heartribbons.

[heartribbons-blog]

Everybody loves the things you do From the way you talk To the way you move Everybody here is watching you 'Cause you feel like home You're like a dream come true But if by chance you're here alone Can I have a moment Before I go? 'Cause I've been by myself all night long Hoping you're someone I used to know

You look like a movie You sound like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light In case it is the last time That we might be exactly like we were Before we realized We were sad of getting old It made us restless It was just like a movie It was just like a song

I was so scared to face my fears Nobody told me that you'd be here And I swore you moved overseas That's what you said, when you left me

You still look like a movie You still sound like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light In case it is the last time That we might be exactly like we were Before we realized We were sad of getting old It made us restless It was just like a movie It was just like a song

When we were young When we were young When we were young When we were young

It's hard to win me back Everything just takes me back To when you were there To when you were there And a part of me keeps holding on Just in case it hasn't gone I guess I still care Do you still care?

It was just like a movie It was just like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young

When we were young When we were young When we were young When we were young

Let me photograph you in this light In case it is the last time That we might be exactly like we were Before we realized We were sad of getting old It made us restless Oh, I'm so mad I'm getting old It makes me reckless It was just like a movie It was just like a song When we were young

[heartribbons-blog]

thoughts.

Thoughts are racing through my mind a mile a minute even as I try to convince my mind into slumber & rest. They’re like stops on a subway; my mind pauses at them momentarily, then speeds away to the next thought, never fully stopping. 

Thoughts of what is to be, of what might happen, and of what has been. Thoughts of how I would deal with the future, and how I’ve dealt with the past. 

Thoughts of whether I’m strong enough, good enough, brave enough, loving enough, kind enough, joyful enough, talented enough. Whether I am enough. 

So many thoughts & so little time.

[heartribbons-blog]

Currently on replay.

[heartribbons-blog]

God, You amaze me time & time again.

Despite knowing me as a human with many faults, as a human with a sinful nature, You still choose to love me with all that You have. I don’t understand how You are so full of love, forgiveness, mercy and grace, but I know that I am eternally grateful for the Lamb that was slain for my sins, that He got what I deserved so that I could have what He deserved. I am thankful that in You, I don’t have to fear. In You, I can be joyful in being who I am because I was created beautiful and amazing. I was designed to do great things. But I wasn’t meant to do all these on my own. As I’ve grown, I’ve learnt that doing things my way might work sometimes, but ultimately, it’s You I have to learn to lean on.

I read on a friend’s Facebook post that people usually say “God doesn’t give you something you can’t handle”, and that she disagreed with that statement. God does give us things we can’t handle, but not because He enjoys seeing us suffer. Rather, He’s bringing us to a place where we cannot go on on just our human strength, where we come to a place of surrender and recognising that it’s in our weakness that He is made strong, where we choose to depend on Him to bring us through. We’ve said it so many times in service, in cell, in our daily lives, that nothing is impossible for God. And that is truth! It is the real truth! That nothing is impossible with Him! But first we need to take our eyes off ourselves, off of our situations and look to Him and make that decision to say “Help me, God.”

I thank You today for being a Father that is so helpful, that wants to see me do my best, that is always there around me and in me. Remind me when I falter that Your arms are always there to pick me up, to catch me before I fall.

[heartribbons-blog]

It's a pine & an ache. It's a groan & a cry. It's a pain that demands to be felt. It's a wound that's healing. It's a scar that has scabbed. It's a pain I'll never forget.

[heartribbons-blog]

You’ll remind me, of things forgotten. You’ll unwind me, until I’m totally undone. And with Your arms around me, fear was no match for Your love.

Fear vs love. Disappointment vs joy. Failure vs success.

Decisions. Made in reaction to fear, or in response to love? Made because of a fear of disappointment, or because of a fullness of joy? Made due to a dread of failure, or a dream of success?

Each motivation might lead to the same outcome. But each motivation causes a difference in how life is led. Fear is crippling, devastating, destructive. It’s a constant worrying, fleeing, fighting for your life. Love is empowering, comforting, supportive. It’s constant contentment, satisfaction, pleasure. 

I choose to live in love rather than fear. I choose joy. I choose peace. I choose not to worry but place my future in the One that knows and remembers it as a memory. I choose to make my decisions based on His provision and not my own. I choose perfect love.

[heartribbons-blog]

I was looking through old photos in my camera roll today, deleting ones that weren’t worth keeping, and stopping at ones that held memories. 

I stopped at pictures of Chelsea, when her fur was shorter and blacker, and her eyes were brighter. At 11, she still has a lot of spunk, but it is evident that she is getting older.

I stopped at pictures of my friends, wondering how some of them were doing, whether they were doing good in life.

I stopped at pictures of myself, when my hair was longer, my skin clearer, devoid of any makeup except for maybe a hint of concealer and lip balm. It is evident that I am getting older. 

I went back to those days, those months, those years, and relived the moments those photos held. I smiled most of the time. Some smiles were wider, others were tinged with a hint of regret or sadness. Going through those photos left me feeling bittersweet, for I knew those days could never be lived again, no matter how hard I tried. In spite of that, I remind myself that there are greater memories to be made, and greater moments to live for.

I might not know what happens tomorrow, but tomorrow definitely brings new memories. And with my phone beside me, who knows, I might capture a memory that could just bring a smile to my face months from today, when I look through my old photos again.

[heartribbons-blog]

fight or flight

Here we are, once again. At odds, barely speaking a word to each other, the tension rife. We mend things, patch things up, before falling again, shattering. Falling apart has become such a common occurrence, and now the cracks are starting to show, the wounds bare and open. 

Friendships are never perfect - that I’m aware of. Arguments between even the closest of friends happen all the time - that I’m aware of too. But when these fights become a seemingly bi-weekly routine we go through, I question myself, “is it really worth fighting for?”

We used to fight for our friendship, be us against the world. Now we fight against each other, on opposing sides, bruised and battered. We tear into each other, piece by piece, little by little. 

There’s only so much that I can give, and only so much that I can take. 

So, is fighting worth it when I seem to be fighting a losing battle, or is it more worth it to take flight?

[heartribbons-blog]

i miss you | part II

It’s almost been a year since it happened. And time has definitely helped in healing. In the past year, I’ve learnt to let go, somewhat. I’ve learnt that people, even though they are good people, may not always stay in your life. I’ve learnt that it’s all a part of growing up, which may sometimes mean growing apart.

I never knew how deep I had fallen until I noticed certain things. I realise that whenever I see or hear your name, it still makes something within me jump. Whenever I see you talking to someone else, something inside me still aches that that would most probably never be me. Whenever we see each other, I feel so distant, or sometimes even nonexistent in your eyes. It’s like we’re breathing in the same air, yet we’re living in two separate & distinct worlds. 

I don’t miss you as a person I loved. Rather, I miss my friend. I miss knowing that I have a friend so understanding. I miss having someone that I could be crazily annoying with some times, yet really serious at others. I miss talking to you like it was second nature. I miss just being able to hang out with you.

But would that ever change?

[heartribbons-blog]

Pictures of you, pictures of me.

[heartribbons-blog]

Fade into you.

[heartribbons-blog]

10 Things I Hate About You.

[heartribbons-blog]

[heartribbons-blog]

To: Me

1. Laugh, and find happiness in even the littlest of things.  2. Be yourself. There are people that will accept and love you for who you truly are.  3. It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel hurt. But always remember to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start afresh. 4. Forgive freely. Life's too short to hold onto grudges.  5. Love the people around you. Find out what makes them, them. 6. Spend time alone to revive, re-energise and find yourself in the midst of all the busyness called life. 7. Drink more water.  8. Get your butt off the chair and go to the gym more often. Your future self will thank you. 9. Love yourself the way you would want someone to love you, and take pride in what you do. 10. Do not compare yourself with others. You were made to be you for a reason. 11. Put your phone down sometimes, and take in what is around you. It's amazing what you'll see when your eyes aren't glued to your phone. 12. Be courteous, be fine. Be strong, be kind. Always.

[heartribbons-blog]

Where We Used To Run by Landon Austin.

[heartribbons-blog]

[heartribbons-blog]

The Words by Christina Perri.