@heroblooms continued from here.
it is not that he cannot be vulnerable in her presence . were he to lay down his burdens && allow himself a moment of weakness, she would never hold it against him nor mock him . nevertheless, he has grown accustomed to façades, emotions suppressed from a young age for the sake of constantly denying himself for others . little surprise it is that he would therefore silence his troubled thoughts && obscure them from the innocent, young lancer . he is not certain how she would be able to understand or stomach the turbulent relationship between him && his master .
❛ … tired, ❜ is all he says to her, looking over at the expanse of the glowing city below them . ❛ i’m … very tired . ❜
… which is not a total lie . mentally, emotionally, he is indeed exhausted from expending loyalty in vain; from having his honor trampled && disregarded . when he had offered himself for this war for the holy grail, he had pictured it being far more in his favor than what his past misgivings had been . why does it all feel as if absolutely nothing has changed ?
❝ it’s okay to be tired papa. just like it’s okay to be sad. i was
both many times when i was alive. ❞
it was hard to think such innocence could have died just like that so
long ago. she was just a child when it happened, barely even seen
the world.
❝ i was never allowed to play with the other children at the shrine.
i was always training or praying or studying because the high
priests and priestesses told me to. i was always lonely.... ❞
she could remember all the times she wanted to play with the other
children but was always glared at by the elders. she was going to be
the next high priestess.
she had worked hard everyday, training for hours until she could not
stand. her hands would be raw, bruised && bloodied from either her
naginata training or hand-to-hand combat training----or both.
❝ one of the shrine maidens said it was okay to feel sad because
you’re lonely. and she said that it was okay to feel tired and that
it was okay to spend a day to rest. i think you should do that
papa. you should rest. we can go to the park or somewhere! fly
a kite like papa and daughter. or we could spar, if you like? ❞
kianamaiart
gamechangershow
tangentwithtanner
dailybridgerton
