my mom took this photo!

❝ she said I look sweet.❞ luke thompson. sophomore. the sweetheart.

[bnmxfld]

I had no idea what I wanted, only that I wanted something, which is the worst kind of wanting.

David Levithan (via bnmxfld)

[heartofhearst]

date: monday, january 27th time: noon location: the quad tag: @charityscholar​

it was a couple days after the vigil, and the subsequent party that had followed it, but that didn’t mean that luke had fully recovered. whilst most of his physical symptoms had started to disipate, it hadn’t changed the fact that a lot of the tail end of the night was a bit of a mystery. there were bits and pieces, and overall he felt like he had had a good time despite everything. still, it would have been nice to know some specifics, especially as he had a feeling he’d probably annoyed a few people that night with his drunken silliness. 

the thoughts had come to mind as he was crossing the quad. after spending the previous day cooped up indoors feeling sorry for himself, he decided it was probably worth getting some air. he caught sight of charity, nose in a book, and felt a strange pang of guilt. whilst he remembered interacting with her and her not being especially appreciative of it, he couldn’t tell if that had just been because she never really was or because he’d done anything particularly out of line. either way, he didn’t really feel right about not attmepting to work out which one it was so he could make up for it. 

luke made his way over to her, coughing awkwardly to get her attention. “hey, me and nico missed you on our eggs date yesterday,” he gave a small shrug and offered a smile, “can i sit down for a sec?” 

[heartofhearst]

sickienickie·:

          it’s kind of weird to be dancing in the middle of a crowd, and the more he sips on his drink, the more uncomfortable he’s realizing he is, but he keeps his cool only for luke’s sake. it looks like he’s having fun, trying out his shopping cart move, and nico is cheering him on whilst the two do it together. the whole reason he came here tonight was to make this guy smile, and at least that’s been accomplished, even if he did get himself into some trouble before. luke’s a pretty good dancer, he somehow manages to even make the shopping cart move nicolas has shown him look cool, and when he starts to show off how he can floss, nico’s lips curl into the biggest smile, and he hollers at him, which starts to gain even more attention from people around them. “dude, you’re fuckin’ incredible.” nicolas praises, taking another gulp of his drink, and then holding it high in the air as if to salute him. 

        “dude, there’s no way i’m gonna be good at flossing.” nicolas laughs, moving his arms in the same movements that luke is, though it doesn’t look nearly as seamless as the way he’s doing it. he moves his hips, but it just doesn’t seem to match up with the beats from the music playing, or the way he sways his arms. “see? i suck, bad.” he laughs, and then decides to leave it up to luke, standing back a little and gesturing towards him so that everyone around can cheer him on as he flosses. nico is cheering him on too, taking long sips of his drink while he does so. it’s almost finished, which means that it’s probably almost time to go. he waits a moment, letting luke get to be the center of attention and looking like he might actually be having a good time. the song ends, and when luke looks like he’s finished showing off his flossing skills, nico puts a hand on his shoulder again, and gives him that same look as before. “that was fun, dude. but i really should go.” he squeezes him gently, and even goes as far to give him a hug, careful to not spill his drink on him. “but eggs tomorrow? my treat, and i’ll tell you all about the whole fight thing.”

luke took nicolas’ cheers and smiles as a massive encouragement. he was having so much fun as he knocked the moves out, arms swaying and hips moving in a seemingly never-ending flurry of dancing genius. he also vowed to never let nico forget that he’d called him incredible, and use it as a cute jab whenever nico went back to getting tired of luke’s nonsense. despite nicolas not being the best at the dance, luke couldn’t help but feel incredibly grateful that he’d at least given it a go. “you did awesome!” he didn’t try to make him carry on when he stopped as he knew that he shouldn’t push his luck, instead soaking up all the attention as people began to gather around and join in. it felt amazing, a far cry from the sullen nights he’d had the past week. 

when nicolas told luke he was heading out for a second time, luke knew he had to let him leave. he really didn’t want to, but it wasn’t his call. instead, he leaned into the hug, squeezing the other tightly knowing he’d probably not get away with that at any other point. he nodded his head quickly, “eggs and talking. good plan.” he was still beaming. he’d have to get nico out again some time soon, or even just get him on a game of DDR. after a moment of not speaking and just enjoying the embrace, luke tried to compose himself enough to look his friend in the eyes. “thanks for coming. genuinely. it sucks you got into it with whoever but... i’m really happy you were here.” his words were from the heart, but he couldn’t help but punctuate it with a small giggle at the awkwardness of this mid-dancefloor confession. quickly plonking a friendly peck on nico’s forehead ( that he knows he’d likely get an earful from at any other point ), he pushed him away and stepped back into his newly formed circle of strangers. he called out to nicolas before getting back to his dancing, “get out of here, you crazy kid.”  

[heartofhearst]

sickienickie·:

      truthfully, nicolas actually hates the fact that luke has his hands all over his face right now, squeezing his cheeks like he’s back in italy with his nonna – but the boy is drunk, and he’s going through a hard time, so instead of wrenching away and telling him to keep his hands to himself like nico would like to, he stays put, stuck between his friends sweaty palms as he analyses his face. “verbal fight,” he clarifies himself as he’s released from luke’s grasp. “should’ve mentioned that. but i’m okay now, don’t worry.” not really okay, he doesn’t know if he’ll be okay until he and olivia are okay.. and he can’t really picture that ever happening now. regardless, he puts on a mildly happy face for luke as he’s suggesting the two of them go dance, and soon enough the two are out on the dance floor.

         “my moves? they’re going to be pretty laughable.” nicolas jokes, trying to raise his voice so that the other can hear him. “my best dance move is more of just like.. swaying from side to side?” he shows that off almost immediately, moving back and forth with the music and managing to keep time. he’s never really been one who dances, even back in high school. he only attended one school dance, and even then he recalls ditching the dance floor to makeout with his girlfriend in one of the unisex bathrooms. “my little sister taught me some stuff, though – like uh,” he reaches up high with one hand, like he’s grabbing something off of a shelf, and then tosses it into what he’s pretending to be his grocery cart, the other hand gripping an imaginary handle. “the shopping cart dance, yeah?” he laughs, but quickly becomes embarrassed of it and stops after catching a few judgmental eyes on him. “now you,” he nods towards luke, a brow raising at him, “what’s your best move?”

the idea of a verbal fight made luke feel a bit better — he still wasn’t happy he couldn’t be there to support his friend, but at least there were no physical wounds out of it. nicolas had always come across to him as the sort who could handle his own in an argument, so when nico said he was okay, luke chose to believe him and dropped it. there wasn’t much he could add now anyway, and he managed to convince himself self that if it had been that bad of a disagreement nicolas wouldn’t have changed his mind about leaving. the best way he could probably help was just to carry on doing what he was doing, and giving him a better ending to a less than ideal start to the night.

it was hard to process anything with the swirling feeling that was inside his skull, but the sight of nico dancing was truly something to behold. luke’s instinct was to immediately attempt to copy his so-called shopping cart dance, although he missed the memo of stopping when people looked at them weirdly. he found it hilarious, and continued the dance in a circle, trying to get nico to join back in as he did his best to time the ‘tosses’ to the song playing. when he was asked what his own best dance was, oh boy. where should he start? he had a whole arsenal of great moves that he’d picked up. he let himself flow into a move naturally, and what proceeded was his most controlled and precise dance of the night. a perfectly executed floss, his arms staying rigid and parallel to each other as they swished from side to side. he felt like the dance king, and he was sure no one would dispute that. “i have so many, but this one is the best, or one of them at least.” luke grinned as he called over the music, “do it with me!” 

[heartofhearst]

struckmynerve·:

“fuck, man. i thought we didn’t pre-game because we weren’t gonna tanked tonight,” he laughed. but things change, and it’s less pathetic to drink tequila from plastic shot glasses at a warehouse party than to drink tequila alone in his apartment. grabbing the cleanest-looking ones he can find, roman held out two for his friend to pour the rancid-smelling liquor in. “alright, ground rules,” he said, licking his lips, “i can’t get too drunk ‘cause charity might kill me if i got wasted while i left her to fend herself in his place, absolutely no chelsea talk, and no sad drunk bullshit. got it?”

maybe that had been the plan, but the stench of sweat and the repetitive thump of the beat in the background had given luke the itch to get a little crazy. of anyone he knew, roman was someone who definitely needed a distraction, so luke had taken it upon himself to become his party master general and guide him to a good time. sure roman didn’t want to get too drunk right now, but he knew charity was a tough cookie so he’d have to see if roman changed his mind later. the rest he had no problem with. luke began to fill the cups as close to the brim as possible as a playful grin danced at his lips. "got it, 100%.” standing in front of the other, luke laced their right arms together, in a way that meant they’d be hooked together as they drank. “you ready?” luke laughed, holding his glass up in triumph. 

[heartofhearst]

charityscholar·:

Charity looked at him like he had two heads when he raised his arms as if she was going to join him in waltzing. It took a bit of effort on her part not to roll her eyes as she stayed put. “Well, like I said, I’m not really the dancing type, so you’ll just have to go off on your own.” She highly doubted her was actually going to but she didn’t doubt he’d eventually get swallowed up in the crowd and party. Waiting for that to happen was another thing entirely but she didn’t want to be cruel and push him away, she just wanted it to kind of happen naturally.

When he tried to explain where Roman had gone, she shook her head, taking another long sip of her drink to keep herself from responding and saying anything mean. Roman was fine, she was sure of that, and while he might be bombarded by people who wanted to talk about Chelsea, he could more than handle himself and Charity wasn’t actually worried about him. More so she just wished he would finish mingling and come save her from the personal hell she’d found herself in. “It was more a figure of speech than anything. I’m not going to do a keg stand. I’ll leave that to the people who probably wish they could major in partying.” She had done one once, her own freshman year, and that was enough. “Why don’t you do one, if you’re so excited by the idea?”

it was quite the downer talking to someone who acted like her face would split open if she tried to smile. luke had come here to have a good time, and although there was some fun in trying to get on her good side, he wasn’t really sure what the best tactic was. clearly his normal jokes weren’t good enough, and it wasn’t like she was offering much in the way of conversation. if she’d actually agreed to the keg stand he’d have been over the moon, but that didn’t seem like it was happening either. he would have been more than happy to do one himself had it been suggested before he’d started this conversation. now though, his brain was fixated on this. 

he was still swaying slightly despite attempting to stand still, and for a moment he stood quietly just vibing to the music. the current song wasn’t one he knew, but he probably hadn’t known half the songs he’d enjoyed that night. so if he could like a song he didn’t know, why couldn’t she like a person she didn’t know? the comparisons were identical in his mind, and continuing to think about it was beginning to make him feel anxious. “is it parties and dancing you don’t like, or is it just me?” his smile had faded to a look of concern, regretting asking so forthright. he wanted to know the answer, but he wasn’t really sure what he’d do with the answer either way, “am i just making things worse?”

[heartofhearst]

sickienickie·:

        another drink probably would help, and he wouldn’t have to stay for that long – maybe just until the dj’s played a few more songs, and perhaps luke is drunk enough that he won’t realize the passage of time. “fine, just one more drink.” nicolas gives in, looking around his surroundings to find himself one. it’s not hard, and he wonders how many sections of this warehouse party are dedicated to getting it’s attendance absolutely plastered. “but really – you didn’t just see the huge fight i was just in? damn, at least not everybody did.” nickie mumbles to himself, hoping that luke won’t press him on what had just happened. yeah, his and olivia’s failed relationship is public knowledge now, but nickie isn’t sure he’s so comfortable talking about it yet. after seven months of keeping his mouth shut, he’s not sure he can so easily just ramble about his love affair with a girl who hates him now. 

he manages to grab a different drink this time, an unused red solo cup being available to him made it easier to make the kind of cocktail he’s craving right now. something with… eighty percent vodka, and twenty percent mixer. something that’s going to get him fucked up enough that he won’t be able to remember the look on bonnie’s face when she realized what had been going on between him and olivia for so long. “don’t worry about me, dude.” nickie says after taking a long gulp of his disgusting concoction. “i’m here for you. you wanna, i don’t know…” he looks around, seeing that there is a bit of a dance floor. “i don’t know, wanna dance or something?” he can’t really imagine himself dancing right now, but maybe if he progresses a little further in his drink he can get there. he can’t even really dance, but he doesn’t let that stop him when his main goal tonight was to make luke feel better. and he’s only going to do it for a few songs anyway, that’s what he’s telling himself. “c’mon. let’s dance.” he extends his hand towards the other male, raising an eyebrow as though his suggestion is more of a command.

luke’s eyebrows furrowed the moment nicolas mentioned a fight. he had seen a bunch of people rush away at one point, and now he had that information he was sure they were probably were heading to watch that. he’d been in his own world too much to really care, but he felt bad that he’d invited him there and not been around to stop him getting himself into trouble. sandwiching nicolas’ face between his hands and squeezing a little as he analysed either side, luke offered him as genuine of a pout he could muster, “if anyone hurt my nico i will be very sad. probably the saddest of anyone ever.” that wasn’t true, the whole point of this is that it was for a dead girl’s memorial after all, but his heart was in the right place, even if his brain might not have been. 

a part of luke told him that he should probably stop his friend from pouring a concoction so potent, but he felt himself erupting into praise, cheering as nicolas drank it down. luke followed suit and downed his current drink so he could fill his with the same mixture (albeit a more even ratio). now we’re drink twins! the though was enough to make him giggle at his own hilarity, but this moment was only going to get better. an offer to dance? he never thought he’d see the day. “that’s honestly the best thing you’ve ever said!” he all but snatched nicolas’ hand and dragged him to where the make-shift dance floor seemed to have formed. the music was loud, and the floor was sticky, but the grin that was now across his face was undeniable. his shoulders and hips automatically shimmied to the beat, taking intermittent sips of his drink every time it felt like he was going to spill it everywhere. “show me your best moves, bro.” 

[heartofhearst]

sickienickie·:

date: saturday, january 25th time: sometime between eleven and midnight location: post vigil party. tag: @heartofhearst·

        there’s no way he’s sticking around after that whole fiasco. he’d much rather be sulking by himself right about now than stuck in the center of a ridiculous warehouse party celebrating a dead girl. now, he’s almost frantically searching for the boy he’d come here to spend time with, pushing past drunk strangers until he’s found luke, looking a little worse for wear right about now, and definitely way more drunk than he probably should be. this is obviously the worst possible time to tell someone that you’re not actually there for them when you said you would be, but nicolas is visibly shaken up after his interaction with olivia, and he doesn’t know what kind of angry side of him might come out if he doesn’t get out now. almost abruptly, nickie puts a hand on his friends shoulder, squeezing gently and giving him an awkward smile. “hey, man. it was hard to find you.” nicolas sighs, running a hand through his hair as he tries to work up the courage to tell him that he does not plan on spending any more time here, even if this is where luke wants to be right now. “listen uh, some shit just went down and i’m gonna head out.” throwing a thumb over his shoulder, he looks past a sea of people towards where the main entrance was, and for a second considers inviting luke with him. instead though, he shakes his head, and squeezes luke’s shoulder once again. “how about breakfast tomorrow? some hangover eggs, or something? pretty sure you’ll need them.”

the drinks hadn’t stopped flowing for luke since had walked in the door, and by this point he was most definitely out of it. he was never one to turn down a good party, but there was a chance he’d overcompensated for how awful he had initially felt by throwing back more than he was used to. when he noticed nicolas coming up to him, a giant grin instantly plastered itself on his face. if he was being honest he’d kind of forgotten he’d invited him at this point, but on the plus side it meant that the surprise of seeing him was even more appreciated.  

“nicolas!” he'd have pulled him in for a massive hug if he'd gotten a chance, but the other didn’t delay in telling luke about his plans to leave. his bright smile fell immediately into a frown. “what? no!” “you can’t butter me up with the idea of hangover eggs to get away with ditching,” luke copied his friend’s head shake, leading to a slight dizziness but ignoring it. he knew that parties weren’t really nicolas’ thing, but it meant a lot to luke that he’d turned up, so hearing his plan to leave already was incredibly disappointing. the eggs part was a compelling alternate plan, but he had to force himself to focus on what was happening right now. “what happened?” without waiting for an answer, he thrust his solo cup forward, offering nicolas a sip, “i reckon another drink will help you feel better.” 

[sad--gal]

[heartofhearst]

charityscholar·:

“Everyone? Well, I’m certainly not included in that, so I think you should reassess your broad assumption.” Her tone was flat and she gave him a slight smile, just enough so as not to appear socially constipated. Was he teasing her with the ballet comment? She doubted it, Charity had never known him to be the kind of person to make those digs and she doubted her even knew that about her. As far as she knew, his mother had never been present at any of her recitals and so there seemed to be no way he would know that about her. “You want me to waltz in the middle of a group that looks like they could impregnate one another even with their clothes on?”

Charity sighed, taking a long drink from her cup. She was wondering absentmindedly if it would be horrifically rude to find someone else to drive her home. “Luke, I don’t need excitement. I didn’t exactly some here because I love raging parties! I came here for Roman, and that’s it. Where is he anyways?” she asked, surprised not to see them together. When they’d arrived in the first place, the two of them had disappeared rather quickly, leaving her to find her footing in an unfamiliar situation. She wanted to be annoyed but if it kept her out of a little huddle of her, Roman, and Luke, she would take it. “Anyways,” she added as the thought came to her, “if this party gets caught? I would rather do a keg stand that get seen by my father here. The minute the cops are called, I’m out.”

luke didn’t think he needed to reassess. even the most hard-ass people in the world would still tap their feet to the right music, and he didn’t assume charity was that far gone just yet. maybe he should feel bad for bugging her, but it just didn’t sit well with him that she appeared to be so against even breathing the same air as him. maybe if there was a solid reason of something he’d done to her, but to his knowledge he’d been nothing worthy of this level of aversion, and so the only way he could accept it was to try and fix it. “sure, if that’s what you’re into. i’m down if you are.” he took a slight step back and held him arms up proudly in what he remembered to be the leading waltz position, leaving a gap for her to jump in. 

rubbing the back of his neck a little, luke shrugged, “i don’t know, he’s like...” he gestured vaguely in a direction, “some people grabbed me to dance with them and i kinda lost him. he’s around here somewhere.” he wasn’t planning on leaving roman for too long if he could help it, although with every sip of his drink he could feel his attention span slipping slightly. he comment about prefering a keg stand to being caught caused him chuckle. “if you’re going to make a comment like that, you’ve got to put your money where your mouth is and actually do a keg stand. you know that, right?” 

[heartofhearst]

struckmynerve‌:

date: january 25th, saturday

time: 10 pm-ish

location: post-vigil party

tag: @heartofhearst​

not two minutes upon arriving, roman bid charity a quick goodbye, promising to catch up to her later once he’s finished scoping out the place with luke, before letting his friend pull him to the nearest booze station. the idea of throwing a party was utterly fucking inappropriate, of course, but what else did he expect? it’d be a waste of time getting all up in arms about it. instead, he looked at the cornucopia of liquor in front of him, and roman eyed his friend warily, unsure if they were really about to go ham this quick. “bro,” he chuckled, “if you’re about to grab the tequila already, i’m gonna fucking kick you.”

luke wasn’t exactly here because he believed that this party was the best way to honour chelsea’s memory. in fact, he kind of hated the idea. but if his fond friend liquid-courage meant that for a few hours he could kick back and have some fun without feeling guilty about it, it seemed like as good a plan as any. somewhere along the line he’d have to go and see if nico had already turned up, but it almost felt awkward to be sober in this dank room full of loud music and makeshift party lights.  when roman pointed out the tequilla bottle, luke began to grin. reaching down to grab it, he gave a shrug and a laugh, “it wasn’t the plan, but you better get your kicking-shoes on.” luke opened it up, attempting to take a sniff of it but getting such a strong whiff that he almost coughed. he knew it was a bad idea and he’d almost definitely regret it the second it touched his lips, but he’d be lying if that didn’t make it more appealing. he motioned for the other to get some of the strewn about plastic shot glasses, “if we’re gonna be here, we should at least do it right.” 

[heartofhearst]

charityscholar‌:

If anyone ever asked, Charity would assure them that she absolutely did not hate Luke. She knew it could come off like that and nearly everyone loved him, so she worked hard not to act unfriendly to him in public. However, it was impossible to deny that he frustrated her. What frustrated her even more was that somehow they’d ended up in the same college, as if dealing with his antics in high school wasn’t enough. That one year after she’d graduated was heaven until he popped up on the incoming Freshman list. Charity was bothered by the fact that, while Luke might’ve been content with Hearst, she deserved to be at Princeton. Did that make her a bitch? She chose to blame it on the one drink she’d had. 

“Dance?” she asked incredulously, eyebrows shooting up. Her face quickly grew pinched as she tapped her drink against his, knowing damn well he wouldn’t pull it back unless she did so. “I’m not a dancing type.” Plus she hadn’t really thought this would be the mood of the night anyways. Although, monkey see, monkey do she supposed. “You should go back to having fun. I’m sure that’s what she would have wanted.” Charity hadn’t meant it in an insensitive way, but also didn’t see it as being taken that way. “Why are you trying to get me to dance anyways?”

luke hadn’t expected charity to say anything but no to his proposal, but that didn’t stop him from putting on a sad pout. “everyone loves a good boogie, so that’s pretty hard to believe.” it was hard for him to not want to give her a friendly tease, even if only to get some kind of reaction. although they had never been friends or even really run in the same circles, he had met her on occasions here and there, mostly at community events that his mom wanted him to attend. they were always times that luke had to resort to entertaining himself, even if that stepped into the realm of being annoying - not that he’d really notice because most people would just find it amusing and brush it off. “maybe this just isn’t your dance. you ever tried ballet? tap? we could do the waltz if you’re a ballroom kind of girl.”

when she mentioned that going back to having fun was ‘what she would have wanted’, he felt a small lump in his throat, but didn’t hinder him for long. it’s what he had been telling himself all day to convince him to come, so he couldn’t let it make him feel bad now. he took a quick sip of his drink and shook his head, “i can’t go back to having fun when i’m still having fun. i just saw you and wanted you to have fun with me. you look like you need some excitement.” 

[heartofhearst]

date: saturday, january 25th time: 10:30pm-ish location: post vigil party tag: @charityscholar​

somewhere along the (rather wobbly) line of early shots and a spilt beer, luke found himself dancing with a group of people he didn’t really know, his head bobbing as he focused on the music. they hadn’t been there long, but somehow he was already more than just a little buzzed, and it was like all the stress of the previous week had slowly begun to dissipate. as he stepped slightly out of time to the beat, his body swayed and his arms flailed in a way that he would defend as dancing, even if the reality was that he looked like one of those wacky inflatable tube men. dancing on his own was great, but when his eye caught a certain someone, he knew what he needed - a real dance partner. 

luke set his path towards the lovely charity, a giant grin on his face as he approached. she had never seemed to appreciate him or his quips, and even on their shared carpoool here with roman she hadn’t looked thrilled to see him. a few bad jokes and a future-dance request later, and he’d never seen someone get out of a car so fast. ever the optomist though, luke told himself that she was just playing a platonic hard-to-get, not that that was really a thing or had any reason to be, but there was no other logical explanation for why they didn’t get on much. he was so loveable, it just made no sense. as he placed himself in front of her, he held out his solo cup as if to clink his drink. “charity! are you gonna take me up on that dance now?”

[heartofhearst]

nickie 📩 luke

nicolas: hey luke, i'm sorry i've been distant. i know its the worst time for me to start being an asshole.

nicolas: if you need a friend right now i can be that for you. what are you doing after the vigil tomorrow?

nicolas: i won't be there, but i know you probably will. if you need someone after, i can be your shoulder to cry on.

luke: it's cool man, i appreciate it

luke: you know what i really need? a drinking buddy

luke: someone told me there's some party happening in her memory and i reckon i'll feel shit enough to want to go to drown my feelings

luke: and i won't take no for an answer because you said you'll be there for me xx

[heartofhearst]

peoplepleaser·:

“it’s the least i could do, especially since i couldn’t cook anything myself… i don’t do breakfast food and greasy goodness like mabel’s, but i’m pretty good in the kitchen, if i do say so myself.” bonnie was maybe working a little too hard to lighten the mood again, but she knew it would be easier for them to talk about things if luke felt comfortable, and to her, he seemed like the kind of guy who was most comfortable when he was happy. or at least, as close to it as they could get in the wake of everything. nodding at his words, she offered a small smile. “i’ll let you know you’re thinking of him.” she said, amending the initial idea of saying hi. it probably would have been a little weird, saying hi. as far as she knew, they’d never been that close, or at least not the same way he was with chelsea.

bonnie immediately noticed the way he avoided the question she’d gingerly asked in favour of giving her an ego about her kindness. she pursed her lips and tried not to smile too hard at the compliments, appreciating them though they were hardly unusual for her. though she swore up and down she didn’t do things for the praise or appreciation, it still felt good when she got it. her brows furrowed together for half a second when he offered something she hadn’t heard before: she didn’t have to.

“i know.” she quickly replied, frowning at the concrete, watching her feet walk underneath her. “this is what i do. it’s what i care about, taking care of people, especially when it’s not easy.” she explained, as succinctly as she could. peering at him, she narrowed her eyes. “should i take the complete avoidance of the topic all together as a sign you don’t really wanna talk about everything? because if it’s for my sake, i promise, i really don’t mind.” she implored, feeling the need to insist tugging at her.

“what’s the point in being good in the kitchen if those things aren’t included though? not that i can really talk—i basically live on ramen and sandwiches if i have to make food myself,” the thought was enough to warrant a small huff of amusement, “don’t tell my mom though. i told her i eat three square meals and i get all my five-a-day so she stays happy, but that’s just not realistic when vegetables are so terrible.” luke had fond memories of spending time in the kitchen as a child, helping to cook by ‘accidentally’ dropping the broccoli on the floor and adding sugar to things when no one was looking to make it ‘taste better’. it wasn’t long til he was barred from the kitchen completely, so honestly it wasn’t even his own fault that he barely knew to cook. taking the bait, he let the conversation flow,  “do you have some kind of signiture thing that you can make?”

‘this is what i do.’ the phrase stuck out to luke as it was something he’d never really said about himself. he wasn’t quite sure what his ‘thing’ was. sure he liked to joke around and have fun a lot, but surely that was everyone’s goal at some point. either way, he respected the fact that she knew her priorities and stuck to them, even if it did kind of make him feel less unique as a recipient of her kind actions.

“i...” luke began to speak but sighed. “there’s a lot going on and it all majorly sucks but... there’s not really much to talk about. all i know is that when i try to it makes everything... more real, and i don’t know. i don’t think i want to deal with it. i know that sounds harsh... but i don’t think i can deal with it, you know? not yet at least.”  he met her gaze for a moment, trying and failing to convey a bit of confidence as he attempted to hide his nervousness. he gave a small shrug. even just admitting all that was hard enough, so the idea of a whole conversation was incredibly daunting. “would you take a raincheck on it?”

[heartofhearst]

peoplepleaser‌:

“are you calling me basic, luke?” it was easy to continue to play along, taking mock offence at his words. something as unimportant as her stance on breakfast foods being judged hardly bothered her, though. she shrugged at his insistence, smiling and trying to brush it off, ready with some quip about how pancakes absorbed syrup perfectly, but the mood quickly shifted. it was just some silly saying, something he’d let slip past his lips because she’d been trying her best to distract him from reality for a moment, but there it was again. life was short. that much had become very clear to everyone in the last week. 

watching him carefully, she reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. she resisted the urge to reach out to him, at least for a moment as he spoke again, sounding a little less high energy. “so are waffles.” she replied, swallowing thickly as they continued to walk. at his question on what exactly she was doing over at mabel’s, she smiled tenderly and shook her head. reaching out, she linked her arm with his. “how could you be interrupting when you’ve been invited?” she assured him. 

pursing her lips and squinting up at the sunlight that filtered between the trees as they walked, she continued. “i was actually just going to pick up food to bring over to roman… i figured maybe i could visit, let him know i’m there for him.” she explained, peering at him to get his general opinion on it. “this isn’t easy for anyone, but obviously… it’s gotta be hard on him.” bonnie hardly had much of a plan outside just… showing up, but she couldn’t think of anything else that wasn’t totally over the top or too little to satisfy her need to take care of people. and speaking of taking care of people… she placed her other hand on luke’s arm, concern filtering through her expression. “do you wanna talk at all, about how you’ve been feeling?”

it was clear that bonnie understood why luke had stopped his sentence so suddenly. although she had also gone quiet, the fact she hadn’t brought it up calmed him down slightly. the last thing he needed was to be chastised for a dumb comment that had already made him feel bad. when her arm slipped through his, he felt his upper body relax a little to match hers. he wasn’t sure how long he’d been feeling so tense, but at least in this one moment it wasn’t so bad, lending her reassurance a simple, “i guess that’s true. thanks.”

her explanation of why she was originally heading to their destination took him by a slight surprise. after things went south with roman and chelsea’s relationship, luke’s standing with roman was murky to say the least. he’d not considered that despite how hard he was taking all of this himself, it surely must be much harder for roman, especially if they’d left things on sour terms. “that’s a good idea, i’m sure he’ll appreciate it.” maybe he should text him. luke wasn’t sure what response he’d get, but at least he could say that he tried. he considered asking to tag along to roman’s too, but he resolved that if he imagined a pretty girl coming to his door with food and support, another dude there wouldn’t usually be part of the equation. “if you get much out of him tell him i said hi. well no, not hi, that would probably sound weird. something a bit less dumb preferably.” 

as he felt her touch against his jacket, he noticed the look of concern on her face. although he appreciated her company, he didn’t want her to have to feel bad for him. like she said, someone like roman was a person she should be there for. he deserved it more, and it wouldn’t feel right knowing she’d be spending her whole day talking about sad topics just to make sure everyone else felt better. the least he could do was perk up for her sake. purposely side-stepping her question and the potentially awkward conversation that could follow, he cocked his head slightly to the side with a feigned look of surprise, “you know what? i always thought i was my own nicest person i know, but you’re kind of blowing me out the water here. i’m going to have to do something nice for you too to retain my title. feel free to drop lots of really obvious hints about things you like so i can’t mess it up.” he was only half-joking, but in a more serious tone he shrugged and added, “it’s really cool of you to be looking out for everyone, but you know you don't have to, right?”

[heartofhearst]

atolivia·:

“it doesn’t, i guess. and with everything happening, i don’t know… it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better.” olivia knew she wasn’t being helpful, but she was sick of nodding politely when complete strangers would offer their condolences. “if chels was here, she’d probably tell us to get over ourselves.” she said, a dry laugh punctuating her words. it was so easy to imagine her friend still being there, to dangle the excitement of an upcoming party and plan out how drunk they’d be getting. god, she missed it. everything used to be so easy and safe, and now it felt like her entire world had been turned upside down. as someone who thrived on consistency and stability, olivia’s ability to cope only seemed to be worsening. 

“are you coming to the vigil?” she asked, abruptly. it had been on her mind for quite sometime, and every time she thought about it, her mind seemed to change. “because i wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to stick around for it. but it might be healing, or whatever.” olivia thought she was beginning to sound like bonnie, but figured that maybe a little compassion and reason were what she needed to get through this in the first place. even though she didn’t understand how lighting candles and thinking about her dead friend would be healing in any way, part of her just wanted to look out for luke. someone so kind and good didn’t deserve to suffer through this kind of thing alone. “and if it turns out that vigils are a selfish snooze-fest, we can come back here? get milkshakes from mabel’s like we used to, and have our own… memorial. or is that a dumb idea?” she never thought of herself to be sentimental, but she would have done anything at that point to make up for how awful they were feeling.

olivia’s revelation that it would get worse first made luke sigh. he knew she was probably right. there was going to be so much more stress, and confusion, and constant reminders of her wherever he went. even if he tried to run from the thoughts, the questions he had would follow him anyway. but she was right, because he could absolutely hear chelsea telling them that they were being overdramatic. it didn’t matter if he disagreed, she would definitely tell him to loosen up. luke couldn’t tell if her statement was intended to be ironic, but  knowing that chelsea was probably rolling her eyes at his constant moping sent an odd feeling rippling through him. it wasn’t quite peace, but it was comforting nonetheless. “she’d shake her head and want to know why we’re the ones upset when she’s the one that had to deal with whatever happened.” it felt crass, and he scoffed as he spoke, but it didn’t stop the corners of his lips curving upwards slightly.

the question about the vigil came as a bit of a shock — he hadn’t even considered that not going was an option. luke shoved his hands into his jacket and snuggled into his jacket as the brisk afternoon breeze passed over him. “yeah, i’m coming. i don’t think i could forgive myself if i didn’t.” his fingers twiddled with a piece of crumpled paper stuffed into his pocket, “do you know if... i tried writing something down to say. like a speech. it all came out pretty dumb but... i don’t know. i feel like i want to say a proper goodbye, you know? is that even something you do at a vigil? or is it just silent candles and stuff?” luke wasn’t really sure how it was going to work, but hopefully it was a decent enough send off. olivia’s suggestion left another small smile on his face, but this time he turned to look at her. “even if it’s not a snooze-fest I think we still should,” he gave a nod, “i love that. i think she’d love that.”