HERE TO SAY FEW THINGS

This is a side blog for me to say stuff

[heretosayfewthings]

Anyone wants an update?

[heretosayfewthings]

Tuesday 24th October I stopped by again But this time I wanted to meet you I texted you but you didn't even receive my text The girls told me that your duty was over I went back to the car and sat there for 10 minutes Hoping while I'm waiting, you will get my text And say let's meet But nothing happened And I got home Two hours later, you didn't receive the text yet I got worried sick My mind started going places You never have your data off Your phone is never out of charge I knew that I had to call you Part of me thought it's a bad idea The other part didn't So I called You were sleeping I felt bad for waking you up But I had to call I was worried And yes I still worry about you

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Before our unexpected meeting My mind was going crazy I had questions I couldn't ask Not because I was scared of your answer I was scared of your response I can't ask you in person And I don't want you to read what I wrote and ignore me Let the silence between us get louder Did we ruin our friendship? Was this a mistake? Can we survive this? Can we be the close friends we used to be again? Questions and questions were running in my head But sitting with you Talking to you Laughing with you All of that made me think Maybe we have a chance Maybe our friendship isn't lost Maybe all we need is time and patience

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Saturday 21st October I came to meet my friend She had a bad day and I bought her doughnuts I was standing there waiting for her You came from behind me Stood there next to me I turned my head to the left a little And you were there I never expected seeing you I wasn't planning on meeting you So I was surprised to see you and happy  We talked and laughed, as if nothing happened Your duty was over so I offered to drop you at your place When we reached, you didn't get out You sat for some time, just like you used to do You told me how your days have been going lately And I thought maybe I shouldn't be upset with what happened Or not take it personally at least You are having a lot on your plate You have your own drama to get through We talked a lot and laughed a lot Seeing you sitting in the passenger seat warmed my heart that night

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Before I started talking to you again  I came to know That you went out with your "best friend" And I swear in that moment I lost it The stuff that was going through my mind And I was trying so hard not to take it personally I was pissed, I was hurt I felt like trash I felt unwanted I felt like a burden

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

The fact that you didn't tell me that you can't make it you didn't tell me to keep it for another day made me wonder if you really wanted to go in the first place But then I talked to you about it  how it hurted me how bad it made me feel You heard what I said And disappeared And that make me wonder what are you trying to do what were you feeling?  Was that a punishment?

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

After what happened I knew you wouldn't be the one talking first I knew that I had to break the ice Maybe it will make you feel like you can still talk to me that I will be here is you want to say something What happened was never my fault Be both know that very well But I felt like I had to do something So days later I commented on a picture you posted And then we started talking again

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Friday 13th October  For the whole week you didn't say anything not a single word Oh, and I wasn't waiting for an apology But at least don't make me wait for you sit for hours waiting for your reply waiting to hear something from you I'm not asking for excuses If you want to tell me your reason, please go on I would be really happy to know But I'm not going to ask you Not because I don't care, trust me I care more than you think. Just don't make me wait or feel ignored That's all I'm asking for ...

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Friday 6th October we were suppose to go out and you said you will confirm with me But I didn't hear from you Not a single word I was waiting And waiting And waiting Maybe I will get a text now Maybe we are going in the afternoon The afternoon came The sun is sitting Still no word Maybe I will get a text now That you couldn't make it because of work And you will tell me to go another day But you didn't say anything No apology  Nothing And I felt like an idiot for waiting for you I never expected that you would let me down like this But you did And it almost killed me.

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 5th October I needed you opinion on the job offer that I got and you told me that you were happy for me I told you that I'm getting my wisdom tooth extracted you were laughing but you didn't really ask how I was doing  On Sunday we were texting some jokes here and there  You saw my snapchat so you knew that my parents are out of town So you offered to be my "security" An old joke we used to have And it felt good to laugh and talk with you I had this crazy idea .. maybe we can go to the movies together? I asked you before if it's ok if I tell you let's go watch a movie you said it will be fine if we go So on Wednesday I texted you Told you to go and watch Kingsman You suggested Friday but you were not sure if you will be off that day or not so you said you will confirm and tell me on Thursday. Thursday came and I didn't hear from you So I texted you 11 pm you said fingers crossed

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 28th September You told me that you went to corniche Weird because you used to hate going there without me But I guess from now on we have to do the things we used to do together on our own Later you texted me to tell me the t-shirt is fine and we kept talking and talking for two and half hours God knows how good it felt

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

When I came there to give you the T-shirt I called you But you didn't pick up I'm not sure if it's because you were busy But here is how I prefer to think about it When we were together You always call me back Because you don't want me to run out of credits So you don't pick my call And call me back in a second.

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 21st September You texted me when you knew that I went to meet my friend in another city It felt good to know that you cared to ask about me Days later we talked about Harvey and Donna And how she kissed him I told you "good for her" What I meant was "Good for her, she wanted to do it and she did it" That week, I saw a T-shirt with Game of Thrones quote on it you came to my mind the second I saw it And when I was talking to my friend about the T-shirt She liked it, so I ordered 3 One for you, one for her and one for me I had to ask my friend for her opinion before doing that I was not sure how you would react to it But I thought I should go for it In the end, it will be a shame to get it without getting one for the first name that came into my mind when I saw it I met you for 2 minutes to give it to you You were busy, you had to go so you said you will text me You told me that the T-shirt is small and I kinda died inside But you said that you will keep it and that you liked it Then you ended the conversation in a very weird way I told myself that that's it .. I have nothing more for you That I'm gonna take a step back and see I'm not sure how it's gonna go I can't trust myself when it comes to you

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 14th September I was still processing What you said the night before you thought that I have a problem facing you and I still can't believe that you thought about it that way I don't know what made you think that Or how could you think that Are you trying to blaming me? We both know that I'm not the one with problem here Because after that day you ghosted me again Until I met you again a week later We talked about stuff We laughed Bad jokes back and forth I loved it It felt good I felt alive again We even texted that night And I keep on asking myslef What are you trying to do exactly?

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 7th September This week was a little weird  We did text, daily We joked around Told me to stay "innocent" Oh and we met I had to meet my friend at work And of course you were there Because you work there I saw you, you were out for fresh air I kept telling myself maybe you didn't see me yet My heart was racing I didn't want it to get awkward  Specially with my friend around I thought you would go inside  But you stayed watching me talking to her while you were talking to other guys and looking at us And then I had to leave But I stopped to talk to you You said one of our inside jokes  God knows I wanted to stay I wanted to chat with you I wanted to spend time with you But I still get nervous around you Specially that you are still confusing me with this on and off ghosting me I left, and when I reached home You texted me thinking that I can't face you Me? Can't face you? Are you sure it's me? That I have a problem facing you? It's a weird question, coming out of someone who ignored the other's texts from the night before Pretended like you didn't notice my text or maybe you were busy replying to others ...   But of course I didn't get the courage to tell you that Instead I assured you that I don't have any problem with texting you hanging out with you or being around you. Do you get what I'm trying to do here?

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 31st August It was a quiet week You sent me something funny And I liked it I’m not sure what you were trying to do All I knew is that I need to meet you I need to tell you I can't let you go I can't let you walk away from our friendship I didn't let you this deep into my life to let you walk away quietly

ME

[heretosayfewthings]

Thursday 24th August It was a week of back and forth We texted We talked We even got to be in the same room We kinda met But I freaked out I’m still embarrassed by what happened But still There was some kind of communication I called it a little improvement But on Thursday I got worried And I texted you  I was suppose to check on you But I fucked things up My wrong choice of words mixed things up And it feels like things got worse again

ME