100 Words

An open diary of my life in weekly instalments by Henry Egar

[henryegar]

Dogs on the Tube

The behaviour code on London public transport is strict: don’t smile, avoid eye contact and keep to yourself. Be a stoic statue.

But there is one situation where these rules don’t apply, where people go wild and EXPRESS EMOTION. Whenever I bring my dog on the tube, strangers smile, hold eye contact and, god forbid, talk to me. A frenzy of friendliness.

Maybe because it’s proof that I am a fellow human being (serial killers couldn’t possibly own dogs, could they?) or simply because they have one themselves. Whatever it is, dogs allow people to be human for a moment.

[henryegar]

Topman, Oxford Circus

I am looking for the favourite black T-shirt I lost but it turns out there are at least ten different black T-shirts for sale.

While a shop assistant goes to the stock room to search for my particular model, Chakha Khan’s song Like Sugar is playing and I go to the dance floor in my mind, feeling my best Friday night self (it’s Wednesday afternoon).

I realise I am actually dancing when I slut drop and turn to face the shop assistant holding my favourite black t-shirt. I thank her and head to the check out. I have a problem.

[henryegar]

Three Kinds of Looks

When my boyfriend and I walk down the street holding hands, there are three kinds of look that people give us.

The first, a stare of shocked curiosity as their eyes say “That isn’t normal...”.

Secondly, those who deliberately look away, pretending it’s no big deal. For some it genuinely isn’t.

And finally, those who look and smile. Surprised and supportive or hopeful. I still do this whenever I see another gay couple holding hands in public.

I don’t mind this last look so much because it’s how I felt when I met the guy I could hold hands with.

[henryegar]

Cycling along the River Thames up to the Trout Inn over rough tufts of grass, with Port Meadow spreading out in all its luscious green on the other side, with the water glittering in the sunlight as little lapping ripples crest in tiny waves that reflect the sky with shining faces, with the fairytale towers of Oxford poking above the treetops in the distance, I remember doing this six years ago with my friend Hannah, and I relive the memory. Coming back here, it feels like I never left, or that a part of me will always be here. Ahh!

100 Words of Delight, Henry Egar

[henryegar]

Cycling in Tuscany 🚴🏼‍♂️

I reach the top of the hill with tired legs and sweat beneath my fringe. I stop peddling and enjoy the view: a verdant green land rolls out into eternity. All of yesterday’s anxiety is subdued, and I have a good feeling about the future. Allegrezza!

After a breath of satisfaction, I’m cycling back downhill, getting faster and faster as the road curves and turns, dividing fields and clusters of trees on either side. The sun flutters on my skin and the wind blusters on my brow. Life is an open road that will carry me home, and I’m free.

[henryegar]

Hamilton!!! 🖊 🎼 🕺🏾

Just saw Hamilton in London with family - it was toe-tapping, heart-tugging, soul-smiling musical catchiness from start to finish; every song is a hit. I loved the lyrics “Love doesn’t disciminate between the saints and the sinners. It takes and it takes and it takes”. Writer Lin-Manuel Miranda is a total GENIUS! He describes the show as “the story of America then told by America now”, and it is so cool to see dusty history given fresh life in the fierce rhymes and beats of hip-hop, with a mostly black cast. Miranda’s writing is inspiring me to try out new things...

[henryegar]

The Secret Life of City Mice 🐭

Along the back edge of the platform in many London Underground stations, behind where commuters stand waiting to step onto a tube, there is a thin, dark strip of flooring just in front of the wall. In the early hours of the morning when the platform is deserted, and even sometimes in the day, a little charcoal smudge can be spotted moving along it at high speeds. The smudge is a soot-covered mouse, and this is his secret road. He sprints along it unnoticed, venturing out, scurrying from spot-to-spot, sniffing for tasty scraps, before getting back onto the Mouse Superhighway.

[henryegar]

Coming Home 🏡

I’ve just moved back in with my parents to the house I grew up in; I’m taking a break after renting three different places in London over the last year and getting used to the precarious, chaotic fun of living with strangers-turned-friends in the big city, all at the whim of despotic, incompetent landlords.

Now, for the first time in ages, I feel settled. I’ve realised that I need to be tethered to one place, having a stable base and shelter where I can rest and relax, and a place that I know I can always come back to.

Home.

[henryegar]

Her reclining position, her poise, her almond-shaped eyes, her long face and long nose, her pursed red lips, the curves of her muscles from arm to torso, from breasts to stomach, from abdominals to vagina, from hips to legs, lightening and darkening as her skin colour changes from peach to orange to pink with the rise and fall of light and shade, blending smoothly to create such vivid flesh tones that her cartoon body seems animated, as if she’s alive and about to step out of the frame. I’m staring at Modigliani’s “Reclining Nude on a White Cushion” (1917). Wow.

100 Words of Delight, Henry Egar

[henryegar]

The Sun in Winter 🌬☀️

I’m lying on a bench, closing my eyes and listening to the hubbub of the city, which seems far-off from where I am, along the Regent’s Canal near King’s Cross. Trains shuddering along tracks, drills cracking concrete, the pitter-patter of a sausage dog running fast ahead of its owner, who whizzes by on a bicycle. It’s so peaceful here. On one cheek, I can feel the warm touch of the sun. On the other, the cold brush of the wind. I feel totally present, repairing from the pain of the past and accepting the uncertainty of the future. How delightful.

[henryegar]

Today I caught up with a friend who I haven’t seen in a year. We both lead such busy lives, relentlessly pursuing our dreams and throwing (nearly) all caution to the wind with ambitions of setting up our own companies. It’s funny how you can go so long without seeing a friend, and then as soon as you meet again, it’s just the same as it always was - you get on so well, and it’s effortless. I guess so much can change in your life, but you’re both still the same people beneath it all, enjoying each other’s company.

100 Words of Delight, Henry Egar

[henryegar]

Last night, I ended up in King’s Cross after a day out. I’m trying to walk to places more, and decided to do the 5 mile walk home to Ladbroke Grove along the Regent’s Canal. I don’t know why but I felt like it would be an adventure. Initially I was scared - what was I doing walking alone along the canal at night? But I soon found that I was the only one walking for miles. The darkness was freeing, and for the first time, I discovered a still and silent solitude amidst the movement and noise of London.

100 Words of Delight, Henry Egar

[books-n-quotes]

Time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck, when you don’t go anywhere or do anything or think one new thought. And then you can get hit with a day, or an hour, or a half a second when so much happens it’s almost like you got born all over again into some brand-new person you for damn sure never expected to meet.

E.R. Frank, Life Is Funny (via books-n-quotes)

[henryegar]

"That's so gay" 👬

Today I had a great hour. I gave a workshop to the LGBT+ soc at a London school on how the language of sexuality is often misused. E.g. When people use the phrase, "That's so gay" to mean "That's so bad", they pick up and reinforce the idea that being gay is a negative thing (they may not intend it, but the effect is the same). So we talked about the importance of calling people out when they do this. The onus shouldn't be on us to change this behaviour, but it currently is, so we have to be brave.

[henryegar]

The Great Outdoors 🚗 🦅

It's just us here, sitting in a field with no one else in sight, watching five sparrowhawks circling over The Hambledon Valley, which tumbles down at our feet before swooping up to the horizon.

Gone are the cramped streets, dirty smog and perpetual grey of London. Here the land is wide open, the air is pure, and there is every shade of green, mixed with golden yellow in the fields and brown orange in the trees.

I feel wonderfully free in the sunny calm of the countryside and the comforting company of friends. I forgot that places like this exist.

[soulcraftwisdom-blog]

Does what goes on on the inside show on the outside? Someone has a great fire in their soul and no one ever comes to warm themselves at it, and passers by see nothing but a little smoke at the top of a chimney.“

Vincent Van Gough

[henryegar]

💃🏾 Notting Hill Carnival 🔆

The noise booms in the streets. The dancers absorb the shockwaves, rolling their shoulders and shaking their jelly in the parade of glorious feathers and glitzy jewels: birds of paradise that freshened up at the beauty parlour. Gnawed corn cobs, chewed chicken bones and empty cans of fizzy booze all pile up on the ground. Police are everywhere. 

In the wake of Grenfell fire, the Carnival commemorates the lives that were lost and celebrates the lives that are left. You can feel the ecstatic release of a community for the weekend. A dizzy mix of sensations; a cacophony of colours.