(this has been sitting in my drafts for a week or two so i might as well post it now. thinking about it again)
again, i am not a psychologist! please note that i am still in the learning process regarding i-split and dissociative disorders, and that i will likely continue to make mistakes.
anyway, it is increasingly apparent to me that using the language of systemhood is inappropriate for me, someone with stpd-based i-split, even if i do so (or try to do so) in good faith. the fact of the matter is that, even if there are some similarities between i-split and dissociative disorders (such as both involving unintegrated parts of the self), the parallels really end there; for instance, the different selves experienced by someone with i-split aren't distinct people/entities in the same way alters are for people with a dissociative disorder. given how key that kind of experience is to people with a dissociative disorder (as far as i am aware), it would be incorrect of me to describe myself having "alters" who "switch", "front", etc. at best, the different parts of someone with i-split are only semi-independent of one another.
and this isn't even a matter of my being pro- or anti-endo! i'm just realizing that system language doesn't really describe my experience at all... i've tried to use this language because of how widespread it is (especially now), and because it at least vaguely says what i want it to say, but i think it's done more harm than good for me. if anything, it's tricked me into thinking i have dissociative disorder symptoms where i really don't.
so what sort of language should i use? well, i've tried to coin new terms for i-split/stpd before, but i was very misguided in doing so, and so they were just system terms with a new coat of paint. ideally there'd have terms that accurately describe the experience of schizo-spec people who experience i-split: i think that would be to everyone's benefit.
i've only done cursory research so far, but here's what i've come up with:
self-collective = the collection of all of one's different selves
self = a version/part of one's psyche whom one identifies as
ego = the self which all other selves are versions of: the main self
identifying/IDing (as a certain self) = associating oneself with and describing oneself as a certain self at any given moment
non-self = a part of one's psyche whom one does not identify as
i'll edit this as i get suggestions to change/fix things! thanks for reading!
