Heavy Flow Problems

You are not alone! Successfully outwitting my period with snark and a sense of humor since 2003.

[heavyflowproblems]

I have so much trouble putting in any kind of tampon. I'm almost 17, and I'm sexually active but I still just cannot manage to get one in without it being painful and not going in all the way. All of my friends, including ones that aren't sexually active have no issue with them. It seems to just be me. Idk if there's something wrong with me or what

Well, I had an issue with them, and a lot of my friends did too! So you’re not alone! I really don’t know the extent to how “sexually active” you are (what does that even mean--really...) Even if you’ve had a zillion penises in your vagina, it still makes sense that you might not be able to work a tampon. My guess for you is that you’re angling the tampon wrong, so it’s hitting a wall. And it can take a while to figure out which direction it needs to go. If you spend a lot of time wiggling, poking, and prodding, you’re going to tire your vagina out. Plus, it doesn’t work very well when you’re tense. And poking and prodding might make the vagina even more tense. But you’re never going to get anywhere without a little poking and prodding, to figure out which direction it needs to go. So. You’re going to have to keep trying, but don’t over-try. Does that make sense? 

Hope that helps. I know it probably doesn’t. Just hang in there!

[heavyflowproblems]

Fun life update:

I’m engaged!!! 

[momma-rose]

based on the assumption that human blood can survive in a vampire for about the same amount of time it can in a human body, vampires would only need to feed three or four times a year (red blood cells live about 110 days on average). this would be if they completely drained all their victims.

humans can survive losing up to about 40% of their blood, which means that a vampire pushing their limits with each victim would probably need to feed 12 times a year minimum

[quartetcontent]

so like once a month

[violet-nomad-deactivated2018120]

Hey guess what else happens once a month involving blood

[p0isunn]

omg no

[radiotopia]

Now that’s recycling

[vnrealityfreak]

“Actually, period blood would be really good for a vampire; it’s incredibly nutritious, because it’s supposed to feed a foetus! And it’s probably the cleanest blood in the human body. It’s sterile.” My wife contributed.

[weemstar]

Vampire lesbians

[foolishwriter]

I have this doc half written.

[heavyflowproblems]

Hey guys! 

I’ve been super MIA, and I’m not even sure I remember how Tumblr even works anymore. I don’t even know if people still use Tumblr.

I don’t have any super cool updates---I have had my birth control prescription change again because I have new insurance. This one has a week of placebos instead of just 4 days. Tomorrow will be my first day of placebos...so let’s hope for a light flow!

I have noticed that I’ve been more irritable lately. I don’t know if it has anything to do with my new meds...or if it’s just a coincidence. I’ll get in these little...let’s call them fits...where random stuff will annoy me. Like any repetitive movements, like someone tapping their foot. And it’s not like “hey that’s annoying” it’s......so annoying that it’s painful. I don’t know. It’s really irritating. But it only happens sometimes. I really don’t know how to begin to fix that.

Hope you guys are doing well. Haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you all still out there? 

[heavyflowproblems]

I'm set to start my period the first day back to school -.-

Hopefully it’s not too heavy since it’s the first day! 

[heavyflowproblems]

I still put my 6th grade crush birthday for almost all my passwords

Bless you.

[flutronix-blog]

Oh the joys of being a woman, LOL! Also: that hand position?!?!?! 😂 #icant #fluteplayerproblems #FBF

[carpathiasmoon-deactivated20181]

Dying!

[randallfthegrey]

[heavyflowproblems]

The Heavy Flow Song!

Words from my poem:

x. o. ex. oh. here’s a poem about my heavy flow:

this morning I woke up to bloody pajamas

dare I dream a full night’s sleep–that’s bananas. I’m dirty and I smell, but a shower just feels awkward, ‘cause if you stepped in my shower, it’d be like someone got slaughtered. I’ve got pads and tampons, and maybe a cup, and a stain on my pants–so don’t look close up. I think there’s a piranha alive in my tubes the pain is unreal; not to mention the boobs. but when I think I have found peace with some teas— I…..I…….I………..achoo!……sneeze!

To the tune of When the Curious Girl Realizes that She is Under Glass by Bright Eyes

[heavyflowproblems]

Best Worst Mistake

When I was--a junior (maybe?) in college, I was friends with this guy who was really into old Swedish films. He would borrow my computer (often) to look up clips of these films on YouTube and then copy/paste and send the links to himself. Anyway, there’s a particular film where there were penises. I don’t know how many; I really didn’t want to watch it. 

I had an assignment for my sketch comedy class where I had to email a link to my professor an example of a good comedy sketch that we could share in class. I wanted to send The Argument Clinic from Monty Python---so I went to YouTube and copy/pasted the link to send to my professor. Long story short, a classic “mix-em-up”...I had sent her the penis video.

[heavyflowproblems]

Every time I get my period it runs up my butt and stains my underwear literally above my butt crack and all over the back of my underwear where the printed tag is, no matter what position I am in. How does this happen? It happens EVERY DAY I AM ON MY PERIOD. PADS LITERALLY DO NOTHING, and sometimes my tampons leak. It makes me so sad because I stain soooo much.

Try a thicker tampon. Seriously. I have that same problem. A thicker tampon in a different shape might help block the flow from dripping and sliding around. Tampax Pearl Ultras or Playtex Sport Super Plus are what I recommend. 

[heavyflowproblems]

Do you ever get so sleepy, and sleep would be so great, but you don’t want to go to sleep just yet? You just want to sway back and forth in this wave of sleepiness feeling. Too tired to really do anything but just sway. 

[heavyflowproblems]

Hi everyone! I miss you all! Sorry I don’t post enough! Each of these statements are exclamatory! Except this one. 

[heavyflowproblems]

i hate having a heavy flow bc my period is really irregular, (ive only had it for a little over a year, i was a late bloomer) and it'll come in the middle of the day and ill bleed on EVERYTHING.

That’s really the worst! I'm sorry.  Hopefully with time, tell get better. Maybe always wear a pad or a liner until it becomes more regular.  

[heavyflowproblems]

one time, my tampon string was the only thing i pulled out, so i had to call my bestfriend to the bathroom, at lunch, in school, to help me remove it

That sounds really awful, awkward, and perhaps painful! But at the same time, it'd be a really funny scene in a movie. 

[divasdishblog]

“People are perfectly happy to see women as sex objects, but the actual biology of our bodies is apparently gross and unmentionable.”

- Our Bodies, Ourselves.

[sweetsappho]

OH NO, A TINY LITTLE STRING I AM HORRIFIED

[heavyflowproblems]

I get constipated and can't poop but then I get nervous and it's like I have the runs

Yup. My life. Really try to work on being as regular as you can with your bowel movements. You feel much better when you do. Take extra fiber (apparently no one really gets enough fiber), but don’t keep using laxatives. Only in extreme moderation.