Extremely salty

Reviewing things. Movies, tv shows, kdramas etc. anything that catches my interest.

[hestiacantchill]

Friends in transition

The first time I felt like I was back in 8th grade was when i was 27 years old.

I was in a colleague's house. There were three of us. We played Premam, the Malayalam romantic movie and gushed over Nivin Pauly for the entire running time.

Nivin Pauly is playing one of his most iconic scenes. He has a white dhoti with the black shirt. He's pulling his shirt leaves back, with seething rage and going to absolute town on some stupid college students.

It's midnight and the fangirling has reached its peak. We go through his entire filmography and make detailed plans about how we must absolutely have a life sized cut out of Nivin Pauly when we get our own flat.

Over a plate of good day biscuits, that we dip in cranberry juice, we make a pact to place the cut out in the hall. So we can all admire it equally. It's the type of goofy wish we would have in our teenage years and it makes itself known again, in my colleague's bedroom, where her laptop screen is still frozen on Nivin's smile.

This isn't a Nivin Pauly fan post.

The second time I felt like I was back in 8th grade was when I was 28. I am in a different colleague's house. There are 5 of us and any sort of civilised behaviour will soon be sacrificed at the altar of Uno No Mercy. We're seated on the fluffy mat, in a small circle. The pet shitzu has been taking cuddles from each in turn.

The cards are dealt, the round goes on and a plate of chicken is brought. There's a smug bastard in our midst. When a draw 4 card makes its way on the discard pile, he begins an atrocious sing song of 1,2,3,4 etc as the person takes his punishment. Everyone's nerves have been tampered with and the fuse is about to blow.

Someone just slaps a +10 on the center pile and the next in turn is the smug bastard. All 4 of us are a harmonious chorus, dealing the cards over to the unwilling accepter. 1,2,3,4,5.... He takes the cards, promising retribution. More cards are pulled out. Whole card hands exchanged. More accusations fly out.

We're laughing so hard, there's tears in my eyes and my hands cannot contain the laughter in my stomach. It's an ache of the good kind.

This isn't an Uno Cards advertising post.

This is about people you meet in transition. In movies and tv shows, rom com leading ladies and men have friends they've known their whole life. They don't show the friends you meet for a week, a month, a year and then go in opposite directions, because life rarely puts two people on the same path.

What do you do with these friends in transition? You've known them for months and they know years about you?

You remember them when you see a new Nivin Pauly movie. When you see Uno on the store windows.

You've stopped talking a while back. First it was lets meet once a month, then 6 months and gradually you only text on birthdays. They hold parts of you, even the heavier parts. They know the reason you can't sit alone for lunch. Why you cried when your manager said you did a good job? Why you breathe too quickly and pick at your nail beds.

They know these things like a museum would hold precious objects. No longer in use, but tender and priceless to look at. But only to look at.

Sometimes I wish, I could go back in time and reopen it all again. Just one more time.

[hestiacantchill]

I'm reading Frankenstein. In preparation of watching Del Toro's movie. And it's hilarious how relatable it is. Like victor heard one small slight from his father and decided, I'm going to overthink about it and make that my whole personality.

There are paragraphs about, how nice and loving and kind and gentle and what not his parents are. But none of this is considered when he decides to be like, oh my dad insulted my field of study. I hate him, my life and everything. Bye.

It's like Indian parents telling their children that arts suck and engineering or medicine is the only real career. And then you're like, you know what? I'm going to specifically hate you for saying that for the rest of my life.

It's fun.

[hestiacantchill]

I'm reading Avarana from S.L Bhyrappa. The English translation. Since my kannada is rotting, I thought why not read it in English first and then kannada. Anyway, the point is what the fuck is going on in this book.

It's part flashback, part letters and a part fictional historical novel set in medieval India under Aurangzeb. I find this thing so fucking reductive and generalised.

The arguments of religion are ridiculous, the arguments for the so called "progressive movement" is so vague and also professor sastri is such a typical narcissistic fuckboy. It's just bizzare. What's the point did this guy want to make?

I'm not against books criticising religion. Yes please, we need more of that, but what's really weird, is his arguments make no sense, nor are they coherent. It could be possible because, I don't know much about Islam, what I know is how my friends have been with me and the conversations I've had. Which had more to do with tv shows, kdramas and less to do with religion.

This isn't a novel it's a shitty argument that's been paper wrapped in two characters. Both Razia(Lakshmi) and Amir are dumb.

At one point Amir asks, "if something so basic as food is different, (Razia would have converted from non vegetariansm to vegetarian), then how will our marriage sustain?" (Paraphrased)

Which is..... mind-boggling. Can your tiny mustard pea brain mind not conceive of anything else to do with your wife or have anything else in common or any other basis to live your life with her? Sure, you could make an argument that, Amir and Razia had gone through other shit and this was something that broke the camels back and he's saying it emotionally. But this whole book is structured on the idea that these two people are intellectuals and wanted to advance progressive ideas about religion and religious harmony.

I'm a 150 pages in, and I haven't seen a single intellectual idea or maturity or progressive behaviour. I'm not sure if this is some nuanced ironic portrayal of "intellectuals can be biased and prejudiced too" but it is all over the place if that's what the author intended to do.

I can't even stop reading this book because it's hooked me with its stupidity.

[hestiacantchill]

In between an author and a villain

"We talked about this you infernal woman, I need my hero to be less strong than me. How can he not die at all?"

"You said make a hero, I asked you to fill in the forms properly and you murdered my messenger."

"That was implied. I've stabbed him, ripped his heart out, beheaded him. I’ve even thrown him into a volcano. He’s not a human. That violates our contract, where I specifically asked, he be human.”

“He is a human! You'd know that if you’d read the contract carefully. The issue is the ‘Plot Armor' clause. It’s standard for most heroes.”

“Then figure out a way around it. Now he's stronger and he wants to kill me. If he kills me, you don't get paid."

"Shit."

[silkiemae]

The Book of Azrael by Amber Nicole

The Book of Azrael by Amber Nicole My rating: 1 of 5 stars I’ve done it. I finally finished this book. It only took me like a month and a half but I finally battled my way through and boy do I have a lot to say. Strap in folks. This review will be filled with spoilers. Well, we start strong with the name of one of Amber’s islands being misspelt in the book blurb. It’s Erioa, but in the book, it’s Eoria. So that right there should tell you all you need to know about the overall quality of this book. The editing is like that through all 841 pages. It took me, so long to finish this tome of a novel. I stopped it several times but my compulsion to finish things kept gripping me by the back of the neck and forcing me back. I am always wary when debut authors release an 800-page tome for their first novel. I know this book was traditionally published by Rose and Star but it reads like a first draft. It’s very watt-pad tier writing. It’s marketed like a self-published novel and reads like someone who couldn’t be bothered to take the time to edit or proofread. The first 50% of this book could have been removed, and you probably would not have missed a thing. Every flashback could have been scrapped. The first 15 chapters could’ve been condensed and combined. The whole sleepover saga with Gabby could’ve been cut. Nobody cares about the weird face masks they’re wearing or the sappy romance movies they’re watching. No one CARES. I understand she’s trying to build a relationship with the sister to show us how much she means to Dianna, but she tells us about 85 times in the span of three chapters that she never gets to see Gabby, and this is such a rare occurrence. Like, okay, I GET IT. THANK YOU. Shut up about it, for the love of god. There’s a scene where they go to a nightclub to meet up with Gabby’s current fling, and this is after Dianna has been going on and on about how she never gets to see her sister and she’s so glad to see her and blah blah blah. Some guy comes up to hit on her, and she says, and I quote, “But I was here with Gabby, the sister I rarely got to see.” I swear to god, if you tell me one more time, I’m going to lose it. So she rejects the guy because she never gets to see her sister….and then immediately leaves the bar without her sister?????? WHAT? Honestly, a majority of the book felt like filler material. Nothing actually happened that was important. Dianna and Liam banter a lot, but none of it is relevant. Most of the things we learn are in flashbacks or weird robotic conversations. I didn’t buy their relationship. Everything about it felt juvenile as well as the majority of this book. There is so much telling in this story, and I’m so tired. The writing itself is C-Grade mediocre, but I see the potential. I won’t shit on Amber entirely and say that she can’t write at all because there are some good lines, but unfortunately, all the bad ones overshadow it. Not to mention the editing issues. Some paragraphs repeat within pages of each other, word for word like she just copied and pasted them. An editor is credited, but uh…what work did they even do? Because I can’t find it. All the world-building reads like info dumpage. A review says here that all the world-building is given with ‘no info dumping at all!’ And I’m here to tell you that that’s a lie. Every bit of narration has the POV ranting and raving about their feelings, but they repeat it over and over again to the point where I could not care less. Whenever I think something is well done, it gets overdone. An editor could’ve helped with that if an editor had actually gone over this book. It reads like she was trying to fill space, but you didn’t need to write an 800-page book, Amber. You could’ve told the same story and probably a better story in 400 pages. Let’s talk about the dialogue. Everyone speaks the same, like a robot. Every conversation reads like Siri responding to you. The contractions are super awkwardly placed and never at the right moment. It would make sense for Liam to talk stiffly and for the language to be strange since he’s been living away from humanity for however long and had to learn English when he returned. But literally, EVERYONE talks like this. Here, enjoy these treats I’ve gathered. * - with obvious male interest * - his ablaze blade ( it sounds so stupid, I can’t breathe) * The hair on my legs and vagina had gotten a little out of control. — This should have been 10000% scrapped. What the hell was she thinking? * - satisfaction and male hunger flaring in his eyes * - as the aggressive male power in the room increased * I glanced at him and nearly stumbled, the male beauty of him taking my breath away. * In the logical thinking part of my consciousness, I knew it came from a place of caring, but there was so much he did not know. (AMBER JUST SAY LOGICALLY, WTF??) Amber created her own pantheon and her own world, I guess. I’m not sure what she based her pantheon on, but I can say that Unir is basically Odin. With his prophetic visions and golden spear, aka Gungnir. The whole ending part of the book reminded me of the first Thor movie where Thor goes off and kills off a bunch of frost giants, and his dad and all the gods are furious with him. Well, Liam does the same thing with the Ig’Morutthens, thinking he’s fixing a problem and doing what a king would do, but everyone is mad at him. We’re told they speak these weird old languages, but Liam randomly calls his mother ‘madre’? Ma’am, that is Spanish…you had me believing they were saying these unheard-of languages, but no…it’s Spanish. Most of the gods’ and island names read like keyboard smash to me. Ig’Morruthen, are you joking? What is that? We’re constantly told that the fall of the celestials(or gods, can’t remember for sure) destroyed the fabric of the mortal’s world, right…but we are never actually shown how it was changed. We’re never shown any dystopian world where people live in rags because the celestials destroyed everything. No, we see people going to carnivals and The Modern Grill, watching TV, talking on cellphones, and going to the International Airport. So basically, it’s our world? Nothing is different about it save for the inclusion of these creatures. That’s it. Like a plague happened but we don’t get to see any of those results aside from Dianna and Gabby being monsters or whatever now. So Dianna and her sister died or were dying in a desert at some point, and Kaden showed up to save the day. In return for saving Dianna’s sister, he turned her into an Ig'Morruthen; now, she’s immortal and a super-powered badass. She can wield fireballs, lick people’s blood and see into their memories, change her form into whatever she wants, and have super strength! It seems like Dianna was given all her power but never earned any of it. And by that, I mean her rank at Kaden’s side. Sure, he sends her to complete all these tasks for him, which she does marvelously, but as the reader knows, she was automatically given the second rank right after she was made. As a human, did Dianna ever do anything notable to prove she deserved such a position? Also, we’re told that Dianna (assumes she) cannot die unless her heart is removed and destroyed, and Amber starts the book out, trying to make her seem invulnerable. But there are several instances when she is poisoned and is supposedly close to death, so Liam has to feed her his blood?? She can eat human food to sustain herself but has to eat humans to maintain her powers? How often does she have to eat humans? Will she die if she doesn’t eat humans? Or will she just be powerless? Could she revert to a human without eating people? Why doesn’t she just….stop eating people? So if she stops eating people, she stops regenerating or something? But also, like she rips her own heart out, Liam just…puts it back in her chest. Lmfao. So Dianna just can’t die. I appreciate the apparent inner conflict regarding Dianna and Kaden’s relationship. Like clearly, it’s very toxic. Kaden made Dianna into an Iggy monster(I cannot be bothered to spell that out anymore, sorry) to save her sister’s life, and now she has to, like…bone him or something. I’m not sure if that was part of their deal or if that was like a thing that naturally occurred and was somehow mutual(but it would still be coerced if Dianna felt she needed to do it to keep her sister alive) or if Kaden raped Dianna. It just became a regular thing, or what? But it’s still clear that she has conflicting emotions for him. They’re decently explained so you can empathize with why she continues to humor and sleep with him, etc. But then it gets to a point where it’s overkill (sensing a theme here). It’s unnecessary to tell us what Dianna thinks and feels about every little thing. The creatures of the Otherworld are, for the most part, well done. The dream eaters sound scary as fuck. But please, for the love of god, explain to me how they can speak. Samkiel/Liam’s PTSD is well done, but it becomes overkill. Like I’ve said about a dozen times, this book is too long. We’re told information repeatedly in the same chapter; things are over-explained to the point where it becomes redundant, and it’s all for what? Filler space? You could have created a much better novel if this was 400 pages. Honestly, with the number of things that don’t happen, it would’ve been better as a 300-page book. This book was advertised as two villains who fall in love or something like that; I can’t remember exactly, but I know Dianna was announced as a villain, but she’s not. She’s not a villain. She’s doing ‘evil’ things as a means to an end, and that means is to protect her sister. That doesn’t make her a villain. Drake and Ethan even say that she’s not evil. Amber tricks us into thinking that Dianna stooped to killing one of her only friends on Kaden’s orders; the guy even turns to ash, and Kaden catches it all on camera, yet SOMEHOW this guy didn’t die. It was all a ruse. In some convenient ass magical loophole, Dianna only killed the ‘image’ of Drake. So right there, she just erased the only ‘evil’ thing Dianna has done in this book. Threatening people without meaning the threat isn’t evil either. The romance is so poorly done. The first 400 pages involve Liam and Dianna glaring at each other every single paragraph(literally, the word glare/glared/glaring are mentioned like 72 times.) while talking like robots and Dianna making a joke that’s not funny at all and giggling. It’s so juvenile, especially for these people who are supposed to be hundreds of years old. Then one night, Liam has a nightmare, and Dianna decides to talk to him about it and comfort him, and things flip around immediately after. Suddenly, they’re flirty and have all these intense longings toward one another. And then Drake and Ethan make a gross comment about Liam sleeping with Dianna, and it just goes right back to being awkward and uncomfy. I felt like I was just reading awkward conversations between these two the whole book while having info dumps on every aspect of this world thrown at me. Also, the minute Liam insinuated Dianna was dressed like a slut and magically changed her dress for her made me mad as hell. I HATE when men won’t ‘let’ their girlfriend wear something because he deems it too revealing. First of all, Liam isn’t even her boyfriend. Second, IT’S HER BODY. Third, instead of getting mad that Liam essentially called her a slut, Dianna starts swooning over the special dress he made just for her. Kill me. I’m sick of reading about their annoying af miscommunication bullshit. Dianna is all butthurt because Liam stopped sleeping in her bed. After all, Drake and Ethan( you have no idea how hard it is not to write Drake and Josh) made a lewd joke insinuating they’re boning. Liam apologized a bunch, but Dianna continued to choose to be mad. He explained to her over and over again that she does not repulse him, and he’s mentioned he finds her attractive, yet she keeps whining about how repulsive he finds her. Like, shut up, Dianna. You are so pathetic at this point. This book was advertised as spicy, right? Like, I’m positive it was advertised as spicy and yet I am nearly 600 pages into this book and Liam and Dianna still haven’t boned. All the sex scenes have been in dreams and have been vaguely worded with gross phrases like ‘my cock was buried deep inside her’ because that’s like….the only thing these ‘spicy’ authors can think to say. Liam’s jealousy over Drake is so juvenile, as is Dianna’s jealousy over Camilla. Why shouldn’t she realize Camilla is hitting on Liam to get back at Dianna? The thing that had me ripping my hair out in frustration was that this book is about finding the Book of Azrael(aka, the cat from the Smurfs), right? Nine hundred pages of filler space, all to find a book that Liam continues to insist does not exist. Well, this witch Dianna used to bone claims to have the book; all she wants in exchange is a kiss. This is the laziest way to create tension between Dianna and Liam I have ever read in my life. First, Dianna immediately assumes Camilla meant she wanted Dianna to kiss Liam, which is the most self-centered thing ever. Like why would you just assume that? Nowhere did she say I want you, Dianna, to kiss Liam. It was obvious as hell that the kiss would have to be between Camilla and Liam since it was THEIR DEAL. And then Dianna is all possessive suddenly and like NO, YOU CANNOT KISS HIM. Like…you’ve spent all these months looking for this book, and you know Kaden plans to use it to destroy the world…and a kiss is where you draw the line? Because you’re jealous? What happened to being in an open relationship with Kaden? Wouldn’t she be used to things like that? And then Liam kisses Camilla, and they have a full-on make-out session. Like I’ve said a million times before, I’ll say it again, JUVENILE. In this make-out session, Camilla gives Liam all the answers they need magically somehow, and there’s some betrayal stuff, Dianna gets shot in the head, and then they end up shouting in the forest at each other like a bunch of high schoolers because Dianna was jealous. Then we get cockblocked by some gargoyles, excuse me, Irvikuven. I’m nearly 80% of the way through now, and still, there is no spice—oh, just kidding, right at 80% is where the magic finally happens. And the magic was only some foreplay that reminded me of the scene in ACOMAF when Rhysand and Feyre share a bed, he finger bangs her, and then they go to sleep. If you were reading this book hoping for spice, I’m here to tell you there are two chapters of ‘spice’: some finger banging and a really uncomfy blow job. And that’s it. I was just begging for the book to end at this point. I was entirely unsurprised by every single person betraying Dianna. It became repetitive after the third betrayal, like how shocking, yet another person betrayed them! Wow, I am so surprised! Dianna crying and constantly whining about being a repulsive monster was so exhausting. I was so sick of listening to her and Liam whine over one another and everything else. I wish this book was cut in half, ripped to shreds, and put back together several more times before it was released. Because, as I’ve said before, I see potential in bits and pieces, but it’s just so poorly written that I cannot give it more than one star. There’s an actual part where she says this as a sentence ‘Logan having the same deposition toward him as I.’ First of all, that’s not even a complete sentence. Second of all, DEPOSITION? Do you mean DISPOSITION? There are about a thousand more things I could say at this point, but I’m running out of space, and I want to touch on the plot twist ending that everyone was so surprised by. Please explain to me how. The whole Dianna/Gabby relationship was so heavy-handed. It was so thrown in your face how much Dianna loves her, and honestly, my thought process was, okay, this book has been advertised that Dianna is a villain. Still, she’s not, so I bet Gabby, her only reason for doing all this will get killed, which will be the catalyst for Dianna becoming an actual villain. And lo and behold, I was right! Predictable. Like good god, that was a month and a half of my life I will never get back. View all my reviews

[hestiacantchill]

Im not really sure anymore.

I grew up with fairy tales and romantic shows and the guy always asks the girl out. There's expectations.

If you miss a chance, another one will show up. There will be another meeting, another friend of a friend who knows that person, or you end up in the same company or the same University or anything.

There's always another chance.

I know the real world operates differently and sometimes lost chances are just that. You are not living in a romantic fantasy.

But despite everything you can't help but hope.

Not because he fulfilled any of my unrealistic romantic fantasies, but because he was just some guy. And he managed to be charming just like that.

I've fallen for the tall ones, the funny people, the stoic ones, the absolutely gorgeous people.

But he was just some guy. Nothing breathtakingly special. But he had things that stood out. But also gave me hope that some guy, would also be just so equally charming.

He made dumb jokes, clever jokes, said some slightly cringe things, showed signs of having some cringe taste in cinema, he was thoughtfull, kind in ways that mattered, observant, listened and just so much more.

I've known him for less than 24 hours and it's premature to think so much about things.

Perhaps it's the unchecked teenager in me speaking or the mentally ill part of me.

And realistically, i've had crushes on people longer and more intense and have gotten over them. And i know i will get over this too.

There's a very good chance i may not have left as strong an impression on him, as he has for me. And i might have just been a some girl he saw and would probably think about for an hour after and forget about it.

But sometimes you just can't help but wonder. Whether something meaningful could have been created after the fantasy was cleared up.