it's been 9 years!
and that's crazy! most of my followers' accounts have the "-blog" suffix now and my dash is filled near-exclusively with content from me from around 2015. i have a heavy doubt anyone has looked at these blogs in a long time, but on the off-chance any of my old friends see this:
hello! i am lewis (yes, you can imagine where the name came from). i'm 24 now! i was barely 15 when i first made this blog, and i think that shows when you read more than three posts. i made this account sometime around the 9th of april 2013, on a whim, and i never really expected it to garner any kind of attention from there.
obviously, my place in this community is long-gone now -- i still hold the yogscast in such high regards (they're still ever-so-important to me) but every now and then i reminisce on what happened here in this little corner of somethings and what-have-yous.
the people of TBoTS were very, very wonderful people, and i will forever be grateful to all of the many tremendously talented people who didn't bat an eye when some idiot like me came bumbling into their lives. i've grown a lot, now, in so many positive ways, and even though i still have minor contact with people, part of me still wishes that we were all active someplace together so you could look at the person i've become, with a smile on your face, going, "yeah, i've seen all the changes he's made over time, he's really done his best and i'm proud". not that i was a bad person, mind you, or anything like that. it's just that kind of yearning to be remembered fondly. i've gotten better at roleplaying and character development and worldbuilding and art and this and that and -- well, you know. this blog was kind of a mess, to be honest.
TBoTS was my life in the final years of me being in school. it absolutely fucked with my grades, and there's no doubt about that, but that's whatever. i cared so much about the people around me, and i still do. getting to college the sands shifted, but i still kept this muse. i used him for several more years; a new group, new friends, a new place to call home. and that's all i could have ever really asked for, between TBoTS to the next to now. i've always had a group i could go to at the end of the day to confide in, and it's TBoTS that gave me that chance in the first place.
i am happy. and i've been happy for a very long time. i know who i am. i have a job. i have money. last month was mine and my boyfriend's fourth anniversary, and he's visited me several times. in a couple years i'm planning engagement. i'm surrounded by people who i love who love me. people confide in me and trust me to help them. i love to put my time aside for people who love me because i love them and there's nothing in the world that would stop me from loving them.
i am so, so thankful for the existence of this blog. it's embarrassing, sure, fine, who cares, it's a testament of it's time and it's a special piece of my history. i am thankful to the people who have come and gone. kieran - spy - who i still have contact with and talk to every other week, after these 9 years. holly, em, raven, though i'm missing a few - we don't talk, but i appreciate the warmth i felt when we managed to reconnect a few years ago (i'm sorry i've gone MIA; you guys grew so close over the years, our interests have shifted and i'm very out-of-place). arrows - lom - we don't talk anymore but i still follow you, and i see the work you're doing, and the people who love you, and it makes me so happy to see where your career has gone. madi - lalna - i read your tweets, every day, i share your photos of your cat, hamilton, to my friends every time i see him and they love him -- i love seeing where you are now. i don't know where everyone went, but that's okay.
being here shaped my future & it's a future i never thought i would see. i hope the rest of you guys are loving life. i will always, always be here, if i'm ever needed. i'm good at advice, now, i promise!
lewis ✩
