𝑺𝑯𝑬 , 𝑨 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑫𝑬𝑹𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺 / she , a nesting doll , a hollowness so devoid that at any moment the world could cave in , tumble inside and leave her the same , empty and alone. the spark in her eye had long since fled , we are what we believe and in the tepid heart of her , half absolved of warmth belief was granted to the tangible things she had known. the lingering sorrow , the gentler cousin of grief , there is a mourning nested somewhere close to her spine , where no one can reach it. twisted up in the way that apathy has a way of bending you into a new shape. CONCEPT: she , lain in the field , flowers grow from the empty spaces of her ribs , there is something like absolution resting on her tongue , it tastes of gold. CONCEPT: her hoard of bitterness is buried at last , the sign of someone who’s survived renamed , rebranded: here lies laura moon , all that she was and all she ever would be. CONCEPT: there is something light in her stare , it seems to say , there is a dizzying , wet greyness here , it is mindless and churning and in it there seems to be an infinite potential for growth. CONCEPT: just another dead girl in a field. the maggots are calling.
his words would be a slap in the face if she were anything less than practical. laura moon is a liar and a cheat , these things are both true. laura moon had never deceived him but once. this is also true. THE QUIET SPACES OF THEIR LIFE. for it had been theirs , jointly , tied together through choice and circumstances. she had never claimed to be someone she was not. the liquor in front of her has no taste. she looks at shadow , the depth of his eyes , his heavy gaze. she thinks , there is hunger here. lining her veins , matching the beat of her heart. THERE IS A PULSE HERE. between them , something aching and sharp. she opens her mouth to speak , poetry in mind , something soft and worthy of his warmth. a perfect novel moment where she says something effusive with affection and it all RESETS like she hadn’t died cheating on him. as if their life had been a game. what comes from her mouth is barbed , A KNIFE FIGHT. honest in it’s bald transparency. “ makes it hard to pretend i’m better than i am when you have to look me in the face. “ it’s not aggressive , not angry , gentle as the massacre of suns , soft as the yielding of grass underfoot. “ puppy , close your eyes ? “ WILLFUL IGNORANCE WAS NOT A PILL SHE’D THOUGHT TO SWALLOW. no spoonful of sugar to help it go down. “ just this once. let’s pretend. “
body turns on bar stool , animated suddenly , energy injected into dead flesh , eyes reflecting light that seems almost alive. “ c’mon , close your eyes ! “ and it’s a demand , couched in something tender , couched in humor , something almost petulant. it is a tone that says: i am used to getting my way , you have never denied me. “ listen to me breathe , “ her head shakes , minute as she speaks , as if by willing this to be true she can turn back the hands of time. “ this is just another shitty night , in another shitty bar. the beer tastes like piss , i’m complaining about work. “ her hand reaches out , grips his sleeve , not touching skin , not breaking the illusion. “ you with me , puppy ? “
There’s a frustration to his exhale that is almost palpable . The way he turns his head away from her and straightens his back , giving up on keeping a hold on his wife’s gaze is so sudden ; these are clear signs of a man who has LOST MORE THAN JUST HIS WAY . Shadow Moon hadn’t meant to wound her with his words . He was upset about Robbie , sure he was . His wife had made him a promise : i will wait for you . A SACRIFICE TO MATCH HIS OWN . You’re freed of chains but must endure the same hollowness as I . At the time Shadow had thought his imprisonment to be an act of love . ━━ But it hadn’t been enough . He is still trying not to imagine Laura with him , even now as she sits before him , dead but not lifeless . Tries not to picture them naked on their bed or her arms wrapped around his neck . He tries because it’s not fair to her . He tries because losing her is worse than being cheated by her . HE TRIES ; BUT HE’S JUST A MAN.
He misses her when she’s there because he can see her fully . There’s no glow to her skin , no moistness on her lips or tongue , GODS he can even see the stitches peeking from under her shirt’s collar every now and a then and the first instinct is to ask her IF IT HURTS . It’s hard to pretend there is a chance for happiness by her side when Shadow can see THE END IN LAURA’S PALE STARE . She asks him to shut his eyes . She asks again and Shadow keeps his mouth shut and slowly closes them . He finds no comfort in her words . Instead a knot forms in his throat because he can’t SEE HER . And then that knot tightens when he tries to picture her in his head . DAMNED IF HE DOES , DAMNED IF HE DOESN’T .
“ Laura . ” The ex-con speaks his wife’s name but what he really means is STOP . Shadow ceases to entertain her fairly quickly . Laura’s hand is locked on his sleeve and , in return , his dark eyes are locked on hers’ . “ I’ve done nothing but pretend for these last three years . ” A larger rougher hand moves to rest upon Laura’s. She feels so cold and so still to the touch , Shadow has to tighten his grip around his wife’s flesh to make sure it was really there . “ This? ” He shook his head . “ We can’t fake this . ”
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