Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm āstopā when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living
So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u
#this is unfortunately true#itās not easy to tell yourself Hey Drop It#like youāre your own dog furtively eating pinecones and rocks#but you gotta#sometimes itās a Hey Weāre Not Doing That#you gotta though
You think Soap would force Cypher into sparring with him under the guise of him being noble and teaching their civilian specialist how to defend herself? When in reality it's an excuse to body Cypher around and pin her to the ground to grind against her, nasty man that he is
The insane cackle that came out of mouth when I read this, such good brain worms, deep end brain worms.
18+ mdni / dark and twisty themes / forced orgasm, overstimulation, humiliation, dub con, Ghost is his own warning / soap x cypher masterlist
"Self defense?" You squeak, and he nods, pointing to the mat.
"If ye win, ye get to do whatever ye want with me, for the night." He answers, and your eyes brighten with excitement.
"Like, you could eat me out and wash my hair? And then we could watch a movie?" You bounce on your toes, grinning. Ye're so cute, he muses. So fucking perfect for him.
"Aye. And if I win... I get to do whatever I want with ye." He cautions, and you turn grave, considering with a tilted head.
"Okay." you blurt, too easily, and he almost laughs out loud.
It takes fifteen, twenty minutes to thoroughly wear you down. He glances touches across your tits, your ass, between your legs as the time passes, watching you squirm, watching you struggle with your internal battle, before he finally takes over, pinning you beneath him and making you call out in defeat.
He flips you on your back, settling between your legs, and your hips jerk, clothed cunt rubbing up against his half hard cock, and he jerks back in surprise, thrilled at the mischievous little look on your face. He tests it, grinding against you, pulling a little dazed moan from your lips, and he smiles, glancing at the clock. Almost time. Bold wee sweet, eh? We'll see how bold ye are.
"Should I give ye a reward, Cy? For bein' so bloody good for me?"
"Yes please, please. Sir." you plead, and he pulls at your pants, undressing you with frighteningly efficiency. He tosses your bra, pants and shirt to the side, pulling you upwards, stroking a thumb against the inside of your thigh, and then pressing against your clit, hard. When you moan, confirming his suspicions, his cock grows heavier in his pants, and shifts you so you're between his legs.
"Tell me yer safe word, Cypher." He cradles your face, ensuring he has your focus, and you stare at him with your wide, lovely eyes.
"It's c-code. Sir. Code."
"Good girl." He tucks you into his lap, still working his hand between your legs, stroking gentle and light touch overtop your panties, rubbing up and down the seam of your cunt, muscles and body twitching in his arms. "Think ye can come jus' like this? Just with me touching ye over yer panties?" You grunt out a response, and he taps at your clit, little whines slipping from your lips. "That's it, there ye go. Can ye give me a big one? Want to see ye cum, Cy." He's not giving you enough friction, he knows, and your hips rock, chasing his touch, growing more and more desperate, oblivious to everything else happening in the room.
But Johnny's not. Johnny's watching, see's when Ghost slips inside with a nod. When he picks up a chair on the edge of the room, and quietly sets it up not even three meters from where Johnny has you, in only a thong, on the sparring mat. He's still rubbing your pussy, circling around your clit, and when you shift, you catch sight of the Lieutenant for the first time, and you shriek, going rigid in his arms, legs snapping closed around his hand.
"It's okay, wee sweet." Johnny murmurs. "I've got ye." His fingers don't stop, and you breathe heavily in his arms, trying to crawl inside him, and hide.
"S-sir." you whine, pressing your face into Johnny's neck. He can feel hot how your skin is, how embarrassed you are, and he coos to you, still rubbing over your panties.
"What is it?"
"He... he's watching." You whisper, and he chuckles.
"Ah know, my genius. C'mon, don't ye want to show him how good ye are?" He murmurs, peppering kisses across your cheek, to your nose. You shake your head, but he's much stronger than you, able to turn you between his legs so that you're facing Ghost now, one of Johnny's hands wrenching your thigh wide. "Isn't she a sight, LT?" He nods, big, gloved hand palming the thick bulge in his pants, squeezing his cock, and he snickers. "I dinnae if she's ready for that, hasn't even take me yet, have ye, Cy?" You don't answer, and he waits another second for drifting his touch beneath the hem of your thong, and pinching your clit.
"No sir." You squeak, and he rewards you, circling pulsing slowly, achingly so, enough that your panting increases.
"Let's show him this pretty wee cunt, aye?" You choke on a shocked gasp, and pressed back into him, curve of your ass against the rock hard cock in his pants, and he laughs again, tugging at your underwear until it's down by your knees. Ghost's gaze is hot above the balaclava, watching you, staring at the wet pussy that's revealed, and Johnny tucks your feet on the outside of his boots, essentially pulling you apart like a oyster, exposing your pearl. "Dinnae move your legs." He whispers, giving you another kiss. "Or I'll let Ghost spank ye. And you won't like how he does it, I promise ye."
"S-Sir... Johnny-" you try to protest, but his fingers slide through your slick curls, and he's so pleased that you're already soaked.
"Do ye need to use the safe word?" He asks, and you pause, holding your breath... before shaking your head no. "Good girl, Cy. Gettin' all wet for me. Showin' Ghost your bonnie pussy." He presses the pad of his finger to your opening, just barely dipping inside, and you moan, head tipping back on his shoulder, eyes clenched shut. "Do ye like it, knowing he's watching?" He asks, pushing into your tight hole even more, and you shiver, trying to tell him no, but unable to get the word out. "I think ye do. I think that's why ye're soaked. Yer body canae lie, can it?"
"No sir." You breathe.
"What do ye think, LT?" He asks, and Ghost nods his approval, staying quiet. His cock is out now, gloved hand working it in long, lavish strokes, thickest thing Johnny's ever seen, and he smirks. "Ah know, it's hard to see her wee clit under all this." His index and middle finger parts your folds, exposing your center, and he watches Ghost's jaw part beneath the fabric. "Cy doesnae know it yet, but she's going to let me take care of everything soon. We're goin' start with shaving this bonnie cunt." He flicks his tongue across your cheek. "Let me show ye how it comes." He rasps, and you shake your head.
"N-no. No, Sir. Johnny, I c-can't-"
"Yes, ye can." Your legs kick, just a little, trying to close, and he grunts, tempted to smack your thigh to still you. This is not punishment, he reminds himself. You're still trying, thighs squeezing against his knees, and Ghost cocks his head, tucking his cock back into his pants, and stepping from the chair to crouch in front of where Johnny has you spread.
"Be still." He grunts, and then his hands replace Johnny's folding over your knees, keeping them pinned to Johnny's legs.
"S-Sir." You stutter, nervous, unsure, and he soothes you, glancing his touch over your lower belly.
"Shhh, ye're alright, Cy. Ye're safe. We're jus' goin' show Ghost here how beautifully ye come."
"Sir I- I can't- not with... not with him. Watching." you whisper, but your body says otherwise, and he can feel how hot your clit is, how desperate you are to orgasm.
"Ah think ye can, wee sweet. Just relax." He glances at Ghost, who's watching intently, one hand still holding your leg wide, although the other one is now staying on it's own. "Can ye see, LT?"
"Not really. Too much hair." He comments, like it's nonchalant, forcing Johnny to swallow a small laugh, nodding down to where his fingers work.
You gasp when Ghost's fingers spread your folds, parting them so he can see you better, stretching the hood of your clit upwards to reveal your swollen bud, and you jerk forward to stare at him, before whimpering and slamming your eyes shut again.
"Sir-"
"Ah know, ah know." He murmurs. "Can ye show Ghost how ye come, Cy? Can we show him how pretty ye are, when ye have an orgasm?" You shake your head with more denial, but your hips jerk as he works you, swirling around and around your clit, fingers soaked with slick.
"She's clenching 'round nothing." Ghost observes, and he nods.
"She does that. Really needs a fat cock for that hole, but we're not there yet, are we bonnie?" You suck in a sharp breath, and then pant out some nonsense, stretching against him. You're still flexing your hips with his touch, and he can feel how your muscles are tightening, tensing beneath him. "I think, she's almost... aye, there ye go. Are ye gonna come for my Lieutenant, Cypher?" He coos, knowing that you're on the brink, even though you're fighting it, trying desperately not to come, and Ghost chuckles, smug as hell. He increases his pace, feeling it all, your breath, your muscles, the stuttering of your hips, and he knows, he knows you're about to dive off the edge, whether you want it or not. "That's it, deep breath. Here it comes. Here ye go, wee sweet, come on-" Your fingers dig into his pants, wail cresting from your lips, and swoops his mouth over yours, swiping his tongue against yours, lapping up the sound and taste of your shrieks.
"Oh good, good girl." Ghost sings, but not to you, to your pussy, his thumb releasing it's hold and stroking over your too sensitive clit, rubbing you through the aftershocks while you bleat out a plea for him to stop. "What a sweet little pussy you have for my Sergeant, Cypher." He looks ridiculously pleased as he pulls away, tugging up the bottom of his balaclava to stick his finger in his mouth to taste you, and rolling up onto his feet. He squeezes his cock one last time, and then gives Johnny a nod.
"Alright, wee sweet. Ready to go? Let's get ye back to yer room, and we can watch that movie, aye?" Johnny hums into your hair, and nod, a little limp, but sated. Good girl.
i keep thinking about campal and how i most want to write them and how i think sex works/fits into their relationship and i keep going back and forth between āof course they suffer in pining silence which cannot be broken for the sake of loving dutyā and āof course they go at it like wild animals mutually trying to devour each otherā but i finally fucking figured it out, which is that one of those is the shape of them before canaan house and the other is the shape of them after.
losing each other ā especially the ability to touch one another, that deepest, most easy-to-deny need ā reveals the insanity of their self-denial. and what pours forth is a lifetimes worth of unvoiced affection and want. they never talked so much before sharing a body. they didnāt need to, they knew each other so well. but having to say it in a letter instead of a look makes it real in a new way, in plain language, like dousing a candle in gasoline. (pal breaks first, he breaks almost instantly, after an eternity in the river he has the clarity, has the words all lined up in a letter so long it would take the length of their lives to read it out to her. so he sits down as the timer ticks and just starts it as best as he can.)
and all of this want, so easily suppressed when it could be indulged at any time, explodes when exposed to a vacuum.
hey sorry your girlfriend erased you from her brain. yeah she didnāt want to absorb your soul so now she doesnāt remember you at all. however her mouth does still remember how to say your name even though she has no idea you exist. yeah she called for you when she was dying but on a conscious level she doesnāt know about that. sorry
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