Alright, yall, I'm partly here.
I can't remember who I was following and why, and now I'm not in a very good place. Shit's overwhelming, and I'm just trying to keep it as comfy for my old self as possible. So...
If I unfollow you, it's not personal and you can always ask me via private messages about that. If you want to continue our interractions, please tell me so.
If you're suprised who the hell is that and why am I following them, feel free to unfollow ;)
Send me a ✧ and my muse will share a fear they have regarding your muse.
Send ✦ for a fear they have that they actively lie to your muse about.
Yumiko heard voices downstairs. She heard Father Alexander Anderson talking. His usually booming voice purposefully quiet, as if the big priest was trying to seem or at least sound a little smaller, a little more… like the rest of the people. Because – and she saw it when she peeped from behind the banisters – those standing next to him were just ordinary adults.
Just the kind she didn’t like.
Thieves.
They would appear in the doorway of Ferdinand Luke orphanage, all so nice and charming, so lovely and kind. Would talk to Father. Would go around the house and premises and pretend to be genuinely interested in playing with kids… and then, if everything had gone well enough, one of theirs would disappear. Not immediately. It had always taken some time. But eventually, in a month, sometimes in two, or maybe in half a year even, but the tendency was there. They were stealing her friends.
The girl was straining to hear what Father Anderson and his visitors were talking about, but couldn’t properly make out any words.
At last the people turned away and the priest closed the door behind them, beaming with a wide smile as always. As soon as he turned his back on the door, he was almost crushed against it by a flash of long loose black hair and Yumiko’s thin arms closed around him.
“Please, please, Father, don’t give… don’tgivethemheinke…” the rest was muffled and almost undecipherable, when she buried her face in the folds of his clothes. She could hardly hold back her tears.
Anderson’s hands were always warm. And so big. One palm enough to cover the whole top of her head. He stroke her messy hair, then pushed her lightly aside and sat down on the floor before the small girl. It was a good habit of his, the one she would lately understand she had been very fond of – to keep to the eye level of his kids when talking serious business with them. His hands were still resting on Yumiko’s shoulders, warm and big, big and warm, good hands, safe hands.
“I won’t,” he said. That was it.
She didn’t know if he had really heard what she had been trying to say. She didn’t know if he knew she’d meant both Heinkel and Enrico. But his voice and the long unblinking look he was giving her had all the reassurance Yumiko needed. And she crushed him against the door again, diving into a warm fatherly embrace like a small kitten she was, crying, crying her soul out loud from relief and joy as the priest kept slowly stroking her hair, muttering: “Of course, I won’t. You belong together, kids. You belong together.”
_______________
There you go... I know it’s cheating, because it’s a flashback. But the point is? Yumi was really scared that either Heinkel, or Enrico would be adopted and she’d lose them forever.
All those people who experience massive butt-burning effects when others RP as Millenium characters and make an exception for people who choose to RP as Walter... how incredibly hypocritical are you, really? :)
The guy sold out a little kid, and let her crazy uncle try to freaking kill her because he made a deal with Major back then, during the WW2, then, in a critical moment, he betrayed his comrades and Integra. And yet it’s ok to RP as Walter because he’s sassy and not okay to RP as any Millenium character, yeah? Wow. So righteous. Much sense. Walter C. Dornez was a traitor, an accomplice, a piece of shit who was ready to sacrifice anyone for his selfish reasons, the guy literally FOUGHT for nazis - and yet no one is here to call people who choose him as their RP-person bastards and so on.
No one should get bullied. You attack not the fictional characters, you attack real people who get really upset. You are fucking cowards who prefer to send anon hate and start a fucking crusade in tags. Start with yourself and your holier-than-you attitude. Start with thinking that maybe mass-killer Alucard who tortured innocent people and didn’t give a tiny rat’s ass for a life of a human - is a character who you shouldn’t RP, huh? Or the killers that are Iscariots? Catholics? Or even Pip Bernadotte, who got paid for killing people, ANY people? No? Too hard to argue with that, right?
If you are so unbelievably stupid that you actually think that whitewashing nazis and RP-ing as a fictional character represented in Hellsing as a Nazi for historical accuracy reasons is the same thing, I suggest doing that: go fuck yourself. I’m done being nice and trying to politely explain where the fuck you are wrong.
This post isn’t directed to one single person and if you are reading this and thinking “omg this is a personal attack on me” - don’t flatter yourself, because it is not a personal attack on someone. If I have a problem with a person, I will go to the person’s messages and tell my problem, no anon needed. This post appeared because of a group of hypocritical people who keep starting the wars in Hellsing fandom again and again and again, and I’m sick of that. Wanna get offended? Go and get offended with the lack of education you received, morons. Stop pursuing people who play the characters they like.
And if you have so much free time to take part in this fucking war on tumblr... then you have the time to go out and find a job.
what do you think of the Nazi apologia discourse going on right now? I've seen people talk about it but not actually call any nazi apologist out with screenshots or links to such things happening. One of the bloggers actually tried to point this out but received some hate over it and I'm not really wanting to get too caught up in it but what do you think about this?
I think I vaguely saw one post about it, but I try to keep out of discourses ....
Who was the blog? I am sorry they received hate for it - and honestly I will expect that the same happening, but please, dear followers, hear me out.
I too never saw anybody seriously apologising any Nazis and neither screenshots of those things happening, so I do wonder if people are just attacking people who like or roleplay the Millenium characters.
As somebody who often likes a lot of morally grey or even evil characters, I can differentiate between liking them - because they are interestingly written - and actually approving of their actions if they would happen in real life.
I mean, you can say that Millenium also had the most diverse cast, let women join the army (in case you didn’t know: Actual Nazis never would have allowed that to happen! Women were for birth and birth only!) and seemed to nourish respect and even idolised their opponents that were foreigners.
They were founded by the actions of the National Socialism - we remember the teeth and the money - but don't seem to be too much into their ideology. I suppose the only one beings were the "old men" you see in the manga. At least from what I remember.
Doesn't make them good people by all means! If they were real... well you know.
Personally I find the Major interesting... I think, I like his manner of speaking and that he seems to enjoy the simple things in life (good food, theatre....) and he is very confident in himself, not minding his weight at all and even able to laugh about it. I mean he is not my favourite character or anything, but I found those interesting traits.
But as an actual German person, who actually came in touch with the German history (unless some in the Hellsing fandom, who pretend to be anti-nazi and then make "gas the Jew jokes" (yes... they exist.... stay away from their discord please....)), I would never, ever, in my whole life approve of anything that came out of the Third Reich. I saw what happened, I studied the history and you can still feel it here today.
I hate to say it but Americans - who often seem to dominate online spaces, or are at least the most vocal - are and were pretty distanced from the actions, don't truly understand what happened and how many people were hurt.... save to say that the allies could have intervene much earlier. For years they had the knowledge of what happened in the KZs and didn't act - yes, it was a lie that they only figured out when they freed the KZs.
Still they pretend like they know the most and have the right to tell people how to feel about fictional things.
Probably I’m too old for this but in my youth it was nothing terrible to say “well actually the villain is the most interesting character in this series” and today people will stone you alive if you do. When and why did that happen?
But for me it is one thing if I say: The Dok seems to be an interesting character and actually interested that is research intends to help all of mankind, or he is totally right, let's bring human experiments back, we should do that in real life, Josef Mengele style.
I dunno.... suppose I made it quite clear that I don't think that if you like something in fiction means that you condone it in real life. Some people seem to think so, but I never actually met anybody who was influenced by it.
(Damn, enough people I know love fictional killers and are the most chill, pacifistic and nice people that exist.)
I mean, Jesus, if we want to go there, we must stop all the Hellsing fans. Liking Alucard? Jesus, he likes the smell of burning babies. Liking the Hellsing organisation? Never! Van Helsing made terrible experiments on a sentient being.
So as long as nobody actually sits there and tells me:
All the (real life) Nazis were right all along, Hitler should have won, KZs were a great idea, kill all Jews and PoC, the Holocaust was great and so on and so forth, I would not call them a "Nazi apologist".
If I saw such a person, I would block them right away. I don't want to engage with any actual Nazi apologists.
If I see however blogs that just roleplay as the Major, Doc or Rip.... you do you. I never understood the Rip hype, I will admit and therefore wouldn't follow the blog, but the person running it does not have to be a Nazi apologist, just because they like Rip for some reason.
If truly see screenshots like I took once of a person defending Nazis, I do will call them Nazi apologist, like I did back then. Such people might exist. They do exist. I saw them.
But not everyone who likes Hellsing, Millenium, or even the Major is a Nazi apologist, in my opinion.
Maybe, maybe there are people who like the Major and actually are Nazi apologist. Such a person might exist. If they do: Screw them, really, I don't want you in this fandom.
But I need actually proof and not "oh they like Rip, so they must be a Nazi".
If you give me actual proof, showing me how one actually defends (historical) Nazis, yes... I will agree that they are a terrible person for doing that and that they should not engage with the fandom.
A car-bed! What a perfect opportunity to tell your kid “be prepared to get the fuck out of my house!” Or another one with a mini-office below! Get ready to work the whole time and sleep exactly at the place you work!
the last one looks like a box. The only thing you’ll be able to afford to rent.
Heinkel’s fingers almost disappeared in the darkness of her silky hair, clenching, not letting her go.
“Fucking monster”
The pale skin of this abomination reminded Heinkel of porcelain dolls. Or the figurines some old lady would collect. But that pale skin was covered with freckles on those pitiful excuses for breasts she had. It had.
The crucial thing was to keep in mind: this pitiful creature wasn’t a she. It. Always like that.
“You make me sick. You chose to be like that, you chose to become a disgusting, degrading mockery of God’s creation and now you want what? Mercy?”
“Hungrig…“, not even a whisper but a ghost of it. Her lips were pale and moving, pronouncing that “hungrig” word. And Heinkel knew what that meant.
Fuck. Its lips. ITS.
“You are a FREAK”
That hurt. Heinkel knew the pain – it was the same for people and monsters – and this girl’s eyes were full of it. They should have been red. Or maroon. Or crimson... they were blue, insanely, exquisitely blue, and filled with moisture that hasn’t yet become tears.
Evil was cunning. It hid in this girl who wasn’t a girl. How many years older than Heinkel? It would be so easy to believe that this creature was innocent... because evil was beautiful. And evil had sharp teeth.
Hungring. Rip van Winkle didn’t want mercy. She wanted nourishment.
“Rest in Peace van Winkle,” that was meant to humiliate the trembling creature in her arms but seemed to humiliate Heinkel herself more.
Deep blue. Like the ocean. And the ocean has no memory.
Heinkel just crashed into her lips and Rip opened her mouth with such obedience that it made every cell of Heinkel’s body shriek with disgust, and pain, and sorrow... and when the tongue slid inside, oh, there were teeth...
There are so many blood vessels in a tongue. Its teeth were so sharp.
Rip froze in something that could have been either fear or anticipation... and then she sucked.
"But you knew, I'd be in your inbox, sweetie: I want the K"
Random number generator gave me 17 goofy kiss
The funfair was a mess. The tents covered in lights and prizes one might win, the mixture of smells: popcorn, cotton candy, sweat, and perfume with an undertone of vomit; the music – everywhere. And people. They were also everywhere, excited and laughing, smiling faces shining teeth at them.
Yumiko seemed to like all of that and everything around them, and Heinkel couldn’t but be carried away with the enthusiasm her partner radiated.
And then there was a photo booth.
“Let’s go, please, let’s go!”
Heinkel agreed and they dived inside. There was a mirror with all those lamps on the sides. Yumiko immediately checked her looks, adjusting her hair and Heinkel took off her glasses. The world dimmed a little.
Maybe that was the reason.
She decided to kiss Yumi and get a photo, and Yumi decided to hug her. So the first one was Yumi’s head bumping on her chin. Not too painful but not very reassuring. They chuckled and tried again. Without her glasses, she lacked the focus needed and the kiss landed on the nose. Yumiko’s glasses almost slipped.
“Wow, we are so good at this,” smirked Heinkel. They had two more attempts to go.
So she took Yumiko’s face in her hand brushing the tender skin of her cheeks with her thumbs and leaned towards her.
“Eskimo kiss?, suddenly whispered Yumiko.
“Nope”
The fourth kiss was a goofy smooch, loud and funny.
Heinkel wanted to lit a cigarette but decided against it.
Yumiko never enjoyed the idea of being a second-hand smoker, and in a closed space of their car, it would be simply mean to make her breathe in the essence of somebody’s unhealthy habit.
The radio was misbehaving. Either the signal was bad, or the radio was too old, but the music and news podcasts were more often than not interrupted by a random screech of static in which few voices babbled like distant ghosts.
“Maxwell said that it wasn’t a ghost.”, she thought and sighed. Damn it, she still wanted to smoke!
The road was leading them further away from cities and towns, and now only villages surrounded either by fields or by the trees that would probably look really well in spring were on their way.
“So, I was thinking… I don’t exactly believe in that… creature. Poltergeist was it, huh?”, Heinkel glanced into the rearview window. “Do you think it’s just some kids messing around with their parents? The priest there is around sixty. It’s like a hundred but minus forty. I say that’s bullshit if you ask me.”
“Oh, come on, sweetie, we weren’t that bad…”, Heinkel paused reliving all those times when Anderson’s face turned red with embarrassment or pale with fear for their wellbeing. All those sneaking outside the orphanage at night… fights they got into. All the sins they later confessed… or didn’t. Heinkel did truly believe in God and Jesus Christ. But did that have to do with confessing to stealing sweets to share with Yumiko or kissing Yumie in the darkness of the night?
“Alright. I got your point. But still, there is a difference. You don’t lie about a demon or a freaking poltergeist… If we find out that it was nothing but a prank, I swear, I will spank someone’s ass red! And not the way you like it, Yumie.”
She burst into laughter and speeded along the road. They were almost there.
“Oh, what is it? H is for Holy Heinkel?” Yumie smirked. “But, of course, you can lie just about anything! There is nothing wrong with lying about a ghost, except for it’s a sin, but even that can be worked around, can it not?”
She shrugged and retreated back into silently watching the road. The scenery as you went further and further into the land felt all the more like a scene from the horror movie. Or maybe that was just the tint coating on the car windows and an occasional droplet of spring rain.
“Look, why don’t we turn it off,” the nun reached out to the radio switcher, “it’s giving me shivers how it screeches and cackles sometimes. Let’s listen to…”
She got to digging in the glove box and fished out a cassette. “What’s that? Should we give it a go?”
Heinkel smirked. Sins and working around them... Maxwell was really good with that. Who could have imagined back then that it wasn’t just big talk? That the little brat she used to tease would become her boss? Their boss?
“Alright, it’s getting on my nerves as well,” Heinkel nodded. “I don’t know... Alex gave it to me just before we were about to leave and said that this would make our trip much more pleasant...”
She reached and took the cassette out of Yumie’s fingers, gently brushing them as she did, and jammed the cassette into the radio. At first, there was nothing.
“Maybe it’s not wor...” she was almost deafened by the choir.
A sov'reign Protector I have! Unseen, yet forever at hand!
“OH CRAP!”, Heinkel jerked the car’s wheel and almost sent them flying on the slope of the road. Luckily enough, theirs was the only car on the road, and for a moment Heinkel felt a twinge of anxiety. They have been going for several hours already and haven’t seen a single car going in their direction. “MORE PLEASANT MY ASS!”
Heinkel wanted to lit a cigarette but decided against it.
Yumiko never enjoyed the idea of being a second-hand smoker, and in a closed space of their car, it would be simply mean to make her breathe in the essence of somebody’s unhealthy habit.
The radio was misbehaving. Either the signal was bad, or the radio was too old, but the music and news podcasts were more often than not interrupted by a random screech of static in which few voices babbled like distant ghosts.
“Maxwell said that it wasn’t a ghost.”, she thought and sighed. Damn it, she still wanted to smoke!
The road was leading them further away from cities and towns, and now only villages surrounded either by fields or by the trees that would probably look really well in spring were on their way.
“So, I was thinking… I don’t exactly believe in that… creature. Poltergeist was it, huh?”, Heinkel glanced into the rearview window. “Do you think it’s just some kids messing around with their parents? The priest there is around sixty. It’s like a hundred but minus forty. I say that’s bullshit if you ask me.”
Yumie hummed. If she were asked, she would describe herself as quite adaptable. And even having said that, she remembered well how it had still taken a good while to get used to the fact that there was more to life than… life, actually. The Bible teachings hadn’t prepared them for everything.
“I guess, if we have accepted the existence of vampires, or ghouls, for that matter,” the nun shrugged. “We can allow for… poltergeists?”
Only the former were easier to believe in - they were at least, what? Physical? Palpable? And totally cut-able. It’s easy to believe in the existence of something, while hacking away its limbs. Ghosts, poltergeists, demons, on the other side… were still something yet to witness.
“But yeah, kids nowadays… I would check your theory first. I mean, you do remember, how bad we were as kids.”
“Oh, come on, sweetie, we weren’t that bad...”, Heinkel paused reliving all those times when Anderson’s face turned red with embarrassment or pale with fear for their wellbeing. All those sneaking outside the orphanage at night... fights they got into. All the sins they later confessed... or didn’t. Heinkel did truly believe in God and Jesus Christ. But did that have to do with confessing to stealing sweets to share with Yumiko or kissing Yumie in the darkness of the night?
“Alright. I got your point. But still, there is a difference. You don’t lie about a demon or a freaking poltergeist... If we find out that it was nothing but a prank, I swear, I will spank someone’s ass red! And not the way you like it, Yumie.”
She burst into laughter and speeded along the road. They were almost there.
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