Vent Blog @hesitationamalgamate - Tumblr Blog

Pinning this post: Do not interact with this blog in any way shape or form. Thank you.

It’s because you don’t fucking know what you want anyone to do but you also don’t want anyone to do anything without your exact instructions and like straight up I am tired of dealing with you

Iegitimately the most frustrating person I’ve ever met or had to deal with in my entire life tbqfh

tbh. if i met some random guy and he asked me to marry him right now i probably would.

#need to make horrible decisions to offset how horrible i feel rn

I need to get the fuck out of here for real as soon as possible

#I am a target for the stress and bullshit tendered to me by other people and I need it to stop #I am literally not doing anything. I need people to leave me alone.

genuinely whatever is wrong with me is not salvagable and i'm tired of being alive to have to deal with it. i can't stand this.

#i just wish for once someone would have my side on anything. just once. one time.#this is not even something that should have a side.#i am so tired of this. i need to go home. but i don't have a home to GO HOME TO.

Why do I even open my mouth when it just makes everyone upset

#I think people would like me more if I was empty headed and stupid and just a pair of hands to do work #I really feel like no one knows me.

Like how am I even supposed to sleep like this.

Shout out to being cut out of my friend group for an indeterminate amount of time for shit that isnt even my fault fake ass BITCHES I fucking hate you all. You don’t deserve any ounce of me. Any iota of me or my time effort energy of love. You’re not even worth the trauma I could give you by killing my self in front of you.

hesitationamalgamate

I need someone to take a really big rock and smash me repeatedly in the head with it until I stop moving

talking to you is talking like fucking. like my head is in a glass case. and you are not even trying to read my fucking lips.

Man maybe he was right and people really Do need to stop babying you I swear to fucking god.

Augh it hurts

#I wish you were okay with long distance… I thought my feelings went away but I don’t think they did

I need new friends for real I’m so tired of this

#fucking.#every damn holiday it starts with one issue and then spirals because no one can control themselves

I’m excited for the possibility that I might be able to like get into a relationship soon because I Want one… but I know I have a lot of work to do first which makes things complicated… I know if I jump the gun and try to hook up with someone right now it probably won’t work out well for me but… I kind of want to anyway lol

#once I have the birth control implant thingy I think it’ll help me feel safer too #I am looking for other gay men primarily so… anything helps with that anxiety

How to stop thinking about a person

#like the weird thing that’s making me feel gross about myself here is that I still want to fuck him.#like. I knooooow when I talked to him about stuff a few days ago that I didn’t come out and say that #but like. maybe he could tell? and he was being so nice to me about everything but I’m just like #conceptually you could be in to me if we lived in the same place and I could be into you. perhaps. but #like you’re not… disgusted by the concept???#how am I supposed to stop thinking about you when you’re not disgusted by me?#that’s a fucked up tag. oops #it’s just like damn I want you. so bad. but I don’t know if it’s just because I know it won’t happen #it’s safe if it can’t ever happen…#but like it sucks when it stops being fun to think about because I think it’s safe. I want to actually be an adult and have relationships #and have sex with people and I’m tired of being afraid #I’m still aromantic- I don’t think that will change unless I get a lot of therapy to unpack the attempts my brain makes of romance #and even so I’ve never been extremely interested in people or heteronormative romance either #but. god. it’s like I’ve seen through so golden universe reflection of what I could have with my life and now I’m unsatisfied #but I’m such a mess right now I don’t think it’s a good time for me to want stuff like this #and like the Other issue is that he told me I should find someone to fulfill a dominant role because it might make me happier #where the Fuck am I going to find one of those that isn’t him first of all and second of all I want that but NOW #I’m wondering if I only want that because I was told to do so by someone I want to fuck #blah #hate it here

Genuinely sad about being let down so kindly because it feels like this might have been my only shot at a normal relationship with someone. Which is insane to me. Because I knooooooow it’s not but like I genuinely think we could be so compatible in a lot of different ways and I’m sad that it’s not meant to be

#I don’t want to do long distance stuff either because it is So hard but he’s genuinely so nice #and like. blah #the potential was nice too #speedrunning emotions about people and relationships that never took off #it’s hard to picture myself trying dating apps when I know how badly I treat people lol

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Vent Blog