Sibling Secrets II Henry and Nora
It killed Henry to see his little sister like this. Actually, even that was an understatement. There really were no words to describe how the situation affected him. Concern, worry, stress, guilt, were the dominant emotions coursing through him. He still held his sigh even though all he wanted to do was sigh, yell, or throw things. Yet somehow he maintain his composure. Thinking back to her reaction, how she tried to push him away still, how she tried to insist she was okay, and then how the tears had slid down her cheeks and she shook her head as if she were ashamed…it caused him to wince as if he had been violently struck by someone. He couldn’t forgive himself for not noticing it sooner. He of all people knew the signs of eating disorders and they were more than obvious. Hello, taking one look at her and he could see how her clothes drowner her and her eyes were sunken in. Next her hair would thin out and then her teeth and nails would yellow. Henry was reprimanding himself when he noticed she still hadn’t returned. His stomach clenched. He was giving her a chance to come to him on her own terms, along with giving her a chance to have a moment to herself. He was just hoping she wasn’t taking advantage of that and running away from the problem. It wouldn’t help it at all, it wouldn’t make it go away, in fact it’d only make it worse.
Deciding to give her a few moments longer he thought of what he could say to her. That he was disappointed? No. Not that he wasn’t but he knew it wouldn’t help any. That he was sorry? No, that wouldn’t fix anything either. He’d help her? No, he was already doing a shitty job of that. He’d come home more? That’d only anger and guilt her. Questioning her about it would only push her away. Henry was at a loss for what to do. And he was growing more concerned, where was Nora? As if he had summed her by thought, she appeared in the doorway and entered the room. Her eyes were still red and puffy, clearly she had been crying. Her usually small and delicate frame looked even smaller and more fragile. Henry swore if he touched her she’d break like a twig. He didn’t know how she was still functioning. Her eyes sunk in, her clothes barely hung on her, and she looked so worn out like she could keel over at any moment. Henry’s heart ached.
He watched as she made her way to the bed. Even lying on her stomach, spread out, she didn’t take up much space. She was so tiny. He watched as she moved over and immediately knew that was her way of letting him in. Both of Henry’s sisters weren’t ones to vocalize their issues or verbally communicate they were trusting to let someone in, to let them help. Not that it was a problem, they just had their own ways of coping. With a small relieved smile, coming from the fact that she was still acting somewhat like herself, Henry rose from the bean bag chair to sit next to her on the bed. He glanced down at her, her face facing the wall. He scanned his eyes around the room a moment searching for something to say. He had to be strong for her, he’d have to start the conversation. He moved himself on an angle so he could talk with her better, but he still said nothing. Instead he gently began rubbing her back trying to soothe her, he was her big brother after all. “We have to talk about this Nora,” he began slowly and quietly. “It’s hard, I know, and you don’t want to talk about it-don’t want anyone to know…” he trailed off. He wanted to say that he did he could help but had a strong sense that would only set her off. Already understanding that if he said much more she’d feel even worse, he continued rubbing her back. He just wanted to calm her back down as much as he could before diving into it.
Nora hadn’t expected anyone else to find out. Heath was the only one that was supposed to know. She hadn’t even wanted him to find out, but she couldn’t do anything to change that. She hadn’t meant to let this happen. God knows, she hadn’t meant to let anyone find out, least of all her boyfriend and now her brother. Of all the people, why her brother, why one of her family members? Sure Heath finding out had been awful, but this, this was so much worse. Nora did everything she could to make her brother and sister and parents proud, and now she had let them all down, and one of them actually knew it. Henry was one of Nora’s idols and now he saw just how fall she had fallen. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault but her own. She let herself get hurt, she let herself fall, and she didn’t bother to get help when it first started. Nora thought she was in control, only to find out she wasn’t. Only to find out she was spiraling.
Every instinct in Nora told her she should have ran. She should have pretended that he never saw her, that it wasn’t real. Nora should be avoiding him, not going straight to him. What was she thinking? He was going to want to talk, and what would she say? I’m sorry? She didn’t mean it, and it didn’t fix anything. I’m getting better? That’s a lie, they both knew that. I’m getting help? That was true, but it wasn’t the help she needed. I’m okay? That’s biggest line of bull shite she could give. Silently she wondered if she looked like how she felt. Nora wondered what she looked like to everyone else. Did she look empty? Physically she felt empty. Did she looked sullen and scare? Those would be accurate descriptions of her feelings. Was she small and fragile looking? On the inside she definitely was. Nora wondered if she looked dark and chaotic, because her brain certainly looked that way. She was tired, so tired, both mentally and physically, and that’s something you can’t hide. Even now, she was half willing to let him try to help. Half wiling to break down in his arms and cry. Half willing to apologize ten times over and let Henry try to fix this like when they were kids. But then half of her wanted to do it on her own. Half of her wanted to push him out, scream he didn’t understand, yell that he didn’t know what happened and that he’d do the same thing if he was in her position. Half of her wanted to storm off and kick herself for getting caught. She was torn and she was hurting.
Nora felt the bed sink a bit as Henry sat next to her. She wasn’t sure where to even begin. Nora didn’t what to say to make this better, not that words really could make this better. Nora had never been one to ask for help, or to verbally agree to trust someone. As a small child she had made up her own code that her family learned to adapt to. If she was laying down, her being spread out meant don’t come near me, while her moving over or making room meant you can come talk. If she was curled in a ball it meant that she wasn’t in any state to talk, but she would accept comfort. It was more complex than that, but that was the basis of it all. The silences of almost deafening. She didn’t know what to say, and it was clear neither did Henry, and Nora wasn’t sure how to handle that. Henry almost always had something to say, but now he didn’t. Nora jumped initially at Henry rubbing her back, but quickly she relaxed and let herself be comforted. Hearing the dreaded words that she had expected to hear made her feel heavy. Nora groaned. “There isn’t anything to say. You saw what was going on. I’m sick. I’ll be fine eventually,” Nora explained, her voice guarded and monotoned. It wasn’t a lie, she was sick, but at this point she wasn’t sure she’d ever make it to ‘fine’. Of course Nora had meant that she was sick with the flu or something like that, but she knew Henry wasn’t stupid, and that he wouldn’t buy that. He wouldn’t just let it go, and she knew that because she wouldn’t let it go if it was him with the problem.
To say Henry never suspected something was going on would be a lie. Saying he never pondered what it could be would be another one as well as one of the possibilities being an eating disorder. Henry had considered and worried about various things affecting his sisters. He just tried to not dwell on it. Now that he knew though he tried to control his thoughts. Immediately he wondered if there was more going on with her and he tried to assure himself there wasn’t. Granted there probably was but not to the extent he was thinking. Henry tried not to blame himself or his parents. He certainly didn’t blame Nora, how could he? He was her big brother, he was supposed to protect her and look out for her. He wasn’t supposed to let this happen. It didn’t matter that he had been at college, he knew his sisters. When Emi wouldn’t come to the phone he knew something was up and the way Nora talked told him something was up with her as well. What had he done about it though? Nothing. Nothing because he was too busy drinking, partying and potentially ruining his life. Now look at what happened. Though he mostly blamed himself, it was hard for him not to blame their parents, David and JJ. Wasn’t it their job to make sure their kids were okay? Some job they were doing. Guilt flooded through him again, for letting this happen and for blaming his parents. Still, he couldn’t quite shake his anger at them. Particularly his mom. He noticed her own problems with food and eating, she of all people should notice Nora’s problem. Then again, so should he. He didn’t hold Nora responsible at all. He didn’t see her as failing or fallen. He still held her in high respect though he wished she wouldn’t handle it alone.
Henry looked down at his sister, really taking in her appearance. Beyond the small and fragile frame. He recalled her face when he caught her and when she walked in. Besides the emotion it showed he realized something. Her eyes, though they expressed fear and pain if he had really looked into them, if he really thought about it he realized they were empty. His sister, so full of life and perseverance was dwindling. She wasn’t herself, she was a dark, distorted, shell of herself. Her energy levels weren’t what they used to be, something Henry could easily tell in just talking to her. The grace that usually surrounded her was gone and everything seemed forced. Running through memories in his head he noted how tired and warn out and pure exhaustedshe looked. It didn’t matter if she had slept a lot or not, if she was stressed or relaxed, lately her body language indicated she was exhausted. Which of course she was, she was pushing her body to the max with little to no nourishment. Again he wondered how he and their parents had somehow managed to turn a blind eye. Henry was determined to fix this as long as he let her. It was the least he could do, right? Ever since they were kids, Henry always looked out for and fixed everything. A cut on her knee? He’d kiss it, get a bandaid, more than likely something more tomboyish, and put it on her. He always vowed to fix anything that hurt her. She was broken now, he could see it, and he was going to fix it come high or hell water. Even if he had to fight her on it he would make sure he’d help her. If not their parents then he would.
While Henry was thinking all of this, figuring all of this out, he was still remaining silent trying to find the right words to finish what he was saying earlier. It took him minutes to do all of this, but silence in a tension situation always seemed long so those minutes seemed like hours. Thankfully though, she hadn’t changed her body language at all to indicate she was done talking before they had the chance to. He knew he had to say something soon though or else Nora would start freaking out again. It was a rare situation where Henry didn’t have something to say. Even if he said nothing he usually had something in his mind. This time, words escaped him. Nothing seemed good enough and for that he felt awful. All he wanted was to provide his sister comfort and help but at the moment he was failing. He almost stopped rubbing her back when she jumped but when she relaxed he continued, willing his mind to come up with something but then Nora was speaking. Finally. Getting her to speak was good, regardless of how her voice was and regardless if it was words he didn’t want to hear. She was speaking and that was good. “You’re right kiddo, you will be fine eventually,” he said encouragingly. He truly believed she’d be able to get better. He expected relapses but nevertheless truly believed she’d be able to do it. She was a Rossi, and they had the same strong-willed mother. Nora was strong, tough, she could do it. She just needed a little help. Before she could get the help though she’d need to accept the fact that she needed it int he first place. “But we’re not talking about stomach flue sick, Nora. It’s not something you’re going to be over with in a few days,” he spoke firmly letting her know he was in no way buying her flu excuse. “Try as you might, we both know the flu excuse is crap.” He knew the words would be harsh sounding to her but it was the truth and he wanted to get to the heart of the problem. “So are you gonna tell me the truth or not?” He asked continuing to rub her back. He was giving her one last chance to speak the truth they both already knew. He wanted to hear it from her himself and thought it would do a little good for her to finally admit to not only someone else aloud but also herself.
