*complacency is the virtue of the damned

a pretty toy of the gods and their children *current m!a: none *current status: contemplative. [currently on hiatus]

[heavensdoll]

dia update: health has been Very Bad as predicted. in fact it has been worse considering my month and a half of sudden absence

i'm as alright as i get but it might still be a while before im back around here frequently again!

[heavensdoll]

dia update!

i havent been around recently due to an unfortunate rapid combination of health problems, computer problems, and currently i am feeling more health problems on their way

holidays!!!!!!

[seanfukamachi]

Open starter

"I…I don’t understand…"

"I shot him.  I shot him! I paid him back for everything he ever did to me!"

"…So why don’t I feel any happier?  What do I have to do to make this agony go away!?"

[heavensdoll]

"The pain Ikari Gendo has wrought cannot be absolved so easily or quickly as that. It may endure as long as he exists, but removing him from existence will not heal you, nor will hurting him in return soothe you where you have been hurt."

"The men of SEELE are all alike. Revenge is a treatment for shallower wounds than those left by their ilk."

[hauntworu-deactivated20150106]

     Initially, the thought of accidentally possessing someone worries KT more than whatever else it is people can do to hurt a ghost. He’s a baby in existing after death, he doesn’t know the rules behind anything other than the fact that he had to think about opening the door before the damn thing opened.

     Following his logic, the ghost avoids people for the most part, walking at least a few feet away. No one takes any mind of him — no nods of recognition, no side-eyes. It’s strange, but KT takes no mind of it and only continues onward, following where his feet will take him and praying for the best.

     It’s minutes before he realizes something’s pulling him, tugging at his remnants of his soul, or his memories, or something. There’s no thought put into making the decision to find Kaworu after finding whatever’s calling to him, and if he were anything less than desperate for some answers, he might be disappointed in himself. Of course, he can argue that he’s being selfish either way.

     Thinking isn’t working. He just focuses on getting to Point B in the most efficient way possible, and if that just so happens to include walking right into Kaworu, then so be it.

[heavensdoll]

Kaworu's on a mission, in a way. He strokes the familiar curvature of the stone in his pocket fondly as his cold feet carry him down a route so thoroughly memorized it is now among instinct. He's lost in time as he walks, lost to all but the freezing temperature he can never quite get used to and the occasional crunch of a shallow buildup of snow underfoot.

The lake is thoroughly frozen by now, in a near-perfect state for reminiscing. This is a day for memories, and the memory that rests most strongly here is one of Kaworu's most pertinent. The dusting of snow across the ice hardly detracts from the magnitude with which he can recall his first visit here.

It's always lakes. Lakes are something special.

Kaworu sits on the ground unceremoniously and takes out his rock, studying it on compulsion. It's grown warm in his pocket, perhaps uncharacteristically so; in the brightness of the unobstructed winter sunlight it almost seems to be glowing.

[xxmoved-blog]

Memory Meme

Past experiences help shape who we are currently, how we see the world. Send in a symbol and I’ll write a drabble of one of my muse’s memories. 

—

❥ - a childhood memory

♣ - a fading memory

✂ - a vivid memory

✖ - a repressed memory

✈ - an eye-opening memory

✤ - a memory that involves romance/love

☤ - a memory of death/loss

✍ - a memory of their mother

☽ - a memory of their father

♘ - a memory of their sibling(s)

✌ - a memory of a relative

↕ - a memory that may or may not have happened

♚ - a memory of something paranormal

✓ - a sexual memory

♬ - a friend/best friend memory

[heavensdoll]

someone is in bad shape again

[heavensdoll]

I did it. I finally did it!

...

I pray that it doesn't plague you. Murder is a heavy toll for the potential of peace of mind.

[gendo-stop-kawoshin-ikari]

"I am my own God, Kaworu, I do as I please."

[heavensdoll]

"Oh, you're welcome to try and terrorize any old alter of mine!"

"But I'd like to make sure you don't do it with any illusions of being successful. We're a resilient sort, I'm sure you know."

[shadowyseasangel]

Oh? Allow me to experiment

*sticks on bandage*

So far, so goo—

*commences removal*

Ow! Ow! Assistance! Assistance!

[heavensdoll]

L-Leliel! Hold still!

Slowly! Try- pulling it more slowly!

[seanfukamachi]

“…he is no longer living?” Lucky. Out loud he says, “What happened?”

[heavensdoll]

"I know not. He disappeared. When the best of my efforts failed to find him anywhere, the only conclusion I could draw was that the light of his soul had gone out."

[seanfukamachi]

heavensdoll

"You’re a ghost.  Go away, ghost.  I killed you already, stop haunting me!"

[heavensdoll]

"I am not here to cause you grief, Ikari Shinji-kun. I am well and alive, and I am not the Nagisa Kaworu you know... or knew, I suppose."

"If you bid me leave, I will go. I ask you understand, however, the Ikari Shinji I knew is no longer living himself. We are not so dissimilar."

[heavensdoll]

hedgehog-in-dilemma replied to your post:ssssleep time. i have a few more threads to be dug...

please resuscitate the rescue thread

ahh i've actually been chipping away at that one fairly regularly! im Very determined to see it through

[heavensdoll]

ssssleep time. i have a few more threads to be dug up soon but honestly i have like 5 drafts so, if anyone wants to start starting things in the next few days,

[hedgehog-in-dilemma-blog]

Whoops.  Kaworu-kun’s day is a personal affair.  Shaking his head, Shinji waves around his hands in front of him.  “It’s not any of my business!  You don’t have to tell me.  I know how it is.”  Because the conversations needs to be more awkward, he grins a silly grin and sticks up his thumb to express just how cool he is with the Doll’s secrecy.  “Everybody has stuff you- you don’t just tell people!”  This is Shinji dialect for, “I’m pretending my feelings aren’t hurt, but now I’m curious and also filled with self-loathing”.  He should be extra helpful to make up for the emotional discord that he’s probably inflicting on Kaworu-kun.  “Um, if you need an actual paper calendar, we can go shopping for one, or I think I have a cat one in the office.”

[heavensdoll]

"Oh, but I want you to know," Doll says, Shinji's grin catching just slightly. "It's, erm... today was my first release from SEELE. You granted me my second, so you... that's why." Nobody who was there for his first release is left. He can't really bring himself to say that out loud, so Kaworu tries to pull the sadness from his smile.

A conflict arises between lining up the proper days of the week and feeling at ease with an arbitrary sense of time. The decision falls to the side more accurate after a short pause for consideration. "I'd like to go shopping, if it's alright. I think... I'm supposed to have a calendar with the proper year."

[hauntworu-deactivated20150106]

     It takes KT a solid five minutes to open the door, which is hardly his best time and might even be his worst. It doesn’t really matter; he’s glad he finally opened the damn door after several months of sitting around doing nothing. The air is dry, and the first snow’s on the ground.

     That also brings back bad memories. His head aches, and despite not being able to feel the cold, he shudders.

     It’s easier to close the door than to open it, he finds. Rather than set out immediately, KT sits on his steps, plotting out his next course of action.

     ’I could,’ he muses, ‘- haunt Ikari. Serves the bastard right.’

     His heart isn’t in it. Rather, he turns to thoughts of making peace. Kaworu probably deserves it most of all, but who’s to say the young angel hasn’t already made peace with his passing?

     KT’ll just be selfish, then. He wants to talk. He wants news. Some deep feeling of dread churns in his chest when he thinks about Lilith — it’s best to leave her be. Lily would be… working, most likely.

     That settles it. Time to pay Kaworu a visit.      He’ll pick up flowers along the way.

[heavensdoll]

It hasn't quite grown into Kaworu's nature to be tolerant of the cold, but sometimes he longs for the sting of an otherworldly winter. He's still learning how to trap warmth under the AT Field. It's possible, but it's not easy; it might not ever be easy, and he's grown a fondness for the heavy feeling of layered clothes.

There's a place he's fond of as well, to the extent that even the shapes of the souls he sees as he wanders are familiar and comforting even though the people he is passing are nothing more than strangers. Neighbors, he supposes, but that would imply he has a permanent residence here, when Kaworu doesn't really have permanent residence anywhere anymore.

It's especially pertinent for him to be here today of all days, the anniversary of his first freedom. Not just in a world with winter, a place in the world already well into it, but here.

Kaworu's precious belongings accompany his hands inside coat pockets, always lovingly and delicately transferred from garment to garment as is needed. His right hand closes around the oldest one. Cold as it is on his fingers, it's important for here.

[hedgehog-in-dilemma-blog]

Crap.  Crap.  Has Shinhog forgotten a very important day?  Scratching his head, Shinji thinks he pulls a muscle trying to remember the date.  After failing to settle on the day of the week, he gives up.  “Um, what’s today?  If you have a phone, you can program in a reminder.”

[heavensdoll]

The question doesn't come across correctly, and Kaworu looks aside, his expression wistful. "It's an odd sort of special. I haven't told anybody about how it is yet, but I think you'd deserve to know, if you want."

Kaworu doesn't use his phone so much as protect it and by proxy all the memories inside, but he nods. "I might do that." He has every intent, after all, of only marking a few days on a wall calendar and leaving it open to them until they arrive. Strict timekeeping is a cornerstone of the least pleasant times of his life.

[heavensdoll]

... One is supposed to mark special days on a calendar, yes?

I don't... know where I would procure one of those. Where does one purchase a calendar?