the land has always been something you desperately wished you could walk on. be like the humans and walk among them. one dark and stormy night, you are granted your wish—but, it comes with a deadly price. and you only have one month to decide if you’re willing to pay it.
( 𝓷 )。 the rework for the lighthouse is finally here aaaa!!! i hope that you love this story as much as i do ♡♡♡ hehe~~ i still very vividly remember going into a deep dive about lighthouses and lighthouse keepers and watching a four hour documentary about them lmao… i hope you all enjoy all of the new scenes and such!! ♡
You knew that traveling to the surface was forbidden, but you couldn’t help the way that it called to you deep in the depths of the sea. Like a moth to a flame, you swam and swam until you could feel the bright sun on your wet skin. Until you could hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the nearby rocks and the distant chatter of the village nearby.
It filled you with such profound longing and want that the only thing that helped ease the feeling was to watch the way the landwalkers went about their days. You watched as giggling landwalking guppies darted from place to place and under their parent’s legs. As people shouted to passersby about the wares they were selling and people walking arm in arm.
You made sure you were always carefully hidden behind some rocks so that you weren’t seen and that your dark blue shifting tail blended nicely with the water. Still, you watched and watched for what seemed like hours.
You wondered what it felt like to be able to walk on land, to feel the rocky surface beneath your feet. Does it hurt? How does one stay upright? Is land walking to the landwalkers the same as swimming to the merfolk? These were all questions you desperately wanted to know the answers to.
Swimming away from the village’s edge, you waded through the fog along the ocean’s surface. You were just about to dive when a flickering light in the distance caught your eye. Cautiously, you decided to see what it was.
Landwalker’s buildings were already tall as it is, but this one was completely different. It pierced through the sky with a beacon of light shining from the top—almost like a second sun being held up. Your eyes widened as you drew closer, ducking behind some rocks as you surveyed the area.
It was on a small island of its own, not too far away from the island the village sat on, but far enough that you’d have to swim for a short while to get from island to island. The building was white and a deep red color like coral on the seafloor. You stared in amazement at it, climbing up onto the rock to get a better look. A tiny building was attached to the bottom of it that looked like it had seen much better days. It was beautiful, you’ve never seen anything quite like it.
Movement in your peripheral had your head snapping in its direction. The door of the small attached building swung open and a man carrying a box stepped out of it, the hat he was wearing nearly slipping off of his head and exposing his dark locks of hair blowing in the crisp wind. You ducked down on the rock a little, making sure that you were covered by the fog. He sat the box down near the entrance of the building just as a loud sound had you jumping out of your scales.
It was a deep, almost guttural sound. You tried to look for the source of it and saw that it came from the large horn near the small building. Birds flew from their perches to a quieter place and you slid off the rock, drawing nearer to the shore.
Your father’s warnings rang deep inside you, yet you tried to push his words down. Don’t go near the surface, my child. The dangerous landwalkers will lure you in and capture you so that you are never seen ever again. They cannot be trusted. They will bottle your song and use it for their wrongdoings.
You hid behind some more rocks and watched him work. He kept disappearing into the small building and if you looked up, you could almost see him between the flickering light. If he wasn’t inside, he was out tidying the area around where he worked—stacking and fixing various things. Occasionally, he would also look out to the sea, seemingly monitoring the waves and the fog before scribbling something down in what you think was called a book. When he did, you sunk down into the water until only your eyes and the top of your head was above the surface.
What interested you the most was how the man seemed to be alone. Why was he so far away from the rest of the landwalkers? What made him different? What was this building that he was working on? You had so many questions and so little answers—and nobody to ask.
You couldn’t tell any of your people that you watched the landwalkers daily. You would get into an enormous amount of trouble and would never be able to see the surface again. You didn’t want that to happen, and you couldn’t bear the thought of it. Especially with your newfound fixation on the lonely landwalker.
Instead, day after day, you watched the man work—no longer so curious about the ventures of the village landwalkers. The more you watched him work, muscles straining against his rolled up sleeves and brows furrowed, the more you noticed him. He was very handsome in a landwalker sort of way, the most beautiful out of them you’ve seen thus far. You wondered if he had a life outside of this building on the shore. Perhaps it was back in the small house a short walk away from the shore? Was his whole life on this tiny island?
You suppose you wouldn’t mind a life of solitude if you were him. Busy life in the village seemed to be overwhelming after a while. Maybe he thought the same way you did.
Dusk fell and a cold breeze swept up the shore from the waters. You had spent the whole day again watching the man work at what you now knew was called a lighthouse. He was wiping the attached building of the lighthouse down after the recent rainstorm, frustratingly muttering under his breath.
You noticed that he didn’t talk much, only a simple, quiet word here or there. At first, you thought he couldn’t speak at all, until now.
“Shit!” he hissed as he threw the rag down onto the ground. The paint was starting to peel off of the siding on the building from the harsh winds and water. “Now I’m gonna have to paint this whole building again.”
You giggled at his reaction. Your giggle must’ve been too loud because his head snapped in your direction and you quickly sunk down behind the rocks. This was dangerous, you knew that, and it already seemed that you were getting too comfortable being out in the open. Yet, you giggled to yourself more, more quietly this time as bubbles rippled up from the water. The man’s brows furrowed but he just shook his head a little. You slowly rose to the surface just as he spoke again. “Come on, Sunghoon. Don’t start losing it now,” he murmured.
Sunghoon, that was his name. You tried his name on your tongue. “Sung… hoon…” you spoke softly before smiling. “Pretty.”
The light at the top of the lighthouse burned brightly against the darkening sky, signaling that it was past the time for you to start swimming home. You turned and began swimming away from the shore, starting your journey.
Something sat heavily in the pit of your stomach and it was beginning to weigh you down. It was that same longing and want, this time more pronounced and refusing to be swallowed and digested. You stopped swimming and stared up at the bright, almost full moon in the sky.
You would give anything to walk on land, to experience life as a landwalker does and be on land. You didn’t want to be confined to the sea anymore. You didn’t want to have a tail anymore—you wanted legs. You wanted to be a landwalker, not a mermaid.
Your heart racing, an old story your father once told you interrupted your thoughts. The story of a young mermaid trading her tail for landwalker’s legs.
It was supposed to be a cautionary tale, one to ward off small merfolk from intermingling with the landwalkers, but to you, it was an answer. One you were desperate for. The tale talked about how the mermaid visited a sea witch deep down in a cave at the bottom of the ocean and begged her to change her tail for legs.
The witch and her struck a deal: the mermaid was to sacrifice four of her pearlescent scales in exchange for a week on land. During said week, the mermaid had to find the witch various hard-to-find ingredients and bring it back to her by the end of it. If she didn’t fulfill her end of the deal after the week was up, her tail would come back and she would never be able to have legs again. Only, swimming would not be as easy or as painless as it once was.
You made your decision. You were going to find the sea witch and strike a deal with her the same way the mermaid from the story did. What were a few scales and ingredients when you could finally walk on land? Finally have your dreams become reality?
Your next course of action was to find out information on where the sea witch’s cave could be.
Instead of spending your time up at the surface, you instead kept beneath the water. You asked your family and Elders about the sea witch in subtle ways, blaming your questions on your curiosity and love of storytelling. As days passed, the information you were provided pushed you more and more into the direction you were hoping for.
You had first gone to one of your Elders, a sweet and wondering smile spread across your face. You had asked her about the sea witch and her cave and about the mermaid who made a deal with her, trying to see if there was anything else to the story.
“Why do you ask?” your Elder asked, her red hair rippling in the water. Her voice was gentle, but cautious. Her gaze flicked over to you when you asked and you saw her eyes widen the slightest bit. You honeyed your smile.
“Well, its just so many little guppies take their curiosity too far, you know? Remember that little girl in the square?” You trailed off a little for good measure, sighing softly and looking off to one of the arches. You saw merfolk swim by as they looked for the book they came to the library for. “I don’t want them to accidentally stumble upon it if the cave is close. Accidentally make a deal that they shouldn’t.”
You heard her sigh and looked back to her. She set the book she was putting away back on the stack of other unorganized books. “I suppose I’ve never thought of that before… But, there’s no need to worry. The cave is quite far away—all the way near the old shipwreck. It’s deep enough that it should be hidden and someone shouldn’t find it accidentally.”
Breathing out a faux sigh of relief, you let your body dramatically relax. She smiled at you, “Thank you for looking out for the little ones. You’d make a good addition to the council one day.”
Smiling back at her, you said nothing, but nodded. That didn’t matter. Your time in the water was limited. You gave her a flutter before showing yourself out.
The next person you had gone to was your father. It was perhaps a mistake to ask him questions about the sea witch, but if you asked another Elder, they would start to get suspicious. You had no choice but to ask your father.
He furrowed his brows at you, twisting the black pearl weaved in his hair between two fingers, as he assessed your question. He was quiet for a long while, and the more time that spanned on, the more nervous you felt. Finally, he responded, “Why do you want to know, my child?”
“Well… The sea witch cannot trick any more people into deals if the witch’s torch is not lit, right? Have you and the council ever thought of just… taking it? At least so then no more merfolk could make deals?” You nervously gulped.
Your father hummed and looked away from you, deep in thought. “That would be most helpful but unfortunately the witch’s torch cannot be unlit. It’s part of the sea witch’s magic.”
Now you are getting somewhere. Foolishly, you let your curiosity get ahead of you and the next word spilled out of your mouth before you could stop it. “Why?”
Like a hammer, your father’s gaze settled on you. He swam from his seat and came to float in front of you.
“Why don’t you go get some fresh lotus for your Mother?”
It wasn’t a question, but a demand. You cast your eyes to the floor and nodded after a moment before leaving the room.
You were doing just that, collecting lotus roots, when you felt someone swim up next to you. When you looked at them, you noticed that it was someone you didn’t recognize. They didn’t say anything, and you stopped what you were doing to see what they wanted.
They were wearing a large sewn cloak of seaweed that covered their face, but you could still see their bright, shifting orange scales. Something about their tail looked off. There were patches that were smoother than others and completely rid of scales. It almost looked… sickly.
“I hear you’re asking around about the sea witch,” they said in a hushed voice.
You held the lotus roots close to your chest. Some of the buds were already starting to open. Clearing your throat, you said, “For the safety of the little ones, yes. Is that a problem?”
The cloaked figure wryly chuckled. “It is. Because you do not seek the sea witch for the ‘safety of the little ones,’ you seek the sea witch for yourself.” Your opened your mouth to speak, but they cut you off. “My wise advice for you—don’t. End this search for the sea witch, now.”
They swam away and you remained in the lotus grove utterly confused. For the rest of the day, their words stuck with you and replayed in your mind over and over. Yet, it still wasn’t enough to stop your search. The surface still called to you, and you were determined to answer it.
It felt weird to be amongst your people again. You were so busy vicariously living with the landwalkers that you forgot how different interactions between merfolk and landwalkers were. Instead of walking or running, it was swimming and tail flapping. Instead of giggles, it was a flurry of bubbles and occasional muted speech. Unless the conversation was important enough, you merfolk spoke with your hands. Merfolk swam with their tails on top of one another and their arms intertwined ahead of them.
Strangely, you felt out of place. Everything felt so different than it had once felt before. It felt like you didn’t belong under the water anymore.
You were going over the information you had gathered when suddenly the pieces all fit together. The old shipwreck… At first you didn’t know where it was but you vaguely remember your father ushering you away from it as a guppy. It was when you were out with your mother. The Elder you visited was right—it was quite far if you remembered correctly, but you had to try. And if the witch’s torch couldn’t be unlit against her will, then she might be there for you to ask a wish from her.
You twirled in excitement. The sea witch… you finally found her! You were going to have your legs that you’ve spent so many nights dreaming of, and you didn’t want to waste anymore time.
As the light rays dwindled, you quickly snuck out under the cover of darkness and began to swim towards the location, sneaking past any merfolk who were still out of their seaweed beds. Deep, deep down you swam and swam until you could barely see ahead of you. That was, until a sparkling light appeared and guided you—the witch’s torch.
You darted towards it, a nervous excitement bubbling inside of you as you drew closer and closer. You pushed all of the warnings your people gave you and all of the cautionary tales into the furthest, darkest corner of your mind. Today was the day that your life was going to change. When you reached it, a large opening with more sparkling lights beckoned you inside and you hesitantly followed them one by one.
The swim felt like it lasted an eternity as you twisted and turned, the large muscle in your tail burning and throbbing with exertion, until you saw a bright light that almost blinded you at first look. You swam towards it and surfaced from the water inside a decent sized pool in what looked like the interior of a rocky, rundown and dingy hut.
“Ah, a visitor!” a voice said and you swung around. A woman—a landwalking woman—was in front of a shelf of various trinkets and knick knacks next to a table full of jars of spices and herbs. Her voice came out more as a rasp, a scratchy sound that sounded like she didn’t use her voice much. She turned towards where you surfaced with a bright smile that was all teeth. Her dark, shadowed eyes widened and a chill ran down your spine all the way to the fin at the end of your tail.
She wore clothes that hung limply from her body and was tattered and dirty. Her hair a wild mess. When you thought of the sea witch, this is not what you were expecting. Still, you could feel the waves of power radiating off of her, and it made your heart beat faster in a twisted excitement.
She was real. The sea witch was real.
She walked towards the pool you were in. “Don’t get too many of those anymore, especially from the depths. Must be all the stories o—your people tell of me.” She chortled and you tilted your head in confusion before realizing that she had made a joke a second too late. The witch waved her hand in the air at your silence, “I kid, I kid.”
“The depths?” you asked her.
She chortled more before giving you a bewildered look. “Hm, what are they saying to you? Yes, child. I am both the sea and the land.” She turned back to the shelf, and as she did, she muttered, “At least, before that blasted curse long ago. You would think they would have some empathy… But, I digress.”
Pushing away from the shelf, the witch stepped towards you. Her tattered dress was ripped at the hems at multiple points so pieces of fabric hung from it and dragged along the stone floor. When she moved, the shells, sticks, and pearls she wore clacked together in an alluring harmony. It reminded you a little of the sea. She bent down at the edge of the pool so she was eye level with you, her messy hair fanning around her face.
“What deal did you come to make, little mermaid?” she asked, her eyes still wide and her smile still all teeth.
You waded backwards in the water slightly, but stood your ground. You swallowed, willing your voice to speak. “Legs…” you trailed softly before licking your lips. “Legs,” you said, louder and with more confidence. “I want to trade my tail for legs. I wish to walk on land like the landwalkers do—be a landwalker like them.”
“Legs,” the witch drawled out before tsking as she turned away from you in a large, dramatic motion. She grabbed a stone bowl from the top of one of her shelves, picking here and there at spices and herbs and trinkets as she moved about the room. “Always legs,” she continued. “You all could wish for anything—wings at your back, a stony gaze, the will for revenge—but you never do. Just legs. Always a deep desire to be human, what is it about them?” She spat out the last word, human, like it was stuck on the roof of her mouth.
Your brows furrowed in worry. What if she didn’t accept your deal? What if she was too tired of giving foolish mermaids like you legs to walk on land with and denied you wish?
The witch suddenly turned towards you and you jumped. “As I’m sure you know, everything always comes with a price—and this is mine. I will accept your request, but in return you must do something for me as well.”
You nodded furiously. “Y-Yes! Anything… I’ll do anything!”
The sea witch smiled, but it lacked all of the playfulness she previously possessed. Instead, it was almost cold, like she had flipped a fin. The change shocked and scared you deep to your core. You wanted to swim further back and away from her, but her gaze locked you in place and you felt paralyzed.
“In one month’s time, you must cut out the beating heart of the human you love the most and bring it to me.” The sea witch slowly leaned away from you, her eyes remaining on yours. “If you don’t fulfill your end of the deal, you will never walk on land again and you will never swim in the recesses of the ocean again either. You will instead turn to seafoam and be nevermore. That is your price, guppy.”
The way ‘guppy’ passed through her dry lips was like a bolt of lightning through water. Her scratchy voice was plain, like she said the words so many times that she simply plucked them from her memory and presented them to you. It made you sink deeper into the water and realize how foolish this dream of yours must look to others—to the one who granted the same wish to other merfolk time and time again before you. It made you feel… small.
Your eyes widened in shock and in fear. “B-But, in the story—”
The witch swiftly interrupted you, her voice harsh and grating. She leaned down to you again so fast you had no time to process it. Her teeth were sharp and her eyes were almost fully black. “In the ‘story,’ I gave that halfwitted thing a single day and every step she took felt like standing upon urchins. Be grateful, girl, that I am showing you kindness. Now what will it be? Do you accept, or do you waste my time?”
The clacking of her jewelry sounded like a ticking clock, urging you to answer quickly. “I accept!” you blurted. Your eyes widened further and you gasped softly at your own words. The sea witch’s sharp smile grew.
She got in the water and hooked her arms under you and dragged you towards the stone floor. “Yes, child!” she shouted, her voice suddenly a wondrous melody, and smoke rose all around you out of the bubbling cauldron you suddenly noticed. “A deal has been made—one you will die for to break! There’s no turning back!” She cackled loudly as she dragged you fully onto the ground, dropping you unceremoniously. You sat up, fear flooding your entire body as you froze and shook from the sudden change in temperature.
“There’s no turning back! There’s no turning back! A debt to be made, a word on contract. The beating heart shall be mine, for all you have sacrificed will be paid!” the witch shouted, cackling to herself.
The room grew dark and the light from the cauldron shimmered off of your deep blue scales. Before you could do much else, the sea witch plucked four scales from your tail and you hissed out in pain. She dropped them into the cauldron along with the trinkets and such from the stone bowl, mixing them all together with a hearty laugh.
You began to rise in the air and your tail started to tingle before becoming so unbearably hot that you started to writhe. You screamed out in pain as the smoke clouded around you and left you blind to the rest of the room. Smoke entered your lungs and you began to cough violently as fog rose above the surface of the pool and left it completely covered. You were suddenly reminded of your father’s previous words, “They will bottle your song and use it for their wrongdoings.” He should’ve told you how it wasn’t a landwalker that would steal your song, but something else entirely.
The sea witch’s voice rang in your head as she cackled more in the background. There’s no turning back.
From beyond the smoke and fog, you heard the witch shout, “Tonight, a vicious storm will brew and take you on your journey. A month from now the same storm will return, with or without you.”
You could barely hear her between your screams. You could barely hear your screams at all from the way your blood rushed to your ears. One by one, your scales ripped from your tail and withered away into nothingness. The more you writhed in pain, the more it felt like your tail was being split in two. You rose further into the air and noticed the suspended pool of water hanging above you. Suddenly, you couldn’t breathe. Like your gills had completely closed and you were suffocating. The top of your head rose into the water and despite not being able to breathe, you screamed—a shrill sound full of unabashed fear.
From the distance, you heard the sea witch’s voice again. This time she wasn’t shouting, but instead chuckling in satisfaction. She continued, “Either way, I’ll have a heart.”
As you entered the water, you were whooshed into a current that helped you breathe again. You gasped in large breaths as you spun around disoriented. The pain you felt was unimaginable. Your tail felt as if someone was ripping a leg off of a starfish. Except, instead of growing back the same, it was growing something else entirely. Something foreign that never should be growing there in the first place. More scales ripped and withered off of you as your tail split.
You tried to think about the future. Of how worth it this will all be in the end when you have your legs and you finally walk on land, living amongst the landwalkers—or humans, as the sea witch interestingly called them.
But, a thought prodded at your mind. The bargain you made and the heart you will have to bring back.
You didn’t think you could do it. You didn’t have the stomach to cut out someone’s heart, but you had no choice. Not anymore. Who’s heart will you cut out? Will you find some unsuspecting victim and force yourself to love them until you actually do, so in the end you can rip out the heart they entrusted you with? It was all so wrong. What have you done?
The current led you to the sea’s surface and in the heart of the most vicious storm you’ve ever seen. Waves crashed against you and pummeled you back down under the surface, yet each time you emerged again and again. Harsh, stinging winds slashed across your skin, yet you remained unharmed. You hoarsely yelled out in pain and looked down at the beautiful blue tail you once had, the scales a myriad of shades. You didn’t even recognize it anymore.
Instead, what you saw was a half tail, half pair of legs monstrosity. It perfectly described where you were at this current moment—between the waves of the watery life you had been stripped from and being pushed forward to the dry land of the life you will come to know. In the distance, you heard that loud, guttural sound that you recognized so well. You turned and saw the beacon of fluttering light emitting from the lighthouse standing tall against the storm.
A dark thought polluted your mind. You weren’t expecting to be spat out so close to the village. Your mind traveled to the man working the lighthouse as you fought against the waves to breathe the cold air.
What if it was his heart you cut out?
No… you didn’t want to think that. Didn’t want that thought to be true. You pushed out the thought as soon as it came to mind. Anybody, but him. Anybody, but Sunghoon. You’ve grown too fond of him during the times you watched over him. You can’t let his already seemingly lonely life be cut short by getting his heart ripped out. You wouldn’t allow yourself to do that to him.
The tormenting waves seemed to have other plans for you. It felt as if they read your mind and sensed your discomfort. They took you directly towards the shore where the lighthouse sat with purposeful glides and you started to cry.
Shock jolted you as you felt wetness roll down your cheeks just as the rain started to pour down harder from a light sprinkling. You touched your cheeks with trembling hands. The change was all too much too fast. It was so overwhelming. You weren’t expecting it to be this way.
When you heard the story of the mermaid trading her tail for legs it was nothing like this. She emerged from the water like a graceful swan, a beautiful sunset behind her that reflected off the calm sea. You couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the lies you were told.
You didn’t feel graceful, you felt forsaken. This was a journey of death, not rebirth.
The closer you got to the shore, the more regret started to pierce deep inside you. It didn’t help that the storm clouds seemed to break so the moon’s light could illuminate just you. It all felt so unfair. All you wanted to do was walk on land, why must you endure all this? Why must you love someone deeply only to rip their heart out? And why were the sea witch’s waves so hellbent on that person being Sunghoon?
Why did the excitement still flood in the pit of your belly at the thought of the life you may live after?
A second, smaller light flickered on at the tiny island you were barreling towards and you knew it was him. You watched as the small light raced towards the shore almost as fast as you were being pushed to it. The two of you were heading towards a deadly collision and you weren’t ready for it.
The waves spat you out and you washed up on the sand of the shore. You felt weak and dizzy and something else entirely that you couldn't name or figure out. Your stomach rumbled like the thunder and your head ached. You raised your head as much as you could and looked down at your new body. You were in so much pain that you almost couldn’t feel anything at all.
Sniffling a little, a laugh spilled from your lips and the corners of your mouth pulled upwards. You have legs. They may be painful at the moment and slightly numb, but you finally had them. You felt every grain against them and dug your legs further into the sand. The last remaining scales of your former life surrounded you like glittering rocks. You were surprised that they hadn’t withered away like the rest of them.
You looked up at the full moon, glowing and huge. It looked like a pearl hung in the sky. You smiled wider before inhaling deeply. You felt brand new. Maybe the whole journey was worth it in the end. A wave of sleep hit you and you struggled to keep your eyes open.
Just as your eyes began to close fully, a warm light draped over your body. Sunghoon’s worried face appeared in your view just as another wave of sleep overcame you, the ghost of a smile on your face.
As you drifted off into the unknown, the claws of regret sank into you again and it’s almost as if you could hear the sea witch’s cruel cackling. You can’t rip out his heart, you just couldn’t. You wouldn’t. Because, unbeknownst to you, that fondness you held so deeply for him was already blossoming into something more. Something dangerous. And you would protect it with your last dying breath.
It was a strange day, indeed, for Sunghoon.
More of a strange week, actually. Firstly, his assistant keeper was nowhere to be found, so he was on the small island all alone; manning all of the work and upkeep of the lighthouse on his own. As he went on about his days, Sunghoon constantly felt watched—he even swore he heard a woman’s laugh before, even saw the apparition of her along the shore, but it was just him. Maybe it was finally his time to go mad like so many of the other lighthouse keepers that came before him.
Now a vicious storm appearing out of nowhere? After his logs over the week have only shown mostly clear skies? It was all very strange to him.
Even stranger was how loud the storm was—louder than any storm he has ever heard before. It was as if it wanted to make its chaotic presence known. It had awoken him from his dreamless sleep like an alluring song. As Sunghoon scanned the waters for any possible boats or ships, a woman, illuminated by a beam of moonlight, fought against the waves and crashed upon his shore like some holy being. The storm had come so fast he barely had time to get from his bed and light his oil lantern to go out and try to assist her.
That is where Sunghoon was now, holding his lantern over your bare body as he worriedly looked over you for any injuries. You seemed completely unharmed, surrounded by shifting blue scales with pearls in your hair and shiny skin that still clung to the water from the ocean. With skin the slightest bit tinted blue and with slightly webbed hands, you almost looked… human—but, more ethereal and beautiful than anything Sunghoon has ever seen in his entire life. You were prettier than any Gibson Girl appearance the women of the village sported by far.
Realizing that he was gazing upon a woman’s naked body who he didn’t know, Sunghoon quickly sat his lantern down in the sand as he shrugged off his wet coat. He laid it over you before hooking his arms under your legs and back to carry you back to safety in his quarters, making sure to grab his lantern to light his way back through the dark. Every few seconds Sunghoon peered down to gape at you, too entranced with your beauty. It was as if he couldn’t bring himself to look away, no matter how hard he tried.
The closer to his small house and the further away from the shore he got, the storm simmered until he was at the front of his door and the skies and sea were almost calm again. Very strange, Sunghoon thought.
Sunghoon laid you down gently onto his couch and replaced his coat for one of the thick blankets strewn across the back of the couch. You were completely out cold, and probably would be for a while. Sunghoon shook his head in wonder as he stared down at you. “What happened to you? How did you manage to get caught vulnerable and alone in the middle of a storm?”
His questions would have to wait for later. Sunghoon rushed back outside and to the lighthouse. He climbed up the narrow winding staircase to the top and ensured that the lamp was still burning. After adjusting the flame, everything was back in order and the mechanism was spinning efficiently.
Sunghoon sighed as he exited the lighthouse and leaned against the wind-worn door of it for a moment. The weather was calm again and he still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. It felt like a storm only one would see in text of myths and legends. Thankfully, he wouldn’t have to do much cleaning up after the sudden storm. After logging everything that happened, Sunghoon ventured back down to the shore—back down to where he found you.
In the sand, he picked up some of the blue scales that had surrounded you and inspected them. They were somewhat transparent and flexible. When Sunghoon held them out to the light, they shifted from a dark blue to a deep teal color. It only left him with more questions, but he pocketed them to ask you about later.
He remembered how in the books he read, they told of mermaids and the magic that surrounded them. It said how if a mermaid were to give you one of their scales, the scale would bring you good fortune for as long as you kept it close to you. It also said how pirates would use this to their advantage to pillage other ships and take treasure for their own.
A yawn was ripped from Sunghoon’s mouth and he looked out at the moon. If his calculations were correct, he still had a couple of hours until he had to be up again for the day. Heading back to the small house near the lighthouse, Sunghoon decided to go back to sleep until either it was time for him to wake up, or you awoke. There was no point in staying awake if everything outside was calm with no signs of changing and you were asleep.
Sunghoon quickly ran upstairs and changed his wet clothes for dryer ones, making sure to bring some down for you to wear when you woke up. He sunk down into the armchair next to the couch, running his hands through his damp hair. Sunghoon glanced over to you, sleeping peacefully, with a sigh. He just hoped that nothing else strange occurred.
He got as comfortable as he could on the armchair and yawned once again. Sunghoon closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep.
You awoke inside a simply adorned house that you didn’t recognize. Memories rushed towards the forefront of your mind and you recalled the events you just went through. The sea witch, your new—and no longer painful—legs, the storm, and Sunghoon’s worried face. You slowly sat up and the fabric across your body fell off your shoulders and pooled in your lap.
You turned towards the window and looked out at the sky. It was still rather dark outside, but you could tell that the dawn was not too far away. The light atop of the lighthouse still flickered like a beacon in the sky and there were no remnants of whatever storm brought you here.
The surface… you were finally on it. A smile grew on your face and you turned your attention back to your new legs, flipping the fabric off of them completely to gaze upon them.
They were absolutely glorious. You giggled a little as you wiggled the tiny fingers at the end of them. They felt unusual, but you suppose you would eventually get used to the feeling. Another thought popped into your head, loud and demanding—Sunghoon.
He was asleep in the chair next to you, his body uncomfortably twisted in it. You tilted your head as you looked at him. You actually couldn’t believe it, you were finally getting a close look at a landwalker—a human. You stood on your new legs, shaking and using the couch to stabilize you. You took a shaky step towards him, and another until you were basically hovering over him and trying your hardest not to tip over and fall into his lap.
How fascinating, humans. They didn’t have any gills like merfolk did, nor the tinged blue-ish skin or shiny tail. And from what you could tell, their ears didn’t have any attached fins on them either. You touched your own ears, astonished at how different they felt. They were rounded now, and smooth to the touch. You then held out your hand and held it up near Sunghoon’s to see if there was still a difference. They were still slightly webbed, but not nearly like how they used to be. It was all so… new.
Your skin was soft and warm rather than cold, wet, and almost slick. Sunghoon’s hair also didn’t sprawl out around him like yours did when you were underwater. Instead, it covered his eyes in a dark curtain and rested softly across his cheeks.
You reached out your hand further and brushed the hair away to see Sunghoon’s closed eyes, your fingers brushing lightly across his skin. He really was beautiful. Your brows knitted together as the tips of your fingers dragged down his cheek. Did all humans look like him?
Sunghoon’s eyes cracked open and you gasped softly, pulling your hand away. You took a wobbly step back and nearly fell onto the table if it hadn’t been for Sunghoon jumping up from his chair and quickly reaching out and grabbing your waist to steady you. You both looked at each other with wide eyes and in complete silence. You were sure that even the waves halted its chorus. Sunghoon’s eyes trailed your body and his eyes widened even more before he swiftly removed his hands from your bare waist and turned his head to the side, blinking rapidly.
“T-There’s clothes on the table for you…” Sunghoon stuttered, the sleep still in his voice, as he shifted back against the edge of the armchair nervously. His eyes darted to yours before looking away again.
You gave him a confused look before turning to the table. You held up the “clothes” he was talking about in front of you and turned back to him with a puzzled look. “What… is it?” you asked. You stuck your arm through one of its various holes, confused on what you were to do with it.
Sunghoon shifted more until he suddenly fell down in the seat and he dragged his gaze up to you. You could see the way his body heated up and the redness that creeped up his neck and tinted his cheeks pink. It made him look even prettier. He took the pillow from behind him and pressed it down in his lap. “Uh… I-It’s a shirt,” he stuttered more, just as confused as you were. “You wear it?”
You lowered the shirt so you could look at him and Sunghoon looked at the ceiling. “Wear it?” you repeated. What is a “shirt” and how does one “wear it?” There was so much about a human’s life that you didn’t know. It made you excited to learn about it all.
Sunghoon cleared his throat and his brows drew together more, like he didn’t understand how you didn’t understand what he was talking about. Suddenly, realization dawned on his features and he slowly looked down from the ceiling so his eyes connected with yours. “Yeah,” he said slowly. You could see the geysers blowing in his head the more he stared at you, his eyes shifting along your face and your hair. He glanced towards the door before settling on you. “Have you seen them before?” he suddenly asked.
“From afar on humans, but never this close! We don’t wear things such as this. It’s soft,” you smiled. You then gasped, covering your mouth with your hand. You didn’t think it was wise to let him know that you were—or, use to be—a mermaid. Your father’s words came to mind again, but, as you stared at Sunghoon with wide eyes, it didn’t look like he was dangerous.
After all, he did rescue you from the storm and gave you shelter. He is even giving you some of his clothes, even if you didn’t know what to do with them or how to wear them. Maybe you could trust him with your secret before going off to the village in hopes of finding someone to fall in love with. Treat it as a farewell before you leave him to ensure your fondness doesn't grow any further.
A knowing smile grew on Sunghoon’s face and as you stared at each other for another moment, you could see him put all the pieces together himself. “Well, us humans usually wear a shirt like this,” he started, motioning down to the shirt that covered his chest. “And trousers to cover our lower half. You’re, uh, naked… right now.”
Your brows raised in shock and your fingers rose to your hair. Naked? How were you naked? Most of your pearls were still in your hair and your hair was relatively decent still. You were completely dressed.
Sunghoon slowly stood. He grabbed the shirt from you and held it in between your bodies. “I’m not sure how things work where you’re from… but here, let me help you…” He lifted the shirt and pulled it over your head through one of the holes. “Your arms go through the other two,” Sunghoon murmured awkwardly.
He then very awkwardly guided you through putting on the trousers and you quickly learned about balance and its importance.
“Thank you,” you said sincerely as you smiled at him. Sunghoon sheepishly smiled back, rubbing the back of his neck. “But, I must ask one last thing of you. The village… it’s dire that I get there as fast as possible.”
Sunghoon’s smile dropped. You leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his warm cheek. You still weren’t used to the warmth that came with humans. You then started to make your way to the door, a lot less wobbly. The kiss was risky, but you couldn’t help yourself. Sunghoon raced towards you, his arms out. “Wait!” he called out.
He held you in place by your shoulders to stop you from leaving. “You can’t leave—not without someone guiding you, and I can’t leave the lighthouse. The villagers… they’ll eat someone like you alive up there. It’s not safe.” You could tell Sunghoon wasn’t joking by the serious expression on his face.
What were you supposed to do now? “Someone like me?” you asked.
Sunghoon gave you an almost incredulous look. “You arrived in a storm completely unharmed and alive. When I found you, you were surrounded by these scales and you wear pearls in your hair…” he trailed off, like the answer was blatantly obvious. “The villagers don’t believe, but spending time here, alone, at this lighthouse will at the very least have you questioning. Nevermind the generations of journals that my family has kept stored away with tales of fair maidens from the waters and their shimmering tails.”
Your shoulders sagged. At least you didn’t have to hide what you were from him anymore—not that you were doing a good job of it anyway. “B-But… I have to go to the village!” you exclaimed.
“Listen, why don’t you stay here for a while? I’ll teach you everything you need to know—human to mermaid—and after, you can go on your merry way and live amongst us on your own!” said Sunghoon.
“You don’t understand.” You slumped down on the couch, crossing your arms. “It’s not safe for you, and I don’t have that much time.”
Sunghoon quirked a brow, chuckling, “What? Are you gonna eat me or something?” You stayed silent. He sat down on the couch next to you. “If you were, you would’ve done so on the shore or while I was sleeping. I promise that no angry mob is gonna come rowing here after you, you don’t have to worry. And, I’ll teach you everything as fast as I can.”
You sighed defeatedly, you just hoped it was fast enough for you to still find someone else. It couldn’t be Sunghoon who’s heart you ripped out. “Okay,” you murmured.
Sunghoon smiled brightly at you. “Now, what’s your name, darling?”
You finally turned to look at him again. Sunghoon had the warmest brown eyes that you couldn’t even begin to decipher, but you wouldn’t mind getting lost in them. Everything about him was warm like the feeling of the sun on your skin. Hesitantly, you told him your name.
“I’m Sunghoon, here at your service!” You laughed and he joined in with you. You almost wanted to tell him that you already knew, that you’ve been watching him, but you decided against it. It was best that he didn’t know. You wouldn’t be staying here for long anyway.
“Sunghoon,” you repeated instead, like you haven’t already said it before, “that’s very pretty.”
“A compliment, coming from a pretty woman like yourself? Well, it must be! Thank you kindly, Miss!” He smiled playfully and you rolled your eyes. There was a pang in your chest and you inhaled. Thankfully it was covered by a loud growl, causing you to furrow your brows.
Sunghoon’s face lit up in realization again. “Ah, right. You must be hungry. Let me fetch you something to eat.”
It has been about a week since you landed in Sunghoon’s care and time was ticking down. You tried to not think about how much time you had left, instead distracting yourself by helping Sunghoon around the lighthouse, but it was near impossible. It didn’t help that since the two of you were alone on the island together, you both had no choice but to be in each other’s presence and get to know each other.
Sunghoon has taught you a lot about humans throughout the week you’ve been here and in turn you’ve told him about how things worked under the water. The two of you were fascinated by each other’s stories and that, in turn, only brought you both even closer. It was a dangerous game that you couldn’t bring yourself to stop playing.
The day was clear, and as Sunghoon said, “It holds no signs of changing.”
He had taught you how to track the weather and which signs to look for that signaled an oncoming storm. You listened diligently as he explained to you clouds and how they varied from the big, white fluffy ones to the dark grey ones that led to rain. Sunghoon stopped his painting of the side of the connected building of the lighthouse, leaning his back against the dried part to watch you and listen to you speak, when you began to tell him how you tracked the weather underwater. You weren’t used to the attention, and still not used to Sunghoon’s intense gaze either, so you had kept your eyes firmly on the task at hand as you spoke of bubbles and currents.
Sunghoon didn’t take his eyes off of you, not once. You finally raised your head to meet his stare. “There’s not really ‘weather’ underwater, for the most part,” you started. “Think of blowing into a cup of water from the surface of it, and now think of that as rain up here.” You waved the hand that held the large paintbrush up towards the clouds. “That’s how we’d be able to know if it was raining up at the surface—though, going to the surface is forbidden anyway.”
You thought back to all of the times where your Elders and you father especially forbade you from even getting close to the surface—and how you would ignore their demands anyway. Although it was such a grievance then, you thought back to your father’s voice and the warning it always carried. “Don’t go near the surface, my child. They will bottle your song and use it for their wrongdoings. Landwalkers are dangerous,” you recalled aloud.
Sunghoon took a step towards you, a teasing smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “Do you think that I’m dangerous?” he asked.
You looked over at him again, a grin across your face and one of your eyebrows raised. “If anyone here is dangerous, it’s me. No offense. But, you are the one who decided to house a mermaid with no survival instincts whatsoever.”
Sunghoon laughed and it was the most glorious sound that you have ever heard. Your eyes widened a little at the sound and watched as he threw his head back, his hat almost slipping off and catching the wind. It made your own smile brighten and you laughed a little along with him. “I can’t argue with that, sweetheart,” Sunghoon spoke, the smile still lingering on his face. He had teeth that looked like little fangs and it reminded you a lot of the merfolk back home.
“So, what did make you want to come to the surface in the first place? Especially after all of the warnings you heard?” asked Sunghoon.
You continued to paint the siding as you spoke, your voice soft as you recalled the memories from long ago. “At first, I was completely against going to the surface. I thought, ‘why go through all of that trouble to put myself into a dangerous situation’? But the more that I thought that thought, the more curious I became.”
You could see the memory in your mind so vividly, it was almost like you were reliving it. “One day, one of the guppies—children,” you corrected yourself with a sheepish grin and a brief look over to Sunghoon. His complete attention was still on you. “Got curious enough to try and swim up to the surface herself.”
The image of the child was burned into your memory. Everyone was too busy to pay attention to her and she took the opportunity to reach what she always dreamed of touching. You remembered how the ray of sunlight cast down from the surface onto her, how close she was. It had ignited a fiery inspiration inside of you and unlocked a deep, hidden desire that you didn’t know you beheld.
“Nobody, but me, was watching her. So, I watched as her little tail took her to the surface, and the way her arm outstretched to touch it…” you trailed. Hands wrapping around the child and dragging her back down flashed in your mind, and you winced a little. Her screams were so loud, her felled dream even louder. It completely broke your heart. You cleared your throat and looked at Sunghoon. His thick brows were furrowed as he put together the rest of the story without you even having to say anything. You smiled at him, but it was strained. “The more you try to keep someone from something, the more they want it, you know?” you said finally.
You quickly shifted the subject away from the little girl. “I couldn’t get it out of my mind. So, a couple days later, I decided to try and touch the surface myself, see how dangerous it really was.” You started to paint again, turning away from Sunghoon and watching the streaks of paint that appeared with each graze of your paintbrush. “My father had always said that when he was a kid, merfolk used to go to the surface all of the time. He talked a lot about these people called pirates and how we would help them. That was, before something happened and merfolk decided to stick to the sea.”
Sunghoon’s low voice startled you out of your memories. “Pirates?” he asked, and the tone of his voice made it seem like he knew what you were talking about. “I guess that’s not all that surprising. A lot of pirates weren’t good people. Did your father ever tell you what happened with the pirates?”
You shook your head. “Not at all… It wasn’t a time he recalled fondly. And the Elders refused to even answer questions about it.” Realizing that you were drifting from the question Sunghoon initially asked you, you shifted the conversation again. “Anyway, it was nighttime and I had waited for everyone to be asleep to make my grand journey. I remember when my hand first broke through the water. It was such a surreal feeling. Even though I knew there was a whole other world beyond the surface, it was a completely different experience actually seeing it and realizing that all of the stories about the surface were real.”
Sunghoon grabbed your elbow and gently pulled you away from the siding so that you could face him. He wanted to see the excitement seep through every crevice of your face and the way your eyes lit up. He wanted to experience it with you. You looked at him through your eyelashes as heat crept up your spine and along your neck until it made your cheeks burn.
“And when I dared to surface fully…” A large smile spread across your features that you couldn't stop. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was unlike anything that I had ever imagined—it was like a whole other world.” Sunghoon held your hands in his as his own smile spread and brightened. It was a bit awkward with the paintbrushes, but the two of you didn’t mind. “I had to see it for myself. I knew that if I didn’t, I would never forgive myself. So, I kept coming to the surface, just staring at all of the buildings at first. Then that turned to getting close and hearing the sounds of people, then watching their daily lives from behind rocks.”
“Have you ever watched me?” Sunghoon jokingly asked. You quickly looked away from him in embarrassment, but Sunghoon just laughed that beautiful sound again and it made you feel like the embarrassment was worth it if you were able to hear him laugh again.
You said your response through a murmur, your eyes cast down to the grass below, “I think you’re the one I watched the most.” You dared a glance at him, only to meet his eyes and be locked down by his smile.
Clearing your throat, you pulled your hands from his grasp. You instead bent down to the paint can between the two of you and dipped your paintbrush into it to resume painting the side of your building. For a moment, you could feel Sunghoon’s stare on you, his sunlit smile, until he too went back to painting and it was quiet between the two of you. It was a long moment before one of you spoke again.
“What do you say we row over to the village? Get you some proper clothes?” asked Sunghoon. “I don’t think you want to keep wearing mine.” He paused from the siding he was painting again to look over at you.
You halted the paintbrush you were holding, looking at his clothes that you wore. “What? Do they not look good on me?” you giggled.
Sunghoon’s eyes widened, almost like something clicked in his head, but a smile grew on his face. He said nothing for a moment, just stared at you with a fond smile. “Of course they look good on you,” he said.
You looked away, hiding your face, as you continued painting. “That would be nice,” you murmured, before speaking a little louder. “It would be nice to see the village.”
Not soon after that, the two of you were climbing up the dock at the village together. You stuck near Sunghoon’s side, suddenly overwhelmed by the bust life of the villagers. As you walked through the streets, you couldn’t help but notice all their stares—their dirty looks. You pressed more into Sunghoon’s side and he wrapped his arm around your waist.
“A man’s clothes!” you heard the village women mutter amongst each other. “And her hair…”
You now knew what Sunghoon meant when he said that the village would eat you alive. You didn’t look how the village women looked and the difference was drastic and obvious. None of them had pearls intricately wrapped in strands of their hair or even had their hair down. Their hair was all put up, with flowing skirts and modest blouses or fitted dresses that showed the curve of their hips that didn’t match the buttoned up untucked men’s shirt and trousers you wore. It was all so overwhelming.
By the time you reached the tailors, you were practically clutching onto Sunghoon’s side, clinging onto him like you were helpless. How did you ever expect to do this alone? When you entered, every eye was on you. A human woman—who you assumed was the owner of the shop—rushed towards you. “Oh, you poor thing! Let me fix you up!” she cooed as she pulled you away from Sunghoon’s grasp.
You looked back at him with wide, fearful eyes. “It’ll be okay,” he assured you, grabbing your hand. “I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
“This will take a while,” the woman said to him, before glancing at you. At least she didn’t look at you like the other women did. It was more with pity than disgust. Sunghoon nodded, sitting in one of the chairs with his hat clutched in his hands. You didn’t turn away from him until your view of him was physically cut off by the curtain the woman pulled in front of your face and he didn’t look away either.
Suddenly, the woman had you out of Sunghoon’s clothes and in long skirts and blouses. She had you try on various ones to gauge your size, along with pulling out what she called a “measuring tape.”
Once you had on an outfit she was satisfied with, her fingers hovered over the pearls in your hair, a look you couldn’t name in her eyes. “Pearls are very beautiful, don’t you agree?” she asked as she turned to look at your face. You nodded, still a bit uncomfortable, as you cast your gaze downwards to the floor.
“All that hardship for beauty… for a simple creation,” the woman said. “I was just like you once, little guppy.” You gaze snapped to hers in shock as her eyes stared at the pearls in your hair.
The woman continued, and you saw the sadness in her eyes. She nodded her head towards the curtain, “That man out there, he found you, didn’t he?” You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out, so you just nodded. “He’s already swimming down deep for you,” she said. “It gets easier, dear. When it’s all over, you come and find me, you hear?”
She worked on your outfit, pinning fabric in places here and smoothing fabric down there. It was a tentative process and your legs started to ache from standing for so long. You took the chance to inspect the tailor for her mermaid attributes. It was very, very faint, but you could still see the coolness in her skin. When she smoothed down the fabric of the skirt you wore, you saw her slightly webbed hands and looked down at your own. She was much older than you, and you could tell that she had settled nicely into the life she had created for herself here.
There was a long silence that stretched between the two of you, one that wasn’t uncomfortable, when the woman finally spoke again. There was an air of distaste in her words. “When I was a much younger woman, I made the same deal that you did—one that certainly came with its hardships. My pearly scales were taken from me and I was sent here in a storm like you and so many others who wash up along the shores of this village. The sea witch had only given me a day and a knife. I had no one but myself to rely on as I was outcasted from the sea, and I don’t want that for other young mermaids.”
The tailor didn’t look at you as she worked. Her eyes remained downcast. Something in her voice began to break, but she quickly covered it by clearing her throat. “It’s a horrible thing, but it is necessary if you want a life out of the sea. If you wish for advice, I will not hesitate to give it and help aid you along your own journey.”
She said nothing else—nothing else about the fact that you both crawled from the deep in hopes of a new life. Nothing about how she must’ve had to sacrifice the one she loved most in order to be standing in front of you right now. Nothing about if it was worth it or not—and you so desperately needed to know.
Instead, she carefully untangled the pearls from your windswept hair and worked them into the up-do she styled your hair in. As she worked around you, you noticed the single pearl in her own hair, and your heart broke in two. It was carefully weaved into a braid along with what you were assuming was one of her scales from so long ago. Too late did you remember the infamous story you’ve heard countless times now of the naive mermaid with the pearlescent tail.
Once she was done and the curtain was opened, you all but ran back to where Sunghoon still sat, just like he said he would. As you approached, he stood to his feet as he looked over you. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. The woman giggled, winking at you and handing you your bags, before leaving the two of you alone.
“Better?” you asked him, glancing down at the new clothes you wore.
“You were already beautiful,” Sunghoon replied, a bit breathlessly and flustered. You smiled and felt your face start to heat up rapidly. His ears were a flaming red that made you giggle a little. Sunghoon cleared his throat, blinking., “B-But, it’s a good hu—good look on you. Do you like it?”
You thought it over for a moment, ‘There’s aspects of it that I like, some that I don’t.” You like how intricate it all looked. A lot of it reminded you of the seabed. With all of the colors, it looked like you wore a coral reef with the most beautiful and shimmering fish in it. You weren’t sure about how fitted it all felt, but you were sure you would get used to it. It bummed you that your hair was put up, but at least you kept your pearls.
“Well, you can wear it all however you like when we’re back on the island, sweetheart,” said Sunghoon, stepping towards you. He took your hands in his and smiled at you.
When the two of you walked back through the village, you still felt eyes on you—more snickers and muttering. On the row home you were quiet, which Sunghoon noticed. Your eyes had stayed on the water, your fingers reaching down to touch the surface but stopping before you could make contact. At the house, he saw how the sadness twisted your features.
He guided you towards the couch, his brows drawn together in worry. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, his voice low. Sunghoon watched helplessly as the tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him before sliding down your cheeks. You touched your fingers to the wetness, confused.
“What is this?” you asked him.
“Tears,” Sunghoon replied. “They happen when you feel an emotion deeply—like sadness.” More tears fell down your cheeks and you buried your face in his chest. Sunghoon wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly.
After a few moments, you peeked your head out and looked at him with big, teary eyes. Your eyes darted down to Sunghoon’s lips before looking back up at him, your brows furrowing as you battled your inner turmoil. Slowly, you leaned up and softly pressed your lips to his.
Sunghoon’s own eyebrows raised in slight shock. You pulled away the slightest bit, your lips still hovering near his like you were frozen. For a second, Sunghoon was too. He then chased your lips with his, kissing you again.
Your lips worked in perfect harmony together as you kissed each other. Like the past week has been building to this moment and it’s finally here and it’s perfect. His lips felt perfect on yours and yours on his. It was as if they were made for each other and you never wanted to spend another moment not kissing Sunghoon.
His hand cupped your face and you sat up more, nearly in his lap, as the kiss deepened. You kissed each other like you were desperate. Like the waves were crashing around you—and they were. The time you had left flashed in your mind and you ran your hands through his hair to distract yourself from the thoughts and instead focus on him—only Sunghoon.
Sunghoon’s hat fell to the side somewhere on the couch and his other hand slid down to rest on your waist. You kissed each other like you didn’t need air, or water, or anything. Just each other. But you did, and you pulled away as heavy breathing overtook the both of you. Not far, but enough so that your lips had the slightest distance from his. Your thoughts came back full force, the sand in your hourglass falling and falling and in the distance you could hear the sea witch’s cackling.
You shook your head a little, eyes still closed. “W-We can’t… This is too dangerous,” you trailed off in a soft and low voice, your eyes fluttering open and meeting his.
“I don’t understand…” Sunghoon whispered. “What is so dangerous about it?” The pads of his thumbs wiped away freshly fallen tears. You shook your head again, pulling away from him fully and sitting properly back on the couch. Sunghoon sat up straighter and placed his dropped hat in his lap.
You wrapped your arms around yourself. You looked out the window towards the calm sea and felt yourself break. It was already too late. You’ve reached the point of no return, and if you continued down the path you were going with Sunghoon, there would be no going back.
“This won’t end well,” you told him, “and we’ll both end up getting hurt—or worse.”
You felt his fingers gently turn your face towards his. His face was inches from yours and he pulled you closed to him as you sniffled, wrapping his arms around you in comfort once again.
“And what if I like the pain—the danger?” Sunghoon asked you quietly. “What if I want to get hurt by you?”
You shook your head once again and turned your head away from him. “You don’t,” you replied. He didn’t know what he was asking, and you knew that someday soon you would have to tell him. Oh, how you wished that time would just freeze here in this moment and let you stay in it a bit longer with him. But, that wasn’t possible.
Sunghoon turned you towards him again, nodding. “I do,” he said.
His lips met yours again and you could feel the harsh winds whip around the two of you. The tides bent and broke and turned. You were both caught in a riptide and there was no escaping. Your fates were already put in motion and sealed with the kiss you shared.
You were a fool to think you could stop it. You kissed Sunghoon back with so much passion and wanting that you were sure it would knock the two of you right over. Instead, he kept you stable, kept both of your heads above the water as you got pushed by the tall waves hand in hand. Sunghoon kissed you back just as feverishly.
From the second you saw him through the fog you knew that your souls would be intertwined. You knew that you would fall in love with him. There was no stopping it, and you couldn’t no matter how hard you tried.
But then you thought of his bloody, beating heart in your cold hands. His lifeless eyes staring up at you. You had to fight against your ripping love for him, there was no other option. You didn’t want the sea witch to have his pure heart. She didn’t deserve it. And you felt like you didn’t deserve it either.
But the anchor has already been dropped into the water, and by the time you hurriedly pull it back up it would already be too late.
So you kept kissing him. You let everything you felt for him speak for itself through your moving lips on his and hoped that it was enough. You hoped that Sunghoon understood it all—hoped that once he found out the truth that he would forgive you for keeping it from him. You hoped that his feelings for you would change.
The woman’s words from earlier seeped between your thoughts. “He’s already swimming down deep for you.” You didn’t think it could get easier like she has said. At the end of the time you had, when it was either you or Sunghoon, you were choosing him. You just hoped that, in time, it would get easier for him.
Since you and Sunghoon shared a kiss that shifted everything between the two of you, a little over a week had passed. You tried hard to fight against your rapidly growing love for him, but it seemed like Sunghoon fought against you every step of the way. Whether it was fleeting but charged touches, longing looks, or the words he spoke, Sunghoon was determined to let the feelings between the two of you grow. He's even gotten more bolder with his displays of affection.
Slowly, throughout the time since your kiss, you let yourself feel all of the deep and confusing and complex emotions for him. Let yourself pretend that you weren't a doomed mermaid, but a regular human girl who was falling in love. There were moments where you completely forgot that you were on a timer—and those moments were filled with complete bliss before your mind snapped back into place and you were ripped from your illusion. Still, you didn’t let that change anything, even if you knew that it should.
So, you shivered at his fleeting touch, wishing for more. You hid your heated face as the two of you exchanged longing glances. You melted at his sweet and honest words, as if it was a secret only the two of you shared. And for the first time in your life, you had everything you’ve ever wanted.
“You feeling better today, my pearl?” Sunghoon asked you gently.
A couple days ago you lightly burned your hand while lighting the oil lamp. It was a mere sting, really, but Sunghoon has been fawning over you ever since. When he first called you “my pearl,” a few days after your kiss, it came as a shock.
“My pearl?” you asked him, slight shock fueling your voice. It was later in the day after the two of you finished the majority of what you had to do around the lighthouse. You and Sunghoon sat across from each other at the table with a discarded shared meal pushed to the side in the center of you both. His hand was intertwined with yours, his thumb caressing the back of it.
“Like the ones in your hair,” he said, using his free hand to motion to them. His smile—one that seemed permanent these days—grew even more and it lit up his whole face. “Unless you want to be called something different…” Sunghoon leaned across the small table towards you, tilting his head. His lips were inches from yours. In a loving voice, he added, “Like sweetheart, or darling, or baby…”
A permanent smile seemed planted on your lips too. Your face felt like it was on fire. “I’ll like whatever you want to call me. The only thing that matters is that it comes from your lips.”
Sunghoon chuckled and his head fell in the other direction before placing a sweet kiss on your lips. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I told you, I’m okay,” you started as Sunghoon looked over your wrapped hand. He glanced up at you with his brows raised before softly kissing the spot on your hand that you hurt. “There's no need to worry.” Sunghoon then brought your hand to his chest. You felt the dull thump of his heartbeat and your assuring smile faltered slightly. You pulled your hand away. “We should finish cleaning the lighthouse,” you said, looking down to your feet. You glanced back up and Sunghoon nodded. You saw the worry start to settle on his face but you moved before he could say anything else.
Later that night, a storm had rolled in. It wasn’t as bad as the one that brought you here, but it still scared you nonetheless. It had woken you up and the thunder shook you to your core. It made you remember that just because you were pretending everything was okay and normal didn’t mean that they were. Your time was ticking down and you had to tell Sunghoon the truth at some point, and it had to be soon.
You shakily slid out your bed, clutching tightly to your frilly, high-collared white nightgown, and made cautious steps towards your door. With each strike of lightning, your bedroom illuminated and you saw your shadow dance across the floor. Sometimes, it didn’t look like you had legs at all, but a tail still. The more steps you took, the more some of them felt wrong. Like you were stepping on hot coals or urchins.
Shaking your head as you slowly opened your door, you tried to calm yourself down. It was all in your head, that’s all. Everything was okay.
You made your way down the short hall towards Sunghoon's room. Carefully, you opened his door, the creaking getting drowned out by the rolling thunder. Sunghoon was already awake, staring out his window from his bed at the storm, his features drawn in complete focus. His eyes snapped to you and his slowly opening door before softening.
You felt silly, like a child coming to a parent after a bad dream. He must’ve seen how scared you were, because he motioned you over to him. You closed his door before walking over to his bed. You climbed up onto it and sat next to him, the two of you peering out his window.
The storm was even less bad than you initially thought it was. It was mainly just a little rain and a lot of thunder. The sea waves weren’t even as large and imposing as they seemed from your own window. Instead, they were relatively calm. Sunghoon had his journal out, writing down and calculating the storm into it, before he set it aside on his nightstand with his fountain pen.
“The storm should be over soon,” Sunghoon said, looking over to you, “The waves of thunder are getting further and further apart.” His spectacles caught the moonlight briefly before he took them off and sat them on his nightstand next to his journal. “Here, you should get some sleep.”
Sunghoon shifted in the bed and pulled his covers over you, urging you to lay down. Once you did, the two of you laid in silence and in the darkness side by side—besides the flash of lightning here and there that briefly illuminated your bodies. You looked over at him in the dark, watching his silhouette. “Sunghoon, I—”
Your mouth clamped shut. How do you even bring something like ‘cutting someone’s heart out’ up? How do you do it without confirming to yourself and revealing to him that you love him deeply? How would he react to it all? You didn’t want your relationship to change, but this road had to be crossed. You had let him know that your time was limited together—that you only had roughly another two weeks before you’d be seafoam.
How there is no salvation waiting for you at the end of all of this.
You decided that it had to wait another day. One where it wasn’t storming and you could see each other’s faces. Sunghoon deserved that.
“Thank you…” you trailed instead, swallowing the lump in your throat. “For all that you’ve done for me thus far. I can't tell you how much it all means to me.” You felt him shift and though you didn’t physically see his face, you felt the weight of his eyes on you.
In a quiet voice, you added, “How much you mean to me.”
The warmth of his body next to yours was suddenly too much for you. How different everything felt was, once again, overwhelming. It took everything in you not to cry.
“You mean a lot to me, too,” Sunghoon said in the same quiet voice as you. “More than you know.”
His arms reached out towards you and his touch felt like sparks along your body. They wrapped around your body and pulled you closer to him, until your head was resting on his chest and you could hear his quickening heartbeat as his chest rose and fell. It made you want to cry even more. The sea witch was so cruel. How dare she ask this horrid thing of you? You’d rather die than hurt Sunghoon—and at the end of this, you would.
“I'm glad that you came in. I actually can’t sleep that well during storms,” Sunghoon said. You looked up at him and you could almost make out his face. “And your presence is always a welcome one. Makes me feel calmer.”
You smiled to yourself, your face heating. “I think I can help with that…” you trailed. Sunghoon looked down and hummed in question. You continued, “There’s a lullaby my mother used to sing to me as a child when I couldn’t sleep. Maybe it’ll help you too.” You began to hum the start of it softly.
Like magic, Sunghoon felt his body begin to get heavy and his eyes struggled to stay open. He yawned and you stopped humming briefly to giggle before continuing. He pulled you even closer, to the point where you were practically almost on top of him. Sunghoon just couldn’t get over the way you smelled like the sea waves. It reminded him so much of everything he loves.
In no time at all he was drifting into a peaceful sleep. Sunghoon felt like the calm ripples of waves were all around him and next to him was you—the beautiful maiden who had come from the waves, capturing his heart and singing your beautiful lullabies.
Sunghoon was past smitten, was past falling, he was in deep. Deeper than he’s ever been before and the more time he spent with you, the farther down he went willingly. Sunghoon was in love with you, he just needed some way to put his emotions into words and tell you. He needed to find the perfect moment. There was doubt in his mind about you not feeling the same.
The weather had grown colder than usual, especially during the night. When you and Sunghoon weren’t working around the lighthouse, you were both in the house by the fire, talking about nothing and everything. You had just come back inside from relighting the oil lamp at the top of the lighthouse to find Sunghoon waiting for you in the living room. “It’s really cold out there!” you exclaimed with a laugh as you walked towards where he sat at the armchair.
Sunghoon has just come from lighting the fireplace in his bedroom, where you’ve been sleeping ever since that night a week ago when you came in during a storm. Sunghoon extended his hand towards you and you intertwined your fingers with his. He quickly pulled you to him and you fell into his lap with a squeal while he laughed. “Let me warm you up then, my love,” Sunghoon chuckled, pressing warm kisses to your cold cheeks.
The fire in the downstairs hearth was already merely warm embers and it was nearly time for bed. Sunghoon pressed a lasting kiss to your lips, both of your mouths moving in sync before you had to break away for air. You stared into his warm brown eyes with wide eyes, lips just a breath away from each other. Sunghoon’s hand was cupping your cheek and for a moment, it was just the two of you in the whole world. You’d do anything to stay in this moment forever.
You inhaled sharply before kissing him again, and you knew that this time you were about to cross a threshold that you’d never be able to walk across again. It was full of that same passion and want from the first kiss the two of you shared. In the midst of it, you twisted in his lap, hiking up your nightgown and straddling him as your lips worked against each other’s.
Sunghoon’s hands immediately trailed up your thighs and sat along your hips. His breath caught in his throat for a moment and he rested his forehead against yours as he tried to garner it, all the while his eyes hungrily took in every inch of you that he could. Sunghoon shifted a little, his chest rising and falling with vigor. His shaking fingers closed around the fabric at your hips and his eyes fluttered shut before he closed the distance between the two of you again.
It felt like the jar you kept all your love for him began to crack until it finally exploded, letting all the love you held flow freely. It was too much to contain—too powerful to control. There was no stopping it and it only grew more and more. You didn’t think that you wanted to stop it—in fact, you wanted it to flow more. It felt as if there was fire in the pit of your belly, making your skin hot and your head clouded. It was so dizzying, but so exciting at the same time. The river of your love flooded everything until it was only you and Sunghoon that was afloat.
You pulled away from Sunghoon’s lips just enough to speak. “Take me,” you whispered lowly. You saw the way his eyes widened and his grasp on your nightgown moved to his fingers softly digging into the skin at your hips. You didn’t care if he took you right there in the chair you both were sitting in, you needed him with a desire that couldn’t be quelled—a need that you don’t think will ever be fulfilled no matter how much of himself he gave you. It tangled together with all of your other inner desires until he was the core of them all, and you didn’t mind it one bit.
“Please,” you begged Sunghoon before placing your lips back on his with a hot kiss.
Sunghoon moved with urgency, but you could tell that he was conflicted on whether to give you your ask or not. At first, it was with his lips—they moved against yours almost sloppily, like he couldn’t bring himself to even kiss you properly if that meant his lips leaving yours for even a second. It wasn’t until you began to push him further against the soft velvet of the chair and leant his head back that he sat the two of you up so you were no longer leaning back against it at all. It seemed like it took everything in him to rip his lips away from yours, and you felt the coldness on your own when they were gone like a plunge into freezing-cold water. He stood the two of you up and you intertwined your hand with his and led him up the stairs.
When the two of you made it to his room, you let go of his hand as he stoked the fire. You pulled off your white nightgown and let it fall to the floor below. You then crawled onto his bed as you waited, completely naked. The warmth of the flames made your already hot skin feel like it was scorching. The longer you waited for Sunghoon to get the fire going, the more your heart raced and raced and you had to try and calm yourself down.
Sunghoon froze when he saw you on his bed, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. You looked like an angel descended from the heavens just for him and he wondered to himself how he got to be so lucky to witness your beauty like this. He watched as the flickering light bathed you in warm hues and made your hair glitter with all of the pearls strung in it. You smiled at him shyly, your gaze casting down for a moment before looking back up at him. You looked so beautiful that it truly took Sunghoon’s breath away; and it took him a couple shaky inhales to realize he was just standing in the middle of the room and gaping at you.
He wasted no time, stripping off his own clothes before climbing onto his bed and on top of you, his lips latching with yours in a heated kiss. You had barely gotten to look over him yourself before he raised against you a need of a thousand suns, rivaling your own. It made you melt that Sunghoon needed you as much as you needed him.
You moaned against his lips as the tips of his fingers slowly slid down in between the two of you and down to where you needed to feel him the most. It shot tingles along your skin and made the fire in the pit of your belly burn brighter. With his thumb, he rubbed slow circles at the sensitive bud and made your back arch off of the bedsheets. Your breath hitched and you whimpered into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you.
The feeling he provided you was unlike any that you have ever felt before. With just his thumb, Sunghoon gave you a glimpse of Heaven and it made you nervous for when he eventually gave you more. The thought made you slick with arousal and needy for even more. Your hips rose towards his hand on their own and you broke your mouth away from his just so you could try and get any oxygen to your lungs that you could. It was no use—every slow and deliberate motion pushed waves throughout your body and flooded it with a deep craving. You could feel Sunghoon’s smile against the skin at the crook of your neck as his hand continued to work, your body shivering as he pressed gentle kisses against it.
You kissed him again to keep yourself from drowning. Did it always feel like this? You were sure that it didn’t, that only Sunghoon could make you feel like this—bring you to your knees with just a simple motion like it was absolutely nothing. It astonished you and upset you in the same breath how easily Sunghoon pulled emotions from you. You didn’t stand a chance against him, and he was only getting started.
Sunghoon’s thumb then traveled down farther, spreading your arousal between your folds and having you whining. The sound of wetness broke through the crackling of the flame. His warm hands sent electricity through your body and you didn’t know how much more you’d be able to take if he didn’t do something about it. By now, you knew he was teasing you and seeing how far he could bring you with just his hand alone while his other hand grazed along every inch of your skin it could reach. It sneakily rose up your stomach and to your breast while you were distracted by his thumb ghosting across your entrance. Sunghoon’s other thumb then ran along your perked nipple and you nearly jumped. He smiled against your lips cheekily and you knew that it would be up to you to put an end to this torment. You were having no more of it.
You pulled away from his lips, your chest rising and falling heavily as your brows knitted together. “I need you,” you begged in a low voice, it sounded raspy with want and that alone sent Sunghoon ablaze.
Sunghoon then slipped a finger inside of you and you gasped and held onto him tighter. He watched as your face twisted into one of pleasure as he slowly began to pump it in and out of you, savoring the way your body reacted to him and his touch. It smothered every word from your mouth until you were a heap of whimpers and soft moans. When Sunghoon slipped in another finger, curling them at just the right angle to have you melt underneath him, you swear you felt the wave take you under. He held down your hips with his hand that was once at your breast so you couldn’t grind against his hand.
“Does that feel good, darling?” Sunghoon asked you. He knew that it did, the way your moans increased in volume and you sucked his fingers in deeper was confirmation enough. But, he needed to hear you say it. He needed to hear the way your voice sounded at the height of your most vulnerable and pleasurable moment and know that it sounded that way all because of him.
You clawed at his exposed back, supple for the taking, and Sunghoon chuckled. Your voice came out hushed in arousal and breathy. “It feels unlike anything I’ve ever felt before… I need more of it. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
You’ve never felt pleasure like this before and it made you angry that you waited so long with Sunghoon. The way he repeatedly pushed his slender fingers inside you, coating them with your wetness and pressing them against just the right places, made every withering scale and the debilitating pain worth it. As long as you got to be with him, everything was worth it.
Sunghoon pressed open mouthed kisses down your neck and to your breasts, the tips of his dark hair tickling you and sending you into more of a frenzy. His tongue circled your nipple before he pulled away. You were writhing beneath him and soft moans fell more from your lips at the way his fingers moved. They only got louder when Sunghoon would curl them at just the right moment and press them up against your sweet spot.
He watched with a satisfied smile as you tried to press your legs together, a whimpering mess and your body trembling. Sunghoon pushed one of your legs away with his free hand, his fingers splaying across the back of your thigh and keeping it up towards your chest. Soon, he felt your walls clench around his fingers tighter than they did previously before you were covering them in a pretty pearly white. But, Sunghoon wasn’t finished with you just yet. He was determined to make this the best night of your life.
Helping you ride out your high, he brought his lips back down to yours as he slowly pumped his fingers inside you. Your chest rose and fell as you tried to fill your lungs up with oxygen, but you still turned the slow kiss into a deeper one.
Sunghoon trailed his kiss from your lips to along your jaw and down the curve of your neck. His kisses didn’t stop there like you expected them to, though. They circled your breasts and he moved leisurely down the soft skin of your stomach and further still. You held your breath, and Sunghoon’s fervent gaze flicked up to yours. His eyes were blown out and shadowed with desire, and the warm light blanketing him from the fire in the hearth made it even more apparent. Sunghoon pulled his fingers from out of you, much to your dismay, and pushed your other leg up to chest as well. Your release still coating his fingers shined in the firelight and spilling out of you.
You jolted when Sunghoon kissed down to your sensitive clit, despite his touch being as soft and gentle as a feather. He didn’t look away from you, and you rose onto your elbows so you could watch him better. Your brows knitted together and your face twisted with pleasure as he pressed feather-light kisses against your core. Sunghoon's lips were glossy from your release, but that didn’t stop him. He licked them clean, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment as he inhaled deeply, before his tongue darted out taste more. You gasped and grasped at his bedsheets.
He licked a thick, wet stripe up your core and licked his lips again before diving into you like a man who was starved most of his life. Sunghoon's eyes left yours and closed completely. He didn’t spare a single inch of your glistening folds, and if it hadn’t been for his firm hands keeping your thighs at your chest you would’ve crushed his head with them because of it. Sunghoon hummed in satisfaction and your elbows gave out weakly. He chuckled, his gaze flicking up to you for a moment, and your back arched completely off of the bed. “Oh my,” you moaned, words dying immediately when Sunghoon started to suck on your sensitive bud. You felt like you had to scream and your fingernails digging into the sheets wasn’t enough.
“I can’t…” you trailed through a broken whine, your back arching more in a futile attempt to bring Sunghoon's mouth even closer. Shallow moans pushed through your lips as he continued to devour you. There was one thing that you knew for sure as your body reached a high sensitivity that you thought was impossible—Sunghoon was absolute heaven, but his mouth and his fingers were complete hell.
Right before you were about to unravel again completely, Sunghoon suddenly stopped. You didn’t realize your eyes were squeezed shut until they flew open and looked down at him confused. “Wha-What?” you breathed.
Sunghoon kissed up your body—this time with longer distances between them—and left wet kiss marks behind him against your skin. He captured your lips with his and you tasted your sweetness on his tongue. You pulled him so close to you that your lips could barely move against his—and it still wasn’t close enough. His cock dragged across right where you needed him and you moaned into his mouth. Your arms unwrapped themselves from around his neck and dragged down his chest to the soft ridges at his abdomen that tightened with your touch. Sunghoon's breath caught in his throat and you watched the way his brows furrowed in barely concealed need before he tried to collect himself.
“Are you ready, baby?” Sunghoon asked you in a soft voice, breaking away from your lips. You nodded eagerly. You were more than ready.
You leaned forward more and reached your hand out to touch him, more curious really than anything. Your fingers trailed along his fat cockhead and down his length before you wrapped them around it completely. Sunghoon swayed, and you could tell that your simple touch alone was enough to send him reeling. This time, it was you who took satisfaction in the other’s pleasure and the corners of your mouth rose. Slowly, you pulled your hand up while gripping firmly. Sunghoon's fingers dug into the plush skin of your thighs and he breathed rigorously when you pushed your hand back down. When you did, you noticed that you dragged wetness back down his cock with you. It made your smile grow more.
Sunghoon crept a hand up your stomach and gently pushed you back down to the bed. you held onto him for as long as you could and when your hand closed around his tip, Sunghoon let out a low moan. Ever so slightly, you felt the way his hand trembled. Without him saying a single word, you could hear his voice at your ear. “Tonight is about you, not me.”
Sunghoon lined himself up with your entrance and dragged the tip of his cock through your folds and coated his tip with your arousal. Slowly, agonizingly, he slid into you inch by inch. You gasped loudly at the feeling of his cock stretching you out so deliciously and the feeling of being so full, so completely enraptured by him. Once he was fully inside of you, he leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. As your lips moved in sync with his, you wrapped your legs around his hips to bring him closer to you.
Sunghoon started to rut his hips forward, repeatedly pushing himself inside of you. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning at how good you felt around him, at how beautiful you looked underneath him with your pretty moans and your face full of blissful pleasure. It started to upset him a little that the fire would eventually go out and the two of you would have to stop and return to your daily life.
The two of you tried to pull each other impossibly closer. It was an eager war between you both that would have no winner no matter how hard the two of you tried—you wanted each other too much. You were sure that the only way you’d both find any semblance of satisfaction is if you both were to claw at each other’s skin and climb inside of it. You were both desperate for each other’s touch and no matter how close you were, it was never close enough.
You pulled away from Sunghoon’s lips after fighting the urge to breathe for too long, still not used to the feeling of having to battle for air, and buried your face in his neck. He pressed chaste kisses to your shoulder as your bodies moved in motion. It was like two waves colliding over and over again.
Your body felt hot and its temperature only grew and grew. Each time you touched Sunghoon, it felt like you were touching the surface of the sun. A loud drumming rang in your ears, just below the sound of you and Sunghoon’s moans, and it took you a moment to realize that it was a heartbeat. Only, you weren’t sure if it was yours or not. When you touched Sunghoon, you swear you could feel the thumping of his heart beneath his skin and how it rang in time with yours. Perhaps, both of your hearts had fallen in sync with each other—at least, just for the moment where the two of you shared everything. From your body to his, the two of you were finally one.
Sunghoon's thrusts picked up pace and it made your head spin. the pressure from the previous build-up crashed into you and full force and you felt your body lock up. Your chest pressed into Sunghoon’s as your back arched more off of the bed and your head dug into the pillow underneath your head. Sunghoon didn’t stop, his hips continued to hit off of yours and it added the sound of skin slapping against each other to the stunning symphony the two of you were creating. Jaw falling slack, waves of pretty moans swam up from your throat and filled Sunghoon’s ears.
He fell completely entranced, somehow even more than he already was by you. It was like you lit the lamp inside of his head and the sudden flood of light that illuminated everything was you. You were everything.
Sunghoon felt his abdomen tense and he knew he had to reel himself back, but he couldn’t. It felt like an unearthly task with you under him like this. How could he deny himself of this—deny you of this? It would be almost inhumane, he thinks. Your body pulled him in like he was caught in a deadly current and your legs tightened around his hips like the trap he willingly walked in to set it off and it was perfect. You are perfect. Sunghoon could barely move now, but that didn’t matter to either of you with the way you wrapped around each other.
Inside of you, you felt the rope of pleasure start to fray and begin to snap. You whimpered, breathing heavily as you looked up at Sunghoon and the thin sheen of sweat that made him glow even more. “Please,” you begged him, whining as your back arched off the bed again and your hips pathetically tried to lift towards his. “Please.”
Your head felt too clouded and it took all your effort to even say that simple word. You were so close, so-so close to seeing heaven again—this time the full thing in its divine glory. Your body never felt like this before, tingly all over and on fire. It was such a stark contrast to how it felt when you were a mermaid. Did humans always feel like this, or was this purely from Sunghoon’s actions? Your eyes opened and when you only saw Sunghoon, his face of pure bliss and his body shining and bathed in warm hues, you knew that this was the divinity you were seeking.
You weakly sat up, wrapping your arms around Sunghoon’s neck for leverage. The two of you breathed heavily in tandem, and you didn’t need to speak for Sunghoon to know what you intended to do. He leaned back on his knees and splayed his hands across your hips. A desperate need overtook your senses as you rocked your hips against his in time with the way he pushed into you and the both of you moaned at the new sudden feeling. Sunghoon leaned his forehead against yours and delighted you in the feeling of him unraveling and trying desperately to stay sane. He was losing.
“You feel so good,” Sunghoon murmured, his lips ghosting over yours. “So perfect.”
He sloppily smashed his lips against yours, too eager to kiss you properly with how good you were making each other feel. It felt like your bodies were made for each other—like the two of you were made for each other.
Soon, the rope completely snapped and you moaned loudly against his lips, body shaking as your movement halted. More whines and moans fell from your parted lips as Sunghoon kept moving your hips. You held him tightly, scared that if you were to let go you would fall apart completely or that he would get caught up in the wind from the ocean and wear away.
It wasn’t long after that you felt warmness spill inside you. Sunghoon stilled, his head falling into the crook of your neck and his breathing coming out haggard. Soft moans emitted from him and for a moment the two of you caught your breaths in blissful silence.
Once you felt like you weren’t in the clouds, a shy giggle escaped you. Sunghoon looked up from your neck, an amused smile on his face. “What?” he asked, bringing his hand up to cradle your cheek. You shook your head as you giggled more, kissing him briefly. You intertwined your hand with his other.
“That was heavenly,” you smiled, your face completely hot. Sunghoon’s thumb caressed the warm skin of your cheek before his hand trailed down to catch hold of your chin. He kissed you again with a grin. “Is it always like that?” you wondered.
Sunghoon laughed, shaking his head a little. “Not in my experience—no. Nothing close to that,” he replied. “You’re just special.”
A sheepish smile tugged at your face and you looked away from his gaze. Sunghoon pressed a kiss to your jaw and you giggled more as he pressed another to you until you turned to look at him again. “Come on,” he murmured against your skin, “Lets get you cleaned up, darling.”
After the two of you were cleaned up, you laid together on his bed beneath the covers still bare, the dwindling firelight illuminating the two of you. Your back was to Sunghoon's chest and he trailed the tips of his fingers along your shoulder and arm, sometimes softly kissing them.
You turned to face him and he fondly smiled down at you, causing his expression to mirror on your own face. He leaned down to kiss you. “My pearl,” Sunghoon whispered affectionately before kissing you again.
The next day, the air around you and Sunghoon was charged. No longer were the touches fleeting nor the two of you shared longing glances. Everything was practically out in the open now, one of you just had to bridge the gap completely.
A deep rooted sensation bubbled inside you and you could only describe it as fear. You had to tell Sunghoon about the sea witch’s deal, and you had to do it today. You were running out of time—with only a week left—and it couldn’t be put off any longer. You couldn’t live in this fantasy you’ve put yourself in any longer.
It made the fear in the pit of your stomach worse when you noticed how Sunghoon looked at you—how he always looked at you. It was full of love and hope and yearning. You could almost see the words forming at the tip of his tongue without him needing to say anything. You noticed how he would take any chance he could to touch you or be in your general vicinity, even if he was supposed to be working on something else around the lighthouse. It was something that he has always done, but now it’s different.
It made you feel guilty that you waited until the last moment to say anything.
Sunghoon couldn’t keep his eyes off of you for the whole day. He kept falling behind in his duties because he was too busy focusing on you. Too focused on the way your dress swayed as you moved, or the way the pearls in your hair glittered in the sunlight, completely free from the up-do that the women of the village wore. Or the way you smiled at him every time you caught him staring—that smile that he would do anything and everything for. Each time your skin brushed against his he was brought back to last night and the heat between the two of you. It made his head spin each time, but he couldn’t stop getting close to you.
The fire lighting the lighthouse was nothing compared to the fire that burned in his heart for you, so blinding that it was the only thing he could make out. You set him alight, made his skin hot and his cheeks rosy. Sunghoon felt like he didn’t even need his thicker, wool clothes with you around him. You made his heart race and race until he was sure it would go jumping out of his chest and into your gentle awaiting hands.
How could he not love you? From the moment he saw you it felt like something clicked into place within himself. Like you were the final piece he’s been waiting for and he was now complete. You completed him.
If you were the lighthouse, Sunghoon was the boats and ships drawn to your light with the excitement of land. For the rest of his days, his soul would desperately call out to yours until you came home to him. He was the moth and you were the flame—and he would gladly get burned by your heat if that meant he could be with you, however brief.
You were the springtime with the promise of pretty, blooming flowers. The sunlight bouncing off the ripples of the sea and the cool air that flowed up from it. You were the shadows that the leaves cast on the ground, the sun that peaked through them, and the calming sound of the remnants of waves hitting the rocks. Sunghoon could shout from the top of the lighthouse everything he adored about you, but by the time he would be anywhere even remotely close to finishing you both would be old and grey, skin wrinkled from all the times you made him laugh and smile.
Today was the day, he had to tell you how he felt. He couldn't keep it locked inside him any longer.
After the two of you finished everything for the day, Sunghoon pulled you inside and away from the chilling winds. He had to calm his heart from its rapid drumming when you giggled and smiled at him, asking what the two of you were doing. When you intertwined your hand with his, he almost spilled his words then and there. Sunghoon sat you on the couch and nervously twiddled his thumbs as he forced the words from his mouth, and once he started he found it even harder to stop.
“I love you,” Sunghoon finally breathed. “I love you so much that it’s too much to contain. It spills out of me like uncontrollable rivers. I could tell you over and over and it still wouldn’t be enough—I love you, I love you, I love you!”
He grasped your hands in his, desperately holding onto them as he stared into your eyes with furrowed brows. Nothing would be able to capture Sunghoon's love for you and it frustrated him to no end, yet, it didn’t stop him from trying. “I love you like the water loves the land. Like the sun loves the moon and all of the stars in the sky,” he finally concluded.
You stared at him with a melancholic look and for a moment Sunghoon thought that he might’ve been mistaken. That he read into you a little too much. But, all his worries were eased when you flung yourself into his arms and into his lap, making him fall back against the couch from the edge. You kissed him so passionately that it took his breath away again, but he was content with the burning in his lungs.
“I love you,” you told him, like you had discovered the secrets to the world and it all lied within him. “You paint all of my skies the most saturated colors of blue like I've never seen before. You’re the air in my lungs and the beating of my heart—oh, I love you so much!”
All Sunghoon could do was laugh joyously as he held you close to him, planting a million and one kisses onto your face as you, too, laughed. He didn't think he’d ever be this happy in his life, and it was all because of you. No longer were his days lonely and grey; they were filled with the most magnificent colors and your presence. He heard your voice in the wind and it swam all the way down to his heart. You were why he woke up in the morning, and the reason why he was so eager to go to sleep. You are everything.
You didn’t realize the tears that began to fall down your face, or how the overwhelming fear in your stomach came to the surface until you got a good look at Sunghoon’s happy face. You inhaled sharply before it was all too much and you broke down completely. At first, Sunghoon thought they were happy tears until he saw the way you violently shook and his smile faltered.
He pulled you to his chest as his hand rubbed comforting circles against your back. “You're crying, my pearl? Why are you sad?” he asked you gently, pulling you away from him so he could see your face.
You shook your head, sniffling and wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I'm happy! I'm so happy for the first time in my life and it’s because of you,” you started. “Only, I'm still that naive girl I was when I first washed up on your shore, because this can’t last…”
Sunghoon's brows drew together further. “What do you mean, my love?”
And so you told him everything. Right from the beginning. About how when you were a mermaid you dreamed of having legs like the landwalkers did, dreamed of walking on land and leading a human life. You told him how you would watch the villagers and then how the lighthouse caught your attention and you saw him from the water for the very first time and knew that he would always have your heart. You told him of the childhood story your father used to tell you of the mermaid who wished for legs and the sea witch who granted it. It was easier to tell him things that he already knew, and you knew you were just procrastinating the truth. But, you really didn’t want to watch the happiness strip off of him when you did.
Finally, you told him about how you sought out said sea witch and found her, making a wish for legs of your very own. About the precedent of the deal and how it required you to cut out the beating heart of the human who you loved the most—him. Then, you told him how you could never go through with it, how you’d rather throw yourself to the sea and become seafoam before ever thinking of hurting him. You should’ve left that very first day for the village when you had the chance. You both never should’ve fallen in love with each other, now you both are in danger.
Sunghoon sat quietly with a slight look of horror as you spoke, intently listening to every word that fell from your mouth. “Don't you see why I told you it was dangerous for us to get closer? Why it’s not safe?” you cried. “And it’s all my fault… I should've insisted that you take me to the village instead of staying. Now we only have a week left before I leave you forever.”
Another moment passed as you cried and cried and Sunghoon held you as tightly as he could, fearful that you’d crumble completely in his arms. He struggled to wrap his mind around the whole thing—around the fact that your time together was limited. He didn’t want to believe it. A part of him hoped that this was all just a test of true love from the sea witch. That she’d come up from the waves and grant you the life that you deserved fully and then you and him would run off into your new lives together, hand in hand. But, Sunghoon knew deep down that that wasn’t the case. This was it. This was the only time you both had left together. It wasn't fair—yet, if given the chance, he’d do it all again with you.
Sunghoon couldn’t bear living without you, that was the only stable thought in his mind.
It was so cruel. Sunghoon desperately needed more time with you. The two of you were supposed to have the rest of your lives together and now everything was cut so short. How was he supposed to go on after this without you? Sunghoon took your face in his hands and gently wiped away your tears with the pads of his thumbs. It broke his heart to see you so sad, so… defeated. All Sunghoon wanted to see was your beautiful smile again. To make you laugh and tell you to let all of your worries wash away—but he couldn’t.
“Why did you think I'd let you sacrifice yourself for me?” Sunghoon asked. As if he’d let you do such a ridiculous thing. He would rather carve out his heart himself and throw it to the sea if it meant you could keep the life you dreamed of.
You threw his words back at him. “Why did you think I'd let you sacrifice yourself for me? It’s not a life if you aren’t in it.”
“Because my heart already beats for you.” Sunghoon said it like it was the simplest thing ever. You shook your head at his words but Sunghoon just nodded. “It does. And I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted, even if it’s at the cost of my own life.”
“No…” you shook your head as more tears fell from your watery eyes. “No,” you stated more firmly. “This life means nothing to me without you. I'm not giving her your heart and neither are you. It'll be hard when I'm gone, but it will get easier with time. We just have to make the most of the week we have left.”
Sunghoon just tilted his head at you and shook his head as tears of his own fell from his eyes. It wouldn't get easier, and no matter how close he held you, it wouldn’t be close enough. He pressed his lips to yours, a slow and wanting kiss, as he tried to beg Time to show the two of you mercy.
In the days leading towards the end of the month you were given, you and Sunghoon spent every waking moment together. Duties were cast aside to only its bare bones and deemed unimportant. You spent time leaving little pieces of yourself on the tiny island. You had taken some of the pearls from your hair and sewn them onto the hat that Sunghoon always wore; he even let you weave some of them into the strands of his hair.
He had asked what you were doing, and when you told him you saw his heart break.
The two of you had walked down to the dock and you stripped down to the last layer of the clothes you wore as he watched you. You haven’t really touched the ocean since you washed up on the shore from it. A part of you was terrified that if you did your tail would grow back or the sea witch would scoop you up again. So each time you and Sunghoon walked along the beach at sunset, you had always skirted around the water and stayed in the sand instead. But, this was more important than that. You just hoped that swimming as a human wasn’t that difficult and it came easily to you.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, my pearl?” Sunghoon asked you as he held your clothes in his arms. The coming summer sun beat down on him, and you finally understood why his eyes sparkled each time he looked at you. The pearls sewn on his hat and twisted between his dark strands of hair made him look ethereal. Even more beautiful than he already was. It made you wonder if there was a version of the two of you somewhere where he sacrificed his legs for a tail instead.
Your own pearls in your hair had dwindled significantly since you gave the majority of yours to him. There was one pearl, though, that you didn’t own. One that you needed to give to him before you left.
“Not exactly,” you said, “But it’s important.”
You sat down on the edge of the dock and dipped your feet into the water to test them. Even though your back was turned to him, you could feel how Sunghoon held his breath along with you. There was silence between the two of you, and after a moment of absolutely nothing, you looked back at him with a grin. As soon as you smiled at him, Sunghoon's whole face lit up. You turned back to the water and slid in.
Your head went beneath the surface and you were expecting to be able to breathe until you remembered that you weren’t a mermaid anymore. This was going to be a lot more difficult than you were initially expecting it to be, but you were determined. When you surfaced again, you gasped out for air and squeezed your eyes shut from the sunlight shining directly in them. When you opened them again, Sunghoon was at the very edge of the dock—your clothes strewn to the side—looking worriedly at you. His mouth opened to speak, but you beat him to it.
“I’m okay, I'm okay. Don't worry, my love.” you beamed up at him as you swam to the dock and held on to the edge. Oh, how you missed the salty water against your skin. “I’m gonna dive down now, but don’t worry about me, okay?”
Sunghoon smiled at you. “I'll never not worry about you.”
You laughed a little before pushing up on the dock a little so you could bring your lips to his for a chaste kiss. When you moved to turn, Sunghoon called out your name and you turned back to him in question. He gently took your face in his hands and kissed you hard. If you weren’t already above the surface, you would’ve thought that you were drowning—and you would’ve sunk down to the depths happily. You smiled against his lips and the two of you kissed until heat spread throughout your faces and you were forced to pull away.
“I love you, my pearl.” Sunghoon kissed the corner of your mouth.
“I’ll be back!” you exclaimed through a laugh. That didn’t matter to Sunghoon, though. He just needed to remind you of it—needed to hear you say it again.
“I know,” Sunghoon says. “I still love you.”
You smiled at him, bigger and brighter than before. “I love you.”
Sinking back down into the water, you began swimming down to the bottom of the ocean floor. It was a bit awkward at first, but the water was like second nature to you and you quickly got the hang of it. You weren’t sure if you would have enough breath to find the pearl that you were looking for, but you’d try and try again until you did.
And you did try. A few times you had to resurface for air and when you did, you found that you were in a different place completely and Sunghoon was just a speck along the horizon still waiting on the dock for you. You worked as quickly as you could with the timer hanging above you. You didn’t want to spend too much time in the water and away from him.
You nearly cried tears of joy when you tickled the oyster and coaxed it open. There it was, the beautiful black set of pearls that you were looking for. They reminded you of the time you snuck to the surface and saw an array of colors against the nighttime sky. It was an alluring light show that you still can’t believe you managed to witness.
It also made you remember the time your father had shown you pearls like these. They were his and your mother’s—a symbol of the purest and eternal love between two people, your father had said. He told you of how one day, you and another would exchange them on the day you were to be wed and the pearl would be the foremost adornment with all of the other pearls in your hair. You held the memory fondly, even if that life was miles away now. You began to wonder what your people thought of your disappearance, but you thought better of it. There was no use making yourself sad when this was supposed to be a happy occasion.
You swam back as fast as you could to Sunghoon, with the sun still hanging high in the sky.
When you surfaced at the dock again, you nearly scared Sunghoon out of his skin. His eyes were scanning the water and when they landed on you suddenly in front of him, he nearly fell into it. You giggled at him and he helped you up onto the dock, immediately shedding off his thin jacket to place over your shoulders. “Did you find what you were looking for?” Sunghoon asked, and you nodded ecstatically.
You took his hand and pulled him away from the sea while Sunghoon tried not to focus on the way the white cotton fabric stuck to your skin and became almost translucent. When you were in the sand again, you turned to him and held open the hand that clutched the black pearls for him to see. Sunghoon's eyes widened, and he looked down at them before quickly looking back up at you. You nodded at him, and he took one of the pearls between two of his fingers to examine it.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Sunghoon breathed as he held it up to the sunlight. He then smiles ear to ear and turns towards you. “It's almost as beautiful as you are, my darling.”
You shyly look away from him, heat creeping across your wet cheeks and your heart fluttering. “Under the sea,” you started, catching his loving stare, “a pearl like this is very special. Typically, you only receive one like it on your wedding day. It's a symbol of how your love for your partner is pure and eternal. You tie it in each other’s hair and it’s the one pearl that you never unweave.” Your eyes widened a little as the sudden implication hit you, and you opened your mouth to explain more to Sunghoon but he was already taking your hair between his fingers.
You looked at him from between your lashes as you watched him weave the black pearl into your hair. His brows were knitted together with his focus and you could feel his breath fan across your cheeks from how close he was to you. When he was finished, he held the hair with the black pearl weaved into it in his hand and smiled.
“There we go,” Sunghoon spoke softly, his voice just above a whisper. “Your turn.”
An enamored smile slowly spread across your face and you took a bit of his dark hair and began to weave the black pearl into it. Sunghoon watched you the entire time, his eyes full of so much love that it looked like it was going to spill from his stare at any moment. It felt like a warm and comforting blanket around you, and you didn’t know what you were going to do without it. After you were done, you took a moment to admire him and you could tell he was doing the same to you. You tried your hardest to commit every aspect of him to memory.
You reached your hand up and gingerly touched the black pearl in his hair with a smile. You then delicately touched his pale skin and trailed the tips of your fingers along the moles that prettied it. There was a pang in your chest and your heart began to ache. You were going to miss him.
“It reminds me of your scales—the pearl,” said Sunghoon after a while. You caught his gaze, shock written all throughout your expression. “They're more blue, but they have the same reflection the pearl has.”
In that moment, a desire hidden deep within you—so deep that you didn’t know it even existed—bubbled up to the surface and jumped out of your body. Tears sprang to your eyes and Sunghoon cradled your cheek with his hand, his brows furrowed. Never in your life have you felt seen like Sunghoon makes you feel seen. He took both sides of you—the mermaid and the newfound human—and held them both close to his soul like they were one. He loved you no matter the change.
You couldn’t even begin to express to him how you were feeling, you could barely even get your words out. All you could manage to choke out was: “You’ve seen them?”
The two of you turned to where you had washed up almost a month ago now. The scales that were once a part of your tail are long gone, swept back into the sea with the storm where they belonged to never be seen by you again. You had checked for them, but you were already too late. Sunghoon nodded, looking to you. “I had meant to ask you about them when you first woke up that day, but it completely slipped my mind. I kept some of them.”
Tears slid down your cheeks and he wiped them for you before leading you back to the house. When the two of you got there, Sunghoon dug around in his heavy coats for the one he wore that night before pulling it out. He then dug in the pockets before pulling his hand out. Sunghoon outstretched his hand to you, a couple of your shifting blue scales in his palm. You gasped and covered your mouth with your hands before reaching out for them. Your hand hovered above his before you drew it back. Instead, you closed Sunghoon's hand around them again.
“Keep them close to your heart,” you said, wiping your tears as you smiled happily at him. “A mermaid’s scale will bring you good luck.”
“Are you sure you don’t want them, my pearl?” he asked, and you shook your head. You had no use for them, and he needed them more than you did. If they would keep him safe and bring him good fortune, then that’s all you could ask for.
Sunghoon carefully placed them in the pocket of his cotton shirt under his waistcoat and it reminded you that you were practically naked in human terms. Your chemise was still damp and clung to your skin. You looked down at your clothes. “Oh,” you sheepishly chuckled. Sunghoon's eyes locked onto you and you could tell it’s been plaguing his mind this entire time. Your gaze flicked back up to him and you noticed how blown out his eyes were. You sheepishly chuckled more.
Grinning, Sunghoon took a step forward and wrapped his arms around you. “Is that all you have to say?” he teased. “‘Oh?’ Nothing else?” You shook your head, giggling, before kissing him. Sunghoon pulled back from you a little and in faux bewilderment, he said, “No? Nothing at all?” He brought his lips back to yours, muffling more of your giggles. He then backed you up towards where the hallway was as his fingers gripped at your wet chemise. Sunghoon went to pull it up, but you pushed it back down and hummed against his lips.
Breaking from his lips, you smirked at him before taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.
A storm had begun to brew along the horizon of the sea that left everything dark and cloudy. You knew that the storm was for you—for him, and it saddened you deeply. It also filled you with a grim determination. The sea witch wouldn’t have Sunghoon’s heart. You would die making sure that was true.
It felt as if all hope was lost. Like a blanket of complete darkness covered the two of you and you walked lost through it. The rest of the week was spent as if you both were mourning each other, and you were. Sunghoon just couldn’t believe that this would be the last time he would ever see you again—he refused to believe it. It hurt too much.
He ensured that he had as much physical attachments of you two together as possible, even going so far to hire a photographer and have your pictures taken. At night, he could hear you weeping and he couldn’t do anything to comfort you except hold you. It wasn't enough for either of you. How could the two of you possibly pretend to be happy when you both knew that the end was near? That the two of you were doomed from the very start?
It was like ice replaced all the warmth inside him and froze him down to the marrow in his bones. The only spark inside him was his undying love for you and you for him. Besides his limited time with you, it was the only thing that was keeping him going. Just getting a glimpse of your face, whether if it was next to him or from one of the pictures he had framed of the two of you, meant the world to him.
It felt strange to feel such deep and heartbreaking, mournful sorrow over someone who was still living. Like his one true love was already taken from him.
How would Sunghoon live on once you were gone? Everywhere he goes he would search for you, whether that be beneath the empty covers of his bed or between the flickering light of the lighthouse. Would he see someone at the village and think that it was you, only for them to turn and he’d see that it wasn’t? Would he see the glittering sunlight along the water and think that it was the pearls in your hair—that you’ve returned home to him? He couldn’t bear it all.
But, he couldn’t do anything to stop it. The final day was here and the storm that was previously brewing in the horizon raged on, demanding to be felt—demanding the heart it came for. Unease sunk deep into Sunghoon, and as you both watched the storm and harsh winds from the window he held you close.
“Please,” Sunghoon begged, voice hoarse, barely above a whisper and half-muffled from his face buried in your hair, “Please, don’t do this. We can figure out another way, just… just don’t go.”
Sunghoon had been crying all night and the storm didn’t help one bit. Even your lullaby only barely managed to make him fall asleep. He didn't want to miss a single precious second with you by sleeping. He had the rest of his life without you to sleep. He’d sleep when he throws himself to the sea years from now and beg the water to bury him next to you. Now wasn’t the time for it.
“It’s too late, my love,” you said somberly. You shifted to face him, tears welling in your eyes. “There's no other option. I have to do this. It's the only way… You’re the land and I'm the sea—we only touch for a brief moment.”
You pressed your lips to Sunghoon’s firmly, letting all your passion and love for him seep through it. No matter how much your lungs ached and your head pounded, you both didn’t break away. If it was going to be your last kiss, it would be one you’ll both remember forever.
Only when you felt like you were about to pass out did you gently pull away from him. A strike of lightning followed by a vicious roar of thunder sounded. “It is time,” you whispered, tears slipping down your cheeks.
You stood from the couch, forcing yourself to break away from Sunghoon and the life you cherished so deeply. You bent down to give him one last hug. “I love you, forever,” you said, “And I'll miss you for even longer.”
“I love you,” Sunghoon said, his voice breaking into a cry as tears slid down his face. “I miss you.” With bated breath, Sunghoon looked up at you through his tears, "I'm sorry.”
You shook your head at Sunghoon as you stood to your full height, your hand fell from his face as you wiped away his tears. You inhaled sharply and you got one last look at Sunghoon, one last look at him to burn into your mind before you turned to seafoam.
You took in every inch of him, down to the hat with your pearls sewn onto it discarded at his feet and the pearls woven into his dark hair as he ran his hands through it. You focused for a moment on the black pearl in his hair that you both shared and you hoped that when he looked at it too he would remember how much you love him. Sunghoon was so drastically different from when you first met him, yet, completely the same all at once. It broke your heart into a million pieces to see him this way and have it be all because of you.
Inhaling deeply, you turned your back to him before he could convince you to stay. Your hand lingered near the door and you turned back to him one last time. “Goodbye, my love, my Sunghoon.”
With your last goodbye, you opened the door and faced the storm.
There was no use in delaying the inevitable. You stomped towards the water, stripping off your clothes and your last shred of humanity. Anger permeated you, hot like the flame of the flickering lighthouse.
It was so unfair. It was so unfair that you couldn’t have the one thing you’ve ever wished for. But you guess that it was no easy wish going against nature. A thing belonging to the sea cannot step onto the land without consequences—and here you were, facing them. Walking headfirst back to the sea—to your own death—like one would if they had pockets full of stones.
You barely got to your knees in the water before red-hot pain spread throughout your legs, the same pain that you felt when they formed from your tail. Soon after you were falling to the water, your deep blue, color shifting tail emerging from behind you. You dived underwater, thankful for once that mermaids couldn’t cry.
You began to swim further out into the sea, watching as more and more of your body transformed back to its original state. The entire time you thought of the sea witch, of how you hated her and her cruelness. She did this to you—she let you dream of hope only to turn the lights back out. You never should’ve made that bargain. Maybe then you and Sunghoon could still be together. He'd wait at the dock for you and you’d wait at the shore for him, and it would be enough.
Above you, you saw the water ripple like something was dropped in. You wouldn’t have thought anything of it if not for the feeling against your tail. You stopped swimming and twisted to look behind you. Shock filled you and your eyes widened. Sunghoon swam towards you, clothes flowing in the water as he got closer.
No. What was he doing here? Doesn't he know how dangerous it is for him to be in the sea at this moment? You wanted to lecture him, scream at him—but, all that filled you was the immense love you have for him.
Sunghoon reached out his hands toward your face and gently grabbed your cheeks. He swam forward and placed his lips onto yours. You should’ve known that he wouldn’t let you go alone, that he would be there with you until the very end—even if you told him over and over that it would only make the pain worse.
You pulled away and let yourself smile at him one last time—for the first time as what you truly were. That smile quickly faltered when you saw all the red start to seep out from around the two of you, the feeling of something hard puncturing your chest.
Looking down, you gasped and bubbles of air floated towards the surface. Lodged in Sunghoon's chest was a knife with blood rapidly coming from it. You shook your head at him, brows knitting together in anguish, and Sunghoon just nodded.
You refused to let him do this—to let him die. To let him die for you. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be you, not him. You were supposed to be the sacrifice.
You linked your arms under his and swam as fast as you could to the shore, bringing Sunghoon towards the surface and fighting against the harsh waves. Every second felt like a grain of sand in an hourglass, and you didn’t have much sand left. You now know what he meant when Sunghoon said “I'm sorry.”
Sunghoon didn’t have much time, you knew that from the way he began to cough violently. You dragged him as far up on the shore and as far away from the water as you possibly could with the hindrance of your tail. You made sure not even the waves lapped up to the two of you. The sea witch wouldn’t have him, you will die making sure of it.
You started screaming for help until your voice was hoarse, but it was no use against the whipping winds of the storm. Nobody would hear you on this tiny island away from the village anyway. “Why?” you asked him, your voice breaking as tears fell from your face, “Why would you do this? The sea doesn’t deserve a heart like yours.”
Sunghoon grabbed your hands and brought them to the hilt of the blade in his chest. “Take it… It’s yours. It will always be yours,” he said hoarsely. Blood spilled past his lips and you cried harder. “Go, be free. Walk on land and live the life you’ve always wanted. Be human.”
He violently coughed more and more blood coated his lips.
“It's not a life I want if it isn’t with you,” you cried, removing your hands from the hilt and pressing them to his wound. Your hands were stained but the blood wouldn’t stop.
Sunghoon took your hands in his, “It’s not a world I want to live in if you’re not by my side, my pearl.”
With the last of his strength, Sunghoon wrapped his hands around the hilt and harshly pulled the blade from his chest. You cried out as more blood gushed from the wound and stained his shirt red. “No, no, no!” You sobbed louder with each word.
“Kiss.. me… One last time?” Sunghoon heaved in question. His eyes started to close but he fought to keep them open—he wouldn’t waste any more precious seconds. You couldn’t believe that it was all ending like this—that it all could come to this. You stupid, halfwitted, naive little guppy. How dare you dream of a life you could never have?
You sniffled and nodded. You didn’t care that his blood would be on your lips, you bent down to press yours to his anyway. As they moved in sync you could feel the life draining from him and you pulled away, letting him get as much oxygen as he possibly can. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
Sunghoon smiled up at you and it was the last glimmer of light in the darkness as the rain poured down around the two of you. He cupped your face gently, his hand trembling. “My pearl…” he whispered, "I love you so much. I love you, forever.”
With those last words, Sunghoon's eyes closed and his hand fell from your face and into the wet sand below.
You looked down at him with wide, watery eyes. A loud sob ripped through you and you cried until your chest felt like exploding and you could barely see from the burning tears. You raised a shaky hand and placed it softly on Sunghoon’s chest where his heart resided. It no longer beat. He was gone, truly… gone.
You took the knife laying limply in his other hand and threw it as far away from the two of you as you could. You then laid your head on his chest like you did all those nights ago in the bed you shared, only, it wasn’t the same.
Sunghoon was gone. His warm body was now growing cold and his beating heart had stilled. All that was left was you—and soon, even you would cease to exist.
You felt tingling in your tail, little stabbing pains that would hurt if you didn’t feel so numb right now. You knew that you were withering away—turning into seafoam like the sea witch promised with only your bones and your heart to leave behind so she could collect it. You welcomed it, for you had nothing left.
Let her take your heart, so long as she doesn’t touch his.
Softly, you began to hum the lullaby your mother used to sing to you as a child. You hoped that it would aid Sunghoon on his journey beyond, that the storm would no longer make him anxious and instead he felt calm. That it would gently lull him to where he needed to be.
More tears slid down your wet cheeks from the lack of sound in his chest. How it didn’t rise and fall with his breathing. But, you continued humming.
The fin of your tail started to turn first. Seafoam overtook it and fell away into the sand in a pool of foamy white and bone. You closed your eyes as it spread further and further up your body. You hummed until you physically couldn’t anymore—until your entire body was seafoam and so were your lips. Until you were nothing but a beating heart against Sunghoon’s still chest.
The storm began to melt away, the dark clouds very slowly rolling back towards the magic that casted them and the rain traveling upwards towards them. It is unknown how long the remnants of your bodies laid in the wet sand, curled into each other.
There was no telling where Sunghoon ended and you began.
Deep down below at the sea floor there is a rumbling. A loud, angry scream follows and it is said it can be heard for miles. The sea witch tries with all her might, but her waters are just too far away from where the two lovers lie. She is unable to take their hearts, for they are their own—they belong to each other and no one else. And soon after, your heart turns to seafoam too. The two of you, at once, were at home with each other.
While the law searches the tiny island to figure out what came of the lighthouse keeper, they find a picture of a woman with pearls in her hair—similar to the pearls found in the lighthouse keeper’s hair—and shifting blue scales. The picture and the scales were hidden in a pocket close to his chest and free from any blood. The woman was never found and the villagers have no recollection of her—despite the various photographs around the lighthouse keeper’s small home.
Through the breaking light of the dawn, it is said you can see two souls turn to one.
✉️ ⦂ hey…. hey… i just want to say first and foremost and i am so unbelievably sorry for the pain i just put you all through LMAO <//3 can everyone make some noise for #realyearners tho?!?!?!!? btw, if any of you wanted to see all the changes / additions i made to the rework, then here is the original version! ♡ AND THANK YOU SO SO SOOO MUCH TO @yingelics FOR THE ABSOLUTELYYYYYY BEAUTIFUL DIVIDER ABOVE AAAA!!! (づ ￣ ³￣)づ♡♡♡♡♡
YOUR TURN — 1. A phrase used in a gangbang to tell the next person waiting that it’s time for them to step in and get involved.
2. A slut’s opportunity—the moment when it is finally her chance to act, indulge, and surrender herself after others have already taken theirs. The phrase emphasizes delayed gratification, where the receiver eagerly awaits her turn to be used or to participate after hearing others go before her.
content tags/warnings: hyung line x reader, reader is horny and desperate, men are assholes, inspired by the show series euphoria. explicit content (smut): porn with no plot at all, gangbang, face fucking, facials, nipple play, fingering, oral fixation, unprotected sex, degrading language, pet names (baby, sweetheart, darling etc), double penetration, protected anal sex, slapping, hentai like expressions, handjob, overstimulation, tits fucking, squirting, lack of verbal consent in some scenes, choking, pain play, creampie, this is straight up porn but have a potential romance at the end. lmk if i missed something. WC: 17.2K
It wasn't like you were some kind of slut, right?
Who were you kidding? Any girl with a working pussy would drool if she stood close enough to those four men. Not just because of their looks, not just because of the sharp edges of their jawlines or the way their eyes seemed to strip people down without touching them, but because how they confidently carried themselves. Their scent. That mix of cologne and sweat that made your throat dry the second they passed by. It wasn't normal, not the way your body reacted. Not the way your thighs pressed together when you thought of them. But you kept telling yourself it was. It had to be.
Lee Heeseung, Park Jongseong, Sim Jaeyun, and Park Sunghoon.
Four names that rang louder than any lecture in your university halls. Four names whispered in bathrooms, shouted across freedom walls, written down in anonymous confessions like some fucking campus legends. Everyone knew them. Everyone wanted them. And everyone, at least once, wondered what it would be like to be touched by them.
People pretended to sneer at their lives, at the rumors tied around them, but the truth always leaked through—envy, hunger, the kind of desperate need nobody wanted to admit out loud. Because deep down, every damn rumor about them only made them more untouchable, more godlike.
And then there was that one rumor. The one that tore through the university like wildfire.
The gangbang story.
The most scandalous, dirtiest thing anyone had ever whispered, and yet nobody could stop talking about it.
Nobody could prove it. Nobody knew if it was just a story made up by someone bored, but fuck, if it had been real... if it had been real, then you weren't sure what was worse. The fact that people called it disgusting or the fact that it made your whole body clench with jealousy.
How fucking scandalous. How fucking disgusting.
And how fucking pathetic that every time you thought about it, your chest got tight, your mouth went dry, and all you could think was: if that rumor had ever been true, if those four had ever taken a girl like that, then why the fuck wasn't it you?
"Someone caught Jake making out with a girl from Tourism!"
"Someone said Sunghoon's been fucking that sophomore from another building!"
"Have you heard that Jay is smoking at the back of the building while the TA sucks him off? Geez, what a lucky girl."
"And that cheerleader said Heeseung likes girls who can spread their legs wide!"
Your hands gripped your pen tighter, knuckles turning pale, jaw clenched as the chatter bled into your ears. Every fucking sentence was the same—different girls, different places, different dirty details—but the same four names, always the same four names. It was exhausting, it was maddening, and it was starting to chew holes into your focus.
"Stop it," you hissed finally, snapping your head up to face the group of girls clustered near the corner. "There are people here who are trying to study. Maybe try doing that instead of running your mouths about men and their sex lives. Do you have no shame?"
The table went quiet, their smirks twitching as they shared quick glances between themselves. One girl rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath, but none of them pushed back. They just leaned back into their seats, whispering low but not low enough, as if they wanted you to hear every giggle, every stifled laugh.
You tried to turn back to your notes, but your pulse wouldn't settle. You're not annoyed that they were gossipping.
You were jealous.
Jealous that every rumor had someone else's name attached to it. Jealous that every filthy story, every detail, every moan that lived in their words belonged to another girl and not to you.
Fuck! It's unfair! It's so unfair! Why was it always someone else? Why did it have to be another girl they kissed, another girl they bent over, another girl who got to hear their voices from fucking?
You exhaled sharply through your nose, trying to drown it out, trying to stay steady. But every word of theirs came back to the same thing. Their dicks. Their moans. Their fucking. And all it did was remind you that you hadn't had a single taste of any of it, not even once.
Fuck it. When was it supposed to be your turn?
You tried. God, you fucking tried. You started dragging yourself to every fraternity party you caught wind of, even ones you had no business going to, all in hopes of catching just one of their eyes. You would push through sweaty bodies and strobe lights, pretending to dance, pretending to laugh, only to learn that Jay had already gotten bored and left long before you even stepped in. The disappointment would choke you, but you still kept showing up.
Like some desperate puppy waiting for scraps.
You started waxing everything, every inch of your body, until your skin burned. You bought bottles of expensive perfume you couldn't even afford, ones that clung to your clothes and hair until it made you dizzy. You thought maybe, they liked girls who smelled clean, who looked like they had their shit together, but deep down you knew it didn't matter. Because how would they ever notice when you didn't even have the guts to open your mouth?
"Uh... do you know, like, how to talk to Heeseung?" you asked, trying to keep your voice casual while your eyes betrayed you, glued to the tall figure across the library.
He was sliding books off a shelf, completely unaware of the way your whole body went tense, your throat dry, your palms slick with sweat. Even from a distance you swore you could smell him, that same maddening warmth that clung to him whenever he walked past.
Your friend blinked, eyebrows raised as though she couldn't believe the words had actually come out of your mouth. "About what? You know damn well he doesn't talk to girls in public. People only talk about how he fucks them hard and then disappears. No contact. Nothing. Ever." She scoffed, dismissing it with a wave of her hand, before her gaze sharpened on you. A smirk tugged at her lips and she let out a loud laugh that made your ears burn. "Wait. Don't tell me you're actually planning something. You think you're gonna get him to fuck you?"
Her laughter made your eye twitch. You felt her gaze scan over you, up and down, picking apart everything you were, everything you weren't. She reached over, patting your shoulder in a way that only made you feel smaller.
"It's okay to dream big," she said, lips curving into a cruel little smile, "but let me shatter that for you. He would never, okay? Hmm?"
Something in your chest snapped at her words. Anger rose, clinging to your ribs until you thought you'd choke on it. How fucking dare she? How dare she look at you like that, laugh at you like you weren't even worth a second glance? How high did she think of herself, how low did she think of you?
But you swallowed it, burying the sharpness down where no one could see. You curved your lips into a laugh that sounded almost real, almost lighthearted, even though your nails dug into your palm under the table. "Silly you," you said sweetly, tilting your head like it didn't sting, "I was just trying to interview him for sports journalism. Don't get too talkative about fucking, though. It sounds like you're reflecting your own frustrations."
You smiled brighter, watching her expression falter for just a second before she scoffed again and turned back to her notes.
You needed to think. You needed to dig deeper into yourself, to find a way, any way, because you refused to lose. You refused to accept being invisible.
Every single morning became a routine.
You would drag yourself out of bed before the sun even touched the sky, forcing your heavy eyes open as you stood in front of the mirror. You styled your hair until not a single strand was out of place, you layered makeup carefully until your reflection looked like someone worth noticing, and you scrubbed your skin until it stung, until it shone smooth under your fingertips. Your closet was picked apart daily, clothes scattered across your floor, until you found the outfit that made you feel like you could walk down the hall with your head high, like you were worth a second glance.
And every time, when the clock struck the hour you knew they would be walking down the hallway, you stood ready. Shoulders straight, steps measured, chest tight with nerves as you waited for them to pass. You tried to look effortless, confident, perfect. But it shattered you every single time when none of them looked your way. Their eyes stayed forward, their voices low between themselves, their expressions unchanged as if you were nothing more than air. Your hands would grow limp at your sides, your confidence bleeding out of you as you glanced behind your shoulder, mouth parted slightly, helplessly staring at their broad shoulders moving further and further away from you.
The frustration followed you. At night, you laid in bed with their faces behind your eyelids, your thighs pressed together until you couldn't stand it anymore.
You touched yourself with the thought of them, not just one but all four, surrounding you, using you, making you theirs in every filthy way you had imagined. You came undone to fantasies of their hands pulling your hair, their voices groaning against your ear, your body stretched thin for them, and the pleasure left you gasping, sweating, shaking in the dark. Yet as soon as it ended, as soon as your heartbeat slowed, you already hated yourself. Because no matter how hard you wanted it, morning would come again, and the cycle would repeat. You'd wake up early, fix yourself to perfection, pass them in the hallway, and watch them ignore you.
The days blurred into each other, but the whispers always found you. Another rumor spread like fire, another story about them with another girl, and it burned you alive from the inside.
You wanted to scream at how unfair it was, how humiliating it felt that you couldn't stop aching for something you might never get. Sometimes you almost laughed at yourself, at how pathetic you must have looked, stuck between jealousy and desperation, unable to let go.
"Wow, what perfume do you use? You smell so good!" Your classmate's voice cut through your thoughts one day, her hand brushing casually across your arm. "And your lotion too? Your skin feels amazing."
The touch startled you, and the question almost made you snap. "It's just Victoria's Secret," you hissed automatically, jerking your hand slightly to free yourself. But the moment you saw her surprised face, you realized what you had done, and quickly masked it with a sweet smile. "Sorry, I'm in a bad mood, forgive me? It's Velvet Petals. But I exfoliate with Dove first. That's probably why."
Her lips curved into a bright smile, her eyes scanning you with something almost admiring. "It's okay! You look really, really, really pretty, you know? And you're so sweet. I just hope you don't fall into the wrong hands."
The way she said it made your stomach twist. You knew exactly who she was talking about, and the mocking tone in her voice when she mentioned "wrong hands" made it worse. Those fuckboys. That's what they all called them, as if the four of them weren't the most wanted men on campus, as if everyone's mouths didn't water at the thought of being ruined by them.
You held your smile, but inside, the anger returned, pulsing hotter than before. They all thought they were above you. They all thought they could talk about them like that and laugh at you for wanting something they secretly wanted too. They were liars, hypocrites, hiding their hunger under judgment while you carried yours openly in your chest.
You pressed your lips together, leaning closer to her so your words came out soft, almost playful. "Maybe falling into the wrong hands isn't always such a bad thing."
Her eyes widened slightly, confusion flickering across her face as you sat back again, smiling politely like nothing had happened.
But in your head, the thought echoed, louder, heavier, filthier.
If those hands were theirs, you would fall gladly.
The party was dragging, the music pounding but lifeless, the people are drunk but boring. You wondered for the tenth time why you even bothered showing up.
The whole campus had been buzzing about this night, everyone whispering about how it would be wild because they would be here. But the most boring part of it all was exactly that—they weren't.
No sign of the four men everyone was expecting. And for that, you hated yourself a little. You hated that you had wasted another expensive outfit, another spritz of your favorite perfume, another hour in front of the mirror just to sit there and look pretty for nothing.
Your cheek rested lazily against your hand as you swirled the watered-down alcohol in your glass. Your eyes lingered on the girl across the room, perched on the couch, laughing with a group of guys who had crowded her like she was the crown jewel of the night. She looked so damn proud of herself, flipping her hair and soaking up their attention like it was worth something.
You almost felt bad for her—because those men? God, they were fucking ugly. The kind of guys who had nothing going for them except being loud and drunk enough to fill her space. And she was pretty, too pretty for the trash sitting beside her, too wasted to notice she could do better.
You sighed, your eyes dropping back down to your glass, watching the last pieces of ice melt into nothing. Maybe you should leave. Maybe you should give up, call it another wasted night, drag yourself back to bed where you could rot under the covers and imagine what it would feel like if the four men ever actually noticed you.
"Hi."
The single word pierced through the noise around you. Your breath caught, and you nearly threw your glass across the table. Your back went ramrod straight as you turned, your heart slamming against your ribs so hard it hurt. When your eyes landed on the figures behind you, everything inside of you went still before spiraling into chaos.
Jake. Sunghoon.
Two of them. Standing there. Talking. To you.
Your throat closed, your tongue heavy, your thoughts shattering into broken pieces as if the universe had finally played its sick joke on you. What the fuck was happening? Jake and Sunghoon—out of everyone in this crowded room—were standing in front of you, looking at you, waiting for you.
"H-Hi?" The word slipped out, so small, so shaky you almost cringed at yourself.
Jake's smile spread, his gaze running over you like he was unwrapping you with his eyes. He didn't hide the way he lingered on the pink silk dress clinging to your body or the way his eyes glinted when he caught the gems glittering delicately across your skin. The weight of his stare made your thighs press together without you even thinking about it.
"Where's your friends?" He shifted his hands casually into his pockets, flashing a smile. "I organized this party, you know. I almost felt bad seeing you sitting here alone."
You swallowed hard, the words tangling on your tongue. This was the moment you'd been waiting for, the one you had begged for, dreamed of, touched yourself over. And yet, your body betrayed you, trembling as you almost flinched under the weight of their presence.
"M-My friends a-are... uh... there." Your shaky hand lifted, pointing weakly toward the dance floor, and the second you did it you wanted to melt into the floor and disappear.
Sunghoon's low laugh broke the air. He leaned forward slightly, his dark eyes fixed on you as if he could see straight through every flimsy layer of composure you were trying to hold together. "And they exclude you? What bad friends you have."
The closeness of him made your brain dissolve. His perfume, his cologne, the sharp tang of alcohol still lingering on his lips—God, you wanted to taste it, to drown in it. He didn't even touch you, but his nearness was enough to make your body tense, your lips parting before you realized it.
"Want to join us?" Sunghoon asked smoothly.
"W-Where?" you squeaked.
"Well, we can drink outside—" Sunghoon started, but Jake cut him off with a voice that left no room for argument.
"At Heeseung's private room." His tone was steady, certain, his stare locked on you, waiting for your reaction.
For a split second, Sunghoon's eyes widened at Jake's bluntness. You caught the quick glance he shot him, an unspoken message passing between them, before his smirk slid back into place. He didn't need to argue. He didn't need to say a thing. Because the moment the words "Heeseung's private room" left Jake's mouth, your body had already betrayed you.
Your lips trembled, your voice breaking into a whisper. "Yes."
And there it was—the one word that sealed everything.
Jake's smirk deepened, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he tilted his head ever so slightly, studying you like you had just handed yourself over. Sunghoon's grin widened, his teeth flashing as he straightened up, amusement flickering in his gaze.
"Good girl," Jake murmured under his breath.
Your chest tightened, your breath caught, and every ounce of you screamed that this was it. The moment you had been waiting for, the moment you had dreamed of, the moment you could never come back from.
And you didn't fucking care.
The door creaked open and Heeseung froze at the threshold, his tall frame stiffening instantly as his eyes landed on the scene.
Jake had one hand tangled in your hair, his cock buried between your lips, his head thrown back as he groaned through clenched teeth. Sunghoon was draped across your back, his chest pressing heavily against you, his hand pinching and rolling your nipples mercilessly while his lips brushed your skin, leaving icy trails that made you shiver.
Your body was positioned like some offering—hands and knees spread like a cat, ass swaying slightly with every thrust of Jake's hips.
"Seriously?" Heeseung's voice was carrying irritation. He shut the door, though he didn't walk away.
The noise made you whimper, muffled around Jake's cock, the vibration of your moan sending shudders up his spine. Jake gritted his teeth and hissed through a laugh, thrusting harder until the blunt head of his dick slammed against the back of your throat. He held you there with one firm grip in your hair, pushing until your nose bumped against the hard plane of his stomach. Your eyes watered, your chest heaved, but the desperation inside you drowned out every thought of resistance.
It hadn't started like this. At first, it was only drinks, games, laughter and teasing, until Jake leaned forward and suggested body shots. You hadn't even hesitated; the heat of their attention had already melted through you, and Jake had almost laughed at how quickly you had fallen into their hands.
And now, here you were, drooling and choking on his cock while Sunghoon twisted your nipples until your whole body jerked with every pinch.
"Your favorite member is here," Jake taunted, his gaze dropping down to you, then flicking toward the figure standing silently by the door. His smirk widened as he forced another thrust into your mouth. "Bro, she's been asking where the fuck you were. You took so long, she already came in her panties just from Sunghoon teasing her tits."
Heat shot through your face as the humiliation wrapped around you. Tears streamed freely down your cheeks, staining the gems near your eyes, but none of it stopped you from flattening your tongue against the base of his cock, licking every inch you could reach while your throat spasmed around him. The shame twisted into a darker, sharper, more intoxicating feeling than you ever imagined.
This was it. This was the dream. The one you'd fucked yourself to in silence night after night, the one you had burned for. And now you were living it, choking, moaning, tears streaking your face, every filthy detail of it everything you had ever wanted.
You couldn't see Heeseung clearly from where you knelt, but you felt him. His gaze was heavy, dragging over you, making your pussy clench at nothing. You knew he was watching the way your lips stretched around Jake's cock, the way your chest heaved as Sunghoon tortured your nipples, the way you looked so fucked out and desperate already.
"The rumors about us are already spreading, and you have the guts to do this?" Heeseung's voice finally cut through with restrained anger. He stepped closer, his shoes quiet against the floor until his shadow stretched across you. You could feel his eyes on your crying, messy face, and it only made your cunt throb harder, soaking your panties.
Jake laughed through a groan, his hips grinding against your lips as his cock slid deeper. Sunghoon joined him with a low chuckle, his cold mouth pressing into your nape as his fingers tugged the straps of your dress down your shoulders. The silk slipped easily, baring your chest fully to Heeseung's view, your nipples stiff and swollen as Sunghoon's thumb and finger rolled them until you moaned around Jake's length.
"Come on," Sunghoon murmured against your ear, his voice is taunting. "You know we always love sharing." His lips traced your skin as his hand pushed your dress lower, exposing more, leaving nothing for modesty.
Heeseung's jaw tensed, but his eyes betrayed him. He couldn't look away. His cock stirred against his pants, hardening slowly with every sound that left you, with every pathetic little whimper muffled by Jake's cock. He watched the tears streak down your face, the way your hand lifted shakily from the floor, reaching for him.
Your fingers trembled as they hovered against his thigh, then slid higher until they brushed over the hard bulge in his pants. Your eyes lifted toward him, glassy, half-lidded, drowning in tears and lust, staring directly into his.
Heeseung exhaled sharply, his composure cracking.
And when your palm pressed firmer against him, stroking lightly through the fabric, his cock throbbed in response.
Your back arched off when Heeseung's hands moved to his belt. The sight alone was enough to make your chest tighten and your pussy throb, your body reacting with a hunger you couldn't disguise. Sunghoon caught it immediately, his laugh was low against your ear, mocking the way you looked so desperate without shame. He shifted off you, giving Heeseung room.
"Does Jay know about this?" Heeseung asked, his eyes shifting toward Jake and Sunghoon as if demanding an explanation even while his hands were already pulling at his clothes.
Jake's grin widened, still slick with your spit as he slid his cock from your mouth. "It's a surprise," he answered simply, as if that explained everything. His hand squeezed the back of your neck one last time before releasing you, and your body slumped against the mattress, chest heaving, throat raw. But before you could even recover, Heeseung's hands pressed against you, guiding your body flat onto your back, his touch so commanding you followed without question.
The world tilted when the fabric of your dress slipped from your shoulders, your body fully bared under their stares. Sunghoon leaned close again, his nose brushing your cheek as his voice dipped. "Look at those pretty eyes." His words curled into your skin, and you whimpered before turning toward him, your lips crashing into his. The kiss was messy, desperate, your mouth opening wide for him, your tongue tangling with his like you could pull the heat out of him and swallow it whole.
Jake's fingers hooked your panties and dragged them down your legs, his eyes glued to the slick mess between your thighs. The moment he saw your pussy clenching and unclenching around nothing, a growl broke from his throat.
Heeseung's response was just as guttural, his eyes narrowing as he dropped down onto his knees beside Jake, their shoulders brushing as if they were competing for the same prize. Without hesitation, they lifted your legs, spreading you shamelessly open, one of your thighs resting on each of their broad shoulders.
Sunghoon didn't let you breathe. His mouth consumed yours, his tongue pressing harder, his teeth tugging your bottom lip as his hand cradled your jaw, keeping you locked against him. You barely managed a moan into his mouth when the first hot lick dragged across your clit, the sudden sensation shooting up your spine that you tore yourself away from Sunghoon's kiss. Your eyes flew down, wide and dazed, only to meet Heeseung's sharp gaze staring up at you while his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking with deliberate, teasing pulls.
Your mouth fell open, your chest rising and falling rapidly, but you didn't dare blink. You couldn't miss the sight of his face buried between your legs, his tongue flattening against your sensitive bud and flicking so slowly it bordered on torture. Your thighs shook, trying to close, but his grip on your hips was unyielding.
"Hey," Sunghoon muttered, his fingers squeezing your chin until your eyes snapped back to him. His gaze was dark, narrowed, a flicker of jealousy twisting in it. "I was the one who found you. Give me some attention."
Your whimpers came small, but you still obeyed, your hand trembling as he guided it down between his legs. The hard ridge of his cock was burning against the fabric of his pants. The moment your palm pressed against him, your body shivered from the weight of him.
They were massive. You had heard the whispers from other girls, but no rumor had prepared you for the truth. Your fingers wrapped around him, squeezing gently through the fabric, and Sunghoon's lips parted, his breath catching as his hips rocked into your touch.
"Fuck," he groaned, head dropping to your shoulder, his teeth grazing your skin as if your touch alone was enough to push him toward the edge.
And then Jake bit down on your inner thigh, hard enough to make you cry out, his tongue following the sting with a wet, sucking kiss that left your skin marked. Heeseung's lips abandoned your clit, only to press lower, his tongue flattening against your dripping entrance before slurping noisily at the wetness pooling there. The sound was obscene, messy, and you moaned louder than you ever had, the combination of Jake's teeth marking your thighs and Heeseung's mouth devouring you unraveling every last thread of composure you had.
"Shh." Sunghoon's voice was ragged as his hand pressed against your jaw again, his hips grinding into your palm while his other hand fumbled with his belt. His pants dropped down his thighs, and when he freed himself, your eyes widened, your mouth watering instantly at the sight. His cock was flushed and heavy, the tip glistening with pre-cum, so thick it almost made your stomach flutter with fear.
Your legs were trembling uncontrollably, but you couldn't close them, not when Jake and Heeseung had you pinned wide open, their mouths swapping positions greedily between your clit and your entrance.
Jake was hungrier, reckless with the way his tongue plunged into you, his lips sucking against your folds so loudly it drowned out even the bass from the music downstairs. You could feel him moan against you, his hands gripping your thighs tighter, his whole face buried as if he wanted to drown in your pussy.
"Say ah," Sunghoon knelt in front of you, his cock gripped tightly in his hand. You obeyed instantly, your lips falling open, your eyes wide and locked on his face.
The expression he wore was enough to make your stomach twist—his brows drawn tight, his lips parted as if he were biting back a curse, his gaze focused entirely on your mouth as though nothing else in the world existed.
"So eager," he whispered hoarsely, his cock brushing against your lips as pre-cum smeared across them. "Fuck."
Heeseung rose slowly from between your thighs, his lips and chin slick with your wetness, his chest lifting heavily with each breath. His gaze drifted down over your trembling body, then to Sunghoon's cock hovering dangerously close to your lips, before his large hands moved to your chest. The weight of his touch was deliberate, kneading the softness of your breasts, his thumbs dragging over your nipples until they tightened again under his attention.
The combination was unbearable, your body jerking at every angle, twitching against their hands and mouths as if you no longer had control over it. Sunghoon's sudden pace had your cheeks hollowing, his cock stretching your lips as he thrust with low, restrained groans.
At the same time, Heeseung's fingers twisted your nipples mercilessly, sharp flicks that sent heat rushing to your core, and Jake's tongue was buried inside you, fucking your entrance with wet, eager strokes. Each movement pulled you in a different direction, your body caught in the middle of all three of them until you felt yourself unraveling at the seams.
Your head was spinning, dizzy from the sensation. The world tilted and blurred, your muffled moans spilling out against Sunghoon's cock, your tears streaking down your cheeks. It was overwhelming, but in the best way, better than anything you had ever experienced, better than every fumbling encounter that left you aching and unsatisfied.
This was hunger given form, this was desire being fed by three men who knew exactly how to break you. Every flick of Heeseung's fingers, every thrust of Jake's tongue, every push of Sunghoon's cock made your stomach coil tighter and tighter, until the knot inside you threatened to snap.
And then it did.
You came so hard it tore a strangled cry out of your throat, your body convulsing with the force of it. The orgasm crashed into you violently, your back arching off the bed, your legs trembling as Jake's hands clamped down on your thighs to keep you open.
You almost bit down on Sunghoon from the shock of it, your mouth clenching, your throat spasming, and he pulled back with a sharp hiss, his hand replacing himself on your lips to keep you from choking. But Jake didn't stop; he didn't even pause. His tongue twisted deep inside you, lapping greedily at everything you gave him, his head moving side to side as if he wanted to drink you dry. He held you down through every wave, prolonging the orgasm until you thought your body might tear apart from how hard you were shaking.
"Fuck, ah—fuck, shit," Sunghoon cursed above you, his voice breaking into a groan. His grip tightened on your jaw as his release hit suddenly, hot ropes of cum splattering across your face in quick, forceful bursts. Some streaked down your lips, some across your cheeks, and one stray spurt landed in your eye, stinging faintly but drowned out by the overwhelming tide of pleasure still wrecking your body.
You barely processed it, too lost in the pulsing aftershocks of your orgasm and the relentless flicks of Heeseung's thumbs still torturing your nipples. The sensation was too much, every nerve in your body stretched taut as Jake's mouth sealed back over your clit, his tongue circling lazily as he wanted to drag every last drop of climax from you.
Your sobs broke into gasps, your chest rising sharply, your face sticky with Sunghoon's cum, your throat raw from the moans you couldn't stop. And still, Heeseung's eyes stayed locked on you, darkly watching you writhe.
"I need to fuck her already," Heeseung finally muttered, already standing.
Jake stopped what he was doing and glared at him, his jaw clenched. "Who the fuck said you were gonna be first? I was the one who talked to her. I was the one who had her on her knees until now." His hands went to his shirt, ripping it over his head before shoving his pants down impatiently, his irritation burning through every motion.
Sunghoon sighed, throwing his head back, eyes half-lidded as he grabbed your shaky hand and wrapped it around his cock. "You two are always fighting about this shit," he muttered, ignoring the tension and letting you stroke him, his hips lifting slightly into your fist. His lashes fluttered shut as a low groan escaped him. "Fuck, that's it. Don't stop, baby. Just keep going. That's all I need."
"Fuck off," Heeseung snapped as he took a step closer. "You've both had enough time playing with her. I've been waiting, and I'm not standing here any longer."
Your eyes darted between them, your chest rising in short, desperate pulls of breath, before landing on Sunghoon again. He was still focused only on you, his hand over yours, guiding you up and down his thick cock. "Feels so fucking good," he groaned, his voice breaking, his neck exposed as his head fell back.
"That's why I get to be the first to fuck her," Jake shot back, standing tall now, his cock hard and throbbing against his stomach. His smirk was sharp, challenging. "You were late. I've been making her drip for me."
Sunghoon leaned closer to you, his breath hot against your ear, his lips brushing the corner of your jaw. "Ignore them, baby. Just focus on me." His other hand slid around your waist, tugging you closer until his lips pressed firmly against your neck. He kissed you hard, then nipped at your skin, his teeth dragging up to your jaw before biting again. You gasped at the sting, your hand stroking him faster, your wrist straining with the effort.
"Such a good girl," he moaned, his lips vibrating against your throat. His fingers slipped down your belly until they found your soaked pussy again, circling lazily around your entrance. The teasing pressure made you jolt, your moans tumbling out helplessly as he finally pushed one finger inside. Your walls clenched instantly, wrapping tight around him, and his sharp groan against your ear told you exactly how much he liked it. "So tight," he whispered, almost to himself, before sinking another finger inside.
"Sunghoon—" your voice broke, whimpering, the heat spreading too fast through your core as his hand worked inside you.
"Keep those pretty legs open for me, baby," he murmured, his lips dragging down to your shoulder, his teeth grazing the delicate skin. "Need to stretch this pussy for all of us. You want that, don't you? Want to take us all?"
Your only answer was a frantic nod, your lips trembling as your hand gripped his cock tighter, pumping him faster even as your own body shuddered from his fingers curling deep inside.
"You seem to be enjoying yourself too much, Sunghoon," Jake hissed, stepping forward. His hand shot out, pulling you roughly away from Sunghoon's grip.
You whined at the sudden loss, your body immediately protesting the absence of his fingers inside you.
"Shhh, darling," Jake cooed mockingly, wiping at your cum-stained face with his thumb before pressing his lips against yours in a hungry kiss. His mouth was demanding, tasting, his teeth nipping at your lower lip before pulling back with a smirk. "Me and Heeseung will make you feel so fucking good. You want that, don't you?"
"Yes," you whimpered without hesitation, nodding quickly, your desperation spilling through. You turned on your hands and knees before they could even tell you, body moving on instantly because you knew. You'd heard the whispers. You knew this was how Jake liked to fuck—rough, from behind, with no mercy. "Please."
Jake's laugh was low, almost breathless as he stared at your ass. "Fuck, you don't even need to be told. So hot like this." His palm cracked against your cheek, the sting making you moan as he spread you open with his hands.
Your eyes flicked up, catching Sunghoon again—he was watching with his lip caught between his teeth, his hand wrapped tight around his cock, stroking lazily as his gaze devoured you.
And then your eyes trailed higher, locking with Heeseung, who was standing in front of you, holding the base of his thick cock as if offering it to you. You opened your mouth instantly, ready to take him, but instead he grabbed your chin, tilting your head until you were forced to look up at him.
You sucked in a sharp breath when Jake's tip pressed against your soaked pussy, your entire body stiffening at the stretch before he even entered. His grip on your waist was bruising, anchoring you in place.
"Shit," Jake groaned under his breath, his voice breaking into a growl as he pushed in deeper. "How long has it been since you've been fucked like this? You're tight as fuck."
Your whimpers filled the air, your eyes locked on Heeseung's as he squished your cheeks between his large hand.
"Talk," Heeseung demanded, his eyes burning down into you. "Don't just sit there like a pretty little toy. Tell us what you want. Say it."
The moment he said it, Jake shoved his cock all the way inside you, the sudden fullness making your head drop forward with a cry.
"Moan louder. Scream our names. Tell us what to do to you," Heeseung ordered, pushing you to the edge as Jake's thrusts started to slam into you from behind.
"I—" you stammered through gasps, your body buckling under the rhythm. "I've been dreaming of this since first year." The confession tumbled out without filter, every word dripping with desperation.
Your honesty ripped a sound from both Jake and Sunghoon, low groans that mixed with the slick sound of your body being fucked. Heeseung's gaze hardened, his nostrils flaring as his jaw clenched. Jake's thrusts grew harsher, his hips snapping against you with punishing speed.
"W-want all of you to use me—fuck me, please!" you squealed, your voice cracking as Jake's cock found that spot inside you and hit it mercilessly.
Jake's laugh was cruel, his words spilling out between moans. "Yeah? That's why you gave in so fucking easy? Thought we'd have to drag it out of you, but you just spread those legs like the slut you are." His hand clamped down on your arms, dragging you back onto his cock as he fucked you harder, each thrust shaking your body forward.
Tears pooled again in your eyes as you shook your head weakly, your voice breaking between cries. "N-not a slut! D-don't call me that—ah, f-fuck! Jake!"
But he only thrust faster, slamming into you, groaning at how you clenched so tightly around him the harder he degraded you.
"Yeah?" Jake's voice dropped to a whisper, his lips brushing against your ear, his breath hot and ragged. "Then why the fuck are you here like this? Why are you dripping on me if you're not exactly what I called you?" His thrusts grew erratic, pounding straight into the softest spot inside you, making your knees tremble, making your nails dig into the sheets until your knuckles turned white.
You couldn't even answer him at first, because the way he was fucking you made your thoughts scatter, your mouth falling open as broken sounds spilled out. But then Heeseung was on you again, his hand fisting in your hair, pulling your head back so you had no choice but to meet his eyes.
"Come on," Heeseung murmured. His thumb brushed over your trembling bottom lip before tightening his grip on your hair, forcing your mouth open slightly. "Ignore him. Tell us what you need. Use that pretty voice."
Your chest heaved, your lashes fluttering, every nerve in your body screaming for more. "Want you—" your voice cracked, "want you all to fill m-my pussy up." The words came out broken, but loud enough for all of them to hear. Your body arched as another wave of Jake's thrusts sent shocks of heat through you, and you sobbed through your moan. "G-give me your biggest load, make me your toy for tonight—ahhh!"
Your scream broke off when Jake's hand slipped down, his fingers pinching your clit hard before slapping it over and over, sharp little bursts of pain crashing into the overwhelming pleasure. The mix had your eyes rolling back into your skull, your mouth falling open as drool slipped from the corner of your lips.
"Yes! Fuck, yes!" you squealed, your voice hoarse, your body jerking helplessly as the coil in your stomach twisted tight, tighter than before. Your thighs shook violently, your legs threatening to give out beneath you if it weren't for Jake's grip anchoring you in place. Every nerve screamed release, but he didn't stop, his cock drilling into you, his fingers punishing your clit until you were certain you'd break.
"Where do you want it?" Jake grunted against your neck, his thrusts almost brutal now, each one stealing the air from your lungs. "Where do you want me to cum, huh? Say it."
Heeseung tugged your hair harder, forcing your eyes to meet his again, his dark gaze pinning you as if daring you to answer wrong. Sunghoon's low groans filled the room behind them, the sound of his fist gliding over his cock only making the moment heavier.
Your lips trembled as you tried to form the words, every part of you shaking, drowning in pleasure, drowning in them.
"Anywhere," you gasped. "In my mouth, in my face, in my body, in my pussy—just fucking cum anywhere in me!"
"Fuck!" Jake groaned. His palm came down on your clit with a sharp slap that had your legs trembling so violently, your pussy clenching down on him with merciless tightness. The shock sent your body into another wave, your scream cutting through the air as you came hard around his cock, your walls fluttering, soaking him with everything you had.
The way you pulsed around him dragged him over the edge, his hips snapping forward with reckless speed until his cock throbbed and spilled, his hot cum spilling deep inside you in thick spurts that made your stomach twist with satisfaction. The moment you felt him paint your walls, you let out a long, broken moan, almost sobbing at how good it felt, how badly you'd needed it.
Heeseung finally let go of your hair, stepping back just far enough to watch you crumble under Jake. His eyes were locked on the mess between your legs, on the sight of Jake's cock still buried in you while his cum leaked out in slow, obscene drips.
His hand slid down his abdomen until he was stroking himself openly, his jaw tight, his breathing heavy. The look in his eyes told you he was seconds away from joining, and that thought made your clit twitch with aftershocks.
Sunghoon's chest rose and fell sharply as he leaned back, still stroking his cock at a steady rhythm, his gaze locked on you. His lips parted, his breathing uneven.
Jake's body eventually stilled, his forehead damp with sweat, his chest heaving with each breath as he looked down at your trembling frame. He pulled back slowly, letting his cock slide free from your swollen pussy. The moment he did, his cum began to spill out in a steady stream, dripping down your thighs and pooling between them.
He had never finished that hard before—he knew it, and from the stunned silence, so did the others. Even Heeseung's brows had furrowed at the sight, as if he couldn't believe how much you were leaking.
Your eyes fluttered half-lidded, your lashes wet with tears and sweat, your breaths shallow and uneven. Your body was heavy, limp from the storm that had wracked you, but somewhere deep inside, you found the strength to move your fingers, twitching weakly against the sheets. You weren't done. You couldn't be. You wanted more—you needed more. Your body begged for it, trembling but eager, your pussy clenching around nothing as if calling for another cock to fill you.
You forced your eyes open again, vision blurred with sweat and tears. And then—
"You're into this shit again?"
That voice. Deep, familiar voice, it cut through everything—the ringing in your ears, the haze in your mind, the pounding of your own heart.
Your pussy clenched instantly, as if your body recognized him before your brain could, a sharp rush of need flooding through you at just the sound.
"Took you long enough, Jay," Sunghoon muttered with a crooked smile, though his hand didn't stop stroking himself.
Jake looked up too, his chest still heaving, his hand dragging across his sweaty forehead, annoyance flickering across his features. Heeseung paused mid-stroke, his gaze narrowing, his jaw flexing as his attention shifted from you to the man at the door.
And you—your throat went dry, your lips parted, your heart slamming painfully against your ribs. Jay was here. Finally!
A soft, broken whine left your lips as your body shifted toward him. Jay's eyes sharpened, his expression was unreadable as he stepped fully inside, closing the door behind him. His gaze swept over the room, over Jake still breathless, Sunghoon stroking himself lazily, Heeseung looming above you, and finally, it landed on you—sweaty, trembling, your face flushed and messy, your eyes wide and glassy as they reached for him.
He didn't move immediately. He just stood there, silent, his jaw tight, demanding the others explain without him saying a word.
But Heeseung didn't give him the chance. He gripped your legs firmly, dragging you down the bed until you were flush beneath him, your body spread and waiting. Jay's eyes narrowed as he caught the sight of your hand twitching toward him, so close yet so far, the longing in your movement almost pathetic in its honesty.
Before you could call out, Heeseung pinned your arms above your head, his fingers curling around your wrists with unrelenting strength. His mouth brushed the shell of your ear, his voice low and taunting. "No more waiting. I've already held back long enough."
And then without warning, he pushed his cock all the way into you in one brutal thrust.
Your scream ripped through the air, your body arching violently as he bottomed out, stretching you so suddenly you could hardly think. The slick of Jake's cum inside you made it easier, made it wetter, but it didn't stop the sharp, overwhelming sting of being filled again so completely, so roughly.
"Fuck—yes," Heeseung groaned, his forehead pressing briefly to your temple as he steadied himself, though his hips didn't slow. "Need to bury my dick inside this pussy before anyone else tries to stop me. If I wait another second, I'll lose my goddamn mind."
He began to pound into you without mercy, each thrust shaking your body, pushing you deeper into the mattress. The sound of it mixed with his growls and your cries until it was all one desperate rhythm. His pace was punishing, desperate, as if he needed to erase the traces Jake left behind, like he needed to make sure you remembered him the most.
Your eyes flickered open through the haze, and there's Jay.
He was still standing where he'd closed the door, but now his chest rose heavily. He was watching you, not Heeseung, not Jake or Sunghoon, but you—his gaze locked on your face, on the way your lips trembled around moans, on the way your eyes begged for him even while another man fucked you senseless.
The sight of him like that—stoic, his stare pinning you harder than Heeseung's grip ever could—made your walls spasm tight around Heeseung's cock. You couldn't move forward, couldn't reach Jay the way you wanted, Heeseung's weight pinning you down just as Jake had before. It was maddening, being fucked this hard while Jay stood so close yet untouchable.
"Look at you," Heeseung groaned, his pace ruthless, his cock battering your soaked cunt. "You're dripping, squeezing me like you never want me to leave. You love it—you fucking love it."
And he wasn't wrong.
Your mind was spiraling, torn between the brutal pleasure flooding your body and the heat of Jay's eyes locked on you.
Heeseung's hand slid up the side of your face, his fingers pressing into your cheek as he tilted your head toward him. The moment your lips brushed against his, you melted, kissing him back feverishly, moaning into his mouth as he swallowed every sound. His thrusts didn't falter, his cock dragging mercilessly against that spot inside you that had you unraveling so quickly, another orgasm barreling through your overstimulated body before you could even brace yourself. Your legs shook violently, your cries muffled by his mouth as you shattered around him again.
Jake, still hard and needy, didn't wait any longer. He stepped closer, ignoring Jay's looming silence, his cock already heavy and dripping. Sunghoon followed, stroking himself lazily, his smirk curling as he looked down at your messy face and trembling body. Heeseung adjusted his body and hold, his hand locking tightly around your waist as he slowed just enough to grind into you deliberately, rolling his hips in a way that pressed cruelly against your swollen clit and that spongy spot inside, teasing you, forcing more whimpers from your lips even as your body tried to recover.
When Jake and Sunghoon moved to either side of your head, you reacted instantly. Both your hands reached out to wrap around them, your fingers straining around their girth. A muffled moan escaped you, your eyes fluttering, as Sunghoon leaned lower, his hand sliding to your breast, kneading it roughly.
The sensation made you gasp, your lips parting, and Jake took the opportunity to rub his cock against your tongue. You sighed in bliss, your throat vibrating as you licked the tip, your saliva mixing with the sticky fluid still clinging to him from earlier. You sucked eagerly, slurping him down before switching, letting Sunghoon feel your tongue glide along the underside of his length, licking from his base to his leaking tip. All the while, Heeseung's thrusts grew sharper, pounding harder, each one jarring your body as he lost the battle with his own restraint.
"Fuck, you really wanted this, huh?" Sunghoon groaned, watching your lips wrap around him before sliding free. His hand tangled in your hair, guiding you lower, feeding himself into your mouth as his hips rolled slowly, deliberately. "Moaning with three cocks on you, and enjoying every second of it."
Your eyes watered as you let him push deeper, your throat tightening, but the messy desperation in your moans proved his words right. You pulled off with a wet gasp, kissing the head of his cock, smearing saliva across it before whispering against him.
"Love your cock... so much," you breathed, your lips brushing the tip, your eyes flicking immediately past him—toward Jay. That gnawing ache inside you swelled, and before you could stop yourself, your whine tumbled out. "Is Jay not gonna join?"
The room stilled at your words.
Jake chuckled dryly, tugging your wrist tighter around his shaft before thrusting into your hand with rough, impatient strokes. "You've got three cocks already and still not enough for you?" His voice dropped lower, his pace quickening as he fucked into your fist. "Can't even handle us together, but you're begging for more. God, you're insatiable."
Heeseung growled low in his throat, his thrusts growing faster, harsher, punishing you for even speaking Jay's name. Sunghoon hissed through his teeth as your grip on him tightened, his thumb brushing your spit-slicked lips.
"S-sorry!" you squeaked, your back arching violently as the three of them claimed every inch of your body with greedy, unrelenting hands. The sensations collided into each other, overwhelming, making it impossible to tell where one touch ended and another began.
Your skin burned under their palms, every squeeze, every slap, every tug forcing your body to twitch and your chest to heave with broken sobs of pleasure.
"Focus on us, you fucking bitch," Heeseung growled, dangerous enough to make your cunt clench so tight around him that his hips stuttered. He cursed, gripping your waist harder, his cock slamming into you with renewed force, each thrust demanding your full attention, demanding that you forget everything but him, but them.
Your eyes rolled back, your lips trembling, but you couldn't stop glancing toward Jay, couldn't stop feeling that magnetic pull toward his stare.
Jake grunted, his hand tangling roughly in your hair, yanking your head toward him as his cock brushed against your lips again. "Ignore him. You hear me? He's not the one inside you right now—we are. So open your fucking mouth and focus," his cockhead smearing across your tongue before pushing in, forcing your throat to stretch around him again. The taste of him mixed with the mess already dripping down your chin, and you moaned around his length, gagging slightly when he pushed deeper, his hips jerking at the sound.
Sunghoon, never content to let the others take more than him, pressed closer, his fingers pinching your nipple until you whined. "That's right. You're ours tonight, baby. All ours."
His hand slid lower, spreading you wider for Heeseung's relentless thrusts, his fingers brushing your clit in circles that made you sob.
Your words came out slurred. "Y-yours! All yours! F-fuck—I can't—ahh, I can't take it—"
Heeseung cut you off with a growl, thrusting deeper, harder, the bed frame slamming into the wall with each movement. "Yes, you can, slut. You'll take everything I give you." Your walls clenched even tighter around him, milking his cock.
"I'm not a fucking slut!" The protest tore from your throat just as another orgasm ripped through you, your body spasming violently.
Your legs tried to slam shut against the unbearable pleasure, but Jake and Sunghoon caught them instantly, spreading you wider, keeping you open, holding you there as Heeseung continued pounding into you mercilessly. Your moan stretched high, long, broken in its desperation as tears streamed down your face.
Heeseung pulled out abruptly, your cunt fluttering around nothing, before plunging three of his fingers inside you. The sudden stretch made your entire body jolt upward, your scream breaking into sobs as he fucked his fingers into you with a brutal pace. His palm pressed hard against your clit with every thrust, his thumb flicking over the swollen bud, making your vision blur and your mind scatter.
Your body shook violently, your head thrashing from side to side, your voice rising in hysterical sobs that filled the room. "Stop! S-stop! I'm gonna—I'm go-going to pee! Stop, wait! Please, wait—!"
Your arms tried to push them off, tried to squirm free, but Jake and Sunghoon pinned you tighter, one hand on each wrist, one grip on each thigh, keeping you spread open for Heeseung's relentless assault.
Heeseung's eyes darkened, his jaw clenched as he kept driving into your pussy with his fingers, your slick coating his hand, dripping down his wrist, the sound of it loud and wet. His cock twitched angrily in his other hand as he stroked himself in slow pulls, groaning low in his chest. "Come on, sweetheart. Don't fight it. Let it out for us. Show us how much you need us."
Jake leaned closer, his lip caught between his teeth, his eyes fixed on the mess between your thighs. The obscene squelching filled his ears, making his cock ache again. "Fuck—listen to her pussy. She's about to—" His words cut off with a groan as his own hips rutted helplessly into the air.
Your high-pitched scream tore through the room as the dam inside you finally snapped.
A gush of hot liquid burst from your pussy, splattering over your stomach, your thighs, the sheets beneath you, drenching Heeseung's hand and face as he ducked lower, moaning against the spray. The force of it made your ears ring, your vision blur, your body convulse helplessly.
It was humiliating, overwhelming, devastatingly good. You sobbed openly, your face slick with tears and spit, Sunghoon's cum already drying against your skin, and now your own release coating everything around you. Your body trembled uncontrollably, your legs twitching and kicking weakly until Jake and Sunghoon finally let them fall open to the side.
You curled inward, your arms wrapping protectively over your chest, your body folding small as though you could hide. But the sheets were soaked beneath you, the air heavy with the scent of sex, the room echoing with your broken cries.
"So good," Heeseung's lips parted against your soaked skin and licked at the mess you left on his face. His eyes fluttered shut, his strokes on his cock tightening, his hand gliding through the mixture of your slick and squirt.
"Get the fuck to the side. I'm going to taste it." Jake's hand already twitched toward you, greedy and impatient.
Sunghoon's laugh came rough and breathless, his chest rising and falling as he lazily stroked himself, his eyes locked on the wet ruin between your thighs. "Bro, shut the fuck up. You already had your turn. It's my turn now."
Sunghoon leaned forward, dragging his tongue over your cheek, licking at the tears that stained your skin before pressing a sloppy kiss to the corner of your mouth.
"Step aside. I'm not done yet." Heeseung shoved Sunghoon out of his way, his hand already on your thigh, forcing your legs apart with a strength that made your body jolt.
"W-wait—" your voice broke, a weak sniffle escaping as you tried to catch your breath, your chest heaving rapidly, overstimulation already threatening to unravel you further.
The stretch of your thighs, the way Heeseung's fingers pressed into your skin, it all made you flinch with both anticipation and fear. You weren't sure if you could take more, but your body betrayed you, your cunt twitching at the thought of him filling you again.
"Dude, no fun," Sunghoon muttered, irritation coloring his tone as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, still tasting you there. His cock twitched in his fist, but he leaned back with a scowl.
"Three of you step back. You can't even take care of her." Jay's voice cut through the air, commanding, silencing all of them in an instant.
Your head turned instinctively toward him. The sound of his voice sent a violent shiver down your spine, your pussy clenching around nothing as though it had been waiting only for him. Your chest hitched, your lips parting on a desperate little whimper that you couldn't hold back. "J-Jay..."
Jake scoffed from the other side of the bed, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, but the flash of annoyance in his expression didn't hide the way his chest rose faster, as if even he knew Jay's presence shifted everything. "She's fine. Don't act like you're the savior now."
Jay's gaze flicked toward him, before returning to you. He moved closer until he stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at your trembling body. "She's more than fine. She's a mess. Look at her." His jaw tightened as his eyes roamed over you—your soaked thighs, your trembling legs, your chest that still rose and fell unevenly. His voice softened. "She's mine to take care of."
Heeseung growled low in his throat, clearly unwilling to back off, his body still hovering over you. "We've already broken her in. Don't come here acting like you own her now." His fingers dug into your thigh harder, spreading you wider as if to make his point.
Jay's expression didn't shift, though his eyes burned darker. "Then move. Or I'll make you."
You breathe heavily, looking at the both of them. And you—your body trembled violently, torn apart by the clash of their voices, but deep down you knew what you wanted. Your lips quivered, the words slipping out before you could stop yourself. "I... I want Jay..."
The silence that followed was deafening.
Heeseung froze above you, his eyes narrowing dangerously, while Jake let out a low laugh, though the jealousy in it was sharp. Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, biting his lip as though amused but also curious to see what Jay would do.
Jay leaned closer, his hand reaching out to brush your messy hair away from your face, his touch surprisingly gentle after all the roughness you'd endured. His thumb stroked over your damp cheek, wiping at the dried tears. His gaze softened as he looked at you.
"Here I thought I was your favorite," Heeseung muttered, finally releasing the tight grip he had on your leg. Beneath the teasing, a mix of bitterness and disappointment that made your chest ache even in your haze.
Jake snorted, throwing a smirk in Heeseung's direction. "Don't flatter yourself. She probably still thinks you're her number one. She just wants another cock inside her because that's what sluts do." His words were cruel, but his retreat was obvious, stepping back from you, his chest still heaving.
Heeseung only shrugged at that, but his eyes flicked to you once more before he turned his head away.
Your lips trembled, guilt and shame mixing with the raw need still burning inside you. You tilted your head toward Jay, your voice coming out as the weakest of whispers. "D-do you want me to clean up first?" The moment the words left your mouth, your chest tightened—afraid he might flinch, afraid he might see you the same way Jake just called you.
But Jay only smiled softly, shaking his head as though the thought was absurd. "It's alright, angel."
The simple reassurance broke something in you. Your eyes stung all over again, but before the tears could spill, his mouth was already moving lower, pressing a trail of unhurried kisses along your inner thigh. Each press of his lips lingered. By the time his lips hovered just above your swollen core, his pointed nose brushing lightly over your sensitive clit, your back had already arched off the sheets in anticipation.
You gasped softly, when his tongue finally slid against you. Hot, steady, and so focused, his tongue swirled around your folds before slipping inside you, teasing your oversensitive walls with a precision that made your breath catch in your throat. The contrast to the brutal pace you'd been enduring was staggering—he wasn't just eating you out, he was savoring you.
Your hands flew instinctively to his hair, trembling fingers tangling into his dark strands as you moaned helplessly, your chest rising and falling with every wave of sensation he drew from you. "J-Jay..." His name slipped from your lips brokenly.
He hummed against your cunt at the sound, the vibration making you twitch as his tongue moved deeper, stroking places inside you that made your toes curl. His grip on your hips tightened, holding you still when your thighs tried to clamp shut around his head from the overwhelming pleasure.
Behind him, you could feel the others watching—Heeseung's silence heavy, Jake's low scoff, Sunghoon's quiet hum of approval—but all of it blurred into the background when Jay moaned against you, drinking you down.
You whimpered, tugging at his hair as your hips bucked weakly into his mouth. "S-so good... I can't, I c-can't hold it—"
Jay pulled back just enough to glance up at you, his lips glistening with your slick, his eyes dark but soft. "Then don't. Let go for me, angel. Just me."
And with that, he dipped his head again, his tongue flicking against your clit with quick, precise strokes while his fingers slid inside you, curling expertly until you were screaming, until your body was trembling so hard you thought it might break apart.
Jay let go of your trembling body, his lips brushing once more against your temple before he finally shifted back. The bed dipped under his weight as he knelt at the edge, the leather of his belt creaking faintly as his fingers tugged at the buckle.
You knew the night had only just begun, but here in this room it already felt like you had been devoured whole, like there was no way out.
"Have you ever been fucked in the ass?" Jay's voice broke through, deceptively calm, his palm gliding down the curve of your thigh, rubbing in a slow rhythm as if coaxing you into trust.
Your lashes fluttered, your chest seizing as though his words had cut the air straight out of your lungs. "H-Huh?" Your voice cracked, eyes wide, searching his expression for some sign of softness that might match the way he'd just held you.
From your left, Jake let out a muffled laugh, the sound harsh against the fragile silence that followed your confusion.
Jay's hand didn't falter. He pressed a little higher on your thigh, the pads of his fingers stroking, teasing, until finally one circled lower, grazing a place that had never been touched this way before.
His tone was as gentle as before, almost sickeningly so. "I asked," he repeated slowly, "have you ever been fucked in your ass, angel?"
The tip of his finger brushed against your rim and you gasped, the breath caught sharp in your throat as heat and panic flared all at once. Your body jolted, betraying you. You couldn't even find the words, your head turning automatically toward the other three. Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon—all three watching you intently, not a single one offering you an escape.
You shook your head quickly, shame coloring your cheeks as your voice finally stumbled out. "N-No..."
Jay's lips curved into a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "On your arms and knees, then. I'll be gentle with you."
The smile was soft, but you could already feel the deception in it. You should've known by now—Jay only looked gentle when he wanted you to obey.
Your tears hadn't even dried when you felt his finger pressing more firmly at your rim, the tight, foreign intrusion making your body stiffen. The burn was immediate, sharp, a sensation your body didn't know how to handle. He twisted his finger slowly, deliberately, and the stretch made you whimper, your hands clawing desperately at the sheets.
"C-can't take it," you cried, shaking your head, your vision blurring again. Your body writhed under him, desperate for someone—anyone—to stop him.
"Hurts, Sunghoon. It hurts!" Your arm reached blindly for him, searching for comfort.
And Sunghoon leaned in instantly, catching your reaching hand, his lips brushing your temple in mock sympathy. "Shh," he cooed, the sound almost tender if not for the wicked edge beneath it. "I thought you were a good girl? You've been dreaming about us for so long, haven't you? This is what you wanted."
Your sobs shook your chest, but your body betrayed you again—clenching around Jay's finger, trembling from every deliberate twist.
On your other side, Heeseung moved closer, crouching low until his chest brushed against your arm. He caught your free hand and guided it toward him, pressing your palm around his cock. "Come on, baby. Use those hands. Don't just cry. Make yourself useful while Jay breaks you in."
Jay's finger pushed deeper, the slow stretch pulling another ragged sob from your throat. He watched you closely, his jaw tight, his cock already heavy in his hand as he stroked it lazily. His lips curved again, "relax, angel. Breathe. I'll make it hurt less if you beg me properly."
When Jay finally pulled his finger free, your body sagged in relief—but it was short-lived. The sharp tear of foil reached your ears, and your stomach flipped as the sound registered. You forced your head to lift, desperate to see him, but Sunghoon's hand kept you locked in place, his grip so firm on your hair that you couldn't move. He angled you down toward Heeseung's cock again, your mouth spreading open around him until you gagged.
You heard the faint snap of latex as Jay rolled the condom down his thick length, the squirt of lube slicking the air before his fist wrapped around himself, stroking with slow pumps. You tried to tilt your head to catch a glimpse, but Sunghoon tugged hard, forcing you to choke around Heeseung's cock. Your throat tightened painfully as you coughed against the intrusion.
"Hmp—!" Your cry was muffled, spilling against Heeseung's cock as Jay pressed forward. The blunt head of his cock nudged against your rim, stretching you in ways you weren't prepared for.
Jay's groan vibrated through the room, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he pushed deeper, inch by inch. His hands gripped your ass, spreading you wider, making you tremble as the burn ignited again.
Your throat was stuffed with Heeseung's cock, and every shallow thrust into your mouth came with another humiliating gulp, gulp, gulp. Each noise mingled with Jay's ragged breathing as he sank himself slowly into your ass.
By the time his cock buried itself halfway, your hands had flown to Heeseung's thighs in desperation, nails scratching down his skin as your throat tried to adjust. Heeseung hissed sharply at the sting, then abruptly pulled out, your mouth gasping for air as you coughed and sobbed.
"Bitch," he spat, slapping your cheek with enough force to sting. Your head tilted from the impact, tears spilling harder as you whimpered against the mattress, your body trembling uncontrollably.
The sound of the slap cracked through the room—and the shift in the air was instant. Jay froze, his dark eyes snapping up, his jaw tight. Slowly, he leaned over you, his chest pressing against your back, his cock still halfway inside your ass as he fixed his glare on Heeseung.
"The fuck do you think you're doing?"
"She fucking scratched me—" Heeseung started.
Jay's glare sharpened, cutting him off. His hand curled around your hip, steadying you as he leaned closer until his lips brushed your ear, his words meant for both you and Heeseung. "Apologize. To her. Now."
Heeseung's jaw flexed, annoyance flashing in his eyes, but under Jay's burning stare, he finally muttered, "...Sorry."
You sniffled, your face pressed to the sheets, too shaken to respond. Jay's grip on your hip softened just enough for his thumb to caress you. "You okay, hmm?"
You swallowed hard, unable to find your voice, and forced yourself to nod against the sheets. Your chest rose and fell in shuddering waves, but you needed him to believe you could take it.
Jay hummed softly, almost like praise. "That's it. Breathe for me, angel. Let me in. Don't hold back." His hips pressed forward again. The intrusion stretched you open slowly, your body fighting to keep up with his size. The burn sharpened into an unbearable sting, and you screamed into the mattress, toes curling tight against the sheets as you struggled not to collapse.
Sunghoon's hand smoothed over your hair, patting your head with a tenderness, so comforting that make you whimper. "Good girl," he whispered, as though you needed his approval just to keep breathing.
Then Heeseung moved closer, his hand sliding between your thighs to press against your soaked pussy.
"Sorry, baby." His palm cupped you carefully, you flinched at first, but when he leaned in, his lips closing over your nipple, sucking hard, the sharp edge of pain dulled under a rush of pleasure. The shift made your back arch violently, the cry that tore from you high and desperate.
"Ahh! F-fuck!" you screamed, voice cracking, torn between pain and bliss.
Jay grunted at the way your body squeezed around him, his hand wrapping tightly around your arm to pull it back behind you like a lever. His other hand gripped your shoulder firmly, anchoring you while his hips snapped forward with force. Each thrust sent a wet smack echoing through the room, skin colliding with a punishing rhythm.
Heeseung groaned against your chest, his tongue flicking over your nipple as his fingers pressed harder into your clit, rubbing circles that sent shocks of sensation racing through your trembling body. The mixture of Jay's brutal thrusts and Heeseung's eager mouth had you thrashing.
You never thought being filled that way could drag such a storm out of you. The sting that had first made you sob now twisted into something overwhelming, a blend of fire and honey that made your body betray you with every clench. Each thrust blurred the line between pain and euphoria until you couldn't separate one from the other, only the dizzy rush that kept forcing cries from your throat.
At some point, you lost track of who was where.
You were a doll passed between them, shifted and handled, your body too pliant to resist, too consumed by sensation to understand the movement until it was already happening.
When Jay lifted you with an arm hooked under your ribs, carrying your trembling weight as though you were light as air, your limbs hung loose, hair falling forward like a curtain, your head lolling against his chest. The world was hazy, sound muffled except for their voices and the unrelenting rhythm of flesh against flesh.
You moaned uncontrollably, the sound spilling out of you even before Sunghoon pushed inside your swollen pussy. He didn't wait, he didn't tease—he slid in deep, and the stretch dragged another cry out of your throat.
Jake positioned himself over you, his hands squeezing your tits roughly, pressing them together around the length of his cock. He thrusted between them with a feral need, groaning at the slick heat as he forced you to keep your trembling arms raised so you couldn't rest, so none of them were ignored.
Your muscles screamed, the burn in your shoulders mixing with the fire between your legs. Yet the harder it became to hold on, the more your moans broke apart into helpless sobs.
"Shit! So fucking good!" Sunghoon moaned, usually he was silent, the one who held back while the others filled the air, but now his restraint had shattered. His moans came rough and guttural, pulled from his chest with every thrust, his expression twisting into something close to pure bliss. Each time his hips met yours, the sound that tore from his throat was louder, rawer, until you realized he was trembling too—losing himself in you just as much as you were unraveling under him.
Your vision blurred at the edges, tears clinging to your lashes, the ringing in your ears drowning out everything but their voices and the wet sounds of bodies colliding. Orgasms tore through you one after another, piling so fast you couldn't separate them anymore. You were trapped in the spiral of it, begging without thought, "Y-yes, fuck, yes—I can't stop—I need it—please, don't stop!"
Your body betrayed you completely, arching up even as you wanted to collapse. The adhesive gems clinging to your eyelids sparkled faintly under the light, miraculously still in place as your eyes rolled back, your tongue slipping free from your mouth with no strength left to hold it in. You were a mess, unrecognizable even to yourself, but they devoured every second of it.
Jake groaned low in his chest as his cock pulsed, spilling over your tits, hot ropes covering your skin until you were painted in him. He slapped your chest once more, watching it smear across your breasts before stumbling back, his body giving out as he dropped onto the mattress, panting heavily, drained but satisfied.
The moment you were freed from him, your lips were claimed again. Heeseung and Jay's mouths fought for space against yours, kissing you with different kinds of urgency—Jay deep and consuming, Heeseung sharp and demanding. Their lips pulled moans out of you you didn't even know you had left, your eyes shut tight as your mouth parted helplessly between them.
Meanwhile, Sunghoon's cock dragged deeper inside you, angling until it brushed that spot that made your whole body spasm. The rhythm of his thrusts grew steadier, more desperate, his hips slamming into you with a pace that made your chest heave and your breath hitch against the mouths kissing yours. He was unrelenting, he couldn't stop himself, your body had unlocked something in him he never wanted to let go of.
Sunghoon's control shattered first. His jaw clenched, veins standing out along his neck as he pushed deeper, his movements rough and unsteady, every thrust dragging a desperate sound from him. His eyes squeezed shut and his head tilted back, a moan ripping from his throat as his stomach tightened, the pleasure consuming him faster than he could handle. He bit down on his lip, but it wasn't enough to stifle the way his body shook while his cock throbbed violently inside you.
You felt the hot flood of his release filling you in long, uncontrollable spurts. It spread thick through your core, making your walls clench tighter as though your body wanted to keep him there, to hold every drop.
The sensation was so overwhelming that your back arched high into Jay's chest. He caught you easily, his large hand spreading over your breast and kneading. His lips swallowed your broken moans, his tongue sliding deep until you whimpered against him, unable to keep up.
Your hips jerked when Sunghoon finally spilled the last of his release, the force of it pushing some of his cum to seep out around his cock. He slumped forward, chest heaving, but his grip on your waist betrayed his reluctance to leave you. He wanted to stay buried, to keep claiming you—but his body gave out, and with a low groan he pulled free, his length glistening as it slid from your swollen cunt.
The loss of him left you trembling, and before you could even breathe, Heeseung was already there. His hand slid between your thighs, fingers parting your slick folds without hesitation. He rubbed over your swollen clit in tight circles, faster, sharper, and your lips tore away from Jay's kiss to scream, your cry echoing through the room as a new wave of sensation tore through you.
Sunghoon's cum was still dripping from your pussy when Heeseung's fingers slapped against your sensitive clit. The sharp sting made your hips spasm, jerking upward uncontrollably, the sound of the wet slap filling the room. Your thighs shook, but Jay's hand on your chest kept you pressed firmly against him, forcing you to take it all.
"So fucking hot," Jay groaned against your skin, his teeth grazing your neck before biting down just enough to leave a mark. He soothed the bite with his tongue before sucking at the spot, leaving his claim branded into your skin while you cried softly beneath him.
"Come on," Heeseung coaxed. He gave your clit another sharp slap that made you gasp, your entire body twitching. "Breathe. Deep. You've still got two cocks waiting for you."
Your body was trembling, the exhaustion in your muscles fighting against the need clawing through your veins. Every part of you screamed for a pause, a moment of stillness, but your lips betrayed you, spilling soft, broken words into the heated air.
"...cock... want more..." you whispered, not even sure if you meant to say it out loud, but the second it left your mouth, they moved.
They shifted you onto Heeseung first, his broad chest rising under your palms as he positioned himself at your entrance. Your thighs burned as you straddled him, but you couldn't stop yourself from lowering down, grinding until his thick tip slid past your folds, the friction making your entire body quiver.
Heeseung's eyes darkened immediately, his hands gripping your waist as he guided you, feeling the way your heat stretched around him.
Jay stood behind you, his movements methodical as he tore open another condom with his teeth. He rolled the latex down over his length with one hand, the other already spreading over your lower back, holding you steady. His touch was careful, deceptively gentle, even as you felt the blunt press of his cock teasing your other entrance.
The stretch made you scream, your head snapping back to his shoulder as his cock slowly pushed inside your ass. Your tits arched forward, bouncing in Heeseung's face, and he groaned like he was seeing heaven itself, his mouth immediately latching onto one nipple. His tongue flicked hard before he began sucking greedily, moaning against your skin, drowning himself in the taste of you might keep him from unraveling completely.
He told himself not to get attached, not to think beyond the raw act of it but as he looked up, catching the sight of your face twisted with both pain and euphoria, your lashes damp with tears, your lips parted, your flushed cheeks glowing, he was gone. So fucking pretty, too pretty for this. His chest tightened, his teeth sinking into his lip, half-lidded eyes watching you lose yourself while he thrust up into you.
"Ahh—fuck! S-so good! Feels so good!" you sobbed, your voice breaking as both of them found their rhythm inside you.
Jay's arm slid tighter around your middle, pulling you back against him, while his other hand anchored hard on your shoulder.
Each drive of his hips made your body lurch forward, and every time he withdrew, Heeseung thrust upward to meet you, their cocks colliding through the thin barrier inside you. The pressure was relentless, unbearable yet addicting. You felt so full, so completely wrecked, yet you didn't want them to stop.
Your head fell back against Jay's shoulder, your throat exposed, your lips trembling as the sounds poured out of you unrestrained. His gaze locked onto you, never wavering, watching every twitch of your brows, every flutter of your lashes, every blissful break in your voice.
His stomach coiled tight when he saw you smile through your moans, blissful grin that said you were floating in a haze beyond reason.
And then—when you let out a delirious laugh, drunk on cock and pleasure—both he and Heeseung nearly lost control.
"Shit... fuck, look at her," Heeseung moaned against your chest, thrusts erratic as your pussy clenched harder, milking him. His thumb found your clit again, circling with ruthless precision, making your hips twitch violently in their hold.
"Fucking cockdrunk," Jake muttered from the side, his voice strained, his hand already wrapped tight around his cock as he stroked himself, eyes devouring the sight of you stuffed full between Jay and Heeseung.
"Unbelievable..." Sunghoon hissed, though his body betrayed his words as his cock hardened again at the sight. His chest rose sharply, his jaw tightening as his eyes burned into you, unable to look away.
And you—you were flying. Your entire body trembled, sweat dripping down your back, every nerve set alight as two cocks pounded into you in perfect rhythm, stretching you in ways you never thought you could handle. You weren't just moaning anymore—you were laughing, delirious, euphoric, because nothing had ever felt this good. The world outside didn't exist. There was only this. Only them. Only the way your body sang under their hands, under their cocks.
You were living your best fucking life, and in that moment, you knew you never wanted it to end.
"Shit—I'm gonna cum," Heeseung groaned, his head falling back against the pillow as his thrusts grew uneven. You couldn't help yourself, couldn't stop your body from pushing back onto his cock, greedy for every last inch.
"Need it—please, I need you to cum inside me—don't hold back," you moaned.
Jay tightened his bicep around your throat, dragging you flush against him as his lips pressed against your temple. "Take it, angel. Take all of him."
The heat in your chest exploded when Heeseung moaned loud and emptied inside you. The sound of his voice made your heart lurch even as your own orgasm tore through you again. Your walls clenched so violently that his cock twitched helplessly, spilling thicker and thicker ropes of cum until you could feel the weight of it stretching your stomach. The mess spilled from the corners of your folds, warm streams dripping down your thighs.
But before the haze could settle, Jay's voice cut through. "Pull out, Heeseung. It's my turn—I want to cum in her too." His arm around your throat tightened, pulling you higher onto him, your back arching as his cock slid free from your ass, still painfully hard.
Heeseung hesitated, his chest heaving, his eyes narrowing like he didn't want to let go of the heat he'd buried himself in. He gave a sharp exhale of frustration but finally withdrew, his cock wet and shining as he let you slip from him.
Jay didn't waste a second. He yanked off the condom, tossing it carelessly aside, then pushed his length inside your pussy still dripping with Heeseung's load. The stretch burned, but the mix of fluids made him slide in effortlessly, and the sensation had your toes curling instantly.
"Fuck—fuck, she's so wet," Jay groaned, his forehead pressing against the side of your head. His pace was punishing, his hips snapping against your ass as his hand gripped your hip to anchor himself.
"Can't hold it—gonna fill you—"
The moment he buried himself deep, his body stiffened, and he spilled hot inside you. His growl vibrated against your ear, the sound of his release mixing with your own helpless moans. You could feel it, the pulse of his cock as he filled you so completely that the mix of him and Heeseung spilled back out, dripping into a sticky mess beneath you.
It took a long moment before they both released you, your body sagging limp between them. You barely had the strength to move when Jake stepped forward, his hand already pumping his length with urgency, his eyes locked on your face. Sunghoon moved with him, their cocks standing tall, both of them crowding your view as you were laid down on your back.
"Open up, baby," Jake ordered.
Your lips parted, tongue falling out on instinct, the salty taste of precum already smearing across it as they fisted themselves harder. Their groans overlapped as thick spurts painted your cheeks, your forehead, your lips, dripping down your neck and into your hair. You swallowed what you could, eyes rolling back at the sheer dirtiness of it, your chest rising and falling rapidly with each ragged breath.
You stared blankly at the ceiling, vision hazy, ears ringing so loud it felt like you were underwater. Your head was spinning, the room tilting, but your body was already being turned again.
Your limbs flopped uselessly as Jake forced his cock back to hardness, guiding himself to your ass, while Heeseung gripped your legs wide, holding you open as though your exhaustion didn't matter.
One by one, they took their turns again, each of them sliding into your abused body, spilling more inside until it felt like there wasn't any part of you left untouched. Your mind was gone, floating somewhere else, your mouth hanging open without sound, and still, they didn't stop.
The last thing you remembered was Sunghoon's icy hands spreading your folds, his voice low with awe as he stared at the mess dripping from your swollen used pussy—thick white streams still spurting.
And then you passed out, swallowed by the overwhelming haze of pleasure and exhaustion, your body twitching even in unconsciousness, your mind lost in the aftershocks of everything they had done.
You woke with a body that felt heavier than stone, every inch aching. The room was quiet except for the soft snores surrounding you.
You shivered, realizing the air was cold against your damp hair and clammy skin, only to notice the weight of arms draped over you—two different hands anchoring you in place. One was around your waist, pulling you back into a solid chest, the other rested lazily on your hip.
You blinked hard, trying to gather yourself, and only then did you notice you were clothed, though barely. Someone had slipped a shirt over you, but it was hiked up high, baring most of your thighs. Heart pounding, you tilted your head, your breath catching when you saw Jay's face so close to yours. His features were peaceful, his brows relaxed, lips parted just slightly as a soft groan escaped him. Even in sleep, he pulled you tighter into his chest.
"What the fuck..." you whispered under your breath, pulse racing as heat rushed to your cheeks.
Your gaze dropped lower and froze. Sunghoon's head rested against your chest, lips slack and still attached to your nipple. His hand was curled around your waist too, fingers twitching. The memory of his face twisted in pleasure, his voice breaking with moans, hit you so hard that your thighs clenched instinctively.
You stifled a sound, your whole face burning.
Carefully, with your fingers trembling, you began to pry their hands off one by one, moving Jay's arm and slipping Sunghoon's hand back over his own body. It felt like sneaking out of something you weren't supposed to survive. But before you could breathe in relief, your eyes darted downward—and you almost screamed.
At the foot of the bed, sprawled across like he owned the space, was Jake. His cheek was pressed into the mattress, lips parted as he breathed heavily, his bare chest rising and falling. He looked so soft like this, so far from the rough, taunting voice that had wrecked you just hours ago.
Your stomach flipped.
"What the hell..." you whispered again, a little louder this time, biting your lip as panic swirled in your chest. You couldn't stay here. Not with the memories flashing in your head.
Ignoring the deep ache in your thighs and the heaviness weighing down your limbs, you tiptoed around them, snatching your heels and dress from the table. The sound of the zipper sliding into place echoed too loudly in your ears as you tried to dress as quietly as possible.
When you finally slipped out and pulled the door shut behind you, you pressed your back against it, exhaling sharply. Relief barely lasted a second before you froze again.
Someone was sitting in the living room.
Heeseung was perched on the couch, phone in hand, his tall frame hunched slightly forward. The glow of the screen lit his sharp features, but the second the door clicked shut, his head snapped up. His eyes widened as if he hadn't expected you to actually walk out. In a blur, he was standing, pocketing his phone.
"Hey," his voice came out softer than you remembered.
Your whole body stiffened, eyes wide, your pulse hammering in your throat. The room was quiet but the weight of his presence filled it, and you could feel your heart fluttering in panic—or maybe dangerously close to longing.
"It's just five-thirty," he said, glancing briefly at the window where the faintest gray of dawn was creeping in. "We finished at four. Are you... already leaving?"
Your throat was dry. Fuck. He was talking to you. Just standing there, bare-faced and raw from the night before, his voice carrying none of the arrogance it once did. You wanted to respond, but your mouth betrayed you, stuck in silence. You could only stare at him, your gaze trembling before you forced it away, too shy, too ashamed, too overwhelmed.
Heeseung shifted his weight, his Adam's apple bobbing as though he was working up the nerve. Then, in a tone that was almost uncertain, he asked, "Were we too rough?"
You blinked up at him, startled.
"I..." you started, but the words stuck.
His jaw tightened, eyes flickering before he let out a low sigh. He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous gesture that didn't fit the man who had held you down hours earlier. His voice dropped lower, rough with regret. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to slap you like that. I just... I got carried away."
The sincerity in his tone, the way his eyes searched yours like he needed you to believe him, made your chest ache. You didn't trust yourself to speak, your throat felt raw, so you simply nodded, awkward and small, hoping it was enough.
"I—I... uh... shit." Heeseung's voice faltered.
He was fumbling, caught off guard by the weight of his own thoughts. For the first time, he seemed unsure.
Heeseung had always respected the girls they brought into this kind of mess, but responsibility was something he usually left to Jay, who carried gentleness. Yet with you, the urge was different. It was tugging at him in a way he couldn't ignore, and it unsettled him more than he'd ever admit.
His tongue darted over his lips, his brows knitting together as he shifted closer, still cautious of your fragile state. "Do you... want to leave? I—uh—I can get my car, or call someone, or—wait." He cut himself off, unsure what offer would make sense, what you even needed from him right now.
You shook your head quickly, your hands clinging to your heels. Your voice came out almost too small to hear, but you forced the words past your lips. "T-thank you. I-I can manage myself. Th-thank you... so much."
It was rushed, shaky, like you needed to get it out before your voice betrayed the truth of how fragile you felt. Without waiting for his response, you turned away, your bare feet carrying you in tiny, stumbling steps toward the door. Each step hurt, your body reminding you of everything from last night, but you pressed forward anyway, desperate to escape the heaviness in the room.
"Wait—what's your—" Heeseung started, his hand twitching forward as if he could reach you. But the words fell flat, caught in his throat, and he stopped himself before finishing. His lips pressed together in frustration, a quiet curse slipping under his breath. His eyes followed the curve of your back, the fragile sway of your shoulders, the sound of your unsteady footsteps echoing.
"...number."
The word left him softer than a whisper, too late, almost swallowed by the empty space you left behind.
He stood there for a long moment, staring at the door you'd just disappeared through, torn between running after you and letting you go. His jaw clenched, his hand raking through his hair as he sank back down onto the couch.
He couldn't shake the image of you—the way your eyes had rolled back in bliss, the way you had laughed in the middle of it all, the way you looked at him now as if you wanted to disappear.
And Heeseung felt a kind of defeat that left his chest heavy. First, he was pissed that Jay, of all people, had managed to pull your attention more than once that night. Second, he hadn't even gotten the chance to really enjoy you the way he wanted, not fully, not the way that would have been enough. And third—worst of all—he didn't even know your full name, or what department you were in, or anything beyond that single night where you'd let yourself unravel in his arms and under his hands.
"Fuck..." he muttered under his breath, dragging a hand over his face, frustrated at the gnawing ache in his chest. You were too pretty, too delicate, too intoxicating, and it infuriated him that Sunghoon and Jake had gotten their way with you first, splitting you open before he ever had the chance to claim you for himself. The thought of them having your "first" and sharing you so easily left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted you whole, wanted you alone, wanted more than the scraps of a night shared with three others.
Heeseung realized this wasn't just another nameless, faceless memory to throw away. He didn't want this to be the last time. He wanted more of you—your laugh, your trembling voice, your warmth pressed against him. The only thing he had left was the trace of your scent, still lingering faintly on his skin and in the air, that floral sweetness that he couldn't shake no matter how many showers he took. It drove him mad.
"Hey, I tried your perfume and it doesn't smell nearly as nice on me as it does on you."
Your classmate pouted, watching you rub lotion into your arms after swim class. Her tone was playful, but her eyes lingered longer than usual, narrowing slightly at the fading bruises that scattered along your thighs.
"—Wait, are you okay? What's with all these marks?" she asked, her voice shifting, curious but edged with concern as her gaze dropped to your legs, then caught on your wrist where faint discoloration still traced your skin.
You forced a small smile, your hands moving carefully as though the weight of her stare could dig deeper into your body. "Anemia," you said lightly. "You know how it gets sometimes."
She frowned, unconvinced, but didn't press further. You focused on squeezing another bit of lotion into your palm, your thoughts drifting elsewhere. The bottle was nearly empty, and you hesitated for a moment, wondering if you should buy another or try something different.
It had been two weeks. Two weeks since your body had been pushed to its limit, since you had let yourself fall apart in the arms, mouths, and cocks of four men who you never should have gotten tangled with.
As much as it thrilled you to remember, you knew it wasn't something you could ever share. Not with your classmates, not with anyone. This was yours alone.
And so, you smiled at your friend, pretending everything was normal, while inside, you cherished the memory of a night you swore you'd never tell.
You tied your damp hair back, the strands clinging to your neck as you tugged on a sweatshirt and shorts. A light mist of perfume lingered as you sprayed your wrists, your throat, the curve of your shoulder, even down your spine as though you could drown yourself in that sweet comfort.
"God, you smell so good again," your friend whined, fanning herself dramatically. You only chuckled and brushed her off, slipping your bag onto your shoulder before following the group.
The conversation turned quickly, as it always seemed to these days.
"How come those fuckboys keep throwing parties and we never hear a word after? It's like magic," one girl scoffed, and the others broke into agreement, voices overlapping with laughter.
"Right? I swear they must be fucking someone every time," another chimed in, clapping her hands for emphasis. "No way they're just drinking. But no one ever talks. Like—ever."
Their voices carried ahead of you while you trailed behind, smiling faintly, shaking your head as if their words were just another baseless rumor. Inside, though, your chest tightened. If only they knew. If only they could imagine half of what had happened that night. But you weren't about to let them. You had no intention of ever telling a single soul.
That night was a secret carved into you, and the four of them had reputations built on silence—no communication, no strings, no trace.
You sighed, crouching down to fix your shoelace, the chatter of your classmates fading as they moved further down the hall. One of them called your name over their shoulder, urging you to hurry, but before you could respond, the sound of measured steps came closer. A shadow cut across the floor in front of you.
You froze.
Slowly, your gaze lifted from the shoes planted right in front of you. And your heart stopped.
"Found you," a low voice drawled, threaded with satisfaction, almost a taunt.
Gasps erupted behind you, your classmates halting in their tracks.
Your eyes widened. Heeseung was really there, standing over you in broad daylight, surrounded by people, breaking his own rules without hesitation. You couldn't move, couldn't breathe.
Then, without warning, he crouched down in front of you. The tall, untouchable Heeseung—the one who ignored every girl who chased after him, who made it clear he wanted nothing to do with messy attention—was kneeling, his long fingers brushing over your loose shoelace.
"I had a hard time finding you," he muttered, not loud enough for anyone but you to hear. His tone was casual, but his jaw was tight, his movements sharp with frustration as he tied the knot in one clean motion. "It really pissed me off, you know?"
Your throat went dry. Heat crawled up your neck, spreading across your face until you felt the tips of your ears burn.
Why? Why was he here? Why was he talking to you? This wasn't the Heeseung everyone else knew. He never lowered himself like this—not in front of everyone, not where people could see. He shut girls down without a glance, his cold indifference the very thing that made them chase harder. Yet here he was, focused on you with an intensity that made your stomach twist.
Around you, your classmates whispered furiously, unable to hide their shock. Some covered their mouths, others exchanged wide-eyed looks, but no one dared step closer.
"Can we talk?" His voice was steady, but softer than you expected, almost coaxing.
When you finally dared to look at him, his eyes caught yours. They weren't the eyes of the cold, untouchable Heeseung everyone claimed to know. No, they were gentle, wide, almost disarming, like he was looking through you and not just at you. He smiled—small, sweet, almost shy—and your lips trembled against the sudden wave of nerves.
"H-Huh?" Your voice cracked embarrassingly.
Before you could gather yourself, he reached forward and plucked your bag from your shoulder. His hand found yours in the same motion, his long fingers curling around your palm. The contact made your knees weaken, a sharp rush of heat flooding your chest.
Heeseung was holding your hand. Heeseung, who never even let girls close enough to breathe the same air without brushing them off, was lacing his fingers with yours in front of everyone!
"Let's get out of here first, hmm?" His tone carried a teasing lilt, but his grip on your hand was firm.
You could hardly process as he tugged you gently in the opposite direction, away from your frozen classmates whose whispers grew louder. Each step with him felt surreal, like walking straight into a dream you weren't ready for but couldn't pull away from.
Then, as if to seal the knot of heaviness swirling in your chest, his head tilted close, his breath warm against your ear.
what's better than riding a big horse? ride the owner, and his bigger horse!
𓊆박성훈 x fem reader𓊇 i make a lot of noise 'cause the girls they are so pretty. riding up and down broadway. on my old stud leroy. and the girls say, "save a horse, ride a cowboy!" everybody says, "save a horse, ride a cowboy!" ─ save a horse ride a cowboy, big & rich ⫶ 𐔌masterlist꒱
𓆩♡𓆪 you know i have to. i have to. speedrun the crap out of this <3 !! this is so nasty ahwhejdxj so just brace yourself for little plot n just filth >.< i hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless~ as usual, reblogs, comments, likes, and asks are soo appreciated!
word count 10k
warning advisory cheating, sexual tension is crazy, light possessive behaviour, lots of flirting, he's so fucking hot, they're so down bad for one another but adult style, innaccurate cowboy jargons, i don't proofread the smut because i'm shy
smut advisory more fucking than plot, making out all the fuckin' time, sunghoon has a big cock sorry, pussy eating/licking, squirting, fellatio, throat fucking, fucking against the countertop, face sitting, cowgirl (duh!), mating press, creampie, lots of dirty talking, profanity, reader orgasms a lot, reader's a lil bratty, dom!hoon, fucking while wearing the cowboy hat yeehaw >.<
“what the fuck…?”
the car sputtered one last time before the engine died completely, rolling to a pathetic stop on the empty stretch of highway. dust kicked up around the tires as you gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“no, no, no—come on!” you slammed your palm against the wheel, once, twice, the horn blaring uselessly into the dry air. the dashboard lights flickering like it’s mocking you before going dark.
dead.
just completely dead.
you twisted the key in the ignition again—nothing. not even a weak cough or a vibration—just silence. “baby, seriously? now?” your voice cracked with frustration as you let your forehead thud against the steering wheel—once, twice—hands gripping the wheel.
“i just got you out of the workshop!”
you were already running late, even dressed up nicer than usual—your baby tees that weren't oil stained for once, the one that hugged your curves just right, paired with shorts that fit, and the delicate necklace your boyfriend had given you last month.
not to mention, your hair was done, a touch of makeup—with that fluttery feeling in your tummy because tonight was supposed to be special. weeks of texting, late–night calls, finally seeing him again…
and now you were stuck on the side of some forgotten highway with a dead car and no signal.
you let out a shaky breath. thank god the sun wasn’t dipping yet—it was only around 4 p.m. there was plenty of daylight left, hours before the sky would think about turning purple orange. that bought you time to get some help and inform your boyfriend the car was broken.
except…
your phone had no signal.
“oh my gosh—is this a joke?” you shook your phone again, tapping the surface on your palm in hopes it’d suddenly receive a signal from somewhere. when it didn’t—you tossed your phone to the side, landing on the passenger seat.
“okay… okay yn, think,” you muttered to yourself, leaning back and rubbing your temples. pop the hood? you weren’t a mechanic—you’d only do damage to the car. or wait it out—someone had to drive by eventually, right?
you stared out the windshield at the empty road stretching both ways, the quiet was almost too loud. your eyes trailed up to the little hill. you could walk a little ways to see if you could find higher ground for signal?
but it’s so… high and your last meal was a brunch that was almost four hours ago…
sit here and… hope?
you reached for the door handle, about to step out and at least look like you were doing something, when a sound caught your ear—clearer and closer.
hoofbeats.
steady… unhurried… like the rider itself had all the time in the world.
you froze, hand still on the handle, and watched from the rearview mirror as he emerged fully into view.
a lone rider on a sleek black horse, moving along the edge of the highway. dark jacket opened over a fitted black shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. his black cowboy hat pulled low, shadowing his face just enough to make your stomach flip with curiosity.
the way he sat on the saddle—straight–backed, relaxed but controlled—that quiet confidence dripping off him.
the man guided the horse closer, slowing to a stop a respectful distance from your car. the animal snorted softly, tossing its head to the side, and the rider leaned forward to calm it with a gentle pat on the neck.
then—those dark eyes lifted to meet yours through the mirror.
sharp. intense.
your breath hitched in your lungs—he swung down from the saddle effortlessly, boots hitting the ground with a soft thud. tall—taller than you’d expected—long legs, lean build … biceps… the kind of presence that made the wide–open desert space around you feel suddenly smaller.
he adjusted his hat with one hand, the other holding reins loosely, and took a few slow steps toward your opened passenger window.
“hey there,” he said, voice low and smooth like… whiskey over ice, a faint tint drawl curling around the edges. he tilted his head just slightly, studying you—and the dead car—with calm interest.
“car troublin’ ya?”
your mouth went dry and you swore you forgot how to breathe. up close—he was even more fuckin’ striking. high cheekbones, honey skin glowing in the sunlight, lips pressed into a subtle line that hinted at amusement.
you… you didn’t know who this guy was—but fuck, he’s fucking hot.
you swallowed, managing a small nod. “y—yeah,” you finally said, voice coming out softer than you meant. “it just… died. won’t start—and there’s no signal out here.”
his gaze flicked to your phone on the passenger seat, then back to you. one corner of his mouth lifted.
“mind if i take a look?”
you gave him a small nod—he knew you’d say yes anyway, what option did you have? he stepped toward the front of the car. you popped the hood from inside, the latch clicking, then pushed the door open and climbed out.
the warm, dry, afternoon air hitting your skin.
sunghoon moved with that same unhurried motion, grace, looping the reins over his horse’s neck so she stayed put. he took off his jacket and rolled off his sleeves a little higher as he approached the engine, revealing his… toned forearms and biceps dusted with dust and sunlight.
you tried not to stare.
he leaned over the hood, one had bracing against the metal, the other tracing—his index and middle fingers—along the battery cables, checking connections… peering at belts and fluids… things that a pretty girl like you wouldn’t and shouldn’t know anyway.
those nice… slender fingers… suited being somewhere… better.
your eyes travelled at the way his black shirt stretched across his back and shoulders when he shifted… the light caught the sharp line of his jaw.
you stood a few feet away, arms loosely crossed against your chest, pretending to care about the car—but there’s a better view before you.
“battery looks fine,” he murmured, almost to himself. he straightened slightly, wiping a smudge of grease onto his jeans without care, then glanced over at you.
his eyes lingered.
not that… quick check–in if you were okay; but that slow… deliberate… lingering sweep—down the length of you. sunghoon swallowed in the baby blue baby tee clinging softly to your frame, the way your hair fell across your shoulders, the faint flush rising on your cheeks.
sunghoon tried so hard—so fucking hard—to not let his eyes fall onto the dip of your cleavage.
he failed.
when his gaze came back up to meet yours, he made it so obvious he was checking you out. there was something dark and unreadable flickering behind those orbs. curiousity—interest, something warmer than… the polite stranger act.
you shifted, suddenly hyper–aware of how close he was, how the faint scent of leather and sun–warmed skin drifted on the breeze.
“there’s a leak,” he said finally, tipping his chin toward your engine. “that’s why she overheated and shut down.” his tone was matter–of–fact, but he held your eyes longer than necessary made it feel anything but casual.
“...oh,” you managed, stepping closer—to see what he was pointing at—but honestly, just really drawn into his aura. you were so close to see the faint sheen at his temple, the way his lashes cast shadows. you were so close sunghoon could see the droplets of sweat trailing down the side of your neck, the way your upper teeth caught on your bottom lip.
he didn’t move.
instead, sunghoon stayed leaned against your car, arms loosely folded, watching you—not the engine—so painfully obvious it made your pulse flutter.
wow—you had no idea what’s leaking… in terms of the car, at least.
“you headed somewhere importan’?” he asked, voice dropping a fraction lower. his gaze flicked to your lips, then back up before you caught it. you swallowed. “mmhm. i… was supposed to meet… someone.”
a beat.
sunghoon’s head tilted slightly, the corner of his mouth twitched into the tiniest smirk. “must be real disappointed right now,” he said, soft and slow, eyes never leaving yours. your breath hitched and the tension coiled tighter, warm and heavy in your chest… spreading lower.
“i—it’s okay,” you said quickly, the words tumbling out shy and a little breathless. your laugh soft and nervous as you tucked a strand of hair. “they’ll understand.”
his eyes stayed on you for a beat, dropping down just a little on your collarbone—but that faint smirk deepened just enough to make your tummy flip. after what felt like hours, sunghoon pushed off your yellow car, straightening to his full height that just towered over you.
“sunghoon,” he said simply, extending his hand. his voice was low, steady.
sunghoon, you rolled his name mindlessly in the back of your mind, tasting his name on your tongue. “mmhm,” you slipped your hand into his—warm and rough against your bare, softer skin—his grip firm but careful, thumb brushing lightly over your knuckles.
the contact lingered, and neither of you pulled away first.
“yn,” you answered.
“yn,” he repeated, tasting the name like he was trying it out. a small nod, almost approving. sunghoon licked his lips before continuing. “pretty name for a pretty girl stuck on the side of the road.”
heat rushed to your cheeks and you quickly glanced away, pretending to look at the engine, but you could feel his gaze still on you. it’s so unfair, you thought.
you broke it first. “well,” sunghoon sighed, closing the hood with a gentle thud, wiping his hands on his handkerchief he pulled from his back pocket. “car’s ain’t gonna fix themselves out here. leaking like that—you’re not drivin’ anywhere tonight without coolant.”
you bit your lip, shaking your head, glancing at the empty hallway. “yeah… i figured.”
sunghoon looked at you—pity girl—then at his horse, then back at you—something flashed in his eyes.
“look,” he said, running his fingers through his dark locks. “i’ve got tools back at the ranch. spare house, too. it’s only a couple miles down the road.” he tilted his head slightly, making his gaze feel more intense.
“you can ride with me. get it fixed before dark, get your back on your way.”
your heart stuttered. ride with him..? ride him? on the horse? or…?
he must’ve seen the question in your eyes because the corner of his mouth lifted again. “my girl can take us both. or i can lead and walk, and you just sit pretty.”
you swallowed, glancing at the sun still high enough in the sky, the golden light catching on his shirt. then your gaze flicked back to the horse—big, calm, but still a horse…
what about… stranger danger…?
the thought slipped out before you could stop it, soft and uncertain, fingers twisting around the hem of your baby tee.
“um… what about stranger danger?” you asked, half laughing to cover your nerves, cheeks heating up again. you supposed you could just… ask this kind sunghoon stranger to return with a pipe… or something…
“i mean, i don’t know you—you don’t know me… and you want me to just… hop on your horse and ride off to your ranch?”
sunghoon paused. for a second, his expression didn’t really change, but the corner of his mouth curved. he’d find your worry both endearing and adorable.
cute.
“fair,” he said, shrugging. there was no defensiveness, or offense in it at all. he let his hand drop to his side, giving you space. “if you’re wonderin’ or scared, i get it. pretty girl alone out here—i’d be worried too.”
he glanced down the road in the direction he’d come from, then back at you.
“i live just a couple miles that way,” he continued, nodding toward a faint dirt turnoff you hadn’t noticed before. “there’s a diner right off the main road before you even get to my ranch—folks and ladies there know me.”
a small huff escaped him.
“or,” he added, tilting his head slightly, eyes softening. “we can walk the whole way. i’ll lead the way slow. you stay ten feet back if you want, i’ll even let you hold the reins.”
he said it completely serious too… like your comfort truly mattered more than getting back quickly. the sincerity in his voice, the way he didn’t push or be weird about it—just offering—made something in your chest loosen.
you looked at him again—you supposed… there was no point in waiting for other help to come by—and your heart gave a traitorous little thud.
“mm… okay. lead me the way.”
you slipped your hand out—and his fingers closed around yours and he guided you toward his horse. the animal watched you with dark eyes—much like the owner—ears flicking as you approached.
“easy now,” sunghoon murmured, more to the horse than you, running his hand down her neck. “snow’s gentle, she won’t throw you.”
he turned to you, smiling. “you ever been on a horse before?”
you shook your head, laughing nervously. “never… not even once—never had a reason to.”
a soft huff escaped him—almost a chuckle. “first time for everything.”
sunghoon moved to the side, cupping his hands together in a boost. “left foot here, grab the saddle horn and swing your right leg over it when i lift.”
your heart pounded, but you did as he said. sunghoon’s hands settled on your waist as he hoisted you up, strong and sure, and then you were in the saddle—legs dangling awkwardly, gripping the horn.
“eek—!”
he chuckled, swung behind you in a motion he’d done a billion times, settling in close—really close. his chest brushed your back as he reached around you for the reins, thighs framing yours, the heat of him immediately and overwhelming.
“you good?” sunghoon asked, voice low near your ear. you swallowed the lump in your throat, his warm breath hitting the shell of your ear. “m—mmhm,” you managed, hyper aware of every little shift and contact.
sunghoon’s arm circled loosely around your waist just to steady you on the horse—and you felt the subtle shift of his body as he nudged the horse forward with his heels.
snow started walking and rolling—making you sway instinctively. you tensed, gripping the horn harder.
“relax,” he said quietly, breathing now against the side of your neck. “lean back a little, i got you.”
you eased against him just slightly. his arm tightened the tiniest bit in response—reassured. the horse settled into a rhythm along the edge of the highway, hooves clopping against the dirt. the sun was still bright, golden, warm breeze carrying the scent of dry grass and… him.
for a minute, neither of you spoke.
until sunghoon broke it.
“so… where were you headed, dressed up like that?”
you laughed softly, glancing down at your baby tee and your nice jeans. “just… meeting someone.” sunghoon hummed, a deep sound that vibrated against your back from how close he was. “poor lad, waitin’ somewhere wonderin’ where you are right now.”
“probably,” you bit your lip, suppressing back a smile.
another beat.
his thumb brushed idly against the rein near your hip. “must be somethin’ special between you two,” he murmured, humming. “to get you out here lookin’ this pretty.”
your cheeks burned. you turned your head just enough to catch him—sharp line of his jaw… the brim of his hat shadowing his eyes.
“mayhaps,” you said softly. “could be i just like dressing up sometimes.”
sunghoon let out a quiet breath of laughter. “fair enough.”
snow kept walking, carrying you both on her strong body. you shifted slightly, getting used to the rhythm, and you slowly realised you weren’t as scared anymore.
actually… it felt kind of nice. the warmth of sunghoon, the strength of his arms, the quiet that didn’t feel awkward at all.
“so…” you said after a moment, corner of your lips twitched into a teasing smirk. “you do this often? rescue stranded girls on horseback?”
his lips curved—just a little. “first time of everything.”
you smiled despite yourself. “lucky me, then.”
he didn’t answer right away, just tightened his arm a fraction, guiding snow off the highway and onto the dirt path leading to the ranch. “yeah,” he said finally, voice warm against your ear.
“lucky me.”
——
sunghoon reached up for you, hands settling on your waist again—firm and steady—lifting you down like you weighed a feather. your boots hit the ground, but his hands lingered a second longer than necessary before he let go.
“welcome to the house,” he said dryly, gesturing at the perfect tidy yard. a faint smile tugged at his lips as he tied the reins. “come on in, i’ll grab you something while i check the garage.”
he led you up the porch steps and pushed open the front foor—no lock, you noticed. must be safe around here, you thought, humming. the cool air inside hit you—the faint smell of coffee and wood floors.
“make yourself at home,” sunghoon said, tipping off his hat and hanging it on a hook. his dark hair fell slightly messier without it, a few strands brushing his forehead. “water, iced tea, lemon—fridge it through there.” he nodded toward the open kitchen.
“i’ll be in the garage. shouldn’t take long.”
his space was simple and tidy—leather couch facing a fireplace, shelves lined with books and framed photos of … sunghoon and his friends. his six other friends. equally as fine. a worn acoustic guitar leaned in one corner, blankets folded neatly over the couch arm.
no clutter, nothing sterile either.
just him.
you wandered through the big picture window overlooking the fields, the late–afternoon light pouring in soft. a few horses grazed in the distance.
everything was peaceful in a way the city never was.
the glass of lemonade cold in your hand as you turned slowly. your eyes landed on a small cluster of framed photos near the front door—one of sunghoon on horseback, younger; another him with an older man who shared the same features. must’ve been his father.
you didn’t realise you’d drifted closer, drawn in by that smile on his face. you were standing right in front of it, lemonade tilted slightly in your grip—completely lost in the photo,
when the door swung open.
sunghoon stepped inside, grease smudged rag in one hand, the other pushing the door wide—and you startled hard.
the glass jerked in your fingers—cold lemonade sloshed over the rim, splashing down the front of your baby tee in a sticky streak that soaked straight through the thin fabric.
“oh—gosh—” you gasped, jumping back a step, holding the glass out. sunghoon’s eyes widened half a second before he was moving, closing the door behind him with his boot and crossing to you.
“fuck, sorry—didn’t mean to scare ya’,” he said, voice rushed, already reaching for the rag in his hand. but it was dirty, so he stopped. “gosh, you okay?”
you laughed, breathless, embarrassed heat flooding your face. the lemonade left a cold, clinging patch right… across your front. “it’s fine, i wasn’t paying attention,” you mumbled, dabbing at the stain with your fingers instead.
“was looking at your pictures.”
he didn’t move back, didn’t look away. the air between you felt suddenly too small and cold again… despite everything burning.
“i’ve got spare shirts in the laundry room,” he said after a beat, eyes dropping to the stain—pervert—once more before meeting yours again. “clean ones, if you want to change.”
you nodded slowly, heart thudding in against your ribs.
“mm.. yeah, sure,” you said softly, glancing up to him from underneath your lashes. “that… might be good.”
——
you peeled off your soaked baby tee, the sticky lemonade making it cling uncomfortably. you’re only grateful your bra was there to soak the rest before the liquid reached your skin.
his… white shirt was huge—falling halfway down your thighs and completely covering your shorts, sleeves past your elbows, the collar loose enough to slip off one shoulder if you weren’t careful.
it smelled like sunghoon—clean cotton and traces of wood musk.
“... nice,” you caught your reflection in the small mirror above your dryer and laughed quietly to yourself. you looked swallowed whole by it.
just then, your eyes landed on something else through the reflection—his brown cowboy hat, hanging on a hook just inside the door. the different one from what he wore earlier. you bit your lip, glancing toward the door.
no signs of him.
just for fun, you never wore a cowboy hat before.
you reached up on your tippy toes and plucked it off the hook, settling in your head. it was too big, obviously—sliding down over your eyebrows until you had to tip it back with a finger.
to be honest, you looked kinda… hot. yeah—seductive, almost.
you smoothed his shirt down, adjusted the hat, and pushed the door open.
sunghoon was leaning just against the kitchen counter, arms loosely crossed, looking down at his boots—but the second you stepped out, his head lifted.
and he froze.
his gaze swept over you—deliberately. the—his—oversized shirt hanging loose on your smaller frame, the hem brushing your thighs (only the little ripped strands of your shorts were showing up), the way the fabric draped over your shoulders.
that… hat tilting playfully on your head.
everything about him stilled. even the air felt heavier. his pants got tighter.
“everything’s… big,” you giggled, laughing to break the sudden tension, tugging at the sleeve that swallowed your hand. you gave a small spin, the shirt flaring slightly—you held the hat by the brim.
“like, really big.”
he didn’t laugh. didn’t even smile at first.
sunghoon just stared, his eyes darker than before, jaw tight, lips… wet.
then he pushed off the counter, closing the distance in one slow step.
“yeah?” he murmured, voice rougher, dropping an octave lower… low enough that you swore it vibrated in your chest. sunghoon reached out, fingers brushing the brim of the—his—hat, adjusting it slightly so it sat better.
so he could see your pretty face clearer.
his thumb grazed your temple as he did.
“looks better on you.”
your breath caught. he was close again—too close—hand lingering near your face. you could feel the heat radiating off him, the faint scent of his musk and sweat filling every inch of space between you.
he didn’t step back.
he took a slow step forward—then another.
until your back met the wall with a soft thud, the cool wood at your spine contrasting to what’s warming you up in front of you. the hat tilted slightly on your head as you tipped it back to look up at him, and his eyes—heavy lidded—locked onto yours.
“r—really?”
his hand dropped from the brim, trailing down the side of your neck, over the loose collar of his shirt on you, until his palm settled at your waist. fingers splayed wide—possessive—puling you in just a fraction closer.
then his hand went lower, skimming the curve of your hip, thumb pressing lightly into the dip above your shorts.
you didn’t want to move.
your hands came up instantly, fingers curling into the front of his black shirt, feeling his heart thumping under your palms.
“mmhm,” sunghoon leaned in, forehead almost touching yours, breath warm against your lips. “you’ve been driving me crazy since i saw you in that car,” he said, voice low. “now you’re in my shirt, my hat—lookin’ like you belong here or somethin’.”
your lips parted, but no words came—just a soft, shaky exhale.
his gaze dropped to your mouth.
“you do this often?” sunghoon murmured, his fingers drumming your skin. “wreck your car hopin’ some stranger’ll come along and fix it?”
you felt the words more than heard them… the teasing edge softened by the way his thumb traced your hip.
“only cowboys like you,” you whispered, the words barely out before—
sunghoon closed that tiny gap.
he slammed his lips against yours—evoking a soft, surprised gasp out of you—his hand slid from your hip to the small of your back, pressing you flush against him and positioning his knee in between your legs.
you melted almost instantly into his mouth, hands sliding up his chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him down as sunghoon angled his head to kiss you harder and deeper. his tongue traced your bottom lip, teasing, then slipped inside when you gasped for him—slow, hot, unhurried.
it made your knees buckle and weak.
sunghoon groaned quietly when you tagged at his hair, the sound rumbling through his chest into yours. “ngh—hngh—” you moaned into his mouth, tugging him down. the hat titled precariously; but he caught it with one hand, readjusting it on top of your head without breaking the kiss.
both of his hands were back on you—one splayed across your lower back, the other cupping your jaw, thumb stroking your cheek, lifting your head up. sunghoon glided his tongue along your row of teeth, tasting you slow and thorough.
a low hum rumbled in his chest when you parted for him, your own tongue meeting his in a slick curl that made you tighten your grip around his shirt. “hah—s—sunghoon,” you breathed out. your salivas mixed, messy and hot, a thin strand connecting your lips when he pulled back just enough to breathe—
only to dive back in harder, swallowing every little whimper and moan.
sunghoon kissed like he worked for it… having complete control like he would with snow—angling your head to take it deeper how he wanted it to be. your back arched against the wall as his hand on your lower back slid lower, palm running along the globe of your ass before it spread over the curve of your hip.
“ah—,” you gasped as he pressed forward. you felt the head line of his cock beneath his jeans against your stomach—he was just as wrecked as you were.
sunghoon broke the kiss only to drag his mouth along your jaw, teeth scraping at the sensitive spot under your ear before coming back to your lips, no less filthy than before—long and wet and deep that left you dizzy.
your pussy was growing crazily wet and warm—heat pooling your tummy as you began grinding and rubbing yourself on his knee.
“still wanna get that car fixed?” he whispered, teasing against your swollen mouth, lips brushing but not quite kissing.
you panted, looking up at him through half lidded eyes, before answering by pulling him back in, kissing him open–mouthed and desperate, fingers threading through his hair to keep him there. he groaned into you, low and raw, and kissed you back just as deep.
sunghoon’s hands roamed—down your sides, slipping into the loose fabric of his shirt on you—until he suddenly spun you around in a smooth motion—your palms hitting the kitchen counter with a slap.
“hngh—?” you gasped as he pressed in behind you, chest to your back, hips slotting against you. sunghoon didn’t stop kissing you—his strong… bigger hand came up to your jaw, fingers curled around your soft jaw as he turned your head sideways so he could claim your mouth from this new angle.
deep.. messy, relentless—the other hand splayed across your tummy, pulling you flush.
“fuck,” he murmured, grinding slow and deliberate against the curve of your ass through your shorts, the friction sending sparks down your cunt. a low rumble vibrated from his chest as he rolled his hips again, his hard on pressing hard between your asscheeks.
sunghoon’s lips broke from yours to drag wet kisses along your exposed side of your neck, teeth grazing the skin as he left angry lovebites before he turned your face toward him again, capturing your mouth in another horny kiss.
all while his hips kept that rhythm—rubbing against you, clothed but undeniably fucking horny. “you feel what you’re doin’ to me?”
you could only whimper in response, arching your back and pushing against him—eliciting a groan out him, deeper, his hips snapping forward—so fucking hard—before he slowed.
you pulled back to catch your breath, knees weakening as you braced yourself on your forearms. the words slipped out before you could stop them—half plea, half teasing.
“are you going to keep humpin’ me, or are you going to let me ride you, cowboy?”
the air went still for a beat.
the corner of his lips twitched—and so did his eye—sunghoon scoffed dryly. you barely had time to register the shift in his energy and demeanour before his palm cracked against your ass through the denim.
not gentle.
a firm, stinging smack echoed in the kitchen made you gasp, jolting forward against the corner.
“watch that mouth,” he hummed low against your ear, body still pinned, his hand caressing the globe of your ass where he’d just smacked them. “you don’t get to call the shots just yet.”
you breath hitched at the first rush of the sting, at the command of his voice. you bit your lip to keep another bratty remark to yourself—but failed to hide the way your hips rolled back against him.
he huffed before he moved—hands gripping your thighs to keep you steady, turning you just enough to guide you back against the counter before he sank down.
slowly.
until sunghoon was on his knees behind you, eye level with the curve of your ass, one palm smoothing over the spot he’d just smacked. “i’ll tell you what to do,” he murmured, thumbs hooking into the waistband of your jeans. he didn’t ask; just straight up unbuttoned them with a quick flick of his slender fingers and tugged everything down in one drag—
jeans and panties together—until they pooled at your knees.
“mmmh,” cool air hit your skin, but only for a second before his warm hands were back on your asscheeks, spreading them apart from behind. “hold still, pretty girl,” he muttered—and just like that—
his mouth was on your cunt.
no teasing and no hesitation—just confidence dripping down like your juices down your thighs. sunghoon licked a long, flat stripe up your centre, groaning low at the taste that he’d been starving for. “ungh—oh gosh,” you gasped, knees buckling on his face as you gripped the counter harder, shaky moans slipping out.
sunghoon’s tongue circled your clit from behind—once, twice—sucking the little pea in pressure that made your hips jerk back against his face. “fuckin’ hell, so sweet,” he rasped. his strong arm banded across your lower tummy, locking you in place—on his handsome face, sharp nose digging between your ass.
he didn’t let you move or shift as much as he slipped his tongue inside your cunt—sliding back up, in and out, flicking, and swirling around inside. “s—sunghoon, sunghoon,” you moaned softly, eyes fluttering.
wet sounds filled up his kitchen, filthy and so fucking obscenely loud—his mouth working you open, lips sealing like he’s making out with your pussy lips now before it moved around your clit again and again, sucking until your thighs trembled.
he sucked and tugged the pea towards him.
it’s something you’ve never, not in the years of your life, ever experienced. every time you tried to push back down for more, sunghoon only tightened his hold and slowed down like he’s telling you that you’re not in charge here.
then, he dragged his tongue in lazy, torturous strokes until you whined, before speeding up suddenly—fast with relentless flicks that had you gasping his name. “your tongue feels s’good, oh fuck,”
his free hand came up between your legs, two fingers sliding into you without warning, stretching you tight cunt and curling deep and stroking in time with his tongue. the combo wrecked you badly—your head dropped forward, forehead pressing to the cool counter as your toe curled inwards on itself.
“w—what—?! oh, fuck, sunghoon—”
he hummed against you, the vibration sending sparks in your tummy, and doubled down. “gotta stretch you out before i give you the real thing,” he murmured against your wet cunt, sucking hard, fingers thrusting faster, pressing on that spongy spot inside.
your legs shook as you began subtly riding on his two fingers as he flicked your clit with the tip of his tongue. “‘m cumming, wanna cum, cum—,” you whined adorably, chest heaving as pleasure swelled up in your gut.
“mmhm—?” sunghoon hummed teasingly, you felt the corner of his lips twitched. you tightened around his fingers—walls spasming around his digits. sunghoon curled his fingers inside and traced his name against your walls.
he’s so fucking filthy, it’s disgustingly hot.
an ecstasy tidal wave quickly rushed over you—and before you knew it, your walls pulsated before you came right on his fingers and tongue, against his face. “oh fuck—!” you cried out sharply, curling your hands into fists as you hung your head low.
every limbs of yours felt like jelly, your body twitched—clenching around him as he licked you through every pulse, gulping down your juices and squirt that trailed down your inner thighs.
“fuck, you’re so sweet, so good,” he moaned, slowly pulling his fingers out that left you empty almost instantly, pussy squeezing the thin air. your thighs trembled in pleasure as sunghoon spread your asscheeks with his wet fingers, pressing one last slow, deliberate long lick from your sensitive clit up to your entrance.
“good girl,” he whispered, hands smoothed up your sides before rising behind you.
“now… about that ride you wanted…”
you turned in his arms, still buzzing, still twitching, legs unsteady. sunghoon’s eyes were swimming with lust, lips slick and swollen from you. the hard line of him pressed against your hip through his jeans—impossible to ignore.
a slow, wicked smile tugged at your mouth as you sank down now—your turn, mirroring the way he’d just knelt for you—until you were on your knees in front of him.
sunghoon’s breath hitched, hand automatically coming up to lift the brim of his hat to look at your face. you looked up at him from under your curled lashes, palms sliding up his thighs, feeling his cock tense and twitch under denim.
“fair’s fair, cowboy,”
he exhaled a rough laugh, thumb brushing your bottom lip. “you don’t have to—”
but you were already popping the button on his jeans, dragging the zipper down slow enough to make him groan—preparing himself. “don’t have to what?” you asked innocently, tugging everything down just enough, and his—
his cock sprang free—thick, heavy, flicked dark and already leaking precum at the tip.
your eyes widened and your breath hitched, his cock throbbed right in front of your eyes—it casted shadow over your face. your lips parted, a gasp escaped your lips.
sunghoon was fucking big—no, huge—the biggest you’ve ever seen before.
you could tell it was painful for him from the way his cock twitched in neediness, a low hiss escaped from his lips. “shit… surprised?”
you wet your lips before swallowing the lump in your throat. there was… almost no way it’d fit in your mouth, much less your pussy. but you wrapped your hands around him—even with both hands, it still wasn’t enough to hold his whole cock—stroking once, twice, feeling him throb in your grip.
sunghoon’s head tipped back slightly, jaw clenched, but his eyes stayed locked on you.
you continued jerking him off in your hands, dragging every skin, feeling every veins, milking more of his precum that trailed on the side of your hands. “i thought only horses have big cocks…” you murmured before leaning in—tongue flicking out to taste the bead at the head, salty and warm—before taking him into your mouth in one slow slide.
“but i guess their owners have too…?”
“fuck—” the curse tore out of him, low and husky, fingers tightening at your hair as his hat tipped to the side a little. he didn’t push, just holding as you took him in deeper, lips stretching around him.
you only managed to take half of his cock inside your mouth before pulling back almost all the way, tongue swirling around the tip, then took him again, deeper this time, cheeks hollowing. sunghoon tasted manly—sweaty, but not the nasty kind. just… a man.
his hips twitched, but he let you set the pace yourself. you worked him slow at first—wet, messy suckings, hand twisting in strokes at the base at the same time as your mouth—then faster, taking him in as far as you could until the tip hit your uvula, and your eyes watered.
“yn, fuck,” he groaned your name. your mouth was warm and wet, like entering a slimy, hot pond, cock totally engulfed in your saliva. it felt heavenly. you were disheveled and messy—but still so hot. glossy and smudged lipstick over your lips, leaving a pink ring mark around his cock with your flushed cheeks.
every time you pulled off to breathe, you looked up—watching his handsome face, thick brown furrowing, lips parted before his canines dragged the bottom lip, the muscle in his jaw jumping as he fought not to thrust and fuck your mouth.
you hummed around him, the vibration sending sparks up his cock that made it twitch and he cursed again, “just like that,” he murmured.
you took him inside your mouth again, this time picking up your speed and pace in sucking him—the tip hitting the back of your throat, causing you to gag and roll your eyes behind.
his veins glided along your wet tongue, sunghoon squeezed his eyes shut as wet, clicky sounds filled the space. sunghoon falls into his temptation and thrusts his hips upward, hitch in his breath as you deepthroat him.
“shit, ‘m cummin, fuck,”
his whole body went rigid, hips jerking shallowly before spilling hot down your throat, pulse after pulse. your eyes widened but didn’t pull away, taking it all. contrasting from how soft you hummed around him while he shuddered through it, curses and your name tumbling from his lips.
your throat worked in gulps as you swallowed his milk down, hands steadying his thighs. sunghoon sagged back against the counter, chest heaving as you eased off low—lips sliding along his cock until he slipped free with a pop.
a thin strand of cum and spit connected you before breaking.
“hah… hngh,” you looked up at him, wiping the corner of your mouth with your thumb before slipping it inside your mouth to lick it clean, a smug little smile tugging at your messy lips. sunghoon stared down at you, breathing ragged, furrowing.
“jesus fuckin’ christ,” he muttered, running his hand down his face before reaching down to haul you up by your arms until you were pressed against him, foreheads touching. “you’re g’nna kill me.”
then he kissed you—deep, filthy—combining both the taste of him and you on your tongue and groaning into it. his hands slid down to grip your thighs, turning and lifting you easily onto the counter.
“my turn again,” he murmured, hiking up your—his—shirt until it bunched at your waist. you were fully exposed to him from the hips down. “i ain’t stoppin’, so don’t tell me to.”
you only whimpered in response as sunghoon’s palm splayed across your lower stomach, holding you while the other hand wrapped around his cock, guiding himself to your entrance. the head of his cock scooped your slickness.
sunghoon teased you by slipping in just the head, stretching you and barely enough to evoke a soft gasp from your lips. from behind, he smirked at your reaction, looking down at how your slick hung down from his cock.
“easy now,” he muttered, hissing as finally pushed in slow. the stretch was immediate though, thick and burning in the best way possible. you gasped aloud, head falling forward, fingers clawing at the granite as he sank deeper—inch by inch—until he almost bottomed out with a low, guttural groan against your neck.
“oh my fuckin’ god, sunghoon,” you cried out, feeling him in your stomach. “shit, you’re perfect,” he rasped, pulling back almost all the way before snapping his hips forward, hard—burying all his inches inside you. the slap of skin echoed in the kitchen as your body jolted forward with the force, the hat you’re wearing tipped sideways.
he set a relentless, needy pace from the start—deep and punishing thrusts that had you moaning and crying with every slam, his hand on your stomach pressed down his bulging cock through your flesh, feeling the skin swelling.
his other hand gripped your hip, steadying you while his fingers dug hard enough to bruise, pulling you back to meet every roll of his hips. “so goddamn tight,” he hissed, teeth grazing your shoulder.
“takin’ me like you’re made for me.”
every thrust only dragged your walls, the head slamming and bullying that soft spot inside you, forming a wave of pleasure that coiled tighter and tighter until you’re left trembling against the counter. your breath hitched, babbling his name.
“more—more, more, more,” you whined. sunghoon didn’t let you up, his fingers moved down to work on your clit, rolling and rubbing his middle finger on that little pea as his hips snapped forward without mercy.
sunghoon’s so horny it’s fucking crazy—he fucked into you deep and hard, every thrust punching air from your lungs. sweat beaded along his neck, rolled down his collarbone; dark hair stuck to his forehead—barely leashed hunger.
he was always like this when he finally snapped—weeks, sometimes months, of nothing but endless ranch work and journey, early mornings, late nights, calloused hands busy with fences and horses and hay to even think about getting laid.
there’s almost no time for bars, patience for games (although he liked to indulge himself in dart games), just pure, pent up need stacking higher and higher.
so when you showed up—pretty, stranded, looking at him with those wide, pleading eyes, spilling lemonade down your shirt and ending up in his clothes and hat, space, hands…
a girl like you, soft and city–sweet and practically begging to be taught how the town works, walking straight into his world—he couldn’t have stopped if he tried. he didn’t want to stop.
a guttural sound tore out of him when you tightened, fingers rubbing your clit harder, pressing down. “fuck—take it,” he rasped. “take every fuckin’ inch,”
you gasped, blossoming with excitement and arousal. your pleasure spills out in trembling moans, breathy cries mixing with the echo of your skin slapping together. “fuck, fuck, it feels so good, hoonie,”
his eyes twitched before he delivered a smack against your asscheeck, the flesh jiggling before he quickly smoothed it down with his hand. “good,” he panted, clamping his teeth down on your shoulder. the sound of his balls slapping against your cunt reverberated through the kitchen.
“wanna cum, a—again, please,” you pleaded, lips parting as you hung your head down. his cock was able to delve deeper from this position of your leg on the countertop, spreading your thighs further. “hm—? cummin’ again already?” sunghoon chuckled softly, slamming and bucking his hips up that the tip slammed against your cervix.
you nodded eagerly, whimpering. you’re so overstimulated—couldn’t think straight at the way your pussy spasmed around his throbbing length. “please, please i wanna cum real bad,” you whined, pleading.
sunghoon dragged his nails and held your hips, his cock dragged against your velvety walls. “show me,” his words broke apart, the rhythm of his hips frantic and desperate. he wasn’t as close to cumming, and he wished to keep fucking you—but he supposed city girls didn’t have a lot of stamina.
“cum on my fuckin’ cock, baby,”
you cursed out loud as a gush of warm liquid squirted out and down on your thighs—and his cock totally engulfed him warm and wet. he was buried so deep inside you, not moving as much to allow you to steady yourself.
the orgasm crashed over you like a tsunami—overwhelmingly relentless. your vision whited out at the edges, walls clenching around him in rhythmic pulses, milking him, pulling him deeper like your body refused to let go.
heat bloomed low in your tummy and spread in shocks as your body twitched, slumping on the counter. “oh gosh—oh my gosh,” you whimpered, thighs trembling, breath sharp, desperate gasps.
“fuck—look at you,” sunghoon rasped, fingers digging into your hips as he thrust through your climax, chasing his own release in the tight, slick grip—still not pulling out. “soakin’ me like that…”
you felt vulnerable and claimed—there was no fucking way any other men can ever come close to this—sunghoon, his demeanour, his energy, his cock—ever again. not your boyfriend, not any boys anywhere.
the wet mess between your legs proof of how thoroughly he done fucked you up.
“hngh—ah, i…” your words trailed off as you panted, pussy twitching around his cock… you stayed like that for a long moment—bent over his counter, wearing his shirt, his hat—his chest heaving against your back.
sunghoon caressed the globe of your asscheek, spreading to see his wet cock and the way your squirt dripped down on his tiles. “you what?”
you shook your head, biting your bottom lip to stifle another whimper, then turned your head just enough to meet his gaze—eyes glassy, cheek adorably flushed, with that little bratty smile.
“i still haven’t ridden the cowboy…”
sunghoon’s eyes widened for a fraction before a grin spread across his face.
“oh darlin’,” he chuckled softly. “you’re takin’ the reins.”
——
“oh fuck—!”
the sound tore out of you, high and whimpery as sunghoon licked straight up between your pussy lips one long stroke. no teasing this time—just pure filth and hunger. his tongue plunged inside you, swirling and thrusting back and forth inside your cunt, lips sealing around to suck hard.
your hands flew to the wooden headboard for balance, gripping the wood, hips rocking instinctively against his handsome face. the tip of his nose brushed your clit every time you moved.
sunghoon groaned into you, the vibration going up your cunt. his hand held your hips from falling, the other wrapped around his throbbing cock, jerking off the taste of your cunt and the sound of your moans.
wet sounds filled this room now, his nose brushing your clit as he devoured you from below.
“hoonie—fuuuckkkk,” you whimpered, head falling back as you quickly held the hat on your head. sunghoon insisted—begged—you keep it on your head. said it’s fuckin’ hot, said you’re—
his.
sunghoon answered by clamping his teeth down on your flesh, not hard that it’s painful, but enough for you to feel the pressure and his canines. his one hand left your hip to reach up and palm your tits, thumb flicking the nipple while he sucked your clit relentless.
there’s no way you could last much longer. not like this—not with him eating and tongue–fucking you like a straved man.
and from the way his hips rolled up in his grip, cock leaking against his hand—he was loving every second of it.
“hoonie, here it is’, oh jesus,” your voice broke as you grind harder. the orgasm hit like a bungee—your whole body tensed as your thighs trembled and kept his head locked between you as you came hard down on his face.
a rush of warmth flooded out of you again, coating his mouth, chin, and sunghoon licked you clean, drinking your liquid down. your legs gave out completely and you sagged forward against the headboard, panting, shaking, the aftershocks rippling through you as he gentled his tongue in soothing licks to ease you.
slowly, sunghoon lifted you off him—guiding you down to straddle on his hips again. his face was slick with you, lips red and swollen, eyes dark and triumphant as he looked at you—hair a mess, tipped hat, chest heaving.
your nipples perked up.
“fuck,” he rasped, cupping your tits. “you taste even better the second time.”
you collapsed forward onto his chest, feeling his cock hard and hot against your stomach.
sunghoon wrapped his arms around you, one hand stroking your back, the other tangling in your hair. “ready to be a cowgirl, babe?” he murmured against your temple, hips rolling up once—his cock glided against your tummy. “or you need another minute?” he teased.
you whimpered and shook your head, already shifting your hips and straightening your spine. you placed your hands on his toned chest, biting your lip.
“no more minutes,” you murmured, flicking your thumbs over his nipples. “i want my cowboy now.”
he grinned, rolling his eyes playfully.
“then take him.”
you didn’t need to be told twice.
you sank down slowly at first—teasing the head along your folds, coating, moving your hips and drawing it out until his hands gripped your hips. silent warning to not tease him—he ain’t the strongest soldier here.
you giggled softly before taking him in one smooth drop, all the way to the hilt.
“ngh—!” the stretch burned perfectly, filling and stretching you up that you both groaned at the same time at the pleasure. your head tipped back slightly, his fingers digging into the flesh. sunghoon was thick, hot, throbbing inside and you felt every inch as you adjusted, walls fluttering around him.
you were pretty, tight, warm—wrapping around him nicely.
“fuck,” he hissed, eyes squeezing shut before he opened them again, watching the lewd expression on your face. “juuust like that… ride me, pretty cowgirl,”
you began—rolling your hips in deep, lazy circles, grinding down so he hit every spot inside on every pass. your hands braced on his chest, nails dragging lightly over his skin as you lifted yourself and sank back down.
like a cowgirl—sunghoon let you lead for a while; watching you through half lidded eyes, one hand slipping up to play with your tits, thumb teasing your nipple in the same breath as your movements. the other stayed on your hip, guiding but not controlling.
he lets you take what you want.
but that only lasted a while.
you started moving faster, riding, hoping (more like a bunny, than a cowgirl)—tits bouncing so lewdly, pitchy little ah, ah ah’s moans escaping your lips. the slap of skin got louder, his cock disappeared as quick as he saw it.
sunghoon couldn’t stay still anymore.
his hips snapped up to meet you halfway, driving deeper, harder, making your cries louder as pleasure spiked suddenly.
“that’s it,” his voice wrecked, sitting up suddenly so you were chest to chest, his hands on your hips as he lifted you up and down on his cock, pulling you down harder onto every thrust.
“fuckin’ ride me just like that—use me,”
you clung to his shoulders, nails biting into his skin, moving together in a frantic rhythm. your sweat dripped down on his skin as his did too, sunghoon’s mouth found your neck where he sucked marks into your skin as you clenched tighter.
“hoonie, hoonie, so good, feels s’good,” you whimpered, holding his hat on your head with one hand, the other wrapped around his neck.
“come on,” he chuckled low and filthy against your throat, your head tipped back. one of his hands palmed your tits, pinching your perky bud. “keep ridin’ me like that. fuck—takin’ my cock so good. you’re made for this ranch—made for me,”
you nodded, his balls slapping the curve of your ass as you go—giggling—just mind fucked over his cock.
“love it, don’t cha?” he kept going with his filthy talks, breath hot against your skin. “love bouncin’ on a cowboy you just met, creamin’ all over him while your little guy’s waitin’ somewhere,” sunghoon hummed, lips grazing the slope of your shoulder.
“bet he’s never fucked you this good—never made this pussy cream so many times in one evening.”
you moaned louder, clenching at his voice and words. he grinned against your neck, thrusting up harder to meet you.
“say it,” he rasped, rolling your nipple slow and mean between his fingerpads. “tell me how good you’re gettin’ it.”
“hoonie—” you whined, walls fluttering wildly.
“say it,” he coaxed, hands dropping to grip your ass, guiding you faster, deeper. “tell me whose cock you’re gonna be thinkin’ about from now on,”
you were too far gone to care—pleasure coiling tight and how low in your tummy. “yours,” you gasped, hat tilting crooked as you slammed down faster. “only yours—hoonie, fuck—only you, wanna be yours,”
sunghoon’s cock twitched. “that’s my girl,” he praised, voice dripping sin, hips snapping. “cream this cock again. milk me—let me feel that pretty pussy.”
and with his mouth on your collarbone, fingers twisting your nipple, his thick cock dragging your velvety walls—you came.
your whole body seized—back arching, a broken cry tearing from your throat. another rush of warmth flooded out of you, soaking where you joined, dripping down his length and onto his thighs. the fourth orgasm rolled through you, thighs shaking.
sunghoon groaned as well, holding you tight but he didn’t follow you over the edge—not yet. the night is still young, after all. his cock throbbed inside, impossibly harder, slick with release, but he gritted his teeth, letting you ride the aftershocks while he stayed buried.
“hngh—i—hah,” you slumped forward, panting against his chest, hat slipping sideways. sunghoon caught it and settled it back on your head. “came so pretty for me,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.
“but i’m not done with you yet.”
he didn’t give you much time to recover before his arms hooked under your knees and he flipped you onto your back. the air left your lungs as your body bounced lightly on his mattress. “hm—?”
sunghoon folded you in half, knees pushed to your shoulders, hips tilted up—completely open, bare, exposed, and pinned beneath him in a deep, filthy—
mating press.
the hat finally tumbled off your head and onto the pillow. you barely noticed before sunghoon picked it up and wore it himself.
sunghoon loomed over you, dark hair falling into his eyes, cock still rock–hard and wet as he nudged back inside in a slow thrust. the new angle dragged him deeper than before—stretching you wide, pressing and making your eyes roll back from pleasure.
“fuck… look at ya,” he chuckled, hips rolling slow to let you feel every thick inch. “takin’ me so deep… pussy made for me, wasn’t it?”
you could only nod and whimper, looking up at him with doe, glassy eyes and swollen lips from clamping down. you looked so fucking feastible like this—body filled with his lovebites, nipples perky and red from pinching, your sweaty and glossy skin—
so perfect.
sunghoon only meant to help a poor stranded girl with her broke down car, he swore—but he supposed ending the day with a girl didn’t sound so bad.
he began moving—long, solid hard strokes that punched the air from your lungs each time he pulled up. the position left you no room to move, no escape from the overwhelming fullness, every thrust driving him against your g–spot.
sweat dripped down from his brow onto your chest—sunghoon crashed his lips against yours in open mouthed kisses with tongue involved. “tell me again,” he snapped his hips to draw a cry out of you. “who’s makin’ you feel this good?”
“you—hoonie, only you—,” the words slipped out rushly. sunghoon chuckled, the headboard knocked against the wall from the way your folded body rocked with every thrust, breasts bouncing. sunghoon gripped the backs of your thighs to keep you spread wide and pinned.
“gonna ruin you for anyone else,” he rasped, eyes locked on where you joined—his cock disappeared inside you over and over. “everytime you close your eyes, you’re g’nna remember how deep i got, how hard i fucked you, how many times i made this tight pussy come.”
your heart thumped, tummy’s doing cartwheels at his words. “yes! please, please, please—’m cumming!” you gasped, back arching as you dragged your nails down his shoulders. sunghoon’s relentless thrusts hitting your soft spot without mercy.
the coil snapped again—you came with a cry of his name, walls clamping down around him in tight, waves, another nth gush of warmth soaking you both as you whole body shook helplessly in his hold.
“fuck,” sunghoon cursed filthy, fucking you turned erratic as he chased his own high. a few more deep, brutal strokes and burying himself to the hilt—sunghoon spilled inside of you, pulsing hot and endless streaks of semen, hips jerking through every wave.
he held your hips up, milking himself dry as your pussy spasmed around him, squeezing every last drop. “shit… shit…” he panted, staying pressed for a long moment as he lazily thrusted his cum inside.
both of you panted, trembling, sweat slick, and spent. your body twitched in pleasure, eyes fluttering shut as you catch your breath. slowly, carefully, sunghoon eased your legs down, letting them fall open around his hips as he pulled his cock out.
cum dribbled down your puffy, swollen cunt, messy—sliding down your folds and onto his sheets beneath you. more followed as your body slumped down.
sunghoon’s gaze dropped between your legs before back on your face—his hand gently stroking your thigh like he couldn’t stop touching you. his cowboy hat tilted crookedly on his head, casting a shadow over his eyes as he fixed it.
you whimpered—too sensitive and overstimulated—but didn’t pry him off when he pushed his cum lazily inside just to watch you shiver. finally, sunghoon leaned down, lips brushing to exhaustedly kiss you—your lips, cheeks, and temple.
“you okay, darlin’?” he murmured, arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his chest as he rolled to the side. sunghoon tucked you against him, tangling your legs together.
you nodded into his neck, fingers tracing idly. “more than okay.” you murmured, “never been better.” sunghoon huffed a hum, kissing the top of your head.
“good,” he said simply, voice low in the dim room. “‘cause car’s definitely ain’t gettin’ fixed anytime soon,” he murmured, pulling the blanket to cover the two of you. “means ‘m keepin’ you here till mornin’. maybe longer.”
the last of the daylight had faded into deep twilight.
oh well—
your… ex boyfriend waiting somewhere could sit tight and wonder all he wanted; his plans had been bucked off the trail the moment the real cowboy rode in.
this filly had found her herd, and she wasn’t wandering back to any old pasture soon.
you supposed some breakdowns are just detours to exactly where you’re meant to end up.
synopsis ⦂ au in which an innocent, shy, and faithful sunghoon takes a summer job as a farmhand. he’s never indulged on his desires until the farmer’s daughter shows him a taste of sin. although riddled with guilt, he cannot deny or escape the new rousing feelings that impurify him. especially when she's set on ruining him every chance she gets.
genre ⦂ smut, slow burn romance, strangers to lovers
word count ⦂ 29k
tags ⦂ fluff and angst, repressed desires, innocence loss, guilt and shame, exploring relationships, falling in love, southern gothic vibes, summer au, clingy down bad sunghoon, ‘mean’ morally gray reader, both are weirdo loser freaks
content advisory ⦂ mdni ! dark-ish content ⚠︎ sexually explicit content in four scenes: handjob, oral (m. rec.), dry humping, thigh fucking, unprotected sex, virginity loss, corruption!kink, degradation!kink, praise!kink, switch!hoon, he whines whimpers and cries; religious themes, concepts, corruption, and criticism; manipulation, animal death, blood, intense scenes, abusive parenting, gun mention and use
note ⦂ poured my heart out. i hope you love it as much as i do. dedicated to my other evil, off-putting, and/or weird girls┊reblogs and feedback encouraged ⇀ playlist ⸝⸝ masterlist 🌾
You’re not sure what life in your small town was like before you were born. You can imagine it’s not too different from what it is now though. The thing about old country towns is they never seem to change. Open fields and miles of farmland. Two gas stations, one grocery store, a few family owned vegetable stands or in-home produce product shops. Only one notable neighborhood where the majority of the townspeople lived if not hidden somewhere else in the countryside. And too many churches to keep track of if the abandoned ones were included in the count.
You like to think your parents were happy before you too. Hopeful and optimistic when offered to take over your uncle’s farm. Excited for the next step in their relationship after their marriage. They were the ideal family dream coming to life: high school lovers, engaged after graduation, married, a career handed to them through family with a large property of land and lovely farmhouse. All that was left was to grow that family. To have children to not only help tend the fields and animals but run around barefoot, all smiles, and wide eyed.
You were positive that it was something they wanted.
But life couldn’t have been that easy for them; it would’ve been too gratuitous of a blessing.
The day you were born, your father knew there was something greatly wrong with you. He claimed that on the day you ripped your mother open, screaming and crying, that God spoke to him for the first time. He called it divine intervention. Believing the birth of your soul was a red-herring of all that was set to come but God would show him the light, the truth: that you were nothing short of evil and needed saving.
That year on the farm there was nothing but death. It only furthered your father’s harsh thinking of you. The crops and produce either died or rotted before it had the chance to grow or ripe. The animals were dropping dead from unknown illnesses. Every female livestock that gave birth passed in doing so. Barely any profits were made that year. Taxes were rising and so were the prices of nearly everything. It was a huge toll for your family, especially when raising their first child. Before you were even conscious of the situation everything was already deemed your fault.
Through the harrowing struggle, your father’s optimism turned to resentment. He claimed that bringing you to the farm was not like bringing a daughter home, but a corrosive parasite. He believed that you were the reason for the life being sucked away from their perfect farm life. So, he turned to the only thing that he could trust to save the family from your curse: God. Begging and pleading through prayers every morning and night to the sky for a better season.
He studied religion here and there before taking over his brother-in-law's farm but with the farm failing for the first time, he took a change of career paths. He was already well known among the locals, close with the church goers in the community. And somewhere along the way, he managed to start preaching himself. Nearly every christian in your town moved churches to follow where he went. Like sheep to a shepherd.
If only they knew what you did, what he was truly like behind the closed doors of your home. How his devotion was turning to violence. Day by day, becoming uglier.
While your father busied himself with his new found family, often away from home on the farm, the crops and animals began to thrive again. Slowly but surely, growing and regaining health. He would say it’s God’s doing, a small taste of His salvation.
Your early years were mostly troubled by the relationship of your parents. Too young to fully understand their disputes, drawing at the kitchen table with their yelling sounding the house. It was always about you, that much you knew. Because you watch and you listen. Quick to learn that they tried for another child but never had any success. They wanted someone else to be their baby. Something that felt more like a blessing than you. Your father constantly spitting in your mother’s face that you were the rot to the fruit of her womb. And then he would always end up leaving by slamming the door and your mother would always join you at the table with tears and a bottle of wine. You always just watched, listening in silence. Perhaps just born resilient.
Growing up was different for you compared to most of the kids in your town. You never had the opportunity to make many friends being homeschooled. The only time that was spent around others your age was kindergarten. Kindergarten was short lived because of your behavior; the teachers at school were concerned about you. How you were mean, rough, and sinister with your actions towards others. Picking on the kids you were simply interested in because of how different from you they were. Drawing pictures of gutted cattle or dead, half developed baby chicks still in their shell and giving them as gifts to the teachers. Sharing to classmates the cruelty of farm life and why it was pretty with a smile.
Your father loved to find out about this, you could see it in his eyes. The way they were wicked and screamed I told you so to your mother. You didn’t understand why it was bad or caused trouble. You were only having fun for the first time. The way the kids ran away crying or the teachers wore faces of shocked horror, it made your insides light up in joy. A new feeling—a sense of excitement. You didn’t know it was sick. And of course, it was taken from you. You were removed from school and your mother became your teacher. Your classmates became stuffed animals and the real ones in the barns. It was hard for you to find that joy you briefly felt with others.
Sometimes you had a glimpse of it again when your father would punish you. But even that you grew sick of. The mess, the stench of it all. Sticky and red, worse in the heat of summer. He drilled the sick moto for his actions into your head, “I know no punishment, only mercy.”
Father took you both to church more often after that. He had a false image to uphold afterall, one of a happy, God loving family. In his ego he had to prove that his preaching and prayers could fix you, save you. But that was only admitted at home, loud and scary to your mother. Your poor mother, weak and defensive of you, eventually waved her white flag. You wished she kept fighting for you and that she wouldn’t begin to see you the way your father did.
Childhood and adolescence was a string of questions about yourself. Never quite finding out what made you so bad to be seen as devilish when all you thought of yourself was curious. Perhaps just unlucky to be correlated with negative happenings on and off the farm, always gone without a chance of understanding. Despite it all, you knew well enough the way your parents talked and looked at you was without unconditional love.
On your 17th birthday, the family dynamic made the biggest shift to be experienced.
At this age, you had such a strong sense of independence and with the lack of parental guidance and monitoring, you would leave town when you could. Ride your bike down the long road to the bus stop at the center of town and take the bus into the city over. Your mother was generous with allowance and you saved your money well, only spending it on books or trips to the movie theater. A form of escape that allowed you to learn more about the world and all the things your parents tried to keep hidden from you. A way to learn how to be human.
So when your father was tearing your room apart in search of the same gift he re-gifts you every year, he found some things that made his stomach churn. Every year for your birthday he rewrapped the same, first ever, bible he’d given you. Funny enough that he gave you anything at all considering he never even referred to it as your day, only his day of revelation. And to his disgust, on his sacred day, he found books and journals of explicitly detailed copulation and debauchery.
He almost fainted. Stumbling over his own feet, hands shaking as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the words on the pages. That was the only time you smiled on that day. Just for a second. And then a glimpse of hell broke loose.
In a rage, he destroyed everything. Your mother stood next to you in tears, telling him to stop and stop. Her hands covered her face but she saw everything through her fingers. You only watched in silence, hands balled in fists by your side. A silent hatred and anger coursed in you. He called you names that no man of God should, especially to his own daughter.
“You’re a disgraceful deviant of Satan! I should’ve known. My own day of revelation is a curse!” You watched him rip pages apart, his voice booming through the house. “Years spent praying for you and this is how you turn out?! Succumbing to nothing but a dreaming whore?!”
A part of you liked his mean words. It was so rare for him to use such colorful language.
You knew what would come next. He was going to have you ‘cleansed’. Something he always did when he discovered something new and sacrilegious of you.
But it didn’t come. Because there was no dying, old sheep on the farm at the time. He did make a promise to not forget though. A promise to have you washed in sacrificial, blessed blood on a day you least expected.
Your father left after that, leaving you and your mother behind. He moved to the city to continue his preaching at a larger church. He became known as the closest reverend to God for miles and miles. Lost in his ways, he only made visits when he needed to sort things out for the business of the farm.
You were content with his departure, yet couldn’t quite understand why your mother missed him. As far as you’ve seen, he was never kind towards either of you.
But now, it’s several years later. And although you’re free of your father’s heavy presence and homilies, he still makes his trips to the farm. You can feel the air change whenever he does, as if you’ve gained a sixth sense for his coming. Naturally intuitive to things having spent your childhood walking on eggshells in your own home.
And today, the air feels particularly chill for summer. The breeze sweeps in through your open window. The forecast called for nothing but sunshine all week, yet there’s an angry, dark cloud hanging over your farm. A foreboding feeling shivers through you, and you know he’s going to fulfill his promise today. You sigh and slide out of bed. “Let’s get this over with.”
You spend the morning doing your usual routine. Brushing teeth, washing your face, then dressing in farm work attire. Your breakfast consists of tea and your mothers homemade strawberry scone. Next is tending to the animals. Your mother usually takes care of the crops and gardening. It’s a quiet and early morning, as most are. The both of you keep to yourselves, just doing what needs to be done day by day.
The sound of a car is heard coming down to the long dirt road and you know who it is by the sound. It’s a fancier vehicle than the one he left this property with years ago. A meaner part of you likes to think his greedy hands got into that mega church’s donations but you’re too self aware of the successful farm your family owns.
Your father parks in front of the house and your mother is quick to rush over to him, presumably with many questions: How have you been? Are you hungry? Thirsty? What brings you here so early in the month?
You roll your eyes at her desperation to cling onto the relationship that clearly ended when you were a child.
You place a hand on your hip, leaning your weight to the side that isn’t carrying the heavy bucket of chicken feed. Walking away from the coops and back towards the shed by the house, you make eye contact with your father despite only taking a glance.
He watches you with narrow eyes from the lowered window of the car he’s still sitting in, very much not listening to a word your mother is saying.
He calls your name before you can open the shed. Spinning on the heels of your boots, you turn around with raised brows of questioning.
He mouths the words sacrificial tree as he exits the car. Your mother sees this. She wears pained disappointment as she scurries away. Presumably to the barn where the sheeps and lambs are kept. She might as well be a sheep too, you think.
The bucket slips from your fingers and drops to the patchy dirt grass by your feet with a thud, spilling over in a mess that will be cleaned later.
You don’t bother giving him a nod of understanding. You just turn around and begin your walk to the tree line where the man made path is. Knowing it would take some time for his preparations, you walk to the lake that’s hidden behind the farmland.
It’s a brief walk through your familiar woods. Once at the short wooden dock, you sit down at the end, taking in the gloomy summer scenery. A light fog hugs over the water. You bring your knees to your chest, in your sitting position, and hug yourself the same way.
This is your favorite place out of all the land your family owns. It’s serene, mostly. Always quiet. You’re the only one who comes here. And it’s nice to swim with when the weather warrants it. There’s a feeling here that’s hard to feel anywhere else you find yourself. Sometimes you imagine what it would be like with someone else, but you doubt it would be as nice. Trouble has a way of following you, it seems. You frown at the thought.
It’s silent like this for a few minutes, just you trying to find a sense of calmness before the impending chastisement. Then you hear some rustling of leaves, heavy footsteps following. You don’t turn around yet, you only wait for the call of your name. Your time of tranquility is too brief. You sigh before giving yourself a squeezing hug.
“It’s time,” the reverend calls out loudly, “quickly now, we have new farmhands arriving soon.” The sound of his feet walking away is when you stand. You wave a goodbye to the foggy lake before parting ways. Your feet move unconsciously, taking to where your body knows to go.
Leaves crinkle underneath your boots and twigs snap. The trees’ branches sway in the gentle morning breezes that pass.
In the mix of the small forest, man made crosses of sticks or plywood are spaciously scattered. Like a graveyard to all your bad doings. Most small but one large. Old rotted wood that stands crooked and begging to fall over right next to the largest, strongest tree. Your eyes, that are trained to ground, move upwards the cross and then to the tree. Your father stands there with a large knife in hand. Your mother waits cautiously not too far away. Her demeanor is frightful as if this is the first time. Coward.
An old sheep hangs by its hind legs from a sturdy tree branch. Unmoving and defenseless. Big beady, dumb eyes look in all directions but you. You think it must feel the same guilt as yourself, sorry that its life purpose is to embarrass you, make you hate what you are.
“God told me to make a sacrifice to prove my faith. He guides my hand in washing your soul clean of sin. So here I am with our blessed, dying lamb.” He’s said this every time. His voice is always miserably rehearsed and preacher-esque.
You thought long ago that this was their, the lambs, only use on the farm. It’s a shame. All that devotion has made him so ugly and violent.
You make small steps closer to the lamb. It’s whining in bleat baas and mehs. Does it know what’s happening? Is it scared? You like the lambs, sheeps. Pure white, soft, and docile. They never fight back. They just take it. I doubt they need restraints. You could hold them above me just the same and they’d never resist.
“Move faster, for the love of God. Yeah, stand right there underneath like you know how to.” He instructs you, annoyed. His patience running thin as the distant sounds of a truck makes way down the dirt road to the farm property.
“Okay…” You don’t fight him, with arms crossed behind your back and a hand squeezing around your own wrist, you move closer. Maybe you’re a lamb too.
Maybe all your father really was is the executioner.
He raises the knife as he begins to speak, it slides over its cotton, white throat but does not cut, “Revelation 7:13-17 Then he told me, ‘These are those who come from the great tribulation, and they’ve washed their robes, scrubbed them clean in the blood of the Lamb. That’s why they’re standing before God’s Throne. They serve him day and night in his Temple. The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat. The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.’” He slits its throat in a quick, harsh movement. The blood spills just as fast, squirting spurts of red before it comes pouring down onto you. “Face up,” you obey even though it brings you rage, “it ought to cleanse those unholy thoughts I know that are still in there.”
Head raised to the sky with eyes and mouth squeezed shut, you let it consume you. Warm, thick and wet washes down from your head onto your clothes then down to your feet. The smell of animal, metallic iron covers you. It’s sticking to your hair, eyebrows and lashes. You can already feel your clothes clinging to your skin in the dirtiest ways.
You stand there, drenching in the its blood. Your father speaks again, firm and slow, “Say it with me now, ‘I know no punishment, only mercy.’” All you feel is the animal’s rain of life flooding you.
You open your mouth to speak but are quick to spit and cough out the blood that manages to get into your mouth. Smack.
“I don’t have time for this,” his voice sounds like an echo, your head is ringing from the harsh swing of his hand. The skin of your cheek stings. He hits like a bitch, you think. “Say it with me now, dammit!” You can feel him wipe his bloodied hand on the side of your shirt.
You step back from under the red shower. “I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your words align with his in the perfect paced harmony you’re trained to do so. Enunciated, slow and strong, through gritted teeth.
There’s a beat of silence before the sound of your parents footsteps walking away.
Standing there in red, yet to open your eyes, you breathe out a shaky sigh of defeat. It sounds more like a growl. With the mostly clean hands you kept safely behind you, you bring them up to wipe the blood from your face. You don’t dare to look at the dead animal in front of you. Being covered in it is enough alone to make you feel sick.
You think of going back to the lake, jumping in and letting the blood wash off you there, but knowing you’d either walk back with further drenched clothes or naked didn’t seem like options you wanted to deal with either. So you just head back to the house. It’s a slower walk than need be, but you just felt like avoiding the eyes of the newcomers, hoping they’d be off in the fields or in a barn by the time you walk through. You feel numb.
You’re wrong though, by the time you’re passing the barns and coops, the group of new farmhands are already lined up outside the horses’ stable. Your mother is talking to them, although not all are paying attention. Only a few pairs of wide eyes follow you. Catching the sight of you must really shock them but you can’t blame them. Something about this makes you excited. You stop in your tracks and look around to see if your father’s car is gone. It is. The realization feels like a wave of relief and it suddenly feels brighter outside already.
You take a glance down to your disheveled appearance. Shirt, pants, and boots painted like the barns. You look back to the group, brushing the soiled hair back from your face. Some pieces stay stuck, in the early stages of drying against your skin.
It’s safe to have a little fun.
You begin a slow walk over to the group. You take a headcount and there’s five of them. Two younger men, closer to your age. The other three look a bit older, not by much but definitely older. Your mother is yet to turn around from whatever rundown she’s giving them. Too dense to even recognize that now none of them were paying any attention to her.
You creep up beside her and open with, “Hello,” your voice is louder than even you’ve heard it be in a long time. It’s nice to be heard, noticed. You usually avoided the farmhands, but this summer was going to be different. You decided this on the walk over.
Being cooped up on the farm for so long made you different, it’s obvious to anybody. Not properly socialized in your developmental years caused you to be an anomaly to the ones who did come across you. Enigmatic from far away and up close. Now isn’t the greatest example though, the situation is too clear as to why.
Your mother turns to you, gasping and jumping back slightly in the shock of your gross state and sudden introduction. “My goodness, girl, whatta ya doin’ here like this?” Her voice is hushed, clearly unsettled with the situation.
They all just stare at you, open mouthed and bewildered. You take the time to get a good look at each of them up close. Your eyes follow their faces individually down the line. And then they stop.
At the end of the line is a man more beautiful than the ones you’ve seen in the movies. You feel stuck in time, left with parted lips, staring at the man before you. And far too intently for your character. He stands tall, sharp, pale, and elegant. What is a boy like this doing here? He averts his eyes from you, clearly uncomfortable by what’s before him. He looks uneasy, shifting his weight foot to foot with his hands behind his back. His pretty eyes glance around from you to your mother to the other men and the ground. He simply doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find it dangerously darling of him.
You don’t even realize the small smile that takes your lips. You step closer to him and he steps back, now looking at you with wide eyes of small fear. You extend your hand to him, it’s coated in drying blood. He gulps and the sight, his adam’s apple bobbing in such a biteable neck stirs something in you. This will be far more fun than you intended.
You say your name softly for introduction and step a little closer, “Nice to meet you," you feign cuteness as much as you can, looking up at him through your blood clumped lashes. It’s clear to everyone there is something off; there’s little to no real emotion behind your voice and face.
Your mother eyes you suspiciously as you corner the handsome man, but she says nothing. Sometimes she fears you too.
He looks from your eyes to your hand, having an internal battle with himself on what to do, “Ah, I am Sunghoon... Nice to meet you too.” His politeness must be stronger than his frighteness, because he takes his hand in yours and shakes it gently. His hand is large in yours, nearly covering it entirely. You squeeze it hard, your eyes never leaving his, trapping him in the scene.
He wants to look away, to hide somewhere. The way his skin crawls tells him he’s a prey already in the mouth of a predator. And you know he’s nervous under your intense gaze because your hand feels like a lamb is still bleeding above you. His palms are sweating, and it’s nowhere near hot enough for that yet. Your smile grows to a smirk.
Although you’re wearing the lamb, having Sunghoon’s hand in yours made you feel like a wolf.
Sunghoon’s first day of his summer job starts off duller than he imagined. The sun isn’t out this morning and it only intensifies his anxiousness, as if the grey skies reflect his inner emotions. He’s already new to the area, away from home and staying in an apartment not far from his college in the city. A private, christian school that he studied hard to get into with his friend. He wishes his best friend and roommate, Jake, was joining him in this job, but Jake already had plans to teach at a summer soccer camp for kids through their school.
He found this opportunity through the college church they attend together. A reverend from another church in the city came to visit one Sunday, handing out flyers to the young men in hopes of finding farm help. The pay is good and the bus fairs to the small town over where the farm’s located is covered. He’s never done work like it before, nevertheless was he going to let a simple offer pass him up.
Things are going smoothly to start, being told how to care for, clean, and feed the animals to crop preservation. Everyone would have their own specific roles on the farm. Sunghoon was assigned the easier of the tasks, either feeding animals or watering and fertilizing the vegetables and fruits crops. He learns there are already regular farm workers that would come throughout the week to collect produce, material, and use the machinery for the more laborious work. And if she wasn't around when needed then they could ask any of the regular employees for assistance or find her at the house.
As the farm owner is about to give details on the horses’ maintenance, a girl saunters in. And the anxious feelings become of Sunghoon all over again. His eyes are wide, taking in her appearance. The smell of the farm dissipates and putrid copper takes over. The worst part is how calm she appears, and the fact that she’s unbothered with all that she wears.
He thinks his brain short circuits, everything seeming muffled and unreal. He doesn’t even realize he introduced himself or touched her. It all was too quick and unfamiliar for him to grasp.
He watches as she walks away, back to the house that sits slightly over the hills and valleys of the property. His expression is blank, blinking slowly at the strange girl then down to his hand that’s stained red too.
“Don’t pay her no mind,” the woman speaks up, she sounds as if she’s warning them. “Just get yer work done and when everyone’s finished y’all can head back home. I won’t ask too much of ya in yer first month here, alright? That might be a different story later.” She tries to end the statements in humor with her forced laugh.
Sunghoon nods but his eyes don’t leave his dirty hand. The other men nod along too and give their ‘yes, ma’ams’ in return.
The woman continues walking them around the farm, listing rules and guidelines they must follow, along with advice and tips for the work they’ll be doing.
The day flows as easy as it can for Sunghoon. He doesn’t talk much with the other farmhands. He also doesn’t know them well enough to be comfortable in their conversations, so he just exists in awkward silence, sometimes reacting. While they can joke around and find fun in the work, his mind keeps wandering off to the girl from earlier, to you. How your empty eyes held onto his and small hand even tighter. He thinks the palm of his hand still burns from the interaction.
Around the afternoon time, Sunghoon and the guys are sitting around a picnic table near the house. The sun is beating down on them all now while they chug down water and eat their lunch. The owner was kind enough to provide their refreshments and meals. They were all thankful.
She adds that there’s a small lodge up the dirt road. It’s a little old but homey and has space with two spare bedrooms if they need to wash up or rest at any time. It was originally built for the farm workers that worked late and needed a place to stay if need be.
Once done, the boys stand up and talk about what they have left to do. The next bus back to the city isn’t running for another two hours so they speak of taking some leisure time and exploring the farm property. Meanwhile Sunghoon is still sitting, watching them huddled in conversation. He wipes some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as they begin walking towards the fields.
Sunghoon, taking what the farm owner had mentioned previously, decides that he’d like to stay inside to get away from the beating sun for a while. So he gathers his trash to throw away in the bin by the road near the house’s mailbox and begins his walk to the lodge.
Once inside he takes in the rustic, outdated furniture. It’s a little dusty and the floorboards creak beneath his feet but he finds it somewhat comforting. The living space has two couches by an old stone fireplace, a center table with board games and cards, a kitchenette, and a large dining table with enough space to seat six people.
The decor is very farmers-life-esque. From a cow print rug in the small kitchen area to the antlers mounted on the wall near the dining table. There’s scenic southern paintings hung up along with antique crosses and prints of bible verses, all adoring the faded and peeling floral wallpaper. Above the fireplace hangs a painting depicting Jesus healing a blind man.
He walks down the only short hall in the lodge to find the two spare bedrooms the woman had mentioned along with a bathroom. He takes this time to wash his hands thoroughly and splash some cold water on his face. With his hands resting on the sink, he stares at himself in the mirror. The cold drops of water slip down his face, jaw, and back into the sink.
In his mind he’s questioning whether or not he’s sure of this job. It’s all too different from what he knows and he can’t help but feel out of place here. With a sigh, he drops his head and watches the water slip down the sink.
He jumps slightly at the sudden sound of the front door opening and closing, not expecting the others to join him here quite yet. No noise follows the action for a moment, not even footsteps. Then there’s the sound of a click, like the door is being locked. He straightens his posture and peaks out the bathroom door, listening for their voices or any sound other than silence. It offers nothing to him so he begins to feel tense.
“Hello?” Sunghoon calls out skittishly, but there’s no response. His heart rate picks up a little and he starts to think the boys are trying to pull some sort of childish prank on him. He leaves the room and makes slow steps down the hallway to the main area of the lodging house.
As he rounds the corner he doesn’t find any of the boys there though, he just sees you. His heart jumps at the realization. Sitting on the couch, in overall shorts and nothing else. Bare legs crossed and hands against the couch by your sides as you watch him peer around the corner with apprehension. You’re just sitting there, leaning forward and waiting for him to come find you.
Cowardly, Sunghoon makes a half turn. He presses his back against the wall of the hallway as if he could hide away or disappear into it. He even closes his eyes, thinking of a quick prayer to save him from this circumstance.
“Are you pretending to be shy or are you really this cute?” Your voice is teasing, and he can hear the wicked smile in it without seeing.
Feeling caught, he just sighs and slowly makes his way to the living area. He tries not to look at you, thinking you are too revealing. So he looks everywhere else and then to large windows that give view to the farm; none of the guys are in sight. Most likely somewhere goofing off. All he can see is the fields and farm buildings standing large in the distance.
He doesn’t move and speaks softly, “I should probably go find the others-”
You speak before he can finish his attempt of an excuse, “Come sit with me.” You pat the space on the couch next to yourself. Your voice sounds welcoming but he knows there’s an undertone of mischief.
He makes a quick glance to you and sucks in a breath at the view of your body that’s exposed from your overalls. The glimpse of the curve of your breast disappearing under the denim already makes him feel like he’s seen too much of you. And he has. He’s never seen such bare skin on a girl and he’s never been alone in a room with one either.
“Come sit with me, now.” You’re more stern this time, demanding in a gentle way. Your hand makes small movements, soothing over the material of the couch like you’re warming the space for him.
He visibly swallows as he makes his hesitant steps over to you. His heart is racing and with every beat there is a question of his strength. He sits down on the same sofa but not directly next to you like you want. You smirk nonetheless and turn to face him, sitting with your legs criss-cross now.
With your elbows to your knees you hold your head in your hands, watching the side of his face. You’re again realizing how sculpted his features are. Dark thick hair on his head, eyebrows and lashes too. An array of moles sprinkle his pale face. A sharp nose that sits above pink, full lips. You wonder if he knows of his own beauty. It’s fascinating to see such a person like him in front of you.
He’s sitting with perfect posture, not relaxing into the couch. Alert like a deer that’s waiting for too sudden of movement to pounce away. His eyes just watch the table, reading through the names of the board games that lay there as a way of distracting himself. He’s awkward.
“Uhm… d-does your family own this farm?” he tries for small talk to break the silence. His bottom lip finds itself between his teeth as he makes one quick look over to you. Luckily your overalls sit high up or he’d have a full view of your chest. He can’t help but think of the fact and it makes him shift uncomfortably.
“Do I make you nervous?” you question, seriously so. Brows pulled tight in a furrow with a straight face. You lean in even closer to him, watching for every change on his face.
“Yes,” his response is honestly quick and ends with a tight lip, like he’s holding his breath. He is yet to comprehend what is happening, still in a whirlwind of thoughts of what could—will—happen.
“Why?” Your head tilts slightly to the side, it makes him think of his roommate briefly. And man does he wish he were here to ease the tension.
He doesn’t want to admit that he’s never been in such close proximity with a girl alone before, so he just clears his throat and remains quiet after doing so.
Curiously, you bring a hand up with a pointed finger and brush the tip of it over the mole on the side of his nose. He jolts back at the sudden touch, his cheeks flushing a warm pink. His eyes now watch you with gentle confusion. He touches the same spot you did with a trembling hand.
“You have a constellation on your face. So many moles… Do you have a girlfriend?”
His face burns a little more, both from the observation and the question. He shakes his head, sitting himself further into the couch and further away from you. He can’t quite understand the situation. Are you messing with him? You seem too serious for such. Maybe you’re just weird like he initially thought. Either way he can feel his faith slipping; he is cupping holy water in hands during an earthquake.
“Did I do somethin’ wrong? Am I not pretty?” You pout to be playful with him, acting as if his actions are offending you. He takes it literally though.
“No!” his hands rest on his knees and he holds them hard, trying to find stability despite sitting down. “Y-you are… pretty,” his words grow quieter, like he’s sharing a secret. “I just don’t know you or why you want to talk to me.”
“Hm.” You lean your head back against the couch. With your eyes still on his face, you speak just as quietly, “I’m still trying to figure that out too.” After some beats of muted air you speak up again, but with more presence, “You came to work here. Why?”
“A man was handing out flyer ads at the church. I wanted a summer job.”
Is he always this direct and boring? And church, of fucking course. You roll your eyes, pushing yourself off the back cushion and even closer to the man. Your knees touch the side of his body and his thigh. He looks like he’s trying to control his breathing, to feign lack of disturbance, but his face says everything you need to know.
You place a hand on his thigh and his whole body stiffens at the action. Your smirk to yourself. It’s only resting there on the top of his jeans. “You act like a girl has never touched you before.” You give him a soft squeeze and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Well? Has a girl ever touched you?”
He shakes his head quickly, “No,” he breaks, feeling overwhelmed and wrong, “and I don’t think you should be. It’s against the churches values-”
“At your age you still follow the rules?” Your hand slides lower and back up his thigh, it’s a slow and teasing motion. There’s enjoyment in how scared he’s becoming.
Sunghoon knows that this is only going to lead him down a path he swore to God not to take. And if his parents were to know that in his first year away from home in the summer since college was locked in a lodge with a promiscuous girl he’d have it handed to him. The thought of their wrath makes him shiver all the more.
“I just don’t want to sin.” His eyes close and he bites down onto his lip again. He no longer cares if a stranger sees him as a loser or prude. His virtue is being tested in real time, and he’s feared facing this battle many times in the night because even in his dreams he loses.
“I’m only touching you. How is it a sin?” The tone of your voice changes, it’s soft like the hand that moves closer to in between his thighs. Your fingertips press into his clothed skin here and there, curiously feeling him up. You just try to get a reaction out of him. There’s a warm feeling in your stomach that you don’t recognize; it’s faintly familiar.
“Your hand isn’t supposed to be… there.” He makes a strained sound, something like a low whine, as your hand ghosts over his cock.
You look down to your movements for the first time and realize he’s sporting a half chub. You snicker quietly, cupping him in your palm. “Then why are you getting hard, Sunghoon? Do you like the way I’m touching you? I bet you’ve thought about doing this before too.”
He makes another noise, a whimper. He can’t bring himself to open his eyes and accept what’s happening. He also can’t find it in himself to stop you, or get up and leave. This wasn’t just a struggle with evil’s temptation but his own biological nature. Something yet to be explored, something that’s been scratching at his ribcage for years to be fed.
There’s too much he can’t admit in this moment. Starting with how he enjoys the sound of your voice, the slight accent and dialect difference he picks up. How the way his name leaves your lips makes him want to crumble like a burning church. And how he silently likes the fact he can’t control the way his body is reacting to your hands on him.
It’s all wrong, wrong, wrong. And he is weak.
“Answer me, Sunghoon.” Your hand presses down on him, feeling the growing hardness under your palm. You give him a small squeeze, massaging over the bulge. To your surprise he feels big. Your eyebrows quirk at this and then you look back to his face. A single tear runs down his face and you find satisfaction in it. “Lying is a sin too,” you remind him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hands fist the couch cushions at his sides. He grips the material so tight that his knuckles turn pink through the pale of his skin. His chest rises and falls through slow and deep breaths.
“You shouldn’t feel sorry for something that makes you feel good.” You palm over him a few more times, drawing out little moans and whimpers from him. He’s struggling to sit still. You can even feel him try not to push his hips back up into you; if only he would admit that he wants it. He’s practically pulsing beneath you, like there’s never been such a rush of blood to his cock in his life. You sigh dramatically and pull your hand away from him, sitting back to give him space. “That’s too bad. A good dog will always be loyal, huh?”
His eyes shoot open when he feels your hand is gone. He looks at you desperately with wet eyes, a small pout to his lips. You make him feel sick for wanting to ask why you stopped, or if he did something bad for you to take away his short-lived pleasure.
You smirk at his expression, so pitifully beautiful with want. “Have you ever touched yourself?” you ask, placing your hand over his that hasn’t let go of the couch. It takes you back when he flips his hand around to hold onto yours, clingy and wretched. His thumb brushes over your knuckles. Repulsed, you react quickly and take your hand away from him at his impulsive intimacy. It makes him frown with a meek whimper.
He shakes his head slowly, looking down to his lap. “I can’t.” He knows he’s not allowed to. His father was adamant through his puberty that he mustn’t succumb to his body’s natural taste for sin. He was told that sometimes the devil had a funny way of sneaking into a man’s mind. That Satan would haunt boys in their sleep to wake them up with guilt of uncontrollable lust to be like him.
“But you like when I do it, right?” You rest your head on his shoulder and look up at him. His eyes look from your face to the thin opening of your overalls where your chest can be seen from the angle. He bites down hard and nods slowly. You coo, moving your hand back to his still hard, clothed cock. “I can make it go away if you want. You want that?”
He’s battling all the repressed things he’s been too afraid to explore; fearful of the swing of his parents belt he felt once long ago after being caught in a misunderstanding. In spite of it, he nods again. “It hurts.. Please, help me.” His voice is so quiet. Even he doesn’t want to hear his own pathetic begging.
Your fingers find the zipper of his jeans then you tug it down slowly as you stare at him. “You have to pull them down for me, okay? I can’t help you with just this.”
Sunghoon freezes for a second knowing he has control over being the one to take out his own cock. Yet apprehension leaves in a breath. Then he’s pulling the clothing down to his knees with frantic haste. You didn’t expect him to take everything off so fast but there’s a sense of pride in how eager you’ve made him become in such a short time.
You weren’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. His cock is as beautiful as him. Pale and raging pink, crying at the tip much like his eyes. He’s also big, bigger than you knew dicks could be. You thought they’d be ugly, gross and worm-like. But his is clean and pretty. It’s your first time seeing one in person; you wouldn’t let him know that.
You take him bare in your hands, feeling him like a foreign object. More curious of his body than in his pleasure in the moment. His body tenses then relaxes against the couch. A shaky, breathy moan leaves his lips. His eyes flutter at the contact of skin.
You squeeze him, making his moan weakly again. It’s heavy in your hand. Truly just a stick of warm flesh. A part of you wants to squeeze him as hard as you can just to see if it can break, but you withhold on hurting him for now. Not wanting to scare him too much in hopes of exploring him further through the summer.
Your hand wraps around the length as much as it can, pads of fingertips brushing over every vein and curve as you slowly move your hand up and down. When your thumb circles around his tip and flicks the leaking hole, his body lurches forward with a loud cry of a moan from him. You wonder if he’ll cum in the next few seconds of simply touching him.
“I think you’re a slut for a little pleasure, Sunghoon.” You use your palm to gather his precum, circling over the tip to smear the thick cream around. Then you drag it back down himself, wetting his cock in his own prerelease. It slides easier now, your hand. You move faster, jerking him off in lazy, inexperienced motions. Not that he would know anyways. “You gave into lust so easily, didn’t you? Must’ve wanted this for so long. Your body’s nasty, eager for it.”
In his ears, you make the nasty words sound delicious. And he wants to devour more and more, like the starved man he is. His hips snap up into your hard, sudden and rough. You wrap your free arm over his shoulders, a hand sneaking up into his hair to tug aggressively on the thick dark locks. You’re pulling his head back, forcing him to look at you. “Don’t be a whore. I’m helping you. I didn’t say fuck my hand.”
“Ahsh- I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he whines, tears burning his eyes, “it, it f-feels good. I feel so good.” His head falls to lean against yours, face burying into your hair. His head makes little shakes as he begins to cry, telling himself no, no.
“Shut up...” You don’t like how close he is to you. You only like doing so to tease him, but when he does it, it makes you feel a fiery anger in your chest and belly. Uncomfortable. Smothering.
Your hand works in sloppy motions. Pumping his pulsing cock to reach his orgasm. At the tip your wrist makes flicks with your thumb, working him up further and further.
He stutters out incoherent apologies into your hair throughout his sobs of wanton, whimpering moans. Everything about his body is sensitive to the new sensations. He can’t help but move his hips up into your hand, humping the small fist that’s fucking down onto him.
Confused by the warm, tight feeling flexing of his abdomen he whines against you, “I can’t- I can’t take it. My body feels weird now. Mmph, ‘m sorry. I don’t know what’s h-happening.” His body feels volcanic, ready to burst.
You continue your movements, jerking his reflexing length until he’s cumming into your hand. It’s a heavy load of thick, creamy mess. His voice is too close to your ear as he moans a drawn out needy sound. Your face remains plain while you pump him until he’s milked dry. His body flinches and curls into yours through the aftershocks, clearly overstimulated and over-sensitive. His arms snake around your waist to pull you against him.
You stare down at your hand that was earlier covered in the blood of a lamb and now the cum of a virgin. It looks like fucking snot, you realize with repulse. Without thinking you bring your hand up and lick the strange release. Your face scowls at the unknown taste so you just wipe the rest on your overalls. “You are disgusting,” you mutter.
Sunghoon remains silent aside from his sniffles, eyes peeking through his bangs to watch what you’re doing. He still hasn’t stopped clinging to your side, as if you could save him from his first lustful sin.
You push yourself up and off the couch, his body slightly falls to the side where he was leaning on you but he catches himself. He watches you with sad, scared eyes. You stare blankly in return then look out the window to see the group of men walking around the picnic table they ate at earlier.
“Farmhands will be leaving soon. Clean yourself up in the bathroom.” You don’t spare him another look, you just walk to the front door, unlock it, and leave. You ignore the way he looked like a sad abandoned puppy. Something about it angered you in the same way he was being clingy.
You walk back to your house with a slight skip to your steps. As you step through your front door, you’re about to head upstairs to your room but stop in your tracks because your mother speaks.
“Hate him all ya want,” your mothers words slur, she speaks slowly and tired-like, “but he was a good man. He used to love me… And then you came along.” You turn to the living room on your left where your mother lays on the couch, wine glass in hand and eyes heavy lidded. “I know what yer capable of. I’ve seen the things ya do on this farm, in this home.. When ya think no one is watching.. He just might be right about you.” You glare at her now. “There is something evil in ya, child. Leave that boy outta yer wickedness.”
Her wine glass falls to the floor from her fingers and she groans, turning to her side. You stare at her for a moment before walking up to your room.
Meanwhile Sunghoon spends his next 20 minutes in a spiral of guilt and shame. He cleans himself up in the restroom like you told him to. Then waits, watching outside the window for when the boys are gathered around the truck they drove in from the bus stop to leave in. It was hard for him to get the tears to end. He fell right into sin’s lustful trap and it made him feel so- No, it only made him feel hurt. Stupid. Bad.
On his bus ride back into the city he prays. Sitting in back, alone with his indignity, and head bowed low so no one could see his red rimmed, glossy eyes. Time goes by so fast that he nearly misses his stop to get off.
He ignores his roommate when he’s home. Jake, excited and curious of Sunghoon’s first day, is left cold. Sunghoon showers for longer than usual. He scrubs so harshly at his skin he turns red; unable to feel clean no matter how much he washes. He doesn’t eat dinner because he feels he doesn’t deserve to. He gets into bed earlier than most days too. He tries to sleep but the day haunts him, keeping him awake.
He’s up all night in tears, face in his pillow with the blanket thrown over his head, trying to hide from He who watches. The begs of forgiveness seem endless.
“Dear God,” he whimpers, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” He doesn’t sleep much that night because he can’t find it in himself to stop humping into his mattress in hopes to chase and achieve the feeling you gave him earlier. His hips rock his aching hard cock into the bed, anguished yet titillated. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He continues to cry, drowning in his pillow, knowing he will do it again.
The next day on the farm is an early morning for everyone. Sunghoon sits quietly in the truck with the other summer volunteer farmharms. They talk amongst each other about the day’s schedule of duties and tasks. He struggles to keep his eyes open, head leaning against the window despite its bumps from the uneven dirt road. He thought about calling it quits on the whole job after yesterday, but couldn’t bring himself to. It’s for selfish reasons too. The ones that deepen his guilt.
The arrival to the farm is quicker than anticipated. Sunghoon forces himself to be more alert and awake, starting to pick up on the conversations between the others as he exits the parked truck.
“Do you think it’s still hanging there?” One says. “The lamb of slaughter?” Another dumbly asks with a snort. “Well yeah, dipshit. You guys think that girl did it? She was weird as hell.” A third voice chimes in, “Being covered in blood and then leaving a dead animal hanging from a tree is creepy as fuck. The lady was right, stay the hell away from her.” He laughs. The others walk away in continuous chatter, leaving Sunghoon by the truck.
Sunghoon is confused by this conversation and deeply disturbed. He doesn’t follow or press them with questions though. But it will give him much to think about for the day. He’s so exhausted from the lack of sleep, he wonders if he even heard them all correctly at all. Yeah, your whole introduction was strange but killing an animal and acting like nothing happened and then toying with him on the same day? Was all that really something a girl like you would do? He can’t say for sure because he doesn’t know you.
He goes about his morning tasks lazily. His mind is too busy with the thoughts of you. He thinks of when or if he’ll see you today. You haven’t shown around the farm all day. It’s only an hour before noon, he tries to rationalize with himself. He still ponders throughout his work. What time will you come? Will you mysteriously show up like yesterday? Will you touch him again? Will you let him feel good? Is he forgivable or going to burn in hell for wanting more?
He shakes his head to rid it of the thoughts. Perhaps he’s too hopeful. After lunch time he goes back to the farmers lodge to take a nap. At least that’s the realistic excuse he used. He struggles to even fall asleep because he’s so anxious about listening for any sound of you possibly coming back here.
His eyes, sullen and tired, just can’t stay open after half an hour of waiting. So eventually he does fall asleep. You never show up. When he wakes up from his long needed nap he somehow feels worse knowing you didn’t visit than he did committing his first sin.
The following day of work is a repeat. He doesn’t see you at all yet you occupy all of his thoughts. He thinks badly of himself for many reasons.
On the fourth day, you finally decide it’s time to check up on the poor boy. You watched Sunghoon mope around the farm for two days and it was cute at first but you’re getting bored again. You did like how his eyes were always searching around, hopeful that every sound he heard from behind or around corners was you. Knowing you had such an effect on him made you wonder how much more you could do to him.
From the window of your room, you watch when they all arrive. Your mother greets them like she does in the mornings and gives them all tasks that need to be completed for the day. It’s Thursday which means she’ll be out for a few hours to go into town and sort out business for products: cow and goat milk processing for cheeses and soaps. At least you assume considering you overheard her phone call about such the day prior.
You spend the morning around the house, reading and snacking on fruits, waiting for your mother to leave so you can proceed with your plan. There was some effort into your appearance today. You wear a spaghetti strapped white babydoll dress, lined at the bottom with sewn embroideries. It’s simple and flows nicely above your knees when you walk. You hate it because it alludes to soft purity but at least it feels good to dress light in the summer heat. And it might make you all the more approachable to feeble Sunghoon.
After about an hour, your mother finally leaves. You give it about 10 minutes before you’re shoving on your boots and leaving the house. Some of the blood from earlier in the week still stains the brown leather; you did clean them off but clearly not to the best extent. You’re okay with that though, it seems prettier this way to you.
Looking and walking around the property, you see the scattered farmhands busy with different things. The sun isn’t kind today, it’s piercing in brightness and temperature. The sweat begins to seep from your pores in a matter of minutes, making you feel sticky. You run a hand through your tangled hair, fingers getting caught in unbrushed knots that you yank through anyways. You don’t see Sunghoon anywhere that’s directly under the sun. You continue to search around the farm, gaining a few cautious looks from the other workers. As you walk past their gazes you wear a wry smile with a tilt to your head. They look away quickly after being caught staring.
Some wandering in and out of the different barns and coops are done. He wasn’t in any of them though. You greet the animals you pass by and give pats to some of the cows. “Have you guys seen him nearby? I’m not a fan of hide and seek.” You mumble to one of the goats, scratching lightly beneath its chin while it chews away at grains and hay. It maas in return. You pull your hand back out from the stable then leave to continue the manhunt.
It’s when you’re walking by the horses’ stables that you see they’ve already been cared for, telling you that someone was here already. You glance to the smaller shed nearby, having a suspicious inkling that it's where Sunghoon is. You walk to the shed and see yourself inside. And he is. He has his back turned to you, standing at a work bench table and cleaning something off.
You walk up behind him, the sound of your footsteps being dulled by the scattered hay on the wooden floors; he doesn’t notice that you entered the space, clearly lost in his own thoughts. You tap his shoulder which makes him spin around in surprise, dropping the brushes he was cleaning.
Sunghoon’s eyes are wide at the sight of you standing so close to him. You can tell he’s lost sleep by the dark circles around his eyes and how his complexion is impossibly paler. His mouth is stuttering to find words, opening and closing.
You step closer to him and he steps back, his backside now pressing against the table. It wobbles on the uneven wooden stilts that hold it up. Reflexively, his hands reach back to hold onto the table, but he’s using it for his own stability. You simply stand there in between his legs, staring up at his face and taking in all the details that differ from the last time you saw him. He swallows, quietly watching your face in return.
“I haven’t seen you around.” Sunghoon speaks first, his voice a soft surrender. You feel his breath on your face.
“I know. I saw you though. You missed me.” You state bluntly, taking note of the little fangs he has for teeth. He probably bites good, you think, licking the back of your own teeth.
“If you saw me then why didn’t you…” he trails off into a quiet again, closing his eyes for a moment with a sigh. “I wouldn’t call it that.” His eyes open again as he feels your hands on his chest, sliding up his white tank and underneath the sleeves of his denim jacket to his shoulders. He bites down, suddenly stiff.
Ignoring his response you continue, “How can you wear this when it’s so warm out?” Your hands slide over his shoulders and down his toned arms, the jacket slips down to reveal the toned limbs. Your eyebrows raise at the sight yet your face remains relatively blank. “You’ve got muscle. Good for farm work.” Small hands continue to run over the smooth milk-like skin, learning every curve of his lean built physique. It’s not sexual, just exploratory.
Sunghoon sucks in a breath, watching you inspect him. He begins to feel flustered, relishing in the contact of skin on his. You notice his tense body and ask him if it’s okay, to which replies a raspy stutter, “Y-yeah.” Your hands slide down his arms and back up to his shoulders. Then down his chest and body to stop at the waistline of his jeans. He has a nice body; he must be athletic. You don’t care to ask in what ways. Your fingers dip into his jeans just slightly to pull him in closer to you, he gasps, his growing cock pressing against your stomach.
“Sunghoon,” You ridicule him, tsking under your breath at the pressure you feel of his arousal. “Already?” You look up at him but he can’t meet your eyes, feeling embarrassed. You play with the waistline, your fingertips running back and forth between the denim and his skin. “Is this sinning?” It’s a soft question yet mocking. He only shakes his head, nervously gnawing at his bottom lip. “Do you want to?” He whimpers, slowly nodding his head. You take your hands off him, crossing your arms. “You have to tell me. Look at me and tell me.”
He looks back at you dispirited. He knows that you know what he wants. And here you are making him admit it outloud, both to you and God. “Please.” He begs quietly, hoping it only reaches your ears and not the sky’s. “I want you.”
There’s that feeling again. The lit match that falls from your throat to the gasoline of your stomach that erupts in flames. Fire to your abdomen and loins; it’s an angry feeling, sparked by his honest admit of want, and for you specifically. You watch him with narrowed eyes while mumbling, “you revolt me.”
He doesn’t reply to your venomous insult. It stings to hear the degrading words in both his heart and pants; he thinks himself disgraceful too.
You drop to your knees, hands finding place back on his jeans to undo his zipper. He stares down at you in bated breath, hands still gripping tight on the table behind him. His are pulled down slowly, purposely so. You watch him writher, body and face. “Did you do it again?” you question, looking up at him from below. He would never avow to how the sight of you on your knees alone makes him ache all the more.
He wants to tear his eyes away from you but he can’t. The image of you in your white dress on the ground before him needs to be burned into his memory. He stutters a mumble of words but you don’t catch anything, if he even said a coherent response at all. You ask again, pinching his thigh. He tries to hum over the strained noise in the back of his throat, “Yes.. I mean no! B-but I didn’t touch myself.”
You try not to giggle, biting the inside of your cheek. Knowing he wanted to feel that way again but couldn’t on his own gave you a funny sense of power over him. One of your hands traces the outline of his hard cock through his boxer briefs. “You make a mess?” He shivers at the feeling of your breath on his suffocating length. He breathes out a ‘no’ while you lick a strip over the material. “Why not? I showed you how.”
He moans softly, trying not to let his hips chase after the feeling that he’s been after for days. “You know I can’t,” he exhales. You roll your eyes, mouthing and licking at him languidly. Your hands are still half tugging at the material that keeps him hidden. A faint pool of precum quickly stains his boxers.
“Sunghoon,” you look up at him with your chin resting on the bulge. He swallows hard, acknowledging you with a hum. “You will never be free from it. The sin I let you taste will forever linger on the tip of your tongue, begging and licking to taste more in crave. No holy blessed water can possibly cleanse you even if you drown in it.”
His bottom lip pouts out with a little droning whine. He should defend himself, say that his faith is stronger than he is and that his soul is saveable by mercy. But a part of him also feels that doesn’t want to be. His eyes begin to well with tears.
“Not even a god could make you pure again,” you give him a small smile and pat his naked thigh before pulling down his underwear. His cock now free slaps his stomach to which he breathes out heavily. You grab him with both hands, giving him one last look before taking the leaking head into your mouth. Hands working on him steadily.
“T-that’s dirty!” he leans forward with a low sounding moan, his hands on your head and in your hair. Your eyes go wide at this. “Why would you put that in your mouth?!” he gasps, the warm wetness around his tip making him dizzy. “This is so vulgar, oh God, forgive me.” he cries, not pulling your mouth off of him but holding you there.
You circle your tongue around the tip and over his leaking slit, licking the beads of precum that leak out. It makes your grimace before you lean back, a wet pop as your mouth leaves. “Enough of your penitence, and take your hands off me.” It sounds like a warning to which he complies without question, only a hushed apology. He’s the one who wants to be touched anyways, not you.
You take him into your mouth again, your lips wrap around him in a painful stretch to accommodate his size. He sits heavy on your tongue that lays flat underneath, doing what you can with it. Your hands at the base work around him, jerking and squeezing him like you did before. You weren’t really sure what you were doing, mainly just mocking the actions you read about in books. It seems to be working for Sunghoon regardless because he can barely hold himself together. Whining and whimpering through fat tears, whole body shuddering from the overwhelming wet heat of your mouth.
His jaw goes slack, mouth hung open only to elicit a breathless moan. His head rolls back on his neck and his eyes flutter to a close. The feeling of your mouth wrapping around him is hot heaven. His body trembles with the new, sweeping sensation. Stomach already tight with contracting muscles. He thinks he could pass out.
Watching his face, him, discover and feel pleasurable sin is slightly euphoric to you. You’ve seen it in movies and read of it in books, but it was something you never quite fully explored yourself. There’s been a few instances that you did touch yourself; it always felt empty or like something was always missing. There’s little to no excitement when doing it alone in shameful hiding. Witnessing, causing such debauchery is different somehow. Safer in ways you didn’t dwell in thought on. You do wish he would stop crying about it, you find it pathetic of him in a provoked way.
Involuntarily, he thrusts himself down your throat with a guttural groan. You gag and cough around him, tears sting your eyes that make you squeeze them shut—refusing to let a single one dare to escape. Now it felt like a challenge. One to which you wouldn’t back down in fear of looking weak.
Your hands hold his thighs roughly, bruisingly so if you had the strength. You move his body in a small back and forth motion, encouraging him to continue his movements. You’re looking up at him with glazed over eyes and a slight nod. He chokes a sob at the sight, you on your knees not to pray but to devour him.
“Ah, I- I’m sorry. Your mouth is so wet, so warm.” He starts off with shallow thrusts, dragging his cock along your wet muscle. His hips stutter while his world seems to be crashing down. “This is so dirty. You look so dirty. And—ngh—it’s.. it’s so good. It’s so good,” he babbles, pushing himself as far down into your mouth as he can. His tip kisses the back of your throat making you gag around him. Your nails digging into the flesh of his strong legs. He can’t stop moaning and whimpering, becoming a slave to pleasure.
He watches your face. Hollowed cheeks sucking and swallowing around him, the tightness of your throat around him hugging and contracting through chokes that reverberate your body to his cock. The spit that leaks from your lips and all over him is obscene, such a sinful mess. He so badly wants to grab your head and force himself down further, but his nails dig into the wood of the table instead.
“Hm, I can’t—” he moans your name, thrusting rougher now. His whole body crumbling in on itself, chasing the feeling of release.
Then there’s the sound of footsteps and a few voices that follow. Sunghoon sucks in a deep breath, taking a fist to his mouth to bite down onto. He looks at you in fear because of the proximity of the other farmhands right outside. This only makes you smirk around him, a glint of evil in your eyes. He shakes his head hurriedly, stopping his movements—as if that would make you both disappear.
You push yourself off his cock, licking over your cracked and saliva covered lips. You bring a finger to your lips and shush him. “Be quiet or they’ll find out what a nasty whore you are. Unless you want that.” Your voice is quiet and raspy from the abuse of him fucking himself down your throat. You stare into his eyes intently before taking him back in. He glances from you to the door of the shed, his body shaking.
You slurp and suck him up, purposely loud and sloppy. A hand jerking off the base that doesn’t quite fit in your mouth. He cries quietly with his mouth open, meek and desperate sounds escape that he can’t withhold. “Please…” He’s whimpering, begging for something that he doesn’t know the context of.
“Do you think the extra feed is in this one?” A voice questions, the door being opened just a crack.
Sunghoon quickly tries to bend down for his jeans but you slap his hand away, pushing him back into the table. You grip his thighs and force yourself to take all of him down. You gag around him, eyes never leaving his panicky and fucked out face. His face silently begs for you that enough is enough but you don’t stop, because a part of you knows he doesn’t want you to either.
“It doesn’t hurt to check, does it?” The other replies with a light chuckle. “Could take a break for some shade too while we’re at it.” The door opens slowly with an agonizing creak, sunlight barely pouring.
Each passing second feels like an eternity to him. The door is still only cracked, not enough for them to see inside but it’s cutting it close. His cock twitches at the thought of being caught with his dick down the throat of the farmer’s daughter. A blazing adrenaline rushes through him.
Sunghoon can’t bear it any longer. His hands find purchase on the back of your head, pushing himself completely into your mouth. His hips stutter with a whimper on his lips as the hot cum pours down your throat. “Ah, sh- ngh!” You smack at his legs for him to release the hold, choking for air to breathe. You instinctively swallow around him, consuming his load of sin.
“You dumbass! The horses are already fed, let’s just go for a water break.” The door slams back on itself to a close. Their footsteps can be heard walking away.
Sunghoon breathes heavily, letting go of you. His body instantly relaxing back with his elbows on the table to support him. Meanwhile you fall onto your ass, a hand around your throat while you gasp for air through rough coughs. “What the fuck did I say about putting your hands on me?” You rasp before coughing again. The taste of him sits on the back of your tongue no matter how much you swallow.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “we shouldn’t get caught.” He pulls his pants and boxers back up then extends a hand to you, an offering to help you stand back up.
You scoff, ignoring his hand and stand up on your own. You brush the dirt and stray strands of hay from your knees. “Whatever. We both got what we wanted.” You start to turn for the door to leave the shed with the thought of brushing your teeth in mind.
Sunghoon, confused as to what you could’ve gotten out of helping him, just reaches for your hand. He grabs you and pulls you back to look at him. His eyes are sad, maybe even a little afraid by your haste to leave. “Y-you’re just going to leave me again?” He sounds broken by the fact.
“What?” You can’t help but breathe a laugh, “Did you expect me to do more?” You ask with raised brows.
“No! No, not like that.. But..” He swallows his pride, “I- I don’t know. Just don’t leave yet. Please.”
You blink at him, scanning his features like a robot in calculation. The pleading of his expression and his words aggravate you. A fiery burning to your insides and the skin that he touches, that he reached for. You look down to his tight grip on your hand before yanking it away. You don’t say anything more, and neither does he. He wipes his eyes from whatever salty wetness is still there.
A moment of silence solidifies your decision. You beckon him to follow you out and he does.
For the rest of his work day you remain. You try not to think about why. But subconsciously you know it’s because for the first time someone willingly wants to be by your side. At first you imagine it’s because of what you’ve done for him—gave him what any man desires: pleasure. A man falling into temptation is far too easy.
Though he doesn’t ask for more and he doesn’t bring it up. Almost like it never happened.
It seems like he really just wants to be around you. There’s little said between each other. It’s just idle farm work with company. And it’s more peaceful than you expected it to be. He didn’t touch you, question you, or do much at all to bother you in general.
Sometimes he stares at you, but you do the same to him. He even gives a sheepish smile when he catches you; it doesn’t get returned. That doesn’t bother him though. He thinks you look beautiful on the farm in your dress with dirt covered hands and hair messy from the wind. He hopes to tell you that one day but for now he stays shy, still weary and afraid.
The sun shines relentlessly unless a cloud mercifully passes by. The breeze is rare yet kind. The animals make their sounds to sing a collective song. The trees and crops sway like waving hands of hellos and goodbyes, depending on where you’re headed to or from. It’s not so bad.
Two weeks go by. Time flies by for both you and Sunghoon. He comes to work during the week, and he spends his weekends missing you. He doesn’t know what you two are to each other, and he’s too scared to ask. There’s definitely been changes to the dynamic, however. Subtly so. You still don’t smile, or let him touch you. You roll your eyes and insult him if he’s too emotional. But you’re there.
Certainly not everyday, but most, you spend his work days with him. It’s easier to be around one another. There can be small talk, usually about the farm or the weather. Still much to be learned about on a personal level, but he’s fine with the pace of the relationship (outside of the unholy acts that are committed). Sometimes you even end up helping him. Or at least he thinks of it that way. In reality you don’t like how he does things and take over to do it yourself.
You still tease him in your cruel ways. Always ending with him in a mess because he’s easily worked up by your handsy curiosity. He caves into you every time because he can’t fight the divinity that you show him.
There are other times where you confuse him. You suggest a water break knowing he’d gone hours without hydration under the summer heat. You insist on having him take a break under a roof away from the sun when his skin gets too sweaty or red. Which is followed by a reminder that sunscreen is important if he wishes to keep his milky complexion. It’s critical statements that you provide him, but he can’t help to think it’s a weird way of showing you care.
Sure, it could be seen as you selfishly saying these things because it’s what you want for yourself, but in the back of his mind he’s very aware of how you watch and cater to him. It makes his heart jump every time and butterflies swarm his stomach. He can’t help it. The little things, the small acts of kindness—that you might not even intend—make him delusionally overthink.
On the third weekend since starting his summer job, Jake can’t help all the questions he’s been building up and dying to ask. Jake doesn’t understand what Sunghoon has been going through, especially when his moods change so drastically. At first, Sunghoon was self isolating and pouty, clearly in his own head and sulking. But then he would come home from work beaming with an afterglow to his aura. And then on the weekends he was back to his reclusive, depressed state.
Sick of being left out of Sunghoon’s inner turmoil, Jake finally pesters his friend.
“When are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jake stands in the doorway of Sunghoon’s room, staring at his friend who’s laying face down in his bed.
“I don’t know…” Sunghoon’s words are muffled in his pillow.
Jake walks in with a sigh and sits at the end of the bed. He playfully slaps Sunghoon’s leg. “Dude, just tell me. You’re obviously going through something. You know I can keep a secret. I won’t judge.”
Sunghoon rolls over on his back, his hands clasped together over his stomach as he stares up to the ceiling. He confides in Jake, telling his story from the beginning of when he first met you. He stutters over his words when he admits to the sinful acts he partook in with you. He tells Jake of his guilty conscience and how he enjoyed indulging in the feelings. Then he tells Jake about how he simply likes your company even without the sexual circumstances involved. How he’s mystified by your complex personality and only wishes to know you more. However, he does leave out the viciousness of your nature, since a part of him doesn’t quite believe in it.
“It seems like you’re starting to develop a crush.” Jake laughs lightly, “And if it’s about religion, don’t overthink it too much. Nobody dies completely pure.” He reassures him. “You should show her more of you. That you like her too.”
Sunghoon groans and covers his face at the terrifying suggestion. If only you were that easy to approach in such a vulnerable way. “I guess… I’ll consider it.”
The next day is Sunday. Jake and Sunghoon attend church as normal. Sunghoon participates less in his prayers and songs than usual. His mind is too preoccupied with all he has going on in life. He feels guilt and frustration.
Sunghoon, lost in his own world, fails to realize that his best friend—Jake—battles something similar internally.
You’re never as alone as you think you are if you take a better look around. Everyone is riddled with their own self disgust, guilt, or shame. How else would the churches be so full?
Entering the fourth week of summer should feel easier than it does for Sunghoon. The work seems to be picking up regarding responsibilities. The weather is only becoming less forgivable. The peak is yet to hit, but that only means the seasonal storms are right around the corner. More care is needed in the fields and barns in terms of protection in case of unpredictable weather.
Aside from the work, Sunghoon is anxious because of you. He hasn’t seen you yet today and he feels nervous about it. Perhaps he has grown too clingy, finding close comfort in knowing you’re there with him on the farm. There’s a sense of safety when you’re in the line of sight; you make things easier for him and he enjoys the presence.
While he’s watering plants and checking the sprinklings through the fields, an older man approaches him. It’s a familiar face that he’s seen around a few times over the past month. The man waves with a smile and Sunghoon does the same.
“It’s amazing what you’ve done, boy.” The man begins, Sunghoon questions where he’s going with the start because he’s just an extra hand of help and doesn’t feel he’s accomplished or improved the farm in drastic ways. “I’ve worked here, hm, well I’ll be damned! Nearly 15 years! And I’ve never once seen that farm girl talk to anyone. Much less spend time.” the man chuckles.
“Oh!” Sunghoon blushes and hopes it’s only mistaken as feverish from the summer. He smiles small and stares down to the bundle of plants he brought with him to the farm today. He feels special knowing this much of you. “She’s something…”
“Sometimes I’d see her talk to herself and the animals.” The man pulls out a cigarette and lighter to smoke. “She’d walk around aimlessly like a ghost. Used to scare the hell outta me.” As he laughs, smoke escapes his lungs. He wheezes a little before continuing, “But now she follows and watches you like she’s worshipin’. If only she did the same with her daddy. Although with a face like yours, I can’t blame the girl.”
“Pardon? What do you mean by that?” Sunghoon, bemused, watches the man smoke and laugh between weak coughs. “She has a dad?” His last question is overroad by the man who speaks over him.
“You keep up your work, kid. I outta get back to mines too.” And then he’s walking away with a low chuckle, shaking his head to himself.
Sunghoon’s aware of your mother. He always thought it was just the two of you running things. He’s never once seen a man, your father, leave the house or so much so be around it. This gives him more to think about, especially on the fact that he still doesn't know much about you at all. You’re still an enigma to him, but he wants everything.
By the afternoon when all the guys are finishing up their break, you finally come out of the house. With the sound of the front door opening, Sunghoon is quick to straighten his posture and find your eyes. You’re already looking at him, watching him and his surroundings with no expression. His cheeks burn and he can’t help the smile forming on his lips.
Two and a half days without seeing you feels like so much longer.
He stands up from the picnic table, grabbing his newspaper wrapped bundle of greenery and shyly hiding it behind his back. He walks over to you, tripping over his feet as he approaches the porch steps to the house. You stand there in front of the door but at the top of the few stairs, arms crossed and amused.
He’s diffident, arms behind him and modestly attempting to hide how nervous he feels on the inside. His stomach is doing flips, his heart racing. On top of already sweating. He feels like he could throw up his lunch right in front of your feet. He swallows thickly before slowly bringing his hands out in front of himself.
“I,” he clears his throat, “ehem, I got these for you.” With outstretched arms, the bundle of flowers shake in his trembling hands. He suddenly feels he’s too nervous to even meet your eyes, so he watches the chipped paint wood of the front porch steps.
You just stand there, watching him with wide eyes and your heart in your throat. Your mouth is lost for words, glancing around at the few farmhands who haven’t left yet and are staring at Sunghoon’s exchange in a similar bewilderment. Some are trying to keep themselves from bursting out into laughter.
“Are you some kind of stupid?” You whisper harshly for only him to hear, snatching the flowers out of his hands. “Why the hell would you do this?” Your words like your tone are mean, but in your chest there’s a raging pounding. It’s a seething raw emotion that doesn’t know how to be dealt with. You’ve only just stepped out of the house and your body feels like it’s inside a furnace.
Sunghoon’s head shoots back up to look at you, his face and heart drop. “I-I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I wasn’t sure what to do.. This is what boyfriends do, right?” He takes a hand to scratch at the back of his head. Inner turmoil takes over and he thinks he’s fucked up. He bites at his lip, doing his best not to instantly cry in regret.
You notice this and sigh, irritated. You look from the neatly wrapped white roses and tulips and back to Sunghoon. “So you are stupid,” you mumble before taking your own bottom lip between your teeth. A part of you wants to sneer, but you spin on your heels to hide the warmth that floods your face in substitution. “I’m throwing them away,” you announce, opening the door and walking back inside your house.
Sunghoon, broken, just drops his head and turns back. A few of the farmhands are snickering from not too far away, chattering among each other and eyeing Sunghoon. He wishes God would smite him on the spot from the humiliation.
Wanting to avoid everything for a little while, he thinks of heading to the lodge to lay down in hiding. But before he can walk away, the front door of your house swings open once more. He glances back at you, meeting your eyes like he always seems to do.
“Done for the day already?” You call over to him, now leaning over the banister of the porch with crossed arms.
Sunghoon, unable to refute you, offers a weak smile and shakes his head. “No.”
He walks back over to you and you meet him halfway. You don’t say anything else. You don’t bring up the fact that he had bought you flowers or confused the odd relationship you share for dating. It’s cute in all its blind innocence, but that just goes to show you that you have more work to do with him.
You don’t think of messing with him today. He’s distinctly grown too clingy with how much time you’ve spent with him. Yet you can’t ignore him either. The two of you carry out the rest of the day’s farm work in silence. The inner fury you feel with him doesn’t seem to go away, despite how he hasn’t said much or even brushed skin with you.
You don’t know how you’re remaining pacific by his side. The rampaging of your heart strings tug like a screaming instrument just from being next to him. How he can keep walking tall, stare at you when he thinks you aren’t looking, or even smile at you is beyond what you know is capable of humans. Men like him only existed in books and movies. You wonder if he’s perhaps playing a game like you.
By the time he’s in the truck to go back to town to catch a bus into the city, you’re sitting at the lake dock. Criss crossed legs, a bouncing knee, and fingernails being ripped at by your teeth. You stare blankly at the water, hoping for that sense of serenity to encapsulate you. It never seems to come. It just feels cold.
So you decide on punishing him for making you feel this way.
You don’t leave your house for the next three days. You don’t make yourself known, heard or seen. However, you’re peeking out every window of your house to get any chance of a view of him. You hate yourself for being so curious of him in the first place. What was supposed to be good fun has only left you feeling angry. Taking his innocence was never going to heal you, or even make him like yourself. In fact, it’s making you sicker.
And on the night of the fourth Thursday, you’re laying in bed staring at your ceiling. A stuffed animal is hugged tightly to your chest. You can’t sleep and you can’t stop thinking about someone for the first time in your life. No amount of tossing and turning, counting sheep, or button presses to your distorted singing, stuffed bear made it easier.
Somehow, you ended up punishing yourself. You always had a knack for that, historically, but this time felt different. It actually kind of hurt. Being alone came naturally to you, but tonight it hits you just how lonely you’ve always been.
Friday, the farmhands are huddled on the front porch of your house. All the animals are safely away in their designated homes thanks to their help. It started to storm in a heavy downpour only minutes ago. What started out as a dark gray gloom and windy rain quickly turned into an early flooded property, illuminated by strikes of flashing lightning and roaring thunder.
You stand dry under the protection of the porch roof by the front door. Watching and listening to your mother suggest the shaking cold, soaked men take shelter in the lodge until the sky lets up so they can head home.
Sunghoon hasn’t spared a look to you all day, but you know that he feels his eyes on you. It’s in the way he shifts awkwardly amongst the men that ignore him. How his eyes are trained low and unfocused yet always trying to move in your direction. His wet hair falls over his face, concealing his emotions you wish to dissect. He comes off as stoic but you know he wears his heart on his sleeve; how his body language speaks volumes.
Your mother pushes past you to get back inside, saying she’ll check the basement for a spare heater that the boys could use at the lodge. There’s something in you that makes you move without thinking. Suddenly a hand is tugging at the bottom of Sunghoon’s damp jacket for his attention. The material is too thin for this weather and the thought of him becoming sick crosses your mind.
“It’s warmer here,” your words, for once, came out soft. Too much so, being lost in the cracking sound of thunder. He looks at you through his bangs. The wave of alleviation from whatever he was dealing with is palpable. His eyes and body almost look relaxed. You tug him towards you once more, insinuating that he follows you.
He does. Like whatever subconscious emotion made you approach him also made him follow you in. As he steps in, he notices the indistinguishable vibes of the farmer’s lodge. It’s updated and cleaner, but similar in aesthetics. A shotgun sits leaning up against the wall by the front door. His brows furrow and eyes narrow. “Those aren’t safe to have lying around…” he mumbles.
You tug him towards the staircase to walk up, “It’s protection. Only my mother and I are here,” is mumbled back as you lead him up the wooden, creaking stairs. Your feet move light and quick, like a mouse in a home not theirs. If your mother saw you, there would be unnecessary consequences. And the possibility of your father’s involvement would only worsen such.
Sunghoon cautiously steps into your bedroom, his body tenses at the sound of you shutting and locking the door. He feels on edge, wrapping his arms around his shivering body and soaked clothes. You move around him to sit on your bed, telling him to remove his sopping attire. He does so with shaking hands, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. He shyly looks around the room while using his hands to cover his manhoon.
His eyes scan over you, sitting quietly on your bed with a look of contemplation that stares past him. A wooden cross hangs on the wall above your bed, the dark wood matches the decadent bed frame. The nightstand nearby has a pile of books and journals with a low light lamp and unlit candle.
The large window has sheer white curtains drawn open and a vase on the windowsill. A glass vase filled with the flowers he gave you earlier in the week. His heart aches at the sight of the still healthy white roses and tulips, and a smile graces his lips. You liar! You kept them! Is what runs through his thoughts.
Without Sunghoon realizing, you got up to grab a towel and drape over the back of his shoulders. He’s taken aback by your ghost-like actions, but offers you a small smile of appreciation. “Thanks…”
You nod for response and glance from him to the vase of flowers he was lost in thought over. You didn’t have it in to explain yourself, mostly because you didn’t understand why you had done so either.
He dries himself off and finds a place to sit at the end of your bed. You’re on the other end with your back pressed to the headboard, watching him, counting every mole you can find on his pale canvas. The stuffed animal you sleep with is being mindlessly fumbled around in your hands.
Sunghoon turns to face you directly, he reaches a hand out, eyes shifting from your face and the winged bear. You shoot him a mean look at first, only holding it closer to yourself before your face softens to slowly extend it out to him.
He takes it with careful hands and looks down to inspect the old toy. Its cream colored fur is dirtied and matted with age. The holographic satin wings on the back have loose stitching and its halo is crooked. Across the chest of the bear reads ‘Jesus Loves Me’ but it’s obvious the sewn name Jesus has been ripped away at. One paw has a red heart embroidered saying ‘press me’. His thumb brushes over the button heart before pressing down. The bear sings in a distorted happy voice the lullaby of Jesus loves me.
“His name is Saint Michael,” you say quietly and he almost doesn’t catch it. Sunghoon can only breathe a laugh because he finds the dichotomy cute. You almost laugh too, but bite your tongue and look back to your empty hands. You don’t know it but he can see you try to fight your little smile. To him, this moment means more than anything; he’s starting to see you’re more tender than you realize. It brings him a sense of surety in knowing that he can break you like you to do him.
Silly as it may seem for a troubled girl, the bear was the only comfort you had throughout childhood. There was no kindness from your father, no solace from your mother, no guide in knowing life or love. But there was Saint Michael, the stuffed angel bear; he may not have defended you in battle but he hugged you back, and that was enough to cherish him like a deity.
Sunghoon crawls across the bed and sits himself next to you, too close for your liking, but you don’t push him away. He hands the stuffie back to you and you place it on the nightstand to face away from you. You lower yourself in the bed, shuffling under the covers of the blanket and he does the same. His skin naked bare yearns for more warmth, yours specifically.
You feel him turn on his side next to you, pressing up against you despite there being enough space on the bed. His movements are awkward and nervous like he is. You feel a certain pressure against your thigh that isn’t his bones or limbs. You spare him a glance, he doesn’t know if it’s a warning or dare.
“...Have I ruined you?” You wonder aloud, looking back to the ceiling.
“No,” he answers quickly, shaking his head against your shoulder. The way he’s missed you in his desire to touch you, hands tingling with want to snake around your waist and pull you in tight. “I think I just want you all the time now. I can’t help it, m’sorry.” He sounds ashamed in his soft mumbles.
“I’ll only keep stripping all that purity from you. Once it’s mine it’ll remain mine, you know that right?” You look back at him before brushing some of his drying hair from his eyes. He tries to lean up into the touch but your hand is taken back. “And I will pretend it’s healing all that’s missing from me. Do you really want to be mine, Sunghoon?” Your words are so gentle yet laced with threat.
“Yes,” he exhales, “I want to be yours. Let me be yours please.” It’s hushed, a secret prayer with hope. His hips push further into the skin of your leg, where the hip meets the thigh. He wouldn’t mind going to Hell if it meant more time with you.
“You beg like a needy barn animal in heat.” You use a hand to cup his face, he sighs into the hold as he eyes flutter to a close. You push your leg in between his, terribly close to his exposed and vibrating body. “So hump me like one.”
“W-what?” he stutters out before licking over his lips, his thighs squeezing around the plush of yours now trapped in his. His eyes already wet with desperate want, staring back at yours.
“Do it. Like it’s mating season and you want to claim me before anyone else.”
A cracked voice whine falls from his lips and he begins to roll his growing bulge against you. You watch as he sucks in breaths between quiet breathy moans. His pink, plump lips pursing and falling open. His eyes try to stay on your face, how close you are to him, but they fall shut sometimes in his basking of rapture. It’s a slutty sight of a faith-sickened boy.
He loves the little to no proximity that there is. His hands find place on your waist, and he’s aware of how that makes you feel, but he can’t stop it. He wants more and more of you. His hands slide up under your shirt, the feeling on your bare skin in his hands makes his body shudder. Untouched, warm flesh for his large hands to explore and learn every curve of.
Even you stiffen at his exploration, holding in your breath as if you’ve forgotten how to breathe. Your shirt lifts up more with his hands and the exposure is daunting like you’re revealing your insides.
The pit of your stomach lights up and you're frozen under his clutch. The pads of his fingers hold you so tight as if he’s scared you’ll disappear. His cock is raging and you can feel every pulse of blood that his heart beat floods to. He’s humping into you desperately, chasing the euphoria that he could never find on his own. Such a delicate, shy boy now driven by lust and longing.
“You’re pathetic and disgusting. You’re practically fucking me through our clothes,” you murmur while you try to push his hands down off you, but his grip won’t let up. Instead his nails dig further into you, a barely sounding broken noise escapes you from the pain. This makes his body collapse further into you, his head dropping between your shoulder and neck. His movements are sloppy and rushed.
“N-no, I’m still good. You make me feel good, I am so good,” he whines, tears beginning to fall from his eyes to your shoulder. You try to imagine his holy water is washing you clean but it only singes.
“Tell me that only I make you feel good, that you’re only good for me.”
“Only you—can only be you to make me good,” he cries against your warmth, rocking himself into you roughly. His leaking cock begins to twitch against you and his hips won’t quit their stuttered jerks.
You hum lightly and run a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He looks up at you with those desperate, wet, dark eyes and you can’t help but acknowledge how pretty he is like this. His puffy cheeks are flushed pink as the tip of his nose. “Only for me,” you mumble.
“Yes, thank you, I am yours. Yes.” His breaths are jagged and heavy. There’s a coiling in his abdomen that feels borderline explosive. You were right, he craves this feeling. It’s surreal to him how he’s gone so long without it. His arms wrap around you completely now, holding you down while his body rolls on top of yours, situated between your legs. His heart hammers against your chest; he wants to mold into you, to become a singular rot.
You squeak a gasp, being caged down by him. Your heart beats with the same veracity. One of your arms wraps around his waist to hold his back while the other holds the back of his head that hasn’t left the safety of your neck. He continuously sobs through meek moans. His hair tickles your skin like sparks while his lips brush over your jaw and neck making the tingle feel like crackling flames.
Under his weight you feel yourself slipping in both confidence and dominance, your body wanting to sink down in submission from the unknown comfort of his control. Your heart aches and you feel something you’ve never felt before. You think you’re scared of it, yet your body pulls him closer. Hand in his hair, tugging with fearful aggression. Nails piercing the skin of his shoulder blade. You’re pliant under his heavy thrusts and sounds of sin.
The rain pours harder outside with whips of harsh winds smacking the window. It’s almost like God’s wrath is screaming to be seen, to shout that He is watching.
Sunghoon’s hard cock is relentless against your core. The rough grind of him is stimulating in ways you’ve never felt before, your body sensitive and starving for more. You squeeze your eyes shut and moan within your closed mouth, hating yourself for feeling this way because it was never supposed to be about you. You are betraying yourself more than your fathers.
The sounds you try to withhold make Sunghoon weaker. He feels uncontrollable, only becoming needier and hungrier with his movements, “I can’t stop. I can’t stop.” He whines, begging for you to vocalize how you feel it too.
You feel like you’re breaking underneath him, and it feels shameful. Like every harsh word your father ever spat at you was true now that you’re a part of the experience and not just the cause. Everything is too much. It takes every ounce of strength you have to turn both of your bodies over. Now sitting up on top of his lap, you can finally breathe again, sighing in relief. He whimpers at the distance between you both but also from the view of you.
He moans your name softly as he grips your hips, pushing himself up into your clothed pussy like he’s fucking you. Your hands push down on his shoulders. You stare into his eyes with a plain expression and contrasting sharp eyes, grinding your hips back down on top of him. It’s hard to ignore the way it makes you feel, watching him fall apart beneath you as his pulsing cock fucks against you, but you manage.
“Cum for me,” you demand quietly, “make a mess and imagine it’s inside me.”
“Holy fu—ngh,” his entire body spasms and shudders with a low groan falling from his open lips. His movements slow down only to become lazier and uncoordinated. You can feel the warm wetness he spills soak through your thin pajama shorts and underwear.
“You’re right. You are good for me,” you coo softly, cupping his face and using your thumbs to wipe away the tears. Your hips circle and swivel slowly on him until his quivering cock finishes cumming.
Sunghoon has a sparkle to his wet eyes. The way the gentle praise left your lips makes him melt, and he can’t stop the flickering glance between your eyes and lips. He breathes heavily through his post clarity. Still he basks in your touch with a hopeful look in his eyes. His tongue slides over his lips before he’s leaning up towards your face, hands affixed to your waist to pull you closer to him.
This makes a wave of panic wash over you, knowing what he wants to do. You shake your head no and pull yourself away, slipping off of his lap only to turn away from him.
“None of that. It’s not what-”
And then there’s a press of lips to your cheek. Your face burns as if a hot coal was what kissed your face. Your eyes go wide, turning to see the boy sitting up next to you. He only wears a shy smile as he sees your reaction.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a week now,” he admits with a small laugh. “Not exactly there but that’s fine. I wish you would let me help you feel good too.” he whispers, looking back to the windowsill where the gifted flowers stood in their vase with the raging storm as their backdrop.
“That’s dumb and I don’t need to,” you reply, still watching him stare forward. Your chest feels painful; it’s an ache like shattered glass trying to piece together in the wrong ways. Stabbing but trying.
“I think you deserve to,” he argues. “But I understand if it’s not what you want. I was really touchy and I shouldn’t have been because you don’t seem like it. I was too caught up in the moment.” His mind goes to the mess he’s still sitting in and he feels self-conscious all over again. “Is it embarrassing how much I need you?”
You blink at him, swallowing the words that were never going to come out because you didn’t even know what they should or would be. So you settle with a simple, “No.”
You think it would kill you to admit how much you actually always wished to be wanted, needed, or loved. A bigger part of you didn’t think you were worthy of it, let alone capable. The world had such a way of saying otherwise. Until it brought Sunghoon to you; the boy who showed you feelings and experiences you never thought possible.
As if he could read your mind, he asks, “Why did you choose me out of everyone?” He falls back onto the bed, laying down and pulling the blanket over himself.
“I think you reminded me of a lamb.”
“Pardon?” His brows furrow.
You lay back down next to him, facing him like he is to you. “Pretty, white, and docile. You were so nervous when I first saw you—sometimes you still are.” You even laugh a little. “When you shook my hand I knew I could do anything to you because you’d let me.”
“You think I’m pretty?” He smiles wide, scooting closer to you.
You scoff with an eye roll, leaning further away from him. “Oh shut up, you’ve seen a mirror.”
And then it’s his turn to laugh a little. He looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and falls. It kind of hurts you to see him like this because it reminds you of your initial rotten intentions and how they’re dissipating the more you’re with him.
Time passes faster than the two of you realize. There’s light banter and easy conversations. You learn more about Sunghoon. Where he goes to school, what he studies, and who his friends are. He tells you of the sports he used to do and what he does in free time with his best friend. The more you learn about him, the more you understand his naivety and how despite what you’ve done, he won’t change. There’s something lovely about it.
You don’t have much to share about your life the way he does, at least not in the same light. But you show him your favorite books, drawings you made over the years, and share the stories of movies you found interesting. He savors the moment of you simply confiding, enjoying the more he can know about you.
The storm passes later in the evening. So caught up in borrowing time, the rain has slowed down to a simple pitter patter. The clouds dispersed and the setting sun only came through to say goodbye to the day.
The sound of the truck that the farmhands use to take back to town is heard roaring to life, signalling you and Sunghoon that it’s safe and time to head out.
Sunghoon jumps out of bed but by the time he’s shoving himself into his still damp jeans and looking out the window, the truck is already speeding down the dirt, now mud riddled road.
“They just left without me,” he breathes out. “I’m used to them leaving me out, but t-this is.. How am I going to get home?” He looks back to you with sad eyes, not the light they had earlier. He’s not shocked by their actions, but he is disappointed. A hand runs through his hair in his stress.
“Should I kill them?” Your question is brazen, body and voice eerily still in your seriousness.
“W-what?!” he whispers in shock, freezing for a moment.
“I’m joking.” You sit up and watch Sunghoon resume getting dressed. “I think you should head back to the lodge for the night. There’s a washer and dryer for your clothes. And spare food for dinner too.”
Sunghoon nods slightly, “your jokes are weird, but okay.” He looks like he’s thinking of something, taking his bottom lip between his teeth in thought before speaking again. “Can you stay with me for the night at least?” he asks shyly.
“No,” comes out quicker than you intended. “...But I guess I can walk with you there.”
He nods again but now with his signature small dimpled smile. You almost forgot about being angry at the other farmhands for taking it away.
You have to make sure the coast is clear before leaving the house. You tiptoe down the halls and stairs, weary of where your mother is inside the house. To your luck, she’s in her usual state. She’s passed out on the couch with two empty bottles of wine on the floor. The television volume is low, playing a rerun of the reverend’s sermon; the devil himself of your childhood, preaching about how he lost his child to the otherside.
With a finger to your lips, you silently signal for Sunghoon to be quiet and to follow you out.
Once safely out of the front door, you take his hand in yours and start running for the lodge. The tall boy is behind you, so you don’t get to see the bright smile on his lips or in his eyes as you run through the light run towards the lodge.
Now standing in the front doorway of the farmer’s lodge, wet from the sky all over again and still hand in hand, Sunghoon bravely speaks up.
“I don’t like it when you disappear on me,” he breathes out shakily, honestly. “Nobody else sees me like you do,” he squeezes your hand tighter in his, feeling you begin to pull away. “Come with me into the city tomorrow. We can- I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure I want more time with you.”
His eye contact is unwavering, begging. Both of his strong hands hold onto yours. You glance from your hand then back to his pleading expression. He will always remain so sweet, no matter what you do to him.
“I felt less lonely before I met you,” you confess, eyes unblinking as you stare up at him for a long pause. “I’ll meet you here in the morning.”
In only seconds, he’s pulling you into a hug. His arms wrap around you so tightly as he holds you to his chest. You go stiff in his arms, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. What feels suffocating at first turns into a warmth you’ve become all too familiar with, and it was never anger. The indignation you always wear is just a hand me down from your parents; it doesn’t fit you right even though it’s comfortable.
With a shaky exhale, you wrap your arms around him too. The hug surrounds you like a blanket of unknown comfort. Your ear pressed to his chest listens to the sound of his racing heart. You can feel the pound throughout his entire body too. Every emotion held within is trying and fighting to be seen. It’s still so cold from the rain but he feels contrast, only warm. His lips press a kiss to the top of your head, making your body burn even more and your hold all the tighter.
True to your word, you meet Sunghoon at the farmer’s lodge the next morning. He seems happier than usual. Very giddy to be spending a weekend day with you without work in the way. No distractions or excuses to leave. Just the two of you and a new day with zero obligations.
Because you had a spare bike, you both are able to peddle towards town to the bus stop together. Having made these frequent trips alone, you’re familiar with the owner of the gas station at the stop. He’s a deaf older man, and it surprises Sunghoon that you know how to sign and ask him to hold onto the bikes until you’re back. You tell Sunghoon that you learned some basics from reading a book you bought a long time ago.
Stunned, Sunghoon realizes that you went out of your way to do so for one man who watches your bike while you endure solo trips. You, the odd girl who was mean and sinful, used your money and learned a language for one man who did a simple favor. He’s learning more to admire you for by the day, and it’s crazy to him how you don’t see your own charm.
Sunghoon pays your bus fares even though you insisted on being capable of doing so yourself. Sat in the middle of the bus that’s only barely half filled, he asks if there’s anything you’d like to do for the day while in the city. Nobody has ever asked you such an effortless thing, and you like it more than you imagined. Just uncomplicated curiosity of your wishes.
“The book store. The small yellow one on main street. Maybe see a movie if anything is worth seeing.” You shrug, spewing out the usual things you do. Looking around the taken bus seats, you notice some familiar faces.
“That sounds nice,” he smiles, “our first real date! I think there’s a cafe near that book store too. Do you like coffee?”
Your cheeks burn as you stare at him in bewilderment, “you think we’re going on a date?!”
“Of course we are,” he laughs like it’s obvious and wraps an arm around your shoulder, looking out of the window. All that the town can offer him other than you passes by. “I’m a fan of americanos. You seem like you’d take your coffee black.”
“I don’t even like coffee,” you mumble, turning your attention out of the window as well. “Tea is nice though.” You add in, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Hm. I can see that too,” he hums as he pulls you closer into his side.
So much can change in such little time. You’ve experienced this many times in one life. How one day can open a new door to a path otherwise not taken. Showing Sunghoon more of you has made him bloom into a larger ray of light. He seems more comfortable, and now you’ve become the awkward one.
The ride to the city doesn’t normally take this long, or at least you don’t think it does. Every second with him by your side makes the experience feel brand new. The theme of time being unreal is common with him, you’ve discovered. It’s when you’re in the bookstore and see a holiday sale that you realize it’s not even June anymore.
While Sunghoon looks for books for his upcoming college semester, you find yourself in genre sections you never really cared for before. The dark and racy ones were fun to bring home, sure. But innocent, cliche romance was always something cringey to you. Now if you change your perspective to that of research then it’s less daunting, right? Perhaps you’d make sense of all the things you’re discovering about yourself and him. Yeah, that’s convincing enough.
He teases you at the checkout counter when he sees what you picked out. Your face flushes in embarrassment and you can’t even bite back at him or defend your choices. So you smack him with the book on the way out while he laughs and makes jokes that aren’t very funny.
The two of you do manage to catch a movie. You honestly didn’t care to see one, but having to sit silently in a theater for at least an hour and half seemed like enough time for him to, hopefully, forget and drop the whole book situation. It’s a summer slasher film. A group of teens go camping and the plot is very ‘who done it’ style. Overall, it’s a fun choice. You have your turn to laugh and joke when Sunghoon gets jumpy or scared.
After the movie, you both end up at the cafe Sunghoon mentioned while on the bus. There was something painfully intimate about everything today. But especially sitting down to eat with him. Not even your mother could meet you at the table anymore.
“You seem softer today,” Sunghoon states, setting his half-drunk coffee down. “Almost nervous. Is it because we’re out together for our first date? Or just the people in general?”
You raise a brow at his brazen curiosity and observation. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me,” you play with your fork to move around the barely touched food in front of you. “Or maybe it’s a bit of both.”
“If you come to the city enough to know sign language for the man who watches your bike, do you like it better than the countryside?”
“Don’t know. I’m used to the quiet life, but leaving it behind and pretending it’s not there is nice too.”
“What keeps you there?”
“The scenery. The air. The lake. Being friends with the animals.” You look up from the plate to Sunghoon who is watching you like a lecture: attentive and learning. “I’m not very good with people, so I think it suits me alright.”
“You’re good with me though,” he argues softly.
“No, not really. I wish I was more like everyone else,” you inhale deeply as your eyes wander around the bustling cafe. There’s a choir of laughter, conversations, and social dynamics you would have to study to master. “If I were a good person, everything would be easier.”
“...but I like you as you are,” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear, watching you shift in your seat. He doesn’t think you’re not a good person, and it hurts that you see yourself as such.
As Sunghoon speaks, there’s a chime that follows as the front door of the cafe is swung open. A disheveled man stumbles inside, heavy feet stomping the tile floor to attempt to stabilize his disorientation. The man burps obnoxiously loud, and many eyes find him with the grand entrance.
He scratches at his lengthy, unkept beard as he looks around. When his sunken eyes find you sitting at the table nearby his eyes grow wide and his mouth falls open. His hand shakes with a pointed finger in your direction, “y-you! The girl from the reverend’s sermon!” He’s loud, capturing the attention of everyone now. His sloppy movements make way towards you and Sunghoon; you feel everything within you freeze, and your heart knocks at your chest fast and hard with anxiety.
He slams his hands on the table, causing your plates and drinks to rattle. He reeks badly of alcohol and his crazed eyes never leave yours. You swallow thickly, fight or flight mode still trying to understand the situation before you. Meanwhile Sunghoon, worried and confused, slowly begins to stand up and grab your bags.
But you, you’re frozen staring at the messy man who talks of your greatest hate. Your hands tremble on the table.
“I thought the reverend made you up for stories, but my God! You’re the real living thing just like the pictures; his only sin,” he laughs boisterously in your face and you try not to gag. “I saw him a little whiles earlier, ya know,” his voice goes quieter, it’s taunting even. You wish to remain calm but your eyes tremble and a frown takes your face. “I should go find him and tell him you’re here. He really-”
Sunghoon takes your hand, practically dragging you away from the table. You almost fall from your seat, like a baby deer just learning to walk, there’s little strength to your legs.
“It’s not too late! You can be on the right side of things!” his voice ricochets off the walls of the now quiet cafe. “If I can be saved by his preaching, so can you! Look at me!” His mad laughter follows you and Sunghoon outside.
Sunghoon watches you stand on uneasy feet, zoned out staring at the sidewalk. It didn’t take much to put the pieces together that the drunken man was talking about your father. Your father being a reverend who’s not in the picture gave him much to wonder about, but now isn’t the time. He just wanted to get you somewhere away from this memory.
He crouches down in front of you. You slowly blink back to reality, now looking down at his back. You don’t want to speak so you poke his shoulder in questioning.
“Hop on. Let’s go somewhere else.”
“What if I’m heavy?” you look at the bags he’s already holding, feeling that you too are a burdened weight he doesn’t need to hold.
“I’ve got good muscles, remember? Good for farm work,” he’s patient and calm with you while his eyes watch the man from outside the glass cafe windows. “Come on, baby.”
Without thinking, you end up on his back. He carries you on his back, strong arms holding your legs while yours are loosely around his neck. Your insides are a flared up hurricane but at least that allows your body to forget the empty ache you left at the cafe. With your chin hooked over his shoulder, you watch the many people and downtown stores that pass by.
Sunghoon doesn’t exactly know where he’s walking, but thinks it’s best to end the day here and return you to the bus stop. He’s never seen that look on your face before—the one you had when the man was loud in your face. He didn’t like it, and he’s sure you hated it. You looked intimidated, or afraid.
“Would you kill him for me?” you watch the side of his face, “the reverend, I mean.”
He stops in his tracks and turns his head to look back at you, “w-what? I can’t kill someone… and you should joke like that.” he panics, looking around to see if someone was listening to the wild conversation and request.
“Yeah, I know. I’m fucking with you,” you look away to hide your smirk, “and only half joking.”
“Did you believe him before?” He starts walking again, but this time at a slower pace knowing the bus stop isn’t too far now.
“Who? My dad or Our Father?” There’s a use of air quotes at the end of your question.
“Both?” his head tilts.
“Neither,” you confirm. There’s a pause for thought and Sunghoon waits for you to further explain. “My relationship with both is too similar. They’ve both known me my whole life, right? Seen all of my wrong doings and in return shown wrath through unnecessary punishments called forgiveness. In what good world is tolerance violent?”
“What do you mean? What did he do?”
“Sometimes, after my mother set the table for dinner, he would knock my plate to the floor. Tell me to eat off the ground like the animal I was or starve.” Sunghoon frowns at this, coming to a slow stop when he sees the bus shelter bench. “Sometimes I had days and nights locked in the barns, but he switched it up to the basement when I was too close with the animals.” You laugh a little, but he senses the pain behind it. “I watched him kill the animals, too, only to smother me in their blood. Beatings were rare, but I think only because he despised the thought of even touching me.”
Sunghoon slowly sets you down to the ground and breathes out your name safely, taking your hands into his. He looks at you with sorrow, like he was the one who endured it with you.
“God’s orders, am I right? My father, the church goers, speak of God like they’ve seen his face and heard his voice, but they haven’t. I would’ve by now too.”
If He was really in everything, all around, why did He always turn a blind eye? Why does He pretend to not know you? It only made it harder to believe in—something that would bring you here, torture you then watch you suffer for not living how it pleases. God wants to be believed in, but so do you. Only you would never beg for compassion.
Sunghoon squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t think you should stay there. You never deserved that… even if you’re volatile and strange… because you’re also kind and caring. It’s why I like you. It’s their fault for not seeing that,” he reassures. “I haven’t been through what you have, and I can’t understand. I-I mean I can try to, ya know… it’s not like I’d leave if I didn’t.” His words begin to stumble nervously, not confident in its sympathy reaching you where needed.
You laugh nervously, trying to tug your hands away from his grip that doesn’t let up. “Okay sure whatever, this is really embarrassing now…” You swallow hard and find difficulty in meeting his eyes.
That’s all that matters, what he said to you, but you didn’t have it in you to say it. He already knows it though, smiling small and holding your hands still. Without words or excessive displays he can still see it in your eyes, the subtle comfort of acceptance.
He could never blame you for your nature. He sees your anger as you just trying to be strong all while being sad. Whether you are his lover or executioner, he would accept you as you are every time with open arms, receiving hands. Even more readily, now.
Even more time has passed since knowing Sunghoon. Summer has never flown by so fast. The calendar doesn’t exist to you anymore. It’s only the days you see him and the days that you don’t. The season will be wrapping up in the next few weeks, but only for him. He has to return to his regular scheduled routine of pursuing education while you will stay here, on the farm. It’s rare for you to feel this emotion: fear. You are scared of losing him. And the concept is something you do your best to avoid thinking about because it makes your skin itch with anxiety. It crawls over you like something that needs to be cut out.
And then an idea hits you. Something far more deep-seated than everything else you’ve done with Sunghoon that would solidify that this summer is real and yours. Something that will always stay; a reminder that good things are possible despite how the world has made you.
It’s a damn near perfect day. The sun is so bright, and only peers down onto you both through the gaps of the trees. It’s just warm enough. Just quiet enough aside from the sound of Sunghoon’s gentle breathing and natural composition of the nature that surrounds. Rustling of leaves, chirps of birds, and scurrying of whatever life that wishes to not be seen.
You both sit criss cross at the wooden dock by the lake, simply enjoying the scenery and all it has to offer. His large knee is affixed to yours. If this was early June, you would have moved away. But now it’s a week into August and you wouldn’t have it anywhere else. Just like you always imagined, and secretly wanted, the view is nicer with someone else.
He didn’t bother asking why you never brought him here before, or why it is that you chose to now. He’s just happy that you decided to at all.
You slip a hand into your boot and pull out a pocket knife. You flick it open and do a brief inspection of the cleaned blade. The sun glints off the metal as you turn it.
“Sunghoon, do you trust me?”
His eyes flicker from your blank face to the blade. He nods slowly with a swallow, “of course.” There’s a subtle apprehension to him. You hand him the small blade and leave your palm facing up, open to him.
“Cut a diagonal line down my hand,” you point and draw a line down the middle of your palm.
“Huh, seriously?” he takes the blade confused and concerned with what you’re asking of him. “Why? I can’t hurt you.”
“Do it. Don’t think of it as hurting me, but still do it deep enough to leave a scar.”
He struggles to understand the situation, but you’re so serious and clearly waiting for him to do as you asked. He exhales deeply, taking your hand in his while the other holds the knife just above the bared skin. Hesitant and slow, the tip of the knife pressed down into your flesh. You wince a little, which makes him pause. You nod, encouraging him to continue and he does despite hating the act. He slices the palm of your hand open just as you wanted. You hate blood, but it’s not so bad when caused by him.
“Shit, it stings,” you swallow through the pain. The feel of open flesh burning and stinging. “Your turn,” you exhale while taking the knife back with your free, unharmed hand.
“My turn,” he agrees as if all logic has left him and readily displays his palm to you. Deep down, he feels guilty for hurting you, so to make it even he wants to feel the same.
Just as hesitant and careful, you create a matching wound in his hand. A deep enough, bleeding, lesion in his left hand to match your right one. He cringes at the sight and the pain before looking back to your face. Your expression is so soft yet attentive, almost awestruck.
“Even when you hurt me you’re gentle,” he remarks, watching you in amazement with a meek smile.
“I am not gentle. I have sullied you,” you remind him, your eyes attempt to glare but they’re too bright in his.
“In the softest way, why?” His voice is delicate and still like the lake that sits before you. You blink slowly at him because there are no words to be found. He continues, “I never thought of you as a bad person,” he pauses as you drop the red stained knife, unsure if he should continue at first but does regardless. “And, uhm, I’ve thought a lot about this summer. What I've learned from you. Purity is constructive—like something made to bring shame.” You don’t move, watching him. “I don’t have to be clean to be good…and your hands never made me dirty. Because they never were either.”
Like an excavator to your tall, strong built walls Sunghoon has knocked your shield down. The facade of your character is breaking down, crumbling into the broken pieces that made it. A single tear escapes your eye and runs down your cheek. It’s rare for you to cry and you’re disgusted with the reality as to why it’s now that you break. Simply falling apart from kind words.
You try to use everything in you to ignore the heat in your body, to show the anger you think you’re feeling inside. So your eyes remain sharp and strong, boring into his, as they still water. You swallow the dry lump in your throat and without a word, you take his hand into yours to join in a mix of blood.
At first, you had one goal; one similar to murder. The sparkle he had in his eyes, you wanted to eat—to make them empty—and see the world ugly and godless like you. Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, his eyes shone even brighter. You only wanted to take and take of the innocent boy, but in this moment you realize, maybe I just wanted to give him some of me.
You wipe the wet drop away from your face with haste, pretending as if it was never there. Whatever blood oath you’re making with Sunghoon allows you to feel something indescribable. You don’t know if it’s deserved, but you smile anyways. Because the indescribable feeling feels like it’s an unknown, unspoken promise.
He’s seen you smile before with insidious malice, but this time, for the first time, you are really smiling. It’s a raw expression of surfacing emotions, and he returns the emotion like the sun. He thought of you beautiful before but with your brightness finally peering through your clouds, he believes you to be heaven sent. A part of him always wanted to see you cry—usually it was him with tears in his eyes; which is funny, because he wasn’t much of a cryer himself. You just had that way of breaking him down. He knows now he does for you too. And he can tell that you’re probably the type of person who needs to cry the most.
His hand squeezes yours tighter, a grip so loving, as you bind in one. Neither of your eyes or smiles leave each other until the bleeding stops.
A week later, Sunghoon asks you on a date. The summer fair is in town. It’s something like a festival where all the locals from towns around the city come to visit and join in on festivities from carnival games, rides, food, and uncommon entertainments. You think of being mean, denying him the acceptance of the date, but you have always wanted to go. So you said yes without your words: took his scarred hand in yours and nodded.
The evening sky is a watercolor of warm tones as the sun begins to lay down for the night. The bright lights of the fair illuminate the large open field turned carnival. There’s a sea of people here tonight, and although it makes you nervous inside, having Sunghoon by your side makes the ordeal easier to handle.
The line for the ticket booth is lengthy but it passes by. You approach the booth, standing a little behind Sunghoon who takes out his wallet to buy your entrance wristband passes and tickets. You look around at the many people: families, friends, and couples, all immersed in their own experience as the music and sounds blend in the background of conversations.
“Oh wow! You’re really handsome,” the girl at the ticket booth gawks at Sunghoon. She straightens her posture and fixes her hair from her face, “one ticke-?”
Catching this, you step forward and snatch Sunghoon’s wallet from his hands, “he already knows that. Do your job or I’ll feed you to pigs.” You slap the cash amount for what you need down onto the table top with a straight face and mean eyes.
Her eyes go wide and she hushes an apology, quickly giving you both wristbands and tickets for the evening. She even threw in extra tickets as you stared her down.
Sunghoon watches you with a flushed face, even the tips of his ears burn red at your jealous threat. You both walk off into the fair, a sheepish smile on his face as he leads you through the crowd with an arm wrapped around your back and hand to your waist.
“Was that one of your jokes too?” he grins down at you.
“Nope,” you glance at him with a small smile. You weren’t sure what came over you in the moment, but it was something internally deep, and territorial. An innate reaction to someone trying to appeal to something that belongs to you. It felt ugly and you didn’t like it.
The idea that he could possibly be taken from you was a phenomenon you’ve thought of for a while now. Knowing he has an existing life outside you, outside of this summer, that he would return you made you sick. You’re far from perfect, or the right thing for him, and he could find a safer option if he ever pleased. Pushing the thoughts away is harder than you imagine, so you cling to his side even more.
You and Sunghoon use up your spare tickets for carnival games. You toss rings around bottles, shoot water guns into the mouth of a clown frame, and throw darts at balloons. The both of you aren’t very skilled at any of the games, but it's fun enough to enjoy the time without winning a prize to show for it.
Eventually, Sunghoon does find frustration within the ‘rigged’ set up of the games. He even pulls out his wallet for cash when the tickets are gone. You’re surprised at how competitive he is; his determined nature is something that stirs your insides around. You don’t know if you’ve ever smiled so much in your life.
After 3 rounds of throwing a ball to knock over a moving target, he does manage to win. Going 3 for 3 and not missing a single shot. The excitement you feel when he succeeds takes over and you’re proud, doing little jumps in place and clapping your hands together.
“You did it! You won!” you exclaim, hugging onto his side.
He can only smile down at your joyfulness. A fire burns in his heart and he hugs you back, kissing your forehead. “All for you. Which prize do you want?”
“It’s yours, you should pick it,” you blush, elbowing his side with a shy smile while your eyes keep looking up to the stuffed white lamb with a lace ribbon around its neck and a cushion gold bell adoring the throat.
Of course, that’s the prize he ends up choosing. It might not be Saint Michael the stuffed bear, but it’s something far happier, cleaner, and softer.
The stuffed animal never leaves your hold throughout the rest of the evening. It rides the many rides you and Sunghoon do. And sits at the picnic table with you both as you share fair snacks. Popcorn and cotton candy was never so sweet for either of you. Like contentment melting on your tongues.
Cliche as ever, Sunghoon wants to end the night there with a round on the ferris wheel. The line moves quickly and when it’s your turn to step into the carriage, he takes your hand and sits you down the seat next to him.
It moves slowly and rocks back and forth with shaky movements that have you gripping the side handles. With an arm around your shoulder, he holds you close to him. The array of flickering colorful lights and people below you feels almost magical.
Taking your eyes from the heightened difference between you and the ground, you look back to the boy beside you who is already looking at you. The reflection of rainbow luminescence glistens in his eyes. It’s even prettier than the view from the top of the little world you’re in. You give him a shy smile, finding it impossible to look away.
He says your name in a whisper, taking your chin between your fingers. “Thank you for choosing to let me in.”
Confused and wide eyed, you watch him lean into your face. You gasp when his lips meet yours before returning the notion. With eyes closed, you melt into his kiss. It’s sweet as all the things you’ve experienced today because of him.
It’s also as clumsy and messy as a kiss can be for two people who’ve never done so before. However, human nature and desire take over and ease the rest for you both. Lips move over another in a gentle waltz, careful and slow.
And as if the situation couldn’t get anymore cliche, fireworks light up the sky. At first you thought it was just your imagination and all the books you’ve read flooding your consciousness, but the booming sounds and cheers of the crowd are too loud to not be real.
You pull away from him first, and he’s already wearing a shit eating grin so wide that you can’t help but roll your eyes, fighting the urge to smile back at him. Your face burns in both embarrassment and adrenaline from the kiss.
After that, you don’t leave the city like you should. The bus takes you both back downtown but neither you or Sunghoon feel it’s time for goodbye. So, for the first time, he takes you back to his apartment. You’ve never been to anybody else's home before, and it’s nerve wracking to say the least. The complex is large and somewhat modern, housing many of the second and third year private college students.
When you step inside, it’s quite plain but at least clean. You’re immediately greeted by a boy shorter than Sunghoon. He has a big mouth smile and shining dark eyes. His hair is shaggy but it suits him. He’s practically bouncing on his toes. You shift yourself behind Sunghoon and hold onto his shirt, hiding slightly from the excited puppy-like roommate.
“How did it go? Oh, and nice to finally meet you,” he rambles out quickly, “I’m Jake. The best friend and roommate. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He shoots Sunghoon a wink before grinning back at you. He extends a hand for you to shake but you don’t reach out. Something about his eyes doesn’t sit right with you.
“She’s shy,” Sunghoon laughs a little as he guides you past Jake and towards his room. “It was fun though. I recommend going before it’s gone.”
“Ah, you got yourself a nice little angel, huh?” Jake leans over the kitchen island, watching you both. His smile falters. “I’ll have one of my own some day.” For some reason, you think of him as a secret pervert.
Sunghoon laughs his comment off and tells Jake goodnight before showing you to his room. His room is neat and as simple as a college boy’s room can be. A bed, desk, dresser, closet, and bathroom. One poster of a musician you’ve never listened to and a window with unopened blinds.
You sit yourself at the end of his bed and he sits down next to you. There’s some awkward silence as you look around, unsure of what you’re supposed to do. He feels similarly to your internal dilemma.
“I-I’ve never had-”
“It’s okay,” you cut him off. Of course he’s never had a girl over. And of course you’ve never been over to a boys house.
“Are you tired?” he asks, and you lie by nodding your head. So you both get ready for bed. He gives you a shirt to borrow for bed that change into in his bathroom while he changes into sweats and a t-shirt in his room.
In minutes you’re both laying in his bed under the covers and staring up at his ceiling in the dark room. Not a word is said as you both lay there wide awake and untouching. But you know he’s wanting to by the way his body is shifting and turning, inching closer with every minute movement.
And before you know it, although expected, his body is nestled closely to yours. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into an embrace. For the most part, he usually does keep his space. Knowing how you are when it comes to physical touch that feels too sudden or invading. But with barriers breaking down more over time, he thinks you’re learning to handle the comfort better.
“I thought you were tired?” he mumbles, head on your shoulder. His hands trace up and down your arms that are wrapped around yourself like a guard.
“I lied,” you whisper. Your eyes can’t look at him yet, so they remain aimless to the ceiling. Some moonlight slips through his cracked window blinds, giving you enough view of the spinning ceiling fan.
“I had fun today. Mostly because you did. I like seeing you happy,” he smiles after kissing your shoulder that’s exposed in the neckline of his shirt too big for you. “And… I liked when you kissed me back,” his voice is quiet and shy-like.
“Do you want to do it again?” Your eyes shift to him and you can barely see the warm flush to his cheeks. He’s cute.
Taken aback at first, he just blinks at you with a parted mouth. Then he nods his head slowly, licking over his lips.
You turn over onto your side to face him and his hands don’t leave your waist. Unsure of what to do with your own, you wrap them around his neck. Good thing they sit behind him and it’s dark in the room because it would kill you for him to notice the slight tremor in your fingers.
With a scarily racing heart and stiff, trembling body you surge forward to kiss him. His lips are quick to capture yours. Soft and pillow-like, they mold into yours in waves. What starts off as clumsy and unskilled turns into hunger. Something desperate and needy. His grip feels bruising to your hips but in a nice way. In a way you want it to hurt more.
His nails digging further into your flesh to keep you impossibly close make your lips gasp, or maybe it’s the lack of air, or just both. And instinctively his tongue is licking its way past your lips and into your mouth. He kisses you like he’s starved for it. His wet tongue drags over yours, and your teeth, then as far as it can inside of you. He whimpers, pressing his already hard cock to you as he licks and kisses you open.
Your stomach has never burned this way before, and you feel the hot sensation all over then down to your core that aches like it’s hungry too. You feel disgusted by yourself but can’t fight the hum you make as you devour him right back. You’re getting wetter every second he’s in your mouth.
This time, he pulls away first. Panting for air and staring at you with glazed over dark eyes. He licks over his wet lips again, savoring the taste of you on himself. He bites down onto it and a part of you wishes it was you he sunk his teeth in.
“Can I do what I did last time?” he breathes out, his hips involuntarily jerking up against you at the thought alone.
While trying to act like you’re not catching your breath too, you say quietly, “do whatever you want.”
He kisses you again but with more desperation. You try to do the same but you can feel your heart and your head preparing for battle. The way he’s feeling you up and grinding himself on you is in no way unwanted, and that’s part of the reason you’re struggling to maintain presence.
It’s so much happening so quickly, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t imagine this happening eventually. Sex was inevitable. The way his body yearns to be one with yours makes you feel special almost. He’s already engraved into you but in his mind he has to be inside of you and it hurts so badly how you think the same.
But is the last thing that keeps him pure really yours to take? You’ve stripped so much away from him for all the wrong reasons before and now it feels strange. You are no good and that’s all he is.
The only thing keeping you here, in the moment, is him. His exploratory and gentle yet rough hands, his body grinding into you, his lips that can’t leave yours or your skin for even a second, and the weak wanting sounds that leave them.
“I need more, please. I want- I need to feel good with you. Please,” he’s whining into your ear. Then pressing kisses along your jaw and neck that are all so tender, slow, and deliberate. Large hands caress you like you’re breakable, as if not already just a body of fragmented pieces made whole and called a person.
Your still shaking hand reaches down between your two bodies and slips past his sweats. He had the nerve to go commando and you wish you could tease him, but you can’t. You’re lucky you’re even here right now and breathing his air. Your hand wraps around his aching length and gives him a few tugs to which he’s quick to moan. He kicks off his sweatpants while you bring him closer to you. The plush of your thighs trap him; he whimpers against the soft heat of your flesh.
Your hips grind up into him once, showing him what he should do too. He’s slow to start, rocking himself between your thighs. Slutty and hopeless sounds leave him in a string of his want. His leaking hard cock is so close to your core. Only the thin layer of your underwear keeps him from feeling your clear need for him too.
Wrapped in each other's arms, you bury your head to his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his aching desire rubbing and grinding against you. It makes you shiver in sensitivity and cower further into his neck. You don’t bite down onto your lip, but his neck. There’s a sting to your eyes because you hate it—the wet warmth that pools out of you. Your sin sticks to your underwear and your skin like the red raining life of all the animals you made leave the earth; your haunting subconscious correlates with your growing pleasure.
You know you’re not religious yet every time Sunghoon touches you there’s a divinity to it and it makes your hands want to join in prayer to thank the universe for sending someone like him to you. Because his hands roam your body as if they have in every world; as if there is not one timeline where you have not been made for him. Like you were carved from his rib every time.
Your body smolders in that angry way it always did whenever Sunghoon got too close to you. Whenever his words were too kind, his touch too gentle, or god forbid when he just smiled at you. That fire is just the divine nature of your relationship, lighting up everywhere he touches and leaving flames in the wake. You thought it was your body rejecting his purity, but you were only denying the likeness. He made you feel good. And in the most ironic way possible. You just didn’t think you deserved it.
Yet an anguished moan leaves you, rumbling against his skin as you bite down harder. Regardless of it all, he is yours right now.
The feeling of your sinking teeth in him, the sounds you’re now making, and the damp heat between your legs he can’t stop chasing all makes his head spin. He bites down onto you just the same and it only makes you moan louder.
“Please,” he’s whining again through the bite. His voice a needy tremble while his hips stutter and thrust between your legs that only squeeze tighter together. The way the fat of your legs hug his raging cock through his desperate grinds makes him chase more and more for that feeling he just can’t seem to reach. The crying tip kisses and pushes up then past your leaking folds every time. It drives you both insane.
If your body is the fiery lake of creation's deepest pit, then he is the cleanest ocean of earth’s highest point. If anyone could extinguish you, and possibly make you feel whole, it was Sunghoon.
This is the most horrifying reality you’ve come face to face with. Not just intimacy, but a stronger driving emotion. You have to open yourself, rip open your chest and bare your beating heart in all its naked vulnerability. Let it scream out I like being with you. You have allowed this person into your world that nobody else has dared to step foot in. To see you in such ugly ways yet still extend their arms for you. It’s a terrifying level of closeness that you’ve never once experienced and you don’t know what to do with. You’re beyond perplexed by what he’s done to you, in both terror and awe.
You pull back from Sunghoon and he pauses everything for a moment to look at you, noticing your wet eyes. Before he can ask what’s wrong you reach down and slip off your underwear. You shift your body and maneuver him as best you can until he’s on top of you. Rattled with concealed embarrassment you remove his shirt and toss it somewhere to the floor, and he does the same.
You take a deep breath and reach back down to his cock, lining it up with your pussy. You blink and swallow away all the things trying to stop you from allowing yourself him. Pliant beneath him, you grab his shoulders and pull him down to you for a quick kiss. Foreheads now pressed together with lips ghosting over the others, you tell him, “I hate you.”
Sunghoon only smiles down at you before kissing you once more. With his arms caged around you, he slowly pushes himself forward. The fat tip of his cock fails to go through you, only sliding up and past the wet folds. He whines feeling the warm slick coat the head; his entire body shudders. He nearly cums from that alone.
He looks at you confused, and nod once while trying to shift your hips around for a better angle. It’s not like you to be so quiet during things like this. It only tells him that for once, you’re nervous about new things the way he was.
So he tries again, this time a little rougher. He thrusts his hips forward, the tip pushing past the tight walls but still barely in. You whimper at the intrusion and the feeling of you being stretched open. Your hands squeeze hold onto his biceps for purchase.
The tight sensation of your pussy squeezing his tip feels otherworldly to him. He can’t help but need to sink deeper into you. His cock pushes in further at an agonizing pace until he’s as deep as he can possibly go. His arms shake while he tries to maintain his strength and keep himself from collapsing onto you completely. The wet walls that surround him flutter and try to pull him further inside, making him feel lightheaded. His moans are so needy it’s almost like he’s crying from the feeling.
“Oh, f-fuck!” you whimper. Having Sunghoon completely inside of you feels so full. You’re stuffed with him and it hurts so good. “You gotta move, Hoon. Feels like you’re splitting me open.”
“You're so tight, mm.” His hips stutter from your words alone and he whimpers again. He pulls himself out halfway while your gummy walls kiss around him in an attempt to suck him back to be filled again. He begins to rock himself in and out of you. It’s inexperienced and awkward, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Doing what feels best for him and what seems to be the best for you too.
“I hate you. I fucking hate you,” you whisper harshly, looking up at him with tear filled eyes. It all burns while feeling like heaven. Never have you been so full, held so gently, or seen than this summer. You bite back the breaking moans and whimpers. You claw at his skin. You even begin to cry when your hips can’t stop chasing his thrusts.
“I love you too,” he whispers back. A kiss is pressed to your forehead as his cock pistons you. Sunghoon is smart enough to know you’re a liar. Your mean words that used to hurt him, he now understands. You’re not really a bad person. And you don’t hate him. You were just really damaged and if he’s damned for trying to heal that then he’s fine with that too.
“I mean it,” your body shudders, feeling his tip pound so far and deep in places inside you that you didn’t know reachable. His fat cock drags out and forces through your tight hole, making you cream all over him more and more. The sounds that leave your body, the sounds your bodies are making, it’s so obscene. Fighting off the disgust and focusing on how he makes you feel is war. It’s so hard for you to win.
“No you don’t,” he shifts himself to sit on his knees, taking your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He leans forward and kisses both of your cheeks before fucking himself into you again, only harder and faster than before.
“Ngh,” you moan again through broken sobs, blinking away the tears as you stare up at him. “I’m t-trying to.”
“I know, baby.” he mumbles before capturing your wobbling lips into a searing kiss. “It’s okay, haah, don’t cry. You’re good. You’re so good for me,” he says against your wet lips. You can only sniffle and try to turn your head away from him in your embarrassment. “No, no.” he takes your chin with his thumb and finger, forcing you to look back at him. His thrusts never letting up during his care. “Look at me. You’re so good to me.” He reminds you over and over. “We’re so good together. I’m yours. you’re mine.”
“Say it again,” you sniffle through little sounds of sin. Your hand finds a place on his cheek, and your thumb rubs over his lips that wear a smile.
“You’re so good, good for me. We are so good together. I am yours. And you are mine,” he says softly. His eyes are so filled with love, and if you could see your reflection in his then you would know yours are too. “Say you’re good, baby, it’s okay.”
“I’m good,” you sob through your whimpers, “I’m yours.”
To Sunghoon, the idea of sex was always sacred. Something that’s only done and shared between lovers bound by marriage of the church. But now, he thinks differently. He knows that there is no shame in him loving you now or years later. And he was more than happy to make love to you all night until you believed it too.
Perhaps there was a thing such as divine intervention and if God’s timing was alway right, he knew how to be evil with it too. Because the next day, when Sunghoon takes you home, he’s met with your maker.
Your mother, aware of the frequent trips you’ve been making and how close you’ve grown to the summer farmhand boy, is quick to make a call to your father the night you don’t return home. It wasn’t necessarily because she cared for your well being. You’re more than capable of handling yourself. But it was an excuse to try and get him to come back. Only it doesn’t go how she wanted.
When you see the reverend’s car parked in front of your house, your heart drops. Sunghoon picks up on your tension, He sees how you go blank at the sight and slowly turn back into the empty girl he met months ago. He tries to hold your hand but your fingers can’t move, can’t return the embrace.
When the reverend walks out of the house with his infamous weapon of sacrificial forgiveness, you know what to do. Your body moves on its own, leaving Sunghoon to reach out for you that walks towards the woods. He goes to follow you and the desolate man that stalks behind, but your mother stops him. She’s hysterical as she drags him towards your house saying, “it’s going to be okay.” But she’s crying.
Once out of their sight, the reverend takes you by the hair. He yanks your head around, pulling you towards that cursed tree. He’s uncharacteristically rough and your scalp screams for a release but you don’t show it. You don’t even look at the man. Not even when he’s tossing your body to the ground.
“So you’re whoring around with my employees now, huh? Was ruining this farm not enough for you?” His words mean nothing to you. You dust off the dirt and go to stand again, but he kicks you back down. You tsk under your breath as he speaks again, “I’ve seen all the things you’ve done. Seen you leave my barns with red hands and smile. Cut heads off chickens like an anatomy project. Is he next? That church boy?”
Now you look up to glare at him. Seeing the reverend was aggravating enough, but to say something about Sunghoon was infuriating to you. “I am not a killer. You are! And those animals were already dead.” You spit at his black leather church shoes.
“Oh, you disgusting little devient,” he laughs lowly, untying the rope from the tree. “Your cruelty shouldn’t bring you joy. Sick and twisted, I should’ve dealt with you sooner regardless of what your drunk bitch mother protested. I can save the boy when you’re gone.”
“What?” you shuffle backwards from him, angry and confused as he stalks closer to you until you’re backed against the tree. “All those things I did was because of you. Your righteousness made me rotten!” Your hands shake, gripping at the dirt ground for anything to make the fear stop. You glance up to the empty tree branch then the rope in his hands. Where is the lamb? You think briefly before it hits you. “You’re crazy,” you whisper, “I will not be your martyr… not now what I’m finally-”
“Condemn me to Hell for all I care,” he crouches down in front of you, “This is the last time I’ll be a killer.” He throws the rope to your lap and tells you to tether yourself.
“Why do you hate me?” The words scratch at your throat. When you were younger, you did want the reverend to hate you. It was when he noticed you most, and it’s all you really knew. But now you’re older, and his disdain never made sense.
You can’t bring yourself to move even if you wanted to. Was this His plan? To allow you one good thing in life before ending it? Was ruining Sunghoon your final sin?
The rope shakes with your fingers as you stare down at it. The twine of the rope burns over the palm of your hand where Sunghoon carved his promise. Your throat feels dry, tight and suffocating; choking on everything you’ve ever done. And your eyes still puffy from the night before well with tears all over again.
“I just do,” he thinks of slicing your neck open right there. So fuck tying you down, you were always secretly another lamb anyways. He raises his knife and the metal sits cold under your chin as he lifts your head up to look back at him.
“Okay…” you swallow.
Your eyes squeeze shut and so does your mouth, as you raise your head to the sky with an exposed throat. Why isn’t this easy? Unlike the animals, you do know what’s coming. And it’s scary. Scary not because of death, but because you aren’t ready. You haven’t told Sunghoon goodbye or that you love him back. And the thought of him finding something in this world to hate, is such an ugly feeling to die with.
And then there’s a loud noise. A booming bang, followed by unsteady feet falling back and the ground rumbling with a thud.
You open your eyes and your father is on his back clutching his abdomen. He coughs and gasps before raising his hand. It’s dripping in deep red. And you can’t help but smile with tears in your eyes as you exhale a jagged breath.
You turn your head and Sunghoon stands there with the shotgun in hand, open mouthed and wide eyed.
“Sunghoon!” you scramble to your feet and run over to him, taking the gun from his hands as he’s frozen in shock.
“H-he was going to- he was about to hurt you. I had to-!” he stutters, his eyes already crying and hands shaking, still feeling the weight and recoil of the gun.
“It’s okay,” you coo softly. “Just- go back to the house and I’ll be right there, okay?” You rush out. Still in shock and dazed, he blindly trusts you and does as you say.
When he’s no longer close by, you walk over to the reverend with a blank face. You stare down at him as he tries to crawl away, dirty and bleeding. The smile you make doesn’t reach your eyes.
You point the gun back down at him, and place your foot over the shot wound Sunghoon created. The man gasps and tries to swat at your leg but you only press the gun further into his face, making him surrender.
“Divine intervention, huh? Say it with me now. I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your voice is quiet, calm, and mocking of his tone. With the barrel to his forehead, you watch him writhe in pain and cough up a little blood.
“Go to Hell,” he spits his words like venom.
“If you say it, I’ll let you live. But if you show your face to me or Sunghoon again, I’ll shoot you right between the eyes.” Your foot presses down harder. You can feel that angry little girl inside of you jumping with joy.. Knowing his God demands to be bled for, and making him know the sacrificial suffering, well it feels good to say the least. “Say it. With me. Now.” Each word pronounced with the growing applied pressure to his shot wound. And then he begs for forgiveness. He’s never seen you smile the way you did when he was below you with those words. Empty eyes were never so alive for him either. He cries and chants ‘I know no punishment, only mercy’ over and over. It was like the most beautiful hymn.
There wasn’t much to be said about that day. Sunghoon and you just pretend you shared a nightmare. Neither of you talked about it. It was just another thing that tied you together.
Sitting there in the peak of summer’s heat. A day before Sunghoon returns to college classes. Birds chirp. The leaves of the tall trees thistle in the light breezes that pass by. Sunghoon sits criss crossed and while you have your feet hanging off the edge of the dock, kicking in the water.
“I’m sorry,” you break the silence. Shocked, he looks over to you. He never would have expected you to apologize for anything. “I was selfish when I approached you. I wanted to take all that goodness out of you and keep it for myself. I thought I wanted to hurt you, but after sharing all this time with you, I realized I was wrong. It’s weird to say it out loud,” you laugh small, awkward, “but I really am sorry. I love you more than even I know.” You stare down to your feet in the water that has gone still. A tear falls from your eye, and down to your cheek.
“I know. I love you too,” he wraps an arm around your waist. “But now the same sins bind us.” You hiccup silently and turn to look up at him. “Harvest all of my purity, farmer’s daughter.”
For the first time, you really laugh. It’s bright and loud like the big smile he’s seeing for the first time on his favorite face. It’s morning sunlight that whispers through trees to kiss the forest floor. Birds that sing songs of hope to awake life into a new day. Nostalgic, expansive days of childhood where the concept of time doesn’t exist. To him, you look like the epitome of summer; he doesn’t want this season to end.
You were never the lamb. Or the wolf. Not an animal at all. Nothing like the ones you grew up with. You were just a girl, scared and alone. But not anymore. Because it’s your last day on this farm, and tomorrow is the first with only Sunghoon.
“Your humor is poetry.” you continue to laugh until tears prick your eyes all over again. You love it.
“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.” he looks away shyly, blushing. It only makes your giggle more, but you stop to press a kiss to his cheek. He blushes harder.
“I’ll keep doing it, harvesting all of your purity, for as long as you’re good.” you say with a smile.
“Do you promise? I am always good, especially with you, so it could be a long while.” He bumps your shoulder playfully with a laugh.
You take his scarred hand in yours and you laugh like he did, pure and true, “I do.”
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