my nervous system is so tired

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@hellosafia
my nervous system is so tired
لن يشفيك الهرب، كل الشفاء بالمواجهة
Escaping won't heal you, all healing comes from confrontation.
She laughs with her soul and loves deeply with her heart.
My health grief comes in waves, one minute I could be fine and the next I’m realizing how much I can’t do anymore and how much my life has changed. It may be in the little things, like realizing I can’t do anything for very long without symptoms popping up, or realizing that a new symptom has gone unnoticed. Sometimes it’s bigger things, like quitting a job or school, realizing I can’t take showers standing up, or that some of my hobbies have been abandoned due to how much energy they take up. I grieve at these things, sometimes I’ll crack under it all, even if it may seem small to outsiders, something as little as someone making an ignorant comment can set it off. I feel tired and sad and just utter devastation that my life has changed irreparably.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
― Jamie Anderson
رَبِّ ٱبْنِ لِى عِندَكَ بَيْتًۭا فِى ٱلْجَنَّةِ
"My Lord! Build me a house in Paradise near You."
Do you really want it?
Do you wake up in the middle of the night, asking your Lord for it? Have you given up sins for it? Have you sought the hours when du’as are accepted for it?
Or do you just say you want it, make a lazy du’a once in a while, and continue in your old ways, hoping that your du’a will get accepted this way?
Again, do you really want it?
"O Allah, let the best of my lifetime be its ending, and my best deed be that which I seal (my life with), and the best of my days the Day I meet You."
من المروءة التغافل عن عثرات الناس، وإشعارهم أنك لا تعلم لأحد منهم عثرة.
Part of nobility is overlooking people’s faults and making them feel as if you are unaware of any of their missteps.
ابن القيم | مدارج السالكين ط: عطاءات العلم (١٠٦/٣)
Heal Yo Soul