Heller Side Blog

YES my real name is Lisa. And YES I am a destiel truther (main blog @mossochist)

[hellerlisa-archive]

OKAY ALL: just FYI i'm beginning the process of moving all my side blogs to one main blog. The URL for that blog will be @coldgin-mp3 , and ill be combining my Doctor Who, Supernatural, and Our Flag Means Death side blogs to a new main blog

[stackedstiel]

14x15 "Peace of Mind" - March 14, 2019

[aidaughter]

my mutuals are the intellectual elite of this website and they deserve better than having their posts appropriated by some mcyt fan

[bieyes]

[bieyes]

[sheepstiel]

dean would have loved cas in any vessel truthing

[castiellesbian]

Loving Day by Mat Johnson

[castiellesbian]

[hellygf]

NFT? What’s that? Not Fucking Tuesday (Again)?

[hellygf]

[hozier-mp3]

Happiness isn’t in the having but godamn. He should have gotten to have it.

[cuntisthereason]

[donniefinnerman]

[donniefinnerman]

[emeraldcas]

alright let's hear it, where in the show would you put the deancas kiss?? for me it's when they're reunited in purgatory "there's something i need to say" & words aren't enough so he kisses him and for the first time in a long time everything feels right <3

[deanskitchen]

i'm literally going to bite someone like dean didn't look away. he stood there and let cas tell him what a good loving man he is and he didn't interrupt and he didn't look away and he LISTENED and REMEMBERED and let those words change his view of himself all while being scared out of his fucking mind he didn't. look. away.

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

BABPod S1 Recap: Crystal’s SPN S1 Fic Recs

check the tags and warnings on all of these!

Preseries

“Contagious” by Dira Sudis (G, 2k)- Sam is sick, so is Dean

“surely i was sinful from birth” by pippuri (G, 2k)- Sam, childhood, and demonhood

“Lacuna” by innie (M, 13k)- Deancassie backstory

“the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)” by hellsreluctantheir (M, 18k)- Stanford-era Sambrady and then some

S1 Rewrites

“bad moon rising” by gone_girl (not rated, 88k)- Arab Sam and Dean, brotherhood and monsterhood

“black sheep (they got me vilified)” by phifer (M, 8k, wip)- “Mary Winchester is black. This changes everything and also nothing at all.”

Canon Compliant(?)

“Faith Undone” by iamfoxfire (E, 9k)- “gay sex is holy,” Anna Milton/Layla Rourke

“Waiting for the fever to break” by bigender dean winchester (G, 3k)- siblings and comfort after “Pilot”

“keloids/open wounds” by lonelyghosts (T, 2k)- Dean and Sam reflect on John’s abuse

[goatiel-deactivated20221106]

you know what? he loved that old man

[goatiel-deactivated20221106]

and the old man loved him back

[and-stir-the-stars-deactivated2]

no but. you're an angel and the family you surround yourself with isn't capable of interacting with your true body; the only way they can show you any affection is by interacting with the body you stole and never really fit into and use for the purpose of gaining your new family's approval, and because this new body is one of your only ways of showing your new family that you love them. You spend years like this; your real body is locked away, sore and aching with disuse, and you have to act and look and feel human in order to be loved. You get used to that-- it's just how things work, of course the real you doesn't get to be loved. Then you get to be touched for the first time in years, and it feels so good that it hurts and you want it to stop, you want more, you don't know anymore; your body is feeling so much at once after so long of sensory deprivation that your brain can't think. It feels good and you feel so guilty about it that it loops back into pain again, because the touch isn't a gentle one: its claws raking across your true form, knives digging into your skin, tearing the feathers from you and splintering bones, and you think "of course. this is the only way my true form could be touched, is if it hurts. and of course I'm so pathetic that I want it anyway."