Is pigs flyin? Is these bitches tryin me? @herfect - Tumblr Blog

honeymoonclub-deactivated202009

View this post on Instagram

my heart

decaflesbian

THE LITTLE ONE CAN BARELY GET OVER THE WAVES

me: im adorable like im literally the cutest person in every room i walk into

me 4 seconds later: behold the trash lord

cuntsciousness

what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.