two of you fall into a familiar comfortable silence. One you had to get used to with two strangers who had nothing to talk about because they were strangers to themselves. It made your stomach ache in that now all too familiar way.
Then he stood up, practically jumped from where he was sitting and reached his hand out to you, gesturing with his head.Â
âWhat?â you asked, genuine confusion on your face.
âUp,â he just said. âDance with me, come onâ.
You just began to shake your head, waving your hands at him.Â
âNo,â was all you said, turning to face forward, though a smile tried to force itself on your face.
He turned to the computer, you trying your best to remain uninterested but then he turned on a song and you felt like you had just gone down the hill of a rollercoaster.
âStop,â he yelled at you, which made you shhh him with a significant amount of aggression. The whole library had turned to look at him, throwing needles at him with their eyes.
âWhat?â he whispered back.
âWe are in the library,â you whispered back, just as aggressive.
âAnd you are freaking out about an alien presentation,â he deadpanned. You opened your mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again. âSee, even you know it's dumb.â
âItâs not dumb!â
âMaking a fake planet with a made up alien species where we decided they all dance to sort through political conflictâŠâhe drawled out the last word, a quirk of his brow, that dumb look he always did. You wanted to smack him.
âOkay, well,â when he put it that way.
âYes?â
You just rolled your eyes and turned back to the papers, sorting through all the details you had spent way too long on. You never did anything halfway, it was something you had followed your whole life.
âCome on,â he spoke up, standing and throwing his things in his bag in a way that made you cringe. "Letâs goâ.
âWhere?â your head shot up. âWe have an assignmet to doâ.
âNot in this state we donâtâ.
You just looked at him, a staring contest, him raising his brow up and down causing you to bury your head into the table. He then leaned down right next to your ear.
âUh, earth to alien girl,â he spoke, covering his mouth to sound like a plane speakerâŠor radioâŠyou werenât quite sure but it made you laugh. You quickly stopped yourself. âI heard the laugh. The jig is up, we are goingâ.
He did not wait any longer, heading out of the door, eyes following him as he left. You quickly stood up, without much hesitation, laying your stuff in your bag and running out after him. There he stood, outside, at the bottom of the steps to the library, phone turned up to the highest volume, playing your song. âThe Two of Usâ from the Beatles blasted, a song the two of you had come to associate with the other. He was moving in sporadic ways, akin to the way a dad does to embarrass their own kid.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you called down to him.
âSeeing if our alien system we set up works,â he called back, never breaking his messy groove. âCome on!â
It was hard to say no to him, his exictmnet so infectious, his care to make you smile being one of your favorute things about him. It had gotten you through a lot of long nights. So you dance, him spinning you around, you trying to dip him. Even when people walked by staring, it was just the two of you who existed in that moment. It was perfect, you never wanted to forget it. The joy of dancing with a person, your person. Maybe your alien planet was on to something.
You came back just as quickly, looking at him, really looking at him. It was like you had jumped into a memory, only now you were both older, more tiredâŠand potentially actually meeting aliens. You felt somewhat far away, in a daze, as he just waved his hand in front of you, waiting for you to take it.
âFor all I know, we could have actually hated each other,â he urged. âLet me keep the peace for a little bitâ.
âI donât think there is any world where I could hate you,â you replied, and you knew somewhere it was true, as you reached for his hand and he pulled you up.Â
The dancing was a mess for a while, the two of you laughing through the stupid moves. He did the one person wave at a certain point, one you eventually joined in on. Then you stumbled into his arms, him steadying you, holding you. And you just leaned into it, the feeling of safety, of knowing someone was holding you up when you felt so uneasy. His head gently rested on top of yours.Â
The two of you just swayed, the sound of the music mere background noise to the way your heartbeats became so loud. Thump. Thump. BEEEEEEEP
You jumped apart.
âApproaching Tau Ceti".
The two of you froze, two deers in the headlights. You hadnât considered what would happen when you actually reached Tau Ceti. For a while you were still sure this was some sort of bizarre dream.
Then, as if in sync, the two of you went into panic mode sprinting back down the hall to the control room.
â--
It was under controlâŠreally it was. You just were now floating in zero gravity and an alien ship was approaching.
Holy Fu- , wait you werenât cussing anymore, or thatâs what Ryland saidâŠHoly Fudge!
You stood there in awe, Ryland looked like he was turning a shade of pale that you had never seen before. The ship approached, getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it parked right beside the two of you. It was strange, practically glistening, made of shapes you never would consider for a ship. But all you cared about was that aliens were real and you had been right.
âI was right,â you whispered out, the revelation of it all taking you back.Â
âWhat?â he practically yelled, looking at you for some sort of answer.
You just turned to smile at him, two words, âalien girlâ.
The ship or Blip-A as the robotic voice continued to call it made itself known, so big it could swallow your ship up. There were a few moments where Ryland had tried to steer away, you gripped on to the back of the chair as he moved the ship back and forth. Then Blip-A would do the same thing. You went forward, their ship moved forward. You went back and they shifted back. It was like a game of Simone Says.
âWhat do you think it wants?â Ryland whispered, as if the other ship could hear, you turned your head and gave him a look. âWhat?â
âBlip-B approaching,â the robotic voice began, the two of you turning your heads in sync back to the screen. A small object was tumbling towards the two of you at an impressive rateâŠyeah okay maybe this was something to be worried about? But you couldnât help the curiosity that stirred in you, the want to understand those on the other ship, to learn their world, what made them happy. Well, if there was even anyone actually on that ship. Ryland went into a full panic mode you had gotten used to, you still gripping onto the pilot chair to stop yourself from floating too far away. You braced for impact, one that never game as the mental canister hit the side of your ship with a small DOINK.Â
âNot a bomb,â you corrected, Ryland could not tear his face away from the screen. âMaybe they are friendly aliens?â
âThere is no such thing as a friendly alien,â he bit back.
âWell, in our Alien class in college-â
He just glared at you once again, you smacked him on the head lightly with your hand, âMaybe they need helpâ.
âAnd maybe they want to inject us with eggs,â he looked at you like he had just said something profound.
âAnd you are a scientist?â you countered, a slight tilt of your head, still holding onto his chair.
The two of you watched for a while, just waiting for what was next. Maybe you were supposed to send something back. The two of you didnât have to wait long before the next âBlipâ was thrown, however this time much slower. They wanted the two of you to grab it, each move from them intentional.
âThey think we are dumb,â Rylan practically deadpanned.Â
âWell, we better prove them wrong,â you began, gaze intently on the small object tumbling through the air towards the two of you. You tuned your head slightly upwards, making sure your voice could be heard by your robot companion. âHow would we get to something like this?â
âNope, nope nope nope,â Rylands voice began to come back, shaking his hands at yoy.
âWould you like to take a space walk Dr. (Last Name)?â the voice spoke.
We were gonna die out here anyways, might as well do it all.Â
âYesâ you spoke up and Ryland said the opposite at the same time. You didnât even give him another look as you manuvered yourself down the hall, pushing against the wall to move, feeling so weightless. It was an odd feeling, one you had never experienced before and part of you was fine with maybe never expeirnecing it again. You were quick to find the set of spacesuits lining the walls, searching for one with your name on it. Now it became very clear how difficult it would be to get on but with the help of the computer voice you were able to find the manuel and squeeze your way inside.Â
In the middle of wiggling into the pants, Ryland came flying around the corner.Â
âWhat are you doing?â he asked, his voice in full panic. However, he too began to read the manuel, taking steps to pull the suit on.Â
âWe are taking a huge step in human history,â you replied, like it was the obvious choice. âFirst contactâ.
The two of you moved in a sort of connectedness, him putting on his suit because you said you would. It was how you worked, two people, trying to survive this all. And to do that, sometimes you had to do something insane and hope it worked. You stood in the tunnel now tethered to the inside of the ship, deprezerization happening around you as the door opened. You couldnât have been prepared, how could you? The image of the infinity of space before you made your heart ache and deep down you knew this was big for you. You moved forward until you were just at the edge, nothing but stars. You were about to take the step when Ryland Grace came flying into you, shooting the both of you out of the ship.Â
His grip on yours was tight, the two of you wrapped together as you drifted out into the stars. You looked at him, really looked at him, his glasses slightly tilted inside his helmet. You wished you could reach out and adjust them for him.Â
âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him.
You would unpack all of that later, the hug feeling even more familiar now, even more personal. You gently released your hands wrapped around him and nodded with your head back in the direction of the small object tumbling closer and closer.
He nodded, the two do your drifting back towards the ship until you could grip onto the rialing outside of it. In a sort of quiet understanding, Ryland tied your tethers around the railings so you could move up and down the hull of the ship without drifting too far.
âWho do you think's gonna get it first?â he spoke through the radio system within the suits. A challenge, you didnât have to even look to know he was looking at you with that stupid grin.
âWell I know itâs not gonna be you,â you bit back, eyes set on the object tumbling closer and closer.Â
Then he jumped and you did too, the two of you reaching for it, your hands getting closer and closer to the object until you were holding it tightly. You went to celebrate when Ryland Grace did it again, flying into you, this time on purpose, sending the two of you flying. You shut your eyes, grip on it so tight.
âI just sacked the quarterback,â he joked, grip still tight around you, the small cylinder pressed between the two of you, keeping you apart. Then you just laughed, laughed so hard you could barely breathe. Because you were in space, with a stranger you once knew, trying to catch an item from an alien ship and Ryland Grace had tackled you like it was football. And he laughed too, and for a moment, so small you could almost miss it, everything felt right. For a moment, a very small moment, you felt like you remembered him fully.
And when you looked at him, you knew he was someone important to you.
------
You sat at your desk, head propped up on your hand as you absentmindedly clicked your pen over and over. Enough that the sound began to fade into the background, anything to break the silence.
Procgess had been made in the past couple of days. Especially with the discovery of the centrifuge system. And then there was, of course, that other discovery. As in your new neighbor. As in, the alien.Â
You had yet to meet the guy but the new presence felt rather large. An alien ship had tethered themselves to your ship and you were sitting and clicking a pen for entertainment. You paused the clicking, glancing up at the camera psoitioned on your desk. Ryland thought it would be good to film logsâŠguess there was a first time for everything. Even if an alien encounter was not one of those things yet.Â
You reached up to hit a switch on the camera at the desk, watching as the red recording light began to blink on.Â
âHi, uh, I am sure RylandâŠor well, Dr. Grace has shared with you that we have made contact with an alien,â you began, leaning back in your seat. âI havenât yetâ.
A quiet laugh slipped out, the words sounded insane speaking them out loud.
âHe said he had to make the sacrifice just in case,â you explained. âBecause I know more about Tau Ceti than him so he would be less of a lossâ.
You shook your head at the idea, a smile tugging at your lips no matter how hard you tried to keep it off.
âWhich is-â you trailed off trying to find the word. â...kinda endearing if you really think about itâŠin a sort of messed up and terrifying kinda way?â
Your gaze dropped back to your hands for a moment before reaching for the pen. Click. Click. Click.
âBut I wouldnât really call him dying instead of me a success,â you were quiter now, gaze still set on the pen. âIâd rather not be aloneâ.
The words hung in the air, heavy. You had developed a mindset quickly on this ship, well after a lot of denial. You were dying. It was as simple as that, because there really was no other choice. And you would live like that, like there was no tomorrow. There was no time for hiding or being scared, it was a time for risks. It was a hard pill to swallow, sometimes that pill would get stuck in yor throat still no matter how hard you tried to wash it down with water.
You cleared your throat, setting the pen down. Your eyes drifted to the small figurine you had placed on your desk. The first time he had made contact he had returned with a small sculpture, a figurine that looked like two human shapes entangled in a hug, a tether tying them together. You were quick to realize it was the two of you when you had first entered space.Â
You smiled.
âNot like you guys arent great company,â you continued, gaze fixing back on the camera. âBut heâs kinda growing on meâŠjust donât tell him that, it will get to his head pretty quicklyâ.
The sound of footsteps caught your attention, your head turning, seeing Ryland now leaned against the entrance to the room. He acknowledged the camera with a nod, giving it an awkward wave, well more like a flick of his hand, before turning back to you.
âLetâs go,â he said, gesturing down the hall with his head before continuing in the direction.
No explanation. What was new? You turned back to the camera.
âHe does this a lot,â you admitted. âJust absolutely zero contextâ.
You looked back to see if he was there still.Â
âHe is not a perfect teammateâ.
âNot true,â his voice called through the ship.
You gave the camera a look, whispering a quiet, âthis guyâ.
âAnd grab your alien shirt!â he called out again and you quickly sat up in realization.
Oh. Oh Oh OH!
You snapped your head back to the camera, so fast that it made you dizzy for a second. Eyes wide, grin so big it was actively stretching your face. Reaching up, you clicked the switch for the camera, giving one last wave and then you lept into immediate action.
You found Ryland halfway in his suit, slightly struggling with one of the clasps, even so he refused to ask for any help, just giving a small thumbs up in your direction.
You were quick to grab your suit, attempting to catch up. But your hand shook with energy and you werenât sure where to place it or how to use it. Your skin felt like it was on fireâŠin the best possible way.
This was it.
This was really it.
You wrestled with the zipper for a second before pulling it up. As you stood back up, you came face to face with the man, him standing there holding your helmet, placing it on your head. With a click it secured and he tapped on it like it was a fish tank. You fliched slightly, shoving him back.
âAm I really a bad teammate?â he asked and as you looked at him you realized he wasnât fully joking.Â
You paused for a second, scanning his face,
âYeah,â you answered, flatly.
You just as quickly smiled and tapped back on the glass of his helmet, his eyes meeting yours.
âNot at all. I got pretty luckyâ.
The tension in his body slightly eased at that, a smile growing onto his face.
âI should have let you come the first time,â he admitted, beginning to walk down the hall. âYou are the alien expert. I am just some guy who was wrong about waterâ.
âEveryones wrong sometimes,â you replied, trailing behind him. âYou know, you kinda have to be every once in a whileâ.
At that, he glanced back at you.
âCanât find the right answer if there hasnât been a couple wrong ones,â you continued with a shrug of your shoulders.
The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, a growing understanding between the two of you. It was funny, you felt like you had known him your whole life. Maybe you had? Or maybe you just had been together for far too long on this ship with no one else but this guy and a camera. Either way, it could have been worse. You were happy with whoever decided they should send you up with the middle school science teacher.Â
When the door opened you were immediately blown back into the wall, you landing with a loud thud. A quiet groan escaped you. He had left that part out when he told you about his first encounter.
âHey, hey,â Ryland began, scooting over to you, hand gently placed on your shoulder. âYou okay? That has never happened beforeâ.
You just nodded, at a loss for words for the tunnel system in front of you. It was a hard thing to fully comprehend, that there was another life form existing in parallel to your own. One that could build tunnels that connect to your ship.
âGravity?â you just spoke up, standing to take a few steps into the tunnel, boots still connected to the ground.Â
âThis, uhâŠyeah this is new,â he replied, standing up from where he had fallen and walking to meet you. âJust be prepared, this guy is pretty jumpyâ.
You nodded, one again embracing the silence, taking in everything with each step. You knew Ryland was behind you, you knew he would be ready to help if anything were to happen. But you could not get yourself to be fearful, ever since Ryland brought back the small figurine, you knew this was not a harmful connection.Â
The end of the tunnel was made of different glass pieces, or something resembling glass, all creating different angles. You reached up, gently pressing your gloved hand to it, looking into the darkness behind it.
âI just, kinda tapped last time,â he offered, you smiled.
âVery scientific approach Dr. Grace,â you joked, glancing back at him.
A piece of you ached inside to feel how this would have felt having you remembered everything. But your body has not forgotten. Your body grew with energy, your heart thudding in your chest, your fingers practailly tingling, a smile so wide it could not be suppressed. You reached out and gently tapped on the wall and that's when you saw it, a small figure dash across your view.
You tapped on more time, soft, inviting, other hand still pressed to the glass. Then it appeared, a spider-like rock formation, slowly moving its way towards you. It stopped, moving its body in a way that reminded you of how a dog would tilt its head in interest and confusion. Then it reached out, a small hand placed against your palm, the glass being the only thing stopping full contact.
âDr. Grace showed me the figure you had made of us,â you spoke, quiet, not wanting to scare your alien neighbor. âThank you, it was beautifulâ.
The creature in response made a symphony of noises, as if you played all the chords of a piano at once. A quiet laugh of astonishment left your your head turning to glance at Ryland whose gaze was on you. A gentle smile and a thumbs up, his signature move.
There was a burn in your eyes, it was all so overwhelming. All you could do was laugh, unsure what to do with all the pent up emotion.Â
The alien made another sound before tapping on the glass. You tapped again, the two of you going back and forth until it let out an almost grunt. You paused, stopping. He tapped again in a direction behind you and you followed it.Â
âOh,â you breathed out, seeing another capsule. âIs that for us?â
The symphony of noise returned, the creature jumping around, moving erratically.
Ryland walked over to grab it before you could, coming to meet you by the glass, gently twisting it open. Inside was another modelâŠfigureâŠart piece? It was close in resemblance to a letter eight, small blue dots lining the exterior of the rings.Â
âWow,â Ryland, spoke up as you continued to admire it. âYeah, wow, I donât have anything like thisâ.
The way he sounded genuine made you break your focus to smile. It was sweet.
âWhat is it?â he asked, more quietly, turning back to you.Â
You could only shrug, trying to examine every angle of it. Everything so far had a meaning, but maybe this was the exception?
You looked back up at the alien, waving the art piece in his direction, âit is beautiful, thank youâ.
Ryland reached for it and you handed it over as he tried to place it on his head, âIs it a hat?â
The alien just grumbled in response, beginning to erratically tap again. You watched, trying to understand.
âMaybe a bow tie?â you asked, grabbing it from him and setting it against where the collar of his shirt would be.
The alien just continued to explode with sound and then you turned to watch him, really watch him. His two limbs reached up to tap his headâŠor you assumed it was head. He then gestured as if removing it, you slightly tilted your head.
âYou want us to take off our heads?â Ryland spoke up, confusion lacing his tone. âBuddy, I am not sure how it works for you but this is kinda all connectedâ.
You slightly glared at him, he just shrugged. Thank you captain obvious.Â
The alien once again repeated the actionâŠhead? No, OH, helmet, he was meaning helmet.
âOur helmets?â you asked and the alien bursted with even more sound. You glanced back down at the figure in your hand, the pieces starting to connect. He had made the tunnel adaptable for the two of you, there was gravity and now, there was oxygen.Â
You looked back up at Ryland, showing him the piece again, âitâs oxygenâŠits the symbol for oxygenâ.
âWhat?â he looked at you in confusion, taking the piece and turning it around. Then he held it up to the creature. âYou are clever buddyâ.
The alien just continued its explosion of emotion, once again repeating the gesture. You followed along, reaching up to unclasp the helmet when you flet a hand rest on yours.Â
âMaybe this isnât the smartest idea,â he said, quieter this time, sending a quick glance towards your neighbor before snapping back to you. âI mean, this is a life or death kinda choice hereâŠâ
âAnd we arenât already in a life or death situation anyways?â you bit back, he opened his mouth and then closed it. âI trust himâ.
âYou just met himâ.
âAnd he made us a sculpture, created gravity and gave me a high-five,â you pushed back. âMost guys I have met donât even open my car door for meâ.
âYou know, you just said something pretty profound back inside,â he countered, hand tighter on yours now to stop the movement. âYou said people can be wrong sometimesâ.
âWell I am notâ.
âWellâŠwe donât really know if this is just some weird hat he madeâ.
You just stared at him, he stared back, then slowly his grip released and he nodded.
âI wonât change your mind,â he took a few steps back, a look of uncertainty on his face, shown futher in the posture of his body. Alert. Stiff.
You gave him a nod of ressaunace and a thumbs up, his classic, before turning back to the alien. Gently reaching back up, you unclasped the helmet and began to pull it off. Your heart beat in your chest louder and louder and louder, your ribcage felt as if it was shaking.Â
Then you gasped, taking in the air and for a second panic filled you. You opened your eyes, gaze snapping to himâŠyou were breathing. You laughed in pure astonishment, the alien creature celebrating with you, and Rylan looked like he had just aged fifty years watching it happen.
It was late, the moons shining through the windows of the library, your desk in the corner lit by a small lamp. The usual, Ryland and you, there way too late. You flipped through your textbook, he stared at you in disbelief.
âYou totally think aliens are real, donât you?â Ryland spoke up from across the table you were studying at, finishing up notes for the class you shared.
âWell,â you stumbled for the right words. It wasnât that unbelievable. âI mean, it would be kinda coolâ.
âNo, no, donât shrug it off like that,â he pushed. âYou lied, you did not take this class cause you had toâ.
âOkay, fine!â you practically yelled, earning a few annoyed glares from others still studying. âI justâŠI mean is it that crazy of an idea? The universe is quite literally endless, there has to be somethingâ.
He just smiled at you, that dumb smile, one you would normally throw a pencil at his face for. But you just smiled back because he didnât laugh, didnât make his usual dumb joke, he just nodded.
âOkay alien girl,â he began. âI will be waiting for your name to pop up on the news when you are the first to make contact with oneâ.
And you nodded back, cause he would.
And you had just done it, you made contact with an alienâŠholy shit. Where was your shirt again?
------
How do you prepare for an alien to move in? The answer, after much scientific researchâŠyou really canât. The presence of Rocky, what Ryland had named him, was not a small one. You couldnât ignore him, he was a permanent part of your lives, your new partner. And yes, he had opinions on everything. After the two of you had found his voice, most nights were spent with Ryland asleep in the tunnel while Rocky and you talked all night. You asked him any questions you could think of, him happy to answer in exchange for a few of his own for you. Sometimes the two of you would get too loud and Ryland would throw a pillow at you, which you would of course throw back. Grace okay? Rocky would ask and you would reply Yes, Grace is just cranky when he doesnât sleep. The rock laughed at that, you did tooâŠand even Rylan did from his sleeping state on the ground.
Most days were spent answering Rockys questions as the three of you worked through solving the Astrophage problem, the connector between the three of you. You all had a misson, one you would complete. There was now more than one world that depended on it.
âWhat do you miss most about home, Rock?â Ryland asked one night, the three of you in the projection room. Ryland sat against the hamster ball Rocky had made hismelf while you laid down on your back, staring up at the screens, listening and chiming in when you could.
You could think of a few things you missed, memories drifting in with each day.
Rocky sat with it for a while before speaking up, âMy mateâ.
As if in sync, Ryland and you both turned your heads to him, you finally completely tuning into the situation. The two of you shared a look.
âYou have a mate?â Ryland asked, then stopped. âNot thatâŠthatâs like shocking itâs just-â
âHe means how long have you been together?â you stepped in, Ryland relaxing back against the aliens enclosure.Â
âHmm,â Rocky perked up as he talked, though you sensed the sadness that still followed him. â186.3 yearsâ.
âThatâs incredible buddy,â Ryland replied, gently patting the ball.
âNot long enough,â the alien replied, settling back down, a few quiet symphonic sounds leaving him.
You understood, understood more than you wished you had. It never was. It never would be. You scooted over to the other side of the ball, leaning against it, gently patting it as Ryland had earlier.
âWe are gonna solve this and get you back buddy,â you spoke up, facing towards the screen, taking in the world you had left behind forever. A pit settled in your stomach, at least he would be able to return home, that was enough to keep you going. âYour mate will be so proud of youâ.
Rocky shared his mates name, a beautiful symphony of sound that only the person you loved could ever be represented by. A silence settled over the three of you, the sound of waves crashing coming from the speakers. They were loud, they felt familiar, maybe you used to enjoy the waves.Â
âHow long have Grace and (Last Name) been mate?â the alien spoke from the silence. And you and Ryland both snapped back to life instantly. You met his eyes for a second before turning away, trying to form words.Â
âWe arenât-â Ryland began.
âWe arenât mates,â you fisnihed for him, him sending you a grateful look. Rocky, always so blunt.
âThen why bicker like mates?â Rocky pushed further. âWhy Grace look at you like that when you do not see, question?â
You kept your eyes planted to your hands, scared what would happen if you let them wander. Did he really look at you? Maybe thatâs what you had been, long before this, maybe there had been a time where it was something more. You felt it, it lingered in the air, in the memories that would stir. It lingered in the present too, in late nights and honest conversations, in the way he looked at you when you took off your helmet, in the nights he would drape a blanket over you when you fell asleep at your desk.
You were about to answer, try your best to muster words, when Grace beat you to it.
âI am tired,â Ryland said, standing up, not giving a second glance to either of you. âI, uh, I am gonna head to bedâ.
You noticed that with him recently, when questions got hard. It had happened a few days ago when Rocky had asked about going home.
You watched as he jumped down from the platform, heading into the hall, him dragging a hand down his face. You sat there for a while, in silence, unsure how to feel. What did you expect? There had not been any reason to assume anything, and he justâŠhe wanted to leave an awkward conversation. But was it really that hard of a question?
âGrace okay?â Rocky spoke up, tapping on the part of the xenonite ball closest to your head.
âYeah, â you replied, not because it was honest but because it was easy.
âDr. (Last Name) okay too?â and you could only laugh at that, cause you hadnât truly been okay in a while, not since before you woke up on this ship.Â
âYeah, buddy, I am okay,â you turned around to face him instead, tapping your fist against the ball, in which he mirrored.Â
You glnaced back at the exit to the room and you werenât sure why this time was different, what the pull was, but you got up.
âI am gonna get ahead on some of my work tomorrow,â you spoke more abruptly. âI will see you in the morning, Rockâ.
âFriend need help, question?â he spoke up and the words, those three words felt like a punch to the gut. You just shook your head at him and you were sure he sensed the feeling as he rolled back to lay in his ball.
You made your way through the hall quickly, turning each corner sharp until you made it to the dormitory again. There Ryland sat, edge of his bed, head in his hands. You had never seen him look so small and you were almost scared to approach him, like he might shatter.
You stepped slowly into the room, pausing right next to him, he made no move to akcnolwged you. Placing your hand on his back, you gently moved it up and down, him leaning into the touch, giving his weight over to you. You let him be selfish, let him give you something to carry because he always was the one doing it for you.Â
It was a while before he spoke, his words loud in the silence of the room. It was the quietest it had been since Rocky moved in.Â
âIâm sorry about what happened in there,â he spoke, so quiet, words thin and shaky. He took in a breath, barely getting a full breath in. âItâs justâŠeverything is a lot right nowâ.
You just shook your head, hand still trailing up and down his back, âwe donât have to talk right nowâ.
âNo,â he stopped you, meeting your eyes, his so heavy. âI want to. I need toâ.
Then the silence greeted the two of you again, but not uncomfortable, just knowing. You moved to sit beside him on the edge of the bed, watching as he sat fidgeting with his hands.
âDo you ever get memories of the two of us before all this?â He asked, though his eyes did not leave his hands.
You nodded, even if he wasnât looking, the question making you glance to your hands as well, âYeahâŠyeah all the timeâ.
There was silence again but there was something in the air, a push and pull, a want to speak and a fear of what would come out. You glanced past your hands at the floor, gently bumping your leg against his, he bumped it back.
âWe really liked studying late in the library,â you joked, still quiet, just for the two of you, as if Earth could hear you from all the way out here.
He let out a breathy laugh in reply, âyeah we really didâ.
âI think we worked well together,â you added, then pausing to correct yourself. âWe still work really well togetherâ.
You watched as his hand slowly moved closer, till it rested atop of yours. A reminder that you were both there, alive, breathing. The words of Rocky echoed in your head over and over, a broken record, that it was ânot enoughâ. Thatâs what it felt like, a ticking timer, its numbers growing smaller and smaller. Even if you had accepted it, even if you told yourself you did. This right now, with him, it would never be enough.
âI think I loved you,â he spoke from the silence and you looked up from your hands, meeting his eyes. You searched his face for any sign he was joking, maybe he was messing with you like he always did. But he was there, fully there, looking at you. And you knew, you knew for a while you had loved him too. âAnd I never got to tell you thatâ.
âWhy didnât you?â You asked, an uncertainty in your question. A push and pull between wanting to know and peaceful ignorance. He swallowed, and you just watched him, watched him fight for words.
âDo you remember?âÂ
You just shook your head, pleading with your mind to catch up in this moment, to tell you why.
âDo you?â you asked, quiet, waiting for the truthâŠand he just shook his head.
âI just know I didnâtâŠI owe you an answer,â he replied, hand gripped tighter on yours. âI love you, I know I love youâŠI think I have always loved youâ.
The words just floated, words you knew you needed to hear, but words you had not expected. You just nodded, unsure of what words you could possibly give back to him. What words were enough at this moment? You wanted to pull him close, wrap your arms around him and tell him you loved him, of course you loved him. You felt it when you saw him the first time, a pull towards him, one only love could possibly create.
âI know,â you whispered, scared to admit it, scared that it would be there, a constant reminder of what you could not have. âI love youâ.
This was present, not past, not âlovedâ, it was there. Because you did. You loved when he would do the stupid dance moves anytime he got something right. You loved how he would make you laugh when you were spiraling. You loved how you bickered and how he looked at you like you were a genius, even when he teased that he was smarter. You loved him, you had seen it in every memory that had come back. You saw it when you left your home to join his research without a second thought. You loved him but life was cruel and time was not on your side, not even a little.
âI love you and I am scared,â he spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts. The tension in your body slightly eased, but the pit in your stomach grew deeper. You tried to meet his eyes but he would not look at you, his gaze cast down, his hand moving down to fidget with your fingers. You werenât sure if he knew they were yours or thought they were his. The thought made you smile. âBecause we are going to die out here and itâs not fair. Itâs not fair to you if I tell you this knowing we are just going to dieâ.
âI would rather die knowing,â you admitted, hand gently reaching out to cup his jaw, pulling his gaze up to yours. His eyes rimmed red, watery. He blinked a few times, shook his head, tried to erase the emotions he could not escape. âIâd rather know we will die and get to love you than pretend and try not to love you at allâ.
Silence.
âI canât keep getting these memories and not pretend you arenât the most important person in the world to meâ.
Silence again, your heart was beating so loud you could barely hear the words you were speaking.
âAnd if you can pretend, good for you,â you continued, quietly, gently releasing your grip on his face. But he just grabbed your wrists before you moved too far, carefully placing it back where it was.
âI canât pretend anymore,â he admitted, shaky. âI canât.â
âThen letâs stop,â you spoke, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Because in space, time ticking lower and lower, it seemed like maybe it was. And there, something snapped, him reaching to cup your jaw. You grew closer and closer, foreheads hovering against the other.
âAre you sure?â he asked, his thumb brushing gently against your jaw.Â
You just nodded, âAre you?â
âIâve been sure since I first saw you again,â he replied, leaning into your touch, something you didnât know you needed so badly. âIâve known before I even understood whyâ.
Whatever hesitation left slipped away in that moment as your bodies allowed for it, allowed you to be selfish, the space between you closing. The magnets had finally collided. The kiss was so soft, you committed the feeling to memory. You never wanted to stop feeling it.Â
He was so careful, like you might shatter right there. And you just might, the feeling so overwhelming. And then it deepened, just slightly, the pent up hunger for something you both had tried so hard to fight. You scooted closer, as close as you could, his hand traveling up your jaw and slightly gripping into your hair. For a moment, one small moment, the ticking clock seemed to stop.
He pulled away with an âI love youâ on his lips before you could even speak. You met his eyes, and there was something there. It was bittersweet, knowing there would come a time where you would no longer get to see his eyes right in front of you. The thought made your stomach turn, a familiar burninig in your eyes. You hoped that if there was something after all of this, after life, that it would be a place you could still see his eyes.
âI know I should have said it a long time ago, I should have given us more time-ââ
The words knocked you back, it felt like a blow to the stomach as your head pounded, it always seemed to feel heavy but this felt different. It all falls into place, all those missing pieces, the scientists in the bar, the conversation on the deck, the volunteeringâŠthe goodbye.Â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You stand up, your head pouding as you hold onto it, feeling as if it might explode. You slightly stumble, falling against a wall for support, Ryland is quick to follow. You slide down the wall, slightly caving in on yourself, pulling your knees to your just. There were so many emotions coming to you at one, regret, fear, anger, longingâŠlove.
âHey, hey, hey," he says gently, reaching down to try and help you. âWhatâs happening? WhatâŠwhatâs going on?â
You look up and there is a panic in his eyes, one to match your own. You try to speak but you canât, you canât find the words.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air And he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word.
âTalk to me,â his voice comes back, his hand stretched out to you, you now sitting back against the wall. Your hands gripped your head, your eyes burned and your body shook. There were so many feelings, too many. You just shoved his hand away, before you could even process that it was there. âJust tell me you are okayâ.
âYou didnât say it,â you whispered out, scared to say it, scared to acknowledge that it was real.Â
âWhat?â he asked, gently crouching down to your level, gently reaching to brush hair out of your face, you shifted your head away. âWhat didnât I say?â
âYou didnât tell me to stay,â and the look on his face was one of unimaginable regret. âYou let me get on this shipâ.
âYou wanted to,â he pushed back and your heart dropped. âI meanâŠcome on, itâs not, it reall-â
âYou knew,â the realization hurt more than the memory. He didnât say anything, he had said he didnât know why. He had pretended like it was fine but he knewâŠhe knew why you were here.
âI didnât want to go back to all that,â he tried to reason, and it reminded you of the memory, the samn panic on his face. âI finally have this, I finally have you and it didnâtâŠI didnât want to-â
âSo you just were never going to tell me?â you looked at him, searched his face for something to understand. âWhat? You were just gonna hope it never came back to me?â
The same silence as he fought for his words.
âWhy didnât you stop me?â you finally asked, an answer you knew had been weighing on you, a feeling in your stomach you did not understand until this moment. âPlease Rylandâ.
And it was like dejavu, the same as the memory as he did not say anything. You flet it all over again.
âI stay up at night wondering why I couldnât have just said it,â his voice was so fragile, you looked up to meet his gaze and this time he was looking at you, focused on you. âAnd I wonder if maybe we would be living a normal life right now. Maybe weâd be together and youâd be doing your research and I would still be teaching. And maybe you would have come into my class sometimes as a guest teacher andâŠmy kids would have loved youâ.
A choked laugh escaped him at the thought as he reached up to run his hand though his hair. You let him talk, let him make up for all the silence as you just waiited to understand.Â
âAnd then I think about how I couldnât have ever stopped you,â he spoke again. âBecause you have always loved space more than Earth and then I wonder if I maybe could have but would that have been fair?â
âI just wanted to know,â you finally spoke up, and you shifted slightly, patting the space next to you, inviting him to sit rather than couch infront of you. He accepted, sitting beside you. âI just wanted you to stop being so scared and say itâŠbecause I dropped everything to come and help youâ.
âAnd I begged Eva Stratt for days leading up to take off to put me on that ship,â he admitted.
You hadnât thought about it really, about how he had gotten there.
âYour mission was to find purpose and see Tau Ceti,â he said. âAnd mine was to tell you that I love youâŠbecause I could not stay on Earth without youâ.
The words were so loud.
âThat was my mission, that is why I am here,â he continued. âAnd if you are mad at me, I understand whyâŠbut I will take those few seconds you were not and know it was worth leaving everything behind just for thatâ.
The clock seemed to come back, ticking louder and louder in your brain. The heavy realization that this was it, that there would be a day where this was gone and there would no longer be the pain and the wondering and the want. That there would come a time where you would not get to hate or love Ryland Grace anymore. And if you could pick one, you would love him for as long as you could. Even if you were mad, even if you wished it was different, he was still here and he had left the world for you.
âWe are going to die out here,â you spoke, bluntly and obviously. âAnd I wonât do that angry at you, I wonâtâ.
"Let me fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding so small. "Let me love you with the time we have".
You just leaned your head on his shoulder in response, his head resting a top of yours, a silent agreement. A silent truce. A page turned because dwelling in the past had become something you learned you could not do anymore. You wondered why people ever had at all? Because life was meant to be lived, because the past could offer you only ways to change and grow, it was not a place to remain in. It was your guide forward into a better future.Â
âWe would have had a good life together,â you spoke from the quiet, honest, no more pretending.Â
âWe will,â he corrected. âI mean it isnât really how I pictured it, but the views are pretty nice up hereâ.
You just laughed, laughed at how ridiculous this all was. How he had chased you all the way into the depths of the solar system, all the way into a new one entirely.Â
âI will take any time I can with you,â he spoke, gently reaching up to wipe a tear that had escaped. âI would take a few secondsâ.
âThis sucks,â your voice cracking slightly, a small huff of laughter escaping you because what else could you do.
âA little less with you here,â he corrected and you just smiled, a watery smile.
âGrace and (Last Name) not go home, question?â the familiar voice caused your head to snap towards the entrance to the room. The normally loud creature had somehow made himself a fly on the wallâŠyou wondered how long he had been there.
âHey buddy,â you squeaked out, wiping your eyes with the palm of your hand, sitting uop straight.Â
âRocky not understand, why not go back to Earth, question?â he persisted
The question was a hard one to answer, one you wanted to keep avoiding. To speak it into the air was to acknowledge that it would come soon, that it was real.Â
âThis is a one way trip for us,â Ryland spoke, calculated and straightforward, though you could hear the slight shake at the end of his words. âThey gave us enough Astrophage to make it to Tau Ceti and then we will send our findings back on probesâ
âWe have our mission and then we will be done,â you added, Rocky rolling into the room to stand in front of where the two of you sat. You shifted slightly, an appropriate distance, but his hand still lingered on your thigh, your hand atop of his.
âNo understandâ Rocky just repeated, shifting back and forth in his ball as if he were pacing. You would have laughed if the conversation wasnât about your inevitable death floating out in space.
âEarth is too far from here for us to get back Rock,â you continued, a shaky breath, a glance at Ryland, anything to ground yourself. You told yourself you were fine with it. But the thought, the thought of a normal life with Ryland, it ached all over your body. âWe have enough food to get us through a couple of years-â
âAnd then what, question?â
âWe will die,â Ryland answered, no longer beating around the bush. âWe chose this mission knowng we would die out hereâ.
We chose this mission. Rockys movements only got more exaggerated, him shifting around in a panic. Ryland gave your hand one squeeze before standing up to follow Rocky as he zoomed around the room.
âWe, uh, we have made peace with it,â though it sounded like more of a question than a statement. âWe know what will happen and we have made peace with itâ.
Rocky stopped moving, turning back to Ryland who now stood in front of him, trying to corral him like a dog that had escaped the house.
âHow much you need return Earth, question?â he spoke up, rolling back towards you, Ryland trailing behind him, trying to catch up with his quick changes in direction.
âAround two million kilogram,â the words sounded hopeless.
âI can giveâ.
Your gaze moved quickly to meet Rylands, an astonished look on his face. You tried to breathe, tried to keep yourself grounded, to not let yourself consider the option.
"I have extra. Can give that much from my ship and still have plenty for return to Erid".
"Rocky, you cant do thatâ.
âThat's too much to ask for Buddy," Ryland replied.
âLet Rocky fix,â he insisted, rolling to your side, as if he were sitting next to you. âRocky crew die, Rocky cannot fix. Rocky friends need help, Rocky fixâ.
Ryland had practically slammed himself into you on the ground, him holding you so tightly, a laugh of disbelief escaping him. The chance, the chance for something else for the two of you. Rocky bumped against you.
âConfsued, confused, confused,â as he rammed into your side. âGrace hurt Alien Girlâ.
Someone had leaked the nickname. You pulled away to give a pointed look at Ryland, he just shrugged his smile so wide.Â
âGet in here Rock,â he said, pushing the creature into your embrace, the two of you wrapping your arms around his sphere.Â
âConfused,â he repeated, insisting.
âIt's a hug Rocky,â you replied. âJust go with itâ.
The three of you moved with a newly lit passion, a new ease in the way you worked. There was hope, there was a future, a world where you would all make it back. The journey continued on, a new sense of understanding between Ryland and you. It was small glances in the lab, kissing in the hallway whenever you could get a minute away from RockyâŠthough he would normally somehow find the two of you, it was late night talking about what life would be like when you returned. A hopeful view of a world that could be better.
You worked hard, trying to understand whatever you could about Astrophage, as you got closer and closer to Tau Ceti E. And when the bright green planet comes into view you finally understand why you had picked this system to study. It was beyond what you could imagine, the siwling greens and oranges and reds so vibrant.Â
âLadie and Gentleman,â Ryland spoke. âI give you Tau Ceti Eâ.
You could just nod, no words fully encapsulating everything you felt in that moment as you looked at the planet. Your lifes work, there, in front of you. And when you walked out onto the hull of the ship with Ryland, you felt as though you could not breathe. It was astonishment on a level you never knew was possible. You were really seeing it, a system you had studied your whole life. And it was then you understood what Ryland meant when he said he could have never stopped youâŠbecause this was everything you had worked for.Â
âIs everything okay over there?â a knowing laugh at the end of his words.
âYeah,â you spoke up, unable to form words. âItâs justâŠwowâ.
âIt is wow,â he agreed, coming to float beside you, bumping your shoulder. You looked at him, him already looking at you, as if you were Tau Ceti E itself.Â
You think you blackout by the time you are back in the ship, so overwhelmed by emotion. You were sure your brain turned off once the Astrophage had surrounded you, the red dots filling your vision. Your brain could not handle it, as you sat back down insid the ship, buzzed with adrenaline. And when the data shows that there is another life form on Tau Ceti E eating the astropage to keep it balanced, you feel your body almost collapse. You laugh, an extremely loud laugh, the only thing your body could do.Â
âWhat?â Ryland asked, him and Rocky turning to look at you.
âI was right,â you speak, much quieter than the laugh, hand coming up to wipe your eyes. This was not the time, there was work to do.Â
âYou were right,â Ryland reassures, a nod and a smile, one as if he knew all along that you were. And you could just smile back, giving yourself a moment to feel it all. To feel that accomplishment after years of work, after almost giving up. You know your parents are out there somewhere in the universe smiling because they knew too. They knew you would do it all and it had taken you so long to truly believe that you were capable of it.
You jumped into action once more, because this was what you had prepared for, because this was what you had studied. And you knew. Right then, that you were meant to be up there, Ryland and Rocky and youâŠall of you with one risky plan. A risky plan you would pull off.
And you would, you would get close. When the alarms start flashing so loud, you start to wonder how it went wrong. The beeping rattles through your body, each flash of red light burning your eyes as you try to copilot Rocky as Ryland attempts to get the sample. It is a flash, a blur, your brain moving too fast for you to even process. And when the ship turns too sharp and you bang your head against the control board, you feel your hearing start to dwindle first. You blink over and over, trying to stop it but your head is pounding and you can barely keep your eyes open. You slump against the board, you call out for help for anything and you hear the panic, muffled voice of Rocky call back. Your name is yelled over and over again until you feel nothing at all.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
You wake up gasping for air, shooting up from your bed trying to focus your vision, as everything begins to come back to you. Ryland and Rocky and the sample on Tau Ceti E. The panic feels worse the second time around. You move quickly, looking around, when you see Ryland asleep on the bed beside yours. You cautiously move towards him, hand gently running through his hair, your other moving to his chest. He was breathing and you feel a sense of calm wash over you at the fact.Â
Then you realize that it is quiet, much too quiet and you move quickly out of the room and into the halls. Your head still pounded and the running made you dizzy but you pushed through to get to the main room. Then you see it, the splotches on the ground all leading to a small figure crumbled on the floor. You rush quickly, so quickly, dropping to the floor to meet your alien roommate. You move your hands over him, feeling no sense of movement. Your heart beat won't steady, your breathing is ragged as you move to pick him up. You move him gently, as careful as you can back to the area he had built himself, back in his own atmosphere. And you knew then what he had done, what he had risked to make sure Ryland and you survived. You stand there for a while, watching himâŠjust waiting.
âYou gotta pull through, okay buddy?â you speak as if he can hear you, words trembling as they escape you. âYou are the smartest part of this teamâ.
You donât know how long it is until you feel a hand on your shoulder, your head snapping and your body only calming when you realize it's him. He's alive, he is okay. And you pull your arms around him just as quick, head pressed to his chest listening as his heart beats in a steady rhythm. He does the same, arms wrapped, holding tightly for as long as he could. There was just silence, no words big enough, his head just gently rested atop of yours like it always found its way to. A gentle kiss placed on your forehead, a rhythm of his hand moving up and down your back.
You pull away, you look at each other and just nod. You fall back into that familiar pattern, no words needed as you move around the lab organzing all the samples and getting it ready for Rocky. So closeâŠyou were so close and you would all make it. You had to.
A few nights pass, the two of you moving all the samples of Taumoeba into the tanks Rocky had crafted. He would be so excited.
You are sitting at the desk when Ryland comes to join you, sitting beside you. It was like this most nights, most nights the two of you wouldnât even say a word.
But he spoke this time, he spoke with a hope that had not left him just yet, âwhat color would we paint our walls?â
You laugh at the simplicity of the question, âyou asking me to move in Grace?â
âI thought that was established,â he shrugged, a small smile as laid his head against the desk, you moving to do the same. Heads laid on the table, the two of you just faced the other, smiling. âI mean, we have been living in this space tube for a while alreadyâ.
âI gotta think about it, the wall color is a big decision,â you humor him back, let yourself believe that you would still make it home. âWe got some time thoughâ.
The silence is normal now, almost more normal than any sound.
âDo you think he is just sleeping?â you speak up, wanting some sort of answer, one you knew you wouldnât be able to get.
âHe sleeps like a rock,â he tries to joke, but it falls back into the silence. He sits up again, running his hand down your back again, you leaning into any comfort you could get. âHe is strong, he is gonna pull throughâ.
Neither of you knew that, but you would choose to believe it cause it made it all easier. None of this was easy.
âI donât like this,â you let yourself be selfish, be completely truthful and it felt good to not pretend you were alright. âI hate not knowing what is gonna happen next. Not knowing if any of this will even workâ.
He just nodded, looking down at you, your head still laid against the table, looking off into the distance.
âI used to think this was gonna be simpleâ he admitted. âWe collect the data, send it home and then we wait forâŠâ
He trailed off, the thought too heavy, to ugly.
âBut now it isnât that simple anymore,â you finished for him and he just nodded. The two of you had a sense of understanding, one where you could say no words at all and completely understand how the other was feeling.
âItâs him,â he added. âItâsâŠyou. I just want it all, I want it all with you and it seems so closeâ.
Your heart ached at his words. You sat up, running your hands over your face.
âI donât know if I even have the answers anymore,â he admitted. âI feel like I am lying when I talk, because I donât know if there even is oneâ.
The silence wraps itself around the two of you again and you want nothing more than to just be as close as possible to him. You reach for his hand, and he just as quickly grabs it, his hand wrapped tight around yours.
âDo you think about what it will be like after thisâŠif we pull this off?â you spoke up, looking at your two hands intertwined, rested on the table.
âConstantly,â he answered, and you couldnât hold it in anymore as the emotions bubbled over. Tears fell from your eyes, as your body began to shake. He moved quickly, coming to stand behind your seat, wrapping his arms around you. Thatâs just how he was, he was your stable force.Â
âWhat do you think it will be like?â you asked, quiet through shaky breaths. âIf we get back homeâ.
âIt will be everything I have ever wanted,â he said, like it was obvious, like it was so simple. And you just held him tighter, committing the feeling to memory.Â
âWhat Rocky miss?âÂ
The words startle you so much you fall out of your chair and Ryland just laughs and you laugh. God you laugh so hard it hurts, so hard you know your stomach will ache for days and you hope it does. Because it would be a reminder of how somehow Ryland and you had survived this all.
âRocky does not get reaction from friends,â he spoke, his familiar confused tone.
Through laughing you sit up, just moving slightly to reach him and throwing your arms around him. Ryland does the same, the two of you holding the alien in his enclosure, so tight, you didnât want to let go.
âWe are going home Rocky,â you spoke, head still buried into the embrace. âWe are going to get you homeâ.
And everything felt right, right there with a rock and a man you loved. Right there in space, surrounded by the beauty of the stars that you had always yearned for. But you had found a new purpose, a purpose to get a new friend home and return back to yours to save it.Â
âRocky see mate again?â he asked, and the question made your heart ache because you could say yes. And Rocky would spin into a chaos of excitement at the answer, immediately asking what work still needed to be done. The craziest part was nothing, you just had to load the Taumoeba on his ship and get the extra astrophage. It waas bittersweet and you were thankful for that.
Much celebration filled the night, the projection room filled with fireworks and loud music. The two of you taught Rocky how to dance even if he found it dumb.. And that next morning when you said goodbye, a piece of you would leave with the alien creature.
In the tunnel, you stood by the glass formation he had built. He was already on his side of the barrier, staring at the two of you. What words could you even say?
You stood there for a while before moving to place your hand against the glass like you had the first time.Â
âThank you,â you spoke, two words, the only words that could ever come close to being enough.Â
âI guessâŠI guess we should get going?â Ryland spoke, but you felt glued to the ground. Because this was it, that was the last time you would see him, separated by the galaxy.Â
âYou are bravest humans Rocky has ever met,â and the words hit you hard and you smile because Ryland had rubbed off on him. âItâs joke, you are only humans Rocky has metâ.
You smile wider, a small laugh escaping you. You could not be sad, not when you had somehow accomplished the impossible.Â
âYou spent too much time with Grace,â you joked back and Rocky only made a sound in protest.
âNot enough,â he said and you pressed your hand once again to the glass, his meeting yours.
âNot enough,â you agreed, Ryland moving to stand behind you, hand resting on your shoulder.Â
âDonât forget about us,â he spoke, hiding the shake in his voice with a cough.Â
âRocky never forget,â and you just smiled, turning to meet Rylands eyes, them the same as yours, watery and overwhelmed with emotion.Â
âGoodbye Rocky,â he spoke up, and the alien once again protested.
âIn Erid we do not say goodbye,â he corrected. âWe do thisâ
The rocky creature began to rub one arm over the other and the two of you just copied. It was easier, you did not have the words in you to say âgoodbyeâ. You moved slowly back towards the door of your ship, sending one final glance back to the creature who just watched the two of you. And just like Ryland did, as the door to the ship closed, through the window you saw him give his version of a thumbs up. You smile, looking at Ryland who looked at you. It was going to be okay.Â
The two of you moved in a silence through the ship until you reached the dormitory.
âBack to sleep?â you asked, unsure of what was next, four years of a journey ahead.
âI guess so,â he said, a hesitation in his words.
The thought of sleeping again sat heavy in yoru chest, the fear of forgetting it all again. You couldnât, you could not forget any of this.
âOne night?â you asked, and he turned in curiosity to look at you. âLet's sleep on it for a nightâ.
And he nodded, the two of you making your way to your individual beds. You stood there, pulling back the sheets when you hear his voice saying your name. You looked uo to meet his eyes.
âStay with me tonight?â he asked, gesturing to his bed. âPleaseâ.
You heard it in his tone, the fear, the want to be close and you knew you wanted it to. You moved across the room, a new sense of intimacy greeting the two of you. The bed was small, but you made it work as you climbed into it, adjusting to fit the two of you comfortably. His arms reached around you, pulling your back to be pressed against his chest and you buried yourself in comfort. There, in the silence, two bodies pressed together. Your breathing fell into a similar rhythm and you could feel his eyes on the back of your head. And then you turned, meeting his face, scanning his. And before you could make the move, he made his, his lips meeting yours in a rhythm of longing and you melted right into it.
It was built up energy, after days upon days on this ship, after years prior of beating around the bush about what the two of you were. And you needed it, your body carved the feeling. You grew closer and closer, the kiss growing deeper as you moved to sit on top of him. His hands reached up to run through your hair, slightly gripping onto it and pulling you any closer he possibly could. You ran your hand up and down his arm before finding a place cup his jaw. There did not need to be words in that moment, the two of you communicating in a new way.Â
A quiet breathy groan escaped him, one that sent heat all up your body, and you made it your new mission to pull the sound from him again.
âYou are so perfect,â he mumbled against your lips. âSo, so perfectâ.
âI love you,â you got out in between kisses, in the moments where you gasped for air before going back.
He sat up, you still sitting on him as he gently picked you up to move you on your back, him now above you. He held himself up above you, reaching to brush a stray piece of hair from your face. And he just looked at you, in a way no one had ever before, so intently, looking at every part of your face as if you were his favorite painting in a museum.
âI love you so much,â he spoke, for only you, so quiet. God you loved him too and you would say it a million times, as many times as you couldâŠeven if that would never be enough.
Then, as if on cue, as if the universe wanted to keep you apart the alarm began blare. He jumped up to attention, the sound triggered a panic that both of you shared. You looked at him, him at you. He quickly leaned down, pressing one last kiss to your forehead and then gave you a nod.
You moved quickly, joining him as he rushed down the hall to the control room. You quickly behind him, watching as he scanned the screens.
You notice it first, the other screen flashing the words FOREIGN PRESENSE DETECTED.
âThe lab,â you breathed out, looking at the screen.
âThe Taumoeba,â he finished for you, jumping out of the chair just as quickly,.He moved down the hall at the same fast paced, the adrenaline pumping through the two of you. It hit you quickly as you looked at the cylinders on the wall.
âThey are leaking,â he observed, turning to look at you and the realization of what that meant hit you like a train.
âRocky,â you turned to him in a panic and he just gave you back a dazed nod. And it was there, right in that moment that you knew. Ryland and you were always meant for unexpected. That a normal life wasnât what either of you ever needed, you just needed each other. You needed a good friend who had given you both so much.
âRocky,â you repeated. And he looked at your, pleading eyes, as he too knew what this meant. âWe gotta go back for himâ.
And you knew what that meant, that meant no going home, it meant leaving it all forever. What even was home? It was people, the people who carry you through life, lifting you up in celebration in your best moments and holding you together in the bad. And when you look at Ryland, you see it so clearly. Your home was not that dingy apartment, it was not San Francisco, it was anywhere the two of you were together.
He reached for your hand, and you grabbed it back, standing there together looking at the wall of samples.
âYou want to do this?â he asked.
âWe need to do this,â you replied, the most sure you had ever been.
He just nodded at you, that smile you never wanted to forget. Tomorrow you would wake up and you would be traveling back towards Rockyâs ship. It would take weeks and you would watch the days pass by, filled with Ryland and you arranging the samples to send back to Earth. And it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were with Ryland Grace and you were alive. You were wearing an alien shirt and spending late nights in a lab on a ship beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home, because you were finally home.
âYour mission was to find purpose and see Tau Ceti,â he said. âAnd mine was to tell you that I love youâŠbecause I could not stay on Earth without you.â
These are, quite possibly, the most romantic words Iâve ever read omg!!! I love them so much<3
sorry I have left everyone hanging, I had some EVIL EXAMS! I miss this and this story and I hope to actually have some new stuff out soon (thanks to everyone who had read so far)
I know you probably already got so many comments for this fic but I just couldnât not leave mine. sorry in advance if it sounds a bit messy â Iâm just overwhelmed with emotions. at first I wanted to dm you but your messages are close đ„Č so Iâm writing here bcs I really needed to share how I feel
Thats literally my first long fic about Grace and actually one of the first works about him Iâve ever read. And Iâm so so glad that it was your story that made my âfirst impressionâ and basically shaped how I see this character.
I might forget to mention some things but what matters most is how I experienced this story: cried, laughed and just sat there in âdamnâ, âawwâ, âđâ. It was such a full emotional experience.
What I especially loved is how you kept it canon while weaving reader directly into the events of the film. Thatâs exactly what I was hoping to read first â not a completely original storyline (I love those too), but a reinterpretation of the film with reader included.
This work is absolutely amazing â itâs vivid, emotional and so immersive. There were moments when I had to pause just to breathe and then come back to it. I savored every word, every sentence. It feels so natural and true to canon that I genuinely donât have enough words to describe it.
I would love, love to see a continuation of this story, maybe on Rockyâs planet. But ofc, thatâs entirely up to you â what matters most is that you feel motivated and I really hope you do.
Also, your song choice?? Absolutely perfect! I even played Beatles track on purpose to fully immerse myself and it was a 100/10.
Thank you so much for this work and for all the emotions it gave me. Iâll be eagerly waiting for a continue, for your future works â for anything you decide to write.
I know how much time, effort and energy this takes and Iâll honestly be so happy to read anything you create
#sorry for mistakes, I used translation đđ»
wow, opening this made my day! like seriously this is one of the nicest things i have ever been told and I feel honored that my fic connected with you so much!
The kind works I have received are overwhelming and I cannot wait to keep writing for you all! I apologize for the delay; school has been crazy but part three will be up soon and i am beyond excited!! once things on my schedule clear, expect some more consistent writing too. Much love to you all đ«¶
My God your writing is AMAZING, more Ryland plsss. Dying for a part 3 to the Ryland x alien girl, angst when they're running out of food on the way to erid??
YOU ARE SO NICE OMG!! I am cooking up part three as we speak so hopefully it is up soon (and if you know me, you know the angst will be there)
I am so glad you have enjoyed my writing! I have had so much fun writing it
(inbox is always open, send thoughts and head cannons, I love them)
hear me out ryland and reader are so the smiths coded. pre phm itâs âand you never knew how much i really liked you cause i never even told youâ from back to the old house and now âand if a double decker bus crashes into us to die by your side is such a heavenly way to dieâ from there is a light that never goes out (yea these are their most popular songs but if it fits who cares) anyway canât wait for part 3 xx :)
OMG OMG OMG! ugh yes this is actually sooo them! especially the first song, like YES!
im working on part three rn and the I might make some smaller blurbs of them in the lab and them on the ship, cause I want to expand more haha
part two of 'my place is among the stars (with you)'
ryland grace x reader
In which your world has not been the same since you woke up on that ship with ryland grace. and it would never be the same again.
or
you wake up in space with a stranger and slowly piece together why he doesn't really feel like a stranger at all.
word count: 14.6k (it just kept getting longer!)
content warning: again some (a lot of) inaccurate science, some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, mention of parental death, miscommunication trope, idk they kinda makeout a little I suppose (bring back the art of a makeout for real), rocky being a menace and so much angst I am sorry!! (but also mega fluff so push through)
a/n: I am so overwhelmed by peoples support and love for the first part! I posted because I loved these characters and you guys have made me fall back in love with writing and sharing work. I appreciate all your patience, I had to pick up some crazy work hours this past week. but I hope you enjoy and I cannot wait to keep writing for you all! (I lowk hate the ending but yolo)
I love these two so much and would love to keep writing for them. lmk if you would like a part three or any other small blurbs about Ryland and Alien Girl!
There was a heaviness in the air, an almost uncertainty. The woman infront of you is so focused.
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she spoke up, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
The memory shoots you up from where you slept, leaving you gasping for air, hands clenched tight in your sheets. Ryland and you had been taking shifts, one sleeping, one monitoring the flight path set for Tau Ceti. However you had been going in and out of consciousness for hours. The memories just kept coming, so fragmented that they did little to help you understandÂ
Funny enough, the easiest part of all this to swallow had become that fact that you were in space. Because it was obvious, clear, right in front of you. Every other question felt endless, every answer felt hollow. Some memories were helpful, and others had sent you spiraling, unable to sleep for a few days.
It had been a few days ago when you woke up from sleep to a memory of your parents, the knock on your door from the RA of your dormâŠthat they were gone. The grief felt so heavy, yet so misplaced, for people that were vague shadows in your mind. That hurt you the most, that you could not recall these peopleâŠpeople you knew deep down were so good. Ryland had sat with you that night, silence between the two of you, no words good enough to mend what had happened.
Then came the flashes to a time before the ship. Bits and pieces of labs full of equipment that you somehow knew the names of, a flash to a jet sweeping through the air, a paper bag being your best friend in that moment. The two of you had come to each other in a sort of unison one night, both yelling the word Astrophage and beginning to dig through the memories together. It was that night that you came to the realization that Ryland Grace was a genius and the two of you would not be returning home. Staring at the equation he had completed on the whiteboard, the two of you sat in a silence so loud it made you want to cover your ears. It was exactly enough Astrophage to get to Tau CetiâŠand none left to return. It was a suicide mission, the two of you had signed up to die. There had been a mutual understanding that night that if the two of you were gonna die you would die trying to solve the Astrophage problem, you owed it to the world, to yourselves. Though deep down your brain was far from ready to process that you would never be back to the normalcy of your home planet.
You glanced across the room, looking around for anything to ground you back to the present. The whiteboard caught your gaze, one the two of you had started to keep track of questions, checking them off when a memory came back to fill in the blanks.Â
Who are we? How did we meet? Friends? Enemies?
You had added the last part, you thought it was funny. But none of it felt so funny anymoreâŠhis last hope, the words pounded loud in your mind. Like two metal pans banging together over and over with no sign of stopping. There was something there, in that memory, a feeling of deep care, of admiration. He was someone you had left your life to help, he had asked for you to join his research. SoâŠyou must have been a scientist too? There were too many questions floating. At least you knew where you were going and what you needed to doâŠbut who were you? And why were you even here?
You pulled yourself out of bed, seeing no purpose in forcing yourself to try to sleep. Your sleep schedule significantly shifts when it looks dark outside at all hours. Wrapping yourself in a jacket you had found packed in one of the several boxes, you made your way to the ships controls, Ryland sat in his chair scribbling in a notebook.
âI think I was a scientist too,â you spoke from the quiet, that piqued his interest as he looked, a smile growing on his face.Â
âWere you as smart as me?â he asked, looking back to his notes, his usual tone.
âAm,â you corrected. âAm I as smart as youâŠand the answer is probably smarter. I am smarter than youâ.
You shrugged, as a burst of quick laughter came from him, his focus still on the notes. You moved around the room, taking in all the buttons, too many buttons. It had become normal, all these small memories popping in. It was like adding baseball cards to a collection, sometimes they were insane and other times they were mundane little additions that made the collection a little more unique. They were fun and sometimes not so funâŠbut details none the less, and you would take any your brain could muster to give back.
âWhat do you think is so special about this system?â Ryland spoke up, more to himself as he erased something in his notes. âThe Tau Ceti system was the only star not infected-â
âWell it could be a lot of things, you know?â you spoke, as if on autopilot, words escaping you before you could even fully process them. âI mean, it could be a difference in spectral output that the Astrophage doesnât want to feed on. Or, you know, evoluntionary pressure?â
He just stared at you, you just stared back.
He spoke slowly, eyes wide, âevoluntionary pressure?â
âYeah, the idea that another life form could be eating away at the Astrophage and keeping it balanced,â you answered, equally as confusedâŠthe tiniest bit excited, maybe more than tiny. âLike a predator, but that is pretty far fetchedâ.
He shook his head in disbelief, a smile on his face, murmuring unbelievable under his breath.Â
âSmarter,â you reminded, a shrug of your shoulders. You had felt so useless thus far, not that you hadnât been able to help but you werenât sure where you fit. Thatâs why it was all so exciting when you remembered that you studied Tau Ceti and you were gonna see it. You were sure the earlier version of yourself, the one who remembered it all would be freaking out at the fact. You wanted to find her, she was in there somewhere.Â
The silence returned again, it was however much louder in your own head.
âYou doing okay?â he spoke up, still focused, you still roaming the room, the two of you in perfect orbit. Thatâs what happens when you have no one else but each other, you are sure your brains may eventually murge into one. His jokes had become funnier, even if you knew they werenât and he had become a friend, more than someone you were forced to coexist with.
âYeah,â you spoke quickly, unsure what would happen if you let yourself dig deeper into the feeling.
He hummedâŠhe didnât believe you, you knew that. âCome on, letâs goâ.
He spoke it so casually, getting up from the chair and setting the notebook down.
âHey, so I am not sure if you realized, but we really donât have anywhere to go to,â your voice slightly trailing off, watching as he began to walk out into the hall. âRyland?â
âYou know you have gotten a lot more sarcastic lately and it's really taking a toll on this relationship,â he yelled from down the hall and you could do nothing but roll your eyes and trail behind him.Â
When you finally caught up to him, he was already shifting through settings in what you had begun to call âthat big room of screensâ and he corrected that it really was a âprojection deckâ...same fucking thing.
âWhatâs your favorite place in the world?âhe asked, turning his head to meet your gaze.
And you paused, really paused. You were sure that before all of this you would have been able to answer in a second but now you were drawing a complete blank.
âIâŠI donât know,â you spoke up, quieter, honest, and it was a scary thought, to not know the smalles thing about who you were, what you liked.
âJust think of something, make something up,â he pushed.
âFine,â you called up to him, before moving to join him up on the small platform. âUhâŠmaybe, the mountains?â
With a click on the small computer, the screens morphed into beautiful scenery of lush green mountains, the sound of the breeze flowing through the leaves filling the room. You took a seat, letting your legs slightly hang over the platform. He joined you. He pointed to a digital bird that flew across the screen, miming fake binoculars on his face with his hands, you just nudged him with your shoulder.
âWhere would you have picked?â
âProbably somewhere with fog,â he spoke up, looking at you. âI am pretty sure I am from San FrancsiosâŠthey got a lot of thatâ.
It felt like meeting someone for the first time, asking all those familiar questions. The two of you found yourself doing that on nights that were too quiet, asking things like favorite color or movie, making up the answers when you couldnât remember. Placeholders until the memory came back.
You nodded along, letting the two of you fall into a familiar comfortable silence. One you had to get used to with two strangers who had nothing to talk about because they were strangers to themselves. It made your stomach ache in that now all too familiar way.
Then he stood up, practically jumped from where he was sitting and reached his hand out to you, gesturing with his head.Â
âWhat?â you asked, genuine confusion on your face.
âUp,â he just said. âDance with me, come onâ.
You just began to shake your head, waving your hands at him.Â
âNo,â was all you said, turning to face forward, though a smile tried to force itself on your face.
He turned to the computer, you trying your best to remain uninterested but then he turned on a song and you felt like you had just gone down the hill of a rollercoaster.
âStop,â he yelled at you, which made you shhh him with a significant amount of aggression. The whole library had turned to look at him, throwing needles at him with their eyes.
âWhat?â he whispered back.
âWe are in the library,â you whispered back, just as aggressive.
âAnd you are freaking out about an alien presentation,â he deadpanned. You opened your mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again. âSee, even you know it's dumb.â
âItâs not dumb!â
âMaking a fake planet with a made up alien species where we decided they all dance to sort through political conflictâŠâhe drawled out the last word, a quirk of his brow, that dumb look he always did. You wanted to smack him.
âOkay, well,â when he put it that way.
âYes?â
You just rolled your eyes and turned back to the papers, sorting through all the details you had spent way too long on. You never did anything halfway, it was something you had followed your whole life.
âCome on,â he spoke up, standing and throwing his things in his bag in a way that made you cringe. "Letâs goâ.
âWhere?â your head shot up. âWe have an assignmet to doâ.
âNot in this state we donâtâ.
You just looked at him, a staring contest, him raising his brow up and down causing you to bury your head into the table. He then leaned down right next to your ear.
âUh, earth to alien girl,â he spoke, covering his mouth to sound like a plane speakerâŠor radioâŠyou werenât quite sure but it made you laugh. You quickly stopped yourself. âI heard the laugh. The jig is up, we are goingâ.
He did not wait any longer, heading out of the door, eyes following him as he left. You quickly stood up, without much hesitation, laying your stuff in your bag and running out after him. There he stood, outside, at the bottom of the steps to the library, phone turned up to the highest volume, playing your song. âThe Two of Usâ from the Beatles blasted, a song the two of you had come to associate with the other. He was moving in sporadic ways, akin to the way a dad does to embarrass their own kid.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you called down to him.
âSeeing if our alien system we set up works,â he called back, never breaking his messy groove. âCome on!â
It was hard to say no to him, his exictmnet so infectious, his care to make you smile being one of your favorute things about him. It had gotten you through a lot of long nights. So you dance, him spinning you around, you trying to dip him. Even when people walked by staring, it was just the two of you who existed in that moment. It was perfect, you never wanted to forget it. The joy of dancing with a person, your person. Maybe your alien planet was on to something.
You came back just as quickly, looking at him, really looking at him. It was like you had jumped into a memory, only now you were both older, more tiredâŠand potentially actually meeting aliens. You felt somewhat far away, in a daze, as he just waved his hand in front of you, waiting for you to take it.
âFor all I know, we could have actually hated each other,â he urged. âLet me keep the peace for a little bitâ.
âI donât think there is any world where I could hate you,â you replied, and you knew somewhere it was true, as you reached for his hand and he pulled you up.Â
The dancing was a mess for a while, the two of you laughing through the stupid moves. He did the one person wave at a certain point, one you eventually joined in on. Then you stumbled into his arms, him steadying you, holding you. And you just leaned into it, the feeling of safety, of knowing someone was holding you up when you felt so uneasy. His head gently rested on top of yours.Â
The two of you just swayed, the sound of the music mere background noise to the way your heartbeats became so loud. Thump. Thump. BEEEEEEEP
You jumped apart.
âApproaching Tau Ceti".
The two of you froze, two deers in the headlights. You hadnât considered what would happen when you actually reached Tau Ceti. For a while you were still sure this was some sort of bizarre dream.
Then, as if in sync, the two of you went into panic mode sprinting back down the hall to the control room.
â--
It was under controlâŠreally it was. You just were now floating in zero gravity and an alien ship was approaching.
Holy Fu- , wait you werenât cussing anymore, or thatâs what Ryland saidâŠHoly Fudge!
You stood there in awe, Ryland looked like he was turning a shade of pale that you had never seen before. The ship approached, getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it parked right beside the two of you. It was strange, practically glistening, made of shapes you never would consider for a ship. But all you cared about was that aliens were real and you had been right.
âI was right,â you whispered out, the revelation of it all taking you back.Â
âWhat?â he practically yelled, looking at you for some sort of answer.
You just turned to smile at him, two words, âalien girlâ.
The ship or Blip-A as the robotic voice continued to call it made itself known, so big it could swallow your ship up. There were a few moments where Ryland had tried to steer away, you gripped on to the back of the chair as he moved the ship back and forth. Then Blip-A would do the same thing. You went forward, their ship moved forward. You went back and they shifted back. It was like a game of Simone Says.
âWhat do you think it wants?â Ryland whispered, as if the other ship could hear, you turned your head and gave him a look. âWhat?â
âBlip-B approaching,â the robotic voice began, the two of you turning your heads in sync back to the screen. A small object was tumbling towards the two of you at an impressive rateâŠyeah okay maybe this was something to be worried about? But you couldnât help the curiosity that stirred in you, the want to understand those on the other ship, to learn their world, what made them happy. Well, if there was even anyone actually on that ship. Ryland went into a full panic mode you had gotten used to, you still gripping onto the pilot chair to stop yourself from floating too far away. You braced for impact, one that never game as the mental canister hit the side of your ship with a small DOINK.Â
âNot a bomb,â you corrected, Ryland could not tear his face away from the screen. âMaybe they are friendly aliens?â
âThere is no such thing as a friendly alien,â he bit back.
âWell, in our Alien class in college-â
He just glared at you once again, you smacked him on the head lightly with your hand, âMaybe they need helpâ.
âAnd maybe they want to inject us with eggs,â he looked at you like he had just said something profound.
âAnd you are a scientist?â you countered, a slight tilt of your head, still holding onto his chair.
The two of you watched for a while, just waiting for what was next. Maybe you were supposed to send something back. The two of you didnât have to wait long before the next âBlipâ was thrown, however this time much slower. They wanted the two of you to grab it, each move from them intentional.
âThey think we are dumb,â Rylan practically deadpanned.Â
âWell, we better prove them wrong,â you began, gaze intently on the small object tumbling through the air towards the two of you. You tuned your head slightly upwards, making sure your voice could be heard by your robot companion. âHow would we get to something like this?â
âNope, nope nope nope,â Rylands voice began to come back, shaking his hands at yoy.
âWould you like to take a space walk Dr. (Last Name)?â the voice spoke.
We were gonna die out here anyways, might as well do it all.Â
âYesâ you spoke up and Ryland said the opposite at the same time. You didnât even give him another look as you manuvered yourself down the hall, pushing against the wall to move, feeling so weightless. It was an odd feeling, one you had never experienced before and part of you was fine with maybe never expeirnecing it again. You were quick to find the set of spacesuits lining the walls, searching for one with your name on it. Now it became very clear how difficult it would be to get on but with the help of the computer voice you were able to find the manuel and squeeze your way inside.Â
In the middle of wiggling into the pants, Ryland came flying around the corner.Â
âWhat are you doing?â he asked, his voice in full panic. However, he too began to read the manuel, taking steps to pull the suit on.Â
âWe are taking a huge step in human history,â you replied, like it was the obvious choice. âFirst contactâ.
The two of you moved in a sort of connectedness, him putting on his suit because you said you would. It was how you worked, two people, trying to survive this all. And to do that, sometimes you had to do something insane and hope it worked. You stood in the tunnel now tethered to the inside of the ship, deprezerization happening around you as the door opened. You couldnât have been prepared, how could you? The image of the infinity of space before you made your heart ache and deep down you knew this was big for you. You moved forward until you were just at the edge, nothing but stars. You were about to take the step when Ryland Grace came flying into you, shooting the both of you out of the ship.Â
His grip on yours was tight, the two of you wrapped together as you drifted out into the stars. You looked at him, really looked at him, his glasses slightly tilted inside his helmet. You wished you could reach out and adjust them for him.Â
âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him.
You would unpack all of that later, the hug feeling even more familiar now, even more personal. You gently released your hands wrapped around him and nodded with your head back in the direction of the small object tumbling closer and closer.
He nodded, the two do your drifting back towards the ship until you could grip onto the rialing outside of it. In a sort of quiet understanding, Ryland tied your tethers around the railings so you could move up and down the hull of the ship without drifting too far.
âWho do you think's gonna get it first?â he spoke through the radio system within the suits. A challenge, you didnât have to even look to know he was looking at you with that stupid grin.
âWell I know itâs not gonna be you,â you bit back, eyes set on the object tumbling closer and closer.Â
Then he jumped and you did too, the two of you reaching for it, your hands getting closer and closer to the object until you were holding it tightly. You went to celebrate when Ryland Grace did it again, flying into you, this time on purpose, sending the two of you flying. You shut your eyes, grip on it so tight.
âI just sacked the quarterback,â he joked, grip still tight around you, the small cylinder pressed between the two of you, keeping you apart. Then you just laughed, laughed so hard you could barely breathe. Because you were in space, with a stranger you once knew, trying to catch an item from an alien ship and Ryland Grace had tackled you like it was football. And he laughed too, and for a moment, so small you could almost miss it, everything felt right. For a moment, a very small moment, you felt like you remembered him fully.
And when you looked at him, you knew he was someone important to you.
------
You sat at your desk, head propped up on your hand as you absentmindedly clicked your pen over and over. Enough that the sound began to fade into the background, anything to break the silence.
Procgess had been made in the past couple of days. Especially with the discovery of the centrifuge system. And then there was, of course, that other discovery. As in your new neighbor. As in, the alien.Â
You had yet to meet the guy but the new presence felt rather large. An alien ship had tethered themselves to your ship and you were sitting and clicking a pen for entertainment. You paused the clicking, glancing up at the camera psoitioned on your desk. Ryland thought it would be good to film logsâŠguess there was a first time for everything. Even if an alien encounter was not one of those things yet.Â
You reached up to hit a switch on the camera at the desk, watching as the red recording light began to blink on.Â
âHi, uh, I am sure RylandâŠor well, Dr. Grace has shared with you that we have made contact with an alien,â you began, leaning back in your seat. âI havenât yetâ.
A quiet laugh slipped out, the words sounded insane speaking them out loud.
âHe said he had to make the sacrifice just in case,â you explained. âBecause I know more about Tau Ceti than him so he would be less of a lossâ.
You shook your head at the idea, a smile tugging at your lips no matter how hard you tried to keep it off.
âWhich is-â you trailed off trying to find the word. â...kinda endearing if you really think about itâŠin a sort of messed up and terrifying kinda way?â
Your gaze dropped back to your hands for a moment before reaching for the pen. Click. Click. Click.
âBut I wouldnât really call him dying instead of me a success,â you were quiter now, gaze still set on the pen. âIâd rather not be aloneâ.
The words hung in the air, heavy. You had developed a mindset quickly on this ship, well after a lot of denial. You were dying. It was as simple as that, because there really was no other choice. And you would live like that, like there was no tomorrow. There was no time for hiding or being scared, it was a time for risks. It was a hard pill to swallow, sometimes that pill would get stuck in yor throat still no matter how hard you tried to wash it down with water.
You cleared your throat, setting the pen down. Your eyes drifted to the small figurine you had placed on your desk. The first time he had made contact he had returned with a small sculpture, a figurine that looked like two human shapes entangled in a hug, a tether tying them together. You were quick to realize it was the two of you when you had first entered space.Â
You smiled.
âNot like you guys arent great company,â you continued, gaze fixing back on the camera. âBut heâs kinda growing on meâŠjust donât tell him that, it will get to his head pretty quicklyâ.
The sound of footsteps caught your attention, your head turning, seeing Ryland now leaned against the entrance to the room. He acknowledged the camera with a nod, giving it an awkward wave, well more like a flick of his hand, before turning back to you.
âLetâs go,â he said, gesturing down the hall with his head before continuing in the direction.
No explanation. What was new? You turned back to the camera.
âHe does this a lot,â you admitted. âJust absolutely zero contextâ.
You looked back to see if he was there still.Â
âHe is not a perfect teammateâ.
âNot true,â his voice called through the ship.
You gave the camera a look, whispering a quiet, âthis guyâ.
âAnd grab your alien shirt!â he called out again and you quickly sat up in realization.
Oh. Oh Oh OH!
You snapped your head back to the camera, so fast that it made you dizzy for a second. Eyes wide, grin so big it was actively stretching your face. Reaching up, you clicked the switch for the camera, giving one last wave and then you lept into immediate action.
You found Ryland halfway in his suit, slightly struggling with one of the clasps, even so he refused to ask for any help, just giving a small thumbs up in your direction.
You were quick to grab your suit, attempting to catch up. But your hand shook with energy and you werenât sure where to place it or how to use it. Your skin felt like it was on fireâŠin the best possible way.
This was it.
This was really it.
You wrestled with the zipper for a second before pulling it up. As you stood back up, you came face to face with the man, him standing there holding your helmet, placing it on your head. With a click it secured and he tapped on it like it was a fish tank. You fliched slightly, shoving him back.
âAm I really a bad teammate?â he asked and as you looked at him you realized he wasnât fully joking.Â
You paused for a second, scanning his face,
âYeah,â you answered, flatly.
You just as quickly smiled and tapped back on the glass of his helmet, his eyes meeting yours.
âNot at all. I got pretty luckyâ.
The tension in his body slightly eased at that, a smile growing onto his face.
âI should have let you come the first time,â he admitted, beginning to walk down the hall. âYou are the alien expert. I am just some guy who was wrong about waterâ.
âEveryones wrong sometimes,â you replied, trailing behind him. âYou know, you kinda have to be every once in a whileâ.
At that, he glanced back at you.
âCanât find the right answer if there hasnât been a couple wrong ones,â you continued with a shrug of your shoulders.
The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, a growing understanding between the two of you. It was funny, you felt like you had known him your whole life. Maybe you had? Or maybe you just had been together for far too long on this ship with no one else but this guy and a camera. Either way, it could have been worse. You were happy with whoever decided they should send you up with the middle school science teacher.Â
When the door opened you were immediately blown back into the wall, you landing with a loud thud. A quiet groan escaped you. He had left that part out when he told you about his first encounter.
âHey, hey,â Ryland began, scooting over to you, hand gently placed on your shoulder. âYou okay? That has never happened beforeâ.
You just nodded, at a loss for words for the tunnel system in front of you. It was a hard thing to fully comprehend, that there was another life form existing in parallel to your own. One that could build tunnels that connect to your ship.
âGravity?â you just spoke up, standing to take a few steps into the tunnel, boots still connected to the ground.Â
âThis, uhâŠyeah this is new,â he replied, standing up from where he had fallen and walking to meet you. âJust be prepared, this guy is pretty jumpyâ.
You nodded, one again embracing the silence, taking in everything with each step. You knew Ryland was behind you, you knew he would be ready to help if anything were to happen. But you could not get yourself to be fearful, ever since Ryland brought back the small figurine, you knew this was not a harmful connection.Â
The end of the tunnel was made of different glass pieces, or something resembling glass, all creating different angles. You reached up, gently pressing your gloved hand to it, looking into the darkness behind it.
âI just, kinda tapped last time,â he offered, you smiled.
âVery scientific approach Dr. Grace,â you joked, glancing back at him.
A piece of you ached inside to feel how this would have felt having you remembered everything. But your body has not forgotten. Your body grew with energy, your heart thudding in your chest, your fingers practailly tingling, a smile so wide it could not be suppressed. You reached out and gently tapped on the wall and that's when you saw it, a small figure dash across your view.
You tapped on more time, soft, inviting, other hand still pressed to the glass. Then it appeared, a spider-like rock formation, slowly moving its way towards you. It stopped, moving its body in a way that reminded you of how a dog would tilt its head in interest and confusion. Then it reached out, a small hand placed against your palm, the glass being the only thing stopping full contact.
âDr. Grace showed me the figure you had made of us,â you spoke, quiet, not wanting to scare your alien neighbor. âThank you, it was beautifulâ.
The creature in response made a symphony of noises, as if you played all the chords of a piano at once. A quiet laugh of astonishment left your your head turning to glance at Ryland whose gaze was on you. A gentle smile and a thumbs up, his signature move.
There was a burn in your eyes, it was all so overwhelming. All you could do was laugh, unsure what to do with all the pent up emotion.Â
The alien made another sound before tapping on the glass. You tapped again, the two of you going back and forth until it let out an almost grunt. You paused, stopping. He tapped again in a direction behind you and you followed it.Â
âOh,â you breathed out, seeing another capsule. âIs that for us?â
The symphony of noise returned, the creature jumping around, moving erratically.
Ryland walked over to grab it before you could, coming to meet you by the glass, gently twisting it open. Inside was another modelâŠfigureâŠart piece? It was close in resemblance to a letter eight, small blue dots lining the exterior of the rings.Â
âWow,â Ryland, spoke up as you continued to admire it. âYeah, wow, I donât have anything like thisâ.
The way he sounded genuine made you break your focus to smile. It was sweet.
âWhat is it?â he asked, more quietly, turning back to you.Â
You could only shrug, trying to examine every angle of it. Everything so far had a meaning, but maybe this was the exception?
You looked back up at the alien, waving the art piece in his direction, âit is beautiful, thank youâ.
Ryland reached for it and you handed it over as he tried to place it on his head, âIs it a hat?â
The alien just grumbled in response, beginning to erratically tap again. You watched, trying to understand.
âMaybe a bow tie?â you asked, grabbing it from him and setting it against where the collar of his shirt would be.
The alien just continued to explode with sound and then you turned to watch him, really watch him. His two limbs reached up to tap his headâŠor you assumed it was head. He then gestured as if removing it, you slightly tilted your head.
âYou want us to take off our heads?â Ryland spoke up, confusion lacing his tone. âBuddy, I am not sure how it works for you but this is kinda all connectedâ.
You slightly glared at him, he just shrugged. Thank you captain obvious.Â
The alien once again repeated the actionâŠhead? No, OH, helmet, he was meaning helmet.
âOur helmets?â you asked and the alien bursted with even more sound. You glanced back down at the figure in your hand, the pieces starting to connect. He had made the tunnel adaptable for the two of you, there was gravity and now, there was oxygen.Â
You looked back up at Ryland, showing him the piece again, âitâs oxygenâŠits the symbol for oxygenâ.
âWhat?â he looked at you in confusion, taking the piece and turning it around. Then he held it up to the creature. âYou are clever buddyâ.
The alien just continued its explosion of emotion, once again repeating the gesture. You followed along, reaching up to unclasp the helmet when you flet a hand rest on yours.Â
âMaybe this isnât the smartest idea,â he said, quieter this time, sending a quick glance towards your neighbor before snapping back to you. âI mean, this is a life or death kinda choice hereâŠâ
âAnd we arenât already in a life or death situation anyways?â you bit back, he opened his mouth and then closed it. âI trust himâ.
âYou just met himâ.
âAnd he made us a sculpture, created gravity and gave me a high-five,â you pushed back. âMost guys I have met donât even open my car door for meâ.
âYou know, you just said something pretty profound back inside,â he countered, hand tighter on yours now to stop the movement. âYou said people can be wrong sometimesâ.
âWell I am notâ.
âWellâŠwe donât really know if this is just some weird hat he madeâ.
You just stared at him, he stared back, then slowly his grip released and he nodded.
âI wonât change your mind,â he took a few steps back, a look of uncertainty on his face, shown futher in the posture of his body. Alert. Stiff.
You gave him a nod of ressaunace and a thumbs up, his classic, before turning back to the alien. Gently reaching back up, you unclasped the helmet and began to pull it off. Your heart beat in your chest louder and louder and louder, your ribcage felt as if it was shaking.Â
Then you gasped, taking in the air and for a second panic filled you. You opened your eyes, gaze snapping to himâŠyou were breathing. You laughed in pure astonishment, the alien creature celebrating with you, and Rylan looked like he had just aged fifty years watching it happen.
It was late, the moons shining through the windows of the library, your desk in the corner lit by a small lamp. The usual, Ryland and you, there way too late. You flipped through your textbook, he stared at you in disbelief.
âYou totally think aliens are real, donât you?â Ryland spoke up from across the table you were studying at, finishing up notes for the class you shared.
âWell,â you stumbled for the right words. It wasnât that unbelievable. âI mean, it would be kinda coolâ.
âNo, no, donât shrug it off like that,â he pushed. âYou lied, you did not take this class cause you had toâ.
âOkay, fine!â you practically yelled, earning a few annoyed glares from others still studying. âI justâŠI mean is it that crazy of an idea? The universe is quite literally endless, there has to be somethingâ.
He just smiled at you, that dumb smile, one you would normally throw a pencil at his face for. But you just smiled back because he didnât laugh, didnât make his usual dumb joke, he just nodded.
âOkay alien girl,â he began. âI will be waiting for your name to pop up on the news when you are the first to make contact with oneâ.
And you nodded back, cause he would.
And you had just done it, you made contact with an alienâŠholy shit. Where was your shirt again?
------
How do you prepare for an alien to move in? The answer, after much scientific researchâŠyou really canât. The presence of Rocky, what Ryland had named him, was not a small one. You couldnât ignore him, he was a permanent part of your lives, your new partner. And yes, he had opinions on everything. After the two of you had found his voice, most nights were spent with Ryland asleep in the tunnel while Rocky and you talked all night. You asked him any questions you could think of, him happy to answer in exchange for a few of his own for you. Sometimes the two of you would get too loud and Ryland would throw a pillow at you, which you would of course throw back. Grace okay? Rocky would ask and you would reply Yes, Grace is just cranky when he doesnât sleep. The rock laughed at that, you did tooâŠand even Rylan did from his sleeping state on the ground.
Most days were spent answering Rockys questions as the three of you worked through solving the Astrophage problem, the connector between the three of you. You all had a misson, one you would complete. There was now more than one world that depended on it.
âWhat do you miss most about home, Rock?â Ryland asked one night, the three of you in the projection room. Ryland sat against the hamster ball Rocky had made hismelf while you laid down on your back, staring up at the screens, listening and chiming in when you could.
You could think of a few things you missed, memories drifting in with each day.
Rocky sat with it for a while before speaking up, âMy mateâ.
As if in sync, Ryland and you both turned your heads to him, you finally completely tuning into the situation. The two of you shared a look.
âYou have a mate?â Ryland asked, then stopped. âNot thatâŠthatâs like shocking itâs just-â
âHe means how long have you been together?â you stepped in, Ryland relaxing back against the aliens enclosure.Â
âHmm,â Rocky perked up as he talked, though you sensed the sadness that still followed him. â186.3 yearsâ.
âThatâs incredible buddy,â Ryland replied, gently patting the ball.
âNot long enough,â the alien replied, settling back down, a few quiet symphonic sounds leaving him.
You understood, understood more than you wished you had. It never was. It never would be. You scooted over to the other side of the ball, leaning against it, gently patting it as Ryland had earlier.
âWe are gonna solve this and get you back buddy,â you spoke up, facing towards the screen, taking in the world you had left behind forever. A pit settled in your stomach, at least he would be able to return home, that was enough to keep you going. âYour mate will be so proud of youâ.
Rocky shared his mates name, a beautiful symphony of sound that only the person you loved could ever be represented by. A silence settled over the three of you, the sound of waves crashing coming from the speakers. They were loud, they felt familiar, maybe you used to enjoy the waves.Â
âHow long have Grace and (Last Name) been mate?â the alien spoke from the silence. And you and Ryland both snapped back to life instantly. You met his eyes for a second before turning away, trying to form words.Â
âWe arenât-â Ryland began.
âWe arenât mates,â you fisnihed for him, him sending you a grateful look. Rocky, always so blunt.
âThen why bicker like mates?â Rocky pushed further. âWhy Grace look at you like that when you do not see, question?â
You kept your eyes planted to your hands, scared what would happen if you let them wander. Did he really look at you? Maybe thatâs what you had been, long before this, maybe there had been a time where it was something more. You felt it, it lingered in the air, in the memories that would stir. It lingered in the present too, in late nights and honest conversations, in the way he looked at you when you took off your helmet, in the nights he would drape a blanket over you when you fell asleep at your desk.
You were about to answer, try your best to muster words, when Grace beat you to it.
âI am tired,â Ryland said, standing up, not giving a second glance to either of you. âI, uh, I am gonna head to bedâ.
You noticed that with him recently, when questions got hard. It had happened a few days ago when Rocky had asked about going home.
You watched as he jumped down from the platform, heading into the hall, him dragging a hand down his face. You sat there for a while, in silence, unsure how to feel. What did you expect? There had not been any reason to assume anything, and he justâŠhe wanted to leave an awkward conversation. But was it really that hard of a question?
âGrace okay?â Rocky spoke up, tapping on the part of the xenonite ball closest to your head.
âYeah, â you replied, not because it was honest but because it was easy.
âDr. (Last Name) okay too?â and you could only laugh at that, cause you hadnât truly been okay in a while, not since before you woke up on this ship.Â
âYeah, buddy, I am okay,â you turned around to face him instead, tapping your fist against the ball, in which he mirrored.Â
You glnaced back at the exit to the room and you werenât sure why this time was different, what the pull was, but you got up.
âI am gonna get ahead on some of my work tomorrow,â you spoke more abruptly. âI will see you in the morning, Rockâ.
âFriend need help, question?â he spoke up and the words, those three words felt like a punch to the gut. You just shook your head at him and you were sure he sensed the feeling as he rolled back to lay in his ball.
You made your way through the hall quickly, turning each corner sharp until you made it to the dormitory again. There Ryland sat, edge of his bed, head in his hands. You had never seen him look so small and you were almost scared to approach him, like he might shatter.
You stepped slowly into the room, pausing right next to him, he made no move to akcnolwged you. Placing your hand on his back, you gently moved it up and down, him leaning into the touch, giving his weight over to you. You let him be selfish, let him give you something to carry because he always was the one doing it for you.Â
It was a while before he spoke, his words loud in the silence of the room. It was the quietest it had been since Rocky moved in.Â
âIâm sorry about what happened in there,â he spoke, so quiet, words thin and shaky. He took in a breath, barely getting a full breath in. âItâs justâŠeverything is a lot right nowâ.
You just shook your head, hand still trailing up and down his back, âwe donât have to talk right nowâ.
âNo,â he stopped you, meeting your eyes, his so heavy. âI want to. I need toâ.
Then the silence greeted the two of you again, but not uncomfortable, just knowing. You moved to sit beside him on the edge of the bed, watching as he sat fidgeting with his hands.
âDo you ever get memories of the two of us before all this?â He asked, though his eyes did not leave his hands.
You nodded, even if he wasnât looking, the question making you glance to your hands as well, âYeahâŠyeah all the timeâ.
There was silence again but there was something in the air, a push and pull, a want to speak and a fear of what would come out. You glanced past your hands at the floor, gently bumping your leg against his, he bumped it back.
âWe really liked studying late in the library,â you joked, still quiet, just for the two of you, as if Earth could hear you from all the way out here.
He let out a breathy laugh in reply, âyeah we really didâ.
âI think we worked well together,â you added, then pausing to correct yourself. âWe still work really well togetherâ.
You watched as his hand slowly moved closer, till it rested atop of yours. A reminder that you were both there, alive, breathing. The words of Rocky echoed in your head over and over, a broken record, that it was ânot enoughâ. Thatâs what it felt like, a ticking timer, its numbers growing smaller and smaller. Even if you had accepted it, even if you told yourself you did. This right now, with him, it would never be enough.
âI think I loved you,â he spoke from the silence and you looked up from your hands, meeting his eyes. You searched his face for any sign he was joking, maybe he was messing with you like he always did. But he was there, fully there, looking at you. And you knew, you knew for a while you had loved him too. âAnd I never got to tell you thatâ.
âWhy didnât you?â You asked, an uncertainty in your question. A push and pull between wanting to know and peaceful ignorance. He swallowed, and you just watched him, watched him fight for words.
âDo you remember?âÂ
You just shook your head, pleading with your mind to catch up in this moment, to tell you why.
âDo you?â you asked, quiet, waiting for the truthâŠand he just shook his head.
âI just know I didnâtâŠI owe you an answer,â he replied, hand gripped tighter on yours. âI love you, I know I love youâŠI think I have always loved youâ.
The words just floated, words you knew you needed to hear, but words you had not expected. You just nodded, unsure of what words you could possibly give back to him. What words were enough at this moment? You wanted to pull him close, wrap your arms around him and tell him you loved him, of course you loved him. You felt it when you saw him the first time, a pull towards him, one only love could possibly create.
âI know,â you whispered, scared to admit it, scared that it would be there, a constant reminder of what you could not have. âI love youâ.
This was present, not past, not âlovedâ, it was there. Because you did. You loved when he would do the stupid dance moves anytime he got something right. You loved how he would make you laugh when you were spiraling. You loved how you bickered and how he looked at you like you were a genius, even when he teased that he was smarter. You loved him, you had seen it in every memory that had come back. You saw it when you left your home to join his research without a second thought. You loved him but life was cruel and time was not on your side, not even a little.
âI love you and I am scared,â he spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts. The tension in your body slightly eased, but the pit in your stomach grew deeper. You tried to meet his eyes but he would not look at you, his gaze cast down, his hand moving down to fidget with your fingers. You werenât sure if he knew they were yours or thought they were his. The thought made you smile. âBecause we are going to die out here and itâs not fair. Itâs not fair to you if I tell you this knowing we are just going to dieâ.
âI would rather die knowing,â you admitted, hand gently reaching out to cup his jaw, pulling his gaze up to yours. His eyes rimmed red, watery. He blinked a few times, shook his head, tried to erase the emotions he could not escape. âIâd rather know we will die and get to love you than pretend and try not to love you at allâ.
Silence.
âI canât keep getting these memories and not pretend you arenât the most important person in the world to meâ.
Silence again, your heart was beating so loud you could barely hear the words you were speaking.
âAnd if you can pretend, good for you,â you continued, quietly, gently releasing your grip on his face. But he just grabbed your wrists before you moved too far, carefully placing it back where it was.
âI canât pretend anymore,â he admitted, shaky. âI canât.â
âThen letâs stop,â you spoke, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Because in space, time ticking lower and lower, it seemed like maybe it was. And there, something snapped, him reaching to cup your jaw. You grew closer and closer, foreheads hovering against the other.
âAre you sure?â he asked, his thumb brushing gently against your jaw.Â
You just nodded, âAre you?â
âIâve been sure since I first saw you again,â he replied, leaning into your touch, something you didnât know you needed so badly. âIâve known before I even understood whyâ.
Whatever hesitation left slipped away in that moment as your bodies allowed for it, allowed you to be selfish, the space between you closing. The magnets had finally collided. The kiss was so soft, you committed the feeling to memory. You never wanted to stop feeling it.Â
He was so careful, like you might shatter right there. And you just might, the feeling so overwhelming. And then it deepened, just slightly, the pent up hunger for something you both had tried so hard to fight. You scooted closer, as close as you could, his hand traveling up your jaw and slightly gripping into your hair. For a moment, one small moment, the ticking clock seemed to stop.
He pulled away with an âI love youâ on his lips before you could even speak. You met his eyes, and there was something there. It was bittersweet, knowing there would come a time where you would no longer get to see his eyes right in front of you. The thought made your stomach turn, a familiar burninig in your eyes. You hoped that if there was something after all of this, after life, that it would be a place you could still see his eyes.
âI know I should have said it a long time ago, I should have given us more time-ââ
The words knocked you back, it felt like a blow to the stomach as your head pounded, it always seemed to feel heavy but this felt different. It all falls into place, all those missing pieces, the scientists in the bar, the conversation on the deck, the volunteeringâŠthe goodbye.Â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You stand up, your head pouding as you hold onto it, feeling as if it might explode. You slightly stumble, falling against a wall for support, Ryland is quick to follow. You slide down the wall, slightly caving in on yourself, pulling your knees to your just. There were so many emotions coming to you at one, regret, fear, anger, longingâŠlove.
âHey, hey, hey," he says gently, reaching down to try and help you. âWhatâs happening? WhatâŠwhatâs going on?â
You look up and there is a panic in his eyes, one to match your own. You try to speak but you canât, you canât find the words.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air And he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word.
âTalk to me,â his voice comes back, his hand stretched out to you, you now sitting back against the wall. Your hands gripped your head, your eyes burned and your body shook. There were so many feelings, too many. You just shoved his hand away, before you could even process that it was there. âJust tell me you are okayâ.
âYou didnât say it,â you whispered out, scared to say it, scared to acknowledge that it was real.Â
âWhat?â he asked, gently crouching down to your level, gently reaching to brush hair out of your face, you shifted your head away. âWhat didnât I say?â
âYou didnât tell me to stay,â and the look on his face was one of unimaginable regret. âYou let me get on this shipâ.
âYou wanted to,â he pushed back and your heart dropped. âI meanâŠcome on, itâs not, it reall-â
âYou knew,â the realization hurt more than the memory. He didnât say anything, he had said he didnât know why. He had pretended like it was fine but he knewâŠhe knew why you were here.
âI didnât want to go back to all that,â he tried to reason, and it reminded you of the memory, the samn panic on his face. âI finally have this, I finally have you and it didnâtâŠI didnât want to-â
âSo you just were never going to tell me?â you looked at him, searched his face for something to understand. âWhat? You were just gonna hope it never came back to me?â
The same silence as he fought for his words.
âWhy didnât you stop me?â you finally asked, an answer you knew had been weighing on you, a feeling in your stomach you did not understand until this moment. âPlease Rylandâ.
And it was like dejavu, the same as the memory as he did not say anything. You flet it all over again.
âI stay up at night wondering why I couldnât have just said it,â his voice was so fragile, you looked up to meet his gaze and this time he was looking at you, focused on you. âAnd I wonder if maybe we would be living a normal life right now. Maybe weâd be together and youâd be doing your research and I would still be teaching. And maybe you would have come into my class sometimes as a guest teacher andâŠmy kids would have loved youâ.
A choked laugh escaped him at the thought as he reached up to run his hand though his hair. You let him talk, let him make up for all the silence as you just waiited to understand.Â
âAnd then I think about how I couldnât have ever stopped you,â he spoke again. âBecause you have always loved space more than Earth and then I wonder if I maybe could have but would that have been fair?â
âI just wanted to know,â you finally spoke up, and you shifted slightly, patting the space next to you, inviting him to sit rather than couch infront of you. He accepted, sitting beside you. âI just wanted you to stop being so scared and say itâŠbecause I dropped everything to come and help youâ.
âAnd I begged Eva Stratt for days leading up to take off to put me on that ship,â he admitted.
You hadnât thought about it really, about how he had gotten there.
âYour mission was to find purpose and see Tau Ceti,â he said. âAnd mine was to tell you that I love youâŠbecause I could not stay on Earth without youâ.
The words were so loud.
âThat was my mission, that is why I am here,â he continued. âAnd if you are mad at me, I understand whyâŠbut I will take those few seconds you were not and know it was worth leaving everything behind just for thatâ.
The clock seemed to come back, ticking louder and louder in your brain. The heavy realization that this was it, that there would be a day where this was gone and there would no longer be the pain and the wondering and the want. That there would come a time where you would not get to hate or love Ryland Grace anymore. And if you could pick one, you would love him for as long as you could. Even if you were mad, even if you wished it was different, he was still here and he had left the world for you.
âWe are going to die out here,â you spoke, bluntly and obviously. âAnd I wonât do that angry at you, I wonâtâ.
"Let me fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding so small. "Let me love you with the time we have".
You just leaned your head on his shoulder in response, his head resting a top of yours, a silent agreement. A silent truce. A page turned because dwelling in the past had become something you learned you could not do anymore. You wondered why people ever had at all? Because life was meant to be lived, because the past could offer you only ways to change and grow, it was not a place to remain in. It was your guide forward into a better future.Â
âWe would have had a good life together,â you spoke from the quiet, honest, no more pretending.Â
âWe will,â he corrected. âI mean it isnât really how I pictured it, but the views are pretty nice up hereâ.
You just laughed, laughed at how ridiculous this all was. How he had chased you all the way into the depths of the solar system, all the way into a new one entirely.Â
âI will take any time I can with you,â he spoke, gently reaching up to wipe a tear that had escaped. âI would take a few secondsâ.
âThis sucks,â your voice cracking slightly, a small huff of laughter escaping you because what else could you do.
âA little less with you here,â he corrected and you just smiled, a watery smile.
âGrace and (Last Name) not go home, question?â the familiar voice caused your head to snap towards the entrance to the room. The normally loud creature had somehow made himself a fly on the wallâŠyou wondered how long he had been there.
âHey buddy,â you squeaked out, wiping your eyes with the palm of your hand, sitting uop straight.Â
âRocky not understand, why not go back to Earth, question?â he persisted
The question was a hard one to answer, one you wanted to keep avoiding. To speak it into the air was to acknowledge that it would come soon, that it was real.Â
âThis is a one way trip for us,â Ryland spoke, calculated and straightforward, though you could hear the slight shake at the end of his words. âThey gave us enough Astrophage to make it to Tau Ceti and then we will send our findings back on probesâ
âWe have our mission and then we will be done,â you added, Rocky rolling into the room to stand in front of where the two of you sat. You shifted slightly, an appropriate distance, but his hand still lingered on your thigh, your hand atop of his.
âNo understandâ Rocky just repeated, shifting back and forth in his ball as if he were pacing. You would have laughed if the conversation wasnât about your inevitable death floating out in space.
âEarth is too far from here for us to get back Rock,â you continued, a shaky breath, a glance at Ryland, anything to ground yourself. You told yourself you were fine with it. But the thought, the thought of a normal life with Ryland, it ached all over your body. âWe have enough food to get us through a couple of years-â
âAnd then what, question?â
âWe will die,â Ryland answered, no longer beating around the bush. âWe chose this mission knowng we would die out hereâ.
We chose this mission. Rockys movements only got more exaggerated, him shifting around in a panic. Ryland gave your hand one squeeze before standing up to follow Rocky as he zoomed around the room.
âWe, uh, we have made peace with it,â though it sounded like more of a question than a statement. âWe know what will happen and we have made peace with itâ.
Rocky stopped moving, turning back to Ryland who now stood in front of him, trying to corral him like a dog that had escaped the house.
âHow much you need return Earth, question?â he spoke up, rolling back towards you, Ryland trailing behind him, trying to catch up with his quick changes in direction.
âAround two million kilogram,â the words sounded hopeless.
âI can giveâ.
Your gaze moved quickly to meet Rylands, an astonished look on his face. You tried to breathe, tried to keep yourself grounded, to not let yourself consider the option.
"I have extra. Can give that much from my ship and still have plenty for return to Erid".
"Rocky, you cant do thatâ.
âThat's too much to ask for Buddy," Ryland replied.
âLet Rocky fix,â he insisted, rolling to your side, as if he were sitting next to you. âRocky crew die, Rocky cannot fix. Rocky friends need help, Rocky fixâ.
Ryland had practically slammed himself into you on the ground, him holding you so tightly, a laugh of disbelief escaping him. The chance, the chance for something else for the two of you. Rocky bumped against you.
âConfsued, confused, confused,â as he rammed into your side. âGrace hurt Alien Girlâ.
Someone had leaked the nickname. You pulled away to give a pointed look at Ryland, he just shrugged his smile so wide.Â
âGet in here Rock,â he said, pushing the creature into your embrace, the two of you wrapping your arms around his sphere.Â
âConfused,â he repeated, insisting.
âIt's a hug Rocky,â you replied. âJust go with itâ.
The three of you moved with a newly lit passion, a new ease in the way you worked. There was hope, there was a future, a world where you would all make it back. The journey continued on, a new sense of understanding between Ryland and you. It was small glances in the lab, kissing in the hallway whenever you could get a minute away from RockyâŠthough he would normally somehow find the two of you, it was late night talking about what life would be like when you returned. A hopeful view of a world that could be better.
You worked hard, trying to understand whatever you could about Astrophage, as you got closer and closer to Tau Ceti E. And when the bright green planet comes into view you finally understand why you had picked this system to study. It was beyond what you could imagine, the siwling greens and oranges and reds so vibrant.Â
âLadie and Gentleman,â Ryland spoke. âI give you Tau Ceti Eâ.
You could just nod, no words fully encapsulating everything you felt in that moment as you looked at the planet. Your lifes work, there, in front of you. And when you walked out onto the hull of the ship with Ryland, you felt as though you could not breathe. It was astonishment on a level you never knew was possible. You were really seeing it, a system you had studied your whole life. And it was then you understood what Ryland meant when he said he could have never stopped youâŠbecause this was everything you had worked for.Â
âIs everything okay over there?â a knowing laugh at the end of his words.
âYeah,â you spoke up, unable to form words. âItâs justâŠwowâ.
âIt is wow,â he agreed, coming to float beside you, bumping your shoulder. You looked at him, him already looking at you, as if you were Tau Ceti E itself.Â
You think you blackout by the time you are back in the ship, so overwhelmed by emotion. You were sure your brain turned off once the Astrophage had surrounded you, the red dots filling your vision. Your brain could not handle it, as you sat back down insid the ship, buzzed with adrenaline. And when the data shows that there is another life form on Tau Ceti E eating the astropage to keep it balanced, you feel your body almost collapse. You laugh, an extremely loud laugh, the only thing your body could do.Â
âWhat?â Ryland asked, him and Rocky turning to look at you.
âI was right,â you speak, much quieter than the laugh, hand coming up to wipe your eyes. This was not the time, there was work to do.Â
âYou were right,â Ryland reassures, a nod and a smile, one as if he knew all along that you were. And you could just smile back, giving yourself a moment to feel it all. To feel that accomplishment after years of work, after almost giving up. You know your parents are out there somewhere in the universe smiling because they knew too. They knew you would do it all and it had taken you so long to truly believe that you were capable of it.
You jumped into action once more, because this was what you had prepared for, because this was what you had studied. And you knew. Right then, that you were meant to be up there, Ryland and Rocky and youâŠall of you with one risky plan. A risky plan you would pull off.
And you would, you would get close. When the alarms start flashing so loud, you start to wonder how it went wrong. The beeping rattles through your body, each flash of red light burning your eyes as you try to copilot Rocky as Ryland attempts to get the sample. It is a flash, a blur, your brain moving too fast for you to even process. And when the ship turns too sharp and you bang your head against the control board, you feel your hearing start to dwindle first. You blink over and over, trying to stop it but your head is pounding and you can barely keep your eyes open. You slump against the board, you call out for help for anything and you hear the panic, muffled voice of Rocky call back. Your name is yelled over and over again until you feel nothing at all.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
You wake up gasping for air, shooting up from your bed trying to focus your vision, as everything begins to come back to you. Ryland and Rocky and the sample on Tau Ceti E. The panic feels worse the second time around. You move quickly, looking around, when you see Ryland asleep on the bed beside yours. You cautiously move towards him, hand gently running through his hair, your other moving to his chest. He was breathing and you feel a sense of calm wash over you at the fact.Â
Then you realize that it is quiet, much too quiet and you move quickly out of the room and into the halls. Your head still pounded and the running made you dizzy but you pushed through to get to the main room. Then you see it, the splotches on the ground all leading to a small figure crumbled on the floor. You rush quickly, so quickly, dropping to the floor to meet your alien roommate. You move your hands over him, feeling no sense of movement. Your heart beat won't steady, your breathing is ragged as you move to pick him up. You move him gently, as careful as you can back to the area he had built himself, back in his own atmosphere. And you knew then what he had done, what he had risked to make sure Ryland and you survived. You stand there for a while, watching himâŠjust waiting.
âYou gotta pull through, okay buddy?â you speak as if he can hear you, words trembling as they escape you. âYou are the smartest part of this teamâ.
You donât know how long it is until you feel a hand on your shoulder, your head snapping and your body only calming when you realize it's him. He's alive, he is okay. And you pull your arms around him just as quick, head pressed to his chest listening as his heart beats in a steady rhythm. He does the same, arms wrapped, holding tightly for as long as he could. There was just silence, no words big enough, his head just gently rested atop of yours like it always found its way to. A gentle kiss placed on your forehead, a rhythm of his hand moving up and down your back.
You pull away, you look at each other and just nod. You fall back into that familiar pattern, no words needed as you move around the lab organzing all the samples and getting it ready for Rocky. So closeâŠyou were so close and you would all make it. You had to.
A few nights pass, the two of you moving all the samples of Taumoeba into the tanks Rocky had crafted. He would be so excited.
You are sitting at the desk when Ryland comes to join you, sitting beside you. It was like this most nights, most nights the two of you wouldnât even say a word.
But he spoke this time, he spoke with a hope that had not left him just yet, âwhat color would we paint our walls?â
You laugh at the simplicity of the question, âyou asking me to move in Grace?â
âI thought that was established,â he shrugged, a small smile as laid his head against the desk, you moving to do the same. Heads laid on the table, the two of you just faced the other, smiling. âI mean, we have been living in this space tube for a while alreadyâ.
âI gotta think about it, the wall color is a big decision,â you humor him back, let yourself believe that you would still make it home. âWe got some time thoughâ.
The silence is normal now, almost more normal than any sound.
âDo you think he is just sleeping?â you speak up, wanting some sort of answer, one you knew you wouldnât be able to get.
âHe sleeps like a rock,â he tries to joke, but it falls back into the silence. He sits up again, running his hand down your back again, you leaning into any comfort you could get. âHe is strong, he is gonna pull throughâ.
Neither of you knew that, but you would choose to believe it cause it made it all easier. None of this was easy.
âI donât like this,â you let yourself be selfish, be completely truthful and it felt good to not pretend you were alright. âI hate not knowing what is gonna happen next. Not knowing if any of this will even workâ.
He just nodded, looking down at you, your head still laid against the table, looking off into the distance.
âI used to think this was gonna be simpleâ he admitted. âWe collect the data, send it home and then we wait forâŠâ
He trailed off, the thought too heavy, to ugly.
âBut now it isnât that simple anymore,â you finished for him and he just nodded. The two of you had a sense of understanding, one where you could say no words at all and completely understand how the other was feeling.
âItâs him,â he added. âItâsâŠyou. I just want it all, I want it all with you and it seems so closeâ.
Your heart ached at his words. You sat up, running your hands over your face.
âI donât know if I even have the answers anymore,â he admitted. âI feel like I am lying when I talk, because I donât know if there even is oneâ.
The silence wraps itself around the two of you again and you want nothing more than to just be as close as possible to him. You reach for his hand, and he just as quickly grabs it, his hand wrapped tight around yours.
âDo you think about what it will be like after thisâŠif we pull this off?â you spoke up, looking at your two hands intertwined, rested on the table.
âConstantly,â he answered, and you couldnât hold it in anymore as the emotions bubbled over. Tears fell from your eyes, as your body began to shake. He moved quickly, coming to stand behind your seat, wrapping his arms around you. Thatâs just how he was, he was your stable force.Â
âWhat do you think it will be like?â you asked, quiet through shaky breaths. âIf we get back homeâ.
âIt will be everything I have ever wanted,â he said, like it was obvious, like it was so simple. And you just held him tighter, committing the feeling to memory.Â
âWhat Rocky miss?âÂ
The words startle you so much you fall out of your chair and Ryland just laughs and you laugh. God you laugh so hard it hurts, so hard you know your stomach will ache for days and you hope it does. Because it would be a reminder of how somehow Ryland and you had survived this all.
âRocky does not get reaction from friends,â he spoke, his familiar confused tone.
Through laughing you sit up, just moving slightly to reach him and throwing your arms around him. Ryland does the same, the two of you holding the alien in his enclosure, so tight, you didnât want to let go.
âWe are going home Rocky,â you spoke, head still buried into the embrace. âWe are going to get you homeâ.
And everything felt right, right there with a rock and a man you loved. Right there in space, surrounded by the beauty of the stars that you had always yearned for. But you had found a new purpose, a purpose to get a new friend home and return back to yours to save it.Â
âRocky see mate again?â he asked, and the question made your heart ache because you could say yes. And Rocky would spin into a chaos of excitement at the answer, immediately asking what work still needed to be done. The craziest part was nothing, you just had to load the Taumoeba on his ship and get the extra astrophage. It waas bittersweet and you were thankful for that.
Much celebration filled the night, the projection room filled with fireworks and loud music. The two of you taught Rocky how to dance even if he found it dumb.. And that next morning when you said goodbye, a piece of you would leave with the alien creature.
In the tunnel, you stood by the glass formation he had built. He was already on his side of the barrier, staring at the two of you. What words could you even say?
You stood there for a while before moving to place your hand against the glass like you had the first time.Â
âThank you,â you spoke, two words, the only words that could ever come close to being enough.Â
âI guessâŠI guess we should get going?â Ryland spoke, but you felt glued to the ground. Because this was it, that was the last time you would see him, separated by the galaxy.Â
âYou are bravest humans Rocky has ever met,â and the words hit you hard and you smile because Ryland had rubbed off on him. âItâs joke, you are only humans Rocky has metâ.
You smile wider, a small laugh escaping you. You could not be sad, not when you had somehow accomplished the impossible.Â
âYou spent too much time with Grace,â you joked back and Rocky only made a sound in protest.
âNot enough,â he said and you pressed your hand once again to the glass, his meeting yours.
âNot enough,â you agreed, Ryland moving to stand behind you, hand resting on your shoulder.Â
âDonât forget about us,â he spoke, hiding the shake in his voice with a cough.Â
âRocky never forget,â and you just smiled, turning to meet Rylands eyes, them the same as yours, watery and overwhelmed with emotion.Â
âGoodbye Rocky,â he spoke up, and the alien once again protested.
âIn Erid we do not say goodbye,â he corrected. âWe do thisâ
The rocky creature began to rub one arm over the other and the two of you just copied. It was easier, you did not have the words in you to say âgoodbyeâ. You moved slowly back towards the door of your ship, sending one final glance back to the creature who just watched the two of you. And just like Ryland did, as the door to the ship closed, through the window you saw him give his version of a thumbs up. You smile, looking at Ryland who looked at you. It was going to be okay.Â
The two of you moved in a silence through the ship until you reached the dormitory.
âBack to sleep?â you asked, unsure of what was next, four years of a journey ahead.
âI guess so,â he said, a hesitation in his words.
The thought of sleeping again sat heavy in yoru chest, the fear of forgetting it all again. You couldnât, you could not forget any of this.
âOne night?â you asked, and he turned in curiosity to look at you. âLet's sleep on it for a nightâ.
And he nodded, the two of you making your way to your individual beds. You stood there, pulling back the sheets when you hear his voice saying your name. You looked uo to meet his eyes.
âStay with me tonight?â he asked, gesturing to his bed. âPleaseâ.
You heard it in his tone, the fear, the want to be close and you knew you wanted it to. You moved across the room, a new sense of intimacy greeting the two of you. The bed was small, but you made it work as you climbed into it, adjusting to fit the two of you comfortably. His arms reached around you, pulling your back to be pressed against his chest and you buried yourself in comfort. There, in the silence, two bodies pressed together. Your breathing fell into a similar rhythm and you could feel his eyes on the back of your head. And then you turned, meeting his face, scanning his. And before you could make the move, he made his, his lips meeting yours in a rhythm of longing and you melted right into it.
It was built up energy, after days upon days on this ship, after years prior of beating around the bush about what the two of you were. And you needed it, your body carved the feeling. You grew closer and closer, the kiss growing deeper as you moved to sit on top of him. His hands reached up to run through your hair, slightly gripping onto it and pulling you any closer he possibly could. You ran your hand up and down his arm before finding a place cup his jaw. There did not need to be words in that moment, the two of you communicating in a new way.Â
A quiet breathy groan escaped him, one that sent heat all up your body, and you made it your new mission to pull the sound from him again.
âYou are so perfect,â he mumbled against your lips. âSo, so perfectâ.
âI love you,â you got out in between kisses, in the moments where you gasped for air before going back.
He sat up, you still sitting on him as he gently picked you up to move you on your back, him now above you. He held himself up above you, reaching to brush a stray piece of hair from your face. And he just looked at you, in a way no one had ever before, so intently, looking at every part of your face as if you were his favorite painting in a museum.
âI love you so much,â he spoke, for only you, so quiet. God you loved him too and you would say it a million times, as many times as you couldâŠeven if that would never be enough.
Then, as if on cue, as if the universe wanted to keep you apart the alarm began blare. He jumped up to attention, the sound triggered a panic that both of you shared. You looked at him, him at you. He quickly leaned down, pressing one last kiss to your forehead and then gave you a nod.
You moved quickly, joining him as he rushed down the hall to the control room. You quickly behind him, watching as he scanned the screens.
You notice it first, the other screen flashing the words FOREIGN PRESENSE DETECTED.
âThe lab,â you breathed out, looking at the screen.
âThe Taumoeba,â he finished for you, jumping out of the chair just as quickly,.He moved down the hall at the same fast paced, the adrenaline pumping through the two of you. It hit you quickly as you looked at the cylinders on the wall.
âThey are leaking,â he observed, turning to look at you and the realization of what that meant hit you like a train.
âRocky,â you turned to him in a panic and he just gave you back a dazed nod. And it was there, right in that moment that you knew. Ryland and you were always meant for unexpected. That a normal life wasnât what either of you ever needed, you just needed each other. You needed a good friend who had given you both so much.
âRocky,â you repeated. And he looked at your, pleading eyes, as he too knew what this meant. âWe gotta go back for himâ.
And you knew what that meant, that meant no going home, it meant leaving it all forever. What even was home? It was people, the people who carry you through life, lifting you up in celebration in your best moments and holding you together in the bad. And when you look at Ryland, you see it so clearly. Your home was not that dingy apartment, it was not San Francisco, it was anywhere the two of you were together.
He reached for your hand, and you grabbed it back, standing there together looking at the wall of samples.
âYou want to do this?â he asked.
âWe need to do this,â you replied, the most sure you had ever been.
He just nodded at you, that smile you never wanted to forget. Tomorrow you would wake up and you would be traveling back towards Rockyâs ship. It would take weeks and you would watch the days pass by, filled with Ryland and you arranging the samples to send back to Earth. And it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were with Ryland Grace and you were alive. You were wearing an alien shirt and spending late nights in a lab on a ship beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home, because you were finally home.
part two of 'my place is among the stars (with you)'
ryland grace x reader
In which your world has not been the same since you woke up on that ship with ryland grace. and it would never be the same again.
or
you wake up in space with a stranger and slowly piece together why he doesn't really feel like a stranger at all.
word count: 14.6k (it just kept getting longer!)
content warning: again some (a lot of) inaccurate science, some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, mention of parental death, miscommunication trope, idk they kinda makeout a little I suppose (bring back the art of a makeout for real), rocky being a menace and so much angst I am sorry!! (but also mega fluff so push through)
a/n: I am so overwhelmed by peoples support and love for the first part! I posted because I loved these characters and you guys have made me fall back in love with writing and sharing work. I appreciate all your patience, I had to pick up some crazy work hours this past week. but I hope you enjoy and I cannot wait to keep writing for you all! (I lowk hate the ending but yolo)
I love these two so much and would love to keep writing for them. lmk if you would like a part three or any other small blurbs about Ryland and Alien Girl!
There was a heaviness in the air, an almost uncertainty. The woman infront of you is so focused.
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she spoke up, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
The memory shoots you up from where you slept, leaving you gasping for air, hands clenched tight in your sheets. Ryland and you had been taking shifts, one sleeping, one monitoring the flight path set for Tau Ceti. However you had been going in and out of consciousness for hours. The memories just kept coming, so fragmented that they did little to help you understandÂ
Funny enough, the easiest part of all this to swallow had become that fact that you were in space. Because it was obvious, clear, right in front of you. Every other question felt endless, every answer felt hollow. Some memories were helpful, and others had sent you spiraling, unable to sleep for a few days.
It had been a few days ago when you woke up from sleep to a memory of your parents, the knock on your door from the RA of your dormâŠthat they were gone. The grief felt so heavy, yet so misplaced, for people that were vague shadows in your mind. That hurt you the most, that you could not recall these peopleâŠpeople you knew deep down were so good. Ryland had sat with you that night, silence between the two of you, no words good enough to mend what had happened.
Then came the flashes to a time before the ship. Bits and pieces of labs full of equipment that you somehow knew the names of, a flash to a jet sweeping through the air, a paper bag being your best friend in that moment. The two of you had come to each other in a sort of unison one night, both yelling the word Astrophage and beginning to dig through the memories together. It was that night that you came to the realization that Ryland Grace was a genius and the two of you would not be returning home. Staring at the equation he had completed on the whiteboard, the two of you sat in a silence so loud it made you want to cover your ears. It was exactly enough Astrophage to get to Tau CetiâŠand none left to return. It was a suicide mission, the two of you had signed up to die. There had been a mutual understanding that night that if the two of you were gonna die you would die trying to solve the Astrophage problem, you owed it to the world, to yourselves. Though deep down your brain was far from ready to process that you would never be back to the normalcy of your home planet.
You glanced across the room, looking around for anything to ground you back to the present. The whiteboard caught your gaze, one the two of you had started to keep track of questions, checking them off when a memory came back to fill in the blanks.Â
Who are we? How did we meet? Friends? Enemies?
You had added the last part, you thought it was funny. But none of it felt so funny anymoreâŠhis last hope, the words pounded loud in your mind. Like two metal pans banging together over and over with no sign of stopping. There was something there, in that memory, a feeling of deep care, of admiration. He was someone you had left your life to help, he had asked for you to join his research. SoâŠyou must have been a scientist too? There were too many questions floating. At least you knew where you were going and what you needed to doâŠbut who were you? And why were you even here?
You pulled yourself out of bed, seeing no purpose in forcing yourself to try to sleep. Your sleep schedule significantly shifts when it looks dark outside at all hours. Wrapping yourself in a jacket you had found packed in one of the several boxes, you made your way to the ships controls, Ryland sat in his chair scribbling in a notebook.
âI think I was a scientist too,â you spoke from the quiet, that piqued his interest as he looked, a smile growing on his face.Â
âWere you as smart as me?â he asked, looking back to his notes, his usual tone.
âAm,â you corrected. âAm I as smart as youâŠand the answer is probably smarter. I am smarter than youâ.
You shrugged, as a burst of quick laughter came from him, his focus still on the notes. You moved around the room, taking in all the buttons, too many buttons. It had become normal, all these small memories popping in. It was like adding baseball cards to a collection, sometimes they were insane and other times they were mundane little additions that made the collection a little more unique. They were fun and sometimes not so funâŠbut details none the less, and you would take any your brain could muster to give back.
âWhat do you think is so special about this system?â Ryland spoke up, more to himself as he erased something in his notes. âThe Tau Ceti system was the only star not infected-â
âWell it could be a lot of things, you know?â you spoke, as if on autopilot, words escaping you before you could even fully process them. âI mean, it could be a difference in spectral output that the Astrophage doesnât want to feed on. Or, you know, evoluntionary pressure?â
He just stared at you, you just stared back.
He spoke slowly, eyes wide, âevoluntionary pressure?â
âYeah, the idea that another life form could be eating away at the Astrophage and keeping it balanced,â you answered, equally as confusedâŠthe tiniest bit excited, maybe more than tiny. âLike a predator, but that is pretty far fetchedâ.
He shook his head in disbelief, a smile on his face, murmuring unbelievable under his breath.Â
âSmarter,â you reminded, a shrug of your shoulders. You had felt so useless thus far, not that you hadnât been able to help but you werenât sure where you fit. Thatâs why it was all so exciting when you remembered that you studied Tau Ceti and you were gonna see it. You were sure the earlier version of yourself, the one who remembered it all would be freaking out at the fact. You wanted to find her, she was in there somewhere.Â
The silence returned again, it was however much louder in your own head.
âYou doing okay?â he spoke up, still focused, you still roaming the room, the two of you in perfect orbit. Thatâs what happens when you have no one else but each other, you are sure your brains may eventually murge into one. His jokes had become funnier, even if you knew they werenât and he had become a friend, more than someone you were forced to coexist with.
âYeah,â you spoke quickly, unsure what would happen if you let yourself dig deeper into the feeling.
He hummedâŠhe didnât believe you, you knew that. âCome on, letâs goâ.
He spoke it so casually, getting up from the chair and setting the notebook down.
âHey, so I am not sure if you realized, but we really donât have anywhere to go to,â your voice slightly trailing off, watching as he began to walk out into the hall. âRyland?â
âYou know you have gotten a lot more sarcastic lately and it's really taking a toll on this relationship,â he yelled from down the hall and you could do nothing but roll your eyes and trail behind him.Â
When you finally caught up to him, he was already shifting through settings in what you had begun to call âthat big room of screensâ and he corrected that it really was a âprojection deckâ...same fucking thing.
âWhatâs your favorite place in the world?âhe asked, turning his head to meet your gaze.
And you paused, really paused. You were sure that before all of this you would have been able to answer in a second but now you were drawing a complete blank.
âIâŠI donât know,â you spoke up, quieter, honest, and it was a scary thought, to not know the smalles thing about who you were, what you liked.
âJust think of something, make something up,â he pushed.
âFine,â you called up to him, before moving to join him up on the small platform. âUhâŠmaybe, the mountains?â
With a click on the small computer, the screens morphed into beautiful scenery of lush green mountains, the sound of the breeze flowing through the leaves filling the room. You took a seat, letting your legs slightly hang over the platform. He joined you. He pointed to a digital bird that flew across the screen, miming fake binoculars on his face with his hands, you just nudged him with your shoulder.
âWhere would you have picked?â
âProbably somewhere with fog,â he spoke up, looking at you. âI am pretty sure I am from San FrancsiosâŠthey got a lot of thatâ.
It felt like meeting someone for the first time, asking all those familiar questions. The two of you found yourself doing that on nights that were too quiet, asking things like favorite color or movie, making up the answers when you couldnât remember. Placeholders until the memory came back.
You nodded along, letting the two of you fall into a familiar comfortable silence. One you had to get used to with two strangers who had nothing to talk about because they were strangers to themselves. It made your stomach ache in that now all too familiar way.
Then he stood up, practically jumped from where he was sitting and reached his hand out to you, gesturing with his head.Â
âWhat?â you asked, genuine confusion on your face.
âUp,â he just said. âDance with me, come onâ.
You just began to shake your head, waving your hands at him.Â
âNo,â was all you said, turning to face forward, though a smile tried to force itself on your face.
He turned to the computer, you trying your best to remain uninterested but then he turned on a song and you felt like you had just gone down the hill of a rollercoaster.
âStop,â he yelled at you, which made you shhh him with a significant amount of aggression. The whole library had turned to look at him, throwing needles at him with their eyes.
âWhat?â he whispered back.
âWe are in the library,â you whispered back, just as aggressive.
âAnd you are freaking out about an alien presentation,â he deadpanned. You opened your mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again. âSee, even you know it's dumb.â
âItâs not dumb!â
âMaking a fake planet with a made up alien species where we decided they all dance to sort through political conflictâŠâhe drawled out the last word, a quirk of his brow, that dumb look he always did. You wanted to smack him.
âOkay, well,â when he put it that way.
âYes?â
You just rolled your eyes and turned back to the papers, sorting through all the details you had spent way too long on. You never did anything halfway, it was something you had followed your whole life.
âCome on,â he spoke up, standing and throwing his things in his bag in a way that made you cringe. "Letâs goâ.
âWhere?â your head shot up. âWe have an assignmet to doâ.
âNot in this state we donâtâ.
You just looked at him, a staring contest, him raising his brow up and down causing you to bury your head into the table. He then leaned down right next to your ear.
âUh, earth to alien girl,â he spoke, covering his mouth to sound like a plane speakerâŠor radioâŠyou werenât quite sure but it made you laugh. You quickly stopped yourself. âI heard the laugh. The jig is up, we are goingâ.
He did not wait any longer, heading out of the door, eyes following him as he left. You quickly stood up, without much hesitation, laying your stuff in your bag and running out after him. There he stood, outside, at the bottom of the steps to the library, phone turned up to the highest volume, playing your song. âThe Two of Usâ from the Beatles blasted, a song the two of you had come to associate with the other. He was moving in sporadic ways, akin to the way a dad does to embarrass their own kid.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you called down to him.
âSeeing if our alien system we set up works,â he called back, never breaking his messy groove. âCome on!â
It was hard to say no to him, his exictmnet so infectious, his care to make you smile being one of your favorute things about him. It had gotten you through a lot of long nights. So you dance, him spinning you around, you trying to dip him. Even when people walked by staring, it was just the two of you who existed in that moment. It was perfect, you never wanted to forget it. The joy of dancing with a person, your person. Maybe your alien planet was on to something.
You came back just as quickly, looking at him, really looking at him. It was like you had jumped into a memory, only now you were both older, more tiredâŠand potentially actually meeting aliens. You felt somewhat far away, in a daze, as he just waved his hand in front of you, waiting for you to take it.
âFor all I know, we could have actually hated each other,â he urged. âLet me keep the peace for a little bitâ.
âI donât think there is any world where I could hate you,â you replied, and you knew somewhere it was true, as you reached for his hand and he pulled you up.Â
The dancing was a mess for a while, the two of you laughing through the stupid moves. He did the one person wave at a certain point, one you eventually joined in on. Then you stumbled into his arms, him steadying you, holding you. And you just leaned into it, the feeling of safety, of knowing someone was holding you up when you felt so uneasy. His head gently rested on top of yours.Â
The two of you just swayed, the sound of the music mere background noise to the way your heartbeats became so loud. Thump. Thump. BEEEEEEEP
You jumped apart.
âApproaching Tau Ceti".
The two of you froze, two deers in the headlights. You hadnât considered what would happen when you actually reached Tau Ceti. For a while you were still sure this was some sort of bizarre dream.
Then, as if in sync, the two of you went into panic mode sprinting back down the hall to the control room.
â--
It was under controlâŠreally it was. You just were now floating in zero gravity and an alien ship was approaching.
Holy Fu- , wait you werenât cussing anymore, or thatâs what Ryland saidâŠHoly Fudge!
You stood there in awe, Ryland looked like he was turning a shade of pale that you had never seen before. The ship approached, getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it parked right beside the two of you. It was strange, practically glistening, made of shapes you never would consider for a ship. But all you cared about was that aliens were real and you had been right.
âI was right,â you whispered out, the revelation of it all taking you back.Â
âWhat?â he practically yelled, looking at you for some sort of answer.
You just turned to smile at him, two words, âalien girlâ.
The ship or Blip-A as the robotic voice continued to call it made itself known, so big it could swallow your ship up. There were a few moments where Ryland had tried to steer away, you gripped on to the back of the chair as he moved the ship back and forth. Then Blip-A would do the same thing. You went forward, their ship moved forward. You went back and they shifted back. It was like a game of Simone Says.
âWhat do you think it wants?â Ryland whispered, as if the other ship could hear, you turned your head and gave him a look. âWhat?â
âBlip-B approaching,â the robotic voice began, the two of you turning your heads in sync back to the screen. A small object was tumbling towards the two of you at an impressive rateâŠyeah okay maybe this was something to be worried about? But you couldnât help the curiosity that stirred in you, the want to understand those on the other ship, to learn their world, what made them happy. Well, if there was even anyone actually on that ship. Ryland went into a full panic mode you had gotten used to, you still gripping onto the pilot chair to stop yourself from floating too far away. You braced for impact, one that never game as the mental canister hit the side of your ship with a small DOINK.Â
âNot a bomb,â you corrected, Ryland could not tear his face away from the screen. âMaybe they are friendly aliens?â
âThere is no such thing as a friendly alien,â he bit back.
âWell, in our Alien class in college-â
He just glared at you once again, you smacked him on the head lightly with your hand, âMaybe they need helpâ.
âAnd maybe they want to inject us with eggs,â he looked at you like he had just said something profound.
âAnd you are a scientist?â you countered, a slight tilt of your head, still holding onto his chair.
The two of you watched for a while, just waiting for what was next. Maybe you were supposed to send something back. The two of you didnât have to wait long before the next âBlipâ was thrown, however this time much slower. They wanted the two of you to grab it, each move from them intentional.
âThey think we are dumb,â Rylan practically deadpanned.Â
âWell, we better prove them wrong,â you began, gaze intently on the small object tumbling through the air towards the two of you. You tuned your head slightly upwards, making sure your voice could be heard by your robot companion. âHow would we get to something like this?â
âNope, nope nope nope,â Rylands voice began to come back, shaking his hands at yoy.
âWould you like to take a space walk Dr. (Last Name)?â the voice spoke.
We were gonna die out here anyways, might as well do it all.Â
âYesâ you spoke up and Ryland said the opposite at the same time. You didnât even give him another look as you manuvered yourself down the hall, pushing against the wall to move, feeling so weightless. It was an odd feeling, one you had never experienced before and part of you was fine with maybe never expeirnecing it again. You were quick to find the set of spacesuits lining the walls, searching for one with your name on it. Now it became very clear how difficult it would be to get on but with the help of the computer voice you were able to find the manuel and squeeze your way inside.Â
In the middle of wiggling into the pants, Ryland came flying around the corner.Â
âWhat are you doing?â he asked, his voice in full panic. However, he too began to read the manuel, taking steps to pull the suit on.Â
âWe are taking a huge step in human history,â you replied, like it was the obvious choice. âFirst contactâ.
The two of you moved in a sort of connectedness, him putting on his suit because you said you would. It was how you worked, two people, trying to survive this all. And to do that, sometimes you had to do something insane and hope it worked. You stood in the tunnel now tethered to the inside of the ship, deprezerization happening around you as the door opened. You couldnât have been prepared, how could you? The image of the infinity of space before you made your heart ache and deep down you knew this was big for you. You moved forward until you were just at the edge, nothing but stars. You were about to take the step when Ryland Grace came flying into you, shooting the both of you out of the ship.Â
His grip on yours was tight, the two of you wrapped together as you drifted out into the stars. You looked at him, really looked at him, his glasses slightly tilted inside his helmet. You wished you could reach out and adjust them for him.Â
âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him.
You would unpack all of that later, the hug feeling even more familiar now, even more personal. You gently released your hands wrapped around him and nodded with your head back in the direction of the small object tumbling closer and closer.
He nodded, the two do your drifting back towards the ship until you could grip onto the rialing outside of it. In a sort of quiet understanding, Ryland tied your tethers around the railings so you could move up and down the hull of the ship without drifting too far.
âWho do you think's gonna get it first?â he spoke through the radio system within the suits. A challenge, you didnât have to even look to know he was looking at you with that stupid grin.
âWell I know itâs not gonna be you,â you bit back, eyes set on the object tumbling closer and closer.Â
Then he jumped and you did too, the two of you reaching for it, your hands getting closer and closer to the object until you were holding it tightly. You went to celebrate when Ryland Grace did it again, flying into you, this time on purpose, sending the two of you flying. You shut your eyes, grip on it so tight.
âI just sacked the quarterback,â he joked, grip still tight around you, the small cylinder pressed between the two of you, keeping you apart. Then you just laughed, laughed so hard you could barely breathe. Because you were in space, with a stranger you once knew, trying to catch an item from an alien ship and Ryland Grace had tackled you like it was football. And he laughed too, and for a moment, so small you could almost miss it, everything felt right. For a moment, a very small moment, you felt like you remembered him fully.
And when you looked at him, you knew he was someone important to you.
------
You sat at your desk, head propped up on your hand as you absentmindedly clicked your pen over and over. Enough that the sound began to fade into the background, anything to break the silence.
Procgess had been made in the past couple of days. Especially with the discovery of the centrifuge system. And then there was, of course, that other discovery. As in your new neighbor. As in, the alien.Â
You had yet to meet the guy but the new presence felt rather large. An alien ship had tethered themselves to your ship and you were sitting and clicking a pen for entertainment. You paused the clicking, glancing up at the camera psoitioned on your desk. Ryland thought it would be good to film logsâŠguess there was a first time for everything. Even if an alien encounter was not one of those things yet.Â
You reached up to hit a switch on the camera at the desk, watching as the red recording light began to blink on.Â
âHi, uh, I am sure RylandâŠor well, Dr. Grace has shared with you that we have made contact with an alien,â you began, leaning back in your seat. âI havenât yetâ.
A quiet laugh slipped out, the words sounded insane speaking them out loud.
âHe said he had to make the sacrifice just in case,â you explained. âBecause I know more about Tau Ceti than him so he would be less of a lossâ.
You shook your head at the idea, a smile tugging at your lips no matter how hard you tried to keep it off.
âWhich is-â you trailed off trying to find the word. â...kinda endearing if you really think about itâŠin a sort of messed up and terrifying kinda way?â
Your gaze dropped back to your hands for a moment before reaching for the pen. Click. Click. Click.
âBut I wouldnât really call him dying instead of me a success,â you were quiter now, gaze still set on the pen. âIâd rather not be aloneâ.
The words hung in the air, heavy. You had developed a mindset quickly on this ship, well after a lot of denial. You were dying. It was as simple as that, because there really was no other choice. And you would live like that, like there was no tomorrow. There was no time for hiding or being scared, it was a time for risks. It was a hard pill to swallow, sometimes that pill would get stuck in yor throat still no matter how hard you tried to wash it down with water.
You cleared your throat, setting the pen down. Your eyes drifted to the small figurine you had placed on your desk. The first time he had made contact he had returned with a small sculpture, a figurine that looked like two human shapes entangled in a hug, a tether tying them together. You were quick to realize it was the two of you when you had first entered space.Â
You smiled.
âNot like you guys arent great company,â you continued, gaze fixing back on the camera. âBut heâs kinda growing on meâŠjust donât tell him that, it will get to his head pretty quicklyâ.
The sound of footsteps caught your attention, your head turning, seeing Ryland now leaned against the entrance to the room. He acknowledged the camera with a nod, giving it an awkward wave, well more like a flick of his hand, before turning back to you.
âLetâs go,â he said, gesturing down the hall with his head before continuing in the direction.
No explanation. What was new? You turned back to the camera.
âHe does this a lot,â you admitted. âJust absolutely zero contextâ.
You looked back to see if he was there still.Â
âHe is not a perfect teammateâ.
âNot true,â his voice called through the ship.
You gave the camera a look, whispering a quiet, âthis guyâ.
âAnd grab your alien shirt!â he called out again and you quickly sat up in realization.
Oh. Oh Oh OH!
You snapped your head back to the camera, so fast that it made you dizzy for a second. Eyes wide, grin so big it was actively stretching your face. Reaching up, you clicked the switch for the camera, giving one last wave and then you lept into immediate action.
You found Ryland halfway in his suit, slightly struggling with one of the clasps, even so he refused to ask for any help, just giving a small thumbs up in your direction.
You were quick to grab your suit, attempting to catch up. But your hand shook with energy and you werenât sure where to place it or how to use it. Your skin felt like it was on fireâŠin the best possible way.
This was it.
This was really it.
You wrestled with the zipper for a second before pulling it up. As you stood back up, you came face to face with the man, him standing there holding your helmet, placing it on your head. With a click it secured and he tapped on it like it was a fish tank. You fliched slightly, shoving him back.
âAm I really a bad teammate?â he asked and as you looked at him you realized he wasnât fully joking.Â
You paused for a second, scanning his face,
âYeah,â you answered, flatly.
You just as quickly smiled and tapped back on the glass of his helmet, his eyes meeting yours.
âNot at all. I got pretty luckyâ.
The tension in his body slightly eased at that, a smile growing onto his face.
âI should have let you come the first time,â he admitted, beginning to walk down the hall. âYou are the alien expert. I am just some guy who was wrong about waterâ.
âEveryones wrong sometimes,â you replied, trailing behind him. âYou know, you kinda have to be every once in a whileâ.
At that, he glanced back at you.
âCanât find the right answer if there hasnât been a couple wrong ones,â you continued with a shrug of your shoulders.
The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, a growing understanding between the two of you. It was funny, you felt like you had known him your whole life. Maybe you had? Or maybe you just had been together for far too long on this ship with no one else but this guy and a camera. Either way, it could have been worse. You were happy with whoever decided they should send you up with the middle school science teacher.Â
When the door opened you were immediately blown back into the wall, you landing with a loud thud. A quiet groan escaped you. He had left that part out when he told you about his first encounter.
âHey, hey,â Ryland began, scooting over to you, hand gently placed on your shoulder. âYou okay? That has never happened beforeâ.
You just nodded, at a loss for words for the tunnel system in front of you. It was a hard thing to fully comprehend, that there was another life form existing in parallel to your own. One that could build tunnels that connect to your ship.
âGravity?â you just spoke up, standing to take a few steps into the tunnel, boots still connected to the ground.Â
âThis, uhâŠyeah this is new,â he replied, standing up from where he had fallen and walking to meet you. âJust be prepared, this guy is pretty jumpyâ.
You nodded, one again embracing the silence, taking in everything with each step. You knew Ryland was behind you, you knew he would be ready to help if anything were to happen. But you could not get yourself to be fearful, ever since Ryland brought back the small figurine, you knew this was not a harmful connection.Â
The end of the tunnel was made of different glass pieces, or something resembling glass, all creating different angles. You reached up, gently pressing your gloved hand to it, looking into the darkness behind it.
âI just, kinda tapped last time,â he offered, you smiled.
âVery scientific approach Dr. Grace,â you joked, glancing back at him.
A piece of you ached inside to feel how this would have felt having you remembered everything. But your body has not forgotten. Your body grew with energy, your heart thudding in your chest, your fingers practailly tingling, a smile so wide it could not be suppressed. You reached out and gently tapped on the wall and that's when you saw it, a small figure dash across your view.
You tapped on more time, soft, inviting, other hand still pressed to the glass. Then it appeared, a spider-like rock formation, slowly moving its way towards you. It stopped, moving its body in a way that reminded you of how a dog would tilt its head in interest and confusion. Then it reached out, a small hand placed against your palm, the glass being the only thing stopping full contact.
âDr. Grace showed me the figure you had made of us,â you spoke, quiet, not wanting to scare your alien neighbor. âThank you, it was beautifulâ.
The creature in response made a symphony of noises, as if you played all the chords of a piano at once. A quiet laugh of astonishment left your your head turning to glance at Ryland whose gaze was on you. A gentle smile and a thumbs up, his signature move.
There was a burn in your eyes, it was all so overwhelming. All you could do was laugh, unsure what to do with all the pent up emotion.Â
The alien made another sound before tapping on the glass. You tapped again, the two of you going back and forth until it let out an almost grunt. You paused, stopping. He tapped again in a direction behind you and you followed it.Â
âOh,â you breathed out, seeing another capsule. âIs that for us?â
The symphony of noise returned, the creature jumping around, moving erratically.
Ryland walked over to grab it before you could, coming to meet you by the glass, gently twisting it open. Inside was another modelâŠfigureâŠart piece? It was close in resemblance to a letter eight, small blue dots lining the exterior of the rings.Â
âWow,â Ryland, spoke up as you continued to admire it. âYeah, wow, I donât have anything like thisâ.
The way he sounded genuine made you break your focus to smile. It was sweet.
âWhat is it?â he asked, more quietly, turning back to you.Â
You could only shrug, trying to examine every angle of it. Everything so far had a meaning, but maybe this was the exception?
You looked back up at the alien, waving the art piece in his direction, âit is beautiful, thank youâ.
Ryland reached for it and you handed it over as he tried to place it on his head, âIs it a hat?â
The alien just grumbled in response, beginning to erratically tap again. You watched, trying to understand.
âMaybe a bow tie?â you asked, grabbing it from him and setting it against where the collar of his shirt would be.
The alien just continued to explode with sound and then you turned to watch him, really watch him. His two limbs reached up to tap his headâŠor you assumed it was head. He then gestured as if removing it, you slightly tilted your head.
âYou want us to take off our heads?â Ryland spoke up, confusion lacing his tone. âBuddy, I am not sure how it works for you but this is kinda all connectedâ.
You slightly glared at him, he just shrugged. Thank you captain obvious.Â
The alien once again repeated the actionâŠhead? No, OH, helmet, he was meaning helmet.
âOur helmets?â you asked and the alien bursted with even more sound. You glanced back down at the figure in your hand, the pieces starting to connect. He had made the tunnel adaptable for the two of you, there was gravity and now, there was oxygen.Â
You looked back up at Ryland, showing him the piece again, âitâs oxygenâŠits the symbol for oxygenâ.
âWhat?â he looked at you in confusion, taking the piece and turning it around. Then he held it up to the creature. âYou are clever buddyâ.
The alien just continued its explosion of emotion, once again repeating the gesture. You followed along, reaching up to unclasp the helmet when you flet a hand rest on yours.Â
âMaybe this isnât the smartest idea,â he said, quieter this time, sending a quick glance towards your neighbor before snapping back to you. âI mean, this is a life or death kinda choice hereâŠâ
âAnd we arenât already in a life or death situation anyways?â you bit back, he opened his mouth and then closed it. âI trust himâ.
âYou just met himâ.
âAnd he made us a sculpture, created gravity and gave me a high-five,â you pushed back. âMost guys I have met donât even open my car door for meâ.
âYou know, you just said something pretty profound back inside,â he countered, hand tighter on yours now to stop the movement. âYou said people can be wrong sometimesâ.
âWell I am notâ.
âWellâŠwe donât really know if this is just some weird hat he madeâ.
You just stared at him, he stared back, then slowly his grip released and he nodded.
âI wonât change your mind,â he took a few steps back, a look of uncertainty on his face, shown futher in the posture of his body. Alert. Stiff.
You gave him a nod of ressaunace and a thumbs up, his classic, before turning back to the alien. Gently reaching back up, you unclasped the helmet and began to pull it off. Your heart beat in your chest louder and louder and louder, your ribcage felt as if it was shaking.Â
Then you gasped, taking in the air and for a second panic filled you. You opened your eyes, gaze snapping to himâŠyou were breathing. You laughed in pure astonishment, the alien creature celebrating with you, and Rylan looked like he had just aged fifty years watching it happen.
It was late, the moons shining through the windows of the library, your desk in the corner lit by a small lamp. The usual, Ryland and you, there way too late. You flipped through your textbook, he stared at you in disbelief.
âYou totally think aliens are real, donât you?â Ryland spoke up from across the table you were studying at, finishing up notes for the class you shared.
âWell,â you stumbled for the right words. It wasnât that unbelievable. âI mean, it would be kinda coolâ.
âNo, no, donât shrug it off like that,â he pushed. âYou lied, you did not take this class cause you had toâ.
âOkay, fine!â you practically yelled, earning a few annoyed glares from others still studying. âI justâŠI mean is it that crazy of an idea? The universe is quite literally endless, there has to be somethingâ.
He just smiled at you, that dumb smile, one you would normally throw a pencil at his face for. But you just smiled back because he didnât laugh, didnât make his usual dumb joke, he just nodded.
âOkay alien girl,â he began. âI will be waiting for your name to pop up on the news when you are the first to make contact with oneâ.
And you nodded back, cause he would.
And you had just done it, you made contact with an alienâŠholy shit. Where was your shirt again?
------
How do you prepare for an alien to move in? The answer, after much scientific researchâŠyou really canât. The presence of Rocky, what Ryland had named him, was not a small one. You couldnât ignore him, he was a permanent part of your lives, your new partner. And yes, he had opinions on everything. After the two of you had found his voice, most nights were spent with Ryland asleep in the tunnel while Rocky and you talked all night. You asked him any questions you could think of, him happy to answer in exchange for a few of his own for you. Sometimes the two of you would get too loud and Ryland would throw a pillow at you, which you would of course throw back. Grace okay? Rocky would ask and you would reply Yes, Grace is just cranky when he doesnât sleep. The rock laughed at that, you did tooâŠand even Rylan did from his sleeping state on the ground.
Most days were spent answering Rockys questions as the three of you worked through solving the Astrophage problem, the connector between the three of you. You all had a misson, one you would complete. There was now more than one world that depended on it.
âWhat do you miss most about home, Rock?â Ryland asked one night, the three of you in the projection room. Ryland sat against the hamster ball Rocky had made hismelf while you laid down on your back, staring up at the screens, listening and chiming in when you could.
You could think of a few things you missed, memories drifting in with each day.
Rocky sat with it for a while before speaking up, âMy mateâ.
As if in sync, Ryland and you both turned your heads to him, you finally completely tuning into the situation. The two of you shared a look.
âYou have a mate?â Ryland asked, then stopped. âNot thatâŠthatâs like shocking itâs just-â
âHe means how long have you been together?â you stepped in, Ryland relaxing back against the aliens enclosure.Â
âHmm,â Rocky perked up as he talked, though you sensed the sadness that still followed him. â186.3 yearsâ.
âThatâs incredible buddy,â Ryland replied, gently patting the ball.
âNot long enough,â the alien replied, settling back down, a few quiet symphonic sounds leaving him.
You understood, understood more than you wished you had. It never was. It never would be. You scooted over to the other side of the ball, leaning against it, gently patting it as Ryland had earlier.
âWe are gonna solve this and get you back buddy,â you spoke up, facing towards the screen, taking in the world you had left behind forever. A pit settled in your stomach, at least he would be able to return home, that was enough to keep you going. âYour mate will be so proud of youâ.
Rocky shared his mates name, a beautiful symphony of sound that only the person you loved could ever be represented by. A silence settled over the three of you, the sound of waves crashing coming from the speakers. They were loud, they felt familiar, maybe you used to enjoy the waves.Â
âHow long have Grace and (Last Name) been mate?â the alien spoke from the silence. And you and Ryland both snapped back to life instantly. You met his eyes for a second before turning away, trying to form words.Â
âWe arenât-â Ryland began.
âWe arenât mates,â you fisnihed for him, him sending you a grateful look. Rocky, always so blunt.
âThen why bicker like mates?â Rocky pushed further. âWhy Grace look at you like that when you do not see, question?â
You kept your eyes planted to your hands, scared what would happen if you let them wander. Did he really look at you? Maybe thatâs what you had been, long before this, maybe there had been a time where it was something more. You felt it, it lingered in the air, in the memories that would stir. It lingered in the present too, in late nights and honest conversations, in the way he looked at you when you took off your helmet, in the nights he would drape a blanket over you when you fell asleep at your desk.
You were about to answer, try your best to muster words, when Grace beat you to it.
âI am tired,â Ryland said, standing up, not giving a second glance to either of you. âI, uh, I am gonna head to bedâ.
You noticed that with him recently, when questions got hard. It had happened a few days ago when Rocky had asked about going home.
You watched as he jumped down from the platform, heading into the hall, him dragging a hand down his face. You sat there for a while, in silence, unsure how to feel. What did you expect? There had not been any reason to assume anything, and he justâŠhe wanted to leave an awkward conversation. But was it really that hard of a question?
âGrace okay?â Rocky spoke up, tapping on the part of the xenonite ball closest to your head.
âYeah, â you replied, not because it was honest but because it was easy.
âDr. (Last Name) okay too?â and you could only laugh at that, cause you hadnât truly been okay in a while, not since before you woke up on this ship.Â
âYeah, buddy, I am okay,â you turned around to face him instead, tapping your fist against the ball, in which he mirrored.Â
You glnaced back at the exit to the room and you werenât sure why this time was different, what the pull was, but you got up.
âI am gonna get ahead on some of my work tomorrow,â you spoke more abruptly. âI will see you in the morning, Rockâ.
âFriend need help, question?â he spoke up and the words, those three words felt like a punch to the gut. You just shook your head at him and you were sure he sensed the feeling as he rolled back to lay in his ball.
You made your way through the hall quickly, turning each corner sharp until you made it to the dormitory again. There Ryland sat, edge of his bed, head in his hands. You had never seen him look so small and you were almost scared to approach him, like he might shatter.
You stepped slowly into the room, pausing right next to him, he made no move to akcnolwged you. Placing your hand on his back, you gently moved it up and down, him leaning into the touch, giving his weight over to you. You let him be selfish, let him give you something to carry because he always was the one doing it for you.Â
It was a while before he spoke, his words loud in the silence of the room. It was the quietest it had been since Rocky moved in.Â
âIâm sorry about what happened in there,â he spoke, so quiet, words thin and shaky. He took in a breath, barely getting a full breath in. âItâs justâŠeverything is a lot right nowâ.
You just shook your head, hand still trailing up and down his back, âwe donât have to talk right nowâ.
âNo,â he stopped you, meeting your eyes, his so heavy. âI want to. I need toâ.
Then the silence greeted the two of you again, but not uncomfortable, just knowing. You moved to sit beside him on the edge of the bed, watching as he sat fidgeting with his hands.
âDo you ever get memories of the two of us before all this?â He asked, though his eyes did not leave his hands.
You nodded, even if he wasnât looking, the question making you glance to your hands as well, âYeahâŠyeah all the timeâ.
There was silence again but there was something in the air, a push and pull, a want to speak and a fear of what would come out. You glanced past your hands at the floor, gently bumping your leg against his, he bumped it back.
âWe really liked studying late in the library,â you joked, still quiet, just for the two of you, as if Earth could hear you from all the way out here.
He let out a breathy laugh in reply, âyeah we really didâ.
âI think we worked well together,â you added, then pausing to correct yourself. âWe still work really well togetherâ.
You watched as his hand slowly moved closer, till it rested atop of yours. A reminder that you were both there, alive, breathing. The words of Rocky echoed in your head over and over, a broken record, that it was ânot enoughâ. Thatâs what it felt like, a ticking timer, its numbers growing smaller and smaller. Even if you had accepted it, even if you told yourself you did. This right now, with him, it would never be enough.
âI think I loved you,â he spoke from the silence and you looked up from your hands, meeting his eyes. You searched his face for any sign he was joking, maybe he was messing with you like he always did. But he was there, fully there, looking at you. And you knew, you knew for a while you had loved him too. âAnd I never got to tell you thatâ.
âWhy didnât you?â You asked, an uncertainty in your question. A push and pull between wanting to know and peaceful ignorance. He swallowed, and you just watched him, watched him fight for words.
âDo you remember?âÂ
You just shook your head, pleading with your mind to catch up in this moment, to tell you why.
âDo you?â you asked, quiet, waiting for the truthâŠand he just shook his head.
âI just know I didnâtâŠI owe you an answer,â he replied, hand gripped tighter on yours. âI love you, I know I love youâŠI think I have always loved youâ.
The words just floated, words you knew you needed to hear, but words you had not expected. You just nodded, unsure of what words you could possibly give back to him. What words were enough at this moment? You wanted to pull him close, wrap your arms around him and tell him you loved him, of course you loved him. You felt it when you saw him the first time, a pull towards him, one only love could possibly create.
âI know,â you whispered, scared to admit it, scared that it would be there, a constant reminder of what you could not have. âI love youâ.
This was present, not past, not âlovedâ, it was there. Because you did. You loved when he would do the stupid dance moves anytime he got something right. You loved how he would make you laugh when you were spiraling. You loved how you bickered and how he looked at you like you were a genius, even when he teased that he was smarter. You loved him, you had seen it in every memory that had come back. You saw it when you left your home to join his research without a second thought. You loved him but life was cruel and time was not on your side, not even a little.
âI love you and I am scared,â he spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts. The tension in your body slightly eased, but the pit in your stomach grew deeper. You tried to meet his eyes but he would not look at you, his gaze cast down, his hand moving down to fidget with your fingers. You werenât sure if he knew they were yours or thought they were his. The thought made you smile. âBecause we are going to die out here and itâs not fair. Itâs not fair to you if I tell you this knowing we are just going to dieâ.
âI would rather die knowing,â you admitted, hand gently reaching out to cup his jaw, pulling his gaze up to yours. His eyes rimmed red, watery. He blinked a few times, shook his head, tried to erase the emotions he could not escape. âIâd rather know we will die and get to love you than pretend and try not to love you at allâ.
Silence.
âI canât keep getting these memories and not pretend you arenât the most important person in the world to meâ.
Silence again, your heart was beating so loud you could barely hear the words you were speaking.
âAnd if you can pretend, good for you,â you continued, quietly, gently releasing your grip on his face. But he just grabbed your wrists before you moved too far, carefully placing it back where it was.
âI canât pretend anymore,â he admitted, shaky. âI canât.â
âThen letâs stop,â you spoke, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Because in space, time ticking lower and lower, it seemed like maybe it was. And there, something snapped, him reaching to cup your jaw. You grew closer and closer, foreheads hovering against the other.
âAre you sure?â he asked, his thumb brushing gently against your jaw.Â
You just nodded, âAre you?â
âIâve been sure since I first saw you again,â he replied, leaning into your touch, something you didnât know you needed so badly. âIâve known before I even understood whyâ.
Whatever hesitation left slipped away in that moment as your bodies allowed for it, allowed you to be selfish, the space between you closing. The magnets had finally collided. The kiss was so soft, you committed the feeling to memory. You never wanted to stop feeling it.Â
He was so careful, like you might shatter right there. And you just might, the feeling so overwhelming. And then it deepened, just slightly, the pent up hunger for something you both had tried so hard to fight. You scooted closer, as close as you could, his hand traveling up your jaw and slightly gripping into your hair. For a moment, one small moment, the ticking clock seemed to stop.
He pulled away with an âI love youâ on his lips before you could even speak. You met his eyes, and there was something there. It was bittersweet, knowing there would come a time where you would no longer get to see his eyes right in front of you. The thought made your stomach turn, a familiar burninig in your eyes. You hoped that if there was something after all of this, after life, that it would be a place you could still see his eyes.
âI know I should have said it a long time ago, I should have given us more time-ââ
The words knocked you back, it felt like a blow to the stomach as your head pounded, it always seemed to feel heavy but this felt different. It all falls into place, all those missing pieces, the scientists in the bar, the conversation on the deck, the volunteeringâŠthe goodbye.Â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You stand up, your head pouding as you hold onto it, feeling as if it might explode. You slightly stumble, falling against a wall for support, Ryland is quick to follow. You slide down the wall, slightly caving in on yourself, pulling your knees to your just. There were so many emotions coming to you at one, regret, fear, anger, longingâŠlove.
âHey, hey, hey," he says gently, reaching down to try and help you. âWhatâs happening? WhatâŠwhatâs going on?â
You look up and there is a panic in his eyes, one to match your own. You try to speak but you canât, you canât find the words.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air And he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word.
âTalk to me,â his voice comes back, his hand stretched out to you, you now sitting back against the wall. Your hands gripped your head, your eyes burned and your body shook. There were so many feelings, too many. You just shoved his hand away, before you could even process that it was there. âJust tell me you are okayâ.
âYou didnât say it,â you whispered out, scared to say it, scared to acknowledge that it was real.Â
âWhat?â he asked, gently crouching down to your level, gently reaching to brush hair out of your face, you shifted your head away. âWhat didnât I say?â
âYou didnât tell me to stay,â and the look on his face was one of unimaginable regret. âYou let me get on this shipâ.
âYou wanted to,â he pushed back and your heart dropped. âI meanâŠcome on, itâs not, it reall-â
âYou knew,â the realization hurt more than the memory. He didnât say anything, he had said he didnât know why. He had pretended like it was fine but he knewâŠhe knew why you were here.
âI didnât want to go back to all that,â he tried to reason, and it reminded you of the memory, the samn panic on his face. âI finally have this, I finally have you and it didnâtâŠI didnât want to-â
âSo you just were never going to tell me?â you looked at him, searched his face for something to understand. âWhat? You were just gonna hope it never came back to me?â
The same silence as he fought for his words.
âWhy didnât you stop me?â you finally asked, an answer you knew had been weighing on you, a feeling in your stomach you did not understand until this moment. âPlease Rylandâ.
And it was like dejavu, the same as the memory as he did not say anything. You flet it all over again.
âI stay up at night wondering why I couldnât have just said it,â his voice was so fragile, you looked up to meet his gaze and this time he was looking at you, focused on you. âAnd I wonder if maybe we would be living a normal life right now. Maybe weâd be together and youâd be doing your research and I would still be teaching. And maybe you would have come into my class sometimes as a guest teacher andâŠmy kids would have loved youâ.
A choked laugh escaped him at the thought as he reached up to run his hand though his hair. You let him talk, let him make up for all the silence as you just waiited to understand.Â
âAnd then I think about how I couldnât have ever stopped you,â he spoke again. âBecause you have always loved space more than Earth and then I wonder if I maybe could have but would that have been fair?â
âI just wanted to know,â you finally spoke up, and you shifted slightly, patting the space next to you, inviting him to sit rather than couch infront of you. He accepted, sitting beside you. âI just wanted you to stop being so scared and say itâŠbecause I dropped everything to come and help youâ.
âAnd I begged Eva Stratt for days leading up to take off to put me on that ship,â he admitted.
You hadnât thought about it really, about how he had gotten there.
âYour mission was to find purpose and see Tau Ceti,â he said. âAnd mine was to tell you that I love youâŠbecause I could not stay on Earth without youâ.
The words were so loud.
âThat was my mission, that is why I am here,â he continued. âAnd if you are mad at me, I understand whyâŠbut I will take those few seconds you were not and know it was worth leaving everything behind just for thatâ.
The clock seemed to come back, ticking louder and louder in your brain. The heavy realization that this was it, that there would be a day where this was gone and there would no longer be the pain and the wondering and the want. That there would come a time where you would not get to hate or love Ryland Grace anymore. And if you could pick one, you would love him for as long as you could. Even if you were mad, even if you wished it was different, he was still here and he had left the world for you.
âWe are going to die out here,â you spoke, bluntly and obviously. âAnd I wonât do that angry at you, I wonâtâ.
"Let me fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding so small. "Let me love you with the time we have".
You just leaned your head on his shoulder in response, his head resting a top of yours, a silent agreement. A silent truce. A page turned because dwelling in the past had become something you learned you could not do anymore. You wondered why people ever had at all? Because life was meant to be lived, because the past could offer you only ways to change and grow, it was not a place to remain in. It was your guide forward into a better future.Â
âWe would have had a good life together,â you spoke from the quiet, honest, no more pretending.Â
âWe will,â he corrected. âI mean it isnât really how I pictured it, but the views are pretty nice up hereâ.
You just laughed, laughed at how ridiculous this all was. How he had chased you all the way into the depths of the solar system, all the way into a new one entirely.Â
âI will take any time I can with you,â he spoke, gently reaching up to wipe a tear that had escaped. âI would take a few secondsâ.
âThis sucks,â your voice cracking slightly, a small huff of laughter escaping you because what else could you do.
âA little less with you here,â he corrected and you just smiled, a watery smile.
âGrace and (Last Name) not go home, question?â the familiar voice caused your head to snap towards the entrance to the room. The normally loud creature had somehow made himself a fly on the wallâŠyou wondered how long he had been there.
âHey buddy,â you squeaked out, wiping your eyes with the palm of your hand, sitting uop straight.Â
âRocky not understand, why not go back to Earth, question?â he persisted
The question was a hard one to answer, one you wanted to keep avoiding. To speak it into the air was to acknowledge that it would come soon, that it was real.Â
âThis is a one way trip for us,â Ryland spoke, calculated and straightforward, though you could hear the slight shake at the end of his words. âThey gave us enough Astrophage to make it to Tau Ceti and then we will send our findings back on probesâ
âWe have our mission and then we will be done,â you added, Rocky rolling into the room to stand in front of where the two of you sat. You shifted slightly, an appropriate distance, but his hand still lingered on your thigh, your hand atop of his.
âNo understandâ Rocky just repeated, shifting back and forth in his ball as if he were pacing. You would have laughed if the conversation wasnât about your inevitable death floating out in space.
âEarth is too far from here for us to get back Rock,â you continued, a shaky breath, a glance at Ryland, anything to ground yourself. You told yourself you were fine with it. But the thought, the thought of a normal life with Ryland, it ached all over your body. âWe have enough food to get us through a couple of years-â
âAnd then what, question?â
âWe will die,â Ryland answered, no longer beating around the bush. âWe chose this mission knowng we would die out hereâ.
We chose this mission. Rockys movements only got more exaggerated, him shifting around in a panic. Ryland gave your hand one squeeze before standing up to follow Rocky as he zoomed around the room.
âWe, uh, we have made peace with it,â though it sounded like more of a question than a statement. âWe know what will happen and we have made peace with itâ.
Rocky stopped moving, turning back to Ryland who now stood in front of him, trying to corral him like a dog that had escaped the house.
âHow much you need return Earth, question?â he spoke up, rolling back towards you, Ryland trailing behind him, trying to catch up with his quick changes in direction.
âAround two million kilogram,â the words sounded hopeless.
âI can giveâ.
Your gaze moved quickly to meet Rylands, an astonished look on his face. You tried to breathe, tried to keep yourself grounded, to not let yourself consider the option.
"I have extra. Can give that much from my ship and still have plenty for return to Erid".
"Rocky, you cant do thatâ.
âThat's too much to ask for Buddy," Ryland replied.
âLet Rocky fix,â he insisted, rolling to your side, as if he were sitting next to you. âRocky crew die, Rocky cannot fix. Rocky friends need help, Rocky fixâ.
Ryland had practically slammed himself into you on the ground, him holding you so tightly, a laugh of disbelief escaping him. The chance, the chance for something else for the two of you. Rocky bumped against you.
âConfsued, confused, confused,â as he rammed into your side. âGrace hurt Alien Girlâ.
Someone had leaked the nickname. You pulled away to give a pointed look at Ryland, he just shrugged his smile so wide.Â
âGet in here Rock,â he said, pushing the creature into your embrace, the two of you wrapping your arms around his sphere.Â
âConfused,â he repeated, insisting.
âIt's a hug Rocky,â you replied. âJust go with itâ.
The three of you moved with a newly lit passion, a new ease in the way you worked. There was hope, there was a future, a world where you would all make it back. The journey continued on, a new sense of understanding between Ryland and you. It was small glances in the lab, kissing in the hallway whenever you could get a minute away from RockyâŠthough he would normally somehow find the two of you, it was late night talking about what life would be like when you returned. A hopeful view of a world that could be better.
You worked hard, trying to understand whatever you could about Astrophage, as you got closer and closer to Tau Ceti E. And when the bright green planet comes into view you finally understand why you had picked this system to study. It was beyond what you could imagine, the siwling greens and oranges and reds so vibrant.Â
âLadie and Gentleman,â Ryland spoke. âI give you Tau Ceti Eâ.
You could just nod, no words fully encapsulating everything you felt in that moment as you looked at the planet. Your lifes work, there, in front of you. And when you walked out onto the hull of the ship with Ryland, you felt as though you could not breathe. It was astonishment on a level you never knew was possible. You were really seeing it, a system you had studied your whole life. And it was then you understood what Ryland meant when he said he could have never stopped youâŠbecause this was everything you had worked for.Â
âIs everything okay over there?â a knowing laugh at the end of his words.
âYeah,â you spoke up, unable to form words. âItâs justâŠwowâ.
âIt is wow,â he agreed, coming to float beside you, bumping your shoulder. You looked at him, him already looking at you, as if you were Tau Ceti E itself.Â
You think you blackout by the time you are back in the ship, so overwhelmed by emotion. You were sure your brain turned off once the Astrophage had surrounded you, the red dots filling your vision. Your brain could not handle it, as you sat back down insid the ship, buzzed with adrenaline. And when the data shows that there is another life form on Tau Ceti E eating the astropage to keep it balanced, you feel your body almost collapse. You laugh, an extremely loud laugh, the only thing your body could do.Â
âWhat?â Ryland asked, him and Rocky turning to look at you.
âI was right,â you speak, much quieter than the laugh, hand coming up to wipe your eyes. This was not the time, there was work to do.Â
âYou were right,â Ryland reassures, a nod and a smile, one as if he knew all along that you were. And you could just smile back, giving yourself a moment to feel it all. To feel that accomplishment after years of work, after almost giving up. You know your parents are out there somewhere in the universe smiling because they knew too. They knew you would do it all and it had taken you so long to truly believe that you were capable of it.
You jumped into action once more, because this was what you had prepared for, because this was what you had studied. And you knew. Right then, that you were meant to be up there, Ryland and Rocky and youâŠall of you with one risky plan. A risky plan you would pull off.
And you would, you would get close. When the alarms start flashing so loud, you start to wonder how it went wrong. The beeping rattles through your body, each flash of red light burning your eyes as you try to copilot Rocky as Ryland attempts to get the sample. It is a flash, a blur, your brain moving too fast for you to even process. And when the ship turns too sharp and you bang your head against the control board, you feel your hearing start to dwindle first. You blink over and over, trying to stop it but your head is pounding and you can barely keep your eyes open. You slump against the board, you call out for help for anything and you hear the panic, muffled voice of Rocky call back. Your name is yelled over and over again until you feel nothing at all.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
You wake up gasping for air, shooting up from your bed trying to focus your vision, as everything begins to come back to you. Ryland and Rocky and the sample on Tau Ceti E. The panic feels worse the second time around. You move quickly, looking around, when you see Ryland asleep on the bed beside yours. You cautiously move towards him, hand gently running through his hair, your other moving to his chest. He was breathing and you feel a sense of calm wash over you at the fact.Â
Then you realize that it is quiet, much too quiet and you move quickly out of the room and into the halls. Your head still pounded and the running made you dizzy but you pushed through to get to the main room. Then you see it, the splotches on the ground all leading to a small figure crumbled on the floor. You rush quickly, so quickly, dropping to the floor to meet your alien roommate. You move your hands over him, feeling no sense of movement. Your heart beat won't steady, your breathing is ragged as you move to pick him up. You move him gently, as careful as you can back to the area he had built himself, back in his own atmosphere. And you knew then what he had done, what he had risked to make sure Ryland and you survived. You stand there for a while, watching himâŠjust waiting.
âYou gotta pull through, okay buddy?â you speak as if he can hear you, words trembling as they escape you. âYou are the smartest part of this teamâ.
You donât know how long it is until you feel a hand on your shoulder, your head snapping and your body only calming when you realize it's him. He's alive, he is okay. And you pull your arms around him just as quick, head pressed to his chest listening as his heart beats in a steady rhythm. He does the same, arms wrapped, holding tightly for as long as he could. There was just silence, no words big enough, his head just gently rested atop of yours like it always found its way to. A gentle kiss placed on your forehead, a rhythm of his hand moving up and down your back.
You pull away, you look at each other and just nod. You fall back into that familiar pattern, no words needed as you move around the lab organzing all the samples and getting it ready for Rocky. So closeâŠyou were so close and you would all make it. You had to.
A few nights pass, the two of you moving all the samples of Taumoeba into the tanks Rocky had crafted. He would be so excited.
You are sitting at the desk when Ryland comes to join you, sitting beside you. It was like this most nights, most nights the two of you wouldnât even say a word.
But he spoke this time, he spoke with a hope that had not left him just yet, âwhat color would we paint our walls?â
You laugh at the simplicity of the question, âyou asking me to move in Grace?â
âI thought that was established,â he shrugged, a small smile as laid his head against the desk, you moving to do the same. Heads laid on the table, the two of you just faced the other, smiling. âI mean, we have been living in this space tube for a while alreadyâ.
âI gotta think about it, the wall color is a big decision,â you humor him back, let yourself believe that you would still make it home. âWe got some time thoughâ.
The silence is normal now, almost more normal than any sound.
âDo you think he is just sleeping?â you speak up, wanting some sort of answer, one you knew you wouldnât be able to get.
âHe sleeps like a rock,â he tries to joke, but it falls back into the silence. He sits up again, running his hand down your back again, you leaning into any comfort you could get. âHe is strong, he is gonna pull throughâ.
Neither of you knew that, but you would choose to believe it cause it made it all easier. None of this was easy.
âI donât like this,â you let yourself be selfish, be completely truthful and it felt good to not pretend you were alright. âI hate not knowing what is gonna happen next. Not knowing if any of this will even workâ.
He just nodded, looking down at you, your head still laid against the table, looking off into the distance.
âI used to think this was gonna be simpleâ he admitted. âWe collect the data, send it home and then we wait forâŠâ
He trailed off, the thought too heavy, to ugly.
âBut now it isnât that simple anymore,â you finished for him and he just nodded. The two of you had a sense of understanding, one where you could say no words at all and completely understand how the other was feeling.
âItâs him,â he added. âItâsâŠyou. I just want it all, I want it all with you and it seems so closeâ.
Your heart ached at his words. You sat up, running your hands over your face.
âI donât know if I even have the answers anymore,â he admitted. âI feel like I am lying when I talk, because I donât know if there even is oneâ.
The silence wraps itself around the two of you again and you want nothing more than to just be as close as possible to him. You reach for his hand, and he just as quickly grabs it, his hand wrapped tight around yours.
âDo you think about what it will be like after thisâŠif we pull this off?â you spoke up, looking at your two hands intertwined, rested on the table.
âConstantly,â he answered, and you couldnât hold it in anymore as the emotions bubbled over. Tears fell from your eyes, as your body began to shake. He moved quickly, coming to stand behind your seat, wrapping his arms around you. Thatâs just how he was, he was your stable force.Â
âWhat do you think it will be like?â you asked, quiet through shaky breaths. âIf we get back homeâ.
âIt will be everything I have ever wanted,â he said, like it was obvious, like it was so simple. And you just held him tighter, committing the feeling to memory.Â
âWhat Rocky miss?âÂ
The words startle you so much you fall out of your chair and Ryland just laughs and you laugh. God you laugh so hard it hurts, so hard you know your stomach will ache for days and you hope it does. Because it would be a reminder of how somehow Ryland and you had survived this all.
âRocky does not get reaction from friends,â he spoke, his familiar confused tone.
Through laughing you sit up, just moving slightly to reach him and throwing your arms around him. Ryland does the same, the two of you holding the alien in his enclosure, so tight, you didnât want to let go.
âWe are going home Rocky,â you spoke, head still buried into the embrace. âWe are going to get you homeâ.
And everything felt right, right there with a rock and a man you loved. Right there in space, surrounded by the beauty of the stars that you had always yearned for. But you had found a new purpose, a purpose to get a new friend home and return back to yours to save it.Â
âRocky see mate again?â he asked, and the question made your heart ache because you could say yes. And Rocky would spin into a chaos of excitement at the answer, immediately asking what work still needed to be done. The craziest part was nothing, you just had to load the Taumoeba on his ship and get the extra astrophage. It waas bittersweet and you were thankful for that.
Much celebration filled the night, the projection room filled with fireworks and loud music. The two of you taught Rocky how to dance even if he found it dumb.. And that next morning when you said goodbye, a piece of you would leave with the alien creature.
In the tunnel, you stood by the glass formation he had built. He was already on his side of the barrier, staring at the two of you. What words could you even say?
You stood there for a while before moving to place your hand against the glass like you had the first time.Â
âThank you,â you spoke, two words, the only words that could ever come close to being enough.Â
âI guessâŠI guess we should get going?â Ryland spoke, but you felt glued to the ground. Because this was it, that was the last time you would see him, separated by the galaxy.Â
âYou are bravest humans Rocky has ever met,â and the words hit you hard and you smile because Ryland had rubbed off on him. âItâs joke, you are only humans Rocky has metâ.
You smile wider, a small laugh escaping you. You could not be sad, not when you had somehow accomplished the impossible.Â
âYou spent too much time with Grace,â you joked back and Rocky only made a sound in protest.
âNot enough,â he said and you pressed your hand once again to the glass, his meeting yours.
âNot enough,â you agreed, Ryland moving to stand behind you, hand resting on your shoulder.Â
âDonât forget about us,â he spoke, hiding the shake in his voice with a cough.Â
âRocky never forget,â and you just smiled, turning to meet Rylands eyes, them the same as yours, watery and overwhelmed with emotion.Â
âGoodbye Rocky,â he spoke up, and the alien once again protested.
âIn Erid we do not say goodbye,â he corrected. âWe do thisâ
The rocky creature began to rub one arm over the other and the two of you just copied. It was easier, you did not have the words in you to say âgoodbyeâ. You moved slowly back towards the door of your ship, sending one final glance back to the creature who just watched the two of you. And just like Ryland did, as the door to the ship closed, through the window you saw him give his version of a thumbs up. You smile, looking at Ryland who looked at you. It was going to be okay.Â
The two of you moved in a silence through the ship until you reached the dormitory.
âBack to sleep?â you asked, unsure of what was next, four years of a journey ahead.
âI guess so,â he said, a hesitation in his words.
The thought of sleeping again sat heavy in yoru chest, the fear of forgetting it all again. You couldnât, you could not forget any of this.
âOne night?â you asked, and he turned in curiosity to look at you. âLet's sleep on it for a nightâ.
And he nodded, the two of you making your way to your individual beds. You stood there, pulling back the sheets when you hear his voice saying your name. You looked uo to meet his eyes.
âStay with me tonight?â he asked, gesturing to his bed. âPleaseâ.
You heard it in his tone, the fear, the want to be close and you knew you wanted it to. You moved across the room, a new sense of intimacy greeting the two of you. The bed was small, but you made it work as you climbed into it, adjusting to fit the two of you comfortably. His arms reached around you, pulling your back to be pressed against his chest and you buried yourself in comfort. There, in the silence, two bodies pressed together. Your breathing fell into a similar rhythm and you could feel his eyes on the back of your head. And then you turned, meeting his face, scanning his. And before you could make the move, he made his, his lips meeting yours in a rhythm of longing and you melted right into it.
It was built up energy, after days upon days on this ship, after years prior of beating around the bush about what the two of you were. And you needed it, your body carved the feeling. You grew closer and closer, the kiss growing deeper as you moved to sit on top of him. His hands reached up to run through your hair, slightly gripping onto it and pulling you any closer he possibly could. You ran your hand up and down his arm before finding a place cup his jaw. There did not need to be words in that moment, the two of you communicating in a new way.Â
A quiet breathy groan escaped him, one that sent heat all up your body, and you made it your new mission to pull the sound from him again.
âYou are so perfect,â he mumbled against your lips. âSo, so perfectâ.
âI love you,â you got out in between kisses, in the moments where you gasped for air before going back.
He sat up, you still sitting on him as he gently picked you up to move you on your back, him now above you. He held himself up above you, reaching to brush a stray piece of hair from your face. And he just looked at you, in a way no one had ever before, so intently, looking at every part of your face as if you were his favorite painting in a museum.
âI love you so much,â he spoke, for only you, so quiet. God you loved him too and you would say it a million times, as many times as you couldâŠeven if that would never be enough.
Then, as if on cue, as if the universe wanted to keep you apart the alarm began blare. He jumped up to attention, the sound triggered a panic that both of you shared. You looked at him, him at you. He quickly leaned down, pressing one last kiss to your forehead and then gave you a nod.
You moved quickly, joining him as he rushed down the hall to the control room. You quickly behind him, watching as he scanned the screens.
You notice it first, the other screen flashing the words FOREIGN PRESENSE DETECTED.
âThe lab,â you breathed out, looking at the screen.
âThe Taumoeba,â he finished for you, jumping out of the chair just as quickly,.He moved down the hall at the same fast paced, the adrenaline pumping through the two of you. It hit you quickly as you looked at the cylinders on the wall.
âThey are leaking,â he observed, turning to look at you and the realization of what that meant hit you like a train.
âRocky,â you turned to him in a panic and he just gave you back a dazed nod. And it was there, right in that moment that you knew. Ryland and you were always meant for unexpected. That a normal life wasnât what either of you ever needed, you just needed each other. You needed a good friend who had given you both so much.
âRocky,â you repeated. And he looked at your, pleading eyes, as he too knew what this meant. âWe gotta go back for himâ.
And you knew what that meant, that meant no going home, it meant leaving it all forever. What even was home? It was people, the people who carry you through life, lifting you up in celebration in your best moments and holding you together in the bad. And when you look at Ryland, you see it so clearly. Your home was not that dingy apartment, it was not San Francisco, it was anywhere the two of you were together.
He reached for your hand, and you grabbed it back, standing there together looking at the wall of samples.
âYou want to do this?â he asked.
âWe need to do this,â you replied, the most sure you had ever been.
He just nodded at you, that smile you never wanted to forget. Tomorrow you would wake up and you would be traveling back towards Rockyâs ship. It would take weeks and you would watch the days pass by, filled with Ryland and you arranging the samples to send back to Earth. And it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were with Ryland Grace and you were alive. You were wearing an alien shirt and spending late nights in a lab on a ship beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home, because you were finally home.
In which the government (Eva Stratt) shows up at your door and gives you no choice but to join the Petrova Taskforce. The reason? Ryland Grace recommended you, your old friend (or whatever you were) from college. And for some reason, you said yes.
or
the tether tying you to earth was always very thin, but now it seemed ready to snap.
word count: 10.7k (lol)
content warning: some (a lot of) inaccurate science (I hate to say it but I would not be on the Petrova Taskforce), some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, slight (very slight) references to sex, mention of parental death, mention of needles and going under, miscommunication trope (yasss) and someone tell ryland grace to just say something!! ( as always, lmk if I missed anything)
a/n: wow this has been sitting with me for a while! this is like my passion project, I have been so excited to get this out and I hope you all enjoy it too! this is my first time writing for Ryland (and writing in a while so give me some grace...see what I did there?). excited to be back and hopefully writing some more!
ANYWAYS, I would happily write a part two of if the people want it! (or just rant in my inbox about headcanons)
If there was one thing you knew it was that Ryland Grace and you perfectly orbited each other, even when he was far off in San Francisco teaching the next generation of young scientists. It had been that way since you met him in college and it just never stopped. Part of you thought it was written in the stars that Ryland Grace and you were meant to do great things together.
Even after everything that happened with his research paper, even after your lab group dropped you post college from lack of funding, it was still the two of you. Science Partners, pen pals, best budsâŠ.among other ambiguous unstated things. You stayed in contact over the years, frequent calls, letters, the stupid punny e-cards he would email you on your birthday every year. There was a time, in college, when the two of you were together almost every day. And your excuse was always that we just work well together.
You knew Ryland Grace, you would say it was your next best subject. However, in this specific, very rare instance, you had no idea what the fuck Ryland Grace was even talking about.
Have you ever considered helping save the planet?
You must have reread the email a thousand times. Enough where your brain eventually shut off from confusion and your head met the keyboard in place of a pillow. Only when a loud thudding rattled through your dingy apartment did you finally realize that you had even fallen asleep. You blinked at the screen, lifting your head from your keyboard, the sun shining through the windows onto your desk. Reaching up, you peeled a small sticky note off your face, rubbing your eyes.
BANG, BANG, BANG. The sound rattled through your thin walls again and only on the second time did you realize it was coming from your front door. You paused for a second and glanced at your small digital clock, it was only six in the morning. Shooting up from your chair you made your way to the door, grabbing an umbrella on the way over, just in case.
You peered through the peep hole, only relaxing for a second when you saw a womanâŠthen her two, what you could assume were body guards, behind her. Right about now you would have called Ryland but he had been off the grid, that email being the first sign of life you had gotten in days.
Shit. Shit. Shit. What do you even do? You glanced back out, seeing them talking amongst themselves before knocking again, the woman calling your name through the door. Quickly turning to the mirror on the wall near the door, you let out a groan at what you saw. There was mascara smeared under your eyes from sleep and your hair stuck up in fifteen directions, all completed by the oversized t-shirt you had on reading âThis gal believes in aliensâ.Â
Fuck it!
You threw the umbrella to the side, brushed some hair out of your face and opened the door, casually leaning against the frame like everything was under control.
âHi,â you spoke up, voice rough from not sleep, quickly clearing your throat in response, arms crossed over yourself to hide the stupid shirt. âHiâŠuh is there anything I can do for you?â
The women did not look amused, only offering you a nod, slightly peaking into the small studio apartment behind you.Â
âYes, actually, you received an email,â she spoke, sharp, straight to the point. It wasnât a question really, more like a confirmed fact she was repeating. Her eyebrow quirked ever so slightly at your silence. âAm I wrong?â
You shook your head quickly.
âYes or no? It is really that simpleâ.
âYes, yes, sorryâŠâ you hesitated for a second, coming to the quick realization you had no idea who these people were. And yet, you were so scared to see what would happen if you lied. âYeah I got an emailâ.
âNot my decision. Dr. Grace thought however that it would be most efficient,â she continued. âHe has spoken very highly of you and from my own research, I can understand whyâ.
Dr. Grace? Ryland?Â
She gestured past you which you could only respond by moving to the side. Her presence commanded space and you respected it, or feared it, there was a lot to unpack. She stepped past you, turning to give a nod to the two men with her who remained outside.
âI am sorry,â you began, closing the door, turning to face her. âMaybe you got the wrong person-â
âThat is not possible,â she replied. âHe was very insistent that we must contact you in order to move forwardâ.
For what? Contact you for what?
You watched as the woman moved around the room like it was her space, picking up books and skimming through old pages of notes you had written. Then she turned to face a white board you had mounted messily in your kitchen, scribbled with notes and doodles that surrounded three big words: THE PETROVA LINE.
âSeems we are on the same page,â she mused, the first time you had heard any significant change in her tone.Â
The space and the stars and the idea of infinity above had kept you up late into the night as a child. Your parents should have expected your world was one far away from the grounds of Earth, that you would live your life with your head in the stars. Your father used to have to drag you inside from your backyard, you set up with a blanket and a small telescope that they had bought you for your birthday that year. Each night would end the same, your parents calling you to come inside and you asking for five more minutes, which turned into ten, which turned into hours. But your little sixth grade self could not fathom how school was more important than the world above, the possibilities of the stars.
And when you went to college to study that world it was the easiest decision of your life. Then the stars turned on you and you could not understand why.
The Petrova Line kept you up at night.
âYou studied the Tau Ceti System, yes?â
The name of the planet system sent a shockwave through you in a way you didnât even know was possible. Tau Ceti was your whole life, or it had been in a distant past, it was a system you believed to have more potential than people truly gave it credit for. Yes, you knew Tau Ceti, however you had let that ship sail a long time ago.Â
âYeah,â you spoke up, quieter than before. âYeah I did some work on Tau Cetiâ.
And you could not help the wave of disappointment that hit you at those words. You had been recruited to a lab group after college that was specifically dedicating funding to researching the Tau Ceti System, and when it fell through, so did all your plans. You had dropped every other offer for the one that, it was everything you had wanted. It was a risk, and it fell through. No one really prepares you for post college as an Astrobiologist, no one ever tells you that you will end up working as a waitress at the Extraterrestrial Eatery near your house. At least you got to wear a cool space suit there. Tau Ceti and your other research had been benched, pushed to the side for evenings when you had nothing else to do.
âPerfect. Now that is cleared up, grab anything that might be important and we can be on our wayâ.
The women turned to move past you back for the door and you felt like your feet were suddenly glued to the ground. You opened your mouth to speak, before closing it, then opening it again. Yet no sound seemed to come out.
âWhat is this?â she asked, turning back, gesturing to your face. âI do not need the fish impression right now, this is a serious matter, we do not have the timeâ.
You immediately shut your mouth, then took a breath.
âWho are you?â you finally cried out. âWhat is this? No one is telling me anything!â
You felt insane, like you were living in some simulation where everyone knew what was going on but you. Where were the cameras? When were they gonna jump out and say it was all some weird, honestly unnerving, prank?
âI am Eva Stratt, head of the Petrova Taskforceâ she began. âAnd you have been selected by Ryland Grace to help solve the Petrova Lineâ.
âI have work tomorrow,â you breathed out, a loss for words. The Petrova Taskforce, some of the world's most brilliant minds coming to youâŠa waitress at an alien restaurant. The email came back to you, the ominous words from Ryland, saving the world. This was news that a long time ago would have been everything you had ever wanted to hearâŠnow you felt like some imposter, out of place.
Why you? Why now? Why after years of beating around the bush did Ryland Grace need your help to solve one of humanity's greatest emergencies. Why was Ryland Grace solving one of humanity's greatest emergencies?
âThat will not be a problem,â Stratt countered. âWe have already contacted your place of work and put you on an indefinite time of leaveâ.
âYou canât just do that!â you fought back, even if you knew that was the least of your worries. It was all so much, all at once. Ryland and Tau Ceti and the Petrova Line and saving the fucking planet.Â
You remained still glued to the floor, grasping at straws, scared of saying yesâŠmaybe even more scared of saying no. You glanced around the room, the books, the hours of work, the pictures of Ryland and you scattered around the room from college. It had been years since you saw him and maybe that scared you too, seeing him again, reopening feelings you had sworn to bury too deep to ever reach again.Â
Your curiosity for the world remained, your love for space had never quite gone away, that would be impossible. It was just more of a hobby now, you looked less like someone with a PhD in Astrobiology and more like a crazed conspiracy theorist. You werenât the same scientist from college, bright eyed and ready to fly into space if she had to.
Dr. Stratt spoke your name from the silence, your eyes snapping back to meet hers, âthe sun is dying.â
The word settled heavy, lingering in the air between the two of you.Â
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she continued, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
-----------
If there was something you would be fine never doing again it was that fuck-ass fighter jet. But now, standing in front of the door to the conference room, you think you might rather go back and ride the jet a few more times to stall. You hadnât seen Ryland Grace in yearsâŠand now you were there, feet away from him and the idea overwhelmed you more than you thought it would.
The ride over had been a bumpy, hazy mess. Anyone you tried to ask about what was happening would ignore you as if you were a ghostâŠwhich only left you with more questions. By the time you landed on a boat your brain was too tired to even try to make sense of it all.
You had met Ryland in college. You both ended up in the same class, âThe History of Extraterrestrial Lifeâ...better known on campus as That One Alien Class. It filled both of your general education requirements, or at least thatâs what you told him was your reasoning. It had taken him weeks to get you to admit that you believed in Aliens and even longer to admit that the class really wasnât a joke to you.Â
The two of you were paired up for most of the semester, spending time whispering in class and making jokes about how deranged the content was. Even if it did open your eyes up to the whole Tau Ceti system.Â
You remember the last day of class so vividly. It was your final presentation and Ryland had taken it upon himself to get you these dumb matching shirts reading, âThis gal believes in aliensâ paired with âthis guy probably is an alienâ. It was stupid. And it was so perfect.
The thought made you smile, only for a second, before the nerves of it all settled back in.Â
There was too much there, floating, left unsaid. And it scared the shit out of you.Â
Before you could even fully prepare, the doors opened, your body moving in autopilot as Eva Stratt led you into the room. There you were, suddenly standing in front of what felt like a million eyes, all looking to you like you had answers. You had to remind yourself not to do the whole fish thing again as you just awkwardly gave a small wave, trying hard to keep your mouth shut. What am I doing?  You were a waitress at an alien themed restaurant, not a scientistâŠat least not anymore.Â
Stratt introduced you to the room, briefly detailing your credentials to be here. You had kept your gaze straight, scared to look in either direction, straight was safe, straight was easier. You had imagined what it would be like seeing him again, more times than you would ever like to admit, and this was nowhere close to what you thought it would ever be. In a room surrounded by some of the world's most important people.Â
âThis is Dr. (last name),â you hadnât been referred to as that in a whileâŠand you could not lie, it felt kinda good. âShe has researched the Tau Ceti system most of her career and will help us identify why exactly the Tau Ceti star is the only one not losing energyâ
Great. They really loved leaving out the important details. You knew the star, probably more than the back of your hand but there was still immense mystery to it.
âAnything you want to share, Doctor?â Stratt finished, turning the room over to you and you made the one mistake, moving your head. There, at the left end of the table was him, Dr. Grace. Not an email, not a letter or postcard, not a lingering memoryâŠno it was really him, looking at you. Every emotion you had ever felt about him hit you at once in a way that made you want to grab on to the nearest wall so as to not crumble to the ground. Ryland, your Ryland, the same one you remember, albeit a little older, a little more tired. Your heart stuttered for a moment, actually stuttered, like it too had forgotten how to function. And all you could do was muster a small wave. Nothing could have prepared you.Â
You had spent years pretending that he wasnât the sun of your own personal solar system. It turned out that was much easier when he was not standing feet away from you, his glasses practically falling off his face.
You swallowed, mouth running dry. And funny as it was, after all the years, after all the anticipation and wondering, your body eventually went back to the familiar state it always did when it saw him. You softened. Your heart beat steadied and your breathing returned to something much more normal.
Stratt cleared her throat, your eyes snapping back to hers.
âUmâŠTau Ceti is⊠pretty dang cool,â you finally choked out, the people around the room sharing looks between each other. â...Thank youâ.
Sporadic, unsure claps filled the room as you took a step back, ready to smash your head through the nearest wall. You did not lie, Tau Ceti was pretty freaking cool. But you were sure that was not what the Patrova Taskforce really needed to hear from you at that moment.Â
âThank you,â Stratt said, a slight shake of her head, before she gestured towards the empty chair in the one section of the room you had planned on avoiding for at least a little longer. You tried to ignore her before one of the men in suits began to guide you there himself.
Each step you took felt heavy, like your body was trying to stop you. But there was the other part, your heart racing in anticipation, in want. This was what you had wanted, your work hadnât been the same without him. You two brought out a fire in each other, seeing the best in the mess of crazy ideas the two of you brought to the table. The two of you.
As you walked down the table, a few of the other scientists took turns shaking your hand, welcoming you on board. Maybe your speech was not a total mess afterall. You hadnât even realized you had made it to the end of the table, his hand reaching yours before your brain could catch up.Â
âTau Ceti is pretty dang cool,â the familiar voice spoke. Your eyes immediately met his and you felt like the world had stopped for just a second. Every version of him you remembered and every version you didnât hit you all at once. Then you felt him squeeze your hand, his head slightly tilting. âEarth to alien girl?â
It was an odd feeling, seeing someone after so long. The memory of him was hazy until that very moment. You had tried so hard to remember the shade of his eyes and the way they kinda squinted up when he laughed. You had tried to commit those things to memory, tried to live through the pictures, but nothing compared seeing them in-person, in front of you.
You tried to form words, frozen in place, only coming back to reality as Stratt began to talk once more. You quickly sat down, pulling your hand from his and forcing your attention forward.
There were a few seconds where neither of you spoke, ignoring the weight of his eyes on you. You were supposed to be professionalsâŠsince when were you ever professionals? You were on a boat, with the world's best scientists, saving the planetâŠnext to your best friend. And somehow, that felt like the most overwhelming part. You were sure your brain would eventually catch up one day, the shock fading with every minute that passed.
Then he slightly shifted in his chair, âPretty dang cool?â he asked, just loud enough for you to hear, just like the two of you used to do in those alien class lectures. A smile grew on your face, one you tried to bite back.
âI panicked,â you whispered back, eyes still focused forward on Stratt, nodding along to words you werenât even hearing. You didnât have to look at him to know he was smiling too.
The silence again, the silence of years of pushing off visits and ignoring the hard questions. It made you twitch slightly, racking your mind for anything to ease it.
âSo, are you the one responsible for the U.S. government pretty much knocking down my door this morning?â you whispered from the quiet, a slight quirk of your brow, gaze still set forward.Â
âGuilty,â he said, seeing him lift his hands in mock surrender in the peripheral of your vision. You could almost roll your eyes at how predictable the response was, slightly nudging his foot with yours under the table. He let out a quiet, breathy laugh, one you wanted to be the reason for forever.
âI didnât think you would come,â he spoke again, his words softer this time, real.
Those were the words that broke your focus, your head turning to meet his gaze, really meeting his gaze, for the first time.
âKinda didnât have a choice,â you replied, half-joking, the other half completely honest, thinking back to the morning and the woman who was now commanding the room. Then you smiled, looking back at him, âBut I would have come regardlessâ.
Even if you still werenât exactly sure what all this was, what you had somehow signed up for. Even if it made you question who you were, why you were hereâŠwhat you were to him.
You looked down to your lap. You were among the greats because Ryland Grace said you should be. You were not quite sure yet if that was reassuring or terrifying.
âItâs gonna be like old times, huh?â he added, as if it would make it all easier. âYou know, you and me, figuring things out, putting the pieces togetherâ.
Fuck. That did not make it any easier.
The meeting breezed by in a blur, words flying all around you as you tried to catch up to speed with what exactly was happening. You could pick out Petrova Line, Astrophage, Tau Ceti, among several other things you werenât quite sure on.Â
And then it was quiet. Just you and him, alone, in a room that now felt much too big. You both started talking at the same time-
âSo-â
âHey-â
You stopped, laughed, apolgizedâŠtried again.
Then you did the exact same thing once more.
âOut of sync,â you joked, a quiet laugh, as the adrenaline wore off and gave way to a feeling you could not describe. You knew him but then again, it had been years. It was finding the balance between an old friend and a stranger.Â
âItâs been a little bit, huh?â he added, hands digging into the pocket of his jeans. You finally got a glimpse of his shirt, a science pun you were sure he was so excited to show his class of middle schoolers.Â
âYeah, just a little bit,â you added, feeling exposed now without the other people in the room, the slightest bit bitter that it had taken all this to see him again. But then again, who really was to blame for that? You looked down at the ground for a second, shuffling your feet against the floor, racking your brain for anything.
 âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him. âWhy me?â
He quickly pulled away, as if he was shocked into motion, a wild look on his face, you almost started laughing.
âWhat?â he gasped out, dramatic as ever.
âWhat do you mean âwhatâ?â you countered, slightly shoving him in the chest. âWhy am I here, dumbass?â
âHey, so first, we are not cursing anymore,â he scolded, his voice morphing into something you only imagine came from years of teaching. âSecond, you are the only person I know who would be crazy enough to show up hereâ.
He shrugged as if it all was nothing, that dumb smile on his face, as he began to move towards the door. âAnd you would kill me if I got to research Tau Ceti and you didnât get the inviteâ.
You wanted to interject, fight it, but you knew, deep down somewhere, that Ryland never stopped knowing you and you never quite stopped loving him.Â
âYou just gonna stand there?â he asked, already at the door, holding it open. âOr are we gonna do some science?â
It really was like no time had passed between college and nowâŠwell if you ignored the millions of dollars worth of equipment now at your complete disposal. Itâs funny, the way the body reverts back to old habits. The way Ryland and you moved in the lab was your own sort of rhythm, brains connected in a way that seemed almost superhuman. You needed to grab a tool, he dropped it on your desk before you could even move. He had a question, you were answering it as the question left his mouthâŠthen he would smile at you and roll his eyes and go back to his work. It should have felt different after all this timeâŠand it just didnât. It was dangerous. And it was so wonderful.
The Vat, or Stratts Vat as everyone began to call it, was a hodgepodge of every science you had ever dreamed of. You could talk to a biologist from across the world and then suddenly meet an engineer who happened to be from your hometown. For a while you pretended that this wasnât what you wanted, you ached to go back to what was safe and comfortable. But as you stood there, another day on the boat, you realized that maybe this is what you had been waiting for. You were researching again, being curious, all the things your younger self could have only dreamed of.Â
Your days were mostly spent with Ryland, the two of you poking at astrophage while you dug through old research papers you had on Tau Ceti. Your presentation was coming up, only revealed to you a few mornings ago by Dr. Stratt. She had come into the lab early, you had just woken up, believing it to be a perfect time to tell you that you would be addressing the taskforce with any details you had on the planet system. You sat there, swiveling back and forth in your chair, your sidekick on the other side of the room jumping up and down about a new development in Astrophage breeding.
âI wish I had your energy right now,â you groaned out, shuffling through your notes.
âTau Ceti not treating you well?â he asked, peaking his head around a shelving unit that slightly blocked your view. âDid you try taking it out to dinner first?â
All you could do was flip him the finger, scribbling notes at the same time. âYou think I havenât tried that yet?â
He let out a laugh, coming around to stand behind where you were sat working. You had been really trying, but there were some things that just needed to be seen to be understoodâŠand one of those was Tau Ceti. You had theories, tons of them, hopefully enough to be of help.
âShe is still my greatest mystery,â you admitted, turning your chair to face him.
âWell Rome was not built in one day,â he looked at you, a serious look on his face regardless of the word choice. âAnd Tau Ceti is not gonna be understood that quick either".
You let your head dramatically fall to rest on the desk, quietly groaning into the sleeves of your jacket. Then you felt Rylands hands on your head gently shaking it.
âHey,â he began, a laugh already escaping him, you mentally preparing yourself for whatever he would be saying next. âRemember they used to call you the brain!â
âUh, you used to call me the brain,â you retorted, lifting your head up and shoving his hands away. âand it was and still is stupidâ.
He grabbed your head once more, shaking it around, âCâmon use the brain, I know it is in there somewhereâ.
You turned to glare at him, his lopsided smile making it hard for you to be upset at anything. The energy settled down, the man leaning back against the desk across from you.
âDo you think this is all gonna work out?â you spoke up, looking back to your notes. âTau Ceti and the Astrophage and all of it?â
âI donât know,â he admitted, blunt and honest. âBut beats sitting around and waiting for it to solve itselfâŠar at least that it what I choose to tell myselfâ.
You just nodded, letting him fade back into his work as you faded back into yours. If Tau Ceti wasnât enough, the constant push and pull between Ryland and you was. You told yourself to keep it easy, to ignore it, all those dumb feelings squashed down from college that threatened to bubble over any second. You buried yourself in your work, that was easiest. But there would be nights where you would fall asleep at your desk and wake up to a blanket thrown over you. Or mornings when the mess you left in the lab were cleaned upâŠand there would be Ryland, a small wave and a smile, doing a âcheersâ with his coffee mug. You could not let yourself read into it, because then it would be all the much harder to eventually pull away.Â
The presentation day had come in a blur, you now standing once again in the front of that room, papers gripped so tightly in your hands. You were never good at the presenting part of it all. In the bustle of the room you were able to find him, him waving his hands above his head to get your attention. You smile, he shot over two giant thumbs up, and all you could muster was one half as enthusiastic one back. You turned to look through your notes when he caught your eye again, pointing at his head and mouthing âthe brainâ, which you could only roll your eyes in response, a quiet laugh fighting its way out of you.
âAlright everyone,â the powerful voice of Eva Stratt entered the room, coming to stand beside you in front of the projector screen. âAs you know, Dr. (LAST NAME), has been working hard gathering information on Tau Ceti, which will be our final destination for this tripâ.
Everyone around the room turned their full attention to you as the women gestured to you and took a seat. Deep breath.Â
Your heart was jumping in all sorts of directions, as you fidgeted with the clicker, trying to get the presentation to flip to the next slide.
âHi,â you began.
âTau Ceti, it is pretty dang cool!â Ryland called out from the back, heads turning to him, him once again shooting the thumbs up.
âUh, yesâŠas Dr. Grace put it, "Tau Ceti is really âdang coolâ,â some of the scientists laughed at that, the stress easing the littlest bit off your shoulder. You began clicking through slides, diagrams of the systems and the potential planets in its orbit. âThank you for your enthusiasmâ.
You took one last deep breath before diving right in, trusting yourself and the years of work you had put into this already.
âWhat makes Tau Ceti so interesting, while not an exact match, is that it has the potential to be the closest relative to our own solar system,â you began. âWhich means, there is a great likelihood of it supporting life or even already having life within it.â
âNow we know that the Tau Ceti sun is the only star to have not been impacted by the Astrophage, however what is harder to understand is exactly why,â you continued, switching to the next slide, getting into a rhythm. It was easy when it was your whole life's passion. âWhich is why our mission is going there, to better understand itâŠhowever I have some theories that could be useful to prepare our travelers for what exactly might be going onâ.
There was first, the idea that the spectral output on Tau Ceti did not match that of what Astrophage was looking to feed on. However the spectral output is very similar to the Sun so it would have to be significantly off to be a problem, which was unlikely. Along with this, there could be some sort of natural defense, like dust specific to that atmosphere. However, the most exciting idea was that of evolutionary pressureâŠanother lifeform that could be eating away at the Astrophage to keep it in balance. While so extremely far fetched, it was the one that made you the most excited to get the data back from the scientists on the Hail Mary. It could change everything that scientists know about that system.
âBut the honest answer is, we donât know until we get up there and bring back some samples,â you closed out. âNow we do have to be aware that this planet is around twelve lightyears away from usâ.Â
You were in a rhythm now, comfortable enough to really look up and around at the people in the room, several of them taking notes and nodding along. âWhich means we are kinda looking at it in the past. The light we are seeing right now left Tau Ceti twelve years ago. Which is incredible, but there is the risk that this system is already gone or changed and we wouldnât know until we get thereâ.
âHowever,â you flipped to your final slide. âThe data we are able to gather from here points to strong evidence that this system is very alive and this trip will not only open doors for Astrophage but open up a world to an entirely new solar system that could be inhabited by human lifeâ.
You clicked again, the slideshow coming to a close, âAnd, uh, yeah that is it from meâŠthanks guysâ.
The sound of applause filled the room and you finally felt like you could actually breathe again rather than having to remind yourself to. Your face hurt from smiling, looking around the room, taking it in. You imagined your younger self, sat with her big telescope and book of constellations in a chair in the back. She is smiling, the biggest smile you have ever seen. She knew all those late nights would eventually pay off. Even after your original Tau Ceti lab fell through, even when you couldnât find a job and ended up at an alien restaurant, even when your door got busted down by Eva StrattâŠall those days led to this moment, right now. You wished you could go back and tell the girl in college that it would be okay, that she was enough, that one day she would do big things. But eventually she would learn and that made it all the more worth it.
And there was him too. You found his eyes in an instant, it seemed to be the first thing your body did. It was an old habit, one you could not break, nor really wanted to. He was beaming, an ear to ear smile, waving at you like you had just accomplished something so incredible and not just given a presentation. You made your way towards him, your bodies drawn together like magnets. However with each step you took, you felt like you were being pushed further and further away as people began to come up and shake your hand or ask you questions. Further and further until he faded away in the back of the crowd, now a lone hand stuck up above the crowd trying to get your attention. A thumbs up and you knew everything was gonna be okay.
----------
You were sitting at the bar, hot off the mic with Ilyukhina, who had forced you up against your will. The slight buzz in your head was enough to make you cave, you were sure that was the whole reason Ilyukhnia had insisted on getting you a few drinks at the start of the night. All of it leading to a horrific and yet kinda beautiful version of âSpace Oddityâ by David Bowie âŠit felt fitting.
She had bought you a final drink as a thank you, one you were nursing now, looking around the room. Grace had stayed late in the lab, normally you were there too, but the others in the lab had started to joke that you hated fun and you were determined to prove them wrong. You were fun! Very Fun.
You hadnât been down to the bar before, didnât quite understand how people could celebrate knowing what was approaching. You werenât even on the ship and you could barely get your brain to settle at night enough to fall asleep. The room was full of people, singing, laughing, leaning into each other and finding comfort. It made you smile, maybe made this whole thing feel more real. It made the pit in your stomach worse.Â
Your eyes caught on DuBois, a drunk Shapiro leaning against his arm, the two of them laughing together, in their own world. Your gaze lingered, unable to pull away. The way they could laugh togethering knowing that DuBois would be gone, not set to return. They had people here, people they were leaving and for the first time that really hit you. You tugged your gaze away, looking back down to the bottle of beer in your hands, half emptyâŠit would stay that way. You couldnât help it though, like it was a piece of art, you found yourself looking back at the two of them. She looked at him with a quiet kind of intimacy, like the two of them could know what the other was thinking without speaking a single word. They moved in a perfect rhythm, a messy, beautiful rhythm. They werenât just leaving behind Earth, they were leaving behind their peopleâŠa chance at a normal life.
You were gonna be sick. Quickly you set your beer on the table and left the bar pushing through the groups of people singing until you were finally out onto the deck of the ship, cold wind smacking you in the face. You gasped for air, but no matter how much you took in, it still didnât feel like enough.
The ocean was dark ahead, it was like an abyss and as you looked up, you were met with the bright stars, their shine almost too bright with no other lights around to dim them. You felt so small, and in the grand scheme of things you were, and it both terrified you and brought you some peace.Â
Your grip was tight on the railing, it almost hurt. You needed to be stable, grounded, anything-
âHey,â a familiar voice approached from behind, your body tensing before slowly relaxing. You didnât have to turn back, just slightly nodded your head, an invitation.Â
âHey,â he repeated himself, this time softer, as he came around to your side, gripping onto the railing next to yours. âEarth to alien girl?â
âI thought you were working late?â you spoke up, anything to take your mind off earlier, get rid of the image of people who would never see each other again.Â
âThe lab gets kinda lame without a certain scientist analyzing everything I do,â he joked, but you could not get yourself to laugh. âI love your analyzingâŠthatâs uh, thatâs what I meantâ.
It was almost a compliment, a small smile crept on your face that quickly faded out as another gust of wind hit you, the waves crashing below you. The two of you sat there in silence for longer than you ever had before.
âYou okay?â he broke from the silence, turning his head to look at you.
You nodded, âJust coldâ.
He nodded back, unconvinced you could tell, as he began to reach for his jacket regardless. You did not fight him on it, you were cold, maybe it would help. The chunky fox cardigan draped over your shoulders as he absentmindedly buttoned the top to keep it from falling off of you. You mumbled a quiet âthank youâ, bundling into the thick yarn.Â
âSo are you gonna tell me what is really wrong?â he spoke again, him still standing in front of you, adjusting the sweater so it covered you. You met his eyes, his head slightly tilting.
âHave you seen Dubois and Shapiro?â you finally allowed yourself to speak your thoughts into the air.Â
He nodded, returning to stand next to you, leaning once again against the metal rails, "Yeah, they are definitely hooking upâ.
âNo,â You shook your head, âThereâs something more, you can see it in the way they look at each otherâ.
The silence met the two of you again, the waves below you getting louder and louder, them in their own conversation. You wondered if the waves too had problems like this, if they thought about the world and what they were meant to be. You felt nauseous, you chose to blame sea sickness. It hurt even more because maybe you wished he would look at you like that. You supposed that was your last tether to Earth, last tether from making you lose your mindâŠit seemed to be him.
âI just cannot imagine knowing the person that you loved was gonna be gone in a few days, just out in space, floatingâŠand you just never see them again. And you canât even do anything about itâ your voice slightly quivered, it was all too much. The several drinks in your system did little to ease your worry, you actually think it made it worse. âAfter I lostâŠafter my parents, I mean, it took so long to be okay with not getting a goodbye. But they, I mean Shapiro gets to say goodbye. How do you even say that kind of goodbye knowing they are out there and will die, alone?â
You hadnât realized how blurred your vision had gotten until you looked up, finding Rylandâs gaze, his eyes scanning your face. He had been there, in college, when your parents had passed, had sat up with you for weeks on end keeping you distracted, helping you stay on top of work when your world felt like it was ending.Â
He carefully reached to wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side, a silent kind of comfort, the kind you liked. You rested your head against his chest, melting into his touch, allowing him to be strong for you for a little. It made your head hurt, all of this and himâŠthere was always him.
You werenât sure how long it was before he spoke up again, you had counted at least twenty crashes of the waves against the boat. It seemed to be the only thing you could think about without falling apart.
âWhere do you see yourself after all this?â he asked, pulling you the little bit tighter against him. You were not in the headspace to dig into that, nor the question he was asking. Because where did you go? You were doing the thing you had worked your whole life for and then what? Back to the restaurant? Back to serving punny dishes named after planets and pretending you were fulfilled?Â
âProbably go home,â you began, your voice thin, a little shaky. âCanât keep the Extraterrestrial Eatery without their best server for too longâ.
It was supposed to be funny but it came out dejected. A quiet laugh escaped him at your words.
âThatâs not-â
âThatâs exactly what it is,â you cut him off, sharper than you meant it to be, gaze set down at your shoes, at the hem of his sweater, at anything that wouldnât make you think so much. âThatâs my life, Rylandâ.
Before this your life had been small, so minisculeâŠyour dreams seemed so far away. Now you were here, it was all right in front of you. You didnât even think you would ever get this close to studying Tau Ceti, all the resources right there for you to use.Â
âThisâŠall of this is everything I ever worked for,â you continued. âBeing here, doing things that actually matter, and then itâs just gonna be overâ.
The lab, Tau CetiâŠhim. You had grown so used to it, too comfortable and the feeling of it being torn away felt weird. But that was life, you would adjust, or you would try.
âIt doesnât have to be over,â he offered, trying to comfort the ache in your words. And it hit you, with a force that could have sent you overboard. Your head snapped up, looking at him, you opened your mouth to say something but stopped yourself.Â
âI gotta go,â you spoke, in a daze of sorts, his words replaying over and over in your head.
âHey, no. Come onâ he too stood up, no longer leaning against the railing. âTalk to me, I am here! We could go sing karaoke or something, be stupid, forget about itâ.
âYou hate karaoke,â you countered, already edging towards the stairs back down into the boat.
âMaybe I could like it?â
âI am gonna go to bed,â you turned back to him, lying through your teeth. You searched his face once more, took a mental picture of him standing right there, breeze blowing through his hair, glasses slightly tilted. He looked perfect.
âIt does not have to be over,â you repeated, more to yourself than to him, before ducking down into the stairs and back down the hall. You were sure he called your name but your body could not turn around. It could have been the alcohol in your system. Maybe you were losing your mind. Maybe it was a little bit of both, but your feet carried you right to Dr. Strattâs office.
You didnât even knock, pushing open the door, her head snapping up from the silence. Her eyes slightly narrowed, you standing there in the doorway, trying to catch your brain up to your movements.Â
âTake me instead,â you blurted out, desperate.Â
The woman did not react right away, just studied you, like she was weighing something you couldnât see.Â
âI have nothing keeping me hereâ.
At least, almost nothing. Â
âI have worked my whole life for this,â you continued, words spilling out of you before you could even really think them through. âTau Ceti is my everything and now I am here. And I can do it, I want to do itâ.
You swallowed, a shaky breath, so loud in such a quiet room.
âI need toâ.
You stood there, feeling so small in the doorway, waiting for something, anything that would confirm that you werenât making a mistake. Doctor Stratt just nodded her head, short and direct, like she always was.
âGo get some sleep Doctor,â and you just nodded back, your brain going completely silent for the first time that night.
--------
When the explosion happened a few days later, it was all the justification Eva Stratt needed. The day had been a mess, the loss of those doctors devastating, the power of Astrophage even more extraordinary . There was no time to even process though, as just as quickly as it had happened, Dr. Stratt had pulled you into a conference room. The plans moved fast, there was no time to delay with launch day approaching. You agreed as quickly as it was proposed, Ilyukhnia sending you small thumbs up from across the table.
The explanation was a blur. The coma, the four year trip, the three hours until you would have to be ready. Three hours before your life changed forever. That was all it took for everything to become real. But you nodded along. You had a duty now, not only to yourself but to Dubois and Shapiro and all of humanity. For Ryland Grace and his students, for the young girls out there dreaming of studying the stars. It would all be worth it, for them. It had to be.
You made your way back towards the lab, moving in a sort of hazy trance. You were allowed a few personal items to bring with you on the ship, most of the ones you wanted to bring were stored on the shelves of your desk. A picture of you and Ryland at a weird alien museum your class had gone to. A photo of you with your parents on move-in day at college. Your favorite book. A journal of your personal notes. And that stupid alien shirt.
You smiled, piling the items into a box you kept in the lab, when the door came rattling open.Â
Ryland Grace came stumbling into the lab practically lit on fire, out of breath, a million emotions on his face. You knew it before he even spoke the words.
âWhat are you doing?â he asked in a panic, searching your face, his eyes shooting in every direction, him taking steps closer to you.
âI donât-â
âNo, you arenât doing this,â his stopped you. âWhat are you doing? They canât just take you?â
âI volunteered,â you countered back, simple, straight to the pointâŠit would make it easier. You turned back to the box, finishing placing the items, scared what looking back at him would do. He was quiet behind you and that hurt the most. Maybe it hurt because of the quiet, maybe it hurt because he didn't have more to say.
âThis is it for me,â you said, still facing the box, busying yourself with organizing and reorganizing the objects, anything to keep from facing the truth. âI have studied Tau Ceti my whole life and now I am going to see it, I am going to help save this planetâ.
âYou donât know that,â he bit back. âI mean we can hope but you have no idea if this is even gonna work-â
âBeats the alternative,â you countered.
âAnd what's the alternative?â
That made you turn, you finally facing him. He looked so tired, a mix of confusion, anger, sadness⊠somehow all at once.Â
âThis,â you admitted. âGoing home to that apartment, living through pictures of a better time while I work that shitty job. Thatâs not living, that is not how I am going to live!â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You didn't have the heart to tell him that you hadn't planned on saying goodbye to him at all. It was wrong, you knew that, selfish, but you couldnât get yourself to do it. He was your last tether to Earth and it was growing thinner and thinner.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air and he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word. You had no more fight left in you, no words left to say, nothing he could do that would change your mind. He was too stuck in his ways, too stubborn. You grabbed the box, looking at him once more, before you shoved your way past him and out the door of the office. It was quiet, too quiet down that hallway and when you looked back he was looking at you and you just gave him a smile, a small oneâŠI will learn to forgive you.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
----------
The first thing you realize is that you cannot open your eyes, like they are glued shut. You squeeze them a couple times, blinking over and over until they finally force themselves open.
So bright!
You should have just kept them close. You blink a few more times.
Then you realize that you canât move, and not because your arms are stiffâŠno, there is a giant, what you could best describe as, plastic bag wrapped around you.
âEye movement detected,â you practically jump out of your skin at the sound disrupting the silence. The voice is clean, almost inhuman, as it once again repeats its previous statement.Â
You try to move your arms, nothing. Your legs, nothing. Your fingersâŠjust a little bit. The feeling of helplessness crashes all over you at once as you come to the slow realization that this was not just a bad case of sleep paralysis.Â
Before you could even begin to make sense of it, a giant robotic hand swept across your vision, reaching down to unzip the human sandwich bag you were being trapped in. Now was your change, you shifted your weight as much as you could side to side until you rolled and made contact with the hard floor. A groan escaped you, the only sound you could really get out.
What the actual fuck?
There are tubes, connected in places you didnât even know were possible. But nothing was as alarming as the realization that you had no idea where you wereâŠno idea who you were. You looked around in a panic, trying to worm around off the ground, the robot hand stopping you in your place, lifting you off the ground and placing you back onto the table. You left out a mix of muffled objections, the most you could musterâŠyour vocal chords were somehow still waking up. The computer acted before you could even protest, removing all the tubes, sensations you had never felt before and hoped to never feel again. At least, you assumed you had never felt them before.Â
You saw it as your chance, the robot hand busy putting the tubing away, you jumping off the table and immediately crumbling to the ground.Â
âFuck!â the sound surprised youâŠyou were making progress. Using the little strength and feeling in your limbs that you had, you scooted and crawled across the floor. Where was the door? Your head snapped back and forth, up and- There it was, on the ceiling, of course it was. The ladder connected to it seemed daunting but what choice did you have.
The robot spoke again, speaking a name, or you assumed it was, âdetected, aliveâ.
It must have been your name, huh, you didnât completely hate it. You continued to move across the floor, slow, scared that the robot arm might just yank you right back into the air.Â
âMovement detected in the dormitory," the robotic voice spoke once again, causing you to speed up. It was trying to blow your cover, ruin your plan. Who knew, there might be a whole army of robots up there ready to get you. With each scoot across the floor, the feeling in your limbs began to find itself again. By the time you reached the ladder you were able to somewhat pull yourself up, each step getting harder and harder. You were tired, even if it seemed you had just woken up from some coma-like situation. You reached the top, banging the door over and over until it eventually popped up.
Reaching the top, standing on solid ground again was a feeling you had a new respect for. Then you turned your headâŠand you came to the jarring realization that you werenât on solid ground at all. A giant window looking out into the great plane of starsâŠyou were in space. You took slow, cautious steps towards the window, scared that you might somehow get sucked out.Â
It was beautiful, you were at a loss of words for a reason other than your inability to talk.Â
âHoly shoot,â a voice spoke from behind you, you stumbled slightly turning around, throwing your hand up in defense. âYou are awakeâ.
âAm I?â you asked, genuinelyâŠyou wouldnât have been shocked if you had died and were now in some weird waiting room.Â
The look on the man's face was one of relief and that was enough to slowly allow your hands to fall back to your side. He seemed slightly more put together than you were, except for the glasses titled slightly on his faceâŠthough he made no move to readjust them. Maybe he was an alien and that was how they wore their glasses? Were you an alien too?
âWhere am I? What is this? WhatâŠâ you trailed off, once again catching a glimpse of the stars. The feeling was hard to explain, like you were floating in your own head, nothing there but faint blurry glimpses of something that you knew came before this. But no matter how hard you fought, you could not get yourself to decipher the memories. âI canât remember whatâŠâ
He nodded as you spoke, and you knew he understood. You couldnât understand, but your body softened slightly, your heart beat became steady and your breathing returned to something much more normal.Â
âI, uh, I woke up a couple days agoâŠin that room,â he tried to explain, looking as if he too was piecing it together in real time. âWhere do I even startâŠâ
You stood there, helpless, waiting for something.
âWe are in space,â you rolled your eyes at his words, pointing out at the window next to the two of you. âOh right, well, just clarifyingâ.
âAnything else genius?â you didnât mean to come across as on edge but you were confused and hungry and annoyed that your brain could not do what it was meant to do.
âWe arenât in our own solar system,â he spoke again, finally with some seriousness to his tone, you perking up and meeting his gaze. âWe are, according to the map in the control room, in the Tau Ceti system about twelve lightyears away from Earthâ.
He trailed off on the last word, giving you a second to absorbâŠbut you were not a sponge and your brain was rejecting all of it. It made no sense, it was insaneâŠbut so was the giant robotic arm that picked you up earlier.Â
âWe were sent here for a reason,â he finished. âI just am not sure what exactly that is yetâ.
He then paused, a long pause, like he was choosing his next words carefully, âwe were sent in a group of fourâ.
âOh,â you looked up at him, a feeling of relief washing over you, maybe they knew more, maybe they had been awake for longer. âWell, letâs just go pick their brains?â
âThey didnât make it,â he added, the words sitting heavy in the air.
You just nodded, unsure of what to say, scared of how it would all feel once your memories began to trickle back like his were.Â
Would they have been your friends? Would the grief hit you later? The words sat weird in your stomach, even weirder knowing that there was a time where you knew everyone on this ship, there was a time where you knew why you were there. People who were your friends and now it was just you and strangers, chosen by some sort of fate to survive.Â
âWhat happened to them?â
âWhat am I? Your magic eight ball,â he joked, a weak attempt at trying to lighten the moodâŠyou hated that it made you smile the way it did. âDonât fight it, I know it was funny.â
âOh wait, the memories are coming backâŠâ you pretended to think, before letting a blank look spread on your face. âYouâre an assholeâ.
He threw his arms in mock defense and you werenât sure why but it all felt so natural.
âI found some vodka earlier,â he offered up, a shitty solution, a temporary one for sure, but a solution nonetheless.
âWe brought vodka?â you paused. âAt least we know we had funâ.
He laughed and you laughed too, anything to keep you from thinking about what this all was, what this meant and how exactly you get back to Earth from twelve light years away.
The man, who you learned was named Ryland Grace, took you around the rooms he had already spent time exploring. The labsâŠso you were scientists? Then the controls, and the space suits and the shelves of equipment that you could not even begin to understand. He eventually showed you a small closet, one containing boxes labeled with four names, pulling the one with yours on it down.Â
In yours were some picturesâŠone of the two of you, so you were friends? Maybe? You should go with friends for now. Then a picture of two older individuals stood next to you, in front of the sign of a collegeâŠthey must have been your parents. Did they know you were up in space? Did they send you up here? The thought made your head hurt so you stopped, tucking it away, it was for another day. There were too many questions floating as is. Then the shirt, a giant shirt that confused that shit out of you even more. You took it out of the box, holding it up to show him and the two of you just burst out laughing.Â
âSo I have bad taste in clothing?â you asked, trying to regain your breathing, him wiping away the tears from his eyes.Â
âYou should see some of the other clothes people brought,â and those words were just the start. Too much vodka flowing through your system, the two of you found comfort in trying on stupid hats and shirts packed throughout the ship. At some point you found yourself collapsed on the floor with him, laying there, the bag of alcohol laying between the two of you.
You talked for hours that nightâŠwell you assumed it was night, trying to hypothesize about who the two of you might have been. Were you smart? Where had the two of you met? Were you friends? Somewhere in your mind you felt like there was something else there. But you did not want to dig there, when you tried your head would just pound right back. So you laid there, accepting the silence of space, accepting that none of it made sense.
âI am glad I am not alone,â he spoke up from the silence, so quiet you might have missed it.
âI am not sure why, but I feel like we were meant to do this together,â you replied, turning your head to the side to look at him.
He was already looking at you with a soft smile on his face. Tomorrow you would wake up and it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were wearing an alien shirt and laying beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home.
part two of 'my place is among the stars (with you)'
ryland grace x reader
In which your world has not been the same since you woke up on that ship with ryland grace. and it would never be the same again.
or
you wake up in space with a stranger and slowly piece together why he doesn't really feel like a stranger at all.
word count: 14.6k (it just kept getting longer!)
content warning: again some (a lot of) inaccurate science, some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, mention of parental death, miscommunication trope, idk they kinda makeout a little I suppose (bring back the art of a makeout for real), rocky being a menace and so much angst I am sorry!! (but also mega fluff so push through)
a/n: I am so overwhelmed by peoples support and love for the first part! I posted because I loved these characters and you guys have made me fall back in love with writing and sharing work. I appreciate all your patience, I had to pick up some crazy work hours this past week. but I hope you enjoy and I cannot wait to keep writing for you all! (I lowk hate the ending but yolo)
I love these two so much and would love to keep writing for them. lmk if you would like a part three or any other small blurbs about Ryland and Alien Girl!
There was a heaviness in the air, an almost uncertainty. The woman infront of you is so focused.
âDr. Grace is my last hope,â she spoke up, honest, blunt. âAnd you are hisâ.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
The memory shoots you up from where you slept, leaving you gasping for air, hands clenched tight in your sheets. Ryland and you had been taking shifts, one sleeping, one monitoring the flight path set for Tau Ceti. However you had been going in and out of consciousness for hours. The memories just kept coming, so fragmented that they did little to help you understandÂ
Funny enough, the easiest part of all this to swallow had become that fact that you were in space. Because it was obvious, clear, right in front of you. Every other question felt endless, every answer felt hollow. Some memories were helpful, and others had sent you spiraling, unable to sleep for a few days.
It had been a few days ago when you woke up from sleep to a memory of your parents, the knock on your door from the RA of your dormâŠthat they were gone. The grief felt so heavy, yet so misplaced, for people that were vague shadows in your mind. That hurt you the most, that you could not recall these peopleâŠpeople you knew deep down were so good. Ryland had sat with you that night, silence between the two of you, no words good enough to mend what had happened.
Then came the flashes to a time before the ship. Bits and pieces of labs full of equipment that you somehow knew the names of, a flash to a jet sweeping through the air, a paper bag being your best friend in that moment. The two of you had come to each other in a sort of unison one night, both yelling the word Astrophage and beginning to dig through the memories together. It was that night that you came to the realization that Ryland Grace was a genius and the two of you would not be returning home. Staring at the equation he had completed on the whiteboard, the two of you sat in a silence so loud it made you want to cover your ears. It was exactly enough Astrophage to get to Tau CetiâŠand none left to return. It was a suicide mission, the two of you had signed up to die. There had been a mutual understanding that night that if the two of you were gonna die you would die trying to solve the Astrophage problem, you owed it to the world, to yourselves. Though deep down your brain was far from ready to process that you would never be back to the normalcy of your home planet.
You glanced across the room, looking around for anything to ground you back to the present. The whiteboard caught your gaze, one the two of you had started to keep track of questions, checking them off when a memory came back to fill in the blanks.Â
Who are we? How did we meet? Friends? Enemies?
You had added the last part, you thought it was funny. But none of it felt so funny anymoreâŠhis last hope, the words pounded loud in your mind. Like two metal pans banging together over and over with no sign of stopping. There was something there, in that memory, a feeling of deep care, of admiration. He was someone you had left your life to help, he had asked for you to join his research. SoâŠyou must have been a scientist too? There were too many questions floating. At least you knew where you were going and what you needed to doâŠbut who were you? And why were you even here?
You pulled yourself out of bed, seeing no purpose in forcing yourself to try to sleep. Your sleep schedule significantly shifts when it looks dark outside at all hours. Wrapping yourself in a jacket you had found packed in one of the several boxes, you made your way to the ships controls, Ryland sat in his chair scribbling in a notebook.
âI think I was a scientist too,â you spoke from the quiet, that piqued his interest as he looked, a smile growing on his face.Â
âWere you as smart as me?â he asked, looking back to his notes, his usual tone.
âAm,â you corrected. âAm I as smart as youâŠand the answer is probably smarter. I am smarter than youâ.
You shrugged, as a burst of quick laughter came from him, his focus still on the notes. You moved around the room, taking in all the buttons, too many buttons. It had become normal, all these small memories popping in. It was like adding baseball cards to a collection, sometimes they were insane and other times they were mundane little additions that made the collection a little more unique. They were fun and sometimes not so funâŠbut details none the less, and you would take any your brain could muster to give back.
âWhat do you think is so special about this system?â Ryland spoke up, more to himself as he erased something in his notes. âThe Tau Ceti system was the only star not infected-â
âWell it could be a lot of things, you know?â you spoke, as if on autopilot, words escaping you before you could even fully process them. âI mean, it could be a difference in spectral output that the Astrophage doesnât want to feed on. Or, you know, evoluntionary pressure?â
He just stared at you, you just stared back.
He spoke slowly, eyes wide, âevoluntionary pressure?â
âYeah, the idea that another life form could be eating away at the Astrophage and keeping it balanced,â you answered, equally as confusedâŠthe tiniest bit excited, maybe more than tiny. âLike a predator, but that is pretty far fetchedâ.
He shook his head in disbelief, a smile on his face, murmuring unbelievable under his breath.Â
âSmarter,â you reminded, a shrug of your shoulders. You had felt so useless thus far, not that you hadnât been able to help but you werenât sure where you fit. Thatâs why it was all so exciting when you remembered that you studied Tau Ceti and you were gonna see it. You were sure the earlier version of yourself, the one who remembered it all would be freaking out at the fact. You wanted to find her, she was in there somewhere.Â
The silence returned again, it was however much louder in your own head.
âYou doing okay?â he spoke up, still focused, you still roaming the room, the two of you in perfect orbit. Thatâs what happens when you have no one else but each other, you are sure your brains may eventually murge into one. His jokes had become funnier, even if you knew they werenât and he had become a friend, more than someone you were forced to coexist with.
âYeah,â you spoke quickly, unsure what would happen if you let yourself dig deeper into the feeling.
He hummedâŠhe didnât believe you, you knew that. âCome on, letâs goâ.
He spoke it so casually, getting up from the chair and setting the notebook down.
âHey, so I am not sure if you realized, but we really donât have anywhere to go to,â your voice slightly trailing off, watching as he began to walk out into the hall. âRyland?â
âYou know you have gotten a lot more sarcastic lately and it's really taking a toll on this relationship,â he yelled from down the hall and you could do nothing but roll your eyes and trail behind him.Â
When you finally caught up to him, he was already shifting through settings in what you had begun to call âthat big room of screensâ and he corrected that it really was a âprojection deckâ...same fucking thing.
âWhatâs your favorite place in the world?âhe asked, turning his head to meet your gaze.
And you paused, really paused. You were sure that before all of this you would have been able to answer in a second but now you were drawing a complete blank.
âIâŠI donât know,â you spoke up, quieter, honest, and it was a scary thought, to not know the smalles thing about who you were, what you liked.
âJust think of something, make something up,â he pushed.
âFine,â you called up to him, before moving to join him up on the small platform. âUhâŠmaybe, the mountains?â
With a click on the small computer, the screens morphed into beautiful scenery of lush green mountains, the sound of the breeze flowing through the leaves filling the room. You took a seat, letting your legs slightly hang over the platform. He joined you. He pointed to a digital bird that flew across the screen, miming fake binoculars on his face with his hands, you just nudged him with your shoulder.
âWhere would you have picked?â
âProbably somewhere with fog,â he spoke up, looking at you. âI am pretty sure I am from San FrancsiosâŠthey got a lot of thatâ.
It felt like meeting someone for the first time, asking all those familiar questions. The two of you found yourself doing that on nights that were too quiet, asking things like favorite color or movie, making up the answers when you couldnât remember. Placeholders until the memory came back.
You nodded along, letting the two of you fall into a familiar comfortable silence. One you had to get used to with two strangers who had nothing to talk about because they were strangers to themselves. It made your stomach ache in that now all too familiar way.
Then he stood up, practically jumped from where he was sitting and reached his hand out to you, gesturing with his head.Â
âWhat?â you asked, genuine confusion on your face.
âUp,â he just said. âDance with me, come onâ.
You just began to shake your head, waving your hands at him.Â
âNo,â was all you said, turning to face forward, though a smile tried to force itself on your face.
He turned to the computer, you trying your best to remain uninterested but then he turned on a song and you felt like you had just gone down the hill of a rollercoaster.
âStop,â he yelled at you, which made you shhh him with a significant amount of aggression. The whole library had turned to look at him, throwing needles at him with their eyes.
âWhat?â he whispered back.
âWe are in the library,â you whispered back, just as aggressive.
âAnd you are freaking out about an alien presentation,â he deadpanned. You opened your mouth. Closed it. Then opened it again. âSee, even you know it's dumb.â
âItâs not dumb!â
âMaking a fake planet with a made up alien species where we decided they all dance to sort through political conflictâŠâhe drawled out the last word, a quirk of his brow, that dumb look he always did. You wanted to smack him.
âOkay, well,â when he put it that way.
âYes?â
You just rolled your eyes and turned back to the papers, sorting through all the details you had spent way too long on. You never did anything halfway, it was something you had followed your whole life.
âCome on,â he spoke up, standing and throwing his things in his bag in a way that made you cringe. "Letâs goâ.
âWhere?â your head shot up. âWe have an assignmet to doâ.
âNot in this state we donâtâ.
You just looked at him, a staring contest, him raising his brow up and down causing you to bury your head into the table. He then leaned down right next to your ear.
âUh, earth to alien girl,â he spoke, covering his mouth to sound like a plane speakerâŠor radioâŠyou werenât quite sure but it made you laugh. You quickly stopped yourself. âI heard the laugh. The jig is up, we are goingâ.
He did not wait any longer, heading out of the door, eyes following him as he left. You quickly stood up, without much hesitation, laying your stuff in your bag and running out after him. There he stood, outside, at the bottom of the steps to the library, phone turned up to the highest volume, playing your song. âThe Two of Usâ from the Beatles blasted, a song the two of you had come to associate with the other. He was moving in sporadic ways, akin to the way a dad does to embarrass their own kid.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you called down to him.
âSeeing if our alien system we set up works,â he called back, never breaking his messy groove. âCome on!â
It was hard to say no to him, his exictmnet so infectious, his care to make you smile being one of your favorute things about him. It had gotten you through a lot of long nights. So you dance, him spinning you around, you trying to dip him. Even when people walked by staring, it was just the two of you who existed in that moment. It was perfect, you never wanted to forget it. The joy of dancing with a person, your person. Maybe your alien planet was on to something.
You came back just as quickly, looking at him, really looking at him. It was like you had jumped into a memory, only now you were both older, more tiredâŠand potentially actually meeting aliens. You felt somewhat far away, in a daze, as he just waved his hand in front of you, waiting for you to take it.
âFor all I know, we could have actually hated each other,â he urged. âLet me keep the peace for a little bitâ.
âI donât think there is any world where I could hate you,â you replied, and you knew somewhere it was true, as you reached for his hand and he pulled you up.Â
The dancing was a mess for a while, the two of you laughing through the stupid moves. He did the one person wave at a certain point, one you eventually joined in on. Then you stumbled into his arms, him steadying you, holding you. And you just leaned into it, the feeling of safety, of knowing someone was holding you up when you felt so uneasy. His head gently rested on top of yours.Â
The two of you just swayed, the sound of the music mere background noise to the way your heartbeats became so loud. Thump. Thump. BEEEEEEEP
You jumped apart.
âApproaching Tau Ceti".
The two of you froze, two deers in the headlights. You hadnât considered what would happen when you actually reached Tau Ceti. For a while you were still sure this was some sort of bizarre dream.
Then, as if in sync, the two of you went into panic mode sprinting back down the hall to the control room.
â--
It was under controlâŠreally it was. You just were now floating in zero gravity and an alien ship was approaching.
Holy Fu- , wait you werenât cussing anymore, or thatâs what Ryland saidâŠHoly Fudge!
You stood there in awe, Ryland looked like he was turning a shade of pale that you had never seen before. The ship approached, getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it parked right beside the two of you. It was strange, practically glistening, made of shapes you never would consider for a ship. But all you cared about was that aliens were real and you had been right.
âI was right,â you whispered out, the revelation of it all taking you back.Â
âWhat?â he practically yelled, looking at you for some sort of answer.
You just turned to smile at him, two words, âalien girlâ.
The ship or Blip-A as the robotic voice continued to call it made itself known, so big it could swallow your ship up. There were a few moments where Ryland had tried to steer away, you gripped on to the back of the chair as he moved the ship back and forth. Then Blip-A would do the same thing. You went forward, their ship moved forward. You went back and they shifted back. It was like a game of Simone Says.
âWhat do you think it wants?â Ryland whispered, as if the other ship could hear, you turned your head and gave him a look. âWhat?â
âBlip-B approaching,â the robotic voice began, the two of you turning your heads in sync back to the screen. A small object was tumbling towards the two of you at an impressive rateâŠyeah okay maybe this was something to be worried about? But you couldnât help the curiosity that stirred in you, the want to understand those on the other ship, to learn their world, what made them happy. Well, if there was even anyone actually on that ship. Ryland went into a full panic mode you had gotten used to, you still gripping onto the pilot chair to stop yourself from floating too far away. You braced for impact, one that never game as the mental canister hit the side of your ship with a small DOINK.Â
âNot a bomb,â you corrected, Ryland could not tear his face away from the screen. âMaybe they are friendly aliens?â
âThere is no such thing as a friendly alien,â he bit back.
âWell, in our Alien class in college-â
He just glared at you once again, you smacked him on the head lightly with your hand, âMaybe they need helpâ.
âAnd maybe they want to inject us with eggs,â he looked at you like he had just said something profound.
âAnd you are a scientist?â you countered, a slight tilt of your head, still holding onto his chair.
The two of you watched for a while, just waiting for what was next. Maybe you were supposed to send something back. The two of you didnât have to wait long before the next âBlipâ was thrown, however this time much slower. They wanted the two of you to grab it, each move from them intentional.
âThey think we are dumb,â Rylan practically deadpanned.Â
âWell, we better prove them wrong,â you began, gaze intently on the small object tumbling through the air towards the two of you. You tuned your head slightly upwards, making sure your voice could be heard by your robot companion. âHow would we get to something like this?â
âNope, nope nope nope,â Rylands voice began to come back, shaking his hands at yoy.
âWould you like to take a space walk Dr. (Last Name)?â the voice spoke.
We were gonna die out here anyways, might as well do it all.Â
âYesâ you spoke up and Ryland said the opposite at the same time. You didnât even give him another look as you manuvered yourself down the hall, pushing against the wall to move, feeling so weightless. It was an odd feeling, one you had never experienced before and part of you was fine with maybe never expeirnecing it again. You were quick to find the set of spacesuits lining the walls, searching for one with your name on it. Now it became very clear how difficult it would be to get on but with the help of the computer voice you were able to find the manuel and squeeze your way inside.Â
In the middle of wiggling into the pants, Ryland came flying around the corner.Â
âWhat are you doing?â he asked, his voice in full panic. However, he too began to read the manuel, taking steps to pull the suit on.Â
âWe are taking a huge step in human history,â you replied, like it was the obvious choice. âFirst contactâ.
The two of you moved in a sort of connectedness, him putting on his suit because you said you would. It was how you worked, two people, trying to survive this all. And to do that, sometimes you had to do something insane and hope it worked. You stood in the tunnel now tethered to the inside of the ship, deprezerization happening around you as the door opened. You couldnât have been prepared, how could you? The image of the infinity of space before you made your heart ache and deep down you knew this was big for you. You moved forward until you were just at the edge, nothing but stars. You were about to take the step when Ryland Grace came flying into you, shooting the both of you out of the ship.Â
His grip on yours was tight, the two of you wrapped together as you drifted out into the stars. You looked at him, really looked at him, his glasses slightly tilted inside his helmet. You wished you could reach out and adjust them for him.Â
âSoâŠsaving the sun?â
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
âI missed you,â he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
âI missed you too,â you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him.
You would unpack all of that later, the hug feeling even more familiar now, even more personal. You gently released your hands wrapped around him and nodded with your head back in the direction of the small object tumbling closer and closer.
He nodded, the two do your drifting back towards the ship until you could grip onto the rialing outside of it. In a sort of quiet understanding, Ryland tied your tethers around the railings so you could move up and down the hull of the ship without drifting too far.
âWho do you think's gonna get it first?â he spoke through the radio system within the suits. A challenge, you didnât have to even look to know he was looking at you with that stupid grin.
âWell I know itâs not gonna be you,â you bit back, eyes set on the object tumbling closer and closer.Â
Then he jumped and you did too, the two of you reaching for it, your hands getting closer and closer to the object until you were holding it tightly. You went to celebrate when Ryland Grace did it again, flying into you, this time on purpose, sending the two of you flying. You shut your eyes, grip on it so tight.
âI just sacked the quarterback,â he joked, grip still tight around you, the small cylinder pressed between the two of you, keeping you apart. Then you just laughed, laughed so hard you could barely breathe. Because you were in space, with a stranger you once knew, trying to catch an item from an alien ship and Ryland Grace had tackled you like it was football. And he laughed too, and for a moment, so small you could almost miss it, everything felt right. For a moment, a very small moment, you felt like you remembered him fully.
And when you looked at him, you knew he was someone important to you.
------
You sat at your desk, head propped up on your hand as you absentmindedly clicked your pen over and over. Enough that the sound began to fade into the background, anything to break the silence.
Procgess had been made in the past couple of days. Especially with the discovery of the centrifuge system. And then there was, of course, that other discovery. As in your new neighbor. As in, the alien.Â
You had yet to meet the guy but the new presence felt rather large. An alien ship had tethered themselves to your ship and you were sitting and clicking a pen for entertainment. You paused the clicking, glancing up at the camera psoitioned on your desk. Ryland thought it would be good to film logsâŠguess there was a first time for everything. Even if an alien encounter was not one of those things yet.Â
You reached up to hit a switch on the camera at the desk, watching as the red recording light began to blink on.Â
âHi, uh, I am sure RylandâŠor well, Dr. Grace has shared with you that we have made contact with an alien,â you began, leaning back in your seat. âI havenât yetâ.
A quiet laugh slipped out, the words sounded insane speaking them out loud.
âHe said he had to make the sacrifice just in case,â you explained. âBecause I know more about Tau Ceti than him so he would be less of a lossâ.
You shook your head at the idea, a smile tugging at your lips no matter how hard you tried to keep it off.
âWhich is-â you trailed off trying to find the word. â...kinda endearing if you really think about itâŠin a sort of messed up and terrifying kinda way?â
Your gaze dropped back to your hands for a moment before reaching for the pen. Click. Click. Click.
âBut I wouldnât really call him dying instead of me a success,â you were quiter now, gaze still set on the pen. âIâd rather not be aloneâ.
The words hung in the air, heavy. You had developed a mindset quickly on this ship, well after a lot of denial. You were dying. It was as simple as that, because there really was no other choice. And you would live like that, like there was no tomorrow. There was no time for hiding or being scared, it was a time for risks. It was a hard pill to swallow, sometimes that pill would get stuck in yor throat still no matter how hard you tried to wash it down with water.
You cleared your throat, setting the pen down. Your eyes drifted to the small figurine you had placed on your desk. The first time he had made contact he had returned with a small sculpture, a figurine that looked like two human shapes entangled in a hug, a tether tying them together. You were quick to realize it was the two of you when you had first entered space.Â
You smiled.
âNot like you guys arent great company,â you continued, gaze fixing back on the camera. âBut heâs kinda growing on meâŠjust donât tell him that, it will get to his head pretty quicklyâ.
The sound of footsteps caught your attention, your head turning, seeing Ryland now leaned against the entrance to the room. He acknowledged the camera with a nod, giving it an awkward wave, well more like a flick of his hand, before turning back to you.
âLetâs go,â he said, gesturing down the hall with his head before continuing in the direction.
No explanation. What was new? You turned back to the camera.
âHe does this a lot,â you admitted. âJust absolutely zero contextâ.
You looked back to see if he was there still.Â
âHe is not a perfect teammateâ.
âNot true,â his voice called through the ship.
You gave the camera a look, whispering a quiet, âthis guyâ.
âAnd grab your alien shirt!â he called out again and you quickly sat up in realization.
Oh. Oh Oh OH!
You snapped your head back to the camera, so fast that it made you dizzy for a second. Eyes wide, grin so big it was actively stretching your face. Reaching up, you clicked the switch for the camera, giving one last wave and then you lept into immediate action.
You found Ryland halfway in his suit, slightly struggling with one of the clasps, even so he refused to ask for any help, just giving a small thumbs up in your direction.
You were quick to grab your suit, attempting to catch up. But your hand shook with energy and you werenât sure where to place it or how to use it. Your skin felt like it was on fireâŠin the best possible way.
This was it.
This was really it.
You wrestled with the zipper for a second before pulling it up. As you stood back up, you came face to face with the man, him standing there holding your helmet, placing it on your head. With a click it secured and he tapped on it like it was a fish tank. You fliched slightly, shoving him back.
âAm I really a bad teammate?â he asked and as you looked at him you realized he wasnât fully joking.Â
You paused for a second, scanning his face,
âYeah,â you answered, flatly.
You just as quickly smiled and tapped back on the glass of his helmet, his eyes meeting yours.
âNot at all. I got pretty luckyâ.
The tension in his body slightly eased at that, a smile growing onto his face.
âI should have let you come the first time,â he admitted, beginning to walk down the hall. âYou are the alien expert. I am just some guy who was wrong about waterâ.
âEveryones wrong sometimes,â you replied, trailing behind him. âYou know, you kinda have to be every once in a whileâ.
At that, he glanced back at you.
âCanât find the right answer if there hasnât been a couple wrong ones,â you continued with a shrug of your shoulders.
The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, a growing understanding between the two of you. It was funny, you felt like you had known him your whole life. Maybe you had? Or maybe you just had been together for far too long on this ship with no one else but this guy and a camera. Either way, it could have been worse. You were happy with whoever decided they should send you up with the middle school science teacher.Â
When the door opened you were immediately blown back into the wall, you landing with a loud thud. A quiet groan escaped you. He had left that part out when he told you about his first encounter.
âHey, hey,â Ryland began, scooting over to you, hand gently placed on your shoulder. âYou okay? That has never happened beforeâ.
You just nodded, at a loss for words for the tunnel system in front of you. It was a hard thing to fully comprehend, that there was another life form existing in parallel to your own. One that could build tunnels that connect to your ship.
âGravity?â you just spoke up, standing to take a few steps into the tunnel, boots still connected to the ground.Â
âThis, uhâŠyeah this is new,â he replied, standing up from where he had fallen and walking to meet you. âJust be prepared, this guy is pretty jumpyâ.
You nodded, one again embracing the silence, taking in everything with each step. You knew Ryland was behind you, you knew he would be ready to help if anything were to happen. But you could not get yourself to be fearful, ever since Ryland brought back the small figurine, you knew this was not a harmful connection.Â
The end of the tunnel was made of different glass pieces, or something resembling glass, all creating different angles. You reached up, gently pressing your gloved hand to it, looking into the darkness behind it.
âI just, kinda tapped last time,â he offered, you smiled.
âVery scientific approach Dr. Grace,â you joked, glancing back at him.
A piece of you ached inside to feel how this would have felt having you remembered everything. But your body has not forgotten. Your body grew with energy, your heart thudding in your chest, your fingers practailly tingling, a smile so wide it could not be suppressed. You reached out and gently tapped on the wall and that's when you saw it, a small figure dash across your view.
You tapped on more time, soft, inviting, other hand still pressed to the glass. Then it appeared, a spider-like rock formation, slowly moving its way towards you. It stopped, moving its body in a way that reminded you of how a dog would tilt its head in interest and confusion. Then it reached out, a small hand placed against your palm, the glass being the only thing stopping full contact.
âDr. Grace showed me the figure you had made of us,â you spoke, quiet, not wanting to scare your alien neighbor. âThank you, it was beautifulâ.
The creature in response made a symphony of noises, as if you played all the chords of a piano at once. A quiet laugh of astonishment left your your head turning to glance at Ryland whose gaze was on you. A gentle smile and a thumbs up, his signature move.
There was a burn in your eyes, it was all so overwhelming. All you could do was laugh, unsure what to do with all the pent up emotion.Â
The alien made another sound before tapping on the glass. You tapped again, the two of you going back and forth until it let out an almost grunt. You paused, stopping. He tapped again in a direction behind you and you followed it.Â
âOh,â you breathed out, seeing another capsule. âIs that for us?â
The symphony of noise returned, the creature jumping around, moving erratically.
Ryland walked over to grab it before you could, coming to meet you by the glass, gently twisting it open. Inside was another modelâŠfigureâŠart piece? It was close in resemblance to a letter eight, small blue dots lining the exterior of the rings.Â
âWow,â Ryland, spoke up as you continued to admire it. âYeah, wow, I donât have anything like thisâ.
The way he sounded genuine made you break your focus to smile. It was sweet.
âWhat is it?â he asked, more quietly, turning back to you.Â
You could only shrug, trying to examine every angle of it. Everything so far had a meaning, but maybe this was the exception?
You looked back up at the alien, waving the art piece in his direction, âit is beautiful, thank youâ.
Ryland reached for it and you handed it over as he tried to place it on his head, âIs it a hat?â
The alien just grumbled in response, beginning to erratically tap again. You watched, trying to understand.
âMaybe a bow tie?â you asked, grabbing it from him and setting it against where the collar of his shirt would be.
The alien just continued to explode with sound and then you turned to watch him, really watch him. His two limbs reached up to tap his headâŠor you assumed it was head. He then gestured as if removing it, you slightly tilted your head.
âYou want us to take off our heads?â Ryland spoke up, confusion lacing his tone. âBuddy, I am not sure how it works for you but this is kinda all connectedâ.
You slightly glared at him, he just shrugged. Thank you captain obvious.Â
The alien once again repeated the actionâŠhead? No, OH, helmet, he was meaning helmet.
âOur helmets?â you asked and the alien bursted with even more sound. You glanced back down at the figure in your hand, the pieces starting to connect. He had made the tunnel adaptable for the two of you, there was gravity and now, there was oxygen.Â
You looked back up at Ryland, showing him the piece again, âitâs oxygenâŠits the symbol for oxygenâ.
âWhat?â he looked at you in confusion, taking the piece and turning it around. Then he held it up to the creature. âYou are clever buddyâ.
The alien just continued its explosion of emotion, once again repeating the gesture. You followed along, reaching up to unclasp the helmet when you flet a hand rest on yours.Â
âMaybe this isnât the smartest idea,â he said, quieter this time, sending a quick glance towards your neighbor before snapping back to you. âI mean, this is a life or death kinda choice hereâŠâ
âAnd we arenât already in a life or death situation anyways?â you bit back, he opened his mouth and then closed it. âI trust himâ.
âYou just met himâ.
âAnd he made us a sculpture, created gravity and gave me a high-five,â you pushed back. âMost guys I have met donât even open my car door for meâ.
âYou know, you just said something pretty profound back inside,â he countered, hand tighter on yours now to stop the movement. âYou said people can be wrong sometimesâ.
âWell I am notâ.
âWellâŠwe donât really know if this is just some weird hat he madeâ.
You just stared at him, he stared back, then slowly his grip released and he nodded.
âI wonât change your mind,â he took a few steps back, a look of uncertainty on his face, shown futher in the posture of his body. Alert. Stiff.
You gave him a nod of ressaunace and a thumbs up, his classic, before turning back to the alien. Gently reaching back up, you unclasped the helmet and began to pull it off. Your heart beat in your chest louder and louder and louder, your ribcage felt as if it was shaking.Â
Then you gasped, taking in the air and for a second panic filled you. You opened your eyes, gaze snapping to himâŠyou were breathing. You laughed in pure astonishment, the alien creature celebrating with you, and Rylan looked like he had just aged fifty years watching it happen.
It was late, the moons shining through the windows of the library, your desk in the corner lit by a small lamp. The usual, Ryland and you, there way too late. You flipped through your textbook, he stared at you in disbelief.
âYou totally think aliens are real, donât you?â Ryland spoke up from across the table you were studying at, finishing up notes for the class you shared.
âWell,â you stumbled for the right words. It wasnât that unbelievable. âI mean, it would be kinda coolâ.
âNo, no, donât shrug it off like that,â he pushed. âYou lied, you did not take this class cause you had toâ.
âOkay, fine!â you practically yelled, earning a few annoyed glares from others still studying. âI justâŠI mean is it that crazy of an idea? The universe is quite literally endless, there has to be somethingâ.
He just smiled at you, that dumb smile, one you would normally throw a pencil at his face for. But you just smiled back because he didnât laugh, didnât make his usual dumb joke, he just nodded.
âOkay alien girl,â he began. âI will be waiting for your name to pop up on the news when you are the first to make contact with oneâ.
And you nodded back, cause he would.
And you had just done it, you made contact with an alienâŠholy shit. Where was your shirt again?
------
How do you prepare for an alien to move in? The answer, after much scientific researchâŠyou really canât. The presence of Rocky, what Ryland had named him, was not a small one. You couldnât ignore him, he was a permanent part of your lives, your new partner. And yes, he had opinions on everything. After the two of you had found his voice, most nights were spent with Ryland asleep in the tunnel while Rocky and you talked all night. You asked him any questions you could think of, him happy to answer in exchange for a few of his own for you. Sometimes the two of you would get too loud and Ryland would throw a pillow at you, which you would of course throw back. Grace okay? Rocky would ask and you would reply Yes, Grace is just cranky when he doesnât sleep. The rock laughed at that, you did tooâŠand even Rylan did from his sleeping state on the ground.
Most days were spent answering Rockys questions as the three of you worked through solving the Astrophage problem, the connector between the three of you. You all had a misson, one you would complete. There was now more than one world that depended on it.
âWhat do you miss most about home, Rock?â Ryland asked one night, the three of you in the projection room. Ryland sat against the hamster ball Rocky had made hismelf while you laid down on your back, staring up at the screens, listening and chiming in when you could.
You could think of a few things you missed, memories drifting in with each day.
Rocky sat with it for a while before speaking up, âMy mateâ.
As if in sync, Ryland and you both turned your heads to him, you finally completely tuning into the situation. The two of you shared a look.
âYou have a mate?â Ryland asked, then stopped. âNot thatâŠthatâs like shocking itâs just-â
âHe means how long have you been together?â you stepped in, Ryland relaxing back against the aliens enclosure.Â
âHmm,â Rocky perked up as he talked, though you sensed the sadness that still followed him. â186.3 yearsâ.
âThatâs incredible buddy,â Ryland replied, gently patting the ball.
âNot long enough,â the alien replied, settling back down, a few quiet symphonic sounds leaving him.
You understood, understood more than you wished you had. It never was. It never would be. You scooted over to the other side of the ball, leaning against it, gently patting it as Ryland had earlier.
âWe are gonna solve this and get you back buddy,â you spoke up, facing towards the screen, taking in the world you had left behind forever. A pit settled in your stomach, at least he would be able to return home, that was enough to keep you going. âYour mate will be so proud of youâ.
Rocky shared his mates name, a beautiful symphony of sound that only the person you loved could ever be represented by. A silence settled over the three of you, the sound of waves crashing coming from the speakers. They were loud, they felt familiar, maybe you used to enjoy the waves.Â
âHow long have Grace and (Last Name) been mate?â the alien spoke from the silence. And you and Ryland both snapped back to life instantly. You met his eyes for a second before turning away, trying to form words.Â
âWe arenât-â Ryland began.
âWe arenât mates,â you fisnihed for him, him sending you a grateful look. Rocky, always so blunt.
âThen why bicker like mates?â Rocky pushed further. âWhy Grace look at you like that when you do not see, question?â
You kept your eyes planted to your hands, scared what would happen if you let them wander. Did he really look at you? Maybe thatâs what you had been, long before this, maybe there had been a time where it was something more. You felt it, it lingered in the air, in the memories that would stir. It lingered in the present too, in late nights and honest conversations, in the way he looked at you when you took off your helmet, in the nights he would drape a blanket over you when you fell asleep at your desk.
You were about to answer, try your best to muster words, when Grace beat you to it.
âI am tired,â Ryland said, standing up, not giving a second glance to either of you. âI, uh, I am gonna head to bedâ.
You noticed that with him recently, when questions got hard. It had happened a few days ago when Rocky had asked about going home.
You watched as he jumped down from the platform, heading into the hall, him dragging a hand down his face. You sat there for a while, in silence, unsure how to feel. What did you expect? There had not been any reason to assume anything, and he justâŠhe wanted to leave an awkward conversation. But was it really that hard of a question?
âGrace okay?â Rocky spoke up, tapping on the part of the xenonite ball closest to your head.
âYeah, â you replied, not because it was honest but because it was easy.
âDr. (Last Name) okay too?â and you could only laugh at that, cause you hadnât truly been okay in a while, not since before you woke up on this ship.Â
âYeah, buddy, I am okay,â you turned around to face him instead, tapping your fist against the ball, in which he mirrored.Â
You glnaced back at the exit to the room and you werenât sure why this time was different, what the pull was, but you got up.
âI am gonna get ahead on some of my work tomorrow,â you spoke more abruptly. âI will see you in the morning, Rockâ.
âFriend need help, question?â he spoke up and the words, those three words felt like a punch to the gut. You just shook your head at him and you were sure he sensed the feeling as he rolled back to lay in his ball.
You made your way through the hall quickly, turning each corner sharp until you made it to the dormitory again. There Ryland sat, edge of his bed, head in his hands. You had never seen him look so small and you were almost scared to approach him, like he might shatter.
You stepped slowly into the room, pausing right next to him, he made no move to akcnolwged you. Placing your hand on his back, you gently moved it up and down, him leaning into the touch, giving his weight over to you. You let him be selfish, let him give you something to carry because he always was the one doing it for you.Â
It was a while before he spoke, his words loud in the silence of the room. It was the quietest it had been since Rocky moved in.Â
âIâm sorry about what happened in there,â he spoke, so quiet, words thin and shaky. He took in a breath, barely getting a full breath in. âItâs justâŠeverything is a lot right nowâ.
You just shook your head, hand still trailing up and down his back, âwe donât have to talk right nowâ.
âNo,â he stopped you, meeting your eyes, his so heavy. âI want to. I need toâ.
Then the silence greeted the two of you again, but not uncomfortable, just knowing. You moved to sit beside him on the edge of the bed, watching as he sat fidgeting with his hands.
âDo you ever get memories of the two of us before all this?â He asked, though his eyes did not leave his hands.
You nodded, even if he wasnât looking, the question making you glance to your hands as well, âYeahâŠyeah all the timeâ.
There was silence again but there was something in the air, a push and pull, a want to speak and a fear of what would come out. You glanced past your hands at the floor, gently bumping your leg against his, he bumped it back.
âWe really liked studying late in the library,â you joked, still quiet, just for the two of you, as if Earth could hear you from all the way out here.
He let out a breathy laugh in reply, âyeah we really didâ.
âI think we worked well together,â you added, then pausing to correct yourself. âWe still work really well togetherâ.
You watched as his hand slowly moved closer, till it rested atop of yours. A reminder that you were both there, alive, breathing. The words of Rocky echoed in your head over and over, a broken record, that it was ânot enoughâ. Thatâs what it felt like, a ticking timer, its numbers growing smaller and smaller. Even if you had accepted it, even if you told yourself you did. This right now, with him, it would never be enough.
âI think I loved you,â he spoke from the silence and you looked up from your hands, meeting his eyes. You searched his face for any sign he was joking, maybe he was messing with you like he always did. But he was there, fully there, looking at you. And you knew, you knew for a while you had loved him too. âAnd I never got to tell you thatâ.
âWhy didnât you?â You asked, an uncertainty in your question. A push and pull between wanting to know and peaceful ignorance. He swallowed, and you just watched him, watched him fight for words.
âDo you remember?âÂ
You just shook your head, pleading with your mind to catch up in this moment, to tell you why.
âDo you?â you asked, quiet, waiting for the truthâŠand he just shook his head.
âI just know I didnâtâŠI owe you an answer,â he replied, hand gripped tighter on yours. âI love you, I know I love youâŠI think I have always loved youâ.
The words just floated, words you knew you needed to hear, but words you had not expected. You just nodded, unsure of what words you could possibly give back to him. What words were enough at this moment? You wanted to pull him close, wrap your arms around him and tell him you loved him, of course you loved him. You felt it when you saw him the first time, a pull towards him, one only love could possibly create.
âI know,â you whispered, scared to admit it, scared that it would be there, a constant reminder of what you could not have. âI love youâ.
This was present, not past, not âlovedâ, it was there. Because you did. You loved when he would do the stupid dance moves anytime he got something right. You loved how he would make you laugh when you were spiraling. You loved how you bickered and how he looked at you like you were a genius, even when he teased that he was smarter. You loved him, you had seen it in every memory that had come back. You saw it when you left your home to join his research without a second thought. You loved him but life was cruel and time was not on your side, not even a little.
âI love you and I am scared,â he spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts. The tension in your body slightly eased, but the pit in your stomach grew deeper. You tried to meet his eyes but he would not look at you, his gaze cast down, his hand moving down to fidget with your fingers. You werenât sure if he knew they were yours or thought they were his. The thought made you smile. âBecause we are going to die out here and itâs not fair. Itâs not fair to you if I tell you this knowing we are just going to dieâ.
âI would rather die knowing,â you admitted, hand gently reaching out to cup his jaw, pulling his gaze up to yours. His eyes rimmed red, watery. He blinked a few times, shook his head, tried to erase the emotions he could not escape. âIâd rather know we will die and get to love you than pretend and try not to love you at allâ.
Silence.
âI canât keep getting these memories and not pretend you arenât the most important person in the world to meâ.
Silence again, your heart was beating so loud you could barely hear the words you were speaking.
âAnd if you can pretend, good for you,â you continued, quietly, gently releasing your grip on his face. But he just grabbed your wrists before you moved too far, carefully placing it back where it was.
âI canât pretend anymore,â he admitted, shaky. âI canât.â
âThen letâs stop,â you spoke, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Because in space, time ticking lower and lower, it seemed like maybe it was. And there, something snapped, him reaching to cup your jaw. You grew closer and closer, foreheads hovering against the other.
âAre you sure?â he asked, his thumb brushing gently against your jaw.Â
You just nodded, âAre you?â
âIâve been sure since I first saw you again,â he replied, leaning into your touch, something you didnât know you needed so badly. âIâve known before I even understood whyâ.
Whatever hesitation left slipped away in that moment as your bodies allowed for it, allowed you to be selfish, the space between you closing. The magnets had finally collided. The kiss was so soft, you committed the feeling to memory. You never wanted to stop feeling it.Â
He was so careful, like you might shatter right there. And you just might, the feeling so overwhelming. And then it deepened, just slightly, the pent up hunger for something you both had tried so hard to fight. You scooted closer, as close as you could, his hand traveling up your jaw and slightly gripping into your hair. For a moment, one small moment, the ticking clock seemed to stop.
He pulled away with an âI love youâ on his lips before you could even speak. You met his eyes, and there was something there. It was bittersweet, knowing there would come a time where you would no longer get to see his eyes right in front of you. The thought made your stomach turn, a familiar burninig in your eyes. You hoped that if there was something after all of this, after life, that it would be a place you could still see his eyes.
âI know I should have said it a long time ago, I should have given us more time-ââ
The words knocked you back, it felt like a blow to the stomach as your head pounded, it always seemed to feel heavy but this felt different. It all falls into place, all those missing pieces, the scientists in the bar, the conversation on the deck, the volunteeringâŠthe goodbye.Â
âSo what, now you are just going off to die?â he was upset, you hadnât seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
âI am saving humanityâ.
âOh wow, yes, real courageous of you,â he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
âFuck you Ryland,â you said, quiet, cold. âYouâre the one who brought me hereâ.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
âAnd it was supposed to be a temporary thing,â he bit back. âEmpahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldnât imagine people having to say goodbye like this.âÂ
You stand up, your head pouding as you hold onto it, feeling as if it might explode. You slightly stumble, falling against a wall for support, Ryland is quick to follow. You slide down the wall, slightly caving in on yourself, pulling your knees to your just. There were so many emotions coming to you at one, regret, fear, anger, longingâŠlove.
âHey, hey, hey," he says gently, reaching down to try and help you. âWhatâs happening? WhatâŠwhatâs going on?â
You look up and there is a panic in his eyes, one to match your own. You try to speak but you canât, you canât find the words.
âI have nothing here for me,â you spoke from the silence.
âYou have-â and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
âSay it,â you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. âPlease Ry, just say itâ.
Everything hung there, floating in the air And he couldnât, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.Â
âOkay,â it was so breathy, barely even a word.
âTalk to me,â his voice comes back, his hand stretched out to you, you now sitting back against the wall. Your hands gripped your head, your eyes burned and your body shook. There were so many feelings, too many. You just shoved his hand away, before you could even process that it was there. âJust tell me you are okayâ.
âYou didnât say it,â you whispered out, scared to say it, scared to acknowledge that it was real.Â
âWhat?â he asked, gently crouching down to your level, gently reaching to brush hair out of your face, you shifted your head away. âWhat didnât I say?â
âYou didnât tell me to stay,â and the look on his face was one of unimaginable regret. âYou let me get on this shipâ.
âYou wanted to,â he pushed back and your heart dropped. âI meanâŠcome on, itâs not, it reall-â
âYou knew,â the realization hurt more than the memory. He didnât say anything, he had said he didnât know why. He had pretended like it was fine but he knewâŠhe knew why you were here.
âI didnât want to go back to all that,â he tried to reason, and it reminded you of the memory, the samn panic on his face. âI finally have this, I finally have you and it didnâtâŠI didnât want to-â
âSo you just were never going to tell me?â you looked at him, searched his face for something to understand. âWhat? You were just gonna hope it never came back to me?â
The same silence as he fought for his words.
âWhy didnât you stop me?â you finally asked, an answer you knew had been weighing on you, a feeling in your stomach you did not understand until this moment. âPlease Rylandâ.
And it was like dejavu, the same as the memory as he did not say anything. You flet it all over again.
âI stay up at night wondering why I couldnât have just said it,â his voice was so fragile, you looked up to meet his gaze and this time he was looking at you, focused on you. âAnd I wonder if maybe we would be living a normal life right now. Maybe weâd be together and youâd be doing your research and I would still be teaching. And maybe you would have come into my class sometimes as a guest teacher andâŠmy kids would have loved youâ.
A choked laugh escaped him at the thought as he reached up to run his hand though his hair. You let him talk, let him make up for all the silence as you just waiited to understand.Â
âAnd then I think about how I couldnât have ever stopped you,â he spoke again. âBecause you have always loved space more than Earth and then I wonder if I maybe could have but would that have been fair?â
âI just wanted to know,â you finally spoke up, and you shifted slightly, patting the space next to you, inviting him to sit rather than couch infront of you. He accepted, sitting beside you. âI just wanted you to stop being so scared and say itâŠbecause I dropped everything to come and help youâ.
âAnd I begged Eva Stratt for days leading up to take off to put me on that ship,â he admitted.
You hadnât thought about it really, about how he had gotten there.
âYour mission was to find purpose and see Tau Ceti,â he said. âAnd mine was to tell you that I love youâŠbecause I could not stay on Earth without youâ.
The words were so loud.
âThat was my mission, that is why I am here,â he continued. âAnd if you are mad at me, I understand whyâŠbut I will take those few seconds you were not and know it was worth leaving everything behind just for thatâ.
The clock seemed to come back, ticking louder and louder in your brain. The heavy realization that this was it, that there would be a day where this was gone and there would no longer be the pain and the wondering and the want. That there would come a time where you would not get to hate or love Ryland Grace anymore. And if you could pick one, you would love him for as long as you could. Even if you were mad, even if you wished it was different, he was still here and he had left the world for you.
âWe are going to die out here,â you spoke, bluntly and obviously. âAnd I wonât do that angry at you, I wonâtâ.
"Let me fix this," he pleaded, his voice sounding so small. "Let me love you with the time we have".
You just leaned your head on his shoulder in response, his head resting a top of yours, a silent agreement. A silent truce. A page turned because dwelling in the past had become something you learned you could not do anymore. You wondered why people ever had at all? Because life was meant to be lived, because the past could offer you only ways to change and grow, it was not a place to remain in. It was your guide forward into a better future.Â
âWe would have had a good life together,â you spoke from the quiet, honest, no more pretending.Â
âWe will,â he corrected. âI mean it isnât really how I pictured it, but the views are pretty nice up hereâ.
You just laughed, laughed at how ridiculous this all was. How he had chased you all the way into the depths of the solar system, all the way into a new one entirely.Â
âI will take any time I can with you,â he spoke, gently reaching up to wipe a tear that had escaped. âI would take a few secondsâ.
âThis sucks,â your voice cracking slightly, a small huff of laughter escaping you because what else could you do.
âA little less with you here,â he corrected and you just smiled, a watery smile.
âGrace and (Last Name) not go home, question?â the familiar voice caused your head to snap towards the entrance to the room. The normally loud creature had somehow made himself a fly on the wallâŠyou wondered how long he had been there.
âHey buddy,â you squeaked out, wiping your eyes with the palm of your hand, sitting uop straight.Â
âRocky not understand, why not go back to Earth, question?â he persisted
The question was a hard one to answer, one you wanted to keep avoiding. To speak it into the air was to acknowledge that it would come soon, that it was real.Â
âThis is a one way trip for us,â Ryland spoke, calculated and straightforward, though you could hear the slight shake at the end of his words. âThey gave us enough Astrophage to make it to Tau Ceti and then we will send our findings back on probesâ
âWe have our mission and then we will be done,â you added, Rocky rolling into the room to stand in front of where the two of you sat. You shifted slightly, an appropriate distance, but his hand still lingered on your thigh, your hand atop of his.
âNo understandâ Rocky just repeated, shifting back and forth in his ball as if he were pacing. You would have laughed if the conversation wasnât about your inevitable death floating out in space.
âEarth is too far from here for us to get back Rock,â you continued, a shaky breath, a glance at Ryland, anything to ground yourself. You told yourself you were fine with it. But the thought, the thought of a normal life with Ryland, it ached all over your body. âWe have enough food to get us through a couple of years-â
âAnd then what, question?â
âWe will die,â Ryland answered, no longer beating around the bush. âWe chose this mission knowng we would die out hereâ.
We chose this mission. Rockys movements only got more exaggerated, him shifting around in a panic. Ryland gave your hand one squeeze before standing up to follow Rocky as he zoomed around the room.
âWe, uh, we have made peace with it,â though it sounded like more of a question than a statement. âWe know what will happen and we have made peace with itâ.
Rocky stopped moving, turning back to Ryland who now stood in front of him, trying to corral him like a dog that had escaped the house.
âHow much you need return Earth, question?â he spoke up, rolling back towards you, Ryland trailing behind him, trying to catch up with his quick changes in direction.
âAround two million kilogram,â the words sounded hopeless.
âI can giveâ.
Your gaze moved quickly to meet Rylands, an astonished look on his face. You tried to breathe, tried to keep yourself grounded, to not let yourself consider the option.
"I have extra. Can give that much from my ship and still have plenty for return to Erid".
"Rocky, you cant do thatâ.
âThat's too much to ask for Buddy," Ryland replied.
âLet Rocky fix,â he insisted, rolling to your side, as if he were sitting next to you. âRocky crew die, Rocky cannot fix. Rocky friends need help, Rocky fixâ.
Ryland had practically slammed himself into you on the ground, him holding you so tightly, a laugh of disbelief escaping him. The chance, the chance for something else for the two of you. Rocky bumped against you.
âConfsued, confused, confused,â as he rammed into your side. âGrace hurt Alien Girlâ.
Someone had leaked the nickname. You pulled away to give a pointed look at Ryland, he just shrugged his smile so wide.Â
âGet in here Rock,â he said, pushing the creature into your embrace, the two of you wrapping your arms around his sphere.Â
âConfused,â he repeated, insisting.
âIt's a hug Rocky,â you replied. âJust go with itâ.
The three of you moved with a newly lit passion, a new ease in the way you worked. There was hope, there was a future, a world where you would all make it back. The journey continued on, a new sense of understanding between Ryland and you. It was small glances in the lab, kissing in the hallway whenever you could get a minute away from RockyâŠthough he would normally somehow find the two of you, it was late night talking about what life would be like when you returned. A hopeful view of a world that could be better.
You worked hard, trying to understand whatever you could about Astrophage, as you got closer and closer to Tau Ceti E. And when the bright green planet comes into view you finally understand why you had picked this system to study. It was beyond what you could imagine, the siwling greens and oranges and reds so vibrant.Â
âLadie and Gentleman,â Ryland spoke. âI give you Tau Ceti Eâ.
You could just nod, no words fully encapsulating everything you felt in that moment as you looked at the planet. Your lifes work, there, in front of you. And when you walked out onto the hull of the ship with Ryland, you felt as though you could not breathe. It was astonishment on a level you never knew was possible. You were really seeing it, a system you had studied your whole life. And it was then you understood what Ryland meant when he said he could have never stopped youâŠbecause this was everything you had worked for.Â
âIs everything okay over there?â a knowing laugh at the end of his words.
âYeah,â you spoke up, unable to form words. âItâs justâŠwowâ.
âIt is wow,â he agreed, coming to float beside you, bumping your shoulder. You looked at him, him already looking at you, as if you were Tau Ceti E itself.Â
You think you blackout by the time you are back in the ship, so overwhelmed by emotion. You were sure your brain turned off once the Astrophage had surrounded you, the red dots filling your vision. Your brain could not handle it, as you sat back down insid the ship, buzzed with adrenaline. And when the data shows that there is another life form on Tau Ceti E eating the astropage to keep it balanced, you feel your body almost collapse. You laugh, an extremely loud laugh, the only thing your body could do.Â
âWhat?â Ryland asked, him and Rocky turning to look at you.
âI was right,â you speak, much quieter than the laugh, hand coming up to wipe your eyes. This was not the time, there was work to do.Â
âYou were right,â Ryland reassures, a nod and a smile, one as if he knew all along that you were. And you could just smile back, giving yourself a moment to feel it all. To feel that accomplishment after years of work, after almost giving up. You know your parents are out there somewhere in the universe smiling because they knew too. They knew you would do it all and it had taken you so long to truly believe that you were capable of it.
You jumped into action once more, because this was what you had prepared for, because this was what you had studied. And you knew. Right then, that you were meant to be up there, Ryland and Rocky and youâŠall of you with one risky plan. A risky plan you would pull off.
And you would, you would get close. When the alarms start flashing so loud, you start to wonder how it went wrong. The beeping rattles through your body, each flash of red light burning your eyes as you try to copilot Rocky as Ryland attempts to get the sample. It is a flash, a blur, your brain moving too fast for you to even process. And when the ship turns too sharp and you bang your head against the control board, you feel your hearing start to dwindle first. You blink over and over, trying to stop it but your head is pounding and you can barely keep your eyes open. You slump against the board, you call out for help for anything and you hear the panic, muffled voice of Rocky call back. Your name is yelled over and over again until you feel nothing at all.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
You wake up gasping for air, shooting up from your bed trying to focus your vision, as everything begins to come back to you. Ryland and Rocky and the sample on Tau Ceti E. The panic feels worse the second time around. You move quickly, looking around, when you see Ryland asleep on the bed beside yours. You cautiously move towards him, hand gently running through his hair, your other moving to his chest. He was breathing and you feel a sense of calm wash over you at the fact.Â
Then you realize that it is quiet, much too quiet and you move quickly out of the room and into the halls. Your head still pounded and the running made you dizzy but you pushed through to get to the main room. Then you see it, the splotches on the ground all leading to a small figure crumbled on the floor. You rush quickly, so quickly, dropping to the floor to meet your alien roommate. You move your hands over him, feeling no sense of movement. Your heart beat won't steady, your breathing is ragged as you move to pick him up. You move him gently, as careful as you can back to the area he had built himself, back in his own atmosphere. And you knew then what he had done, what he had risked to make sure Ryland and you survived. You stand there for a while, watching himâŠjust waiting.
âYou gotta pull through, okay buddy?â you speak as if he can hear you, words trembling as they escape you. âYou are the smartest part of this teamâ.
You donât know how long it is until you feel a hand on your shoulder, your head snapping and your body only calming when you realize it's him. He's alive, he is okay. And you pull your arms around him just as quick, head pressed to his chest listening as his heart beats in a steady rhythm. He does the same, arms wrapped, holding tightly for as long as he could. There was just silence, no words big enough, his head just gently rested atop of yours like it always found its way to. A gentle kiss placed on your forehead, a rhythm of his hand moving up and down your back.
You pull away, you look at each other and just nod. You fall back into that familiar pattern, no words needed as you move around the lab organzing all the samples and getting it ready for Rocky. So closeâŠyou were so close and you would all make it. You had to.
A few nights pass, the two of you moving all the samples of Taumoeba into the tanks Rocky had crafted. He would be so excited.
You are sitting at the desk when Ryland comes to join you, sitting beside you. It was like this most nights, most nights the two of you wouldnât even say a word.
But he spoke this time, he spoke with a hope that had not left him just yet, âwhat color would we paint our walls?â
You laugh at the simplicity of the question, âyou asking me to move in Grace?â
âI thought that was established,â he shrugged, a small smile as laid his head against the desk, you moving to do the same. Heads laid on the table, the two of you just faced the other, smiling. âI mean, we have been living in this space tube for a while alreadyâ.
âI gotta think about it, the wall color is a big decision,â you humor him back, let yourself believe that you would still make it home. âWe got some time thoughâ.
The silence is normal now, almost more normal than any sound.
âDo you think he is just sleeping?â you speak up, wanting some sort of answer, one you knew you wouldnât be able to get.
âHe sleeps like a rock,â he tries to joke, but it falls back into the silence. He sits up again, running his hand down your back again, you leaning into any comfort you could get. âHe is strong, he is gonna pull throughâ.
Neither of you knew that, but you would choose to believe it cause it made it all easier. None of this was easy.
âI donât like this,â you let yourself be selfish, be completely truthful and it felt good to not pretend you were alright. âI hate not knowing what is gonna happen next. Not knowing if any of this will even workâ.
He just nodded, looking down at you, your head still laid against the table, looking off into the distance.
âI used to think this was gonna be simpleâ he admitted. âWe collect the data, send it home and then we wait forâŠâ
He trailed off, the thought too heavy, to ugly.
âBut now it isnât that simple anymore,â you finished for him and he just nodded. The two of you had a sense of understanding, one where you could say no words at all and completely understand how the other was feeling.
âItâs him,â he added. âItâsâŠyou. I just want it all, I want it all with you and it seems so closeâ.
Your heart ached at his words. You sat up, running your hands over your face.
âI donât know if I even have the answers anymore,â he admitted. âI feel like I am lying when I talk, because I donât know if there even is oneâ.
The silence wraps itself around the two of you again and you want nothing more than to just be as close as possible to him. You reach for his hand, and he just as quickly grabs it, his hand wrapped tight around yours.
âDo you think about what it will be like after thisâŠif we pull this off?â you spoke up, looking at your two hands intertwined, rested on the table.
âConstantly,â he answered, and you couldnât hold it in anymore as the emotions bubbled over. Tears fell from your eyes, as your body began to shake. He moved quickly, coming to stand behind your seat, wrapping his arms around you. Thatâs just how he was, he was your stable force.Â
âWhat do you think it will be like?â you asked, quiet through shaky breaths. âIf we get back homeâ.
âIt will be everything I have ever wanted,â he said, like it was obvious, like it was so simple. And you just held him tighter, committing the feeling to memory.Â
âWhat Rocky miss?âÂ
The words startle you so much you fall out of your chair and Ryland just laughs and you laugh. God you laugh so hard it hurts, so hard you know your stomach will ache for days and you hope it does. Because it would be a reminder of how somehow Ryland and you had survived this all.
âRocky does not get reaction from friends,â he spoke, his familiar confused tone.
Through laughing you sit up, just moving slightly to reach him and throwing your arms around him. Ryland does the same, the two of you holding the alien in his enclosure, so tight, you didnât want to let go.
âWe are going home Rocky,â you spoke, head still buried into the embrace. âWe are going to get you homeâ.
And everything felt right, right there with a rock and a man you loved. Right there in space, surrounded by the beauty of the stars that you had always yearned for. But you had found a new purpose, a purpose to get a new friend home and return back to yours to save it.Â
âRocky see mate again?â he asked, and the question made your heart ache because you could say yes. And Rocky would spin into a chaos of excitement at the answer, immediately asking what work still needed to be done. The craziest part was nothing, you just had to load the Taumoeba on his ship and get the extra astrophage. It waas bittersweet and you were thankful for that.
Much celebration filled the night, the projection room filled with fireworks and loud music. The two of you taught Rocky how to dance even if he found it dumb.. And that next morning when you said goodbye, a piece of you would leave with the alien creature.
In the tunnel, you stood by the glass formation he had built. He was already on his side of the barrier, staring at the two of you. What words could you even say?
You stood there for a while before moving to place your hand against the glass like you had the first time.Â
âThank you,â you spoke, two words, the only words that could ever come close to being enough.Â
âI guessâŠI guess we should get going?â Ryland spoke, but you felt glued to the ground. Because this was it, that was the last time you would see him, separated by the galaxy.Â
âYou are bravest humans Rocky has ever met,â and the words hit you hard and you smile because Ryland had rubbed off on him. âItâs joke, you are only humans Rocky has metâ.
You smile wider, a small laugh escaping you. You could not be sad, not when you had somehow accomplished the impossible.Â
âYou spent too much time with Grace,â you joked back and Rocky only made a sound in protest.
âNot enough,â he said and you pressed your hand once again to the glass, his meeting yours.
âNot enough,â you agreed, Ryland moving to stand behind you, hand resting on your shoulder.Â
âDonât forget about us,â he spoke, hiding the shake in his voice with a cough.Â
âRocky never forget,â and you just smiled, turning to meet Rylands eyes, them the same as yours, watery and overwhelmed with emotion.Â
âGoodbye Rocky,â he spoke up, and the alien once again protested.
âIn Erid we do not say goodbye,â he corrected. âWe do thisâ
The rocky creature began to rub one arm over the other and the two of you just copied. It was easier, you did not have the words in you to say âgoodbyeâ. You moved slowly back towards the door of your ship, sending one final glance back to the creature who just watched the two of you. And just like Ryland did, as the door to the ship closed, through the window you saw him give his version of a thumbs up. You smile, looking at Ryland who looked at you. It was going to be okay.Â
The two of you moved in a silence through the ship until you reached the dormitory.
âBack to sleep?â you asked, unsure of what was next, four years of a journey ahead.
âI guess so,â he said, a hesitation in his words.
The thought of sleeping again sat heavy in yoru chest, the fear of forgetting it all again. You couldnât, you could not forget any of this.
âOne night?â you asked, and he turned in curiosity to look at you. âLet's sleep on it for a nightâ.
And he nodded, the two of you making your way to your individual beds. You stood there, pulling back the sheets when you hear his voice saying your name. You looked uo to meet his eyes.
âStay with me tonight?â he asked, gesturing to his bed. âPleaseâ.
You heard it in his tone, the fear, the want to be close and you knew you wanted it to. You moved across the room, a new sense of intimacy greeting the two of you. The bed was small, but you made it work as you climbed into it, adjusting to fit the two of you comfortably. His arms reached around you, pulling your back to be pressed against his chest and you buried yourself in comfort. There, in the silence, two bodies pressed together. Your breathing fell into a similar rhythm and you could feel his eyes on the back of your head. And then you turned, meeting his face, scanning his. And before you could make the move, he made his, his lips meeting yours in a rhythm of longing and you melted right into it.
It was built up energy, after days upon days on this ship, after years prior of beating around the bush about what the two of you were. And you needed it, your body carved the feeling. You grew closer and closer, the kiss growing deeper as you moved to sit on top of him. His hands reached up to run through your hair, slightly gripping onto it and pulling you any closer he possibly could. You ran your hand up and down his arm before finding a place cup his jaw. There did not need to be words in that moment, the two of you communicating in a new way.Â
A quiet breathy groan escaped him, one that sent heat all up your body, and you made it your new mission to pull the sound from him again.
âYou are so perfect,â he mumbled against your lips. âSo, so perfectâ.
âI love you,â you got out in between kisses, in the moments where you gasped for air before going back.
He sat up, you still sitting on him as he gently picked you up to move you on your back, him now above you. He held himself up above you, reaching to brush a stray piece of hair from your face. And he just looked at you, in a way no one had ever before, so intently, looking at every part of your face as if you were his favorite painting in a museum.
âI love you so much,â he spoke, for only you, so quiet. God you loved him too and you would say it a million times, as many times as you couldâŠeven if that would never be enough.
Then, as if on cue, as if the universe wanted to keep you apart the alarm began blare. He jumped up to attention, the sound triggered a panic that both of you shared. You looked at him, him at you. He quickly leaned down, pressing one last kiss to your forehead and then gave you a nod.
You moved quickly, joining him as he rushed down the hall to the control room. You quickly behind him, watching as he scanned the screens.
You notice it first, the other screen flashing the words FOREIGN PRESENSE DETECTED.
âThe lab,â you breathed out, looking at the screen.
âThe Taumoeba,â he finished for you, jumping out of the chair just as quickly,.He moved down the hall at the same fast paced, the adrenaline pumping through the two of you. It hit you quickly as you looked at the cylinders on the wall.
âThey are leaking,â he observed, turning to look at you and the realization of what that meant hit you like a train.
âRocky,â you turned to him in a panic and he just gave you back a dazed nod. And it was there, right in that moment that you knew. Ryland and you were always meant for unexpected. That a normal life wasnât what either of you ever needed, you just needed each other. You needed a good friend who had given you both so much.
âRocky,â you repeated. And he looked at your, pleading eyes, as he too knew what this meant. âWe gotta go back for himâ.
And you knew what that meant, that meant no going home, it meant leaving it all forever. What even was home? It was people, the people who carry you through life, lifting you up in celebration in your best moments and holding you together in the bad. And when you look at Ryland, you see it so clearly. Your home was not that dingy apartment, it was not San Francisco, it was anywhere the two of you were together.
He reached for your hand, and you grabbed it back, standing there together looking at the wall of samples.
âYou want to do this?â he asked.
âWe need to do this,â you replied, the most sure you had ever been.
He just nodded at you, that smile you never wanted to forget. Tomorrow you would wake up and you would be traveling back towards Rockyâs ship. It would take weeks and you would watch the days pass by, filled with Ryland and you arranging the samples to send back to Earth. And it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were with Ryland Grace and you were alive. You were wearing an alien shirt and spending late nights in a lab on a ship beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home, because you were finally home.
Will the follow up part of the Ryland fic be any time soonnn I'm so excited
HI! Thank you for everyone's patience. I had to last minute pick up a bunch of work shifts this week so it's been a little crazy! I am finishing up editing and I am excited for part two of my ryland fic to drop tn. Can't wait for all of you to read, your support has meant the world!!
