Miss Hester Leggatt

One of my colleagues told me that I should create something called a 'blog' so that I could 'share my opinions with the world' and 'post memes' (whatever a 'meme' is), so I suppose this is my way of humouring her.

[hester-leggatt]

Introductory Post

Apparently, such a post is standard on 'blogs' like these, so I'll get right to the main points about myself, organised as follows.

- - -

Place of Employment: British Military Intelligence, Section 5. (Any more information than that is highly confidential. Please do not attempt to ask or bribe for further information; you will be met with a dead end.)

Favourite Pastimes: Gardening; bridge; ornithology; cataloguing of all sorts.

Colleagues and Friends: Most are lovely people, and a few of them can also be found on this Web site, though I have yet to find some of them, as it is apparently uncommon for people to use their real names here. I will be referring to them by surname, and only if necessary.

History: I don't see why I should share that with strangers on the Internet any more than I should share MI5's classified information.

Favourite Bird: Eurasian magpie (Pica pica).

Favourite Flower: English garden rose (varying hybrids).

Favourite Organisation System: Alphanumeric.

[hester-leggatt]

let jean say fuck :(

She can curse on her own time, just not in the office.

[bellatypequeen]

… can I curse in the office?

[hester-leggatt]

No.

[hester-leggatt]

ma'am what is your opinion on the laughing-crying emoji? (😂)

Miss Leslie has been attempting to teach me to use emojis properly, which resulted in this rather unfortunate exchange in the typing pool group-chat last night:

I obviously corrected my mistake immediately. Still. Who designed these tiny pictures to look so similar?

[hester-leggatt]

🫁🫁🫁🫁

Oh dear Lord, not one of these again. And not even a proper food this time...

[hester-leggatt]

let jean say fuck :(

She can curse on her own time, just not in the office.

[hester-leggatt]

My nemesis has apparently followed me here, and I am quite put out.

[cockney-in-a-hat]

O I

If you're shouting at me for doing something, it definetly wasn't me!! (It was probably that phony Bernard Spilsbury)

And if you saw me break the handle of that mug with the scientist lad's face on it... no you didn't

[jean-is-2bright4tea]

@charles-cholmondeley-official HOLY FUCK THIS IS WHO BROKE YOUR MUG

[cockney-in-a-hat]

You can't prove anything! And watch your language missus, or I'll tell that supervisor lady of yours about your potty mouth!

[jean-is-2bright4tea]

you don’t hold any power over me! you’re like 8!

[cockney-in-a-hat]

8? 8?? How very insulting, lady. But now you have given me no choice...

@hester-leggatt Have you seen the terrible language she's using?

[hester-leggatt]

Three relevant statements:

1) Child, I've never seen you before in my life. Where on Earth are your legal guardians?

2) I have seen the sort of language Miss Leslie likes to use outside of work, and while I disapprove, my only real stipulation is that she refrain from cursing in the workplace. I will not stand for unprofessionalism. If for whatever reason she'd like to use foul language on her personal Web page, she can be my guest.

3) Be that as it may, Miss Leslie, may I very strongly suggest that you avoid cursing in front of a child?

[hester-leggatt]

your tumblr presence has convinced me to lock in on the stuff i gotta do

thank you for hestering in such a hesterly manner 🫡

Remember, I'm always watching!

(I jest, of course. I'm not omnipresent, much as I wish I were some days. But I'm proud to be such a motivator to you, if indirectly. Do your work.)

[ribbitingconversation]

Lowkey I am not Hester Leggatt nor do I run the Hester Leggatt account but like. People vibed with the Hester Sends Trans Ally Letters headcanon so if I was to imagine what that would look like… (We’re using [name] here instead of Y/N for reasons. Okay.)

Dear [name],

Today is International Non-Binary People's Day. This holiday is important for your community, presumably like Christmas can be to me.

I find it very impressive how--not unlike a game of Bridge--you have played an excellent game with a less than ideal hand. You have made a space for yourself in a suffocating world and it strengthens you the way lifting weights might strengthen one's arms.

Unlike a proper holiday, it seems the world hands you more cruelty--on top of cruelty, I'm afraid--instead of the celebration you deserve. It takes a special kind of bravery to withstand this.

There was this poem, from the time that this letter is relevant about a rose growing from concrete. As firmly as I believe in proper water, soil, and sun, the arbitrariness of our reality allows for beautiful things to happen just because, and I would say that you are evidence.

As previously stated, you are impressive, strong, brave, and beautiful. These traits will stay with you if you let them. Please do and make this world a better place.

Best wishes, Hester

[hester-leggatt]

There's nothing more I can say here that hasn't already been said beautifully. I wish every nonbinary person a blessed day and a blessed life.

[hester-leggatt]

🍐

This is getting out of hand.

[hester-leggatt]

Speaking of Monty Jr, does Sue Goggins happen to have any precious belongings made of applewood? Hamsters enjoy chewing on them.

I will despise Sue Goggins until the day I die, but I draw the line at property damage. No bridge rivalry needs to go quite that far.

...

Which isn't to say that I don't appreciate the enthusiasm.

[hester-leggatt]

Hester, how are you holding up in this heatwave?

@colonel-johnny-bevan

I think I understand now what Mr Haselden was going on about. Something about the oppressive heat makes one want to do nothing but lie around and sweat bullets—er, sweat profusely. (Apologies for the figurative language.) But I'm doing alright so far, sir.

How are you holding up? You seemed rather unsteady on your feet the other day.

[hester-leggatt]

Soooo I sent secret admirer notes to Jean and then accidentally revealed I was the secret admirer when I got drunk on vodka and now like were in the awkward weird stage of are we dating or not… help

@bellatypequeen

Miss Hodgeson, with all due respect, what on God's green Earth makes you think I know how to navigate a healthy relationship with a colleague?

...

That said, your best bet may be to be as direct as possible with Miss Leslie. You won't ever be able to leave the awkward stage otherwise. But recall that what my girls get up to on their own time is strictly none of my business!

[bellatypequeen]

I know… I just couldn’t really go to anyone else about this. The girls as much as I adore them are no help, and Ian is a man. You were the best shot.

I will try and be more direct, I truly care about her, I just don’t want to mess this up…

[hester-leggatt]

I believe in both of you and in your ability to make this work, as...difficult as romance during a war can be. Forgive me if I came off a bit cold; that was certainly not my intent!

I can assure you that the two of you have been agonising equally over what to say to each other, and if the two of you address it directly, I should be very surprised if things go awry. You're enamoured with each other. Admit it. (Though perhaps not to the entire office.)

[hester-leggatt]

Soooo I sent secret admirer notes to Jean and then accidentally revealed I was the secret admirer when I got drunk on vodka and now like were in the awkward weird stage of are we dating or not… help

@bellatypequeen

Miss Hodgeson, with all due respect, what on God's green Earth makes you think I know how to navigate a healthy relationship with a colleague?

...

That said, your best bet may be to be as direct as possible with Miss Leslie. You won't ever be able to leave the awkward stage otherwise. But recall that what my girls get up to on their own time is strictly none of my business!

[hester-leggatt]

it is my belief that you could do some earth-shatteringly iconic things with this fan so it’s yours now, ma’am

A way to discreetly convey my support for my friends and colleagues while staving off this sweltering heat wave? Absolutely. I'll treasure it.

[hester-leggatt]

Mum i need a hug immediately and a kiss plz

Ah. I'm not always a 'hugs' sort of person, but you seem to need it rather desperately, so very well:

🫂❤️

(Miss Leslie, am I using 'emojis' correctly?)

[hester-leggatt]

I know it’s an odd question,

but,

will you please adopt me???

🥺🥺🥺

I'm not keen on adopting children, but I'm flattered that you'd think of me.

(If you're interested in being part of my team, we're always hiring in the typing pool...and always short-staffed.)