heatcheck (sm au) – idol au where you and heeseung spend two weeks on a reality tv show, going through challenges and forced interactions all while loudly hating each other. enemies to lovers fic.
thru the phone (drabble) – just listening to your man's voice is enough to cloud your senses and your judgement. so you don't even hesitate when he's asking to hear you.
wrong message (drabble) – heeseung’s feelings for you have been buried since the second you started dating his best friend, until one wrong message is shoving everything he’s been hiding back into his face and blurs the line between right and wrong.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ P. JONGSEONG
learn to shut up (drabble) – you can't stand him. never could, never cared to. he was obnoxious and an unforgiving asshole. somewhere along the line, though, your hatred morphed into sexual tension and now you can't keep your hands to yourself.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ S. JAEYUN
off the market (drabble series) – college au where you and jake meet at a party, hooking up before even exchanging names; then you're leaving without a trace. he does everything to get your attention and you do everything to convince yourself you're not interested. black cat x golden retriever energy.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ P. SUNGHOON
・exes to lovers drabble coming soon!
₊˚⊹ ᰔ K. SUNOO
・best friends to lovers fic coming soon!
₊˚⊹ ᰔ Y. JUNGWON
subject (a) (drabble series) – dating weston brown was supposed to be fake. jungwon needed the data; weston needed the grades. but, somewhere between tutoring sessions, parties, and kisses meant to kiss everyone else, the lines between pretending and wanting each other starts to disappear.
₊˚⊹ ᰔ N. RIKI
perfect fit (drabble) – you only knew riki through your roommate, the fuckbuddy who refused to claim her, but always seemed to be around. the two of you barely spoke outside of you telling him to stop eating your leftovers, and you liked it that way. until library duty sticks you together on a friday night... and he suddenly can't seem to keep his tall ass away from you.
burn out loser (drabble) – you're paired with riki nishimura as your lab partner. otherwise known as the stoner freak that everyone knew to avoid. you only have one focus, well two. get an a in the class then get as far from him as possible. but now that he's met you, riki wants nothing else but you. and riki always gets what he wants. pt2
If my ask was rude, please tell me, and if it was, I'm sorry I didn't want to be rude
no omg 😭 i didn’t take it as rude at all!!! i was just saying u can feel the same comfort reading my fics as u do others 💗 everyone (except minors LOL) are welcome!!! don’t worry at all babes!!!
Omg i love burn out loser so bad and I’m about to read ur jay fic. I just wanted to you’re one of my fav writers on Tumblr because it’s so hard to find K-pop, especially Enhypen fics with poc or black readers, and even more hard to find lengthy ones. I remember reading your jake smau for the first time and being really excited. As a black girl I don’t mind reading just regular x reader fics, but it feels good to be seen.
i’m so happy to hear u enjoy my fics!!! & yeah i feel the same way bc before i started writing i was mainly just reading and while all the works were good! i think it’s fun to play w what the oc would look like (i used to write bts smaus & id have a different woc as yn each time) also off the market is soo fun to write, im hoping to update it soon 💗✨ i can’t wait to hear what u think of the jay fic~
burn out loser (pt2): ❛you're paired with riki nishimura as your lab partner. otherwise known as the stoner freak that everyone knew to avoid. you only have one focus, well two. get an a in the class then get as far from him as possible. but now that he's met you, riki wants nothing else but you. and riki always gets what he wants. ❜ pt1
۶ৎpairing: stoner(artist)!riki x meangirl!reader
۶ৎgenre: smut. college au
۶ৎtw: smut (mdni!) hentai (description of nude drawings), slow burn, obsession, sexual tension, "will they won't they", riki is a yearnerrrr, mild marijuana use, suggestive themes, very slight emotional manipulation, explicit language, jealous riki nishimura.
۶ৎwc: 18.5k
an: i started writing what's now the third part before this and desperately wanted to show the progression of their relationship & the moments where their feelings start to grow for each other!! the scenes take place over 2-3 wks, which is why this is sooo long (omg) this was very very very fun to write & i hope u like it, please let me know what you think i love delving into the minds of the characters and the storyline! part three is in the works xo
the first few times you ask, riki ignores you completely without thinking twice about it. a blank stare set on his features as you spoke only to turn his attention back to his notes when you finished. not sparing a single word, just deciding that what you were asking him didn't deserve an answer. you can glare at him with that entitled little scowl all you wanted. he had grown accustomed to ignoring that too.
his eyes gravitate toward you before you've even fully entered the room wednesday afternoon. you're cooing obnoxiously with one of your friends, blowing kisses and promising to meet up for lunch; acting as if you were going off to war or something. he watches as you smile, fingers twirling the loose curl that rests against your cheek as you make your way to your shared desk. he's sure to keep his sketchbook tucked beneath his forearm as you inch closer, anticipating what you're planning on saying to him.
he's got his hood pulled over his sandy blonde hair, an earbud tucked neatly in his left ear. you're plopping down in the seat on his right, eyes drifting to the dramatic way he covered up his work – as if you gave a damn what he was doodling. you don't bother to mask your scoff, eyes rolling at how extra he was being over his stupid sketchbook. like you were planning on snatching it from him at any moment, so he had to guard it with his life. news flash, no one, especially not you, cared.
riki doesn't look up as you settle beside him, he's too focused on whatever he's drawing. long fingers moving lazily across the page, pencil scratching in quick, confident strokes that he never lets anyone see. and each brush of the pencil has your eyes flickering over, despite the fact you've decided you didn't care. and every time your eyes lift, riki is tilting his sketch book away. every single time.
your patience is snapping the fourth time he does it, an annoyed huff leaving your lips. “are you secretly bad at drawing or something?” you're hissing out in a whisper, eyes narrowed in his direction with your chin propped on the palm of your head.
he feels the way his mouth twitches involuntarily, amusement flashing across his features. the expression is quickly masked by his normal 'too bored' one, shoulders lifting in a shrug. “maybe,” anyone else would take that as a sign to stop pushing, but you weren't just anyone. your body turns in your chair, long legs folded at the knee as you stare him down.
“then why are you always drawing?” there's bite in your tone, the same way that there always is. because even though you were gearing up to ask him for something – you still had to keep up with that attitude of yours. riki doesn't even bother to look up at you before he's answering. “why are you always talking?” he says, voice even, bored. but you don't miss the smirk that lifts the corners of his lips.
you're rolling your eyes so hard he can hear it and that only has his grin growing wider, eyes staying fixed on his page. despite how rude he's being, you press on, because you were curious now, especially with how secretive he always was with that stupid book. and him telling you no so easily triggered your obsession with always getting your way, there was no way you'd let up now. you found it hard to believe that no one has ever seen one of his drawings so you didn't understand why you couldn't too.
riki was constantly drawing. during lectures, through lunch, in the halls when he should be in study hall. so many times you've seen him with his back pressed against a wall, his legs pulled toward to his chest, sketchbook resting in his lap and a blunt tucked behind his ear. and you also noticed that the book was hardly ever the same, that meant pages of pages of his drawings existed and he refused to show you a single one. it didn't seem the least bit fair to you.
you've caught glimpses before. dark shading, eyes, hands, strange twisting lines... but it's never enough to make out a full picture. and that drives you insane. especially because you could tell that his drawings were actually good. it was obvious from the little bits that you've seen and how confidently his hands moved across the page. there was no way he wasn't a good artist, so why was he gatekeeping it!?
“you're such an idiot,” the insult doesn't phase him in the slightest, after the weeks spent together – he's grown used to the way you were constantly slighting him. silence falls over the two of you just as the professor is stepping into the room and you move as if you've given up. flipping your laptop open and scrolling through your word doc until you find your last page of notes, straightening in your chair and turning your attention to the front of the room.
riki doesn't move. just keeps on drawing as if class wasn't about to start, as if he didn't need this information in order to pass, let alone be useful for your assignments. nine full minutes pass of rhythmic typing and the unmistakable drag of riki's pencil against his page, each swipe carrying an irritating amount of skill and you can't help but stare. eyes locked on the movement of his fingers. they were long, ridiculously long. silver rings wrapped around his index and middle. you were shocked to see how clean his nails were, neatly trimmed with a light shine like he actually went and got them done. intriguing.
long veins twist from his bony knuckles up the length of his arm and your eyes follow them until your gaze is dragging up to his face, shocked to see he was already staring at you. “one of us needs to be paying attention,” he says, eyes shifting to the front of the room where the professor drones on about molecular bonds or whatever. you ignore his words, had already learned that he didn't need to pay attention to know what was being taught. he'd repeated entire lectures on days you were sure he was fully dissociated. he didn't even need to take notes, that annoyed you too.
you're letting out another dramatic huff, shifting in your seat so you're facing him again. “okay, i don't care if you want to be all weird and mysterious.” you lie, arms crossed over your chest and subconsciously you angle your head just enough to peek over his arms in hopes of catching a glimpse of what he's working on. he has his book flipped over like he knew you'd never stop trying.
“you sound like you care,” his words come out through a laugh. he doesn't even bother hiding how funny he thinks all of this is, the fact that you're practically throwing a fit because he told you no. arms crossed and glossed lips stuck in a cute little pout, he's committing the expression to memory – the dozens of scenarios he could draw up flooding his thoughts.
his mind drifts, picturing how you'd look with that same pout except knelt down in front of him, cum smeared on your cheeks as you silently begged for more. he's making a mental note to start working on that as soon as he got home. “can you at least draw me something i can see?” it takes a second for riki to register what you're asking, his mind reeling with images of you. and when he does fully hear you, he doesn't answer right away, tossing the idea around in his head.
draw you something you could see. there would be no harm in that, right? it's not like riki wasn't capable of creating something neutral, as a matter of fact, the drawing he was hiding from you was the least bit sexual. it was a box of cigarettes, a girl hidden within the pack, smoking one. so he could draw you something tame, something that you could see just so you'd stop asking.
the only problem was riki considered each and every one of his drawings personal. they were sacred. showing you one would be the same as taking a magnify glass into the inner, darkest corners of his mind. but, looking at you now, riki was clearly seeing the reason why you always got your way. why everyone found it so hard to say no to you, because not only were you annoyingly persistent... you were also cute as hell.
his eyes bore into yours as the classroom hums quietly around you. keyboards clicking, chairs squeaking as the minutes tick by, soft chatter fills the room as the class is instructed to discuss today's notes with their partners, something you and riki never took part in. entirely his fault. somebody laughs too loud near the windows but neither of you look their way, riki is too busy sizing you up and you're daring him to say no again. your eyes never leave his for a second and staring at him so long, you can't help but notice the details that make him up.
long lashes guard his pretty dark eyes, the sharp line of his jaw that disappears beneath the collar of his faded gray hoodie. thick pink lips that you're only now realizing never appear chapped. beauty marks scattered all over his otherwise flawless skin. he looks calm, seemingly unaffected by the expectant look on your face. like he couldn't care less if rejecting your offer would disappoint you and that annoyed you, mainly because the expression looked so pretty on him.
his shoulder lifts after what feels like hours, that same smirk resting on his lips. “maybe,” you don't even give his words room to breathe before you're responding. “that's not an answer,” you scoff under your breath, kicking at his shoe lightly under the desk. he doesn't even flinch, shoulders lifting in another shrug as his lips purse to the side. “well, it's the one you got,” he says, watching the way you huff and roll your eyes before turning your attention back to your laptop.
riki doesn't miss the way you're pulling your lips back into that pout, long manicured fingers toying with the tiny heart charm hanging from your necklace. your lashes flutter while you read through the notes from the last few lectures on your computer, lips moving as your eyes scan over the words. your soft curls are pulled back in a complicated looking bun today instead of framing your face the way it usually does. you're not looking at him but he can still see the exact moment your face is relaxing, pretty features no longer scrunched up. and that has him rolling his eyes, flipping to a clean page of his sketchbook before reaching for his pencil.
he had fully intended to ignore your request. that was usually the best option when it came to you. if he ignored you long enough, you'd eventually start entertaining yourself and he could go back to doing whatever he was before you came up with your demands. the second the tip of his pencil is hitting the page though, his thoughts are proven wrong. his pencil slides easily across the paper, the familiar heat raising up the back of his neck.
the professor says something at the front of the room, calling attention back to him, but riki doesn't hear a single word. he's too focused on the version of you he was creating against this paper. his hands move faster than his thoughts, he's drawn and redrawn the lines of your face so much that he basically has them memorized. he's careful with drawing the curve of your jaw, the gentle slope of your nose and the permanent annoyed pout of your lips.
you're chewing absentmindedly at the edge of your thumb, brows pinched while you tried to keep up with the experiment that was being demonstrated in front of you. riki shades carefully beneath your lashes, jaw tightening slightly when you're laughing at something that's being said before your gaze drops to your laptop again, quickly typing a few sentences with your lower lip tucked between your teeth. you don't release it even when you're looking back up.
riki tries not too look too hard at you. he doesn't even need to. he's sure to keep his expression neutral as to not give anything away, but no matter how calm he looked – he was spiraling internally. because mapping out the details of your face forced honestly out of him. and riki hated the obvious truth that stared back at him. the things that he wasn't entirely ready to admit. like the fact he found your side profile especially beautiful, how he knew exactly the lines and dimples that appeared when you were scowling at him.
he especially hates how he's memorized your face enough to recreate it without effort.
the end of class rolls around before either of you know it and you had forgotten all about your denied request. mostly because riki had gone silent after rejecting you, scribbling in that stupid sketchbook and not sparing you a second's glance. not that he's ever had much to say before, but you can't help but notice that he was being quieter than usual. there was no teasing when you were raising your hand to answer every question, no sarcastic remark when you're reminding him of the reading required to finish the lab. not even a smirk when you're handed back last week's individual assignments and he received a perfect score.
he just draws. consistently.
it's the type of focus you're sure he saved only for his drawings, because you've never seen him this concentrated before. it's a world different from the lazy expression he normally wore as he pretended to study or sped through assignments. it was unsettling to witness. especially for an hour straight without any breaks.
the professor dismisses the class and you're pushing your laptop closed, easily shoving it into your purse as you stand. students flood noisily to the door and your eyes flicker to riki who has barely moved in the last hour. “did you even take notes?” his eyes lift to find yours after a second, hand gliding over the paper, adding his signature you're assuming, his eyes stayed on you.
“no,” he says simply, lifting his bag onto his shoulder as he stands from his chair. you're letting out another scoff. it's honestly becoming the only sound you're capable of making around him. “you're going to fail. and the last thing i need is for your lazy ass to drag me down with you,” you warn, shocked by the loud laugh that leaves his lips. “i'm smarter than you, princess. did you forget?” there's an unmistakable teasing to his tone that has you snorting softly, eyes rolling as he lifts his sketchbook from the table.
without a word he's ripping out the page he had been working on so secretly all class, extending his arm to hold it out to you. you're reaching for it wearily, surprised that he didn't snatch it back at the last second. your eyes are focusing on the image and you have to blink a few times in order to take in what you're looking at. even though it was embarrassingly clear what he had drawn. it's you. and it wasn't vague either. it was you. your exact side profile staring back at you on this sheet of paper that the boy you referred to as a brain dead loser handed to you.
“riki, this is...” you start, but the second your eyes are lifting you're being met with the slam of the door. “wait!” you call after him, despite the fact he can no longer hear you. you're scrambling to snatch up all your belongings, careful not to bend the drawing as you follow behind him, catching his tall frame turning the corner just as you're prying the door open. “are you serious...” you grumble, legs moving before you can think to chase after him, but you don't get very far before you're knocking right into someone.
soft hands keep you from hitting the floor, but your purse and all it's contents spill onto the tiles along with riki's picture. “whoa! slow down,” your best friend, isis is saying through a laugh, eyes scanning over the flustered expression on your face. “no need to rush, i'm right here.” she grins, ready to joke before her eyes are taking in your scattered belongings on the floor, gaze landing on the very obvious self portrait that lays among the mess.
“what's this?” she's bending down before you have the chance to react, plucking the picture up between her fingers and inspecting it like there was some secret code hidden within the lines. “it's nothing, i-” you start but she's shooting you a wide eyed expression that has your words catching. “is this you!?” she eyes the drawing carefully before doing the same to you, even going as far as to reach out to turn your head to the side, comparing the side profile of the photo with yours.
“oh my god. this is you. did riki draw this?” it's easy to guess, mainly because you spent so much time complaining about how his grades never suffered yet he spent all of his free time scribbling in his sketchbook. they all thought it was funny, how worked up you'd get when realizing he got a higher score than you without needing to put in any effort. but this photo was no joke, there was seriousness within each pencil stroke that just couldn't be ignored. “hello? riki gave this to you?” isis repeats when too long has passed of you not saying anything.
your shoulders are lifting in a shrug, reaching for the picture but she's just barely holding it out of your reach. you're huffing, bending down to pick up the rest of your stuff off of the floor. “yes, he did.” you say finally with a roll of your eyes, “now give it back before you-” she's cutting you off with a gasp, eyes wide and glued to the drawing. “the other girls need to see this,” she's saying, darting off before you can fully register what's going on. once you do, you're rushing behind her. “isis! oh my god, no.” your bodies weave through the students, turning quick corners and barely avoiding colliding with anyone.
isis is fast, you don't catch up with her until she's already outside rushing toward the table your friends always occupied at this time of day. and just your luck, they were all out there. clover sat with an expression entirely too focused for what she was doing, gluing press-on nails to the tips of her fingers. viki was typing away at her computer, eyes flashing between the screen and her written notes beside her working on the essay that was due at the end of the month. and like always, emmy was in her own little world – cuddling close to her boyfriend, jay, his arm set on her shoulders as he pressed kisses against her skin. loving every last giggle he's able to pull from her.
their eyes all slowly snap up when isis is reaching the table, slapping the drawing down in the center. for a second, no one says anything. isis is pointing dramatically across the table with one arm while holding you back with the other. “viki, you owe me fifty bucks. i was right!” brows raise at her words, everyone leaning forward to take a look at the piece of paper on the table.
viki is letting out a gasp, large eyes lifting up to look between you two. “oh my god. riki drew this?” isis is nodding, a proud smile on her face as if she were the one that drew it. “mhm!” she's extending her arm out toward viki, as you give up fighting against her, arms crossed over your chest. “pay up.” your eyes narrow, their words fully processing now.
“wait.” you're pointing between the two of them. “you bet that he'd draw me?” isis snorts, plopping down into the empty bench space, scooting over to make room for you to sit beside her. “no, of course not.” viki says as she reaches into her purse, to grab her wallet – counting out fifty dollars before sliding the cash across the table. her eyes flicker back over to you once isis takes it. “we bet that he's in love with you,”
your jaw drops, eyes blinking as snickers erupt around the table. “what?” you say, though you heard them loud and clear. “riki isn't in love with me,” your head shakes violently, hands waving in front of you like you're physically trying to reject their words. “he so is,” viki says with a laugh, gesturing toward the image that still rests on the table. “look at all the detailing, oh my god.”
emmy reaches for the drawing carefully, she lifts it by the edges oohing and ahhing like she's handling museum grade artwork instead of a normal sketch from some random college boy. “oh, he's head over heels in love.” she says with a gasp, which has jay leaning over to peek at the drawing himself. his brow raises slightly a soft scoff falling from his lips. “ehh, i could do that.” he says with a shrug.
clover is rolling her eyes at his words, “you couldn't, shut up.” she waves him off, extending her hand toward emmy. “let me see.” the drawing is handed across the table and clover holds it the same delicate way emmy had been, viki is leaning over too to get a better look at it. “wait! he even added that heart gem you sometimes put on your cheek.” her eyes snap up to inspect your features. “you're not even wearing one today,” she points out with a grin. “that means he's always paying attention to you. he's so in love, fuck.”
the drawing gets passed from clover to viki, back to emmy over to isis and that's when you're able to grab it, quickly tucking it between the pages of your textbook. “okay, that's enough.” you grumble, paying too much attention to carefully putting the photo away – sure not to bend any edges. it's tucked away safely, your book is closed over it and the conversation had moved on from you.
yet you could still see the drawing each time you blinked, how focused he looked while he was making it and the unmistakable redness at the tip of his ears when he was handing it to you. and the way your friends sounded so sure just by seeing the way he drew you, it didn't make sense. they were being ridiculous, obviously they were. completely and uttering ridiculous.
riki wasn't in love with you. he couldn't be. he was annoying, arrogant, lazy, impossible to work with. why would he be in love with you? the same boy that spent entire lectures spaced out in his sketchbook, showed up to study sessions high and never paid attention when he needed to. and you were the complete opposite of that, there was absolutely no reason for him to be in love with you.
the rest of the week rolls by like it normally would, long lectures, classes with your friends, arguing with riki over assignments, extra credit work. everything was seemingly normal, yet you felt different each time you were flipping open your notebook – being met with the drawing given to you mere days ago. it shouldn't effect you as much as it does. and for this long either, it had been days since riki had torn a page from his sketchbook, holding it out and walking away without any explanation. and he hadn't mentioned it since then, so why were you still replaying the moment like it was some type of profound development in your relationship?
nothing had changed, he was still annoying. still lazy. still attached to your chemistry grade in the most frustrating way. there was no reason why he was flooding your thoughts every few hours like he was anything more than a nuisance. you realize sometime saturday morning that the real problem wasn't the portrait, or the gross attention to detail, it was your friends. they had gotten in your head with that whole 'he's in love with you', nonsense and now you couldn't shake the possibility of that actually being true.
and how it could effect your grade in the future. no matter how many times you explained that riki was an artist and artists noticed things, they never let up. viki had even started referring to him as your 'future husband' each time you brought him up to complain. emmy and isis had somehow constructed an entire relationship timeline based solely on delusion. no wonder you couldn't get him out of your head, your friends made sure it was impossible.
the weekend passes in a blur, more studying, cramming. avoiding pointless hangouts with an excuse of needing to get your work done. in reality, you just needed to spend some time alone – get your feelings in order before you had to start up the school week again. and by monday morning you're more confused than you had been on wednesday when all of this started. you had texted riki twice this weekend, nothing major, everything to do with being lab partners, but you found yourself reading into his responses more than you normally would.
there was your first message friday night, it had taken him four hours to respond and you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing in the time that he wasn't answering you. more curious than anything, because you could only assume that he was focused on drawing – like he always was. and you couldn't help but wonder what he could possibly be drawing and if it had anything to do with you. even thinking that felt delusional. it was one portrait that you basically begged for, why would you spend hours drawing you after that?
anyway, the exchange went like this:
yn. (lab freak) | 21:36
did you take notes this morning?
i feel like im missing smth.
riki nishimura | 01:17
no.
and that was it. no follow up, no question on what you could possibly be missing. just two letters. two letters that took him four hours to type out by the way. you didn't see the message until the next day and it had you in a sour mood all morning, hence your sudden saturday realization of why you were feeling like this over a loser you really couldn't care less about. your damn friends and their teasing, to reiterate.
the next message was midday on sunday. he answered much faster this time, but still with the same level of dryness that you hadn't realized until now was in most of his messages.
yn. (lab freak) | 15:22
we need to be in class early tmrw.
idk what im missing
riki nishimura | 15:24
got u
again, that was it. and you spend much longer than you're willing to admit staring at your message log. eyes rolling with a scoff after a few minutes of staring had passed. yeah right, he was in love with you. he couldn't even hold a proper conversation with you, your friends were just chatting shit like they always did. you were repeating that thought all throughout your classes on monday, reminding yourself each time you caught a glimpse of him in the halls and it was working.
by the afternoon, the possibility was so far from your head it's almost laughable that you had even been considering it in the first place. it's six minutes before you should be meeting riki to go over the notes that you didn't have. you had every intention to be there on time, early even. but the vending machine in the left corner of the dining hall clearly had other plans for you.
“are you kidding me!?” you're grumbling, fingers punching against the numbers aggressively.
riki spots you the moment he's rounding the corner, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he takes lazy steps toward the chemistry lab. his head tilts as he watches you, taking in the annoyed expression on your features and the way you push the buttons of the vending machine repeatedly. you look hot, like you always do and he's not ashamed of the way his eyes travel over your body.
your shirt is simple. just a plain white short sleeved top, nothing flashy about it. but the way the fabric stretched tight over your frame, fitted enough to look intentional without making it seem like you tried too hard has him staring harder than he should be. the shirt stops several inches above your waist, highlighting the dip that he's imagined tracing with his hands more times than he can count. gold chains drape across your hips and stomach, glinting whenever you move.
the skirt you wear is even worse. its tiny, faded denim that looked a bit worn. and it rides up slightly higher on one thigh as you shift your weight, growing impatient with the machine you're fighting. it's becoming annoying how badly he wants to just bend you over and the fact that he can't, can only sketch the moment but he'd never know exactly how you felt beneath him.
honestly, everything about you had been annoying him lately. the way you glared at him, the pretty smiles you saved only for your friends, how close you sat without even realizing it, the sweet smell of your perfume. how you'd always appear in every face he drew – no matter how many times he swore he was done drawing you. yet he couldn't stop his brain from cataloging every last detail about you, storing them away for later. he's already mentally saving the annoyed expression you're wearing right now to use tonight.
“ugh seriously,” you groan, bending down to push the flap of the vending machine back, checking if any of your food had dropped out without you noticing. it hadn't. riki can't help the chuckle that falls from his lips, head shaking from side to side as he makes his way toward you.
you feel his warmth before you fully realize that it's him. one second you're fighting with a vending machine that clearly has some type of vendetta against you, and the next a hand is appearing beside your shoulder. long fingers bracing against glass and effectively enveloping you in his bubble. riki's hip bumps yours lightly, just enough to push you out of the way and you're suddenly aware of how close he is to you. his chest pressed to your shoulder, you can feel the rumble of his voice as he speaks.
“this machine eats bills. you have to use your card,” he's learned that one the hard way, hundreds of dollars wasted before he was putting two and two together. his words barely reach you at first, lips parting slightly as your head tilts up to look at him. and unfortunately seeing him this close undoes all of the mental preparation you've done all morning. because he looks good, effortlessly. and it was ridiculously annoying.
his red racing jacket hangs off his frame in way that should swallow him whole, but instead it does the opposite. the bright red of the fabric brings out the tan undertones of his skin – the pinkness of his lips. his sleeves are too long, bunched up at the elbow so you're able to see the silver jewelry that adorn his wrists and knuckles. you hate that you've started noticing his hands.
especially now because they seem to be everywhere lately. handing you erasers in the middle of lectures, turning pages in text books during study sessions, dragging through his messy sandy blond hair. resting against your waist in daydreams you refuse to examine too closely.
his baseball cap sits low over his eyes, shadowing the upper half of his face, leaving only the sharp line of his nose and mouth visible as he glances down at the payment screen. he's digging through his pocket with his free hand, pulling his wallet out wordlessly. tapping his heavy black card against the screen without even looking, fingers flying as he presses the same buttons you had been before. only this time the machine actually starts rumbling.
the sandwich falls first, chicken salad. and then your sparkling water. he presses a few more buttons, getting himself a protein bar and that shoots out immediately too. you watch as he crouches down, pushing the flap of the machine back to retrieve your items. he hands both of your things up with this annoying cocky smile, eyes glinting as you take it. “bon appetit,” he grins and you're rolling your eyes out of habit.
“thanks,” you mutter, the world coming out reluctantly. as if you're being physically forced to say it. and it's not like you don't appreciate his help, you would've been here all day if it wasn't for him. it's how annoyingly attractive he looked while helping and the fact that you weren't able to ignore it as easily anymore. “do you want me to pay you back?” the question barely leaves your mouth before he's letting out a short scoff through his nose.
“it was six bucks,” he says like you've suggested something genuinely ridiculous. you had. who would charge six dollars for anything? especially when he had voluntarily helped you. he could've kept walking, kept his six dollars to himself. of course you didn't need to pay him back. and he found it funny that you would even think that you needed to.
did your friends suck or something? he's tearing into his protein bar, taking a large bite before his head tilts toward the direction of the science hall. “come on,” he's already starting to walk ahead, back turning toward you like he was sure that you'd follow. “we need to study and we're already late,” he mocks the tone that you frequently use on him, walking forward and you stand there staring at the back of his head for a second. the thoughts that you had shooed away rushing back.
guys didn't just do favors for random girls out of nowhere, right? maybe your friends weren't so far off, because six dollars wasn't a lot, right – but he could've just kept walking. he saw you fumbling and struggling and decided to stop and help you. that had to mean something in guy world, right?
you've decided to use the time you spent with riki as an opportunity to gather evidence of whether or not your friends' hypothesis of him being in love with you were in fact correct. it started with his rescue at the vending machine, creating a possible yes. he helped you figure out your notes, being way more attentive than you've ever seen him before. another yes. but then he ignored you for the rest of the day, even when you waved at him across the hall. back to no.
tuesday morning you texted him to meet in the quad, you needed his half of the packet in order to perfect yours. he didn't text back, so no. but then he was there waiting before you even got to school, so back to yes. he texted you tuesday night, a funny video that related to a comment you made days ago. big yes. but then he left you on read right after that, so back to no.
and we could never forget each time he rejected your requests to see his sketchbook, those were the biggest no's if you've ever seen them before. so by the time wednesday was rolling around, you were more confused than ever. and it wasn't even like you had feelings for riki, he was still everything that you decided he was when you were first meeting him. you just hated the ambiguity of it all. because why would he draw you with so much detail, but then ignore you immediately after?
it didn't make sense. he didn't make sense.
the two of you occupy your usual table near the back of the room. professor alexander has a video playing at the front of the room about reaction rates, but everyone is mainly doing their own thing. except you, you're taking notes. raising your hand and requesting bits to be replayed as you typed rhythmically. riki is drawing beside you, head bowed and arm guarding his book like it always does.
the fact that he somehow maintains his academic rank despite spending every lecture doodling remains one of the greatest injustices you've ever witnessed and you'd never stop mentioning it for as long as you were forced to know him. still, you take your notes peacefully. gliding the cursor over important sentences to highlight them, adding comments in the margins. these were good notes. maybe some of the best notes you've ever taken, so your annoyance when someone is calling your name is justified.
you're glancing up with furrowed brows riki's head lifting along with yours. jungwon stands at the edge of your desk. you recognize him from your physics class. he was smart, funny, and almost as high strung as you. his dimples pop as he smiles at you, hair swishing to the side as he tilts his head. “a couple of us are going to trivia night friday,” he says it like you're meant to do something with the information, you're nodding slightly.
“okay.”
for a second, his eyes drift to riki and you're following his gaze, missing the way he had been frowning because he's quickly dropping his attention back to his sketchbook. “you should come,” he offers and you already feel the pull to say no, but you're stuck with the disappointment that you know will come with it. it's not like you didn't want to, just that you saved friday's to go to the gym, catch up on homework... and the fact that you hated trivia. but then again, jungwon was kind enough to invite you. and there had to be a reason why he was thinking of you of all people to join his group.
what could be the harm? you haven't gone out in a while. “sure,”
jungwon's smile brightens, “seriously?” you can't help but laugh at his excitement, head bobbing in a nod. “yeah, it could be fun.” he's nodding along with you in agreement, finger typing away at his phone before he's extending it out to you – the screen prompting you to put your number in. “it will be, i'll text you about it.” a few more words are exchanged between the two of you before he's turning to head back toward his seat.
the moment he's out of earshot, riki is letting out a scoff. you turned to find him sitting there with his nose scrunched as if he just smelled something unpleasant. your brow lifts as you stare at him, “what's your problem?” his shoulders lift in a shrug, head dropping back down to shade the edges of his drawing. “thought you didn't like trivia,” he mumbles and you don't miss the pout that forms on his lips. you ignore how cute the expression is, focusing on how he could possibly know you didn't like trivia.
“what are you talking about?”
his eyes lift with a huff, wrist quickly flipping his sketchbook closed so he can lean back in his chair. “you don't like trivia.” the statement falls from his lips with complete certainty. like he's simply informing you of a fact. one plus one is two. the sky is blue. the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. and you did not like trivia. still, you feel the need to defend yourself. “yes, i do.”
riki's eyes roll immediately. “no you don't,” he counters and his confidence annoys you. “since when do you know that i like?” you challenge. the expression on his face suggest you're the one being unreasonable. questioning something that the both of you knew to be true. “you literally told me.” he recalls the conversation perfectly, it hadn't been entirely deep or anything of the sort. but it was a fact. and maybe it was a terrible habit of his, but he could never seem to ignore the facts.
you're blinking up at him. “when did i tell you that?”
that has him letting out an annoyed huff. if you wanted to lie in order to go on a stupid date with jungwon, that was one thing. but acting like he didn't know what was true was a different type of annoying. “our second week as partners. like four months ago. one of the options for the lab of that week was to create a trivia game and you said you hated trivia because it was a lame way for dumb people to feel smart. and then you went on an entire rant about how real knowledge was in essays and research,” the conversation slowly comes back to you as he recounts it.
but he's not done. “and then, you went on about how escape rooms were a scam, that rant lasted for thirteen minutes before we were bringing it back to the assignment. i asked you how many escape rooms you had to fail, before you were deciding they were all scams and you yelled at me for going off topic. you. don't. like. trivia.” he slows down his last sentence, figuring you needed to hear it slowly for it to register in your brain. the silence stretches between the two of you as you stare at him with your mouth agape.
every single one of those things sounds exactly like something you would absolutely say. and the issue wasn't even that he proved you wrong, it was the fact that he had remembered something random you had said to him four months ago. you had forgotten literally five minutes after the words left your mouth, but he held onto them for a four full months. and somehow that was turning all your big no's regarding the hypothesis of your friends into absolute yeses.
you decide to keep your findings to yourself until you have real concrete evidence. right now you were working on hypotheticals, that wasn't enough to determine someone's feelings. especially someone as unreliable as riki nishimura. you're calling him that same night without even thinking twice about it, the chemistry assignment that had been given at the end of class was due in a few hours and you needed to make sure he had done his part. that was your excuse. a perfectly reasonable excuse.
the phone rings twice before his face appears on the screen. and immediately something inside of you feels off. because while you've seen riki every single day for the past four months, seeing him through your phone felt different. he was sitting on the floor beside his bed, one knee drawn up toward his chest while the phone was propped awkwardly against something out of frame. the lighting of his room dim and warm, creating pretty shadows along his jaw and cheekbones. his hair is messier than usual, his white tank top hanging loose around his shoulders.
he's staring back at you, glossy eyes scanning over your features and one thing becomes obvious as you watch him. he's smiling, like actually smiling, nothing like the annoying smirk he always seemed to wear. your eyes are narrowing at the sight of it. “what's wrong with you?” riki blinks, a soft chuckle falling from his lips as his eyes scan your features. “what do you mean?”
you're in your room from what he can tell, laying flat on your stomach with the phone angled just slightly above your head. you look pretty, hair cascading down your shoulders and an accusatory expression directed at him. lips perfectly glossed like they always are and he doesn't try to hide the way his eyes drift down to them. “why are you smiling like that?” your lip curls up and nose scrunches like you're disgusted by the idea of him experiencing any type of happiness.
he's laughing. it's such a pretty rare sound and hearing it reminds you instantly how stingy he was with his laughter. there was no way he'd just be giving laughs away right now, especially when there was absolutely nothing funny. realization dawns on you a minute too late. “oh my god,” you're leaning forward, glaring at him through the screen.
riki is leaning back as if you're able to jump through. “are you high?” the smile on his face widens as he nods his head up and down, but his words betray his movements. “maybe,” you're groaning, positive now that he hadn't even looked at the assignment let alone started it. he was too busy getting doped out on god knows what and you had like three hours before your work was due.
“you're unbelievable, riki.” he's blowing an obnoxious kiss in your direction before another string of laughter is leaving his lips. “thank you,” he doesn't even flinch at the scowl you send his way, proving just how far gone he was. “no. dude we have work due. did you even start it? what is wrong with you?” he's barely listening as you slip into one of your many lectures. “like it's one thing if you want to throw your life away, but don't drag me along with you, riki. why can't you just do you work when it's due? why do i always have to remind you, like-”
he's interrupting you before you can finish your next set of insults. “are we partners or are you the boss of me?” his head tilts to the side like he was genuinely curious about the answer to his question and that confuses you. “...what?” he repeats the words harmlessly, like the issue was you just didn't hear him correctly. you're blinking, brows furrowing slightly. “what are you talking about? we're partners...”
“okay then,” he says with a nod, “then relax. if you did your part, assume i did mine. you're not in charge, yn.” he reaches for something off screen, the neckline of his tank top drooping as he leans forward and you're catching a glimpse of the muscles stretched beneath his tanned skin hidden by the fabric of his shirt. your eyes are snapping back up to his face when he's shifting back into frame. “plus aren't you going on a fuck ass trivia date?” his lips wrap around his straw, cheeks hallowing as he sucks back big gulps from his milk tea.
“that's not until friday. and it's not a date,” he's setting his drink down, leaning against the edge of his bed. “well, don't take that out on me,” he says with a laugh, tongue running over his lower lip as his eyes trace over you. “i don't know what you're talking about. did you do the assignment or not?” you're ignoring the way his eyes on you makes your head spin, the question coming out sharper than you initially intended.
the smile never leaves his face. his head tilted back, toying with something between his fingers as you stare at him, waiting. it takes a few seconds for you to realize that he has no intention of answering you. “riki.” he hums vaguely, barely focused on the issue at hand. he's just staring at you like a weirdo. you're rolling your eyes, head shaking. “oh my god.” you huff. “it's due in three hours, three.” you hold your fingers up for emphasis and riki's head bobs in a nod.
his gaze shifts lower for a second, lingering below your nose and you watch the way his lashes flutter, teeth tugging at his lower lip as his gaze drags back up to your eyes. you don't dare to delve into what he could be thinking. you stay focused to what's safe. “and did you hear that professor will be taking points off if our formatting is wrong? make sure to double check yours. it needs to be done tonight, you're not going to have time if you're focused on cosplaying as a stoner loser,”
riki's shoulders shake with laughter, “how much time do you think you spend worrying about me?” he asks with a grin, eyes traveling down the length of your neck noticing the way your tits press against the fabric of your shirt and you're shifting before he can decipher whether or not you're wearing a bra. “i'm not worried about you, riki. you can flunk out of life for all i care, my grade is attached to yours, that's the issue.” he likes the way your head tilts when you feel like you're telling him off.
“should i kick it into gear then? if i start trying as hard as you do, there's no way you'd be able to keep up.” you know he's talking about grades, but the way his eyes linger on your mouth has you thinking there's something else hidden in his words. you're ignoring that too. “if you just tell me whether or not you're done or almost done, i'll leave you alone,” his lips push out in a pout, heading leaning to the side slightly as he feigns disappointment.
“aw, but you're not killing my high at all,” he fake coos, pout shifting into a grin when he watches the way your face twists. he knew exactly how to push your buttons, he loved how easily he was able to rile you up. it's like everything he did got under your skin in the best way. “ugh, do you see how insufferable you are!?” your reaching up to tug your hair back and his eyes are shooting down quickly, peeking at your chest before rushing back up to your face. no bra, hm. he's saving that away for later.
you're taking his silence as your cue to hurl more insults his way, you're three sentences in when you realize that he's definitely not listening to you. just staring absently at your mouth as you speak. that has your words slowing, confusion making it's way into your tone. “okay. what are you looking at?” you snap, earning a line of snickers from him.
“your lips,” he says it like its the most obvious thing in the world, gesturing vaguely at the screen. “they're nice.” he decides to keep it tame, because what was actually at the tip of his tongue would've earned him a swift end to the call and a restraining order the next day, he was sure of it. “that's such a weird thing to say,” you're scoffing but he doesn't miss the soft pink that lifts on your cheeks.
he's nodding easily, “i'm aware.”
“then why would you even say that?” his gaze hasn't lifted from your lips once actually, it seemed like he was looking at them more intently since he had admitted that he was. “because i was thinking it,” he shrugs, tongue tracing over his own lips as he stares at yours. and you feel the heat of his stare even through the screen, it's enough to have you shifting on your bed, trying to soothe some of the tension rising in your stomach.
“you're high,” you point out, more so for yourself than to him. he's laughing, nodding quickly. “you're so smart,” he smiles and you're continuing on without missing a bit. “a normal person would've just kept that thought to themselves,” dark eyes roll down at you, his shoulders lifting in a shrug and plump lips puckering out, “oops.” despite yourself, you're letting out a laugh. it's how cute he looks with that expression on his face, like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
and his laughter follows yours, warm and clearly amused. undeniably pleased with himself because for the first time in how ever long he's known you, this was the first time that you looked relax talking to him. although, it only lasted a few seconds – he'd take it. your eyes lift to find his after the laughter had died down and he doesn't look the least bit embarrassed.
he just settles deeper against the side of his bed, a satisfied smirk on his lips as he watches you. “your turn, compliment me.” he says after a minute. the words catch you off guard, forcing your brows to shoot up. he sounds so casual as he speaks too, as if he was asking you something simple like 'pass the salt'. like he hadn't just spent the last ten minutes openly checking you out and now was asking you to do the same.
but no matter how cute he looked in that one moment, you weren't one to fall for his gimmicks. there was a reason why you were suffering through this phone call in the first place. “did you finish the assignment or not?” his smile doesn't falter, not for a second. one shoulder lifts, then drops. “maybe, maybe not.” you're letting out a huff, that he quickly joins already predicting the sounds you make when you're annoyed with him. “riki.” you warn.
“i'll tell you once i get my compliment,” on screen, he's reaching forward again, leaning over lifting slightly to reach the top of the desk beside him. you watch as he gathers supplies slowly, tucking each item in his palm before searching through loose sheets of paper for the next. rolling paper. grinder. lighter. lastly he's grabbing a tray littered with clumps of weed.
riki plops back down onto his butt, being met with your glare. “do you really think you should be getting more high right now?” there's obvious judgment in your tone that he chooses to ignore. his gaze flicks upward, long fingers plucking up a few pieces of flower before dropping them into the grinder. “i'll definitely take your opinion into consideration,” he grins, twisting his wrists to work the metal between his hands.
you're groaning, flopping backward against the pillow. “we're so going to fail,” you sigh, hands reaching up to swipe across your face. on the screen, riki looks entirely too comfortable with your distress. you hadn't missed the way his tank top stretches across his chest, his collarbones on full display covered by the silver chains he never seemed to take off. the worst part is how focused he looks rolling another blunt for himself.
you've seen the same look of concentration on his face countless times before, usually saved for when he was drawing. hands steady as always, moving with the same confidence that they always do. his tongue briefly presses against the inside of his cheek as he works and you hate the way your eyes follow the movement of it, watching closely as the tip of his tongue traces his lips.
“come on,” he says, voice forcing your attention upward. “one compliment,” he's not looking at you, one hundred percent focused on sprinkling the freshly ground weed onto the rolling paper. “am i so bad that you can't even think of one?” your lips twist to the side as you look him over, it wasn't like you couldn't come up with a compliment for him. you weren't blind, everyone on campus knew how attractive riki was. it was his attitude that kept all the girls away, not his face, he was hot. objectively of course. but you'd never say that out loud.
instead, you watch him carefully. the paper rests against his knee while his hands move with practiced ease. his fingers work automatically, rolling and adjusting without needing to look down for more than a second at a time. you find yourself watching him longer than necessary, then for a few more seconds after that just in case. his rings catch the warm glow of his lamp off in the distance each time his wrist twists. his thumb smoothing across the paper before he's bringing it toward his lips.
the tip of his tongue brushes across the edge of the paper and you don't miss the way his eyes flicker up to you as it does, forcing a gasp from your lips. his brow furrows, fake confusion riddling his features as he watches you act like you hadn't been staring. “you really have nothing for me? don't you want to know if we're going to pass or fail?” he doesn't even care that it feels like he's begging for a compliment, because he was curious. you were so loose with the insults you had for him, but he knew there had to be something else to go along with all of that.
“you're literally holding my chemistry grade hostage,” you point out and he nods happily, thumb flicking against his lighter before running the fire across the body of his blunt. he's lighting the end without wasting another second, bringing one end to his lips as he does. “so what's it going to be, princess? are we releasing the hostages or is this a suicide mission?” his brow lifts, inhaling deeply with his blunt pressed to his lips.
you're rolling your eyes. “you're so lame,” you say through an amused sigh. you sit there for a short while, watching him inhale and exhale, his lips puckering as he blows smoke from them. he reaches off screen to shake the ash off every few puffs before sinking back against his bed. riki doesn't take his eyes off of you the entire time, watching you through his long lashes patiently. “ugh, fine.” you're finally saying, earning a satisfied grin from him.
“remember last year? when your hair was black, that looked good,” he can't help the laugh that escape his lips, leave it to you to insult and compliment him all at the same time. “that's not a compliment.” he points out, because you know it's not. but because you're so stubbornly you, you're standing ten toes behind your lame attempt to get your way. “it is,” your arms cross over your chest, jaw set like you were begging for him to challenge you.
and he was never one to back down from a challenge. “no. that's you complimenting a version of me that literally doesn't exist anymore,” your shoulders lift in a quick shrug. “still counts.” he's snorting, deciding that he was finished with his blunt, he presses the end into the tray by his thigh. “you're basically saying i looked better a year ago... and why do you even know what i looked like a year ago? we just met,” it's not like it was impossible for you to have seen him before, but you didn't strike him as the type to notice anyone who didn't fall in your immediate circle.
so spotting him, seeing his hair, deciding you liked it and committing to memory seemed very out of character for you. your mouth opens to defend yourself, but you're quickly realizing that you had nothing to say to justify how or why you'd remember what he looked like last year. nothing that wouldn't give away the fact that you thought he was cute the first time you saw him, developed a tiny crush that was quickly snuffed out when you found out how much of a slacker he was.
“should i pretend this doesn't mean you've been keeping tabs on me?” he teases after you've been quiet for too long and you're groaning, eyes rolling as you pull the phone away from your face. you can hear his laughter through the speaker, body feeling warm enough that he's hunching over to the side as his laughs shake his body. you find him laying on his side when you lift the phone back up, a silly smile on his lips. he's instantly spotting the embarrassed flush of your cheeks.
“relax, princess. i spotted you the first day of freshmen year,” he confesses, but doesn't give you a moment to react before he's changing the subject. “and i finished my part like an hour after it was assigned. i'll email you,” he's deciding that's the end of the conversation, finger pressing against the red button on the screen before you're able to get a goodbye in.
thursday afternoon you're finding riki sat with his friends in the center of the student union. it's loud enough to make concentrating impossible, chatter from the groups scattered around the building creating a unbalanced hum, someone plays music from a speaker, a group of freshmen argue over a card game by the window. the smell of coffee and french fries sits permanently in the air.
riki leans back comfortably in his chair, scrolling aimlessly through his phone while jake and sunghoon bicker about something or another. the thick review packet you had handed him this morning sits untouched in front of him and it was most likely going to stay that way until he decided that he was running out of time to finish it. jake spots you first, charging into the building with an all too serious expression on your face. his conversation with sunghoon dies as his eyes widen, “oh no.” sunghoon is following his gaze, a grin pulling across his lips. “oh here comes your wife,” he says, jutting his chin out to point in your direction.
it takes a moment before riki is realizing that they're talking to him, he's glancing over his shoulder quickly his eyes instantly finding you. purpose behind each kick of your long legs, your ponytail swings behind you with each step. your eyes are already zeroed on him as you walk, the pleats of your skirt shift around your thighs as you squeeze through tables making a beeline in his direction. a binder tucked beneath one arm, iced coffee gripped in your hand. he doesn't even need to guess why you're heading over to him and he's already bored.
“hi, yn.” he groans as you're setting the binder onto the table, pulling out the empty chair beside him and lowering yourself into it. you ignore his greeting, immediately pointing at the untouched review packet. “we need to study. i don't care if you think you can wing it,” jake averts his gaze as soon as he hears the sternness in your voice and sunghoon is deciding that his drink is the most fascinating thing in the world. riki stares blankly at you before his eyes are drifting to his friends for some sort of backup, only to realize they're both cowards.
“you guys are pathetic,” he grumbles. “we haven't even said anything!” jake defends and riki is scoffing, “that's the point.” they've heard riki complain about you enough to know to stay out of it. he described you as his personal academic probation officer and the fact that you were a certified ten did very little to take away from how annoying you got when it came to school work. it was funny enough when riki was just complaining about you, but actually witnessing it in person was far more entertaining. they were just smart enough not to get in the way of your line of fire.
you ignore them entirely. “when were you planning on studying?” he shrugs. “tomorrow,” he says it like it was a suggestion, because in all reality he hadn't put much thought into it. he figured he'd flip through the text book a few minutes before the test started and call it a day. that's what he did most of the time, but the fact that this test was a joint one – you weren't going to let his lazy efforts slide.
“the test is tomorrow, riki.” you point out and he nods, lips lifting to show off that stupid grin. “exactly.” he smiles and you're shaking your head, reaching over him to flip open the packet that you had given him. you could tell that he hadn't even bothered to open it since this morning. “this is a big test, riki. we need to get a good score,” that's what you always said, everything was a big deal. and that just didn't make sense, because if everything was a big deal – then nothing was.
his eyes drift over your features slowly, sliding down the length of your neck to dance over the lace collar of your shirt. a tiny cute bow rests between your breasts against the fabric and he imagines for a second his teeth tugging at it. “have you eaten anything yet?” his hand expertly shoves the packet aside as he turns fully in his chair to look down at you. your brows raise, “what are you talking about?”
“it's lunch time.” his eyes flicker toward your untouched coffee, then back up to your face. “did you eat?” for a moment you're genuinely confused, his sudden concern for whether or not you've eaten seemed unrelated to the very important matter at hand. “we need to study. i have no idea where you're at with any of this stuff. i'll worry about my stomach later,” across the table, sunghoon slowly lowers his drink. jake's face is scrunching up in pure confusion, because this interaction looks insane.
riki is pushing the packet away fully now, the thick pages knocking against sunghoon's fist. he quickly gets the hint, pulling the stack of papers from the table and setting it in his lap. riki catches the movement from the corner of his eye, a smirk spreading across his lips. “let's go eat,” you can’t focus on the way they’re so obviously hiding the packet from you, not when riki is standing from his seat, holding a large hand down to you.
“you want to get lunch?” he's nodding quickly, wiggling his fingers out to you. and you're reluctantly taking his hand, allowing him to pull you up from the seat. he ushers you in front of him, review packet completely forgotten as he leads you down the hall. “we're studying after,” you warn, a finger pointed in his direction. riki nods simply, hand ghosting over the small of your back as the two of you walk toward the dining hall.
emmy notices you first. one second she's following the others through the dining hall, her plate balanced on one hand while she texts expertly with the other, half listening to clover as she complains about her professor who she was positive was racist and sexist and that's why her grade was suffering. the next, her attention is catching on a familiar ponytail swishing through the crowd.
she almost lifts a hand to wave you over, before she's noticing who's trailing closely behind you. riki. of course. viki is egging clover on while isis and jay look for a good spot to sit, none of them paying attention to the breaking news that just entered the dining hall. “guys,” emmy calls, the hurried tone of her voice making them stop in their tracks. she's gesturing widely over at you, you're mid rant it seems and riki half listens with his hand on your waist – guiding you toward the array of food.
he nods along to what you're saying as if he's actually listening and that's shocking enough for your friends. most people gave up trying to follow your stream of consciousness after about thirty seconds, riki has apparently survived the entire walk across the union and from the looks of it, you weren't even close to wearing him down. they watch as he walks you to the serving line, reaching for the stack of empty plates to hand one over to you. and before you can finish whatever point you're making, riki is picking one of the better looking sandwiches from the selection, setting it down on your plate.
the gesture has your friends gaping. “is he serving her?” viki asks, head tilting to the side as he scoops some salad onto your plate. across the room, you hold your plate out for him, words still flowing from your lips without missing a beat and riki is positive you no longer care if he's listening, you enjoy the sound of your own voice way too much to notice either way.
the two of you are making your way to one of the empty tables hidden in the corner of the room without a second thought, you don't even realize your friends are also in the room as you settle onto the bench. the moment you're settling, you're rummaging through your bag to pull out your notes – spreading them over the table. isis is letting out an amused snort. “of course she would,” she comments, pushing a few fries past her lips.
you flip through highlighted pages, immediately launching into what can only be described as an impromptu study session. you didn't miss the way riki ditched his review packet back with his friends, but that wasn't going to stop you from reviewing. how foolish of him to think you wouldn't have copies of everything you needed to know for the test tomorrow. riki squirts a healthy amount of ketchup on his plate, mindlessly twirling a chicken strip in it before he's tearing a bite off.
he's barely listening as you drone on, his fingers lifting your wrapped straw from the table. riki's carefully tearing the plastic off before dropping it into your lemonade, gently pushing the glass toward you. and your friends eat up the silent gesture, nearly losing their minds when you're reaching for the cup almost immediately, taking a sip out of it like it's the most natural thing in the world. you're right back to reading before you've even set the glass back down and riki is shaking his head.
he says something to you that forces you to glare over at him and his shoulders are lifting in a careless shrug, eyes dropping to his plate as he shoves more food into his mouth. you try to continue reading but he shakes his head, body turning from you with each sentence you try to read. eventually, you're giving up, reaching down to unwrap your sandwich before taking a bite out of it. that has a smile spreading across his features, but he's frowning again when you're turning back to your notes.
the two of you continue like that through the entire hour. riki urging you to eat and ditch the notes while you tried to sneak little facts into your conversation. entirely in your own little bubble, you had no idea how domestic the two of you looked to any outsiders. your friends sat confused at the other side of the room, mini debates erupting on whether or not the two of you were together for real now, because from where they were sitting, you looked exactly like a couple that had no idea they were acting like one yet.
the sky opened up thirty minutes before the start of your first class. the insistent patter of rain hitting against the windows, roaring through every classroom on campus. the weather had apparently changed it's mind since you had checked the app this morning, it wasn't supposed to rain until after six. which is exactly why you dressed the way you had this morning. one of your favorite mini skirts and a leather tube top, you couldn't be more poorly dressed for the weather.
by the time you're stepping out of the library, the sky has turned an ugly gray. water slams against the pavement hard enough to blur the opposite side of campus. even still, you can make out the way students dart between buildings, backpacks lifted over their heads while they sprint through the puddles. you’re stuck in the doorway, staring into the storm knowing at some point you were going to have to suck it up. your class was on the other side of the campus, fifteen minutes away.
the wind blows wet droplets in your directions and you flinch as the cold water hits your skin. yeah, there was no way you'd be able to do this. “run. you can do it,” you hear from behind you, sarcastically encouraging and you're recognizing the voice before you're even turning around. riki. of course it was. this man was literally everywhere and you genuinely couldn't understand why.
he's stepping to stand beside you, eyes shamelessly dragging over your body. your tiny skirt hung low on your hips, revealing the chains and beads around your waist that he was quickly realizing were permanent. a strapless top that left your shoulders bare and he found it interesting how you were able to make shoulders distracting. gold jewelry hanging from your neck, wrists, fingers and even a cuff around your thigh. you definitely didn't bother to check the weather before leaving your room.
“maybe you can't do it,” he's taking back his statement, eyes drifting to how hard the rain was falling and how little clothes you were wearing. his doubt had a competitive fire lighting in your chest. “i can make it,” he's laughing at the obnoxiously determined look painting your features. “you'd make it about ten feet before eating shit,” he predicts, eyes dropping down to the heels that you're wearing. the sound of rain pounding harder against the pavement proves his point.
you stand there eyeing the storm while riki stands there watching you. students continue to rush past, grumbling about you both being in the way, but neither of you bother to move. it's like you're stuck in place, because the image of you attempting to run across campus ends one of three ways. a twisted ankle, a destroyed outfit or and this one came with either option – public humiliation. no thank you.
riki is letting out a sigh like he's accepted some terrible burden, he shifts and for a second you assume he's finally leaving you to figure this out without his scrutinizing stare. but he doesn't go far, just close enough to the building to toss his backpack inside, hands reaching up to tug at the zipper of his hoodie. you watch as he shrugs the garment off, revealing a black tank top that hangs loosely from his shoulders. the muscles of his arms flex as he balls up the sweater in his hands, dropping it onto your head.
“ow.” the fabric muffles your voice and riki is rolling his eyes. “it's cotton,” you reach up to yank it off of your head, “yeah, but it still hit me.” you're ready to shoot a glare up at him but he's already started walking away. stepping into the rain without a glance backward. and you have to blink a few times to ensure you were seeing him correctly. within seconds his dark shirt clings to his back, heavy droplets weighing down his once styled hair. he's soaked before he's even a foot away, but he doesn't react. his hands are shoved deep in his pockets as each step grows the distance between you.
oh this was definitely, without a doubt a yes. your eyes drop to the black hoodie in your hands, the entire exchange had to have lasted less than three seconds. he saw that you were in need of something and without asking he was providing it to you. despite the fact that it was a huge disadvantage to him. your friends weren't crazy, you were. and riki too. he better not get sick over this.
by the time you pull the sweater onto your body, he's halfway across the quad. sunghoon is catching up to him with an umbrella and you feel less bad about the warmth of his hoodie. the sleeves extend beyond your fingertips and you have to push them out of the way in order to tug the zipper up. the hem swallows your skirt entirely. you're flipping the hood up before taking a careful step forward, completely enveloped in the scent of him.
it's a mixture of his expensive smelling cologne, laundry detergent and weed. you've spent enough afternoons sat beside him to recognize he always smelled good. but being wrapped in it was entirely different. it was almost intoxicating and you can't help the way your eyes flutter as his scent brings along images of him standing this close, surrounding you instead of his hoodie.
later that day, riki spots you quicker than he's willing to admit. the halls are crowded between classes, students weaving in every direction, headphones covering their ears and coffee cups clutched in their hands. you're across the way, but it's like riki can hear your voice perfectly in his ear the second his eyes are finding you. his hoodie still swallows your frame, you've even rolled up the sleeves to make it more comfortable, as if you planned on keeping it on permanently. it falls almost to the middle of your thighs, turning what should be an over sized sweater to something that looks more like a dress. and he can't get over how good his hoodie looked on your body.
the fact that you could've taken it off hours ago lingers in his mind. the rain had stopped just before noon, the sun was out and you hadn't been outside since this morning. even still, you're walking the halls in something that smells like him. and the realization makes his stomach tighten unexpectedly. riki doesn't realize how hard he's staring until jake's words are coming to a halt, his eyes following his gaze.
a grin slowly spreading across his features. “oh,” riki already knows that tone and he's rolling his eyes before anything else could be said. his eyes drift over to jake who's staring at him with a knowing smirk on his lips, dramatically squinting toward the opposite side of the hall where you and clover are disappearing from view, still deep in conversation.
“isn't that your hoodie?” sunghoon finally looks up from his phone, catching a glimpse of you just before you're disappearing. he recognizes the sweater immediately, he's asked to borrow it about a million times and was met with the same answer every single time. his eyes narrow almost immediately, gaze shifting back to riki. “what the hell?” he doesn't even bother to hide how offended he is. “why is yn wearing your three-thousand-dollar hoodie?” it's the exact wording riki's used each and every time he's told sunghoon he couldn't borrow it.
“three thousand two hundred,” the correction leaves his mouth automatically and jake is closing his eyes, hand reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head. “we have to eat the rich,” he says it like there's no other choice and riki is snorting beside him. “you say that every other day,” his hand reaches up to push at his hair, it had dried since this morning laying a little too messily at the top of his head so he couldn't stop messing with it.
“because every other day you say something insane,” jake is glancing back in the direction that you had just disappeared in and sunghoon is quick to bring them back on track. “anyway. why?” he says with his arms crossed over his chest.
riki is letting out a soft laugh, shoving his hands into his pockets as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “it was raining. and she was wearing the tiniest skirt... so i let her borrow it,” it made sense at the time and honestly, it still made sense now. you made it to class without having to run and although he did get soaked, he had dried off by now.
no harm, no foul.
the explanation isn't enough to satisfy either of his friends, though. “borrow until when?” sunghoon presses, ready to claim his spot in line after you, if hoodies were just being handed out willy nilly. riki's answer should be immediate, a time frame of when he was going to get his clothes back, but in reality he hadn't given you one and he didn't really care to.
he's shrugging slightly, “i don't know.” the image flashes through his head again before he can manage to stop it. the too long sleeves rolled over your wrists, soft hem brushing your thighs and the way you were laughing with clover seeming undeniably comfortable in what you were wearing. and he beamed at the fact that it belonged to him. and he just loved knowing you were breathing him in each time you took a breath. the thought has a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “yeah, i don't know... she looks good in it,”
that has sunghoon erupting, his arms thrown up as he lets out a frustrated groan. “you have got to be kidding me,” he's quickly diving into a rant about fairness and friendship and how sharing was caring, arms flying around as he dated their entire friendship and all of the sacrifices he's made in the past and how this moment was actively shaping their future. riki is only half listening, he's too busy imagining what you'd look like wrapped in his hoodie but on top of him. how easy it would be to push it up to fuck into you. he could picture the way he'd go crazy nuzzling his face in your neck and smelling himself against your skin.
jake can tell how far gone his friend is just by looking, eyes barely focused as sunghoon rants and he knows that he’s somewhere else. it's concerning because in the years he's known riki, he's never seen him this interested in a girl. it's been months of this silent pining after you when the riki he knew would've gotten it done in a day or two. and the slow burn of it all had jake believing that there was something entirely else there.
“i need to smoke,” jake's interrupting act two of sunghoon's speech, reaching behind his ear to pull a pre-roll free. that catches both boys attention better than he had expected. “let's go out to my car, i have like three i haven't finished.” riki says and the three of them make their way toward the double doors. the sidewalks still glisten beneath the sun, water dripping from the tree branches overhead. jake holds his blunt between his lips, lighting it carefully before inhaling sharply. he lets the smoke hit his lungs, circulating before he's exhaling through his nose. he repeats the action two more times before he's holding his hand out to riki.
who takes it without hesitation and as he's bringing the unlit end to his lips, jake is asking the question they've all been too afraid to say out loud. “do you have feelings for yn?” the words hit riki deep in his chest, but he doesn't let himself think too deeply on it. instead, he's letting a laugh fall from his lips. a real genuine laugh that only dies when he's fitting the blunt between his lips again, taking a long drag from it. jake and sunghoon exchange a look across him, neither of them cracking the slightest of smiles. because that was answer enough and his silence after just solidified it.
riki doesn't say anything else the entire walk to his car, handing the blunt over to sunghoon and tucking his hand deep into his pocket, jake's words still linger in his mind and the fact that he truly had no other answer besides the one that he gave. and he's not even sure what's funny anymore.
riki has made a skill out of drawing you from memory. his pencil moves the moment he's sat in his room, comfortably slumped at his desk. the familiar lines of your face appearing before he even had the chance to do anything about it. every time he closed his eyes, he can still see exactly how you looked this afternoon, his hoodie covering your body. and he can't keep himself from detailing the exact image, the way the over sized shoulders hung lower than they should've, the sleeves that you had to keep rolling up. how he was fully imagining that you had nothing else underneath and all he had to do was tug a zipper to reveal your body to his greedy eyes.
you're laying back on his bed in the drawing, lip tucked between your teeth, brows knitted as obvious focus takes over your features. your hair is down in the drawing, tangled and messy in a way that it never is but he craved to see. legs spread as you lean back, the tips of your fingers peeking from the too long sleeves to reach between them. his breath hitches as his pencil moves lower, one of your hands holding the hoodie out of the way so he can watch your fingers move between your legs.
he feels the way his jeans tighten as his pencil creates the lines of your pussy, cute and dripping as always. you're making a mess on the sheets below you, arousal dripping from the tip of your fingers and he wanted so desperately to be able to suck it off. his hand reaches below his desk as his phone buzzes, the vibration rattling across the wood. his eyes shift toward it, widening when he sees your name flash on his screen.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:42
ill bring ur hoodie back tmrw
a smile immediately tugs at the corner of his lips. of course you'd be up worrying about returning his things when you should definitely be asleep. he could guess that you just finished studying too. he's typing the next two words before he can talk himself out of it, eyes flickering up to the half finished drawing of you on his desk.
riki nishimura | 00:44
keep it.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:44
are you insane?
this is a three thousand dollar hoodie.
riki laughs quietly to himself. he found it funny how the first thing you'd think of is looking up how much it cost and needing to return it back as quickly as possible now that you knew. he can practically picture you sitting there with your brows pulled together, offended on principle by the existence of a three-thousand-dollar hoodie even existing. he's nudging his drawing to the side slightly, lifting his phone with both hands before leaning back against his chair.
he can hear the way you roll your eyes through the screen and that has him grinning, pleased that he's able to annoy you even through text. he's setting his phone down, deciding that was the end of the conversation as he lifts his pencil from his desk. he's back to outlining the folds of your pussy, the way your fingers hold your lips out of his way. shading carefully to make it obvious how soft he knew you'd be. his phone is buzzing again before he can move onto your thighs.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:59
ill wash it then bring it to u
should i have it dry cleaned?
riki stares at the message for a second before laughing. you really do take everything so seriously. the hoodie had been hanging in his closet next to several others almost exactly like it three days ago. he had dropped it on your head without even thinking twice about it and if you had dropped it in a puddle he probably wouldn't have noticed until next week.
meanwhile here you were researching the specific care instructions for the garment.
riki nishimura | 01:02
why would u dry clean it
yn. (lab freak) | 01:02
bc its THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!?
riki nishimura | 01:05
relax
i got it so long ago
its prob not even worth that much anymore
yn. (lab freak) | 01:06
easy for u to say
not all of us can spend rent money on sweaters
like its nothing
riki nishimura | 01:07
its a nice sweater???
yn. (lab freak) | 01:08
i genuinely hate talking to u
the grin stays on his face as his eyes drift toward his drawing of you staring back at him on his table. he's not sure when it happened, but conversations with you somehow have become more entertaining than drawing. which is saying something.
riki nishimura | 01:10
just keep it
yn. (lab freak) | 01:11
no
i can't.
riki nishimura | 01:11
yes u can
yn. (lab freak) | 01:13
why?
his mind drifts briefly to the memory that had him sat at his drawing desk in the first place. the reason why he wanted you to keep a hoodie that he wouldn't even let his friends breathe too hard near. it's the image of you walking the hallway, sleeves rolled up and the over sized fit. completely unaware how you looked to him, how it felt to have some sort of claim over you when all he could manage were these midnight drawings.
he liked seeing you wrapped up in something of his. it made the hundreds of drawings of you feel less pathetic, because at least when you were wearing his hoodie it was something real. tangible. there was no denying who it belonged to and he could easily convince himself that you liked the feeling of being wrapped up in him just as much as he liked seeing it. his thumbs hover over the keyboard, teeth tugging over his lower lip as he carefully types out each letter. he's locking his phone as soon as he's pressed send, walking away from it as if it'd detonate at any given moment.
the text comes through your phone immediately and you can't help the tug you feel in your chest. your eyes drift to the mirror perched at the side of the room, taking in the way his hoodie looks on your body, trying to see what you looked like in it to him. what could possibly be making him this persistent and the longer you looked, the scent of him tickling your nose with each turn of your head – his reasoning became extremely apparent. and it was much deeper than the words on your screen.
riki nishimura | 01:15
it looks good on u
the next few days felt different between the two of you. nothing had inherently changed, though. you still sat beside each other in class, still argued about assignments. still exchanged the same sarcastic remarks that had become second nature after months of being lab partners. if anything, the dynamic looked exactly the same from the outside. the problem was you and the fact that you couldn't stop noticing things now. rating everything on a yes/no scale, reading too deep into every one of your interactions, every text, every glance. it was slowly driving you insane.
because whatever research you had been doing on your relationship had shifted from just that, to you just watching him. noticing him. you first realize the shift during one of your study sessions in the library. you're halfway through reviewing practice questions, reading the questions out loud and assuming that the boy beside you was following along. when your gaze shifts to where he sits, you find riki with his sketchbook open over his textbook, pencil moving lazily across the page while he absentmindedly nodded his head to your words.
he looked like he was paying attention, taking notes even, but from a closer view you could see that was so far from the case. he was drawing, of course, and you don't miss the fact he always seemed so calm whenever he drew. you're able to peek over just enough before he's instinctively cupping his right arm around his book – the left not missing a beat. what you did see was pretty, a hand almost identical to his own holding up a shard of glass looking at the reflection. he was actively shading the eye in, but you could tell that it was meant to be him.
you spend longer than you're willing to admit watching his hands, the ease of every stroke, his confidence in every line making each one feel intentional. he switched his rings today, still silver but bulkier. a large cross rests on his middle finger, another one that looks like teeth on his thumb. there's simple bands stacked randomly on either hand and they glint with each twist of his wrists. it takes a moment for you to snap out of it, to realize that there was work that needed to be done and he was neglecting it right now.
“riki. are you even paying attention?” he nods without even looking at you, assuming that you're deep into the reading like you had been just a moment ago. he looks up when you're not saying anything else, brow raising at the annoyed expression on your features. he hadn't even truly done anything this time, but still his face is shifting into a pretty grin. “what chapter are we on?” he's asking with a tilt of his head, letting a soft laugh fall from his lips.
“you're such an idiot,” his laugh echos through the library and you hate how the sound effects you, ever since the facetime call where he was high, he's been laughing more freely around you. so much that you're able to decipher his different types of laughs and whether or not they were genuine.
the library sessions only became worse after that. most days studying no longer feeling as productive as it should. you spent more time rereading the same sentences or trying not to look at him than you did actually absorbing the information. even still, you met up. notes still spread across the tables, creating review packets only to half do them. you still met up consistently, still convinced yourself that the purpose of it was entirely academic. yet every other meeting seemed to end with less and less space between the two of you than when it first started.
there was one afternoon in particular that stuck in your mind for longer than you had intended. you had been reading through the review packet, testing him while he only half listened, his attention deep in his phone but he insisted that he was paying attention. one moment you were deep into your work and before you knew it your bare thigh rested lightly against his beneath the table. which shouldn't be that big of a deal, the two of you sat close together before – but this closeness had your heart hammering.
and every time he lifted his arm, his knuckles brushed your skin. every time he shifted closer to look at something on your screen, you felt his breath brushing against your shoulder and it made you painfully aware of how little distance separated you. and how being this close to him felt so natural that whenever he was deciding to give you some space, you were quick to close the gap once again.
riki never seemed to stop looking at you, either. his eyes shifting to your lips whenever you spoke to him and you don't miss the way they would linger. which wasn't out of the ordinary, but he was done pretending that he wasn't staring. tongue tracing his lower lip as he watches the way yours move. his fingers always seemed to ghost over your skin, whether it was your thighs, your shoulders, or your waist – it was like he was constantly fighting the urge to touch you.
he was testing your boundaries, seeing how much he could push before you were scoffing and pushing him off. but much to his surprise, you hardly ever were. no matter how much space he closed between you two, how close his fingers got to your skin, you were never backing down. in fact, it seemed like you were waiting expectantly for him to do something.
like actually. but the issue was he wasn't sure, so much of your relationship existed inside of his head he couldn't trust the way you sat too close or the subtle tone hidden within your words. he needed concrete proof before he was crossing any lines and he felt his chances were extremely low.
by the end of the week, even ordinary conversations felt different. one morning you spotted him across campus while you were walking toward the dining hall with jungwon. the two of you had been hanging out a lot more since you dominated trivia night, he was actually a lot of fun to be around. the both of you saw life the same and it was nice to talk to someone that you knew was on the same wave length as you. your books are tucked against jungwon's chest, his bag hanging off of his shoulder as you babble on about the physics lecture you just left. and then, without thinking you're lifting your hand to wave riki over.
he had been walking the other way, a hand shoved in his pocket while the other scrolled through the phone. but when his eyes are landing on you, he's changing direction instantly. he falls into step with you naturally as if he'd always been part of the conversation, hip bumping against yours at the three of you walk and you fill him in easily. at first it all seemed so normal and regular, until jungwon started explaining the upcoming project, soft launching his want to work together.
jungwon is in the middle of explaining his idea for it but you're only able to listen with half of your attention, way more focused on the way riki interjects, mostly to correct the older boy an arrogant smirk on his lips. it was like the poor guy couldn't get a sentence out without riki feeling the sudden urge to prove him wrong. to prove that he was the smartest one between you three. eventually jungwon is letting out a laugh, “dude what is your problem?” you notice the frown that immediately takes over riki's features.
“i don't have a problem,” he says but it's so obvious that he does.
jungwon isn't afraid to point it out either, “you've been arguing with everything i've said for the past ten minutes,” the accusation seemed to catch riki genuinely off guard, so annoyed by the idea of you pairing up with someone else he hadn't even realize that he was actually reacting to it. and for the first time since he walked up to you, he's falling silent with a lame shrug of his shoulders.
a few minutes later jungwon is handing you your books and waving goodbye, spotting some friends once you reach the dining hall and wanting to meet up with them instead. you wave reluctantly, watching as he turns to walk away and almost instantly riki is relaxing beside you. the tension vanished from his shoulders, his mood lifting and he was sparking conversation up with you as if he wasn't just being a dick.
at the time you didn't think too much of it. summed up his behavior with his ridiculous need to feel like he was smarter than everyone without having to try. but later that night when your mind was replaying the memory again and again, details stood out to you that hadn't before. the glare he'd send jungwon's way as he spoke, but the way his gaze would soften when he looked at you. how he seemed almost annoyed at the idea of you working together with someone that wasn't him and he looked almost ready to reject the offer before jungwon even had the chance to extend it.
he was acting extremely out of character for someone who claimed not to care about anything. even though you had waved him over, invited him into the conversation – riki still seemed strangely invested in who you spent your mornings talking to and about what. and sadly that wasn't the sort of observation you could easily forget.
unpopular opinion, you hated the weekend. they dragged for you, not really interested in partying or forced socialization. if you were doing anything it was most likely a sleepover at one of the girls' dorms where you'd binge episodes of vampire diaries. if not, you'd be holed up in your room, perfecting your essays and notes and waiting for monday to roll around again.
this weekend was different, though. clover was dragging you out of your room with the notion that you needed to photosynthesize. leaving your room had been a last minute decision, so you hadn't put much thought into what you were wearing. a short white skirt that stopped a few inches below you behind, a white tube top and riki's over sized hoodie.
choosing it had nothing to do with the fact that it still smelt like him or that it felt close enough to actually having his arms around you. those weren't deciding factors at all, it simply was the first one you could grab when you were rushing out. clover raises her brows when she sees you but doesn't say anything, it had already taken enough effort to get you outside on the weekend – she wasn't going to push her luck. the two of you make your way toward the student union for frozen yogurt, chatting happily as you bounce down the walkway arms linked together.
you're spotting him before he notices you. riki is sitting beneath a tree near the center of the courtyard, one knee drawn toward his chest, laptop resting against his lap as he types quickly – not sparing a second to look down as his fingers fly across the keyboard. students drift around him in scattered groups, but he's entirely unaware of anybody else's existence, completely locked in on whatever assignment he was trying to finish before the due date.
you break away from clover before you can even register why your body is moving, the sleeves of his hoodie falling over your hands as you cross the grass toward him. you had intended on just going over to say hi, see what he's working on before turning around to rejoin your friend. but his sketchbook catches your attention, immediately changing your plans. specifically, the fact that it's sitting unattended by his knee while he's distracted by homework.
terrible idea on his part actually. you don't even hesitate, stride picking up as you rush toward him and by the time he looks up, you've already snatched the book from the ground. wide eyes snap up at you, his laptop being ditched somewhere in the grass as he moves to stand, “yn.” he says carefully, holding his hand out like he's trying to tame you.
a sly grin spreads across your features before you're turning and running from him. the sound that leaves his lips is somewhere between a groan and a laugh. “are you fucking...” he's quick to begin chasing behind you and you're shocked to see how fast he is when you're glancing over your shoulder. “catch me!” you call, urging yourself to run faster ahead of him.
your mistake becomes apparent almost immediately. because riki was incredibly fast. much faster than you'd assume a person that couldn't give two shits about his lungs would be. you barely make it halfway across the courtyard before you hear footsteps thundering behind you. students turn their heads as you weave through them, careful not to ram into anyone. jake laughs from somewhere in the distance. you nearly knock over a freshman and just as you're turning into the garden, a hand catches your wrist.
his movements are swift, tugging your body toward him before easily backing you against the nearest tree. for a second neither of you moves, your hand clutched beneath his big palm and pinned above your head. the sketchbook is trapped awkwardly between your chest and his and you feel the way his hips shift to trap you in place. his eyes are narrowed, a mean expression on his face as he fights to catch his breath.
you can only imagine how you look to him, flushed cheeks and messy hair caught all in your lip gloss. your breath hitches as he shifts closer to you, half-hard cock grazing your thighs and your eyes go wide. riki's movements are slow, keeping a firm grip above your head as his free hand moves to cup the side of your face. he's gentle despite how irritated he looks, thumb reaching up to swipe the hair from your lips. “you done?” he asks, brows knitted in completely concentration as he watches the way your mouth moves under his thumb. unfortunately, irritation looked very good on him.
like embarrassingly good.
his thumb stays on your lip despite the fact he's already pushed all of your hair back in place, threatening to dip into your mouth. it's only then that you realize he had asked you a question. your eyes lift to look up at him, peeking at him through your lashes as your head bobs in a nod. “fine, you caught me.” your words come out muffled against his finger and his lips are stretching into the prettiest of smiles.
riki is taking another step forward, eliminating any remaining space between your bodies and pressing you firmly against the tree. you feel the rumble of his voice in your core as he speaks, “no shit,” he's saying with a laugh, grip loosening around your wrist to let your arm lamely fall at your side. he's holding his hand out in between you, brow raised and thumb still pressed to your lips.
“here,” you sigh, wiggling the book from between your bodies to hand it out to him. he takes the sketchbook immediately, tucking it beneath one arm quickly. but he doesn't move, his body remains pressed against yours, dark eyes dropping down the length of your body and for the first time he's taking in the fact that you're wearing his hoodie. his fingers glide down the length of your neck, catching the fabric of the hood before reaching lower to trace the design at the collarbones and you literally see the way his mind wanders.
his mind drifts to his countless drawings of you in this very sketchbook, his hoodie swallowing your frame while your hand reveals parts of your body to his greedy eyes. and the fact that you're standing in front of him now, wearing it has a violent heat pulsing through his veins. his jaw tightens and you watch the movement closely, the purse of his lips intriguing you. he looks especially handsome today, standing this close to him makes it very hard to ignore.
he's still breathing heavily, chest rising and falling beneath the thin black shirt and you make note to tease him about his failing lungs later. the shirt cuts off at his shoulders, arms on full display and you don't miss the way the muscles flex and jump with each movement of his hands; which are covered in his same silver rings, bracelets stacked on his wrists. a few strands of his sandy blond hair has fallen into his eyes, sticking up in every direction from having to chase after you.
you hate how standing this close forces you to notice things that you never have before, the tiny mole on his lash line, how obnoxiously high his cheekbones were, there's a pretty glow to his skin that gives away to the existence of his skincare routine, interrupted only by the light flush on his cheeks, the tip his ears an unmistakable red. you almost sum it up to the chase, until you're feeling his cock jump against your thigh.
your eyes snap up to his face, “riki...” you start but he doesn't hear you, he's too busy curling his fingers around the large zipper resting against your chest. his lip is caught between his teeth and his eyes are glued to his fingers as they slowly drag the zipper of his hoodie down. you're afraid he'd feel the pounding in your chest as his knuckles drag over it, just slightly brushing against the fabric of your shirt – right between your breasts. you're letting out a breathless sound that you don't really understand, but it has a smirk lifting the corners of his lips the dimple on his right cheek making an appearance.
“you're such a brat,” he's mumbling and you're only just now realizing how deep his voice truly is. it leaves you speechless, like literally you feel like your brain is fried. your lips part to speak but no words come out, all you can do is stare at him. and try desperately to ignore the heat that rises in your chest, the familiar throb between your legs as his hand reaches back up toward the collar of the hoodie. he's easily knocking it off of your shoulders before reaching over to do the same on the other side. the fabric pools at your elbows and he's easily sliding it off of you, tucking the garment beneath his arm with his sketchbook. “brats don't deserve expensive gifts,”
he's stepping back fully after that and despite the sun beating down on your bodies, you feel freezing. your arms fold over your chest immediately, a pout forming on your lips. “riki, i'll be cold.” he's letting out a short laugh, shoulders lifting in a lazy shrug, already taking steps backward to return to his spot under the tree before you had decided to bother him. “that's your punishment,” he says through a grin, amusement lacing his tone.
you're not sure how long you stand there watching his back after he turned to walk away, you just know it takes that long for you to regain your composure. your heart can't seem to stop pounding, blush flushing your cheeks and the back of your neck and an uncomfortable wetness between your legs. what the hell was that? when you had stolen his book, which you had no intention to go through really, you had assumed that he'd ignore you or get annoyed, demand for you to give it back.
not trap you against a tree where everyone could see and undress you. yes, he was just taking his hoodie back, but he still undressed you! “oh my god,” your hands lift to cover your cheeks, head shaking from side to side. after all the evaluating and analyzing, over analyzing. you couldn't believe you missed one possible factor. whether or not riki was in love with you aside, you forgot to account for the other potential aspect. the messier side of the hypothesis that required much more digging.
your feelings for riki.
[ i'm obsessed with these two lwk, what did you think? + if u asked to be tagged & aren't turn my notifs on! tumblr didn't let me tag a lot of u :/ ]
Is it all right if I read your fic's as a non-black woman/readers? Or are you fic's for just black women/readers?
i never really see this question being asked by poc abt the countless fics that have non-poc ocs… u can read whatever u want 💗✨ the only ppl i don’t want interacting w my fics is minors :)
diet pepsi ⸺ camp counselor!jay (sounds to scenes collection)
( ★ ) ⸻ jay spent the entire summer pretending that he wasn't into you. ignoring every single one of your advances, because it made sense. you were younger. he was leaving. it just wouldn't work out. avoiding you just made the most sense. until he's letting himself slip on your last night together and he's quickly realizing that he's made a huge mistake.
۶ৎpairing: mentor!jay x mentee!reader ۶ৎgenre: heavy angst... smut. summer camp au. age gap (reader is 18, jay is 24). established relationships. ۶ৎtw: smut (mdni!) descriptive making out, loss of virginity, mutual pining. unexpected heeseung closure. fingering, dry humping. slight dirty talk. unresolved feelings. cortis!martin makes an appearance. bnd!jaehyun. car sex. subtle masturbation (m.), relationship ending. gone the next morning... post sex abandonment? unprotected sex (not in this economy pls). ۶ৎwc: 16.5k+
⸻ playlist | diet pepsi. addison rae, bound. the ponderosa twins plus one, late night talking. harry styles, electric love. borns, love grows (where my rosemary goes). edison lighthouse, tenerife sea. ed sheeran, perfect places. lorde, bad habit. steve lacy, get you. daniel caesar ft. kali uchis, summertime sadness. lana del rey, vienna. billy joel, the scientist. coldplay.
by the time the sun was setting, camp barely looked like camp anymore. the campers that had spent the past three months running from cabin to cabin had been picked up hours ago. said cabins cleaned up and empty, ready for the winter that slowly crept around the corner. the lake was still. for the first time all summer, there wasn't a schedule to follow, no activities, no headcounts. no one asking where the arts-and-crafts supplies were. you and the eleven other counselors were the only ones left, closing out the summer with a well deserved bonfire barbecue.
martin, sakai and jaehyun dragged picnic tables to the beach before setting the folding chairs up to surround the fire, while jungwon set up his speaker, viv and lex arguing about whose playlist should be shuffled. the smell of charcoal hung heavy in the air as heeseung started up the grill, expertly cutting thick pieces of beef while brin stole bites directly off the serving tray.
he's rolling his eyes the third time her tongs chase his, “those are for everybody,” he grumbles, she nods with a grin – pushing a big piece past her lips. “mhm!” she's reaching for another piece, but he's nudging her away with his hip. she easily reaches around him, popping the pork into her mouth before he can steal it back. “brin.” he tries to sound stern, but the natural softness of his voice never leaves him. “you've eaten like a full cow by now,” he jokes and she grins wide up at him, shoulders lifting in a shrug.
“put more on,” she says simply.
mindless chatter is heard all throughout the beach, a red solo cup clutched in every hand. sunoo is stationed behind a folding table he deemed the bar, two coolers hidden underneath filled with juice and several bottles that had been hidden for the better half of the summer and an obnoxious amount of fruit. mia argues as he hands her drink over, “you shouldn't eyeball vodka,” she nags and he's snorting out a laugh. “it literally won't matter in ten years, just drink.” he encourages, repeating what had become his mantra these last few days.
and no matter how scary that sounded, he was right. all the moments that seemed huge, everything that made you cry, smile, laugh – most likely wouldn't even matter ten years from now. but that's what made every last moment that much more special, what made the goodbyes that you all knew were looming that much more devastating. because despite promising to stay in touch, you all knew that this was all temporary and in ten years, everything would be so different. you all would be completely different.
you sit close to the fire with the other girls as the chaos settles, slowly rotating a marshmallow over the flames. the heat warming the bare skin of your thighs left by the dress you picked this morning. subconsciously putting more thought into your appearance, knowing what tonight meant. it was the last night, yes, but it always was a last chance. so you’re choosing the strapless dress that hugged your frame, a bright orange with pretty pink flowers scattered over it, the colors seeming to pop against your sun-kissed skin.
you hoped you looked as pretty as you felt and that a certain someone took notice, the moment he's drifting into your thoughts – your eyes shift to where he stands. leaning casually against one of the surfboards, head tipped back as he laughs at something jungwon said. jongseong park. jay. you remember reading his name on the welcome sheet on your very first day, the man in charge of the music lodge and all of the instruments inside. your mentor for the next three months and the man who you'd be replacing at the end of the summer when he left for grad school.
that's what he was introduced to you as, but after meeting him, after spending every single day with him for the last ninety-two days, he had become so much more. he was funny, smart, kind, generous and extremely talented. the kids loved him, looked up to him and he gave them a good reason to with how patient and encouraging he was with every last one of them. he was an all around good guy and him being without a doubt the hottest guy you've ever laid eyes on only added to that.
jay was sexy without even trying to be, from his facial expressions to the way his fingers moved over the strings of his guitar, everything he did seemed to draw you in. and god you were so bad at hiding it. from day one, you couldn't keep your eyes from finding him in the crowd, couldn't mask the insistent blush of your cheeks or the way giggles would slip past your lips before you could even think twice.
and the craziest part of all of it, was that he also seemed interested in you. you never missed the way the touches would linger, the way his eyes would drop to your lips before snapping back up to your eyes. you've even caught him watching you from the pier one night when you and the other girls went out for a late swim. but you never once made a move, just treaded dangerously close to the line and it all but drove you insane.
“you're drooling,” you hear from beside you and your body startles, nearly dropping your marshmallow into the fire. viv laugh besides you, leaning into your shoulder as she does. you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks. “no i'm not,” you uselessly defend and she nods as if she actually believes you, “why don't you go say something?” brin makes an attempt at whispering, leaning across viv to look at you.
you feel the anxiety blooming in your chest before she's even finishing her sentence, “are you crazy!?” while you were like 89% sure jay also thought you were cute, there was still that 11% chance that he was just being nice. and you were terrified by that 11%. viv lifts her drink to her lips, taking a big gulp of it before she's setting in the sand, deciding she was done with it. “he leaves tomorrow... forever.” she reminds with a pointed look. “and then in ten years, none of this will matter...”
as if he could sense he was being talked about, jay's eyes drift in your direction. not even half surprised that he caught you and the other girls staring, it sort of been the theme of the summer. and the way he wiggles his fingers in a slight wave makes everything worse, because you're gasping, marshmallow actually hitting the ground as laughter erupts between your friends.
the night stretches just like that, conversations bouncing between you, drinks and food being passed and lingering stares between you and jay that everyone else pretending they didn't notice. by the time the sky was dark and the stars were twinkling, everything seemed to settle. the feeling of finality that everyone had been avoiding thickening with each flicker of the fire.
“i can't believe i won't be back here next year,” heeseung says, earning a chorus of loud eye rolls from each of you. he's only mentioned it a trillion times in the past three months. “oh my god, wait! it's your last summer!?” lex fakes a gasp that has laughter spreading, heeseung lifts his middle finger in her direction while brin slaps at her shoulder playfully. “cut him some slack, he's been here since they filled the lake.” she teases.
jungwon is quick to interject, a smirk playing on his lips. “nah, that was jay. he poured the water in himself, one cup at a time,” he punctuates his words with a tip of his own cup, letting the last few drops of his liquor hit the sand. “seriously, though, we're going to miss you guys.” sakai starts and you can already hear the quiver in her tone. “it's going to be so weird not smelling brin making bacon before sunrise, or hearing jay fighting with the kids for hiding his drumsticks, no more heeseung waking us up past midnight for ramyeon...” her lips form a pout before she can even finish her thought and you're reaching over to hug her.
“aw.” martin coos, setting down his drink before clapping his hands together. “think tonight calls for some goodbye speeches,” agreement is immediate and it's not long before brin is standing. she talks about her love for the camp, when she started and how close she's become with every one of you, highlighting funny moments, sad ones and ones that she swears she'll never forget. heeseung follows, starting with “i can't believe this is my last summer...” and ending with the same words, head shaking.
jay stands next and you feel the way your heart flutters for no good reason. his hand rubs at the back of his neck, teeth tugging at his lower lip as he fought to put the right words together. he looked handsome, face lit by the fire, hair dyed blond after losing a dare to one of the campers on the first week. it suited him. “i hate public speaking,” jungwon leads the chorus of boos that follow his words, pulling a laugh from him which seems to ease the tension between his shoulders.
he continues on despite the thump in his chest, despite knowing you're sat less than a few feet away, watching him. “honestly, this place has been home for a long time. i started when i was seventeen?” he ignores the groans that come from the group, out of all the counselors, he's been there the longest and he never let them forget it. “get off the stage, unc!” jungwon shouts, hands cupped around his mouth.
jay's eyes drift from the lake, over to the music lodge sitting at the edge of the camp, back to the friends he's grown closer to every summer. and then to you and the way you smile at him has him losing his train of thought for a full three seconds. “seriously, though, i've spent almost every summer here and i thought that would make leaving harder but it isn't. of course, i'll miss the campers, you guys and obviously my music room, but...” his eyes are back on yours and everyone notices the way his gaze, “i think the reason it's kind of easy is because i know everything i love is being left in good hands,” exaggerated gasps are heard around the fire.
jay does his best to ignore them, eyes never breaking from yours. his gaze said everything he had been swallowing for the past few months, mixed with the regret of not having the courage to make a move sooner. stood in his own way each and every time. “yn, i'm so relieved to know you'll be the one replacing me. you're so good with the kiddos, you're smart, funny... patient and creative... way more organized that i've ever been. thank you for making leaving a little bit easier, i appreciate you,” an unmistakable blush has settled on his cheeks and he's moving to sit, “and you look pretty in all your dresses,” the words are jumbled together, alcohol giving him just enough courage to mumble what he had been thinking every morning you walked into the music lodge.
the silence lasts for less than a second before obnoxious cheers erupt through the group. “better late than never!” jaehyun whistles, while sunoo claps wildly beside him. apparently, he had mentioned it to everyone but you the way they were reacting like it was this long awaited thing. it was. you ignore the flutter in your chest long enough to thank him. you can't stop replaying the last three words of his speech: 'all your dresses'. all like every one of them? which meant he had noticed every one. and he thought every one was pretty.
and he waited until the night before he was leaving to say something about it. bittersweet wasn't even the word.
the rest of the evening passes in a blur. all of your crowded around the fire, reminiscing and sharing secrets. it has the expected warm feeling the end of summer would, but you can't seem to fully enjoy it with the way your eyes keep drifting to jay. as the hours tick on, the group starts to break apart around the beach. heeseung and martin had volunteered to get more drinks and jay had hopped up to help, since then the three of them had been seated at the table a few feet away. they're talking quietly but you don't miss the not so discreet way one of them would point in your direction.
viv and mia only make it worse, shoving and hitting your arm wildly when jay finally stands to head toward the coolers. “okay, okay. go now.” you hear one of them say, nearly shoving you off of your chair. and you don't miss the kissing noises they make as you're walking away.
the coolers sit near one of the set up of kayaks that jaehyun swore he'd get put away before sundown. it was ten pm. jay is already crouched beside one when you approach, pushing aside melting ice as he searched for another drink. “hi,” your heart is pounding so rough against your chest, it's all you can muster. you catch the way his hand stills, body stilling for just a second before he's shaking it off – pulling two wine coolers from the ice before standing to face you. he hands one over with the prettiest of smiles.
“hey.” he says through one of his nervous laughs you've gotten so familiar with.
“i liked your speech,” it's all you can think of saying because it's all you can think about. his gaze drops to the sand, a hand lifting to rub at the back of his neck. and for the first time all evening, all summer even – jay actually looks embarrassed. the past three months, you've been the one blushing, the one caught staring, you've been so sure you've been making a fool out of yourself with your loud crush. when it reality, he's been noticing you this entire time too. he was just so much better at hiding it.
his shoulders lift in a slight shrug, “i was just being honest.”
“honest? you were flirting with me,” you accuse playfully and that has his cheeks going pink. “oh my god,” he laughs and it's a real pretty one, it has a smile lifting on your lips almost immediately. his eyes find yours for a moment, but he's quickly finding something else to focus on. and then he's slowly coming back, allowing himself to actually look. his stare is so intense that it has you shifting, searching for something to say, anything to fill the silence. your lips part, but he's beating you to it. “i meant it. i really like you, yn. but...”
he's getting ready to reject you, you can just tell. jay didn't like loose ends and despite all the quiet glances, subtle flirting that you're now just realizing was flirting, he was still leaving in the morning. he was starting a whole new chapter of his life and there could be no maybes left behind. so he needed a clean break. you're interrupting him before he has the chance. “and you said i was pretty in all my dresses. you know, i knew you were staring every morning... you'd always act like you were look at your bon jovi poster,”
jay is letting out a low laugh, “it's a nice poster!” he defends. “but yeah, it was you.” it feels so weird to say out loud, he had been so careful all summer and admitting that he had been admiring you this whole time didn't feel like him. “you looked good in every one. extremely distracting by the way.” he's twisting the cap off of his drink as he speaks, taking a long sip from it.
and you realize why he's not holding back anymore, the semi permanent flush of his cheeks and glossy look in his eye. “every one?” you prompt with a grin, following his lead and taking a sip from your drink too.
he nods without a moment of hesitation, “all of them.” the confidence in his voice catches you off guard, because this was jay we were talking about. the same jay that spent three months carefully putting distance between you every time you got too close. who would find excuses to rush away whenever you'd start flirting with him. the same jay who'd look away whenever you caught him staring, spouting off nonsense facts about bon jovi instead of saying what he truly wanted to.
that jay was looking at you through hooded eyes, gaze dragging over the curves of your body. and a lazy smile stretches on his face that makes your stomach twist. he's nodding his head as if he's confirming a question he had asked himself. “yeah, all of them.” he says quietly. “the long blue one with the slit on the side,” your lips part slightly, the exact morning flashing in your mind. it was only the third day and he called you in early to do one final sweep before the campers were arriving later that day. you remember just throwing the dress on, annoyed that you were up before sunrise when everyone else was sleeping in.
“you remember that?” he's nodding before you're even done speaking. “yeah, you wouldn't stop giving me attitude all day.” he's laughing with a shake of his head. he's taking a step closer, turning so he's facing you fully and you feel your stomach twist. “the white one you wore to the talent show,” he continues, lip tucked between his teeth. he had stood on the other side of the room the entire show, barely speaking two words to you when it was over.
“and...” his head tilts slightly, eyes dragging over you in the way that makes it so painfully obvious that he's been forcing himself not to look at you all summer. he's grinning. “the short orange one you're wearing now,” you actually feel the way your brain short-circuits, eyes wide as your jaw drops. it's usually the other way around, you coming onto him and him ignoring you. so now that the roles were reversed, you have no idea what to do with yourself.
“okay, stop.” you're laughing, hand lifting to slap his shoulder. “what? i can't compliment you? you compliment me all the time.” you shake your head quickly, “tit's different when you do it. especially now.” you point out and jay goes quiet, because he knows you're right. it is different. everything is. summer was over, all the campers were gone, he was leaving tomorrow morning and everything just felt... heavier?
before either of you can say anything else, a scream cuts across the beach. both of you turn at the sound to find sunoo pealing his shirt from his body, sprinting toward the water. “LAST SWIM OF THE SUMMER!” he shouts as he runs. chaos breaks out within seconds, your friends abandoning their drinks and kicking off their shoes. shirts and shorts fly through the air as they reveal the swimsuits they'd been wearing all night.
the firelight flickers across the beach as everyone runs toward the lake. viv jumps on jaehyun's back, his hands clutching her thighs as he runs. jungwon, martin, sakai and lex have already started climbing up a nearby cliff. mia and heeseung are in search of a beach ball. it's so obvious that everyone was trying to drag out time, trying to cram in as many 'lasts' as they could before morning was rolling in and all of this was ending.
you're smiling, gaze shifting back to jay. and you find him already look at you, he smiles brightly before tapping his bottle against yours, tipping it back and swallowing the rest down. you do the same. his head tilts toward the lake once you're finished, brow lifted slightly. “race you,” he's running off before you can even register what he's said, bottle ditched somewhere in the sand and you're quick to follow behind him.
jay's laugh is loud and unrestrained as he runs into the water, pulling his shirt over his head in the process. you've never heard him laugh like that, ever and it's incredibly contagious. your dress joins the liter of clothing at the shoreline as you rush in. the lake is freezing and you're squealing the second it hits your legs. jay turns to face you, he's already fully submerged himself into the water and he's reaching a hand out to you.
“you gotta jump right in,” you've been saying that to him all summer. the irony is funny to you. still, you take hold of his hand and he's easily tugging you toward him. the two of you float there, treading water and staring at each other. it's like he was getting in all the looking he had missed out in the past months. “what?” you're laughing and he's shrugging his shoulder slightly. “just remembering...” you hate the way his words make you feel. you don't want to think about it being the last night, or all the time wasted. so you splash him instead, a hard wave that soaks his hair. jay's laughing, hand pushing his hair back out of his eyes to see that you've swam away and he's quick to swim after you.
you're swimming right through the middle of the impromptu game of water volleyball, jaehyun deciding you're apart of his team and sending jay to join heeseung's side. sunoo teases mia about winning now that they had you and she had jay, she rolls her eyes before roughly serving the ball. it hits jaehyun in the chest and viv shouts from the pier for you all to be careful with her man, brin laughing beside her.
across the lake, jungwon, martin, sakai and lex have made it to the top of the cliff. their voices echo as they argue about what actually counts as a flip. martin deciding to shut them all up by launching himself off of the rock, body flipping naturally in the air whooping loudly just before he's hitting the water with a loud splash and lex follows behind him, looking less graceful but gaining a supportive chant from the girls when she resurfaces.
the game of volleyball melts into a shouting match after the first three rounds, arguments about points that nobody had been even keeping track of in the first place, sunoo swearing that he didn't cheat and heeseung and jay going back and forth about something neither of them seem particularly passion about. the beach ball floats away forgotten by both teams.
eventually, you're paddling your way back toward the dock, pulling yourself up beside viv and brin. water drips from your legs as you stretch them out in front of you, back laying against the warm wood. viv immediately scoots closer, grin wide as her eyes drift to where jay and heeseung fight to pull each other under the water. “so,” you feel the heat rise in your cheeks. “does he like you? does he want to kiss and get married and have five kids?” she's asking and you're barking out a laugh.
“yeah, right.” you roll your eyes. “we didn't say much, really. just that he liked me dresses.” you catch the way brin rolls her eyes, letting out a soft huff. “he's hopeless,” she sighs, but is quickly moving to change the subject, pointing across the lake as sakai shoves jungwon into the water before jumping off behind him. “can you believe she's going to be in charge next year?” brin had spent the past three months training sakai on how to run this place and come next year, she'd be the new head counselor.
viv is shaking her head, “wild. this is the same girl who faked pneumonia to get out of cooking duties, by the way.” you're snorting out a laugh. “i'm going to miss this,” the admission settles between all three of you. waking up and not have your friends right outside your door, no more staying up late to watch the stars. this place somehow became home without any of you noticing and in less than twelve hours it all would be over.
the dock shifts slightly, a large splash following and the sound of jaehyun's laughter. viv is rolling her eyes, kicking her foot out to him but instead of hitting him, he's catching it by the ankle. he's tugging her slightly, earning a swift kick with the other leg. he's laughing. “come here,” his thumb traces her ankle, hand slowly dragging up her calf. “i'm having a conversation,” viv says, gesturing between you and brin.
jaehyun is shrugging quickly. “you can have it in the water,” his fingers tighten around her leg, a sly grin spreading across his lips and anyone can guess what he's thinking. “jaehyun, don't.” he's looking up at her, mischief dancing through his eyes. “what? i'm just touching you. i love you. i can't touch you?” they're ignoring the gagging noises that come from beside them just like they always do.
“i can feel you–” she is not even able to finish her sentence before he's yanking his arm toward him, successfully pulling viv off of the dock and into the water. he catches her instantly, arms around her waist as her legs secure themselves around his waist. “say bye to your friends,” he says already swimming further into the water.
a few feet away, heeseung is waving both his arms in your direction. “are you two planning on sitting there all night?” he shouts with his hands now cupped around his mouth. “maybe!” you're shouting back and he's quickly shaking his head, waving you both over. “get in the water!” brin is quickly pointing at you, despite the fact her legs and hair were still dry. “she doesn't want to,”
“what!? you're still dry,” you point out. she's rolling her eyes, slipping in just as heeseung has started swimming over. you follow behind her. the group gathers together slowly, floating in the middle of the lake as conversations overlap. you're all drifting between each other, talking about plans for the next few weeks, sharing excitement for next year, worries. jungwon's group eventually get their fix of cliff diving and join the rest of you in the water. lex puling herself comfortably on sunoo's back, reaching forward to steal his drink. mia starts another argument this time with sakai about who slept in the most.
and somehow in the midst of all of this, you end up beside jay again, without even fully realizing it. at least that's what you tell yourself when your shoulder bumps against his. one moment, he's laughing at something heeseung says, the very next you're stealing his attention away, in your tiny yellow bikini that barely covers yours ass. he knows. he checked.
you're so close to him, but you're completely enthralled in conversations. laughing loudly and engaging freely. your legs brushes against his whenever a soft wave rolls through and each time neither of you move away or say anything about it. you don't realize that the two of you are floating away at first. you were listening to the others, jungwon's laugh carrying across the water as martin exposes him for never really being on duty.
their voices come and go with the ways, but slowly it seems like they're fading into the background. you shift onto your break, letting the water hold your weight as you stare up at the twinkling stars scattered across the sky. jay stays close to you, tanned skin glistening in the moonlight. his hair is wet and slicked back, dark eyes sparkling as he watches you.
“you stare a lot,” you're pointing out with a laugh.
he's quick to nod his head, not even bothering to deny it. his hands find their way underneath you, floating uselessly beneath your back as if he's holding you up – but not actually touching you. just looking for excuses to be close to you, to touch you. even if it was through the water. “you're so different tonight, i'm not used to this jay.” you're saying after a minute and jay's gaze is dragging up to your eyes.
“am i?” he's asking like it's not the most obvious thing. “yes. you're actually looking at me, complimenting me, not rushing away when i get too close. where was this all summer?” besides the time the two of you spent working together in the music lodge, there were very few times where you were alone. no matter how much you wanted to be. “i was trying really hard to be professional. i'm your mentor.”
“not anymore,” you're quick to point out and you notice the way his eyes drag down the line of your neck to to the swell of your breasts all the way down to the curve of your waist. his eyes catch the gold jewelry that dangles from your navel before he's snapping his eyes back up to yours. “not anymore,” he repeats with a nod. you feel the way the palm of his hand grazes your thigh as he floats closer to you.
you're sure the pounding in your chest can be heard by your friends on the other side of the lake. you try to appear as composed as possible. “so, what else have you been keeping to yourself?” jay's lips shift into a smirk, head tilting to the side slightly. of course you want to know what he's been thinking about you since he was first meeting you. and he's kept his cards so close to his chest up until now, it was only fair. “you want the whole list?”
your head tilts so your able to look at his face fully, eyes wide. “there's a list?”
“a long one,” he's nodding quickly. “like how cute i think you look biting your lip when you play the piano. the way i admired how easily you were able to bond with the kids in our class...” he's actually searching his mind for more things to tell you and you find that unbelievably adorable.
but still, something about all of this just doesn't sit right by you. “why'd you wait so long to say something?” he's letting out a soft sigh, stepping back slightly as his hand rubs at the back of his neck. “i'm leaving in the morning, yn. and i'm not coming back. i mean, i liked you from the start but it didn't seem smart to start something with you i knew i wasn't going to be around to finish.” it made sense. he wasn't coming back, this was his last summer before he went to start his life in new york or california or wherever life took him. this was his past now.
“and i knew you had a crush on me too, it just didn't seem fair.” he's explaining with a sigh and you're nodding, because he's right. you hated to admit it, but he was right. now you knew, though. and you still had the rest of the night. there was no sense in moping around about the fact that this would be the last time you'd see each other when you could be reveling in the time you still had.
you're shifting in the water so you're upright again. “you know, i really thought i was embarrassing myself all summer. turns out you were crushing on me just as bad,” you tease, sticking your tongue out at him that has him smiling. “no, you were.” he's clarifying and you reach over to slap at his chest. “i was not! you kept a mental inventory of my dress collection,” you're pointing out.
“yeah, but i was subtle. you knocked over an entire box of guitar pics when i touched your hand,” the memory makes him smile, you were wearing a green halter dress than, hair pulled into a sleek bun. and you smelt like caramel. “okay, but-” you try to defend yourself, but he's interrupting you. “and let's not forget the time you spilled juice in your lap when i sat by you,” white dress with red and pink flowers all over it. it was ruined. rip.
you embarrassed yourself in front of him more times than you could count and there was denying that, so you don't try to. “you know what,” you're grumbling, hands pushing the water hard enough to send a large splash toward him. it hits him directly in the face, soaking his hair all over again. and you don't miss the dangerous smile on his lips as he reaches up to wipe the water from your eyes, you're already swimming away before he's opening them.
“oh, you're done.” you hear from behind you and you make the mistake of looking back, catching the way he dips under the water. he's scarily fast. you're letting out a squeal as you rush away from him. he's laughing at how easily he's able to close the distance between the two of you. and you hate this version of him. no, actually that was a lie – you hate how much you like this version of him.
this is the jay everyone else around you apparently knew about it. the one that wasn't watching every word or always stepping back. he was no longer trying so hard to keep up with this stiff image of himself, he was just being. and you hate that it took until the very last day for you to finally experience him this way. you're laughing so hard you can barely defend yourself, screaming when jay is finally catching you. “jay!” you shout as he's easily lifting you over his shoulder and tossing you behind his back into the water.
you're resurfacing quickly, jumping onto his back without a bit of hesitation. jay stumbles forward, laughing as you wrap your around his shoulders trying with all your might to get him under the water. “i'm going to fucking drown you,” the threat comes between laughs, ruined by the fact that you're barely even able to move him. “you?” he says amused, a large hand lifting to wrap around the arm you've got around his neck. “are we sure about that?” the confidence in his voice should've been your warning, but you barely have time to question it before he's shaking you off and right back into the lake.
you're bobbing to the surface with a gasp, shoving wet hair from your face as your eyes find jay standing across from you. he's bent over laughing so hard he's basically wheezing, eyes shut as he clutches his stomach and you're taking the chance. you're jumping on him before he can react, sending both of your bodies under the water. you're quick with swimming to the surface, coughing and laughing as jay wipes water from his eyes. “get over here,” his laugh follows his words, and you're instantly swimming away.
you hear the water shifting behind you. way too fast. and you're swimming straight for the rocks, planning on getting out of the water entirely and getting away from him on foot, but you're barely able to touch them when you feel his arm wrap around your waist. he's pulling you toward him swiftly, your spine colliding with his solid chest – hands braced on the rocks in front of you. you were literally trapped between a rock and a hard place. “i warned you,” his voice is right beside your ear and you're suddenly becoming painfully aware of how close you were.
you can feel the way his breathing has changed against your back, hands dropped down to your hips as he holds your body against his. his grip tightens for half a second as another wave rolls between you. you feel him shift behind you, pulling you close and you're gasping when you realize what he's doing. your ass is pressed right against his crotch, his stiffness pressing against your ass. his head tilts slightly, a hand lifting to push your hair off of one shoulder. “done running from me?” he mumbles but you can't even form a proper sentence right now.
you're nodding, breathless, pulse is racing and slowly you're turning around in his arms, hands landing on his shoulders. he looks like he's ready to devour you. hair dripping into his eyes, cheeks flushed and eyes slowly drinking you in. and for once, he's not looking away when your eyes meet. instead, he's moving in closer. your bodies shift until your back is pressed against the rolls and there is no where else for you go besides into him.
his hand lifts from your body, finger latching onto the front strap of your bikini – right between your breasts. he grins at the sound of your breath hitching, the soft gasp you let out when he's tugging you toward him. the water ripples, your chest hits his and he's backing you back against the rock before his leaning down. you can almost hear his resolve snap before his mouth finds yours and you're immediately melting into it.
overhead, jungwon is launching himself off of the cliff after successfully convincing his group to climb back up. his body rotates easily through the air, the best backflip that he's all summer and he can hear the cheer of his friends as they look up at him. and then he's catching movement, seconds before he's about to hit the water. it's you and jay, further from the rest of the group still. standing a bit too close.
he's eyes are widening when jay is lifting his hand, finger hooking into your bikini top and tugging before he's tugging you toward him. “no way,” the words leave his lips just as he's hitting the water, the splash that follows is huge but he can't even reveal in that as he fights to the surface. he swims to the edge of the lake, pulling himself out of the water as he shoves his wet hair from his face. eyes finding the two of you again, still very much kissing. and when he reaches the top of the cliff again, you're in the same spot.
martin is still standing near the edge of the cliff, sakai trying to convince him to belly flop. lex spots jungwon first, brow furrowing. “you said last jump, why you back?” he nearly slips as he rushes toward the edge of the cliff, pointing aggressively down at the water. “look.” martin follows the direction of his finger, sakai tilting her head to the side as she squints and lex crouches down slightly.
“oh my god.”
jay's groaning against your mouth and the sound shoots straight through you. his mouth moves over your swiftly, tongue pushing it's way past your lips. your brain is reeling, completely drowning in the taste of him. everything in the background just ceased to exist, you were no longer worried about tomorrow, or next summer or even your friends that were right behind you. all you could think, breathe, feel was jay.
your mouth tastes like the blueberry wine coolers you've been drinking, you smell like caramel the way you always do, and the way you feel against him is enough to drive just about anyone insane. your arms are around his neck, chest pressed to his and head tilted as your tongue is rolling into his mouth. he doesn't miss the soft whine you're letting out, the sound muffled by his mouth but his dick responds anyway. pressing firmly against you, you're shifting closer.
jaehyun sits on the dock, hands spread out beside him with viv perched between his legs. she's droning on about her new campus and her new roommate that she was so excited to meet. he's half listening, but his attention seems to drift across the water. a habit he's picked up throughout the summer, sort of like canvasing. checking where everyone had ended up, what you're all doing.
brin is floating in the water by heeseung, talking about their first summer here... six years ago. she had these atrocious bangs and braces, he still hadn't even grown into his nose. it was crazy how to two of them grew up. mia and sunoo sit at the edge of the water, legs kicking in front of them as sunoo gushes about finally being reunited with his boyfriend back home.
jungwon, martin, lex and sakai are still on that damn cliff, but instead of doing flips like they had been all night, they're crouched down staring below them. jaehyun follows their gaze and he's nearly falls over when he's seeing what they see. “oh, no way.”
“baby, i'm telling you a story.” viv says from between his legs, turning to look at her man who was clearly no longer paying attention. his hand reaches for her jaw, turning her head in the direction of you and jay. she's gasping, moving quickly like the queen of gossip he knew she was. she's waving her arms dramatically trying to catch mia's attention and it takes less than a few seconds before she's looking over.
'what?' she mouths and viv is pointing in your direction. her eyes land on the two of you instantly and she's grabbing sunoo's arm, pointing across the lake. sunoo is letting out a loud gasp, leaning forward like he's about to charge right over to you. mia is holding him back just in case. “heeseung,” jaehyun is whisper-shouting, catching the older boy's attention pretty quickly.
'look at jay.' he mouths and heeseung's brows are furrowing before both him and brin are turning around. the grin that spreads on his face can only be described as proud. finally. after three months of pining, finally. he has to hold back from applauding his friend.
jay moves like he's been starving for this. hands dropping to your thighs and squeezing roughly until you're taking the initiative and climbing onto him, legs wrapping easily around his waist. he's sucking your lip into his mouth, teeth grazing it as he presses his hips forward, effectively pinning you against the rocks. your hands have made their way into his damp hair, tangled in the strands.
neither of you have any idea that all of your friends bought front row tickets to your first kiss and it's evident in the way jay is shifting his hips forward, half hard cock pressing against him and you're pressing down just as hard. he's humming out a moan and you feel it throughout your body, heat pooling between your legs. his fingers spread against your skin, slowly sliding up your thighs.
you're pulling back just enough to catch your breath, a soft laugh falling from your lips at the dazed look in his eyes. cheeks flushed pink beneath the moonlight, lips swollen from the kiss, chest rising and falling unevenly. droplets of water fall from the hair that covers his forehead. he doesn't say anything, just stands there taking you in. the sight alone has another giggle falling from you lips and that has his gaze dropping to your lips. he's leaning in again before he can think twice about it.
“let her breathe, let her breathe!” sunoo's voice echoes across the lake and you feel jay's body go rigid against you. his eyes squeeze shut as if he's suddenly remembering where he is and the fact that it wasn't just the two of you out there. “that's it! get your man!” mia is whooping, lifting her drink the air as she cheers for you. your shoulders shake, a horrified laugh escaping you as your forehead falls onto jay's shoulder. the sound is quickly swallowed by the shouts that come from your friends.
jay is letting out a low breath through his nose. his head lifting toward the sky for a second with a shake of his head. and when he's looking back down at you, this is the first time you've ever seen him have his composure rocked. usually so calm and careful, but here he looked almost boyish? obviously blushing as the teasing from your friends filled the air. his hands stayed resting on your thighs the entire time, holding your body close to his as jungwon shouts about having seeing it happen first.
“this is so beautiful!” sakai shouts from the top of the cliff, leaning on martin as tears well in her eyes. clearly more emotional about leaving camp than she let on. martin wraps an arm around her waist before leaning forward where jay is able to see him. “look what y'all did! you made kai-baby cry.” he points down at the girl in his arms who also cried after seeing all the beds made this morning.
“kiss again!” jaehyun is shouting from the dock, earning a supportive whistle from viv. the group erupts at the suggestion, childishly chanting 'kiss' as jay stands there mortified. and you think it's hilarious, he looks so cute embarrassed, trying to hide the fact that his heart wasn't pounding and despite how badly he wanted to kiss you, he was all of a sudden feeling shy.
“come on, the first one didn't count!” brin is shouting through the chants. “how would that not count!?” jay shoots back, finally turning back to look at your friends. his reaction only fueling their chants and you can practically feel the heat coming off of him now. they're all a perfect orchestra. heeseung leads the chants, hands cupped around his mouth as cheers for another kiss. lex is leaning over the edge of the rock, sending exaggerated kissy faces your way. and brin is holding her hands up, making them kiss as her lips pucker.
and despite how desperate jay looks to escape their attention, you're addicted to peer pressure. a laugh slips past your lips as your hand is reaching down, fingers pressing against his jaw gently – just enough to turn his head back toward you. the shouting gets louder instantly. you're leaning down against instantly, mouth slotted against his and he's letting out an involuntarily groan at the feeling. the cheers that follow are obnoxiously deafening and it has your laughs dying against jay's lips.
the cold of the lake slowly becomes unbearable and one by one, you all begin making your way back toward the shore. the like that had been full of shouting and splashing just minutes ago is now quiet behind you, water still. wet footprints trail through the sand, towels stolen and half finished drinks recovered from where they had been abandoned hours ago.
you're settling in front of the fire with jay who swiftly positions himself behind you. the fire crackles in front of you, casting a warm light across the campgrounds. hair and body still wet, but you're settling further into jay's chest until going to find a towel. he doesn't seem to care much either, arm looping around your waist as he holds you close to him.
neither of you seem particularly interested in talking about what just happened, instead you just smile way too wide each time your eyes meet. you can hear brin from across the grounds, hair wrapped in a towel and a large hoodie covering her frame. she's rubbing at her stomach as she speaks. “i'm starving!” heeseung snorts as he walks past, his wet swim trunks in hand a pair of dry short hanging loose on his hips. he's digging through the coolers, without even looking up.
“we still have a bunch of meat left. should we kill it?” he suggests and brin's body immediately perks up. “say swear,” she says, taking quick steps to where he stands. he's letting out a soft laugh, pulling two unopened packets of pork belly from the ice with one hand, three packets of brisket in the other. “swear,” brin is squealing, reaching up to take the packets in hand. “see? this is why you're my favorite.” she says, leading the way toward the grill.
heeseung is rolling his eyes, but following closely behind. “yesterday you said lex was your favorite,” he points out and brin is nodding happily. her hand extends so she's able to boop the tip of heeseung's nose, he's scrunching it immediately. “today it's you.”
you spot sunoo walking toward the fire a few seconds later carrying four drinks, two in each hand. “good news,” he announces in a sing-song tone, lifting the bottles toward his face. “i found a full box,” viv and jaehyun trail behind him, stealing one of the bottles before settling on one of the lawn chairs. sunoo hands you a bottle, before passing the next one to jay and plopping down by the fire. “this is starting to feel final,” you say with a pout and you feel the way jay stiffens behind you.
“we live close! we should plan something, yn.” viv reaches her hands out to you and you're agreeing instantly. you two were only a forty-five minute drive apart, it wouldn't be hard to make plans together before next summer, it was just harder when you weren't just a few doors away. rather than across the country.
lex, mia and jungwon take responsibility for the mess they spent most of the night helping create. jungwon is already collecting empty bottles to recycle, lex is carrying a trash bag that's somehow bigger than she is, while mia complains but about everyone being pigs while she cleans up the leftover food. she's mainly yelling at martin who's pretending he can't hear her from where he still sits at the lake with sakai beside him.
they're sat near the edge of the water in the sand, sakai is wrapped in a large blanket and martin has his head resting on her shoulder, fighting the sleep that's creeping up on him. sunoo is rummaging through his bag for something, his bottle pressed between his knees as he looks. “oh wait!” he's exclaiming loud enough that it catches the attention of the people sitting closest to him.
“what?” jungwon is asking, head peeking up from the trash bag he had been separating.
sunoo is pulling a small stack of envelopes from his bag, holding them up with a wide grin. “we forgot these!” he's standing before anybody call say anything else, shuffling through the envelopes and making his way around the camp to hand them out. they're goodbye letters. you know, because you written eleven of your own. everyone had to, it was camp tradition according to brin.
but as sunoo makes his way through the group, the energy changes, you can feel it. the distribution was like a blaring indicator that it was over. eventually, you'd all have to go to sleep and face tomorrow. the fire was going to die down, heeseung was going to run out of food to make, at some point you'll run out of memories to share, stories to tell. it had to end. and you all had to say goodbye.
“i'm going to miss how you always steal my hoodies, even though you have a man.” sunoo says dramatically to viv while handing her the letter he wrote, he's shooting jaehyun a pointed look at the mention of him and then shuffling to find the letter for him. viv is taking hers with a laugh, tucking it safely beneath her leg. “and i'm going to miss pretending not to notice when you and viv disappear,” jaehyun takes his letter with a roll of his eyes, drink still pressed to his lips.
“you never pretended.” he points out and sunoo is nodding with a laugh. “because you guys are gross,” he sings before turning to continue his rounds.
by the time sunoo is dropping back down beside the fire, you've noticed a handful of your friends disappearing into their cabins and coming back with their own letters. but none of you talk about it, none of you make an announcement to pass them out, it sort of just happens.
the grill sizzles, brin stealing a piece of meat before it's finished cooking and heeseung is meeting her with an individual plate with the letter he wrote her tucked underneath it. she doesn't make a big deal out of it, takes the plate and the letter before plopping down at the picnic table to eat. jungwon complains about people not separating recyclables correctly, pulling glass bottles from the trash bag that should only be filled with food. martin is standing above him, note extended in front of his face.
“if that's another bottle, martin, i'm going to drown you in the lake. and then myself,” jungwon grumbles as he looks up, eyes finding the crisp envelope inches from his nose. he takes it quickly, tucking it into his pocket then goes right back to complaining. martin walks up, making his way back to where he had been sitting with sakai before, only now she's standing.
the blanket he had lent to her folded neatly a sad look on her face as she hands it over, the note she wrote for him resting on top. “i'm going to miss you so much,” she says through a sob and martin is chuckling softly, plucking the note from the top before grabbing the blanket. unlike everyone else, he's tearing into his note immediately despite sakai's protests. his eyes move quickly across the paper before they're slowing, taking in every written word and the meaning behind them.
sakai notices the shift, she recognizes it. “martin?” her head tilts up to get a better look at his face but he's quickly looking away, folding the note and tucking it back into it's envelope. “i'm fine,” he rushes out, wiping at his eyes with his knuckle. “let's go help clean up,”
a note seems to fall from the sky as jungwon passes, hitting your knee and landing on jay's lap. “read it away from me,” he mumbles before disappearing with his trash bag. jay is picking it up with a small smile. leave it to jungwon to literally run from any type of emotional exchange. “let me go put this away,” jay says, nudging at you leg gently and you're standing to allow him to slip from behind you and disappear into his cabin. you take the chance to slip away as well, grabbing the stack of letters you had spent the past week writing from underneath your pillow.
jay catches heeseung on his way to the bathroom, “hyung, wait.” heeseung's turning to the sound of jay's voice, eyes instantly landing on the thick envelope in his hand. “what is that like ten pages?” he asks with a laugh, reaching his hand out to take it. “it's only like seven,” he defends and heeseung is shaking his hand, tearing into the letter before jay can say anything of it.
“you know i have to read it out loud,” he says through a chuckle. jay is rolling his eyes, both hands pushing his hair back on his head as he feels his cheeks darkening. “you're so embarrassing,” he says with a shake of his head, but he doesn't fight it. heeseung would just find him and read it out loud later, he did it every summer for the past six years.
he's straightening his back and clearing his throat before bringing the note up to eye level, reading it like it's a scroll. “hyung. i tried keeping this short...” he lowers the letter to shoot a deadpan expression toward the younger boy. “seven pages?” he teases and jay is waving him off with a roll of his eyes. “just hurry up and read it,” much to his surprise, heeseung continues reading. “thank you for spending the past years putting up with me. though, i've been here longer than you... i never truly had someone to look up to until you arrived. we're the oldest, so everyone looks up to us. but i'm thankful i have you to look up to too.” jay doesn't miss the way the playfulness leaves heeseung's tone. realization that this was the last letter finally hitting him.
“i don't know if anybody else realizes how much this place has your fingerprints on it. you came up with most of the things we know call tradition, you've helped me write more songs than i can count. i even heard martin repeat one of your inside jokes his first week here... half the things the campers think have always existed started because of you, you're the blueprint.” heeseung pauses to grin because he had been screaming that for the past four years and finally he was getting the recognition for it.
the letter continues on like that, highlighting the memories they made together in the past six years, how close they've become. jay's plans for the future and how he promises to keep in touch, though, no one ever really did. but heeseung can tell that he meant it. the only difference is, heeseung was leaving too. not for the summer, forever. they both were on different paths of their lives now and seeing each other every summer was going to be a thing of the past.
he doesn't ruin the moment by pointing that out, though.
“you've been apart of almost every version of my adult life and it's going to be so hard imagining moving into my next phase without you standing ten feet away making an unnecessary comment. i don't really know how to end this, because i feel there shouldn't be an end to us. to our friendship. so i'll just say, thank you for being my friend and i'll see you soon.” heeseung looks up at jay to find him trying to look anywhere else, he's shaking his head laughing softly while flipping the pages over in his hands.
there's a few sentences scribbled on the back of the last one. “oh! there's more,” sarcasm drips from his words and jay's letting out a laugh. “i had a lot to say, shut up.” heeseung continues reading. “ps. stop giving relationship advice. even if you're right 99% of the time, stop it. your 'i told you so' face is so annoying. but, you were right again... i regret not telling yn how i feel. and i regret not kissing her when i had the chance,”
heeseung is looking up with a knowing smirk on his face, brow arched and jay is shoving at his shoulder. “that face! you're so irritating,” he says through a laugh while heeseung is carefully folding the note back up. “you kissed her, though. what changed your mind?” judging from the end of his note, it's clear that jay had no intention to actually make a move with you. but he saw the way jay kissed you in the water and how he's been all over you all night. this jay was very different from letter jay.
jay is clapping his hand on heeseung's shoulder with a shake of his head, “those fucking dresses, man.”
the night officially starts to settle around you. letters distributed and tucked away safely. the fire that had been roaring all evening has started to die down, only crackling whenever a piece of wood breaks. the loud shouts of your friends have dwindled into soft murmurs heard throughout the grounds. each one of you losing the battle against sleep, it was impossible to keep fighting it.
the food is gone, the coolers are empty. jungwon has organized every single piece of trash he could get his hands on. there was nothing left to do, there was nothing left to say. sakai and sunoo disappear first, walking into the bathroom with arms linked to do their skincare routine together for the last time of the summer. brin is a few steps behind them, yawning loudly and rubbing at her eye with the heel of her palm.
viv is curled up in jaehyun's lap, his hoodie working as a blanket as her head rests beneath his chin. every few minutes, she'll mumble something into his chest and he'll reach down to smooth a hand over her hair. jaehyun is still wide awake, talking quietly with jay from across the fire. you still sit comfortably in jay's lap but you're zoned out staring at the burning embers of the fire.
jungwon, martin and heeseung have migrated into their cabin, changed into their pajamas and laying on their beds. they talk softly, finding random things to say as they fight off the inevitable sleep. their voices drift through the open window every so often before dissolving back into sleepy laughter. across the lake, lex and mia have claimed the hammock and have been laying there with the past twenty minutes. neither of them have managed to finish a complete sentence, settling for quiet sighs and toying with each other's fingers.
jay feels you shiver against him for the fourth time and it has him realizing rubbing his hands over your arms was useless in warming you up. “you cold?” he asks, head tilting to the side so he can look at you. you're tired but you're fighting it, long curls pulled in a bun at the top of your head and pretty orange dress doing nothing against the cool night air. you're turning to look at him, head bobbing in a nod.
“i have a sweater in the car, should we...” he says it because he wants to spend more time together, that part is obvious. he could've very much you suggest you go to bed, put on warm sweats of your own and call it a night. but in reality, he wasn't ready for his night with you to end and neither were you, which is why you're standing to follow him.
the walk to his jeep isn't long, he parked close to the entrance out of his need for efficiency. he was set to leave early tomorrow morning, had spent the better half of the day loading up his car. it only made sense that it would be parked a few feet away. his arm settles over your shoulders as you walk, a comfortable silence falling over you and you're finally finding the courage to ask him what you've been wondering for the past hour and a half.
“did you forget to write me a letter?” you try to keep your tone playful, masking the echoing doubts in your mind. everyone had a letter, each passed out one by one and you watched jay hand out a letter to each one of your friends. yet, the one that he should've written for you never came. you don't miss the smile that breaks onto his features, a soft laugh falling from his lips as he shakes his head. “no, god no. i just couldn't stop rewriting it,” that peaks your interest. because, yes there must've been unspoken feelings when he sat down to write it, but actually rewriting it felt different.
it took you a good three hours to decide what you were going to say to him. everything you decided just felt too elementary, but even still you only wrote one draft. and that was the one tucked away somewhere in his cabin. “you did? how many did you write?” you're reaching his car just as the question leaves the lips and he shrugs, pulling the car door open before leaning in.
“nine.” he says it so casually, half his body in his car, your eyes are widening anyway. “nine!? you wrote me nine letters!? jay...” he's standing with a black sweater clutched in his hands. it's one you recognize right away, he's worn it enough for you to. just a simple black hoodie with 'miami' written in bold red letters, the word cut off by the deep-v cut into the neckline. he's easily pulling it over your head, guiding your arms into it.
it's such a simple gesture but it's so jay that your heart flutters. hand reaching down to find the side of his neck as he straightens the hem of his sweater against your thighs. you're gently pulling him toward you, to plant a soft kiss to his lips which he returns instantly, arm wrapping around your waist to pull you into him. “nine letters?” you're saying again as he pulls away and his face breaks into a soft smile.
“relax, you're only getting one.” he's reaching back into his car, rummaging through a bag before pulling out the folded piece of paper. number nine. the final draft of his goodbye letter to you, but it felt outdated now for some reason. still, he's handing it over to you with a sad smile. “read it later,” he feels the need to clarify, traumatized by heeseung's traditional presentation.
you're tucking the letter safely into the pocket of his hoodie and silence falls between the two of you. it's a charged silence that holds the words that neither of you are willing to say. instead his eyes stay trained on you as your eyes drift into the back of his jeep. slowly, you're stepping forward to get a better look. and the sight makes your chest tighten. boxes stacked neatly on top of one another, duffel bags shoved into every available corner of his trunk. his guitar. his backup guitar. binders upon binders of sheet music. seven years packed into the back of a car. your breath catches in your throat as you're eyes shift to look back at him, body leaning against the frame of the open car door.
“so... this is really it, huh?” jay follows your gaze, a soft sigh falling from his lips as he nods. “yeah, i guess so,” you feel the way your heart drops, which is stupid, because you had known he was leaving. for the past three months it's all he could talk about. grad school, apartment hunting, moving dates. the weather in his new city, he was never not talking about leaving. but somehow seeing it packed into the back of the car hit differently. it felt real. “it's like you fit your whole cabin into your car, looks weird...”
jay lets out a quiet laugh through his nose, hand lifting to rest just above your head against the car. “tell me about it. my cabin looks weirder, all empty.” your eyes drift back to the boxes, trying hard not to picture how his cabin would look empty. you poked your head in too many times to see if he was around to now think of the reality of him never being around again.
“you did this all day?” you say it just to make conversation, because you have nothing else to say that didn't feel totally depressing. and jay seems to catch on, because he is playing along. he nods simply, lips pulling into his mouth as his eyes drift back to you. “yeah, some of it yesterday.”
“you cried, huh?” you tease and that manages to pull another pretty laugh for him, “i absolutely did not,” he defends halfheartedly, but you're not buying it. “oh, now i know you cried. you're such a liar,” your eyes narrow up at him and that has him laughing even harder and for a second it almost feels normal again. but then your eyes are drifting back, catching sight of his guitar case again.
you're changing the subject quickly. “you know...” your voice trails off, forcing a smile on your lips. “i thought you hated me for like the first two weeks.” jay's head snaps toward you so fast it makes you laugh, his brows raised high toward his hairline. “are you serious?” he says through a laugh, your hand slaps against his chest. “yes! did you forget about how you'd avoid me? and ignore me, even if i was talking directly to you.”
he's laughing, eventually nodding along. because it was true. the first few weeks he couldn't even be around you without his brain short-circuiting and when he'd try to say something, anything – he found himself getting tongue tied more often than not. but still, “you were impossible to ignore. but, yes. i did try.” he had it in his head if he just didn't talk to you, then his feelings wouldn't grow. he was so wrong.
“you'd walk into a room and all of a sudden everyone's attention would be on you. including mine.” his eyes drop to his hoodie and how it swallows your frame, covering up one of your many pretty dresses. then slowly back up to your face, you're staring up at him with the same heart eyed expression you've been giving him all summer. “you flirted with me constantly too, even when i tried not to look your way,” you're laughing, arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.
“i had a feeling it would end up being effective,” you grin and he's smiling, hand lifting to rest on the small of your back. “trust me, it was. it was all i could talk about with heeseung,” but never to you. he never gave away to the slightest bit of interest and that drove you insane every single day. it almost bothered you more that he waited until the last day to finally say something. he could've just left you clueless, able to move on and say that you tried. because you did try, so hard.
and for some reason him waiting until there was no time left to meet you halfway just didn't feel fair. the pout is forming on your lips before you can fight it, hand resting on his cheek. “i wouldn't change a second of this summer, truly. i loved meeting everyone and spending my days with you.” it's hard to ignore the sadness in your eyes, the obvious way you're fighting back tears as you speak. “but, fuck, jay... i wish we had more time,”
he knows exactly what you mean without you having to say it. you spent all summer wanting him, loudly. but every time he caught himself wanting you back, he'd find a reason to keep his distance. to walk away, to play it safe. he'd find a reason not too look too long, not too linger in conversations with you. especially if they were about your shared love for music.
he was so strategic in the way he interacted with you, careful not to let himself enjoy the way your fit lit up whenever you spotted him hanging out in his cabin. he had spent months convincing himself that this was the right way, that he was doing the right thing. the smart thing. that all of this would be easier if he kept his distance, and maybe that would've been true if tonight never happened.
because standing here now, knowing exactly what it feels like to kiss you, makes what should've been an easy goodbye feel impossible. “well,” he's saying with a soft smile, arm lifting so his wrist is in view. and you follow his gaze to the watch on his wrist. “it's only... 2:49AM. there's still five hours and eleven minutes until it's over.” he says with a proud smile, probably at his mental math and that has you laughing softly. “what should we do with that time?” his finger taps at his chin and you're tilting your head to the side.
without missing a beat, you're leaning up to press your lips against his. he's kissing back instantly. his hands fall down to grasp your hips, easily pulling your body against his. your worries about tomorrow seem to melt away as soon as his lips are on yours, your fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck as you hold him to you. jay kisses you with a rushed, starved almost desperate need and it makes it difficult for you to focus on anything but him.
his tongue is pushing past your lips easily, brushing against yours before he's changing his mind and catching your lower lip between his teeth instead. you're gasping, the sound pulling a soft chuckle from his mouth. it dies on your tongue. “you're so perfect,” he sighs, hand resting against the side of your face as he leans back enough to look at you. he's easily tilting your head to the side with his hand, revealing more of your neck to him.
his head is dropping to the side, soft lips finding your skin. salty from the lake but he sucks kisses against the length of it. “jay,” you're gasping, hand reaching out to clutch the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling him close. and his arm tightens around your waist, holding you tight against him as his lips roam your skin. he's focusing his lips just above your collarbone, sucking the skin into his mouth and it has your head lulling back. his body shifts, hands tracing the curves of your body before he's carefully lifting you into the backseat.
it's cramped between all his bags and boxes, and the idea of his new life. but he's climbing in behind you, letting the door slam behind him. closing the two of you in to your own private space and you're on him instantly. his back hits the door from the force of your lips, a soft laugh falling from both of your lips. you kiss him desperately, every push of your lips screaming finally and all he can do is try to keep up. he groans as your hands sneak underneath the fabric of his shirt, nails dragging over his stomach.
your tongue pushes and twists against his, his hands shoving his hoodie and your dress out of the way. his fingers spread over the skin of your ass, squeezing gently and the moan you let out has his dick jumping. jay is easily pulling you further onto him with the grip he has on your ass. it's so uncomfortable, you've got your legs on either side of his waist, he's hanging half way off of the seat, back pressed against the door. all of the crap from his cabin surround your bodies, making it that much more difficult to move. yet, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
not when you were hovering over him like this, panting into his mouth while pushing your ass back into the palms of his hands. “oh, fuck.” he's sighing when your lips trail down the length of his jaw, you follow the same pattern as he had before. sucking kisses into is skin, before grazing your teeth over it. focusing on a particular sensitive bit while your hips grind down onto his. a low, untamed growl catches in his throat as he feels the way your body moves against his.
the thin material of your bikini bottoms doing very little to mask the wet heat dripping from between your legs and onto his shorts. his head dips down to find your lips, mouth covering yours quickly and he wastes no time with licking into your mouth. jay's easily pulling you into a deep, needy, almost frantic rhythm that has your head spinning. you're moaning, hips pressing roughly against his. the length of his cock presses delicious against your clothed clit and your hips roll toward his, body shuddering as pleasure spreads throughout your core.
“oh my god,” you're whining into his mouth, hips moving frantically against his. he does his best to lift his hips to meet yours, fingers digging in to the flesh of your ass as heat rises up his neck. “you feel so... holy shit,” he's grunting, head falling back to rest against the door as you basically bounce on his lap. through hooded eyes, he watches the way your body moves against his. the needy roll of your hips paired with the look on your face just makes him harder.
you've got your lip tucked between your teeth, head dipped back as your hands travel up your torso. they find your breasts almost instantly and he watches as you squeeze and toy with them through fabric. he finds it hot how you refused to take off his sweater despite how much you probably want to. your hips move swiftly, pretty moans filling the cramped car as his hard length drags between your folds.
his hips lift to meet each one of your movements, using the grip on your body to press you down harder against him. every last bit of restraint has snap, he's no longer able to hold himself back. chest rising and falling in untimed breaths as a flush creeps onto his cheeks. he tries and fails to hold his whimpers back, but the way you're moving just feels too good. or he's just too sensitive, either way the pressure builds at the pit of his stomach and it's impossible to ignore.
and to make matters worse, jay can tell you're close too just from the unfocused timing of your hips and the helpless whines you're letting out. “jay,” you're gasping, fist clutching the fabric of his shirt as he watches the way your eyes roll back, your thighs squeezing together the best you can with his body between them. and he's quickly deciding he'd rather feel you cum, rather than see it.
“wait, baby... wait.” jay is shifting up, hands moving down to your thighs, stilling your movements. and he finds the pout that takes over your features especially cute, he's pressing a soft kiss to it without thinking. “i want to feel you,” he says simply. he's carefully leaning you back, your body resting against the boxes behind you as he moves to hover above you now.
his fingers sneak underneath the hem of your dress, latching onto the strings of your bottoms as his eyes drag up to look at you. you're shooting a nervous smile in his direction that has his heart softening. “is this okay?” he's asking softly, slowly tugging at the strings. you're nodding quickly, “please, jay.” you're breathing out, hips lifting off of the car seat to make it easier for him.
jay's letting out a soft chuckle before dragging your bottoms down your legs, tossing them somewhere behind him. his eyes drop down to catch the way your folds glisten, large hands pushing the hoodie and your dress up toward your belly button. “fuck,” he sighs with a shake of his head and you feel the heat rising in your cheeks, feeling unbelievably vulnerable under his lustful gaze. he's leaning forward, nose dragging along the length of your neck before his tongue pushes out to drag against your skin.
his hand slides expertly between your legs as his mouth moves to suck a hickey into your skin. your legs spread almost instinctively, moaning as his fingers trace between your folds. “you're so fucking wet,” he's groaning, fingers pushing slowly past your entrance. the warmth of your pussy surrounds his fingers as he slides in all the way to the knuckle. your hips lift to meet his hand and he's grinning down at you. “does it feel good? having my fingers stretch you out?” he asks softly as he curls his fingers inside you.
your walls clamp down around them, head bobbing in a nod. “yes... f-fuck, jay. it feels so good,” you're admitting. jay's fingers thrust deep inside of you, thumb pressing against your clit before he's rubbing slow cirlces against it. it's not long before he's falling into a steady rhythm, free hand lifting to hold your hips still as his fingers fuck into you. you're whining softly, legs spreading wide for him. “jay...” you're pleading, yet you have no idea what you're asking for.
his eyes lift to find yours, head tilting to the side slightly. “what, baby?” he grins, speeding up the movement of his hand and easily pulling a loud gasp from your lips. the sound of his chuckle follows, his eyes dropping back to your pussy. you're basically dripping around his fingers walls pulsing with each thrust. “i need... more, jay please.” your words break on a desperate cry, his fingers scissoring inside of you as his thumb presses harder against your clit.
“whatever you want,” he says, but the truth was he couldn't wait much longer either. not with this insistent throb between his legs, and the way you were looking up at him, so needy and ready. he had waited long enough for a moment like this with you, he was done waiting. jay pulls his hand away slowly, hands flying to push his shorts out of the way. his wet hand wrapping around his thick length and you watch as he strokes himself slowly, coating his shaft with your arousal.
the sight makes your mouth water. he stays knelt there for a few moments, just rubbing his hand over himself and watching you and the intensity in his stare makes your body hot. “spread your legs for me,” he's saying after a minute and you're separating your knees without a word, pussy clenching at the groan he lets out. “jay. fuck me, please.” you're whining, hand dropping down the length of your body to spread your folds for him, showing him just how badly you needed him.
he's leaning forward quickly, mouth covering yours in a needy kiss as the bulbous head of his cock bumps against your fingers. he takes his time with lining himself up with your tight hole, pushing his hips forward slowly until he's feeling you stretch around him. you have to remind yourself to relax as he pushes forward, breathing through the pain that comes with each inch of him. your fingers clutch his hair the moment that he's bottoming out and he feels the way your body stiffens.
“relax, baby. take your time.” he soothes, hand stroking your hair gently as he watches you adjust. he leans down to press soft kisses against your skin. switching between sucking hickeys into your neck and twisting his tongue with yours. he waits patiently for you to loosen up for him, but the moment he feels you shifting, he's taking that as his go and thrusting his hips forward. “fuck!” you shout, back arching as much as it can and he's pinning you back down with his hips.
slowly, he's pulling his hips back, allowing you to feel every rigid inch of his cock. “you're squeezing me so tight,” he says before he's quickly slamming back in. your body jerks, hips lift, whines falling from your lips as he falls into a steady pace. your hands are on his shoulders, nails dragging against his skin. jay fucks into you slowly and incredibly deep. his grip is tight on your waist, dragging your body down onto him with each thrust. his face remains buried in your neck, mouthing at your skin as his cock splits you open.
you feel him so deeply, he's no longer holding back and the desperate movement of his hips has an electric need shooting through your body. you needed to be closer. needed to feel him deeper. needed his hands on you like this forever. his teeth bite into your skin, muffling the long groan threatens to slip out and you're matching it with a needy whimper. his thrusts become brutal, hips snapping against yours in a overwhelmingly rough pace. your nails drag over the muscles of his back, legs spreading wider for him as desperate cries fill the car.
“jay, oh my god. i'm gonna...” you don't know if you should push him away or pull him closer, heat spreading throughout your body as the knot at the pit of your stomach tightens. jay keeps up with the pace as best he can, hand dropping down to find your clit again and he rubs figure eights into the sensitive bud. his head lifts so he can watch the way your face contorts in pleasure.
your orgasm tears through your body, eyes rolling all the way to the back of your head as your back arches off of the seat. it's unlike anything you've felt before, body going numb as his hips continue to move between your thighs – fucking you through it. “god, look at you.” he sighs, burying himself deep inside of you, balls slapping against your ass with each thrusts. he moves until you're coming down for your high, watching the way your body relaxes in his arms. and only then is he pulling back, slowly drawing his hips away from your body and twisting his body so he's sitting upright on the seats.
“fuck,” he breathes, hand wrapping over his cock to keep it from falling limp. “i had the craziest cramp in my leg,” he says through a laugh, eyes shifting to find you. you're half way off of the seat, back resting against a box and hair falling messily around your face. “you okay?” he asks, smiling softly the second you're nodding. his free hand reaches out toward you, beckoning you over with a grin.
you're lifting slowly, allowing his arm to wrap around his waist and for her to tug you onto his lap. “come ride me, i'm almost there,” there's quiet begging in his tone as he lifts your body slightly, enough to pull you into his lap. your heart jumps, body freezing as you stare over at him with wide eyes. “oh, uhm... i've never? i don't think i know how...” you feel the heat rising in your cheeks and jay's brow furrows at your words.
“you've never rode someone before?” he asks because it sounds almost insane. of course you've rode someone before. he takes in the look in your eye, the shy blush that darkens your cheeks. “well, no... that was my first time,” you say sheepishly and his eyes are flying open, his hand falling from his cock to push his hair back on his forehead. “what?” he says it, even though he's positive he heard you clearly.
he just couldn't believe it. didn't even stop and consider it. and now he feels terrible because he just took your virginity like it was nothing. like it was something you could just hand out. it should've been special, he should've made it special. “yn, you can't lose your virginity in the back of my car!?” you're laughing at his distress, the wrinkle between his brow as they furrow in pure worry.
you don't know why you find him so cute this way. your shoulders lift in a shrug, hands settling on his shoulders. “too late?” you're saying through your laughter and he's shooting you a pointed look. “not funny, yn. i should've been gentle,” you're quick to shake your head, hands covering his cheeks as you lean down to press a soft kiss to his lips. he kisses you back slowly, hands resting on your waist much lighter now. you're pulling back slowly, head tilting slightly.
“come on, you already took it. don't clam up now,” you're leaning down to plate a kiss to his lips that has his worries melting away. your tongue wrapping around his, fingers curling in his hair as you lift your hips to climb further up on his lap. his head rests on the back of the chair when you pull away, looking up at you through his lashes as your hand reaches down wrapping around his cock. his hips twitch as you position his head at your entrance, “teach me,” you say with a pout and just like that his restraint is gone.
again.
–
you're not heading back to jay's cabin until the sun is already peaking over the mountains. it's weirdly empty, just like you imagined. his bed made in the middle of the room. he doesn't let you dwell on the look of it for too long, not wanting you to sleep too deep in your thoughts while you're having such a good time. he's pulling you into bed beside him, easily tucking your body into his as the two of you finally drift off to sleep.
and you stay like that in his arms for god knows how long. your head on his chest and his arm wrapped securely around your waist. he doesn't dare move, even when sleep finally takes over. which doesn't last as long as he would have hoped, his alarm blaring at exactly 7:15am. he's careful not to wake you as he slips out of bed, showering and changing his clothes as you shift and pull at his sheets. you don't even budge when he's making his bed, or when he's taking the last bag out of his room and into his car.
there's so much more he wanted to say. and he hated that he had no more time. for a long while, jay just stands there. keys in hand as his eyes scan over his empty cabin, save for you curled beneath his blankets. the morning sun peaks in through his window, golden streaks fanning across the bed. and you don't even shift. you're dead asleep, drooling onto his pillows and the sight has a soft laugh falling from his lips.
“wow,” he's shocked because even like this, smushed face and messy hair – you still look so pretty. he should leave, he needed to get on the road before the gps estimated a different arrival time. there were a list of things that he needed to get done back at his apartment before he was heading to the airport, he needed to leave. instead, he's making his way back into the cabin. setting his keys back on his desk before pulling out the blank notebook from one of the drawers, stealing a page.
he starts writing. the words coming to him much easier now that he's no longer hold back. he's ran out of reasons not to tell you exactly how he feels. he spent the last nine drafts trying to sound reasonable and failed every single time. because, this wasn't reasonable. falling for you was the most unreasonable thing that he has ever done, but he loved every second of it.
jay doesn't stop once as he writes, not a single typo. his feelings hit the page unfiltered, for the first time all summer. he's saying everything that he's wanted to, to you, about you. for you. he doesn't make a single edit. every for sentences, his eyes would drift over to where you lay, curled in his hoodie and drowning in his sheets. and then three more sentences would come to mind, two more after that. he writes until he's filled the entire page and then some more on the back.
once he's finished he's folding it carefully, slipping it into an envelope before scribbling something across the front. he's moving to stand beside the bed one last time, setting the note on his empty pillow before his eyes drift over to you. the urge to wake you up hit him intensely, he wanted so badly to say goodbye properly, to steal one more kiss, one more touch, one more hour. but he knew that was wrong. that he'd end up wanting to stay longer, actually seeing him walk away might hurt you more.
so he doesn't. he just sets his hand on your head softly, brushing your hair back so he's able to press a soft kiss to your forehead. his lips linger there for a moment, silently hoping that you'd wake up on your own. and when you don't, he's standing. he grabs his keys from his desk, takes one final look at you, before he's heading out of the cabin, closing the door tight behind him.
you're stirring awake two hours later. the first thing you notice is that you feel warm, surrounded by jay's familiar scent. you sink further into the mattress, sunlight spilling from the windows and warming your skin and for a few seconds you don't open your eyes. instead, you nuzzle yourself into jay's warmth as moments from the night before flood your memory.
playing with jay in the lake. kissing jay against the rocks. jay holding you by the fire. walking with jay to his car, his arm around your shoulders. jay fucking you in that same car, in so many different ways. you could still feel the stretch of him between your legs. a smile spreads across your lips, remembering exactly how he felt beneath you as you rode him for the first time ever. and you're suddenly filled with the need to try it again. to feel him again.
you're reaching out before your mind can tell you differently, eyes snapping open when your hand is met with nothing but emptiness. your eyes find the clock sat on his nightstand, reading the flashing numbers that stare back at you. 10:17AM. your stomach drops, a deep frown replacing the sleepy smile you had been wearing before. “oh,” you're sighing as realization hits, jay was gone.
you knew he'd be leaving early, he told everyone that he was going to be gone before anyone was really waking up. but despite knowing, not seeing him beside you still stings. slowly you're sitting up in his bed, the over-sized hoodie shifting over your shoulders as you reach to rub at your eyes. everything feels heavy, your heart thumps uselessly in your chest as your eyes scan over the room.
he was really gone. the bathroom had been emptied out this morning, his desk was completely cleared off, posters torn down and folded neatly. there was no trace of him left in this room besides you and the fact that he took everything and left you behind has your throat tightening. your eyes drift back toward his pillow, eyes furrowing at the sight of the crisp envelope that laid on top of his blue pillowcase. you're reaching for it quickly, reading over the words written across the front of the envelope. “make it ten versions,” you read and you don't waste a second before tearing the note open.
❝ yn.
i've written this goodbye letter to you so many times that i almost forgot the point of it. the first few letters sounded like i was giving you a college recommendation... then i got too emotional about leaving the music lodge in your care. the third version was so embarrassingly raw that if you ever somehow read it i'd most likely evaporate where i stand. the one that I gave you, version nine, was the one that felt the most honest to me. at least at that time. now, it just feels like it was written by someone else.
someone that was still pretending he hadn't fell for you. i spent the last three months pretending that i wasn't looking for you in every room. pretending that i was fine with keeping things professional. wasted so much time pretending that i didn't feel the same way that you did and i think i owe you an apology for that. i owe you a lot of apologies, honestly.
i'm sorry that i waited until the last day to make a move. i'm realizing now, seated at my desk and you snoring behind me that, that was the wrong move. i should've said something sooner, i shouldn't have let you wonder if you were the only one with the crush. or at least stuck to my guns, said nothing, and left quietly. because this sucks so much worse. leaving after just one night of getting to know how it feels to be with you feels horrible. but i don't regret it, don't get me wrong. i'm happy that our last night together was every bit of perfect, i just wish i got it together sooner. for the both of us.
and that brings me to my next apology. i'm sorry that you spent all summer being brave enough for the both of us. you were so loud about your feelings, you never hid, you flirted with me in front of everyone despite their teasing. you made your feelings so clear and gave me every opportunity to meet you halfway and i kept coming up with excuses not to.
i convinced myself that keeping my distance would be best for the both of us. there was no point in starting something that i couldn't finish, but i realize now i was too focused on that small detail. because while the future was clear and we both knew this summer would end, we could've still enjoyed each other for three full months rather than one night. that's my fault, i'm sorry i robbed us of that.
for the last seven years, this place has been my home away from home. i know the walls, i know the smells, every last detail is engraved in my brain like a sixth sense. so naturally, i figured no longer having it as a constant would be the hardest thing of all, the thing that i'd miss most. but now i'm realizing (again) that i was wrong, because what i'm going to miss most is you.
i'm going to miss the way your face lights up when you talk about music, the way you manage to make every conversation last twice as long as they should. your laugh, your smile, the taste of your lips. i'm going to miss how warm you felt sleeping against me. and most of all, i'm going to miss all the things that i want to experience with you and now know it's too late.
fuck, i hate that it's too late...
for the first time ever, i have no idea what will happen next. because as you read this, i'm probably already on the road, heading home or toward the airport and even though, i know that has always been the plan, i can't help but wonder if i should be doing something different. or if it's stupid to make such huge life changes over someone you just met. for the first time ever, i don't trust my own plan and that scares the shit out of me.
but i kind of like it, because if there's one thing this summer taught me, one thing that you taught me... it's that all of life's best moments happen when you stop trying to control them. it took me until last night to realize it, that's why i kissed you when i did. none of that was part of the plan, but i'm so happy that i let myself enjoy being with you, even if it was just once.
i know i don't have to tell you this, but don't worry too much about me... enjoy your school year, enjoy your life. go on all the dates, make new friends and be as happy as you can possibly be. i hope that one day the universe will bring us back together, but in the meantime... keep my hoodie safe. it looks better on you, anyway.
diet pepsi ⸺ camp counselor!jay (sounds to scenes collection)
( ★ ) ⸻ jay spent the entire summer pretending that he wasn't into you. ignoring every single one of your advances, because it made sense. you were younger. he was leaving. it just wouldn't work out. avoiding you just made the most sense. until he's letting himself slip on your last night together and he's quickly realizing that he's made a huge mistake.
۶ৎpairing: mentor!jay x mentee!reader ۶ৎgenre: heavy angst... smut. summer camp au. age gap (reader is 18, jay is 24). established relationships. ۶ৎtw: smut (mdni!) descriptive making out, loss of virginity, mutual pining. unexpected heeseung closure. fingering, dry humping. slight dirty talk. unresolved feelings. cortis!martin makes an appearance. bnd!jaehyun. car sex. subtle masturbation (m.), relationship ending. gone the next morning... post sex abandonment? unprotected sex (not in this economy pls). ۶ৎwc: 16.5k+
⸻ playlist | diet pepsi. addison rae, bound. the ponderosa twins plus one, late night talking. harry styles, electric love. borns, love grows (where my rosemary goes). edison lighthouse, tenerife sea. ed sheeran, perfect places. lorde, bad habit. steve lacy, get you. daniel caesar ft. kali uchis, summertime sadness. lana del rey, vienna. billy joel, the scientist. coldplay.
by the time the sun was setting, camp barely looked like camp anymore. the campers that had spent the past three months running from cabin to cabin had been picked up hours ago. said cabins cleaned up and empty, ready for the winter that slowly crept around the corner. the lake was still. for the first time all summer, there wasn't a schedule to follow, no activities, no headcounts. no one asking where the arts-and-crafts supplies were. you and the eleven other counselors were the only ones left, closing out the summer with a well deserved bonfire barbecue.
martin, sakai and jaehyun dragged picnic tables to the beach before setting the folding chairs up to surround the fire, while jungwon set up his speaker, viv and lex arguing about whose playlist should be shuffled. the smell of charcoal hung heavy in the air as heeseung started up the grill, expertly cutting thick pieces of beef while brin stole bites directly off the serving tray.
he's rolling his eyes the third time her tongs chase his, “those are for everybody,” he grumbles, she nods with a grin – pushing a big piece past her lips. “mhm!” she's reaching for another piece, but he's nudging her away with his hip. she easily reaches around him, popping the pork into her mouth before he can steal it back. “brin.” he tries to sound stern, but the natural softness of his voice never leaves him. “you've eaten like a full cow by now,” he jokes and she grins wide up at him, shoulders lifting in a shrug.
“put more on,” she says simply.
mindless chatter is heard all throughout the beach, a red solo cup clutched in every hand. sunoo is stationed behind a folding table he deemed the bar, two coolers hidden underneath filled with juice and several bottles that had been hidden for the better half of the summer and an obnoxious amount of fruit. mia argues as he hands her drink over, “you shouldn't eyeball vodka,” she nags and he's snorting out a laugh. “it literally won't matter in ten years, just drink.” he encourages, repeating what had become his mantra these last few days.
and no matter how scary that sounded, he was right. all the moments that seemed huge, everything that made you cry, smile, laugh – most likely wouldn't even matter ten years from now. but that's what made every last moment that much more special, what made the goodbyes that you all knew were looming that much more devastating. because despite promising to stay in touch, you all knew that this was all temporary and in ten years, everything would be so different. you all would be completely different.
you sit close to the fire with the other girls as the chaos settles, slowly rotating a marshmallow over the flames. the heat warming the bare skin of your thighs left by the dress you picked this morning. subconsciously putting more thought into your appearance, knowing what tonight meant. it was the last night, yes, but it always was a last chance. so you’re choosing the strapless dress that hugged your frame, a bright orange with pretty pink flowers scattered over it, the colors seeming to pop against your sun-kissed skin.
you hoped you looked as pretty as you felt and that a certain someone took notice, the moment he's drifting into your thoughts – your eyes shift to where he stands. leaning casually against one of the surfboards, head tipped back as he laughs at something jungwon said. jongseong park. jay. you remember reading his name on the welcome sheet on your very first day, the man in charge of the music lodge and all of the instruments inside. your mentor for the next three months and the man who you'd be replacing at the end of the summer when he left for grad school.
that's what he was introduced to you as, but after meeting him, after spending every single day with him for the last ninety-two days, he had become so much more. he was funny, smart, kind, generous and extremely talented. the kids loved him, looked up to him and he gave them a good reason to with how patient and encouraging he was with every last one of them. he was an all around good guy and him being without a doubt the hottest guy you've ever laid eyes on only added to that.
jay was sexy without even trying to be, from his facial expressions to the way his fingers moved over the strings of his guitar, everything he did seemed to draw you in. and god you were so bad at hiding it. from day one, you couldn't keep your eyes from finding him in the crowd, couldn't mask the insistent blush of your cheeks or the way giggles would slip past your lips before you could even think twice.
and the craziest part of all of it, was that he also seemed interested in you. you never missed the way the touches would linger, the way his eyes would drop to your lips before snapping back up to your eyes. you've even caught him watching you from the pier one night when you and the other girls went out for a late swim. but you never once made a move, just treaded dangerously close to the line and it all but drove you insane.
“you're drooling,” you hear from beside you and your body startles, nearly dropping your marshmallow into the fire. viv laugh besides you, leaning into your shoulder as she does. you can already feel the heat rising in your cheeks. “no i'm not,” you uselessly defend and she nods as if she actually believes you, “why don't you go say something?” brin makes an attempt at whispering, leaning across viv to look at you.
you feel the anxiety blooming in your chest before she's even finishing her sentence, “are you crazy!?” while you were like 89% sure jay also thought you were cute, there was still that 11% chance that he was just being nice. and you were terrified by that 11%. viv lifts her drink to her lips, taking a big gulp of it before she's setting in the sand, deciding she was done with it. “he leaves tomorrow... forever.” she reminds with a pointed look. “and then in ten years, none of this will matter...”
as if he could sense he was being talked about, jay's eyes drift in your direction. not even half surprised that he caught you and the other girls staring, it sort of been the theme of the summer. and the way he wiggles his fingers in a slight wave makes everything worse, because you're gasping, marshmallow actually hitting the ground as laughter erupts between your friends.
the night stretches just like that, conversations bouncing between you, drinks and food being passed and lingering stares between you and jay that everyone else pretending they didn't notice. by the time the sky was dark and the stars were twinkling, everything seemed to settle. the feeling of finality that everyone had been avoiding thickening with each flicker of the fire.
“i can't believe i won't be back here next year,” heeseung says, earning a chorus of loud eye rolls from each of you. he's only mentioned it a trillion times in the past three months. “oh my god, wait! it's your last summer!?” lex fakes a gasp that has laughter spreading, heeseung lifts his middle finger in her direction while brin slaps at her shoulder playfully. “cut him some slack, he's been here since they filled the lake.” she teases.
jungwon is quick to interject, a smirk playing on his lips. “nah, that was jay. he poured the water in himself, one cup at a time,” he punctuates his words with a tip of his own cup, letting the last few drops of his liquor hit the sand. “seriously, though, we're going to miss you guys.” sakai starts and you can already hear the quiver in her tone. “it's going to be so weird not smelling brin making bacon before sunrise, or hearing jay fighting with the kids for hiding his drumsticks, no more heeseung waking us up past midnight for ramyeon...” her lips form a pout before she can even finish her thought and you're reaching over to hug her.
“aw.” martin coos, setting down his drink before clapping his hands together. “think tonight calls for some goodbye speeches,” agreement is immediate and it's not long before brin is standing. she talks about her love for the camp, when she started and how close she's become with every one of you, highlighting funny moments, sad ones and ones that she swears she'll never forget. heeseung follows, starting with “i can't believe this is my last summer...” and ending with the same words, head shaking.
jay stands next and you feel the way your heart flutters for no good reason. his hand rubs at the back of his neck, teeth tugging at his lower lip as he fought to put the right words together. he looked handsome, face lit by the fire, hair dyed blond after losing a dare to one of the campers on the first week. it suited him. “i hate public speaking,” jungwon leads the chorus of boos that follow his words, pulling a laugh from him which seems to ease the tension between his shoulders.
he continues on despite the thump in his chest, despite knowing you're sat less than a few feet away, watching him. “honestly, this place has been home for a long time. i started when i was seventeen?” he ignores the groans that come from the group, out of all the counselors, he's been there the longest and he never let them forget it. “get off the stage, unc!” jungwon shouts, hands cupped around his mouth.
jay's eyes drift from the lake, over to the music lodge sitting at the edge of the camp, back to the friends he's grown closer to every summer. and then to you and the way you smile at him has him losing his train of thought for a full three seconds. “seriously, though, i've spent almost every summer here and i thought that would make leaving harder but it isn't. of course, i'll miss the campers, you guys and obviously my music room, but...” his eyes are back on yours and everyone notices the way his gaze, “i think the reason it's kind of easy is because i know everything i love is being left in good hands,” exaggerated gasps are heard around the fire.
jay does his best to ignore them, eyes never breaking from yours. his gaze said everything he had been swallowing for the past few months, mixed with the regret of not having the courage to make a move sooner. stood in his own way each and every time. “yn, i'm so relieved to know you'll be the one replacing me. you're so good with the kiddos, you're smart, funny... patient and creative... way more organized that i've ever been. thank you for making leaving a little bit easier, i appreciate you,” an unmistakable blush has settled on his cheeks and he's moving to sit, “and you look pretty in all your dresses,” the words are jumbled together, alcohol giving him just enough courage to mumble what he had been thinking every morning you walked into the music lodge.
the silence lasts for less than a second before obnoxious cheers erupt through the group. “better late than never!” jaehyun whistles, while sunoo claps wildly beside him. apparently, he had mentioned it to everyone but you the way they were reacting like it was this long awaited thing. it was. you ignore the flutter in your chest long enough to thank him. you can't stop replaying the last three words of his speech: 'all your dresses'. all like every one of them? which meant he had noticed every one. and he thought every one was pretty.
and he waited until the night before he was leaving to say something about it. bittersweet wasn't even the word.
the rest of the evening passes in a blur. all of your crowded around the fire, reminiscing and sharing secrets. it has the expected warm feeling the end of summer would, but you can't seem to fully enjoy it with the way your eyes keep drifting to jay. as the hours tick on, the group starts to break apart around the beach. heeseung and martin had volunteered to get more drinks and jay had hopped up to help, since then the three of them had been seated at the table a few feet away. they're talking quietly but you don't miss the not so discreet way one of them would point in your direction.
viv and mia only make it worse, shoving and hitting your arm wildly when jay finally stands to head toward the coolers. “okay, okay. go now.” you hear one of them say, nearly shoving you off of your chair. and you don't miss the kissing noises they make as you're walking away.
the coolers sit near one of the set up of kayaks that jaehyun swore he'd get put away before sundown. it was ten pm. jay is already crouched beside one when you approach, pushing aside melting ice as he searched for another drink. “hi,” your heart is pounding so rough against your chest, it's all you can muster. you catch the way his hand stills, body stilling for just a second before he's shaking it off – pulling two wine coolers from the ice before standing to face you. he hands one over with the prettiest of smiles.
“hey.” he says through one of his nervous laughs you've gotten so familiar with.
“i liked your speech,” it's all you can think of saying because it's all you can think about. his gaze drops to the sand, a hand lifting to rub at the back of his neck. and for the first time all evening, all summer even – jay actually looks embarrassed. the past three months, you've been the one blushing, the one caught staring, you've been so sure you've been making a fool out of yourself with your loud crush. when it reality, he's been noticing you this entire time too. he was just so much better at hiding it.
his shoulders lift in a slight shrug, “i was just being honest.”
“honest? you were flirting with me,” you accuse playfully and that has his cheeks going pink. “oh my god,” he laughs and it's a real pretty one, it has a smile lifting on your lips almost immediately. his eyes find yours for a moment, but he's quickly finding something else to focus on. and then he's slowly coming back, allowing himself to actually look. his stare is so intense that it has you shifting, searching for something to say, anything to fill the silence. your lips part, but he's beating you to it. “i meant it. i really like you, yn. but...”
he's getting ready to reject you, you can just tell. jay didn't like loose ends and despite all the quiet glances, subtle flirting that you're now just realizing was flirting, he was still leaving in the morning. he was starting a whole new chapter of his life and there could be no maybes left behind. so he needed a clean break. you're interrupting him before he has the chance. “and you said i was pretty in all my dresses. you know, i knew you were staring every morning... you'd always act like you were look at your bon jovi poster,”
jay is letting out a low laugh, “it's a nice poster!” he defends. “but yeah, it was you.” it feels so weird to say out loud, he had been so careful all summer and admitting that he had been admiring you this whole time didn't feel like him. “you looked good in every one. extremely distracting by the way.” he's twisting the cap off of his drink as he speaks, taking a long sip from it.
and you realize why he's not holding back anymore, the semi permanent flush of his cheeks and glossy look in his eye. “every one?” you prompt with a grin, following his lead and taking a sip from your drink too.
he nods without a moment of hesitation, “all of them.” the confidence in his voice catches you off guard, because this was jay we were talking about. the same jay that spent three months carefully putting distance between you every time you got too close. who would find excuses to rush away whenever you'd start flirting with him. the same jay who'd look away whenever you caught him staring, spouting off nonsense facts about bon jovi instead of saying what he truly wanted to.
that jay was looking at you through hooded eyes, gaze dragging over the curves of your body. and a lazy smile stretches on his face that makes your stomach twist. he's nodding his head as if he's confirming a question he had asked himself. “yeah, all of them.” he says quietly. “the long blue one with the slit on the side,” your lips part slightly, the exact morning flashing in your mind. it was only the third day and he called you in early to do one final sweep before the campers were arriving later that day. you remember just throwing the dress on, annoyed that you were up before sunrise when everyone else was sleeping in.
“you remember that?” he's nodding before you're even done speaking. “yeah, you wouldn't stop giving me attitude all day.” he's laughing with a shake of his head. he's taking a step closer, turning so he's facing you fully and you feel your stomach twist. “the white one you wore to the talent show,” he continues, lip tucked between his teeth. he had stood on the other side of the room the entire show, barely speaking two words to you when it was over.
“and...” his head tilts slightly, eyes dragging over you in the way that makes it so painfully obvious that he's been forcing himself not to look at you all summer. he's grinning. “the short orange one you're wearing now,” you actually feel the way your brain short-circuits, eyes wide as your jaw drops. it's usually the other way around, you coming onto him and him ignoring you. so now that the roles were reversed, you have no idea what to do with yourself.
“okay, stop.” you're laughing, hand lifting to slap his shoulder. “what? i can't compliment you? you compliment me all the time.” you shake your head quickly, “tit's different when you do it. especially now.” you point out and jay goes quiet, because he knows you're right. it is different. everything is. summer was over, all the campers were gone, he was leaving tomorrow morning and everything just felt... heavier?
before either of you can say anything else, a scream cuts across the beach. both of you turn at the sound to find sunoo pealing his shirt from his body, sprinting toward the water. “LAST SWIM OF THE SUMMER!” he shouts as he runs. chaos breaks out within seconds, your friends abandoning their drinks and kicking off their shoes. shirts and shorts fly through the air as they reveal the swimsuits they'd been wearing all night.
the firelight flickers across the beach as everyone runs toward the lake. viv jumps on jaehyun's back, his hands clutching her thighs as he runs. jungwon, martin, sakai and lex have already started climbing up a nearby cliff. mia and heeseung are in search of a beach ball. it's so obvious that everyone was trying to drag out time, trying to cram in as many 'lasts' as they could before morning was rolling in and all of this was ending.
you're smiling, gaze shifting back to jay. and you find him already look at you, he smiles brightly before tapping his bottle against yours, tipping it back and swallowing the rest down. you do the same. his head tilts toward the lake once you're finished, brow lifted slightly. “race you,” he's running off before you can even register what he's said, bottle ditched somewhere in the sand and you're quick to follow behind him.
jay's laugh is loud and unrestrained as he runs into the water, pulling his shirt over his head in the process. you've never heard him laugh like that, ever and it's incredibly contagious. your dress joins the liter of clothing at the shoreline as you rush in. the lake is freezing and you're squealing the second it hits your legs. jay turns to face you, he's already fully submerged himself into the water and he's reaching a hand out to you.
“you gotta jump right in,” you've been saying that to him all summer. the irony is funny to you. still, you take hold of his hand and he's easily tugging you toward him. the two of you float there, treading water and staring at each other. it's like he was getting in all the looking he had missed out in the past months. “what?” you're laughing and he's shrugging his shoulder slightly. “just remembering...” you hate the way his words make you feel. you don't want to think about it being the last night, or all the time wasted. so you splash him instead, a hard wave that soaks his hair. jay's laughing, hand pushing his hair back out of his eyes to see that you've swam away and he's quick to swim after you.
you're swimming right through the middle of the impromptu game of water volleyball, jaehyun deciding you're apart of his team and sending jay to join heeseung's side. sunoo teases mia about winning now that they had you and she had jay, she rolls her eyes before roughly serving the ball. it hits jaehyun in the chest and viv shouts from the pier for you all to be careful with her man, brin laughing beside her.
across the lake, jungwon, martin, sakai and lex have made it to the top of the cliff. their voices echo as they argue about what actually counts as a flip. martin deciding to shut them all up by launching himself off of the rock, body flipping naturally in the air whooping loudly just before he's hitting the water with a loud splash and lex follows behind him, looking less graceful but gaining a supportive chant from the girls when she resurfaces.
the game of volleyball melts into a shouting match after the first three rounds, arguments about points that nobody had been even keeping track of in the first place, sunoo swearing that he didn't cheat and heeseung and jay going back and forth about something neither of them seem particularly passion about. the beach ball floats away forgotten by both teams.
eventually, you're paddling your way back toward the dock, pulling yourself up beside viv and brin. water drips from your legs as you stretch them out in front of you, back laying against the warm wood. viv immediately scoots closer, grin wide as her eyes drift to where jay and heeseung fight to pull each other under the water. “so,” you feel the heat rise in your cheeks. “does he like you? does he want to kiss and get married and have five kids?” she's asking and you're barking out a laugh.
“yeah, right.” you roll your eyes. “we didn't say much, really. just that he liked me dresses.” you catch the way brin rolls her eyes, letting out a soft huff. “he's hopeless,” she sighs, but is quickly moving to change the subject, pointing across the lake as sakai shoves jungwon into the water before jumping off behind him. “can you believe she's going to be in charge next year?” brin had spent the past three months training sakai on how to run this place and come next year, she'd be the new head counselor.
viv is shaking her head, “wild. this is the same girl who faked pneumonia to get out of cooking duties, by the way.” you're snorting out a laugh. “i'm going to miss this,” the admission settles between all three of you. waking up and not have your friends right outside your door, no more staying up late to watch the stars. this place somehow became home without any of you noticing and in less than twelve hours it all would be over.
the dock shifts slightly, a large splash following and the sound of jaehyun's laughter. viv is rolling her eyes, kicking her foot out to him but instead of hitting him, he's catching it by the ankle. he's tugging her slightly, earning a swift kick with the other leg. he's laughing. “come here,” his thumb traces her ankle, hand slowly dragging up her calf. “i'm having a conversation,” viv says, gesturing between you and brin.
jaehyun is shrugging quickly. “you can have it in the water,” his fingers tighten around her leg, a sly grin spreading across his lips and anyone can guess what he's thinking. “jaehyun, don't.” he's looking up at her, mischief dancing through his eyes. “what? i'm just touching you. i love you. i can't touch you?” they're ignoring the gagging noises that come from beside them just like they always do.
“i can feel you–” she is not even able to finish her sentence before he's yanking his arm toward him, successfully pulling viv off of the dock and into the water. he catches her instantly, arms around her waist as her legs secure themselves around his waist. “say bye to your friends,” he says already swimming further into the water.
a few feet away, heeseung is waving both his arms in your direction. “are you two planning on sitting there all night?” he shouts with his hands now cupped around his mouth. “maybe!” you're shouting back and he's quickly shaking his head, waving you both over. “get in the water!” brin is quickly pointing at you, despite the fact her legs and hair were still dry. “she doesn't want to,”
“what!? you're still dry,” you point out. she's rolling her eyes, slipping in just as heeseung has started swimming over. you follow behind her. the group gathers together slowly, floating in the middle of the lake as conversations overlap. you're all drifting between each other, talking about plans for the next few weeks, sharing excitement for next year, worries. jungwon's group eventually get their fix of cliff diving and join the rest of you in the water. lex puling herself comfortably on sunoo's back, reaching forward to steal his drink. mia starts another argument this time with sakai about who slept in the most.
and somehow in the midst of all of this, you end up beside jay again, without even fully realizing it. at least that's what you tell yourself when your shoulder bumps against his. one moment, he's laughing at something heeseung says, the very next you're stealing his attention away, in your tiny yellow bikini that barely covers yours ass. he knows. he checked.
you're so close to him, but you're completely enthralled in conversations. laughing loudly and engaging freely. your legs brushes against his whenever a soft wave rolls through and each time neither of you move away or say anything about it. you don't realize that the two of you are floating away at first. you were listening to the others, jungwon's laugh carrying across the water as martin exposes him for never really being on duty.
their voices come and go with the ways, but slowly it seems like they're fading into the background. you shift onto your break, letting the water hold your weight as you stare up at the twinkling stars scattered across the sky. jay stays close to you, tanned skin glistening in the moonlight. his hair is wet and slicked back, dark eyes sparkling as he watches you.
“you stare a lot,” you're pointing out with a laugh.
he's quick to nod his head, not even bothering to deny it. his hands find their way underneath you, floating uselessly beneath your back as if he's holding you up – but not actually touching you. just looking for excuses to be close to you, to touch you. even if it was through the water. “you're so different tonight, i'm not used to this jay.” you're saying after a minute and jay's gaze is dragging up to your eyes.
“am i?” he's asking like it's not the most obvious thing. “yes. you're actually looking at me, complimenting me, not rushing away when i get too close. where was this all summer?” besides the time the two of you spent working together in the music lodge, there were very few times where you were alone. no matter how much you wanted to be. “i was trying really hard to be professional. i'm your mentor.”
“not anymore,” you're quick to point out and you notice the way his eyes drag down the line of your neck to to the swell of your breasts all the way down to the curve of your waist. his eyes catch the gold jewelry that dangles from your navel before he's snapping his eyes back up to yours. “not anymore,” he repeats with a nod. you feel the way the palm of his hand grazes your thigh as he floats closer to you.
you're sure the pounding in your chest can be heard by your friends on the other side of the lake. you try to appear as composed as possible. “so, what else have you been keeping to yourself?” jay's lips shift into a smirk, head tilting to the side slightly. of course you want to know what he's been thinking about you since he was first meeting you. and he's kept his cards so close to his chest up until now, it was only fair. “you want the whole list?”
your head tilts so your able to look at his face fully, eyes wide. “there's a list?”
“a long one,” he's nodding quickly. “like how cute i think you look biting your lip when you play the piano. the way i admired how easily you were able to bond with the kids in our class...” he's actually searching his mind for more things to tell you and you find that unbelievably adorable.
but still, something about all of this just doesn't sit right by you. “why'd you wait so long to say something?” he's letting out a soft sigh, stepping back slightly as his hand rubs at the back of his neck. “i'm leaving in the morning, yn. and i'm not coming back. i mean, i liked you from the start but it didn't seem smart to start something with you i knew i wasn't going to be around to finish.” it made sense. he wasn't coming back, this was his last summer before he went to start his life in new york or california or wherever life took him. this was his past now.
“and i knew you had a crush on me too, it just didn't seem fair.” he's explaining with a sigh and you're nodding, because he's right. you hated to admit it, but he was right. now you knew, though. and you still had the rest of the night. there was no sense in moping around about the fact that this would be the last time you'd see each other when you could be reveling in the time you still had.
you're shifting in the water so you're upright again. “you know, i really thought i was embarrassing myself all summer. turns out you were crushing on me just as bad,” you tease, sticking your tongue out at him that has him smiling. “no, you were.” he's clarifying and you reach over to slap at his chest. “i was not! you kept a mental inventory of my dress collection,” you're pointing out.
“yeah, but i was subtle. you knocked over an entire box of guitar pics when i touched your hand,” the memory makes him smile, you were wearing a green halter dress than, hair pulled into a sleek bun. and you smelt like caramel. “okay, but-” you try to defend yourself, but he's interrupting you. “and let's not forget the time you spilled juice in your lap when i sat by you,” white dress with red and pink flowers all over it. it was ruined. rip.
you embarrassed yourself in front of him more times than you could count and there was denying that, so you don't try to. “you know what,” you're grumbling, hands pushing the water hard enough to send a large splash toward him. it hits him directly in the face, soaking his hair all over again. and you don't miss the dangerous smile on his lips as he reaches up to wipe the water from your eyes, you're already swimming away before he's opening them.
“oh, you're done.” you hear from behind you and you make the mistake of looking back, catching the way he dips under the water. he's scarily fast. you're letting out a squeal as you rush away from him. he's laughing at how easily he's able to close the distance between the two of you. and you hate this version of him. no, actually that was a lie – you hate how much you like this version of him.
this is the jay everyone else around you apparently knew about it. the one that wasn't watching every word or always stepping back. he was no longer trying so hard to keep up with this stiff image of himself, he was just being. and you hate that it took until the very last day for you to finally experience him this way. you're laughing so hard you can barely defend yourself, screaming when jay is finally catching you. “jay!” you shout as he's easily lifting you over his shoulder and tossing you behind his back into the water.
you're resurfacing quickly, jumping onto his back without a bit of hesitation. jay stumbles forward, laughing as you wrap your around his shoulders trying with all your might to get him under the water. “i'm going to fucking drown you,” the threat comes between laughs, ruined by the fact that you're barely even able to move him. “you?” he says amused, a large hand lifting to wrap around the arm you've got around his neck. “are we sure about that?” the confidence in his voice should've been your warning, but you barely have time to question it before he's shaking you off and right back into the lake.
you're bobbing to the surface with a gasp, shoving wet hair from your face as your eyes find jay standing across from you. he's bent over laughing so hard he's basically wheezing, eyes shut as he clutches his stomach and you're taking the chance. you're jumping on him before he can react, sending both of your bodies under the water. you're quick with swimming to the surface, coughing and laughing as jay wipes water from his eyes. “get over here,” his laugh follows his words, and you're instantly swimming away.
you hear the water shifting behind you. way too fast. and you're swimming straight for the rocks, planning on getting out of the water entirely and getting away from him on foot, but you're barely able to touch them when you feel his arm wrap around your waist. he's pulling you toward him swiftly, your spine colliding with his solid chest – hands braced on the rocks in front of you. you were literally trapped between a rock and a hard place. “i warned you,” his voice is right beside your ear and you're suddenly becoming painfully aware of how close you were.
you can feel the way his breathing has changed against your back, hands dropped down to your hips as he holds your body against his. his grip tightens for half a second as another wave rolls between you. you feel him shift behind you, pulling you close and you're gasping when you realize what he's doing. your ass is pressed right against his crotch, his stiffness pressing against your ass. his head tilts slightly, a hand lifting to push your hair off of one shoulder. “done running from me?” he mumbles but you can't even form a proper sentence right now.
you're nodding, breathless, pulse is racing and slowly you're turning around in his arms, hands landing on his shoulders. he looks like he's ready to devour you. hair dripping into his eyes, cheeks flushed and eyes slowly drinking you in. and for once, he's not looking away when your eyes meet. instead, he's moving in closer. your bodies shift until your back is pressed against the rolls and there is no where else for you go besides into him.
his hand lifts from your body, finger latching onto the front strap of your bikini – right between your breasts. he grins at the sound of your breath hitching, the soft gasp you let out when he's tugging you toward him. the water ripples, your chest hits his and he's backing you back against the rock before his leaning down. you can almost hear his resolve snap before his mouth finds yours and you're immediately melting into it.
overhead, jungwon is launching himself off of the cliff after successfully convincing his group to climb back up. his body rotates easily through the air, the best backflip that he's all summer and he can hear the cheer of his friends as they look up at him. and then he's catching movement, seconds before he's about to hit the water. it's you and jay, further from the rest of the group still. standing a bit too close.
he's eyes are widening when jay is lifting his hand, finger hooking into your bikini top and tugging before he's tugging you toward him. “no way,” the words leave his lips just as he's hitting the water, the splash that follows is huge but he can't even reveal in that as he fights to the surface. he swims to the edge of the lake, pulling himself out of the water as he shoves his wet hair from his face. eyes finding the two of you again, still very much kissing. and when he reaches the top of the cliff again, you're in the same spot.
martin is still standing near the edge of the cliff, sakai trying to convince him to belly flop. lex spots jungwon first, brow furrowing. “you said last jump, why you back?” he nearly slips as he rushes toward the edge of the cliff, pointing aggressively down at the water. “look.” martin follows the direction of his finger, sakai tilting her head to the side as she squints and lex crouches down slightly.
“oh my god.”
jay's groaning against your mouth and the sound shoots straight through you. his mouth moves over your swiftly, tongue pushing it's way past your lips. your brain is reeling, completely drowning in the taste of him. everything in the background just ceased to exist, you were no longer worried about tomorrow, or next summer or even your friends that were right behind you. all you could think, breathe, feel was jay.
your mouth tastes like the blueberry wine coolers you've been drinking, you smell like caramel the way you always do, and the way you feel against him is enough to drive just about anyone insane. your arms are around his neck, chest pressed to his and head tilted as your tongue is rolling into his mouth. he doesn't miss the soft whine you're letting out, the sound muffled by his mouth but his dick responds anyway. pressing firmly against you, you're shifting closer.
jaehyun sits on the dock, hands spread out beside him with viv perched between his legs. she's droning on about her new campus and her new roommate that she was so excited to meet. he's half listening, but his attention seems to drift across the water. a habit he's picked up throughout the summer, sort of like canvasing. checking where everyone had ended up, what you're all doing.
brin is floating in the water by heeseung, talking about their first summer here... six years ago. she had these atrocious bangs and braces, he still hadn't even grown into his nose. it was crazy how to two of them grew up. mia and sunoo sit at the edge of the water, legs kicking in front of them as sunoo gushes about finally being reunited with his boyfriend back home.
jungwon, martin, lex and sakai are still on that damn cliff, but instead of doing flips like they had been all night, they're crouched down staring below them. jaehyun follows their gaze and he's nearly falls over when he's seeing what they see. “oh, no way.”
“baby, i'm telling you a story.” viv says from between his legs, turning to look at her man who was clearly no longer paying attention. his hand reaches for her jaw, turning her head in the direction of you and jay. she's gasping, moving quickly like the queen of gossip he knew she was. she's waving her arms dramatically trying to catch mia's attention and it takes less than a few seconds before she's looking over.
'what?' she mouths and viv is pointing in your direction. her eyes land on the two of you instantly and she's grabbing sunoo's arm, pointing across the lake. sunoo is letting out a loud gasp, leaning forward like he's about to charge right over to you. mia is holding him back just in case. “heeseung,” jaehyun is whisper-shouting, catching the older boy's attention pretty quickly.
'look at jay.' he mouths and heeseung's brows are furrowing before both him and brin are turning around. the grin that spreads on his face can only be described as proud. finally. after three months of pining, finally. he has to hold back from applauding his friend.
jay moves like he's been starving for this. hands dropping to your thighs and squeezing roughly until you're taking the initiative and climbing onto him, legs wrapping easily around his waist. he's sucking your lip into his mouth, teeth grazing it as he presses his hips forward, effectively pinning you against the rocks. your hands have made their way into his damp hair, tangled in the strands.
neither of you have any idea that all of your friends bought front row tickets to your first kiss and it's evident in the way jay is shifting his hips forward, half hard cock pressing against him and you're pressing down just as hard. he's humming out a moan and you feel it throughout your body, heat pooling between your legs. his fingers spread against your skin, slowly sliding up your thighs.
you're pulling back just enough to catch your breath, a soft laugh falling from your lips at the dazed look in his eyes. cheeks flushed pink beneath the moonlight, lips swollen from the kiss, chest rising and falling unevenly. droplets of water fall from the hair that covers his forehead. he doesn't say anything, just stands there taking you in. the sight alone has another giggle falling from you lips and that has his gaze dropping to your lips. he's leaning in again before he can think twice about it.
“let her breathe, let her breathe!” sunoo's voice echoes across the lake and you feel jay's body go rigid against you. his eyes squeeze shut as if he's suddenly remembering where he is and the fact that it wasn't just the two of you out there. “that's it! get your man!” mia is whooping, lifting her drink the air as she cheers for you. your shoulders shake, a horrified laugh escaping you as your forehead falls onto jay's shoulder. the sound is quickly swallowed by the shouts that come from your friends.
jay is letting out a low breath through his nose. his head lifting toward the sky for a second with a shake of his head. and when he's looking back down at you, this is the first time you've ever seen him have his composure rocked. usually so calm and careful, but here he looked almost boyish? obviously blushing as the teasing from your friends filled the air. his hands stayed resting on your thighs the entire time, holding your body close to his as jungwon shouts about having seeing it happen first.
“this is so beautiful!” sakai shouts from the top of the cliff, leaning on martin as tears well in her eyes. clearly more emotional about leaving camp than she let on. martin wraps an arm around her waist before leaning forward where jay is able to see him. “look what y'all did! you made kai-baby cry.” he points down at the girl in his arms who also cried after seeing all the beds made this morning.
“kiss again!” jaehyun is shouting from the dock, earning a supportive whistle from viv. the group erupts at the suggestion, childishly chanting 'kiss' as jay stands there mortified. and you think it's hilarious, he looks so cute embarrassed, trying to hide the fact that his heart wasn't pounding and despite how badly he wanted to kiss you, he was all of a sudden feeling shy.
“come on, the first one didn't count!” brin is shouting through the chants. “how would that not count!?” jay shoots back, finally turning back to look at your friends. his reaction only fueling their chants and you can practically feel the heat coming off of him now. they're all a perfect orchestra. heeseung leads the chants, hands cupped around his mouth as cheers for another kiss. lex is leaning over the edge of the rock, sending exaggerated kissy faces your way. and brin is holding her hands up, making them kiss as her lips pucker.
and despite how desperate jay looks to escape their attention, you're addicted to peer pressure. a laugh slips past your lips as your hand is reaching down, fingers pressing against his jaw gently – just enough to turn his head back toward you. the shouting gets louder instantly. you're leaning down against instantly, mouth slotted against his and he's letting out an involuntarily groan at the feeling. the cheers that follow are obnoxiously deafening and it has your laughs dying against jay's lips.
the cold of the lake slowly becomes unbearable and one by one, you all begin making your way back toward the shore. the like that had been full of shouting and splashing just minutes ago is now quiet behind you, water still. wet footprints trail through the sand, towels stolen and half finished drinks recovered from where they had been abandoned hours ago.
you're settling in front of the fire with jay who swiftly positions himself behind you. the fire crackles in front of you, casting a warm light across the campgrounds. hair and body still wet, but you're settling further into jay's chest until going to find a towel. he doesn't seem to care much either, arm looping around your waist as he holds you close to him.
neither of you seem particularly interested in talking about what just happened, instead you just smile way too wide each time your eyes meet. you can hear brin from across the grounds, hair wrapped in a towel and a large hoodie covering her frame. she's rubbing at her stomach as she speaks. “i'm starving!” heeseung snorts as he walks past, his wet swim trunks in hand a pair of dry short hanging loose on his hips. he's digging through the coolers, without even looking up.
“we still have a bunch of meat left. should we kill it?” he suggests and brin's body immediately perks up. “say swear,” she says, taking quick steps to where he stands. he's letting out a soft laugh, pulling two unopened packets of pork belly from the ice with one hand, three packets of brisket in the other. “swear,” brin is squealing, reaching up to take the packets in hand. “see? this is why you're my favorite.” she says, leading the way toward the grill.
heeseung is rolling his eyes, but following closely behind. “yesterday you said lex was your favorite,” he points out and brin is nodding happily. her hand extends so she's able to boop the tip of heeseung's nose, he's scrunching it immediately. “today it's you.”
you spot sunoo walking toward the fire a few seconds later carrying four drinks, two in each hand. “good news,” he announces in a sing-song tone, lifting the bottles toward his face. “i found a full box,” viv and jaehyun trail behind him, stealing one of the bottles before settling on one of the lawn chairs. sunoo hands you a bottle, before passing the next one to jay and plopping down by the fire. “this is starting to feel final,” you say with a pout and you feel the way jay stiffens behind you.
“we live close! we should plan something, yn.” viv reaches her hands out to you and you're agreeing instantly. you two were only a forty-five minute drive apart, it wouldn't be hard to make plans together before next summer, it was just harder when you weren't just a few doors away. rather than across the country.
lex, mia and jungwon take responsibility for the mess they spent most of the night helping create. jungwon is already collecting empty bottles to recycle, lex is carrying a trash bag that's somehow bigger than she is, while mia complains but about everyone being pigs while she cleans up the leftover food. she's mainly yelling at martin who's pretending he can't hear her from where he still sits at the lake with sakai beside him.
they're sat near the edge of the water in the sand, sakai is wrapped in a large blanket and martin has his head resting on her shoulder, fighting the sleep that's creeping up on him. sunoo is rummaging through his bag for something, his bottle pressed between his knees as he looks. “oh wait!” he's exclaiming loud enough that it catches the attention of the people sitting closest to him.
“what?” jungwon is asking, head peeking up from the trash bag he had been separating.
sunoo is pulling a small stack of envelopes from his bag, holding them up with a wide grin. “we forgot these!” he's standing before anybody call say anything else, shuffling through the envelopes and making his way around the camp to hand them out. they're goodbye letters. you know, because you written eleven of your own. everyone had to, it was camp tradition according to brin.
but as sunoo makes his way through the group, the energy changes, you can feel it. the distribution was like a blaring indicator that it was over. eventually, you'd all have to go to sleep and face tomorrow. the fire was going to die down, heeseung was going to run out of food to make, at some point you'll run out of memories to share, stories to tell. it had to end. and you all had to say goodbye.
“i'm going to miss how you always steal my hoodies, even though you have a man.” sunoo says dramatically to viv while handing her the letter he wrote, he's shooting jaehyun a pointed look at the mention of him and then shuffling to find the letter for him. viv is taking hers with a laugh, tucking it safely beneath her leg. “and i'm going to miss pretending not to notice when you and viv disappear,” jaehyun takes his letter with a roll of his eyes, drink still pressed to his lips.
“you never pretended.” he points out and sunoo is nodding with a laugh. “because you guys are gross,” he sings before turning to continue his rounds.
by the time sunoo is dropping back down beside the fire, you've noticed a handful of your friends disappearing into their cabins and coming back with their own letters. but none of you talk about it, none of you make an announcement to pass them out, it sort of just happens.
the grill sizzles, brin stealing a piece of meat before it's finished cooking and heeseung is meeting her with an individual plate with the letter he wrote her tucked underneath it. she doesn't make a big deal out of it, takes the plate and the letter before plopping down at the picnic table to eat. jungwon complains about people not separating recyclables correctly, pulling glass bottles from the trash bag that should only be filled with food. martin is standing above him, note extended in front of his face.
“if that's another bottle, martin, i'm going to drown you in the lake. and then myself,” jungwon grumbles as he looks up, eyes finding the crisp envelope inches from his nose. he takes it quickly, tucking it into his pocket then goes right back to complaining. martin walks up, making his way back to where he had been sitting with sakai before, only now she's standing.
the blanket he had lent to her folded neatly a sad look on her face as she hands it over, the note she wrote for him resting on top. “i'm going to miss you so much,” she says through a sob and martin is chuckling softly, plucking the note from the top before grabbing the blanket. unlike everyone else, he's tearing into his note immediately despite sakai's protests. his eyes move quickly across the paper before they're slowing, taking in every written word and the meaning behind them.
sakai notices the shift, she recognizes it. “martin?” her head tilts up to get a better look at his face but he's quickly looking away, folding the note and tucking it back into it's envelope. “i'm fine,” he rushes out, wiping at his eyes with his knuckle. “let's go help clean up,”
a note seems to fall from the sky as jungwon passes, hitting your knee and landing on jay's lap. “read it away from me,” he mumbles before disappearing with his trash bag. jay is picking it up with a small smile. leave it to jungwon to literally run from any type of emotional exchange. “let me go put this away,” jay says, nudging at you leg gently and you're standing to allow him to slip from behind you and disappear into his cabin. you take the chance to slip away as well, grabbing the stack of letters you had spent the past week writing from underneath your pillow.
jay catches heeseung on his way to the bathroom, “hyung, wait.” heeseung's turning to the sound of jay's voice, eyes instantly landing on the thick envelope in his hand. “what is that like ten pages?” he asks with a laugh, reaching his hand out to take it. “it's only like seven,” he defends and heeseung is shaking his hand, tearing into the letter before jay can say anything of it.
“you know i have to read it out loud,” he says through a chuckle. jay is rolling his eyes, both hands pushing his hair back on his head as he feels his cheeks darkening. “you're so embarrassing,” he says with a shake of his head, but he doesn't fight it. heeseung would just find him and read it out loud later, he did it every summer for the past six years.
he's straightening his back and clearing his throat before bringing the note up to eye level, reading it like it's a scroll. “hyung. i tried keeping this short...” he lowers the letter to shoot a deadpan expression toward the younger boy. “seven pages?” he teases and jay is waving him off with a roll of his eyes. “just hurry up and read it,” much to his surprise, heeseung continues reading. “thank you for spending the past years putting up with me. though, i've been here longer than you... i never truly had someone to look up to until you arrived. we're the oldest, so everyone looks up to us. but i'm thankful i have you to look up to too.” jay doesn't miss the way the playfulness leaves heeseung's tone. realization that this was the last letter finally hitting him.
“i don't know if anybody else realizes how much this place has your fingerprints on it. you came up with most of the things we know call tradition, you've helped me write more songs than i can count. i even heard martin repeat one of your inside jokes his first week here... half the things the campers think have always existed started because of you, you're the blueprint.” heeseung pauses to grin because he had been screaming that for the past four years and finally he was getting the recognition for it.
the letter continues on like that, highlighting the memories they made together in the past six years, how close they've become. jay's plans for the future and how he promises to keep in touch, though, no one ever really did. but heeseung can tell that he meant it. the only difference is, heeseung was leaving too. not for the summer, forever. they both were on different paths of their lives now and seeing each other every summer was going to be a thing of the past.
he doesn't ruin the moment by pointing that out, though.
“you've been apart of almost every version of my adult life and it's going to be so hard imagining moving into my next phase without you standing ten feet away making an unnecessary comment. i don't really know how to end this, because i feel there shouldn't be an end to us. to our friendship. so i'll just say, thank you for being my friend and i'll see you soon.” heeseung looks up at jay to find him trying to look anywhere else, he's shaking his head laughing softly while flipping the pages over in his hands.
there's a few sentences scribbled on the back of the last one. “oh! there's more,” sarcasm drips from his words and jay's letting out a laugh. “i had a lot to say, shut up.” heeseung continues reading. “ps. stop giving relationship advice. even if you're right 99% of the time, stop it. your 'i told you so' face is so annoying. but, you were right again... i regret not telling yn how i feel. and i regret not kissing her when i had the chance,”
heeseung is looking up with a knowing smirk on his face, brow arched and jay is shoving at his shoulder. “that face! you're so irritating,” he says through a laugh while heeseung is carefully folding the note back up. “you kissed her, though. what changed your mind?” judging from the end of his note, it's clear that jay had no intention to actually make a move with you. but he saw the way jay kissed you in the water and how he's been all over you all night. this jay was very different from letter jay.
jay is clapping his hand on heeseung's shoulder with a shake of his head, “those fucking dresses, man.”
the night officially starts to settle around you. letters distributed and tucked away safely. the fire that had been roaring all evening has started to die down, only crackling whenever a piece of wood breaks. the loud shouts of your friends have dwindled into soft murmurs heard throughout the grounds. each one of you losing the battle against sleep, it was impossible to keep fighting it.
the food is gone, the coolers are empty. jungwon has organized every single piece of trash he could get his hands on. there was nothing left to do, there was nothing left to say. sakai and sunoo disappear first, walking into the bathroom with arms linked to do their skincare routine together for the last time of the summer. brin is a few steps behind them, yawning loudly and rubbing at her eye with the heel of her palm.
viv is curled up in jaehyun's lap, his hoodie working as a blanket as her head rests beneath his chin. every few minutes, she'll mumble something into his chest and he'll reach down to smooth a hand over her hair. jaehyun is still wide awake, talking quietly with jay from across the fire. you still sit comfortably in jay's lap but you're zoned out staring at the burning embers of the fire.
jungwon, martin and heeseung have migrated into their cabin, changed into their pajamas and laying on their beds. they talk softly, finding random things to say as they fight off the inevitable sleep. their voices drift through the open window every so often before dissolving back into sleepy laughter. across the lake, lex and mia have claimed the hammock and have been laying there with the past twenty minutes. neither of them have managed to finish a complete sentence, settling for quiet sighs and toying with each other's fingers.
jay feels you shiver against him for the fourth time and it has him realizing rubbing his hands over your arms was useless in warming you up. “you cold?” he asks, head tilting to the side so he can look at you. you're tired but you're fighting it, long curls pulled in a bun at the top of your head and pretty orange dress doing nothing against the cool night air. you're turning to look at him, head bobbing in a nod.
“i have a sweater in the car, should we...” he says it because he wants to spend more time together, that part is obvious. he could've very much you suggest you go to bed, put on warm sweats of your own and call it a night. but in reality, he wasn't ready for his night with you to end and neither were you, which is why you're standing to follow him.
the walk to his jeep isn't long, he parked close to the entrance out of his need for efficiency. he was set to leave early tomorrow morning, had spent the better half of the day loading up his car. it only made sense that it would be parked a few feet away. his arm settles over your shoulders as you walk, a comfortable silence falling over you and you're finally finding the courage to ask him what you've been wondering for the past hour and a half.
“did you forget to write me a letter?” you try to keep your tone playful, masking the echoing doubts in your mind. everyone had a letter, each passed out one by one and you watched jay hand out a letter to each one of your friends. yet, the one that he should've written for you never came. you don't miss the smile that breaks onto his features, a soft laugh falling from his lips as he shakes his head. “no, god no. i just couldn't stop rewriting it,” that peaks your interest. because, yes there must've been unspoken feelings when he sat down to write it, but actually rewriting it felt different.
it took you a good three hours to decide what you were going to say to him. everything you decided just felt too elementary, but even still you only wrote one draft. and that was the one tucked away somewhere in his cabin. “you did? how many did you write?” you're reaching his car just as the question leaves the lips and he shrugs, pulling the car door open before leaning in.
“nine.” he says it so casually, half his body in his car, your eyes are widening anyway. “nine!? you wrote me nine letters!? jay...” he's standing with a black sweater clutched in his hands. it's one you recognize right away, he's worn it enough for you to. just a simple black hoodie with 'miami' written in bold red letters, the word cut off by the deep-v cut into the neckline. he's easily pulling it over your head, guiding your arms into it.
it's such a simple gesture but it's so jay that your heart flutters. hand reaching down to find the side of his neck as he straightens the hem of his sweater against your thighs. you're gently pulling him toward you, to plant a soft kiss to his lips which he returns instantly, arm wrapping around your waist to pull you into him. “nine letters?” you're saying again as he pulls away and his face breaks into a soft smile.
“relax, you're only getting one.” he's reaching back into his car, rummaging through a bag before pulling out the folded piece of paper. number nine. the final draft of his goodbye letter to you, but it felt outdated now for some reason. still, he's handing it over to you with a sad smile. “read it later,” he feels the need to clarify, traumatized by heeseung's traditional presentation.
you're tucking the letter safely into the pocket of his hoodie and silence falls between the two of you. it's a charged silence that holds the words that neither of you are willing to say. instead his eyes stay trained on you as your eyes drift into the back of his jeep. slowly, you're stepping forward to get a better look. and the sight makes your chest tighten. boxes stacked neatly on top of one another, duffel bags shoved into every available corner of his trunk. his guitar. his backup guitar. binders upon binders of sheet music. seven years packed into the back of a car. your breath catches in your throat as you're eyes shift to look back at him, body leaning against the frame of the open car door.
“so... this is really it, huh?” jay follows your gaze, a soft sigh falling from his lips as he nods. “yeah, i guess so,” you feel the way your heart drops, which is stupid, because you had known he was leaving. for the past three months it's all he could talk about. grad school, apartment hunting, moving dates. the weather in his new city, he was never not talking about leaving. but somehow seeing it packed into the back of the car hit differently. it felt real. “it's like you fit your whole cabin into your car, looks weird...”
jay lets out a quiet laugh through his nose, hand lifting to rest just above your head against the car. “tell me about it. my cabin looks weirder, all empty.” your eyes drift back to the boxes, trying hard not to picture how his cabin would look empty. you poked your head in too many times to see if he was around to now think of the reality of him never being around again.
“you did this all day?” you say it just to make conversation, because you have nothing else to say that didn't feel totally depressing. and jay seems to catch on, because he is playing along. he nods simply, lips pulling into his mouth as his eyes drift back to you. “yeah, some of it yesterday.”
“you cried, huh?” you tease and that manages to pull another pretty laugh for him, “i absolutely did not,” he defends halfheartedly, but you're not buying it. “oh, now i know you cried. you're such a liar,” your eyes narrow up at him and that has him laughing even harder and for a second it almost feels normal again. but then your eyes are drifting back, catching sight of his guitar case again.
you're changing the subject quickly. “you know...” your voice trails off, forcing a smile on your lips. “i thought you hated me for like the first two weeks.” jay's head snaps toward you so fast it makes you laugh, his brows raised high toward his hairline. “are you serious?” he says through a laugh, your hand slaps against his chest. “yes! did you forget about how you'd avoid me? and ignore me, even if i was talking directly to you.”
he's laughing, eventually nodding along. because it was true. the first few weeks he couldn't even be around you without his brain short-circuiting and when he'd try to say something, anything – he found himself getting tongue tied more often than not. but still, “you were impossible to ignore. but, yes. i did try.” he had it in his head if he just didn't talk to you, then his feelings wouldn't grow. he was so wrong.
“you'd walk into a room and all of a sudden everyone's attention would be on you. including mine.” his eyes drop to his hoodie and how it swallows your frame, covering up one of your many pretty dresses. then slowly back up to your face, you're staring up at him with the same heart eyed expression you've been giving him all summer. “you flirted with me constantly too, even when i tried not to look your way,” you're laughing, arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.
“i had a feeling it would end up being effective,” you grin and he's smiling, hand lifting to rest on the small of your back. “trust me, it was. it was all i could talk about with heeseung,” but never to you. he never gave away to the slightest bit of interest and that drove you insane every single day. it almost bothered you more that he waited until the last day to finally say something. he could've just left you clueless, able to move on and say that you tried. because you did try, so hard.
and for some reason him waiting until there was no time left to meet you halfway just didn't feel fair. the pout is forming on your lips before you can fight it, hand resting on his cheek. “i wouldn't change a second of this summer, truly. i loved meeting everyone and spending my days with you.” it's hard to ignore the sadness in your eyes, the obvious way you're fighting back tears as you speak. “but, fuck, jay... i wish we had more time,”
he knows exactly what you mean without you having to say it. you spent all summer wanting him, loudly. but every time he caught himself wanting you back, he'd find a reason to keep his distance. to walk away, to play it safe. he'd find a reason not too look too long, not too linger in conversations with you. especially if they were about your shared love for music.
he was so strategic in the way he interacted with you, careful not to let himself enjoy the way your fit lit up whenever you spotted him hanging out in his cabin. he had spent months convincing himself that this was the right way, that he was doing the right thing. the smart thing. that all of this would be easier if he kept his distance, and maybe that would've been true if tonight never happened.
because standing here now, knowing exactly what it feels like to kiss you, makes what should've been an easy goodbye feel impossible. “well,” he's saying with a soft smile, arm lifting so his wrist is in view. and you follow his gaze to the watch on his wrist. “it's only... 2:49AM. there's still five hours and eleven minutes until it's over.” he says with a proud smile, probably at his mental math and that has you laughing softly. “what should we do with that time?” his finger taps at his chin and you're tilting your head to the side.
without missing a beat, you're leaning up to press your lips against his. he's kissing back instantly. his hands fall down to grasp your hips, easily pulling your body against his. your worries about tomorrow seem to melt away as soon as his lips are on yours, your fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck as you hold him to you. jay kisses you with a rushed, starved almost desperate need and it makes it difficult for you to focus on anything but him.
his tongue is pushing past your lips easily, brushing against yours before he's changing his mind and catching your lower lip between his teeth instead. you're gasping, the sound pulling a soft chuckle from his mouth. it dies on your tongue. “you're so perfect,” he sighs, hand resting against the side of your face as he leans back enough to look at you. he's easily tilting your head to the side with his hand, revealing more of your neck to him.
his head is dropping to the side, soft lips finding your skin. salty from the lake but he sucks kisses against the length of it. “jay,” you're gasping, hand reaching out to clutch the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling him close. and his arm tightens around your waist, holding you tight against him as his lips roam your skin. he's focusing his lips just above your collarbone, sucking the skin into his mouth and it has your head lulling back. his body shifts, hands tracing the curves of your body before he's carefully lifting you into the backseat.
it's cramped between all his bags and boxes, and the idea of his new life. but he's climbing in behind you, letting the door slam behind him. closing the two of you in to your own private space and you're on him instantly. his back hits the door from the force of your lips, a soft laugh falling from both of your lips. you kiss him desperately, every push of your lips screaming finally and all he can do is try to keep up. he groans as your hands sneak underneath the fabric of his shirt, nails dragging over his stomach.
your tongue pushes and twists against his, his hands shoving his hoodie and your dress out of the way. his fingers spread over the skin of your ass, squeezing gently and the moan you let out has his dick jumping. jay is easily pulling you further onto him with the grip he has on your ass. it's so uncomfortable, you've got your legs on either side of his waist, he's hanging half way off of the seat, back pressed against the door. all of the crap from his cabin surround your bodies, making it that much more difficult to move. yet, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
not when you were hovering over him like this, panting into his mouth while pushing your ass back into the palms of his hands. “oh, fuck.” he's sighing when your lips trail down the length of his jaw, you follow the same pattern as he had before. sucking kisses into is skin, before grazing your teeth over it. focusing on a particular sensitive bit while your hips grind down onto his. a low, untamed growl catches in his throat as he feels the way your body moves against his.
the thin material of your bikini bottoms doing very little to mask the wet heat dripping from between your legs and onto his shorts. his head dips down to find your lips, mouth covering yours quickly and he wastes no time with licking into your mouth. jay's easily pulling you into a deep, needy, almost frantic rhythm that has your head spinning. you're moaning, hips pressing roughly against his. the length of his cock presses delicious against your clothed clit and your hips roll toward his, body shuddering as pleasure spreads throughout your core.
“oh my god,” you're whining into his mouth, hips moving frantically against his. he does his best to lift his hips to meet yours, fingers digging in to the flesh of your ass as heat rises up his neck. “you feel so... holy shit,” he's grunting, head falling back to rest against the door as you basically bounce on his lap. through hooded eyes, he watches the way your body moves against his. the needy roll of your hips paired with the look on your face just makes him harder.
you've got your lip tucked between your teeth, head dipped back as your hands travel up your torso. they find your breasts almost instantly and he watches as you squeeze and toy with them through fabric. he finds it hot how you refused to take off his sweater despite how much you probably want to. your hips move swiftly, pretty moans filling the cramped car as his hard length drags between your folds.
his hips lift to meet each one of your movements, using the grip on your body to press you down harder against him. every last bit of restraint has snap, he's no longer able to hold himself back. chest rising and falling in untimed breaths as a flush creeps onto his cheeks. he tries and fails to hold his whimpers back, but the way you're moving just feels too good. or he's just too sensitive, either way the pressure builds at the pit of his stomach and it's impossible to ignore.
and to make matters worse, jay can tell you're close too just from the unfocused timing of your hips and the helpless whines you're letting out. “jay,” you're gasping, fist clutching the fabric of his shirt as he watches the way your eyes roll back, your thighs squeezing together the best you can with his body between them. and he's quickly deciding he'd rather feel you cum, rather than see it.
“wait, baby... wait.” jay is shifting up, hands moving down to your thighs, stilling your movements. and he finds the pout that takes over your features especially cute, he's pressing a soft kiss to it without thinking. “i want to feel you,” he says simply. he's carefully leaning you back, your body resting against the boxes behind you as he moves to hover above you now.
his fingers sneak underneath the hem of your dress, latching onto the strings of your bottoms as his eyes drag up to look at you. you're shooting a nervous smile in his direction that has his heart softening. “is this okay?” he's asking softly, slowly tugging at the strings. you're nodding quickly, “please, jay.” you're breathing out, hips lifting off of the car seat to make it easier for him.
jay's letting out a soft chuckle before dragging your bottoms down your legs, tossing them somewhere behind him. his eyes drop down to catch the way your folds glisten, large hands pushing the hoodie and your dress up toward your belly button. “fuck,” he sighs with a shake of his head and you feel the heat rising in your cheeks, feeling unbelievably vulnerable under his lustful gaze. he's leaning forward, nose dragging along the length of your neck before his tongue pushes out to drag against your skin.
his hand slides expertly between your legs as his mouth moves to suck a hickey into your skin. your legs spread almost instinctively, moaning as his fingers trace between your folds. “you're so fucking wet,” he's groaning, fingers pushing slowly past your entrance. the warmth of your pussy surrounds his fingers as he slides in all the way to the knuckle. your hips lift to meet his hand and he's grinning down at you. “does it feel good? having my fingers stretch you out?” he asks softly as he curls his fingers inside you.
your walls clamp down around them, head bobbing in a nod. “yes... f-fuck, jay. it feels so good,” you're admitting. jay's fingers thrust deep inside of you, thumb pressing against your clit before he's rubbing slow cirlces against it. it's not long before he's falling into a steady rhythm, free hand lifting to hold your hips still as his fingers fuck into you. you're whining softly, legs spreading wide for him. “jay...” you're pleading, yet you have no idea what you're asking for.
his eyes lift to find yours, head tilting to the side slightly. “what, baby?” he grins, speeding up the movement of his hand and easily pulling a loud gasp from your lips. the sound of his chuckle follows, his eyes dropping back to your pussy. you're basically dripping around his fingers walls pulsing with each thrust. “i need... more, jay please.” your words break on a desperate cry, his fingers scissoring inside of you as his thumb presses harder against your clit.
“whatever you want,” he says, but the truth was he couldn't wait much longer either. not with this insistent throb between his legs, and the way you were looking up at him, so needy and ready. he had waited long enough for a moment like this with you, he was done waiting. jay pulls his hand away slowly, hands flying to push his shorts out of the way. his wet hand wrapping around his thick length and you watch as he strokes himself slowly, coating his shaft with your arousal.
the sight makes your mouth water. he stays knelt there for a few moments, just rubbing his hand over himself and watching you and the intensity in his stare makes your body hot. “spread your legs for me,” he's saying after a minute and you're separating your knees without a word, pussy clenching at the groan he lets out. “jay. fuck me, please.” you're whining, hand dropping down the length of your body to spread your folds for him, showing him just how badly you needed him.
he's leaning forward quickly, mouth covering yours in a needy kiss as the bulbous head of his cock bumps against your fingers. he takes his time with lining himself up with your tight hole, pushing his hips forward slowly until he's feeling you stretch around him. you have to remind yourself to relax as he pushes forward, breathing through the pain that comes with each inch of him. your fingers clutch his hair the moment that he's bottoming out and he feels the way your body stiffens.
“relax, baby. take your time.” he soothes, hand stroking your hair gently as he watches you adjust. he leans down to press soft kisses against your skin. switching between sucking hickeys into your neck and twisting his tongue with yours. he waits patiently for you to loosen up for him, but the moment he feels you shifting, he's taking that as his go and thrusting his hips forward. “fuck!” you shout, back arching as much as it can and he's pinning you back down with his hips.
slowly, he's pulling his hips back, allowing you to feel every rigid inch of his cock. “you're squeezing me so tight,” he says before he's quickly slamming back in. your body jerks, hips lift, whines falling from your lips as he falls into a steady pace. your hands are on his shoulders, nails dragging against his skin. jay fucks into you slowly and incredibly deep. his grip is tight on your waist, dragging your body down onto him with each thrust. his face remains buried in your neck, mouthing at your skin as his cock splits you open.
you feel him so deeply, he's no longer holding back and the desperate movement of his hips has an electric need shooting through your body. you needed to be closer. needed to feel him deeper. needed his hands on you like this forever. his teeth bite into your skin, muffling the long groan threatens to slip out and you're matching it with a needy whimper. his thrusts become brutal, hips snapping against yours in a overwhelmingly rough pace. your nails drag over the muscles of his back, legs spreading wider for him as desperate cries fill the car.
“jay, oh my god. i'm gonna...” you don't know if you should push him away or pull him closer, heat spreading throughout your body as the knot at the pit of your stomach tightens. jay keeps up with the pace as best he can, hand dropping down to find your clit again and he rubs figure eights into the sensitive bud. his head lifts so he can watch the way your face contorts in pleasure.
your orgasm tears through your body, eyes rolling all the way to the back of your head as your back arches off of the seat. it's unlike anything you've felt before, body going numb as his hips continue to move between your thighs – fucking you through it. “god, look at you.” he sighs, burying himself deep inside of you, balls slapping against your ass with each thrusts. he moves until you're coming down for your high, watching the way your body relaxes in his arms. and only then is he pulling back, slowly drawing his hips away from your body and twisting his body so he's sitting upright on the seats.
“fuck,” he breathes, hand wrapping over his cock to keep it from falling limp. “i had the craziest cramp in my leg,” he says through a laugh, eyes shifting to find you. you're half way off of the seat, back resting against a box and hair falling messily around your face. “you okay?” he asks, smiling softly the second you're nodding. his free hand reaches out toward you, beckoning you over with a grin.
you're lifting slowly, allowing his arm to wrap around his waist and for her to tug you onto his lap. “come ride me, i'm almost there,” there's quiet begging in his tone as he lifts your body slightly, enough to pull you into his lap. your heart jumps, body freezing as you stare over at him with wide eyes. “oh, uhm... i've never? i don't think i know how...” you feel the heat rising in your cheeks and jay's brow furrows at your words.
“you've never rode someone before?” he asks because it sounds almost insane. of course you've rode someone before. he takes in the look in your eye, the shy blush that darkens your cheeks. “well, no... that was my first time,” you say sheepishly and his eyes are flying open, his hand falling from his cock to push his hair back on his forehead. “what?” he says it, even though he's positive he heard you clearly.
he just couldn't believe it. didn't even stop and consider it. and now he feels terrible because he just took your virginity like it was nothing. like it was something you could just hand out. it should've been special, he should've made it special. “yn, you can't lose your virginity in the back of my car!?” you're laughing at his distress, the wrinkle between his brow as they furrow in pure worry.
you don't know why you find him so cute this way. your shoulders lift in a shrug, hands settling on his shoulders. “too late?” you're saying through your laughter and he's shooting you a pointed look. “not funny, yn. i should've been gentle,” you're quick to shake your head, hands covering his cheeks as you lean down to press a soft kiss to his lips. he kisses you back slowly, hands resting on your waist much lighter now. you're pulling back slowly, head tilting slightly.
“come on, you already took it. don't clam up now,” you're leaning down to plate a kiss to his lips that has his worries melting away. your tongue wrapping around his, fingers curling in his hair as you lift your hips to climb further up on his lap. his head rests on the back of the chair when you pull away, looking up at you through his lashes as your hand reaches down wrapping around his cock. his hips twitch as you position his head at your entrance, “teach me,” you say with a pout and just like that his restraint is gone.
again.
–
you're not heading back to jay's cabin until the sun is already peaking over the mountains. it's weirdly empty, just like you imagined. his bed made in the middle of the room. he doesn't let you dwell on the look of it for too long, not wanting you to sleep too deep in your thoughts while you're having such a good time. he's pulling you into bed beside him, easily tucking your body into his as the two of you finally drift off to sleep.
and you stay like that in his arms for god knows how long. your head on his chest and his arm wrapped securely around your waist. he doesn't dare move, even when sleep finally takes over. which doesn't last as long as he would have hoped, his alarm blaring at exactly 7:15am. he's careful not to wake you as he slips out of bed, showering and changing his clothes as you shift and pull at his sheets. you don't even budge when he's making his bed, or when he's taking the last bag out of his room and into his car.
there's so much more he wanted to say. and he hated that he had no more time. for a long while, jay just stands there. keys in hand as his eyes scan over his empty cabin, save for you curled beneath his blankets. the morning sun peaks in through his window, golden streaks fanning across the bed. and you don't even shift. you're dead asleep, drooling onto his pillows and the sight has a soft laugh falling from his lips.
“wow,” he's shocked because even like this, smushed face and messy hair – you still look so pretty. he should leave, he needed to get on the road before the gps estimated a different arrival time. there were a list of things that he needed to get done back at his apartment before he was heading to the airport, he needed to leave. instead, he's making his way back into the cabin. setting his keys back on his desk before pulling out the blank notebook from one of the drawers, stealing a page.
he starts writing. the words coming to him much easier now that he's no longer hold back. he's ran out of reasons not to tell you exactly how he feels. he spent the last nine drafts trying to sound reasonable and failed every single time. because, this wasn't reasonable. falling for you was the most unreasonable thing that he has ever done, but he loved every second of it.
jay doesn't stop once as he writes, not a single typo. his feelings hit the page unfiltered, for the first time all summer. he's saying everything that he's wanted to, to you, about you. for you. he doesn't make a single edit. every for sentences, his eyes would drift over to where you lay, curled in his hoodie and drowning in his sheets. and then three more sentences would come to mind, two more after that. he writes until he's filled the entire page and then some more on the back.
once he's finished he's folding it carefully, slipping it into an envelope before scribbling something across the front. he's moving to stand beside the bed one last time, setting the note on his empty pillow before his eyes drift over to you. the urge to wake you up hit him intensely, he wanted so badly to say goodbye properly, to steal one more kiss, one more touch, one more hour. but he knew that was wrong. that he'd end up wanting to stay longer, actually seeing him walk away might hurt you more.
so he doesn't. he just sets his hand on your head softly, brushing your hair back so he's able to press a soft kiss to your forehead. his lips linger there for a moment, silently hoping that you'd wake up on your own. and when you don't, he's standing. he grabs his keys from his desk, takes one final look at you, before he's heading out of the cabin, closing the door tight behind him.
you're stirring awake two hours later. the first thing you notice is that you feel warm, surrounded by jay's familiar scent. you sink further into the mattress, sunlight spilling from the windows and warming your skin and for a few seconds you don't open your eyes. instead, you nuzzle yourself into jay's warmth as moments from the night before flood your memory.
playing with jay in the lake. kissing jay against the rocks. jay holding you by the fire. walking with jay to his car, his arm around your shoulders. jay fucking you in that same car, in so many different ways. you could still feel the stretch of him between your legs. a smile spreads across your lips, remembering exactly how he felt beneath you as you rode him for the first time ever. and you're suddenly filled with the need to try it again. to feel him again.
you're reaching out before your mind can tell you differently, eyes snapping open when your hand is met with nothing but emptiness. your eyes find the clock sat on his nightstand, reading the flashing numbers that stare back at you. 10:17AM. your stomach drops, a deep frown replacing the sleepy smile you had been wearing before. “oh,” you're sighing as realization hits, jay was gone.
you knew he'd be leaving early, he told everyone that he was going to be gone before anyone was really waking up. but despite knowing, not seeing him beside you still stings. slowly you're sitting up in his bed, the over-sized hoodie shifting over your shoulders as you reach to rub at your eyes. everything feels heavy, your heart thumps uselessly in your chest as your eyes scan over the room.
he was really gone. the bathroom had been emptied out this morning, his desk was completely cleared off, posters torn down and folded neatly. there was no trace of him left in this room besides you and the fact that he took everything and left you behind has your throat tightening. your eyes drift back toward his pillow, eyes furrowing at the sight of the crisp envelope that laid on top of his blue pillowcase. you're reaching for it quickly, reading over the words written across the front of the envelope. “make it ten versions,” you read and you don't waste a second before tearing the note open.
❝ yn.
i've written this goodbye letter to you so many times that i almost forgot the point of it. the first few letters sounded like i was giving you a college recommendation... then i got too emotional about leaving the music lodge in your care. the third version was so embarrassingly raw that if you ever somehow read it i'd most likely evaporate where i stand. the one that I gave you, version nine, was the one that felt the most honest to me. at least at that time. now, it just feels like it was written by someone else.
someone that was still pretending he hadn't fell for you. i spent the last three months pretending that i wasn't looking for you in every room. pretending that i was fine with keeping things professional. wasted so much time pretending that i didn't feel the same way that you did and i think i owe you an apology for that. i owe you a lot of apologies, honestly.
i'm sorry that i waited until the last day to make a move. i'm realizing now, seated at my desk and you snoring behind me that, that was the wrong move. i should've said something sooner, i shouldn't have let you wonder if you were the only one with the crush. or at least stuck to my guns, said nothing, and left quietly. because this sucks so much worse. leaving after just one night of getting to know how it feels to be with you feels horrible. but i don't regret it, don't get me wrong. i'm happy that our last night together was every bit of perfect, i just wish i got it together sooner. for the both of us.
and that brings me to my next apology. i'm sorry that you spent all summer being brave enough for the both of us. you were so loud about your feelings, you never hid, you flirted with me in front of everyone despite their teasing. you made your feelings so clear and gave me every opportunity to meet you halfway and i kept coming up with excuses not to.
i convinced myself that keeping my distance would be best for the both of us. there was no point in starting something that i couldn't finish, but i realize now i was too focused on that small detail. because while the future was clear and we both knew this summer would end, we could've still enjoyed each other for three full months rather than one night. that's my fault, i'm sorry i robbed us of that.
for the last seven years, this place has been my home away from home. i know the walls, i know the smells, every last detail is engraved in my brain like a sixth sense. so naturally, i figured no longer having it as a constant would be the hardest thing of all, the thing that i'd miss most. but now i'm realizing (again) that i was wrong, because what i'm going to miss most is you.
i'm going to miss the way your face lights up when you talk about music, the way you manage to make every conversation last twice as long as they should. your laugh, your smile, the taste of your lips. i'm going to miss how warm you felt sleeping against me. and most of all, i'm going to miss all the things that i want to experience with you and now know it's too late.
fuck, i hate that it's too late...
for the first time ever, i have no idea what will happen next. because as you read this, i'm probably already on the road, heading home or toward the airport and even though, i know that has always been the plan, i can't help but wonder if i should be doing something different. or if it's stupid to make such huge life changes over someone you just met. for the first time ever, i don't trust my own plan and that scares the shit out of me.
but i kind of like it, because if there's one thing this summer taught me, one thing that you taught me... it's that all of life's best moments happen when you stop trying to control them. it took me until last night to realize it, that's why i kissed you when i did. none of that was part of the plan, but i'm so happy that i let myself enjoy being with you, even if it was just once.
i know i don't have to tell you this, but don't worry too much about me... enjoy your school year, enjoy your life. go on all the dates, make new friends and be as happy as you can possibly be. i hope that one day the universe will bring us back together, but in the meantime... keep my hoodie safe. it looks better on you, anyway.
WHO IN ENHYPEN…?
THE CATEGORY IS: Would talk you through it
Ready to find out who's sweet and who's not?
(Masterlist) (mini-series)
HEESEUNG
Heeseung is the ultimate talker. He pins your wrists above your head, stares deep into your eyes, and guides you with that smooth, low voice the entire time. “Easy, baby… breathe with me. Feel how I’m sliding in so slowly? That’s it, relax your pretty pussy for me. Fuck, you’re doing so good taking every inch.” He never stops praising and instructing, his breathy voice getting rougher as he sinks deeper, telling you exactly when to clench, when to moan, and when to let go until you’re falling apart under his words.
JAY
Jay’s voice gets dangerously deep and commanding when he talks you through it. He cups your jaw so you can’t escape his gaze and growls right against your lips, “Look at me, princess. I know it hurts, but you can take it. Slow down… yeah, just like that. Good girl. Feel how full you are?” He mixes filthy encouragement with soft praises, telling you how tight and wet you feel around him, coaching you through every thrust until your legs are shaking and you’re begging him not to stop.
JAKE
Jake is the sweetest yet filthiest talker. He stays close, lips brushing your ear as he fucks you, whispering constantly, “You feel me right here, baby? Right against that spot? Yeah? Let it out, I love hearing you moan for me.” He asks you questions while thrusting, making sure you stay focused on the pleasure: “Tell me how good it feels… You’re squeezing me so tight, fuck. Cum for me, baby, I’ve got you. Just let go.” His voice makes you melt every single time.
SUNGHOON
Sunghoon turns into a soft-spoken menace. Even when he’s stretching you open, his voice stays calm and controlled: “Eyes on me, baby. Don’t look away. You’re taking my cock so well… just a little deeper. There we go. Feel that? That’s all me inside you.” He praises you like you’re doing the most impressive thing in the world, mixing in low groans and dirty observations about how wet you are and how perfectly you’re sucking him in.
SUNOO
Sunoo’s voice is angelic but his words are pure sin. He moans softly in your ear while talking you through every movement: “Mmm, you’re so wet for me already… Can you hear that sound? That’s your pussy taking me so greedily. Relax, baby, let me go deeper… Yes, just like that. You’re my good girl, aren’t you?” He keeps praising you in that pretty voice until you’re clenching around him, completely addicted to the way he guides you to orgasm.
JUNGWON
Jungwon has the perfect mix of sweet and teasing. He smiles down at you while slowly pushing in, voice soft but dominant: “Aww, is it too much? Poor baby… but you’re doing amazing. Take a deep breath for me, good. Now let me in a little more. See? I knew you could take it all.” He talks you through the stretch, through the pleasure, and especially through your climax, whispering “Cum on my cock, baby. Let me feel you” in the most addictive way possible.
NI-KI
Ni-ki is cocky, teasing, and extremely vocal. He loves watching you struggle and talks you through it with a smirk: “Breathe, baby, breathe. I’m only halfway and you’re already falling apart? Cute. Relax this tight little pussy for me… yeah, fuck, just like that. You’re so greedy for my cock, aren’t you?” He keeps going the entire time, never shutting up, pushing you further with every filthy word until you’re screaming his name.
burn out loser (pt2): ❛you're paired with riki nishimura as your lab partner. otherwise known as the stoner freak that everyone knew to avoid. you only have one focus, well two. get an a in the class then get as far from him as possible. but now that he's met you, riki wants nothing else but you. and riki always gets what he wants. ❜ pt1
۶ৎpairing: stoner(artist)!riki x meangirl!reader
۶ৎgenre: smut. college au
۶ৎtw: smut (mdni!) hentai (description of nude drawings), slow burn, obsession, sexual tension, "will they won't they", riki is a yearnerrrr, mild marijuana use, suggestive themes, very slight emotional manipulation, explicit language, jealous riki nishimura.
۶ৎwc: 18.5k
an: i started writing what's now the third part before this and desperately wanted to show the progression of their relationship & the moments where their feelings start to grow for each other!! the scenes take place over 2-3 wks, which is why this is sooo long (omg) this was very very very fun to write & i hope u like it, please let me know what you think i love delving into the minds of the characters and the storyline! part three is in the works xo
the first few times you ask, riki ignores you completely without thinking twice about it. a blank stare set on his features as you spoke only to turn his attention back to his notes when you finished. not sparing a single word, just deciding that what you were asking him didn't deserve an answer. you can glare at him with that entitled little scowl all you wanted. he had grown accustomed to ignoring that too.
his eyes gravitate toward you before you've even fully entered the room wednesday afternoon. you're cooing obnoxiously with one of your friends, blowing kisses and promising to meet up for lunch; acting as if you were going off to war or something. he watches as you smile, fingers twirling the loose curl that rests against your cheek as you make your way to your shared desk. he's sure to keep his sketchbook tucked beneath his forearm as you inch closer, anticipating what you're planning on saying to him.
he's got his hood pulled over his sandy blonde hair, an earbud tucked neatly in his left ear. you're plopping down in the seat on his right, eyes drifting to the dramatic way he covered up his work – as if you gave a damn what he was doodling. you don't bother to mask your scoff, eyes rolling at how extra he was being over his stupid sketchbook. like you were planning on snatching it from him at any moment, so he had to guard it with his life. news flash, no one, especially not you, cared.
riki doesn't look up as you settle beside him, he's too focused on whatever he's drawing. long fingers moving lazily across the page, pencil scratching in quick, confident strokes that he never lets anyone see. and each brush of the pencil has your eyes flickering over, despite the fact you've decided you didn't care. and every time your eyes lift, riki is tilting his sketch book away. every single time.
your patience is snapping the fourth time he does it, an annoyed huff leaving your lips. “are you secretly bad at drawing or something?” you're hissing out in a whisper, eyes narrowed in his direction with your chin propped on the palm of your head.
he feels the way his mouth twitches involuntarily, amusement flashing across his features. the expression is quickly masked by his normal 'too bored' one, shoulders lifting in a shrug. “maybe,” anyone else would take that as a sign to stop pushing, but you weren't just anyone. your body turns in your chair, long legs folded at the knee as you stare him down.
“then why are you always drawing?” there's bite in your tone, the same way that there always is. because even though you were gearing up to ask him for something – you still had to keep up with that attitude of yours. riki doesn't even bother to look up at you before he's answering. “why are you always talking?” he says, voice even, bored. but you don't miss the smirk that lifts the corners of his lips.
you're rolling your eyes so hard he can hear it and that only has his grin growing wider, eyes staying fixed on his page. despite how rude he's being, you press on, because you were curious now, especially with how secretive he always was with that stupid book. and him telling you no so easily triggered your obsession with always getting your way, there was no way you'd let up now. you found it hard to believe that no one has ever seen one of his drawings so you didn't understand why you couldn't too.
riki was constantly drawing. during lectures, through lunch, in the halls when he should be in study hall. so many times you've seen him with his back pressed against a wall, his legs pulled toward to his chest, sketchbook resting in his lap and a blunt tucked behind his ear. and you also noticed that the book was hardly ever the same, that meant pages of pages of his drawings existed and he refused to show you a single one. it didn't seem the least bit fair to you.
you've caught glimpses before. dark shading, eyes, hands, strange twisting lines... but it's never enough to make out a full picture. and that drives you insane. especially because you could tell that his drawings were actually good. it was obvious from the little bits that you've seen and how confidently his hands moved across the page. there was no way he wasn't a good artist, so why was he gatekeeping it!?
“you're such an idiot,” the insult doesn't phase him in the slightest, after the weeks spent together – he's grown used to the way you were constantly slighting him. silence falls over the two of you just as the professor is stepping into the room and you move as if you've given up. flipping your laptop open and scrolling through your word doc until you find your last page of notes, straightening in your chair and turning your attention to the front of the room.
riki doesn't move. just keeps on drawing as if class wasn't about to start, as if he didn't need this information in order to pass, let alone be useful for your assignments. nine full minutes pass of rhythmic typing and the unmistakable drag of riki's pencil against his page, each swipe carrying an irritating amount of skill and you can't help but stare. eyes locked on the movement of his fingers. they were long, ridiculously long. silver rings wrapped around his index and middle. you were shocked to see how clean his nails were, neatly trimmed with a light shine like he actually went and got them done. intriguing.
long veins twist from his bony knuckles up the length of his arm and your eyes follow them until your gaze is dragging up to his face, shocked to see he was already staring at you. “one of us needs to be paying attention,” he says, eyes shifting to the front of the room where the professor drones on about molecular bonds or whatever. you ignore his words, had already learned that he didn't need to pay attention to know what was being taught. he'd repeated entire lectures on days you were sure he was fully dissociated. he didn't even need to take notes, that annoyed you too.
you're letting out another dramatic huff, shifting in your seat so you're facing him again. “okay, i don't care if you want to be all weird and mysterious.” you lie, arms crossed over your chest and subconsciously you angle your head just enough to peek over his arms in hopes of catching a glimpse of what he's working on. he has his book flipped over like he knew you'd never stop trying.
“you sound like you care,” his words come out through a laugh. he doesn't even bother hiding how funny he thinks all of this is, the fact that you're practically throwing a fit because he told you no. arms crossed and glossed lips stuck in a cute little pout, he's committing the expression to memory – the dozens of scenarios he could draw up flooding his thoughts.
his mind drifts, picturing how you'd look with that same pout except knelt down in front of him, cum smeared on your cheeks as you silently begged for more. he's making a mental note to start working on that as soon as he got home. “can you at least draw me something i can see?” it takes a second for riki to register what you're asking, his mind reeling with images of you. and when he does fully hear you, he doesn't answer right away, tossing the idea around in his head.
draw you something you could see. there would be no harm in that, right? it's not like riki wasn't capable of creating something neutral, as a matter of fact, the drawing he was hiding from you was the least bit sexual. it was a box of cigarettes, a girl hidden within the pack, smoking one. so he could draw you something tame, something that you could see just so you'd stop asking.
the only problem was riki considered each and every one of his drawings personal. they were sacred. showing you one would be the same as taking a magnify glass into the inner, darkest corners of his mind. but, looking at you now, riki was clearly seeing the reason why you always got your way. why everyone found it so hard to say no to you, because not only were you annoyingly persistent... you were also cute as hell.
his eyes bore into yours as the classroom hums quietly around you. keyboards clicking, chairs squeaking as the minutes tick by, soft chatter fills the room as the class is instructed to discuss today's notes with their partners, something you and riki never took part in. entirely his fault. somebody laughs too loud near the windows but neither of you look their way, riki is too busy sizing you up and you're daring him to say no again. your eyes never leave his for a second and staring at him so long, you can't help but notice the details that make him up.
long lashes guard his pretty dark eyes, the sharp line of his jaw that disappears beneath the collar of his faded gray hoodie. thick pink lips that you're only now realizing never appear chapped. beauty marks scattered all over his otherwise flawless skin. he looks calm, seemingly unaffected by the expectant look on your face. like he couldn't care less if rejecting your offer would disappoint you and that annoyed you, mainly because the expression looked so pretty on him.
his shoulder lifts after what feels like hours, that same smirk resting on his lips. “maybe,” you don't even give his words room to breathe before you're responding. “that's not an answer,” you scoff under your breath, kicking at his shoe lightly under the desk. he doesn't even flinch, shoulders lifting in another shrug as his lips purse to the side. “well, it's the one you got,” he says, watching the way you huff and roll your eyes before turning your attention back to your laptop.
riki doesn't miss the way you're pulling your lips back into that pout, long manicured fingers toying with the tiny heart charm hanging from your necklace. your lashes flutter while you read through the notes from the last few lectures on your computer, lips moving as your eyes scan over the words. your soft curls are pulled back in a complicated looking bun today instead of framing your face the way it usually does. you're not looking at him but he can still see the exact moment your face is relaxing, pretty features no longer scrunched up. and that has him rolling his eyes, flipping to a clean page of his sketchbook before reaching for his pencil.
he had fully intended to ignore your request. that was usually the best option when it came to you. if he ignored you long enough, you'd eventually start entertaining yourself and he could go back to doing whatever he was before you came up with your demands. the second the tip of his pencil is hitting the page though, his thoughts are proven wrong. his pencil slides easily across the paper, the familiar heat raising up the back of his neck.
the professor says something at the front of the room, calling attention back to him, but riki doesn't hear a single word. he's too focused on the version of you he was creating against this paper. his hands move faster than his thoughts, he's drawn and redrawn the lines of your face so much that he basically has them memorized. he's careful with drawing the curve of your jaw, the gentle slope of your nose and the permanent annoyed pout of your lips.
you're chewing absentmindedly at the edge of your thumb, brows pinched while you tried to keep up with the experiment that was being demonstrated in front of you. riki shades carefully beneath your lashes, jaw tightening slightly when you're laughing at something that's being said before your gaze drops to your laptop again, quickly typing a few sentences with your lower lip tucked between your teeth. you don't release it even when you're looking back up.
riki tries not too look too hard at you. he doesn't even need to. he's sure to keep his expression neutral as to not give anything away, but no matter how calm he looked – he was spiraling internally. because mapping out the details of your face forced honestly out of him. and riki hated the obvious truth that stared back at him. the things that he wasn't entirely ready to admit. like the fact he found your side profile especially beautiful, how he knew exactly the lines and dimples that appeared when you were scowling at him.
he especially hates how he's memorized your face enough to recreate it without effort.
the end of class rolls around before either of you know it and you had forgotten all about your denied request. mostly because riki had gone silent after rejecting you, scribbling in that stupid sketchbook and not sparing you a second's glance. not that he's ever had much to say before, but you can't help but notice that he was being quieter than usual. there was no teasing when you were raising your hand to answer every question, no sarcastic remark when you're reminding him of the reading required to finish the lab. not even a smirk when you're handed back last week's individual assignments and he received a perfect score.
he just draws. consistently.
it's the type of focus you're sure he saved only for his drawings, because you've never seen him this concentrated before. it's a world different from the lazy expression he normally wore as he pretended to study or sped through assignments. it was unsettling to witness. especially for an hour straight without any breaks.
the professor dismisses the class and you're pushing your laptop closed, easily shoving it into your purse as you stand. students flood noisily to the door and your eyes flicker to riki who has barely moved in the last hour. “did you even take notes?” his eyes lift to find yours after a second, hand gliding over the paper, adding his signature you're assuming, his eyes stayed on you.
“no,” he says simply, lifting his bag onto his shoulder as he stands from his chair. you're letting out another scoff. it's honestly becoming the only sound you're capable of making around him. “you're going to fail. and the last thing i need is for your lazy ass to drag me down with you,” you warn, shocked by the loud laugh that leaves his lips. “i'm smarter than you, princess. did you forget?” there's an unmistakable teasing to his tone that has you snorting softly, eyes rolling as he lifts his sketchbook from the table.
without a word he's ripping out the page he had been working on so secretly all class, extending his arm to hold it out to you. you're reaching for it wearily, surprised that he didn't snatch it back at the last second. your eyes are focusing on the image and you have to blink a few times in order to take in what you're looking at. even though it was embarrassingly clear what he had drawn. it's you. and it wasn't vague either. it was you. your exact side profile staring back at you on this sheet of paper that the boy you referred to as a brain dead loser handed to you.
“riki, this is...” you start, but the second your eyes are lifting you're being met with the slam of the door. “wait!” you call after him, despite the fact he can no longer hear you. you're scrambling to snatch up all your belongings, careful not to bend the drawing as you follow behind him, catching his tall frame turning the corner just as you're prying the door open. “are you serious...” you grumble, legs moving before you can think to chase after him, but you don't get very far before you're knocking right into someone.
soft hands keep you from hitting the floor, but your purse and all it's contents spill onto the tiles along with riki's picture. “whoa! slow down,” your best friend, isis is saying through a laugh, eyes scanning over the flustered expression on your face. “no need to rush, i'm right here.” she grins, ready to joke before her eyes are taking in your scattered belongings on the floor, gaze landing on the very obvious self portrait that lays among the mess.
“what's this?” she's bending down before you have the chance to react, plucking the picture up between her fingers and inspecting it like there was some secret code hidden within the lines. “it's nothing, i-” you start but she's shooting you a wide eyed expression that has your words catching. “is this you!?” she eyes the drawing carefully before doing the same to you, even going as far as to reach out to turn your head to the side, comparing the side profile of the photo with yours.
“oh my god. this is you. did riki draw this?” it's easy to guess, mainly because you spent so much time complaining about how his grades never suffered yet he spent all of his free time scribbling in his sketchbook. they all thought it was funny, how worked up you'd get when realizing he got a higher score than you without needing to put in any effort. but this photo was no joke, there was seriousness within each pencil stroke that just couldn't be ignored. “hello? riki gave this to you?” isis repeats when too long has passed of you not saying anything.
your shoulders are lifting in a shrug, reaching for the picture but she's just barely holding it out of your reach. you're huffing, bending down to pick up the rest of your stuff off of the floor. “yes, he did.” you say finally with a roll of your eyes, “now give it back before you-” she's cutting you off with a gasp, eyes wide and glued to the drawing. “the other girls need to see this,” she's saying, darting off before you can fully register what's going on. once you do, you're rushing behind her. “isis! oh my god, no.” your bodies weave through the students, turning quick corners and barely avoiding colliding with anyone.
isis is fast, you don't catch up with her until she's already outside rushing toward the table your friends always occupied at this time of day. and just your luck, they were all out there. clover sat with an expression entirely too focused for what she was doing, gluing press-on nails to the tips of her fingers. viki was typing away at her computer, eyes flashing between the screen and her written notes beside her working on the essay that was due at the end of the month. and like always, emmy was in her own little world – cuddling close to her boyfriend, jay, his arm set on her shoulders as he pressed kisses against her skin. loving every last giggle he's able to pull from her.
their eyes all slowly snap up when isis is reaching the table, slapping the drawing down in the center. for a second, no one says anything. isis is pointing dramatically across the table with one arm while holding you back with the other. “viki, you owe me fifty bucks. i was right!” brows raise at her words, everyone leaning forward to take a look at the piece of paper on the table.
viki is letting out a gasp, large eyes lifting up to look between you two. “oh my god. riki drew this?” isis is nodding, a proud smile on her face as if she were the one that drew it. “mhm!” she's extending her arm out toward viki, as you give up fighting against her, arms crossed over your chest. “pay up.” your eyes narrow, their words fully processing now.
“wait.” you're pointing between the two of them. “you bet that he'd draw me?” isis snorts, plopping down into the empty bench space, scooting over to make room for you to sit beside her. “no, of course not.” viki says as she reaches into her purse, to grab her wallet – counting out fifty dollars before sliding the cash across the table. her eyes flicker back over to you once isis takes it. “we bet that he's in love with you,”
your jaw drops, eyes blinking as snickers erupt around the table. “what?” you say, though you heard them loud and clear. “riki isn't in love with me,” your head shakes violently, hands waving in front of you like you're physically trying to reject their words. “he so is,” viki says with a laugh, gesturing toward the image that still rests on the table. “look at all the detailing, oh my god.”
emmy reaches for the drawing carefully, she lifts it by the edges oohing and ahhing like she's handling museum grade artwork instead of a normal sketch from some random college boy. “oh, he's head over heels in love.” she says with a gasp, which has jay leaning over to peek at the drawing himself. his brow raises slightly a soft scoff falling from his lips. “ehh, i could do that.” he says with a shrug.
clover is rolling her eyes at his words, “you couldn't, shut up.” she waves him off, extending her hand toward emmy. “let me see.” the drawing is handed across the table and clover holds it the same delicate way emmy had been, viki is leaning over too to get a better look at it. “wait! he even added that heart gem you sometimes put on your cheek.” her eyes snap up to inspect your features. “you're not even wearing one today,” she points out with a grin. “that means he's always paying attention to you. he's so in love, fuck.”
the drawing gets passed from clover to viki, back to emmy over to isis and that's when you're able to grab it, quickly tucking it between the pages of your textbook. “okay, that's enough.” you grumble, paying too much attention to carefully putting the photo away – sure not to bend any edges. it's tucked away safely, your book is closed over it and the conversation had moved on from you.
yet you could still see the drawing each time you blinked, how focused he looked while he was making it and the unmistakable redness at the tip of his ears when he was handing it to you. and the way your friends sounded so sure just by seeing the way he drew you, it didn't make sense. they were being ridiculous, obviously they were. completely and uttering ridiculous.
riki wasn't in love with you. he couldn't be. he was annoying, arrogant, lazy, impossible to work with. why would he be in love with you? the same boy that spent entire lectures spaced out in his sketchbook, showed up to study sessions high and never paid attention when he needed to. and you were the complete opposite of that, there was absolutely no reason for him to be in love with you.
the rest of the week rolls by like it normally would, long lectures, classes with your friends, arguing with riki over assignments, extra credit work. everything was seemingly normal, yet you felt different each time you were flipping open your notebook – being met with the drawing given to you mere days ago. it shouldn't effect you as much as it does. and for this long either, it had been days since riki had torn a page from his sketchbook, holding it out and walking away without any explanation. and he hadn't mentioned it since then, so why were you still replaying the moment like it was some type of profound development in your relationship?
nothing had changed, he was still annoying. still lazy. still attached to your chemistry grade in the most frustrating way. there was no reason why he was flooding your thoughts every few hours like he was anything more than a nuisance. you realize sometime saturday morning that the real problem wasn't the portrait, or the gross attention to detail, it was your friends. they had gotten in your head with that whole 'he's in love with you', nonsense and now you couldn't shake the possibility of that actually being true.
and how it could effect your grade in the future. no matter how many times you explained that riki was an artist and artists noticed things, they never let up. viki had even started referring to him as your 'future husband' each time you brought him up to complain. emmy and isis had somehow constructed an entire relationship timeline based solely on delusion. no wonder you couldn't get him out of your head, your friends made sure it was impossible.
the weekend passes in a blur, more studying, cramming. avoiding pointless hangouts with an excuse of needing to get your work done. in reality, you just needed to spend some time alone – get your feelings in order before you had to start up the school week again. and by monday morning you're more confused than you had been on wednesday when all of this started. you had texted riki twice this weekend, nothing major, everything to do with being lab partners, but you found yourself reading into his responses more than you normally would.
there was your first message friday night, it had taken him four hours to respond and you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing in the time that he wasn't answering you. more curious than anything, because you could only assume that he was focused on drawing – like he always was. and you couldn't help but wonder what he could possibly be drawing and if it had anything to do with you. even thinking that felt delusional. it was one portrait that you basically begged for, why would you spend hours drawing you after that?
anyway, the exchange went like this:
yn. (lab freak) | 21:36
did you take notes this morning?
i feel like im missing smth.
riki nishimura | 01:17
no.
and that was it. no follow up, no question on what you could possibly be missing. just two letters. two letters that took him four hours to type out by the way. you didn't see the message until the next day and it had you in a sour mood all morning, hence your sudden saturday realization of why you were feeling like this over a loser you really couldn't care less about. your damn friends and their teasing, to reiterate.
the next message was midday on sunday. he answered much faster this time, but still with the same level of dryness that you hadn't realized until now was in most of his messages.
yn. (lab freak) | 15:22
we need to be in class early tmrw.
idk what im missing
riki nishimura | 15:24
got u
again, that was it. and you spend much longer than you're willing to admit staring at your message log. eyes rolling with a scoff after a few minutes of staring had passed. yeah right, he was in love with you. he couldn't even hold a proper conversation with you, your friends were just chatting shit like they always did. you were repeating that thought all throughout your classes on monday, reminding yourself each time you caught a glimpse of him in the halls and it was working.
by the afternoon, the possibility was so far from your head it's almost laughable that you had even been considering it in the first place. it's six minutes before you should be meeting riki to go over the notes that you didn't have. you had every intention to be there on time, early even. but the vending machine in the left corner of the dining hall clearly had other plans for you.
“are you kidding me!?” you're grumbling, fingers punching against the numbers aggressively.
riki spots you the moment he's rounding the corner, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he takes lazy steps toward the chemistry lab. his head tilts as he watches you, taking in the annoyed expression on your features and the way you push the buttons of the vending machine repeatedly. you look hot, like you always do and he's not ashamed of the way his eyes travel over your body.
your shirt is simple. just a plain white short sleeved top, nothing flashy about it. but the way the fabric stretched tight over your frame, fitted enough to look intentional without making it seem like you tried too hard has him staring harder than he should be. the shirt stops several inches above your waist, highlighting the dip that he's imagined tracing with his hands more times than he can count. gold chains drape across your hips and stomach, glinting whenever you move.
the skirt you wear is even worse. its tiny, faded denim that looked a bit worn. and it rides up slightly higher on one thigh as you shift your weight, growing impatient with the machine you're fighting. it's becoming annoying how badly he wants to just bend you over and the fact that he can't, can only sketch the moment but he'd never know exactly how you felt beneath him.
honestly, everything about you had been annoying him lately. the way you glared at him, the pretty smiles you saved only for your friends, how close you sat without even realizing it, the sweet smell of your perfume. how you'd always appear in every face he drew – no matter how many times he swore he was done drawing you. yet he couldn't stop his brain from cataloging every last detail about you, storing them away for later. he's already mentally saving the annoyed expression you're wearing right now to use tonight.
“ugh seriously,” you groan, bending down to push the flap of the vending machine back, checking if any of your food had dropped out without you noticing. it hadn't. riki can't help the chuckle that falls from his lips, head shaking from side to side as he makes his way toward you.
you feel his warmth before you fully realize that it's him. one second you're fighting with a vending machine that clearly has some type of vendetta against you, and the next a hand is appearing beside your shoulder. long fingers bracing against glass and effectively enveloping you in his bubble. riki's hip bumps yours lightly, just enough to push you out of the way and you're suddenly aware of how close he is to you. his chest pressed to your shoulder, you can feel the rumble of his voice as he speaks.
“this machine eats bills. you have to use your card,” he's learned that one the hard way, hundreds of dollars wasted before he was putting two and two together. his words barely reach you at first, lips parting slightly as your head tilts up to look at him. and unfortunately seeing him this close undoes all of the mental preparation you've done all morning. because he looks good, effortlessly. and it was ridiculously annoying.
his red racing jacket hangs off his frame in way that should swallow him whole, but instead it does the opposite. the bright red of the fabric brings out the tan undertones of his skin – the pinkness of his lips. his sleeves are too long, bunched up at the elbow so you're able to see the silver jewelry that adorn his wrists and knuckles. you hate that you've started noticing his hands.
especially now because they seem to be everywhere lately. handing you erasers in the middle of lectures, turning pages in text books during study sessions, dragging through his messy sandy blond hair. resting against your waist in daydreams you refuse to examine too closely.
his baseball cap sits low over his eyes, shadowing the upper half of his face, leaving only the sharp line of his nose and mouth visible as he glances down at the payment screen. he's digging through his pocket with his free hand, pulling his wallet out wordlessly. tapping his heavy black card against the screen without even looking, fingers flying as he presses the same buttons you had been before. only this time the machine actually starts rumbling.
the sandwich falls first, chicken salad. and then your sparkling water. he presses a few more buttons, getting himself a protein bar and that shoots out immediately too. you watch as he crouches down, pushing the flap of the machine back to retrieve your items. he hands both of your things up with this annoying cocky smile, eyes glinting as you take it. “bon appetit,” he grins and you're rolling your eyes out of habit.
“thanks,” you mutter, the world coming out reluctantly. as if you're being physically forced to say it. and it's not like you don't appreciate his help, you would've been here all day if it wasn't for him. it's how annoyingly attractive he looked while helping and the fact that you weren't able to ignore it as easily anymore. “do you want me to pay you back?” the question barely leaves your mouth before he's letting out a short scoff through his nose.
“it was six bucks,” he says like you've suggested something genuinely ridiculous. you had. who would charge six dollars for anything? especially when he had voluntarily helped you. he could've kept walking, kept his six dollars to himself. of course you didn't need to pay him back. and he found it funny that you would even think that you needed to.
did your friends suck or something? he's tearing into his protein bar, taking a large bite before his head tilts toward the direction of the science hall. “come on,” he's already starting to walk ahead, back turning toward you like he was sure that you'd follow. “we need to study and we're already late,” he mocks the tone that you frequently use on him, walking forward and you stand there staring at the back of his head for a second. the thoughts that you had shooed away rushing back.
guys didn't just do favors for random girls out of nowhere, right? maybe your friends weren't so far off, because six dollars wasn't a lot, right – but he could've just kept walking. he saw you fumbling and struggling and decided to stop and help you. that had to mean something in guy world, right?
you've decided to use the time you spent with riki as an opportunity to gather evidence of whether or not your friends' hypothesis of him being in love with you were in fact correct. it started with his rescue at the vending machine, creating a possible yes. he helped you figure out your notes, being way more attentive than you've ever seen him before. another yes. but then he ignored you for the rest of the day, even when you waved at him across the hall. back to no.
tuesday morning you texted him to meet in the quad, you needed his half of the packet in order to perfect yours. he didn't text back, so no. but then he was there waiting before you even got to school, so back to yes. he texted you tuesday night, a funny video that related to a comment you made days ago. big yes. but then he left you on read right after that, so back to no.
and we could never forget each time he rejected your requests to see his sketchbook, those were the biggest no's if you've ever seen them before. so by the time wednesday was rolling around, you were more confused than ever. and it wasn't even like you had feelings for riki, he was still everything that you decided he was when you were first meeting him. you just hated the ambiguity of it all. because why would he draw you with so much detail, but then ignore you immediately after?
it didn't make sense. he didn't make sense.
the two of you occupy your usual table near the back of the room. professor alexander has a video playing at the front of the room about reaction rates, but everyone is mainly doing their own thing. except you, you're taking notes. raising your hand and requesting bits to be replayed as you typed rhythmically. riki is drawing beside you, head bowed and arm guarding his book like it always does.
the fact that he somehow maintains his academic rank despite spending every lecture doodling remains one of the greatest injustices you've ever witnessed and you'd never stop mentioning it for as long as you were forced to know him. still, you take your notes peacefully. gliding the cursor over important sentences to highlight them, adding comments in the margins. these were good notes. maybe some of the best notes you've ever taken, so your annoyance when someone is calling your name is justified.
you're glancing up with furrowed brows riki's head lifting along with yours. jungwon stands at the edge of your desk. you recognize him from your physics class. he was smart, funny, and almost as high strung as you. his dimples pop as he smiles at you, hair swishing to the side as he tilts his head. “a couple of us are going to trivia night friday,” he says it like you're meant to do something with the information, you're nodding slightly.
“okay.”
for a second, his eyes drift to riki and you're following his gaze, missing the way he had been frowning because he's quickly dropping his attention back to his sketchbook. “you should come,” he offers and you already feel the pull to say no, but you're stuck with the disappointment that you know will come with it. it's not like you didn't want to, just that you saved friday's to go to the gym, catch up on homework... and the fact that you hated trivia. but then again, jungwon was kind enough to invite you. and there had to be a reason why he was thinking of you of all people to join his group.
what could be the harm? you haven't gone out in a while. “sure,”
jungwon's smile brightens, “seriously?” you can't help but laugh at his excitement, head bobbing in a nod. “yeah, it could be fun.” he's nodding along with you in agreement, finger typing away at his phone before he's extending it out to you – the screen prompting you to put your number in. “it will be, i'll text you about it.” a few more words are exchanged between the two of you before he's turning to head back toward his seat.
the moment he's out of earshot, riki is letting out a scoff. you turned to find him sitting there with his nose scrunched as if he just smelled something unpleasant. your brow lifts as you stare at him, “what's your problem?” his shoulders lift in a shrug, head dropping back down to shade the edges of his drawing. “thought you didn't like trivia,” he mumbles and you don't miss the pout that forms on his lips. you ignore how cute the expression is, focusing on how he could possibly know you didn't like trivia.
“what are you talking about?”
his eyes lift with a huff, wrist quickly flipping his sketchbook closed so he can lean back in his chair. “you don't like trivia.” the statement falls from his lips with complete certainty. like he's simply informing you of a fact. one plus one is two. the sky is blue. the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. and you did not like trivia. still, you feel the need to defend yourself. “yes, i do.”
riki's eyes roll immediately. “no you don't,” he counters and his confidence annoys you. “since when do you know that i like?” you challenge. the expression on his face suggest you're the one being unreasonable. questioning something that the both of you knew to be true. “you literally told me.” he recalls the conversation perfectly, it hadn't been entirely deep or anything of the sort. but it was a fact. and maybe it was a terrible habit of his, but he could never seem to ignore the facts.
you're blinking up at him. “when did i tell you that?”
that has him letting out an annoyed huff. if you wanted to lie in order to go on a stupid date with jungwon, that was one thing. but acting like he didn't know what was true was a different type of annoying. “our second week as partners. like four months ago. one of the options for the lab of that week was to create a trivia game and you said you hated trivia because it was a lame way for dumb people to feel smart. and then you went on an entire rant about how real knowledge was in essays and research,” the conversation slowly comes back to you as he recounts it.
but he's not done. “and then, you went on about how escape rooms were a scam, that rant lasted for thirteen minutes before we were bringing it back to the assignment. i asked you how many escape rooms you had to fail, before you were deciding they were all scams and you yelled at me for going off topic. you. don't. like. trivia.” he slows down his last sentence, figuring you needed to hear it slowly for it to register in your brain. the silence stretches between the two of you as you stare at him with your mouth agape.
every single one of those things sounds exactly like something you would absolutely say. and the issue wasn't even that he proved you wrong, it was the fact that he had remembered something random you had said to him four months ago. you had forgotten literally five minutes after the words left your mouth, but he held onto them for a four full months. and somehow that was turning all your big no's regarding the hypothesis of your friends into absolute yeses.
you decide to keep your findings to yourself until you have real concrete evidence. right now you were working on hypotheticals, that wasn't enough to determine someone's feelings. especially someone as unreliable as riki nishimura. you're calling him that same night without even thinking twice about it, the chemistry assignment that had been given at the end of class was due in a few hours and you needed to make sure he had done his part. that was your excuse. a perfectly reasonable excuse.
the phone rings twice before his face appears on the screen. and immediately something inside of you feels off. because while you've seen riki every single day for the past four months, seeing him through your phone felt different. he was sitting on the floor beside his bed, one knee drawn up toward his chest while the phone was propped awkwardly against something out of frame. the lighting of his room dim and warm, creating pretty shadows along his jaw and cheekbones. his hair is messier than usual, his white tank top hanging loose around his shoulders.
he's staring back at you, glossy eyes scanning over your features and one thing becomes obvious as you watch him. he's smiling, like actually smiling, nothing like the annoying smirk he always seemed to wear. your eyes are narrowing at the sight of it. “what's wrong with you?” riki blinks, a soft chuckle falling from his lips as his eyes scan your features. “what do you mean?”
you're in your room from what he can tell, laying flat on your stomach with the phone angled just slightly above your head. you look pretty, hair cascading down your shoulders and an accusatory expression directed at him. lips perfectly glossed like they always are and he doesn't try to hide the way his eyes drift down to them. “why are you smiling like that?” your lip curls up and nose scrunches like you're disgusted by the idea of him experiencing any type of happiness.
he's laughing. it's such a pretty rare sound and hearing it reminds you instantly how stingy he was with his laughter. there was no way he'd just be giving laughs away right now, especially when there was absolutely nothing funny. realization dawns on you a minute too late. “oh my god,” you're leaning forward, glaring at him through the screen.
riki is leaning back as if you're able to jump through. “are you high?” the smile on his face widens as he nods his head up and down, but his words betray his movements. “maybe,” you're groaning, positive now that he hadn't even looked at the assignment let alone started it. he was too busy getting doped out on god knows what and you had like three hours before your work was due.
“you're unbelievable, riki.” he's blowing an obnoxious kiss in your direction before another string of laughter is leaving his lips. “thank you,” he doesn't even flinch at the scowl you send his way, proving just how far gone he was. “no. dude we have work due. did you even start it? what is wrong with you?” he's barely listening as you slip into one of your many lectures. “like it's one thing if you want to throw your life away, but don't drag me along with you, riki. why can't you just do you work when it's due? why do i always have to remind you, like-”
he's interrupting you before you can finish your next set of insults. “are we partners or are you the boss of me?” his head tilts to the side like he was genuinely curious about the answer to his question and that confuses you. “...what?” he repeats the words harmlessly, like the issue was you just didn't hear him correctly. you're blinking, brows furrowing slightly. “what are you talking about? we're partners...”
“okay then,” he says with a nod, “then relax. if you did your part, assume i did mine. you're not in charge, yn.” he reaches for something off screen, the neckline of his tank top drooping as he leans forward and you're catching a glimpse of the muscles stretched beneath his tanned skin hidden by the fabric of his shirt. your eyes are snapping back up to his face when he's shifting back into frame. “plus aren't you going on a fuck ass trivia date?” his lips wrap around his straw, cheeks hallowing as he sucks back big gulps from his milk tea.
“that's not until friday. and it's not a date,” he's setting his drink down, leaning against the edge of his bed. “well, don't take that out on me,” he says with a laugh, tongue running over his lower lip as his eyes trace over you. “i don't know what you're talking about. did you do the assignment or not?” you're ignoring the way his eyes on you makes your head spin, the question coming out sharper than you initially intended.
the smile never leaves his face. his head tilted back, toying with something between his fingers as you stare at him, waiting. it takes a few seconds for you to realize that he has no intention of answering you. “riki.” he hums vaguely, barely focused on the issue at hand. he's just staring at you like a weirdo. you're rolling your eyes, head shaking. “oh my god.” you huff. “it's due in three hours, three.” you hold your fingers up for emphasis and riki's head bobs in a nod.
his gaze shifts lower for a second, lingering below your nose and you watch the way his lashes flutter, teeth tugging at his lower lip as his gaze drags back up to your eyes. you don't dare to delve into what he could be thinking. you stay focused to what's safe. “and did you hear that professor will be taking points off if our formatting is wrong? make sure to double check yours. it needs to be done tonight, you're not going to have time if you're focused on cosplaying as a stoner loser,”
riki's shoulders shake with laughter, “how much time do you think you spend worrying about me?” he asks with a grin, eyes traveling down the length of your neck noticing the way your tits press against the fabric of your shirt and you're shifting before he can decipher whether or not you're wearing a bra. “i'm not worried about you, riki. you can flunk out of life for all i care, my grade is attached to yours, that's the issue.” he likes the way your head tilts when you feel like you're telling him off.
“should i kick it into gear then? if i start trying as hard as you do, there's no way you'd be able to keep up.” you know he's talking about grades, but the way his eyes linger on your mouth has you thinking there's something else hidden in his words. you're ignoring that too. “if you just tell me whether or not you're done or almost done, i'll leave you alone,” his lips push out in a pout, heading leaning to the side slightly as he feigns disappointment.
“aw, but you're not killing my high at all,” he fake coos, pout shifting into a grin when he watches the way your face twists. he knew exactly how to push your buttons, he loved how easily he was able to rile you up. it's like everything he did got under your skin in the best way. “ugh, do you see how insufferable you are!?” your reaching up to tug your hair back and his eyes are shooting down quickly, peeking at your chest before rushing back up to your face. no bra, hm. he's saving that away for later.
you're taking his silence as your cue to hurl more insults his way, you're three sentences in when you realize that he's definitely not listening to you. just staring absently at your mouth as you speak. that has your words slowing, confusion making it's way into your tone. “okay. what are you looking at?” you snap, earning a line of snickers from him.
“your lips,” he says it like its the most obvious thing in the world, gesturing vaguely at the screen. “they're nice.” he decides to keep it tame, because what was actually at the tip of his tongue would've earned him a swift end to the call and a restraining order the next day, he was sure of it. “that's such a weird thing to say,” you're scoffing but he doesn't miss the soft pink that lifts on your cheeks.
he's nodding easily, “i'm aware.”
“then why would you even say that?” his gaze hasn't lifted from your lips once actually, it seemed like he was looking at them more intently since he had admitted that he was. “because i was thinking it,” he shrugs, tongue tracing over his own lips as he stares at yours. and you feel the heat of his stare even through the screen, it's enough to have you shifting on your bed, trying to soothe some of the tension rising in your stomach.
“you're high,” you point out, more so for yourself than to him. he's laughing, nodding quickly. “you're so smart,” he smiles and you're continuing on without missing a bit. “a normal person would've just kept that thought to themselves,” dark eyes roll down at you, his shoulders lifting in a shrug and plump lips puckering out, “oops.” despite yourself, you're letting out a laugh. it's how cute he looks with that expression on his face, like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
and his laughter follows yours, warm and clearly amused. undeniably pleased with himself because for the first time in how ever long he's known you, this was the first time that you looked relax talking to him. although, it only lasted a few seconds – he'd take it. your eyes lift to find his after the laughter had died down and he doesn't look the least bit embarrassed.
he just settles deeper against the side of his bed, a satisfied smirk on his lips as he watches you. “your turn, compliment me.” he says after a minute. the words catch you off guard, forcing your brows to shoot up. he sounds so casual as he speaks too, as if he was asking you something simple like 'pass the salt'. like he hadn't just spent the last ten minutes openly checking you out and now was asking you to do the same.
but no matter how cute he looked in that one moment, you weren't one to fall for his gimmicks. there was a reason why you were suffering through this phone call in the first place. “did you finish the assignment or not?” his smile doesn't falter, not for a second. one shoulder lifts, then drops. “maybe, maybe not.” you're letting out a huff, that he quickly joins already predicting the sounds you make when you're annoyed with him. “riki.” you warn.
“i'll tell you once i get my compliment,” on screen, he's reaching forward again, leaning over lifting slightly to reach the top of the desk beside him. you watch as he gathers supplies slowly, tucking each item in his palm before searching through loose sheets of paper for the next. rolling paper. grinder. lighter. lastly he's grabbing a tray littered with clumps of weed.
riki plops back down onto his butt, being met with your glare. “do you really think you should be getting more high right now?” there's obvious judgment in your tone that he chooses to ignore. his gaze flicks upward, long fingers plucking up a few pieces of flower before dropping them into the grinder. “i'll definitely take your opinion into consideration,” he grins, twisting his wrists to work the metal between his hands.
you're groaning, flopping backward against the pillow. “we're so going to fail,” you sigh, hands reaching up to swipe across your face. on the screen, riki looks entirely too comfortable with your distress. you hadn't missed the way his tank top stretches across his chest, his collarbones on full display covered by the silver chains he never seemed to take off. the worst part is how focused he looks rolling another blunt for himself.
you've seen the same look of concentration on his face countless times before, usually saved for when he was drawing. hands steady as always, moving with the same confidence that they always do. his tongue briefly presses against the inside of his cheek as he works and you hate the way your eyes follow the movement of it, watching closely as the tip of his tongue traces his lips.
“come on,” he says, voice forcing your attention upward. “one compliment,” he's not looking at you, one hundred percent focused on sprinkling the freshly ground weed onto the rolling paper. “am i so bad that you can't even think of one?” your lips twist to the side as you look him over, it wasn't like you couldn't come up with a compliment for him. you weren't blind, everyone on campus knew how attractive riki was. it was his attitude that kept all the girls away, not his face, he was hot. objectively of course. but you'd never say that out loud.
instead, you watch him carefully. the paper rests against his knee while his hands move with practiced ease. his fingers work automatically, rolling and adjusting without needing to look down for more than a second at a time. you find yourself watching him longer than necessary, then for a few more seconds after that just in case. his rings catch the warm glow of his lamp off in the distance each time his wrist twists. his thumb smoothing across the paper before he's bringing it toward his lips.
the tip of his tongue brushes across the edge of the paper and you don't miss the way his eyes flicker up to you as it does, forcing a gasp from your lips. his brow furrows, fake confusion riddling his features as he watches you act like you hadn't been staring. “you really have nothing for me? don't you want to know if we're going to pass or fail?” he doesn't even care that it feels like he's begging for a compliment, because he was curious. you were so loose with the insults you had for him, but he knew there had to be something else to go along with all of that.
“you're literally holding my chemistry grade hostage,” you point out and he nods happily, thumb flicking against his lighter before running the fire across the body of his blunt. he's lighting the end without wasting another second, bringing one end to his lips as he does. “so what's it going to be, princess? are we releasing the hostages or is this a suicide mission?” his brow lifts, inhaling deeply with his blunt pressed to his lips.
you're rolling your eyes. “you're so lame,” you say through an amused sigh. you sit there for a short while, watching him inhale and exhale, his lips puckering as he blows smoke from them. he reaches off screen to shake the ash off every few puffs before sinking back against his bed. riki doesn't take his eyes off of you the entire time, watching you through his long lashes patiently. “ugh, fine.” you're finally saying, earning a satisfied grin from him.
“remember last year? when your hair was black, that looked good,” he can't help the laugh that escape his lips, leave it to you to insult and compliment him all at the same time. “that's not a compliment.” he points out, because you know it's not. but because you're so stubbornly you, you're standing ten toes behind your lame attempt to get your way. “it is,” your arms cross over your chest, jaw set like you were begging for him to challenge you.
and he was never one to back down from a challenge. “no. that's you complimenting a version of me that literally doesn't exist anymore,” your shoulders lift in a quick shrug. “still counts.” he's snorting, deciding that he was finished with his blunt, he presses the end into the tray by his thigh. “you're basically saying i looked better a year ago... and why do you even know what i looked like a year ago? we just met,” it's not like it was impossible for you to have seen him before, but you didn't strike him as the type to notice anyone who didn't fall in your immediate circle.
so spotting him, seeing his hair, deciding you liked it and committing to memory seemed very out of character for you. your mouth opens to defend yourself, but you're quickly realizing that you had nothing to say to justify how or why you'd remember what he looked like last year. nothing that wouldn't give away the fact that you thought he was cute the first time you saw him, developed a tiny crush that was quickly snuffed out when you found out how much of a slacker he was.
“should i pretend this doesn't mean you've been keeping tabs on me?” he teases after you've been quiet for too long and you're groaning, eyes rolling as you pull the phone away from your face. you can hear his laughter through the speaker, body feeling warm enough that he's hunching over to the side as his laughs shake his body. you find him laying on his side when you lift the phone back up, a silly smile on his lips. he's instantly spotting the embarrassed flush of your cheeks.
“relax, princess. i spotted you the first day of freshmen year,” he confesses, but doesn't give you a moment to react before he's changing the subject. “and i finished my part like an hour after it was assigned. i'll email you,” he's deciding that's the end of the conversation, finger pressing against the red button on the screen before you're able to get a goodbye in.
thursday afternoon you're finding riki sat with his friends in the center of the student union. it's loud enough to make concentrating impossible, chatter from the groups scattered around the building creating a unbalanced hum, someone plays music from a speaker, a group of freshmen argue over a card game by the window. the smell of coffee and french fries sits permanently in the air.
riki leans back comfortably in his chair, scrolling aimlessly through his phone while jake and sunghoon bicker about something or another. the thick review packet you had handed him this morning sits untouched in front of him and it was most likely going to stay that way until he decided that he was running out of time to finish it. jake spots you first, charging into the building with an all too serious expression on your face. his conversation with sunghoon dies as his eyes widen, “oh no.” sunghoon is following his gaze, a grin pulling across his lips. “oh here comes your wife,” he says, jutting his chin out to point in your direction.
it takes a moment before riki is realizing that they're talking to him, he's glancing over his shoulder quickly his eyes instantly finding you. purpose behind each kick of your long legs, your ponytail swings behind you with each step. your eyes are already zeroed on him as you walk, the pleats of your skirt shift around your thighs as you squeeze through tables making a beeline in his direction. a binder tucked beneath one arm, iced coffee gripped in your hand. he doesn't even need to guess why you're heading over to him and he's already bored.
“hi, yn.” he groans as you're setting the binder onto the table, pulling out the empty chair beside him and lowering yourself into it. you ignore his greeting, immediately pointing at the untouched review packet. “we need to study. i don't care if you think you can wing it,” jake averts his gaze as soon as he hears the sternness in your voice and sunghoon is deciding that his drink is the most fascinating thing in the world. riki stares blankly at you before his eyes are drifting to his friends for some sort of backup, only to realize they're both cowards.
“you guys are pathetic,” he grumbles. “we haven't even said anything!” jake defends and riki is scoffing, “that's the point.” they've heard riki complain about you enough to know to stay out of it. he described you as his personal academic probation officer and the fact that you were a certified ten did very little to take away from how annoying you got when it came to school work. it was funny enough when riki was just complaining about you, but actually witnessing it in person was far more entertaining. they were just smart enough not to get in the way of your line of fire.
you ignore them entirely. “when were you planning on studying?” he shrugs. “tomorrow,” he says it like it was a suggestion, because in all reality he hadn't put much thought into it. he figured he'd flip through the text book a few minutes before the test started and call it a day. that's what he did most of the time, but the fact that this test was a joint one – you weren't going to let his lazy efforts slide.
“the test is tomorrow, riki.” you point out and he nods, lips lifting to show off that stupid grin. “exactly.” he smiles and you're shaking your head, reaching over him to flip open the packet that you had given him. you could tell that he hadn't even bothered to open it since this morning. “this is a big test, riki. we need to get a good score,” that's what you always said, everything was a big deal. and that just didn't make sense, because if everything was a big deal – then nothing was.
his eyes drift over your features slowly, sliding down the length of your neck to dance over the lace collar of your shirt. a tiny cute bow rests between your breasts against the fabric and he imagines for a second his teeth tugging at it. “have you eaten anything yet?” his hand expertly shoves the packet aside as he turns fully in his chair to look down at you. your brows raise, “what are you talking about?”
“it's lunch time.” his eyes flicker toward your untouched coffee, then back up to your face. “did you eat?” for a moment you're genuinely confused, his sudden concern for whether or not you've eaten seemed unrelated to the very important matter at hand. “we need to study. i have no idea where you're at with any of this stuff. i'll worry about my stomach later,” across the table, sunghoon slowly lowers his drink. jake's face is scrunching up in pure confusion, because this interaction looks insane.
riki is pushing the packet away fully now, the thick pages knocking against sunghoon's fist. he quickly gets the hint, pulling the stack of papers from the table and setting it in his lap. riki catches the movement from the corner of his eye, a smirk spreading across his lips. “let's go eat,” you can’t focus on the way they’re so obviously hiding the packet from you, not when riki is standing from his seat, holding a large hand down to you.
“you want to get lunch?” he's nodding quickly, wiggling his fingers out to you. and you're reluctantly taking his hand, allowing him to pull you up from the seat. he ushers you in front of him, review packet completely forgotten as he leads you down the hall. “we're studying after,” you warn, a finger pointed in his direction. riki nods simply, hand ghosting over the small of your back as the two of you walk toward the dining hall.
emmy notices you first. one second she's following the others through the dining hall, her plate balanced on one hand while she texts expertly with the other, half listening to clover as she complains about her professor who she was positive was racist and sexist and that's why her grade was suffering. the next, her attention is catching on a familiar ponytail swishing through the crowd.
she almost lifts a hand to wave you over, before she's noticing who's trailing closely behind you. riki. of course. viki is egging clover on while isis and jay look for a good spot to sit, none of them paying attention to the breaking news that just entered the dining hall. “guys,” emmy calls, the hurried tone of her voice making them stop in their tracks. she's gesturing widely over at you, you're mid rant it seems and riki half listens with his hand on your waist – guiding you toward the array of food.
he nods along to what you're saying as if he's actually listening and that's shocking enough for your friends. most people gave up trying to follow your stream of consciousness after about thirty seconds, riki has apparently survived the entire walk across the union and from the looks of it, you weren't even close to wearing him down. they watch as he walks you to the serving line, reaching for the stack of empty plates to hand one over to you. and before you can finish whatever point you're making, riki is picking one of the better looking sandwiches from the selection, setting it down on your plate.
the gesture has your friends gaping. “is he serving her?” viki asks, head tilting to the side as he scoops some salad onto your plate. across the room, you hold your plate out for him, words still flowing from your lips without missing a beat and riki is positive you no longer care if he's listening, you enjoy the sound of your own voice way too much to notice either way.
the two of you are making your way to one of the empty tables hidden in the corner of the room without a second thought, you don't even realize your friends are also in the room as you settle onto the bench. the moment you're settling, you're rummaging through your bag to pull out your notes – spreading them over the table. isis is letting out an amused snort. “of course she would,” she comments, pushing a few fries past her lips.
you flip through highlighted pages, immediately launching into what can only be described as an impromptu study session. you didn't miss the way riki ditched his review packet back with his friends, but that wasn't going to stop you from reviewing. how foolish of him to think you wouldn't have copies of everything you needed to know for the test tomorrow. riki squirts a healthy amount of ketchup on his plate, mindlessly twirling a chicken strip in it before he's tearing a bite off.
he's barely listening as you drone on, his fingers lifting your wrapped straw from the table. riki's carefully tearing the plastic off before dropping it into your lemonade, gently pushing the glass toward you. and your friends eat up the silent gesture, nearly losing their minds when you're reaching for the cup almost immediately, taking a sip out of it like it's the most natural thing in the world. you're right back to reading before you've even set the glass back down and riki is shaking his head.
he says something to you that forces you to glare over at him and his shoulders are lifting in a careless shrug, eyes dropping to his plate as he shoves more food into his mouth. you try to continue reading but he shakes his head, body turning from you with each sentence you try to read. eventually, you're giving up, reaching down to unwrap your sandwich before taking a bite out of it. that has a smile spreading across his features, but he's frowning again when you're turning back to your notes.
the two of you continue like that through the entire hour. riki urging you to eat and ditch the notes while you tried to sneak little facts into your conversation. entirely in your own little bubble, you had no idea how domestic the two of you looked to any outsiders. your friends sat confused at the other side of the room, mini debates erupting on whether or not the two of you were together for real now, because from where they were sitting, you looked exactly like a couple that had no idea they were acting like one yet.
the sky opened up thirty minutes before the start of your first class. the insistent patter of rain hitting against the windows, roaring through every classroom on campus. the weather had apparently changed it's mind since you had checked the app this morning, it wasn't supposed to rain until after six. which is exactly why you dressed the way you had this morning. one of your favorite mini skirts and a leather tube top, you couldn't be more poorly dressed for the weather.
by the time you're stepping out of the library, the sky has turned an ugly gray. water slams against the pavement hard enough to blur the opposite side of campus. even still, you can make out the way students dart between buildings, backpacks lifted over their heads while they sprint through the puddles. you’re stuck in the doorway, staring into the storm knowing at some point you were going to have to suck it up. your class was on the other side of the campus, fifteen minutes away.
the wind blows wet droplets in your directions and you flinch as the cold water hits your skin. yeah, there was no way you'd be able to do this. “run. you can do it,” you hear from behind you, sarcastically encouraging and you're recognizing the voice before you're even turning around. riki. of course it was. this man was literally everywhere and you genuinely couldn't understand why.
he's stepping to stand beside you, eyes shamelessly dragging over your body. your tiny skirt hung low on your hips, revealing the chains and beads around your waist that he was quickly realizing were permanent. a strapless top that left your shoulders bare and he found it interesting how you were able to make shoulders distracting. gold jewelry hanging from your neck, wrists, fingers and even a cuff around your thigh. you definitely didn't bother to check the weather before leaving your room.
“maybe you can't do it,” he's taking back his statement, eyes drifting to how hard the rain was falling and how little clothes you were wearing. his doubt had a competitive fire lighting in your chest. “i can make it,” he's laughing at the obnoxiously determined look painting your features. “you'd make it about ten feet before eating shit,” he predicts, eyes dropping down to the heels that you're wearing. the sound of rain pounding harder against the pavement proves his point.
you stand there eyeing the storm while riki stands there watching you. students continue to rush past, grumbling about you both being in the way, but neither of you bother to move. it's like you're stuck in place, because the image of you attempting to run across campus ends one of three ways. a twisted ankle, a destroyed outfit or and this one came with either option – public humiliation. no thank you.
riki is letting out a sigh like he's accepted some terrible burden, he shifts and for a second you assume he's finally leaving you to figure this out without his scrutinizing stare. but he doesn't go far, just close enough to the building to toss his backpack inside, hands reaching up to tug at the zipper of his hoodie. you watch as he shrugs the garment off, revealing a black tank top that hangs loosely from his shoulders. the muscles of his arms flex as he balls up the sweater in his hands, dropping it onto your head.
“ow.” the fabric muffles your voice and riki is rolling his eyes. “it's cotton,” you reach up to yank it off of your head, “yeah, but it still hit me.” you're ready to shoot a glare up at him but he's already started walking away. stepping into the rain without a glance backward. and you have to blink a few times to ensure you were seeing him correctly. within seconds his dark shirt clings to his back, heavy droplets weighing down his once styled hair. he's soaked before he's even a foot away, but he doesn't react. his hands are shoved deep in his pockets as each step grows the distance between you.
oh this was definitely, without a doubt a yes. your eyes drop to the black hoodie in your hands, the entire exchange had to have lasted less than three seconds. he saw that you were in need of something and without asking he was providing it to you. despite the fact that it was a huge disadvantage to him. your friends weren't crazy, you were. and riki too. he better not get sick over this.
by the time you pull the sweater onto your body, he's halfway across the quad. sunghoon is catching up to him with an umbrella and you feel less bad about the warmth of his hoodie. the sleeves extend beyond your fingertips and you have to push them out of the way in order to tug the zipper up. the hem swallows your skirt entirely. you're flipping the hood up before taking a careful step forward, completely enveloped in the scent of him.
it's a mixture of his expensive smelling cologne, laundry detergent and weed. you've spent enough afternoons sat beside him to recognize he always smelled good. but being wrapped in it was entirely different. it was almost intoxicating and you can't help the way your eyes flutter as his scent brings along images of him standing this close, surrounding you instead of his hoodie.
later that day, riki spots you quicker than he's willing to admit. the halls are crowded between classes, students weaving in every direction, headphones covering their ears and coffee cups clutched in their hands. you're across the way, but it's like riki can hear your voice perfectly in his ear the second his eyes are finding you. his hoodie still swallows your frame, you've even rolled up the sleeves to make it more comfortable, as if you planned on keeping it on permanently. it falls almost to the middle of your thighs, turning what should be an over sized sweater to something that looks more like a dress. and he can't get over how good his hoodie looked on your body.
the fact that you could've taken it off hours ago lingers in his mind. the rain had stopped just before noon, the sun was out and you hadn't been outside since this morning. even still, you're walking the halls in something that smells like him. and the realization makes his stomach tighten unexpectedly. riki doesn't realize how hard he's staring until jake's words are coming to a halt, his eyes following his gaze.
a grin slowly spreading across his features. “oh,” riki already knows that tone and he's rolling his eyes before anything else could be said. his eyes drift over to jake who's staring at him with a knowing smirk on his lips, dramatically squinting toward the opposite side of the hall where you and clover are disappearing from view, still deep in conversation.
“isn't that your hoodie?” sunghoon finally looks up from his phone, catching a glimpse of you just before you're disappearing. he recognizes the sweater immediately, he's asked to borrow it about a million times and was met with the same answer every single time. his eyes narrow almost immediately, gaze shifting back to riki. “what the hell?” he doesn't even bother to hide how offended he is. “why is yn wearing your three-thousand-dollar hoodie?” it's the exact wording riki's used each and every time he's told sunghoon he couldn't borrow it.
“three thousand two hundred,” the correction leaves his mouth automatically and jake is closing his eyes, hand reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head. “we have to eat the rich,” he says it like there's no other choice and riki is snorting beside him. “you say that every other day,” his hand reaches up to push at his hair, it had dried since this morning laying a little too messily at the top of his head so he couldn't stop messing with it.
“because every other day you say something insane,” jake is glancing back in the direction that you had just disappeared in and sunghoon is quick to bring them back on track. “anyway. why?” he says with his arms crossed over his chest.
riki is letting out a soft laugh, shoving his hands into his pockets as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “it was raining. and she was wearing the tiniest skirt... so i let her borrow it,” it made sense at the time and honestly, it still made sense now. you made it to class without having to run and although he did get soaked, he had dried off by now.
no harm, no foul.
the explanation isn't enough to satisfy either of his friends, though. “borrow until when?” sunghoon presses, ready to claim his spot in line after you, if hoodies were just being handed out willy nilly. riki's answer should be immediate, a time frame of when he was going to get his clothes back, but in reality he hadn't given you one and he didn't really care to.
he's shrugging slightly, “i don't know.” the image flashes through his head again before he can manage to stop it. the too long sleeves rolled over your wrists, soft hem brushing your thighs and the way you were laughing with clover seeming undeniably comfortable in what you were wearing. and he beamed at the fact that it belonged to him. and he just loved knowing you were breathing him in each time you took a breath. the thought has a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “yeah, i don't know... she looks good in it,”
that has sunghoon erupting, his arms thrown up as he lets out a frustrated groan. “you have got to be kidding me,” he's quickly diving into a rant about fairness and friendship and how sharing was caring, arms flying around as he dated their entire friendship and all of the sacrifices he's made in the past and how this moment was actively shaping their future. riki is only half listening, he's too busy imagining what you'd look like wrapped in his hoodie but on top of him. how easy it would be to push it up to fuck into you. he could picture the way he'd go crazy nuzzling his face in your neck and smelling himself against your skin.
jake can tell how far gone his friend is just by looking, eyes barely focused as sunghoon rants and he knows that he’s somewhere else. it's concerning because in the years he's known riki, he's never seen him this interested in a girl. it's been months of this silent pining after you when the riki he knew would've gotten it done in a day or two. and the slow burn of it all had jake believing that there was something entirely else there.
“i need to smoke,” jake's interrupting act two of sunghoon's speech, reaching behind his ear to pull a pre-roll free. that catches both boys attention better than he had expected. “let's go out to my car, i have like three i haven't finished.” riki says and the three of them make their way toward the double doors. the sidewalks still glisten beneath the sun, water dripping from the tree branches overhead. jake holds his blunt between his lips, lighting it carefully before inhaling sharply. he lets the smoke hit his lungs, circulating before he's exhaling through his nose. he repeats the action two more times before he's holding his hand out to riki.
who takes it without hesitation and as he's bringing the unlit end to his lips, jake is asking the question they've all been too afraid to say out loud. “do you have feelings for yn?” the words hit riki deep in his chest, but he doesn't let himself think too deeply on it. instead, he's letting a laugh fall from his lips. a real genuine laugh that only dies when he's fitting the blunt between his lips again, taking a long drag from it. jake and sunghoon exchange a look across him, neither of them cracking the slightest of smiles. because that was answer enough and his silence after just solidified it.
riki doesn't say anything else the entire walk to his car, handing the blunt over to sunghoon and tucking his hand deep into his pocket, jake's words still linger in his mind and the fact that he truly had no other answer besides the one that he gave. and he's not even sure what's funny anymore.
riki has made a skill out of drawing you from memory. his pencil moves the moment he's sat in his room, comfortably slumped at his desk. the familiar lines of your face appearing before he even had the chance to do anything about it. every time he closed his eyes, he can still see exactly how you looked this afternoon, his hoodie covering your body. and he can't keep himself from detailing the exact image, the way the over sized shoulders hung lower than they should've, the sleeves that you had to keep rolling up. how he was fully imagining that you had nothing else underneath and all he had to do was tug a zipper to reveal your body to his greedy eyes.
you're laying back on his bed in the drawing, lip tucked between your teeth, brows knitted as obvious focus takes over your features. your hair is down in the drawing, tangled and messy in a way that it never is but he craved to see. legs spread as you lean back, the tips of your fingers peeking from the too long sleeves to reach between them. his breath hitches as his pencil moves lower, one of your hands holding the hoodie out of the way so he can watch your fingers move between your legs.
he feels the way his jeans tighten as his pencil creates the lines of your pussy, cute and dripping as always. you're making a mess on the sheets below you, arousal dripping from the tip of your fingers and he wanted so desperately to be able to suck it off. his hand reaches below his desk as his phone buzzes, the vibration rattling across the wood. his eyes shift toward it, widening when he sees your name flash on his screen.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:42
ill bring ur hoodie back tmrw
a smile immediately tugs at the corner of his lips. of course you'd be up worrying about returning his things when you should definitely be asleep. he could guess that you just finished studying too. he's typing the next two words before he can talk himself out of it, eyes flickering up to the half finished drawing of you on his desk.
riki nishimura | 00:44
keep it.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:44
are you insane?
this is a three thousand dollar hoodie.
riki laughs quietly to himself. he found it funny how the first thing you'd think of is looking up how much it cost and needing to return it back as quickly as possible now that you knew. he can practically picture you sitting there with your brows pulled together, offended on principle by the existence of a three-thousand-dollar hoodie even existing. he's nudging his drawing to the side slightly, lifting his phone with both hands before leaning back against his chair.
he can hear the way you roll your eyes through the screen and that has him grinning, pleased that he's able to annoy you even through text. he's setting his phone down, deciding that was the end of the conversation as he lifts his pencil from his desk. he's back to outlining the folds of your pussy, the way your fingers hold your lips out of his way. shading carefully to make it obvious how soft he knew you'd be. his phone is buzzing again before he can move onto your thighs.
yn. (lab freak) | 00:59
ill wash it then bring it to u
should i have it dry cleaned?
riki stares at the message for a second before laughing. you really do take everything so seriously. the hoodie had been hanging in his closet next to several others almost exactly like it three days ago. he had dropped it on your head without even thinking twice about it and if you had dropped it in a puddle he probably wouldn't have noticed until next week.
meanwhile here you were researching the specific care instructions for the garment.
riki nishimura | 01:02
why would u dry clean it
yn. (lab freak) | 01:02
bc its THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!?
riki nishimura | 01:05
relax
i got it so long ago
its prob not even worth that much anymore
yn. (lab freak) | 01:06
easy for u to say
not all of us can spend rent money on sweaters
like its nothing
riki nishimura | 01:07
its a nice sweater???
yn. (lab freak) | 01:08
i genuinely hate talking to u
the grin stays on his face as his eyes drift toward his drawing of you staring back at him on his table. he's not sure when it happened, but conversations with you somehow have become more entertaining than drawing. which is saying something.
riki nishimura | 01:10
just keep it
yn. (lab freak) | 01:11
no
i can't.
riki nishimura | 01:11
yes u can
yn. (lab freak) | 01:13
why?
his mind drifts briefly to the memory that had him sat at his drawing desk in the first place. the reason why he wanted you to keep a hoodie that he wouldn't even let his friends breathe too hard near. it's the image of you walking the hallway, sleeves rolled up and the over sized fit. completely unaware how you looked to him, how it felt to have some sort of claim over you when all he could manage were these midnight drawings.
he liked seeing you wrapped up in something of his. it made the hundreds of drawings of you feel less pathetic, because at least when you were wearing his hoodie it was something real. tangible. there was no denying who it belonged to and he could easily convince himself that you liked the feeling of being wrapped up in him just as much as he liked seeing it. his thumbs hover over the keyboard, teeth tugging over his lower lip as he carefully types out each letter. he's locking his phone as soon as he's pressed send, walking away from it as if it'd detonate at any given moment.
the text comes through your phone immediately and you can't help the tug you feel in your chest. your eyes drift to the mirror perched at the side of the room, taking in the way his hoodie looks on your body, trying to see what you looked like in it to him. what could possibly be making him this persistent and the longer you looked, the scent of him tickling your nose with each turn of your head – his reasoning became extremely apparent. and it was much deeper than the words on your screen.
riki nishimura | 01:15
it looks good on u
the next few days felt different between the two of you. nothing had inherently changed, though. you still sat beside each other in class, still argued about assignments. still exchanged the same sarcastic remarks that had become second nature after months of being lab partners. if anything, the dynamic looked exactly the same from the outside. the problem was you and the fact that you couldn't stop noticing things now. rating everything on a yes/no scale, reading too deep into every one of your interactions, every text, every glance. it was slowly driving you insane.
because whatever research you had been doing on your relationship had shifted from just that, to you just watching him. noticing him. you first realize the shift during one of your study sessions in the library. you're halfway through reviewing practice questions, reading the questions out loud and assuming that the boy beside you was following along. when your gaze shifts to where he sits, you find riki with his sketchbook open over his textbook, pencil moving lazily across the page while he absentmindedly nodded his head to your words.
he looked like he was paying attention, taking notes even, but from a closer view you could see that was so far from the case. he was drawing, of course, and you don't miss the fact he always seemed so calm whenever he drew. you're able to peek over just enough before he's instinctively cupping his right arm around his book – the left not missing a beat. what you did see was pretty, a hand almost identical to his own holding up a shard of glass looking at the reflection. he was actively shading the eye in, but you could tell that it was meant to be him.
you spend longer than you're willing to admit watching his hands, the ease of every stroke, his confidence in every line making each one feel intentional. he switched his rings today, still silver but bulkier. a large cross rests on his middle finger, another one that looks like teeth on his thumb. there's simple bands stacked randomly on either hand and they glint with each twist of his wrists. it takes a moment for you to snap out of it, to realize that there was work that needed to be done and he was neglecting it right now.
“riki. are you even paying attention?” he nods without even looking at you, assuming that you're deep into the reading like you had been just a moment ago. he looks up when you're not saying anything else, brow raising at the annoyed expression on your features. he hadn't even truly done anything this time, but still his face is shifting into a pretty grin. “what chapter are we on?” he's asking with a tilt of his head, letting a soft laugh fall from his lips.
“you're such an idiot,” his laugh echos through the library and you hate how the sound effects you, ever since the facetime call where he was high, he's been laughing more freely around you. so much that you're able to decipher his different types of laughs and whether or not they were genuine.
the library sessions only became worse after that. most days studying no longer feeling as productive as it should. you spent more time rereading the same sentences or trying not to look at him than you did actually absorbing the information. even still, you met up. notes still spread across the tables, creating review packets only to half do them. you still met up consistently, still convinced yourself that the purpose of it was entirely academic. yet every other meeting seemed to end with less and less space between the two of you than when it first started.
there was one afternoon in particular that stuck in your mind for longer than you had intended. you had been reading through the review packet, testing him while he only half listened, his attention deep in his phone but he insisted that he was paying attention. one moment you were deep into your work and before you knew it your bare thigh rested lightly against his beneath the table. which shouldn't be that big of a deal, the two of you sat close together before – but this closeness had your heart hammering.
and every time he lifted his arm, his knuckles brushed your skin. every time he shifted closer to look at something on your screen, you felt his breath brushing against your shoulder and it made you painfully aware of how little distance separated you. and how being this close to him felt so natural that whenever he was deciding to give you some space, you were quick to close the gap once again.
riki never seemed to stop looking at you, either. his eyes shifting to your lips whenever you spoke to him and you don't miss the way they would linger. which wasn't out of the ordinary, but he was done pretending that he wasn't staring. tongue tracing his lower lip as he watches the way yours move. his fingers always seemed to ghost over your skin, whether it was your thighs, your shoulders, or your waist – it was like he was constantly fighting the urge to touch you.
he was testing your boundaries, seeing how much he could push before you were scoffing and pushing him off. but much to his surprise, you hardly ever were. no matter how much space he closed between you two, how close his fingers got to your skin, you were never backing down. in fact, it seemed like you were waiting expectantly for him to do something.
like actually. but the issue was he wasn't sure, so much of your relationship existed inside of his head he couldn't trust the way you sat too close or the subtle tone hidden within your words. he needed concrete proof before he was crossing any lines and he felt his chances were extremely low.
by the end of the week, even ordinary conversations felt different. one morning you spotted him across campus while you were walking toward the dining hall with jungwon. the two of you had been hanging out a lot more since you dominated trivia night, he was actually a lot of fun to be around. the both of you saw life the same and it was nice to talk to someone that you knew was on the same wave length as you. your books are tucked against jungwon's chest, his bag hanging off of his shoulder as you babble on about the physics lecture you just left. and then, without thinking you're lifting your hand to wave riki over.
he had been walking the other way, a hand shoved in his pocket while the other scrolled through the phone. but when his eyes are landing on you, he's changing direction instantly. he falls into step with you naturally as if he'd always been part of the conversation, hip bumping against yours at the three of you walk and you fill him in easily. at first it all seemed so normal and regular, until jungwon started explaining the upcoming project, soft launching his want to work together.
jungwon is in the middle of explaining his idea for it but you're only able to listen with half of your attention, way more focused on the way riki interjects, mostly to correct the older boy an arrogant smirk on his lips. it was like the poor guy couldn't get a sentence out without riki feeling the sudden urge to prove him wrong. to prove that he was the smartest one between you three. eventually jungwon is letting out a laugh, “dude what is your problem?” you notice the frown that immediately takes over riki's features.
“i don't have a problem,” he says but it's so obvious that he does.
jungwon isn't afraid to point it out either, “you've been arguing with everything i've said for the past ten minutes,” the accusation seemed to catch riki genuinely off guard, so annoyed by the idea of you pairing up with someone else he hadn't even realize that he was actually reacting to it. and for the first time since he walked up to you, he's falling silent with a lame shrug of his shoulders.
a few minutes later jungwon is handing you your books and waving goodbye, spotting some friends once you reach the dining hall and wanting to meet up with them instead. you wave reluctantly, watching as he turns to walk away and almost instantly riki is relaxing beside you. the tension vanished from his shoulders, his mood lifting and he was sparking conversation up with you as if he wasn't just being a dick.
at the time you didn't think too much of it. summed up his behavior with his ridiculous need to feel like he was smarter than everyone without having to try. but later that night when your mind was replaying the memory again and again, details stood out to you that hadn't before. the glare he'd send jungwon's way as he spoke, but the way his gaze would soften when he looked at you. how he seemed almost annoyed at the idea of you working together with someone that wasn't him and he looked almost ready to reject the offer before jungwon even had the chance to extend it.
he was acting extremely out of character for someone who claimed not to care about anything. even though you had waved him over, invited him into the conversation – riki still seemed strangely invested in who you spent your mornings talking to and about what. and sadly that wasn't the sort of observation you could easily forget.
unpopular opinion, you hated the weekend. they dragged for you, not really interested in partying or forced socialization. if you were doing anything it was most likely a sleepover at one of the girls' dorms where you'd binge episodes of vampire diaries. if not, you'd be holed up in your room, perfecting your essays and notes and waiting for monday to roll around again.
this weekend was different, though. clover was dragging you out of your room with the notion that you needed to photosynthesize. leaving your room had been a last minute decision, so you hadn't put much thought into what you were wearing. a short white skirt that stopped a few inches below you behind, a white tube top and riki's over sized hoodie.
choosing it had nothing to do with the fact that it still smelt like him or that it felt close enough to actually having his arms around you. those weren't deciding factors at all, it simply was the first one you could grab when you were rushing out. clover raises her brows when she sees you but doesn't say anything, it had already taken enough effort to get you outside on the weekend – she wasn't going to push her luck. the two of you make your way toward the student union for frozen yogurt, chatting happily as you bounce down the walkway arms linked together.
you're spotting him before he notices you. riki is sitting beneath a tree near the center of the courtyard, one knee drawn toward his chest, laptop resting against his lap as he types quickly – not sparing a second to look down as his fingers fly across the keyboard. students drift around him in scattered groups, but he's entirely unaware of anybody else's existence, completely locked in on whatever assignment he was trying to finish before the due date.
you break away from clover before you can even register why your body is moving, the sleeves of his hoodie falling over your hands as you cross the grass toward him. you had intended on just going over to say hi, see what he's working on before turning around to rejoin your friend. but his sketchbook catches your attention, immediately changing your plans. specifically, the fact that it's sitting unattended by his knee while he's distracted by homework.
terrible idea on his part actually. you don't even hesitate, stride picking up as you rush toward him and by the time he looks up, you've already snatched the book from the ground. wide eyes snap up at you, his laptop being ditched somewhere in the grass as he moves to stand, “yn.” he says carefully, holding his hand out like he's trying to tame you.
a sly grin spreads across your features before you're turning and running from him. the sound that leaves his lips is somewhere between a groan and a laugh. “are you fucking...” he's quick to begin chasing behind you and you're shocked to see how fast he is when you're glancing over your shoulder. “catch me!” you call, urging yourself to run faster ahead of him.
your mistake becomes apparent almost immediately. because riki was incredibly fast. much faster than you'd assume a person that couldn't give two shits about his lungs would be. you barely make it halfway across the courtyard before you hear footsteps thundering behind you. students turn their heads as you weave through them, careful not to ram into anyone. jake laughs from somewhere in the distance. you nearly knock over a freshman and just as you're turning into the garden, a hand catches your wrist.
his movements are swift, tugging your body toward him before easily backing you against the nearest tree. for a second neither of you moves, your hand clutched beneath his big palm and pinned above your head. the sketchbook is trapped awkwardly between your chest and his and you feel the way his hips shift to trap you in place. his eyes are narrowed, a mean expression on his face as he fights to catch his breath.
you can only imagine how you look to him, flushed cheeks and messy hair caught all in your lip gloss. your breath hitches as he shifts closer to you, half-hard cock grazing your thighs and your eyes go wide. riki's movements are slow, keeping a firm grip above your head as his free hand moves to cup the side of your face. he's gentle despite how irritated he looks, thumb reaching up to swipe the hair from your lips. “you done?” he asks, brows knitted in completely concentration as he watches the way your mouth moves under his thumb. unfortunately, irritation looked very good on him.
like embarrassingly good.
his thumb stays on your lip despite the fact he's already pushed all of your hair back in place, threatening to dip into your mouth. it's only then that you realize he had asked you a question. your eyes lift to look up at him, peeking at him through your lashes as your head bobs in a nod. “fine, you caught me.” your words come out muffled against his finger and his lips are stretching into the prettiest of smiles.
riki is taking another step forward, eliminating any remaining space between your bodies and pressing you firmly against the tree. you feel the rumble of his voice in your core as he speaks, “no shit,” he's saying with a laugh, grip loosening around your wrist to let your arm lamely fall at your side. he's holding his hand out in between you, brow raised and thumb still pressed to your lips.
“here,” you sigh, wiggling the book from between your bodies to hand it out to him. he takes the sketchbook immediately, tucking it beneath one arm quickly. but he doesn't move, his body remains pressed against yours, dark eyes dropping down the length of your body and for the first time he's taking in the fact that you're wearing his hoodie. his fingers glide down the length of your neck, catching the fabric of the hood before reaching lower to trace the design at the collarbones and you literally see the way his mind wanders.
his mind drifts to his countless drawings of you in this very sketchbook, his hoodie swallowing your frame while your hand reveals parts of your body to his greedy eyes. and the fact that you're standing in front of him now, wearing it has a violent heat pulsing through his veins. his jaw tightens and you watch the movement closely, the purse of his lips intriguing you. he looks especially handsome today, standing this close to him makes it very hard to ignore.
he's still breathing heavily, chest rising and falling beneath the thin black shirt and you make note to tease him about his failing lungs later. the shirt cuts off at his shoulders, arms on full display and you don't miss the way the muscles flex and jump with each movement of his hands; which are covered in his same silver rings, bracelets stacked on his wrists. a few strands of his sandy blond hair has fallen into his eyes, sticking up in every direction from having to chase after you.
you hate how standing this close forces you to notice things that you never have before, the tiny mole on his lash line, how obnoxiously high his cheekbones were, there's a pretty glow to his skin that gives away to the existence of his skincare routine, interrupted only by the light flush on his cheeks, the tip his ears an unmistakable red. you almost sum it up to the chase, until you're feeling his cock jump against your thigh.
your eyes snap up to his face, “riki...” you start but he doesn't hear you, he's too busy curling his fingers around the large zipper resting against your chest. his lip is caught between his teeth and his eyes are glued to his fingers as they slowly drag the zipper of his hoodie down. you're afraid he'd feel the pounding in your chest as his knuckles drag over it, just slightly brushing against the fabric of your shirt – right between your breasts. you're letting out a breathless sound that you don't really understand, but it has a smirk lifting the corners of his lips the dimple on his right cheek making an appearance.
“you're such a brat,” he's mumbling and you're only just now realizing how deep his voice truly is. it leaves you speechless, like literally you feel like your brain is fried. your lips part to speak but no words come out, all you can do is stare at him. and try desperately to ignore the heat that rises in your chest, the familiar throb between your legs as his hand reaches back up toward the collar of the hoodie. he's easily knocking it off of your shoulders before reaching over to do the same on the other side. the fabric pools at your elbows and he's easily sliding it off of you, tucking the garment beneath his arm with his sketchbook. “brats don't deserve expensive gifts,”
he's stepping back fully after that and despite the sun beating down on your bodies, you feel freezing. your arms fold over your chest immediately, a pout forming on your lips. “riki, i'll be cold.” he's letting out a short laugh, shoulders lifting in a lazy shrug, already taking steps backward to return to his spot under the tree before you had decided to bother him. “that's your punishment,” he says through a grin, amusement lacing his tone.
you're not sure how long you stand there watching his back after he turned to walk away, you just know it takes that long for you to regain your composure. your heart can't seem to stop pounding, blush flushing your cheeks and the back of your neck and an uncomfortable wetness between your legs. what the hell was that? when you had stolen his book, which you had no intention to go through really, you had assumed that he'd ignore you or get annoyed, demand for you to give it back.
not trap you against a tree where everyone could see and undress you. yes, he was just taking his hoodie back, but he still undressed you! “oh my god,” your hands lift to cover your cheeks, head shaking from side to side. after all the evaluating and analyzing, over analyzing. you couldn't believe you missed one possible factor. whether or not riki was in love with you aside, you forgot to account for the other potential aspect. the messier side of the hypothesis that required much more digging.
your feelings for riki.
[ i'm obsessed with these two lwk, what did you think? + if u asked to be tagged & aren't turn my notifs on! tumblr didn't let me tag a lot of u :/ ]
burn out loser: ❛you're paired with riki nishimura as your lab partner. otherwise known as the stoner freak that everyone knew to avoid. you only have one focus, well two. get an a in the class then get as far from him as possible. but now that he's met you, riki wants nothing else but you. and riki always gets what he wants. ❜
۶ৎpairing: stoner(artist)!riki x meangirl!reader
۶ৎgenre: smut. college au
۶ৎtw: smut (mdni!) hentai (description of nude drawings), masturbation (m), slight phone sex (yn has no idea it's happening), riki has a slight degradation kink, reader may or may not know her effect on riki...
۶ৎwc: 4763
riki's phone buzzed for the fourth time in ten minutes. he ignored it. not fully, eyes still flickering over the screen and reading the message you sent. each message lights the dark edges of his room from where it rested on his bed, each vibration brief and sharp against the quiet. it's insistent, but riki's attention stays lowered, fixed on the sketchbook spread across his lap.
graphite drags softly across the paper. slow, careful. the room smelled faintly like weed and pencil shavings, warm air trapped beneath the lazy spin of his ceiling fan. pieces of his school uniform scattered across the floor, sneakers lined up neatly against the wall underneath his display of hats. half-empty water bottles crowded his desk beside stacks of books and half finished drawings, and at the center of the mess was you. or at least the version of you he couldn't seem to stop drawing.
riki leaned back deeper into his mattress, one knee bent beneath his sketchbook while his pencil traced the line of your jaw with unsettling familiarity. you looked back at him from the page with your usual expression, mildly annoyed, undeniably judgmental. and pretty as hell. he took his time with shading your curls dark around the edges, careful with the shape of them. that had been the first thing he noticed about you months ago when your chemistry teacher paired the two of you together for labs.
it wasn't your body, which he noticed days later when you came to class in a pair of low tight jeans and an even tighter sweatshirt. not your legs, that was when he walked by the gym the same moment you were stretching with the other girls on the track team, the tiniest shorts barely covering your ass. it was your hair. huge curls pulled into a painfully neat ponytail while you stood beside him holding your books to your chest with this look on your face like you'd been personally offended by his existence.
“it's you and me now,” you had said flatly, setting your books down beside him. you didn't even spare a smile in his direction as you flipped through the pages in the text book. not an ounce of excitement. like being partnered with riki nishimura was equivalent to community service. he remembered staring at you for a second too long. he hated too admit that he was immediately mesmerized by the sight of you. pretty girls usually blurred together for him after a while. they were too loud, too easy, too impressed by themselves.
but you were different. controlled, yet sharp around the edges. you looked at him like you already knew exactly what kind of person he was and disapproved of it immediately. and for some reason, that got under his skin. which was weird, he was never one that cared at all what anyone thought of him. especially when that someone was as obviously stuck up as he knew you were.
the first sketch happened by accident. two weeks into being partners, you'd leaned over the lab table to snatch a beaker from his hand before he could 'contaminate something' according to you. your perfume hit him first. then your voice. then the sight of your stupid little skirt riding higher against your thighs when you pressed against him. his gaze kept shifting down to his notebook as you lectured him through the class and without even fully realizing it, he had absentmindedly sketched the outline of your side profile into the margin.
it was just your face at first. big eyes. full lips. the tiny wrinkle between your brows whenever you were irritated. after that, it got worse quickly. because the more time riki spent around you, the more he started to notice details tiny mundane details about you and he couldn't find it in himself to stop. he found himself watching you when he should be working, searching for you in the halls, sketching out the changes of every one of your expressions, ignoring the way each face of yours made his body react.
he never missed a detail when drawing you. the soft gloss on your lips. gold jewelry against your skin. he even had the designs on your acrylic nails imprinted in his mind. you've tapped them impatiently against enough counter tops while you were together for him to notice. mostly when he was ignoring you. which was often. mostly because he knew it drove you insane.
another buzz.
yn.
did u finish the prelab
riki im serious
answer me hello??
did u do it or not?????
if u don't do ur portion we're both getting docked
riki
a quiet laugh falls from his lips. there it was again. that bossy little tone. like everything you said deserved immediate attention. most people probably gave it to you too. student body president. straight a's. on the valedictorian track. teachers looked at you like you'd cure diseases someday. you had everyone eating out of your hand and riki could tell how much you loved that. which made it even more fun for him to mess with you. he was the completely opposite of you. socially. faculty spoke to riki like he was one missed assignment away from ending in school forever, when that was the furthest from the case.
he can still remember the look of surprise on your face when you saw his transcript. eyes flickering over the rankings sheet pinned outside the counselor's office after lab assignments were posted. pretty lips parted as your brows furrowed, head tilted to the side. he had drawn that face numerous times after. you were cute when you were confused. unable to figure out how the burnout with dark circles under his eyes and nicotine-stained fingers sat comfortably at number twenty-three in the senior class with a near-perfect GPA.
no effort. no participation. no studying. he just... understood things. and it irritated you. riki liked that way more than he should've. his pencil slowed over the page again. the sketch had evolved somewhere along the way. your skirt sat bunched high up over your hips, chest pressed against the cool wood of your desk, back arched slightly like you're offering your ass out to him. he'd gladly accept. riki redrew your mouth, swapping your signature frown to a cute pout. eyes basically begging for him.
you're alone in the drawing, he hasn't gained the courage to draw himself in just yet. what that would look like was locked away in his imagination and the intimacy of it still made heat settle low in his stomach. the drawing itself implied that somebody was watching, that he was there waiting. wanting. his jaw tightened slightly, because this was the part he tried not to think about too hard. what being with you would actually feel like. did your bossy entitled attitude translate into the bedroom? or would pleasure make you more docile, submissive? he was hoping for the latter. loved the idea of breaking your composure and making you crazy for him.
at first, drawing you had just been a joke to himself. a way to survive your constant nagging without snapping back. the drawings were innocent than. your scowl. your eye rolls. the really pretty dress you wore one day it was too hot out and the mean expression you paired with it. you always seemed angry with him, annoyed with everything that came out of his mouth. granted – he didn't take anything seriously while you took everything seriously.
he knew exactly how your mouth looked when you got frustrated. exactly how your lashes lowered when you concentrated. and the way your voice changed whenever he ignored you long enough to genuinely piss you off. and weirdly enough, he liked when you were angry at him. because your attention sharpened. focused entirely on him instead of the work that was in front of you. and he would never admit how much he liked to be the center of your focus.
another buzz interrupts his thoughts.
yn.
hello???
riki dragged his tongue slowly across his teeth while staring at the screen. then his gaze shifted back to his sketch. his teeth cut into his lower lip as he outlined the shape of your ass, highlighting the cute dimples he caught a glimpse of when you were bending down to search through your purse. his eyes flutter closed, pencil moving again, softer this time. more careful. imagining fully how your pussy would look. it's cute. like the rest of you of course. waxed regularly (he had seen the punch card in your wallet), tight needy hole that he was sure to make look like it was dripping. for him.
he added wet shine to your lips with the edge of his eraser. darkened the shadows between your legs, smudged graphite gently along the curve of your bare ass until it looked almost real beneath his fingertips. his stomach tightened, cock pressing against the fabric of his sweats. too real. that was the problem. because this wasn't real at all and he couldn't think of a scenario where it would be.
another text appears.
yn.
i genuinely cant tell if ur stupid or jus annoying on purpose.
a grin pulled lazily at the corner of his mouth. finally, riki is reaching with his free hand for his phone, typing back one handed.
riki
both probably.
three dots appear instantly, like you had been camping out in your messages. and he doesn't doubt that you were. you always answered quickly when you were irritated. riki stared at the screen for a second before looking back down at the sketch resting across his lap, desperately wishing it was you instead. he has no idea where his subtle amusement for you had turned into this all consuming obsession, but it had only been a few months since you were paired and now pages and pages of his sketchbooks were filled with you.
the dots disappear and reappear for at least thirty seconds before you're settling on what to say.
yn.
im calling u
riki barely has time to register the message before his phone is lighting up in his hand. your name flashing across his screen once again. and a quiet laugh falls from his lips. of course you'd call before he could respond. texting never seemed fast enough for you once he's successfully gotten under your skin. mainly because he'd go hours between responses, sometimes without even realizing it.
he let it ring twice just to be annoying before finally answering, thumb pressing lazily against the screen while his eyes scanned over the picture in his lap. he's quick to add the heart charm of your anklet before detailing your white tennis shoes. “hello?” he says, voice low and rough. he had been sitting in his room alone for god knows how long.
“are you actually stupid?” no greeting. just straight into frustration. riki can't help the smile that pushes onto his lips. your voice pours through the speaker warm and sharp at the same time, and somehow it sounded even hotter filtered through late-night static. he could hear movement on your end, drawers opening, water rushing, the faint click of acrylic nails against something hard. you were most likely getting ready for bed. probably had a ten step night time routine and everything.
“you called me just to say that?” he asks lazily.
you don't hesitate for a second. “yes,” you're scoffing. “because you're impossible to work with.” he hears the groan that you let out, imagining the roll of your eyes.
his pencil drags slowly down the page again while you speak. spreading your legs a bit wider, the wetness clear against your thighs. it looks so inviting, like you're just waiting for somebody to step between them. his grip tightens around his pencil, throat clearing as a slight flush rises on his cheeks. “you're dramatic...” he murmurs, he couldn't be further from this conversation with you right now.
“i'm dramatic!?” you repeat incredulously. “riki, the prelab was due three hours ago.” he nods despite the fact you can't see him. “mhm.”
“mhm?” your voice sharpens. “that's all you have to say?” he hums quietly, eyes tracing your pretty folds. his thumb stroking over the image and he's convinced himself it's only for shading. he wasn't at all imagining how you'd really feel beneath his fingers. moaning instead of talking his ear off. that was his biggest problem with you. you never shut up. every word out of your mouth made him more aware of you. of your lips. your eyes. your attitude. the way you got meaner the more attention you wanted. and how pathetic he was for liking how mean to him you were. “are you even listening to me?” you demanding.
“no.” he hums and his met by a stunned silence from you. a few seconds pass before you're scoffing and he can just picture the way you shake your head. “you are such an asshole,” riki lets out a laugh under his breath, leaning farther back against the wall behind his bed. his sweats had started feeling painfully tight long before he even decided to start drawing you tonight, now your voice (and insults) were making it worse. especially because he could picture exactly what you looked like right now without even trying.
probably curled up in bed by now. face glowing from all the serums and creams. hair down instead of pulled into that stupid ponytail he hated how desperately he wanted to wrap around his fist. his hand drifts absently lower against his stomach, while you hurl a string of complaints his way. it's not intentional at first, just pressure. palming at the stiffness that presses against the cotton, teeth tugging gently at his lower lip.
“you know,” you continue, clearly winding yourself up now. “normal lab partners actually communicate with each other. are you that strung out that you can't even muster a simple text?” there's bite to your tone that has riki's pulse ticking. “mhm,” he repeats, thumb tracing over the length of his cock through the fabric of his sweats.
“stop saying mhm,” you snap. he's not even listening, really. the sound falling from his lips before he can even register that you had said. “mhm,” you groan loudly and it has a smile spreading across his features. “riki.” the warning in your voice has his cock twitching. “jesus christ,” he sighs, barely loud enough for you to actually hear. his fingers curl loosely against the waistband of his sweats, slowly tugging them out of the way as his hand slips beneath them. his eyes stare at the drawing in his lap. at your mouth. your thighs. the way your pussy glistens against the page and how he'd willingly trade everything for a taste.
“you're being difficult on purpose,” you accuse after a minute, had waited for him to say more than just 'mhm' and when you realized he had no intention to, you were coming to that conclusion. riki smirks, hand running over the length of his cock slowly. “why do you say that?”
you're shocked that you got more than a two word response out of him. but it's not enough to settle the annoyance that buzzes in your chest. “i can hear your stupid smile through the phone,” that caught him off guard enough to make him laugh softly. like an actual pretty laugh that you had never heard before and hearing the reaction through the phone made you pause. unsure how he was able to make a sound like that and why it had you feeling giddy all of a sudden.
the silence shifts. you're still irritated, but there's a hint a warmth in your tone now. a bit of intrigue hidden between the line. riki swallows slowly, eyes dropping back to the sketchbook while his pencil starts to move again. the same rhythm of his hand on his cock. careful strokes as his hips tilt up to meet his fist. he darkens your lashes, adds in the delicate glint of jewelry against your throat. the page is messy with smudges and abandoned lines, but your face stays painfully detailed.
“you're weirdly quiet,” you mutter after a second. “i'm drawing,” the words slip out before he could stop them. you've seen him scribbling in his sketchbook may times before, always careful to tuck it away before you got too close. never listened when you told him you wanted to see it and ignored every one of your insults of him being an amateur. you both knew that was far from the truth. you had once saw the doodles he did in the corners of his test. a way too realistic drawing of a girl, half of her face in water – the rippled reflection showing the bottom half of a puma's head. it was really good.
“drawing what?” you try. riki's hand pauses, eyes dropping to the image in front of him as his pulse thuds once again against his ribs. the feeling of guilt lasts for a full ten seconds before he's able to brush it away, his hand dropping the pencil against the page. “...you know i won't tell you that.”
he can basically hear your pout through the phone. “you're suspicious.” he's letting out another pretty laugh that you choose to ignore. “you analyze everything way too much,” riki mumbles, the tip of his finger tracing over the line of your legs – tracing the way the bone of your ankle pokes out. “because you're suspicious,” you say with a scoff and his grin widens slightly.
“you sound crazy,” your words chase his. “and you sound guilty.” you're saying it because he does, not sure why when all you asked was what he was drawing, but there was a certain tone in his voice like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jaw.
his hand squeezes around his cock, the slow careful strokes easing some of the ache there. your voice in his ear combined with the drawing in his lap was becoming genuinely unbearable. it was almost impossible to hold himself back at this point. not like he's been trying exceptionally hard up until now. especially because you sounded so annoyed with him. so pretty. so focused entirely on him.
he's never felt this desperate in his life. this frustrated. this pathetic. god, he felt so pathetic. getting off to drawings of you and the sound of your voice without you even knowing. but he couldn't help himself, he wanted you so bad – he needed you. his cock throbs angrily in his hand, a sharp pulse running through him every time you scoffed at him or let out a pretty groan. his head tilts back, eyes fluttered closed as he pictures you above him. a leg on either side of his hips as you slowly lower yourself onto his cock.
his hand moves faster over his length, teeth sucking at his lower lip as he listens to you drone on and on about how if he spent half as much time doodling focused on your assignments, they'd be leading the class by now. one of your many lectures that he's grown accustomed to tuning out. it's all of a sudden too hot in his room, under the thin material of his t-shirt. riki's hips shift, lifting to meet the thrusts of his hand as your voice echos in his ear. his eyes flicker down to the drawing once more, the look on your face, your pretty wanting clit, how he always seemed to highlight the tightness of your pussy, imagining his cock stretching you out.
you'd milk him dry for sure. before he can fight it, a soft purr is escaping his lips and his eyes are going wide. what shocks him even more is the way your breath catches, the tiniest of gasps that has his stomach dropping. “what are you doing?” you ask softly and the question alone should be enough to get him to still his hand, but it's only moving faster. “listening to you talk,” he's grumbling the words out, hand squeezing around the tip of his cock and he has to psychically reach up to cover his mouth.
he hears the way you hum, wondering if you should push harder or go on with what you were saying. riki imagines that you're making that sound for a whole different reason. underneath him with his hand wedged between your legs as you hum and sigh needy for him. “you're unbelievable,” you're continuing on and at this point, riki is convinced you just like the sound of your own voice. “do you understand how stressful it is trying to work with someone who refuses to communicate like a normal...”
the initial reason for your call floats into his mind for a second, you were pissed that he didn't finish his part of pre-lab on time. though, that was so far from the truth. his hand slows slightly, his lips curling into his mouth as your words run together. “i finished my part, princess.” he interrupts, mouth twitching into a smile when silence falls upon you. “...what?” you don't even bother to mask your disbelief.
he's letting out a soft chuckle, sinking deeper into his bed as his hand lazily works it's way over his length. “i submitted it already,” he clarifies. “the app stops updating once the deadline passes. i turned it in exactly at nine o'clock,” not a second earlier and not a second later. you're quiet for a minute, trying to wrap your mind around what he's saying and the fact that you spent the better half of the last thirty minutes hauling insults at him that were all invalid now. you're letting out a soft exhale, relief washing over your body.
a soft satisfied 'mmh' filling his ears as the tension is drained from your body all at once. it's innocent, just you relaxing. but fuck, does the sound rattle through riki's body like no other. his grip tightens around cock, head banging against the wall as he lets out a unsteady huff. “what was that?” you ask nosily. “nothing.” his voice comes out rougher than intended, thumb rolling over the tip of his cock at the end of each stroke. he's swallowing hard, free hand reaching up to run through his hair while his focus drops back down to the drawing on his lap.
his eyes finding the last detail he had added while you had been babbling on. your fingers. long manicured nails, delicate knuckles, pretty rings glinting softly with his careful shading. he'd drawn both of your hands reaching back, pressed into the flesh of your ass – pulling softly and spreading your cheeks apart just enough. inviting his cock in to where he so desperately wanted to die. the sight makes his stomach twist, hips snapping up to meet his fist as he imagines you're saying something entirely different in his ear.
imagining what it would be like if you hadn't called him to complain about school work but because you wanted him just as badly as he wanted you. and if the sound of his voice was able to make you fall apart the same way yours was doing to him. he liked the way you insulted him, the bite in your tone whenever you told him off – but he also wanted to know what it sounded like when you were breaking, begging for more of him.
“...i thought we were going to fail. why didn't you just text me that? oh my god,” you sigh, still on about this stupid assignment. “okay. perfect, fine. thank you.” he's so close he can taste it and it takes everything in him not to give it away. “you were panicking for no reason,” he says distractedly, but you're too concerned with your own thoughts to notice. “i was panicking because you ignore more constantly!” you nag, a soft smile lifting the corner of riki's lips.
“here we go...” he mumbles, just before you're going into another rant. his words making your brows raise. “excuse me?” he's chuckling softly, hand reaching down to squeeze at his balls as his thumb traces the veins throbbing against his skin. “all you do is lecture me,” he says it like he hates it, but he really doesn't. not that you’d care either way. and he knew that, he was more focused on riling you up, earning more insults because he was so close.
“well somebody has to be responsible. you're too focused on killing every last one of your brain cells to give a damn.” this should be embarrassing for him, but he can't be bothered with the psychology behind this right now. his hand moves quickly, the rubbing sound of skin filling his room as his hips roll into his palm. “mhm,” is all he can muster. “and honestly,” you continue without missing a beat. “you should probably work on your communication skills, you're like a caveman!” you scoff at the thought and he's letting out a chuckle.
“i'm serious! if we're going to survive this semester together, you need to stop acting like a nonchalant burnout freak and start cooperating with me. i'm not going to carry your lazy loser ass through the assignments, trust me.” his vision blurs slightly as you go on, whining about your grades and expectations and how much of a failure you think he was.
your words ran together in this absentminded little stream of insults and assumptions, that would offend anybody but riki. he was too close to the edge to care. his stomach flexes, hips stuttering as heat rises up his neck. his eyes are finding his drawing once again and he could swear he can see your lips moving, coaxing him over – one eye closing to wink at him, blowing a soft kiss in his direction. “fuck,” he's mumbling, barely audible but thank god you weren't listening anyway.
he can feel the tension tightening in his core, moments from snapping and he has to bite down hard on his lip to keep the whimpers from slipping past. “now i get why everyone expects you to fail. you ignore everyone, you disappear whenever you feel like it, you come to class smelling like a skunk! and don't even get me started on your piss poor attitude,” you continue, oblivious to the pre cum that leaks from his tip, dirtying his fingers. his palm squeezes tighter around his length, biting back a gasp as pleasure vibrates through his body.
“that's great, yn.” riki interrupts suddenly, cheeks flushed and body desperate for release. you're stopping mid-sentence, brows lifted and two seconds for laying into him for interrupting you like that. his jaw flexes, needing this conversation to end immediately, needing to cum so badly that his entire body ached for it. “see you tomorrow, bye.” he says quickly, already pulling his phone from his ear he doesn't hear your protests before he's hanging up. the second the phone goes dark, he's letting out a soft whimper.
riki presses harder, not caring how loud or needy he sounds as he barrels toward the edge. “fuck, yn. just like that.” he whimpers, head tapping against the wall as his hips lift off of the mattress. it takes one last look at his drawing of you, paired with the memories of the drawings he's made before to have him falling apart. hot cum shooting from the tip of his cock and coating the palm of his hand as he whimpers into the darkness of his room.
ignoring how fucked up all of this was. and the fact that the worst part wasn't even the drawing. of how undeniably attracted he was to you. or even the fact that he had spent the last hour completely consumed by thoughts of you and would most likely be like this for the rest of the night. no. it was how his heart reacted at the sound of your voice, how your face was etched so deep into his mind it was all he could see when he closed his eyes. how he liked to call you princess, un-ironically. and how excited he was to see you tomorrow, picturing the exact expression you'd be wearing after he had hung up on you mid-rant.
he was obsessed for lack of a better word. and there was nothing he wanted to do about it.