I found freedom in pain, and connection, and pleasure, not just my own, but in seeing it in the face of others, and not just the ones I interacted with, but watching the room and seeing the people unafraid to be themselves. To learn, and grow, and explore in things that would seemingly in the "normal" would be considered taboo. Being beaten in public, painting across bare skin, having someone loudly being called a slut to an entire room, people acting like dogs, going in cages, it didn't matter what it was. All that mattered was that you could see the happiness in their pleasure, in their release, in their faces, and their interactions, in the energy building in the room.
It feels free to just be myself, without fear of judgment, or criticism, or someone telling me that what I like, what feels good, is wrong, or that I should or shouldn't behave a certain way. To not have someone telling me that they can't accept me for who I am, for what I am, for what I like, for the little fibers deep inside me that build together to create the human that I choose to be.
I am not a flat surface, but a multidimensional interface that changes and evolves; that grows with each new facet that I uncover, and I'm proud of my evolution. Of my change, and my growth, and last night so many of my sides were pleased. I got to be a Domme, I got to be a rigger, I got to be a toy, I got to be beat and used, and then I got to be shocked, and loved, and caressed. I also got to educate, and teach, and help other people love and embrace themselves. I got to see the joy in my friend's face when he finally felt like he'd arrived in the kink scene because he got to do the things he's wanted to do in a consensual, and loving, and energized, and connected way. This is what I came for. Not the peer pressure, not the labels, not the reputation, not the egos, not the people who want to tell you how you're "supposed" to do things, or why you're supposed to do things, or that there's only one way, or that their way is better than your way, or that they know what they're doing and you don't. Not the violated consent for people who should know better, who do know better and choose to do it anyway.
I had some bad experiences when I joined the kink scene at first; so much so that I had a friend tell me that he was surprised I stuck around after having so many horrible men hurt me. But I knew that my truth, and my joy, and my happiness was out there because I saw it and I felt in little fleeting moments, but now I know to protect myself. Now I tell other people to protect themselves. I explain to them the importance of consent, and negotiation, and ensuring that you're playing with someone who you can actually trust. That you know how to communicate with them, that you don't let yourself fall into the sub headspace and simply appease your top and do what they want just because that's what feels right and natural, because your input matters. Your consent matters. Your feelings matter and if afterwards you don't feel right about a scene, you need to evaluate that and you need to stand up for yourself, and you don't have to play with somebody again, and you don't have to give anyone justification. You owe donât owe anyone anything. Stand by your friends, the people who will stand beside you when you tell them that this person that you trusted completely shattered that trust and violated your consent. Stay with the people who will love and embrace you.
I want you to grow, but in a safe way and not just a way that pleases others, or just yourself. It's about you AND what your partner wants. None of this is just a one-way, or even two, or three way street. I learned that last night even more with group consent, but everyone has to be a part of it. EVERYONE has to be connected, and communicating, and in alignment with each other for it to be okay and yes it might sound insane that five people beat a girl and made her cry, but she loved it, and she felt loved, and accepted, and we all joined in joy to experience that and to do that for her. When all of us were cuddled on the couch afterwards together, embracing one another, checking in, talking, communicating, that is what this is. It's about the love, and connection, and the energy. That's what I seek. That's what I look for. People who I connect with. That's what it's about for me. Not the sex, not the exhibitionism, but yes I found a connection in that too. In watching other people watch me, and looking at them, and shooting them little smirks, and knowing that they were enjoying watching me, and then seeing them come up afterwards and ask us questions about the scene and being able to tell them why I like it and all about it and how it works. This is what I look for. This is what I crave. Thank you to everyone who makes it possible.
izzy806
vaporwave
snowghoul
germansingergirl
