Hello Kitty Chronicles

Hi. I'm Hello Kitty. If you don't know who I am, then you must be living under a rock that's located 20 feet underneath the Earth's mantle because I've been the most famous creature on the face of this planet since 1974, bitches. I started this blog because I've been silent for so long, mainly because I don't have a mouth. But it's time I spoke up. Here's the world through my eyes... Enjoy! Smooches!

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9 LIVES ARE BETTER THAN 1 SUCKAS!!!

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These two just returned from saving ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I don't get paid for you idiots to plaster my face on the most hideous wasted use of spandex in the history of the planet earth. 

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Regular handcuffs = the worst night of your life Hello Kitty handcuffs = the best night of your life ;) ;) ;) ;)

KITTIES DO IT BEST, BITCHES.

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If I see my face on one more man's ASS OR JUNK, I'm gonna start filing for sexual assault!!! TAKE MY FACE OFF YOUR PACKAGE, MEN, OR ELSE!!!!

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Uuuhhhhh I'm pretty sure "YOU" does not indicate time, idiots.  Which one of you morons do I need to fire?!?!?!!!

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FOOD COMA

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Another case of bitches tryna steal my swag

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This is the wench my ex-boyfriend is currently dating... One word: DOWNGRADE!!

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My management team is recalling all Hello Kitty scales. We made an error when we produced these... anything over 200 pounds is supposed to say "FATASS".

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Uhhhh I actually don't apple nerds. I hate them.

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Don't mess with me, bitches. I go hard. 

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I hope this was not meant to honor me, because it looks like she got into a fist fight with Candyland... and lost.

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If you see this impostor, DO NOT BE FOOLED. Bitches always tryna be me!!!