Clary knew this side of him; it was the one that closed up, so tight that it could render your fingers bruised and BLOODIED if you dared try to pry him open. She also knew that unlike anybody else, she could get through to him, he’d relent for her and allow those emotions to be coaxed out. So the avoiding her eyes? The faux playful tone? Old news. It didn’t fool her.
“ Hey, what’s going on? ” Reaching out, she caught his elbow in a gentle attempt to make him stop, to stand still for a second and just STOP running. “ Something’s off with you, I can tell. Was it something I said? ” Trying to think back it had all seemed pretty spirited and of little consequence, but clearly something had happened in the library to lead them here.
Without waiting for invitation she stepped in front of him so that he was forced to look at her, her own eyes tracking over him for any clues in his posture or expression.
He avoided her eyes at first. As she stepped in front of him there was no way of continuing. His eyes rolled annoyed. His arms crossed over his chest as he built his usual wall. He didn’t say anything, not at first at least. Just wanting to remain silent. His mind could work out lies and excuses faster than most. Probably because he could think faster in general, but that was something that he would never have confirmed, since he had done so for so many years that it could be practice.
Jace shook his head, and shrugged, “there’s nothign wrong.” He said finally. Still trying to think about something that would make her free the leash she had on him. As usual, she was the one to get to him in ways that no one else could. Truth be told, Alec seemed to snap a similar reaction if he wanted to, but Alec had learned not to. Clary on the other hand... would never change.
He sighed, frustrated, he hated to love her whenever he was in those moments. He hated to be seen vulnerable. It wasn’t about his masculinity, as maybe some people would tell he was worried about. No. IT was about his pride as a warrior. “We never allowed Max to play music in the library. Hodge never did so I only let him on a low volume and with music I before hand approved. That just brought to my memory,... The last time I told him to get lost. Before Sebastian killed him.” He admitted, “before he almost killed Izzy. And his death, on your eyes. I was just... I miss my little brother. And somewhat, I feel sick for missing Sebastian as well. Or Valentine. So, I wanted to be alone to clear my mind. To stop feeling like a monster for being empathetic with people who’s hurt me so much I’ve almost been completely shattered. PEople who have not only killed me but tried to kill me and those I care about. There. That’s it. Now if you don’t mind, I’d rather be able to cloud my mind again and not have your eyes being a reminder. And no, your eyes are never a problem,” he added, unfolding his arms, moving a hand to her face, “but right now, they’re holding the trigger. So please, don’t be Clary for once and let me .... be old Jace. Not your Jace.” He sighed, waiting for a response. “Plus, I really want you to study. The better you get the better you’ll keep us alive with your best weapon, your knowledge and understanding of others..”
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