The Young Prince

Ryland barks out a laugh. "Ohoooh-- are you only gonna say 'yes' if I give you ice cream every time?"

It'd be doable. Maybe. Ryland would have to buy himself that microscope a month or so later than expected, but he likes having a solid friend to hang out with again. Somehow, after middle school, all his old buddies left him behind, and while he'll never admit it out loud, Valarr's cured a loneliness he never realised he had in him.

"Well, you're a decent subject, that's for sure." He grins, shutting his notebook closed. "All these visible gene anomalies on you! You're like the gift that keeps on giving, Valarr.

"One of these days I gotta have some of your hair. But not now."

Ryland starts packing his things away, shoving his notebook into a bag already filled with books and toys. It makes noises when he hefts it up and over his shoulder, but since the backpack doesn't burst, he doesn't sweat it.

"If I'm gonna have you home by 6," he says faux sternly, "then we better go get those sundaes.

"You okay with taking my bike? Your driver's not gonna hunt me down for taking you again, are they?"

"My hair?" Valarr repeats dumbfoundedly, brow furrowing as he watches Ryland begin to pack. Though, as curious as the sentiment is, it's not the first time this type of thing has happened with them. And the political heir is more than aware that this certainly won't be the last time, either.

So, rather than dwell on it, he chooses to also collect his things.

With a bashful smile, Valarr ducks his head. "No, you won't have any further issues with Lucel. I promise," he offers reassuringly. "And, perhaps since it's Friday, I can ask Uncle Maekar if he minds if I stay out a bit longer."

Valarr pauses, realizing how presumptuous he is to suggest something like that. As far as he knows, Ryland is squeezing him into his schedule.

"I mean, if you'd like to, or are even able to spend some extra time together tonight. If not, I understand. It's a bit of a sudden arrangement, and I know you might be busy with something else later, and..."

He trails off, feeling his cheeks warm up as he rambles a bit.

He doesn't know why, but he always feels nervous around the other boy. Typically, he finds himself at least capable of composure, even around Aerion when he's attempting to piss him off. And yet when he's around Ryland, his heart beats rapidly and he wants nothing more than to just be with him for as long as possible.

So when he finally steels his beating heart, he offers gently, "Just let me know so I can ask him."

#bg1 #bravegene

mcflymemes

PROMPTS FOR TOUCH-STARVED MUSES * adjust as necessary, send 'reverse' for the reversal of action prompts

DIALOGUE PROMPTS

could you... do that again?

please come back.

hold me again.

i need to feel you close.

we could share the same bed.

could we try holding hands?

right there. just like that.

i want to know how it feels.

i like it when you're nearby.

if you could just... stay here for a while.

lean into me. it's okay.

i like your hugs.

i want you here.

please touch me.

your arms feel so safe.

stay close to me.

the bed feels so cold.

come into my arms.

let me hold you.

cling to me.

you can keep doing that.

you don't have to let go.

i feel safe when you're near me.

that feels so good.

that was... really nice.

i like it when you play with my fingers.

could you come a little closer?

you can play with my hair if you want.

you don't have to sit so far away.

would you sleep here with me?

you feel like home to me.

if you keep doing that, i can't promise i'll behave.

can i lay on you?

would you touch me again?

don't let go of me.

stay like this.

don't go.

ACTION PROMPTS

[ reach ] sender hesitantly reaches for receiver's hand, unsure if the action will be reciprocated

[ instinct ] sender takes receiver's hand on instinct in reaction to a startling sight or event, not even realizing they did it

[ cling ] sender wraps both of their arms around one of receiver's arms and clings

[ rest ] sender sits next to receiver and rests their head on receiver's shoulder

[ doze ] sender falls asleep with their head on receiver's shoulder

[ play ] sender clings to receiver's hand and begins absentmindedly playing with their fingers

[ reassure ] sender reassures receiver by rubbing their arm up and down, hoping to ease their stress

[ heart ] sender guides receiver's hand to their heart

[ quiver ] sender and receiver's hands brush with slight contact, causing receiver to shiver on instinct

[ come back ] receiver took their hand away, so sender reaches for it a second time, taking it back and refusing to let go

[ first hug ] sender pulls receiver into their first hug

[ lasting ] sender and receiver's innocent hug lasts a little longer than they both expected

[ trace ] sender lightly traces the shape of sender's face, exploring every part of their complexion with tender fingertips

[ comb ] sender takes their time brushing receiver's hair

[ refuse ] when receiver insists they break their hug, sender refuses and only tightens their grip around them

[ cuddle ] sender moves closer to receiver as they sleep and snuggles down beside them, finding comfort in their presence

[ pull back ] sender pulls receiver back into bed with them

[ nuzzle ] sender nuzzles into receiver's cheek with their nose

[ cheek ] sender caresses receiver's cheek

[ nose ] sender lightly taps the tip of receiver's nose

[ lips ] sender caresses receiver's lips with their fingertip

[ chest ] sender smooths a hand over receiver's chest

[ legs ] sender starts to drag a hand back and forth over receiver's legs

[ inner thigh ] as sender caresses receiver's thigh, they gently slip their hand between receiver's legs

[ distance ] unable to touch or embrace receiver, sender self-soothes by wrapping their arms around themselves

[ pinky ] sender and receiver hold hands by their pinky fingers

[ smooth ] sender takes their time caressing over every part of receiver's body

[ blanket ] sender wraps a blanket around their body and receiver's body, hudding close together

leneemusing

SEND ME A SYMBOL(S) FOR WHAT YOU’RE INTERESTED IN people struggle with plotting so i figured making it into an askbox thing could help!

DYNAMICS: ✭ friends to lovers ★ rivals to lovers ✦ enemies to lovers ♡ found family ♣ rivals ❦ reluctant allies ❖ platonic ☢ slowburn ➤ love at first sight π partners in crime SITUATIONS ☁ one muse saves the other’s life ☼ one muse (or both) is a single parent ❆ our muses get shut in due to a storm ☤ one muse having to patch the other up ❦ put together through a common goal ⎔ one muse asking the other to stay the night ϟ our muses work together ♁ our muses are neighbors ➽ one muse doesn’t have anyone else to turn to SETTINGS ✚ crossover between our fandoms ☽ sender’s verse in receivers fandom ☾ receivers verse in sender’s fandom ☯ alternate universe / separate fandom than both muses are in

ODDLY SPECIFIC ⌲ one muse is supposed to kill/hurt the other but falls for them instead ✖ our muses work together and there’s a lot of tension and maybe we do the only one bed plot idk ＋ reporter/vigilante dynamic ∇ nurse/vigilante dynamic ✿ innocent muse/morally grey dangerous muse ❥ asshole/the one person they’re nice to ♛ bodyguard/person they’re protecting ◐ arranged marriage/match ◎ fake dating ¶ roommate AU ۞ one night stand turns into many and now we’re just kinda not sure what we are ❁ friends with benefits maybe some pining © unrequited love except it isn’t unrequited ✡ unrequited love and it’s actually unrequited ♖ i dated you to get back at someone in my life but i’m developing real feelings oh no ♮one night stand only to later learn we’re gonna be in some sort of setting together (professor/student, co-workers, etc) ✏ we used to date and something didn’t work out but now you’re here and i’m still in love

"I just made you self-conscious about the blinking, huh?"

Ryland's hand slips, delicately curving over the line of Valarr's jaw in comfort.

"Don't worry about it," he says. "I just want you to look at me."

The last thing Ryland does is push his glasses back up his nose. Then, exhaling quietly, he fixes his gaze upon Valarr's, looking away only to scribble into his notebook.

Some rudimentary sketches of the other boy's irises eventually come to life beneath his hand. Ryland reaches out at times, using a delicate touch to turn Valarr's head to the side, or upward, or downward; then he's writing again, taking down notes with a more serious expression than he wears even during class time.

"I like your left eye a lot," is the first thing Ryland says after some extended silence. He uses his eraser to lighten the shading in his sketch of Valarr's hazel eye, smiling to himself.

"That one changes the most-- it's really cool. Even if I'm realising now I probably should've brought some coloured pencils for this.

"You live and you learn, right?"

As Ryland sketches his eyes and jots down various notes, Valarr can't help but wonder how that will help his friend's scientific curiosity. If anything, it seems more like an incredible still life drawing in the works. But he's not going to question it, not just because he doesn't want to come off as rude, but also because of the gentle way Ryland guides his face and touches his chin and jaw.

At the least, he's so panicked about flushing at the near tenderness of the gestures that he's certain he's barely blinked.

The breath he kept holding onto finally leaked from his lips as Ryland spoke, any worry replacing with a warm smile. Even if he still doesn't understand what he's doing, Valarr is glad he could help in any capacity.

"If you'd like, we could do this again when you have your coloured pencils," Valarr offers gently, though after a moment, he realizes just how the suggestion may come off. He offers an awkward smile and adds, "I wouldn't say no to another sundae bribe.

"And besides, if it helps you, I'm happy to do it."

#bravegene #bg1

"Boons for the biz?" Valarr repeats curiously, brow furrowing as he looks at the other. Though, he doesn't dwell on it long at all, especially at the offer of being treated to a sundae.

Perhaps he should know better than to so easily give in to such a blatant bribe, but he already knows he's going to help Ryland out as best he can- even if he doesn't quite understand what he can gather just by staring at his eyes.

And besides, Uncle Maekar rarely gets them ice cream-if only because he's too busy being disappointed in most of Valarr's cousins- much less all of the fun toppings. As much as he understands where is uncle is coming from, it doesn't make it any less boring that he doesn't often get his favorite treat.

So, even if he hadn't been on board already, the closet sweet hound was more than enticed by the offer.

"Can we go to Everyday is Sundae?"

The question is enough of a "yes" that Ryland cheers, claps his hands once, and chirps, "Absolutely!"

His pocket money weeps for him. Ryland decides sacrificing his own sundae to get Valarr any topping he wants is worth the scientific observation then and there.

"All right," he starts, scooching closer with a dull screech of his chair against the floor, "let's get a good look at those eyeballs."

He's flipped the pages of his notebook to display the ones on the very back, where his detailed study notes give way to drawings, and questions, and phrases that make sense to no-one but Ryland himself. Pencil in one hand, the other takes Valarr's chin and turns him so that they're facing each other head-on.

"You gotta not blink for me," Ryland says, "okay, pal?"

"Oh!" Valarr utters softly, surprised by how immediately they were beginning this rather peculiar science experiment.

Though, nothing surprises him more than how easily his companion takes hold of his chin. Valarr's eyes go slightly wide as he stares at Ryland, not because he's offended by any means. Rather, it's because it's rare that someone would lay a hand on him, regardless if the why. As pathetic as it is, he can't so much remember the last time he'd received a hig from a family member, much less a friend holding him in any capacity.

Quick to clear his throat as to not appear too taken aback, Valarr offered a slight nod as he meets Ryland's gaze.

Truthfully, Valarr can't name a time he's noticed anyone look as excited by something as Grace does in that moment, and the political heir finds it oddly endearing.

"If I blink too much, please tell me. I'll do my best not to."

#bg1 #bravegene

"I'm sorry, you want to what?"

The request to look at his eyes for science is a bit baffling. Certainly, Valarr's used to being watched and sought after by random people- be it for clout, to try and get something on his father, their own personal gain, etc.- but not for what the other so eagerly suggests.

He almost wants to decline the request, but there's such a earnest glint in Grace's eyes that he finds the rejection doesn't rise up his throat. Even if he's certain actual textbooks and research on heterochromia would be far more beneficial to the budding scientist, he can't help but utter a soft, "What would it entail?"

Perhaps it's because Grace is the only person genuinely who sees Valarr as nothing more than a classmate- which is a strange yet wonderful phenomenon- but he realizes quickly he wants to make the other boy happy.

@heterochromiadragon, unprompted.

"'Entail'?"

The idea that there might be any other motive to this than to look into Valarr's eyes is... well, funny. Ryland smiles, tapping the butt end of his pencil against his study notes, but ultimately shrugs his shoulders.

"Not much," he says honestly. "I guess the worst part of it might be asking you not to blink so I can get a good look at them."

He's not stupid, of course. He knows that books exist, and that with the advent of Altavista, you could probably find just about anything on the World Wide Web. But why waste time staring at a loading screen when the real deal's in front of him?

"You're the only person I know with eyes like those," he explains. "Part of the scientific method is observing new phenomena with your own eyes. Papers based on firsthand experience are the real boons in the biz, as they say."

(Nobody says that.)

Ryland opts for bribery. "I'll buy you a sundae with as many toppings as you like if you let me?"

#bravegene #bg1 #track #verse: phm

"Boons for the biz?" Valarr repeats curiously, brow furrowing as he looks at the other. Though, he doesn't dwell on it long at all, especially at the offer of being treated to a sundae.

So, even if he hadn't been on board already, the closet sweet hound was more than enticed by the offer.

"Can we go to Everyday is Sundae?"

mcflymemes

"IT WAS MY FAULT" PROMPTS * assorted dialogue for owning up to your mistakes, adjust as necessary

that never should have happened.

i should have listened to you from the start.

this is all my fault.

you can blame me for that.

i was completely out of line.

i screwed up.

i owe you a sincere apology.

that wasn't what i thought would happen.

now you're hurt, and it's all my fault.

will you ever forgive me?

it was an honest mistake.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

that was wrong of me, and i know it.

if only i'd been more careful.

next time, i'll be better.

please forgive me.

how can i make it up to you?

i wish i hadn't done that.

i accept responsibility.

i can't live with myself.

are you going to hold this over my head forever?

i said i was sorry.

i made the mistake of not listening to you.

please don't blame me for everything.

how many times do i have to tell you i'm sorry?

i crossed a line.

not sure what i was thinking.

the words came out wrong.

you deserve better than that.

there were plenty of other options, and i didn't listen.

i wasn't listening!

that's my fault!

i'm the one who got us into this mess.

if it weren't for me, we'd be out of here by now.

this will never happen again.

oh, i learned my lesson.

i'm forever haunted by my mistakes.

will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?

i'll say i'm sorry until i'm blue in the face.

this wasn't part of the deal.

i never should have listened to them.

i thought i was doing the right thing.

they didn't do anything wrong. i did.

i'm the one you should blame.

i feel so wrong about this.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

be mad at me, not them.

if you want to yell and scream at me, go ahead.

it was an accident.

i don't deserve forgiveness.

if there's anything i can do to fix this, please tell me.

what can i say to make it better?

can you please take me back?

they promised me they wouldn't hurt you.

roleplaymemeworld

𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘

A meme surrounding family planning, pregnancy & childbirth best suited for medieval & fantasy setting. Feel free to change whatever you need to make the prompts suitable for you!

“Our marriage has not been consummated yet. How am I supposed to produce an heir?!” “The midwife advised me to sleep with you on a full moon for fertility.” “We have tried to conceive a babe for many years, but the Gods have not blessed us with one yet.” “You are still young. This loss only means we will try again.” “I hope this time we will be blessed with a child that lives.” “Will you be disappointed if it is not a son?” “This is not their first child and they have failed to produce and heir so far.” “She is with child, but remains unmarried. A scandal!” “Rumor has it that she is not pregnant by her husband, but her lover.” “We need to have an heir. I know you do not wish to share the bed with me, but we must try for the sake of our families. It is our duty.” “It is a woman’s duty to give her husband children. You are not excluded from that.” “She only had a babe a year ago and is pregnant again. If they continue like that, the poor girl will be spent by 25.” “I think I might be with child.” “I think you might be with child.” “How does one know when a child has taken root in the womb?” “You have been sick a lot recently. Might you be with child?” “We have prayed for this babe for years and the Gods have finally answered us.” “You look more beautiful with each day you carry my child.” “She has been positively glowing for someone so close to childbirth.” “You should rest, my dear. Let me help you sit somewhere.” “Do not over exert yourself. It is bad for the babe.” “The babe will be the best King/Queen our kingdom has ever seen, I have no doubt.” “I never wished to father children, but now that I look at the swell of your stomach each day, I cannot wait to be a parent.” “Confinement has been one of the more dull experiences of my life.” “Are you well? You look pale. Is it time?” “Since when have you been in pain? I think we ought to call for the midwife.” “Has no one told you how labor starts, child? Your babe is coming.” “Hold my hand and breathe. You are doing very well. It will be over soon.” “Get the birthing chair. The babe is stuck and we need gravity’s help.” “I do not want strangers in the room. Please dismiss everyone, but the midwife.” “Is this amount of blood normal?” “Would you like to take a hot bath to ease the pain?” “I do not expect you to stay in the birthing chamber with me. I know it is no place for a husband.” “The Queen is in labour. Let us hope the child will live this time.” “They say the babe is not coming and we might lose them both.” “You have to be strong now, or you might lose the babe.” “There is too much blood. Something is not right.” “It is just a bit of childbed fever. She will recover.” “The babe is small and weak. You should not get your hopes up.” “What a wonderful blessing, it is a son!” “They say an heir is what a man desires, but a daughter was what I truly needed.” “I’m afraid it is not over yet. There seems to be another babe on the way.”

#crownburdened #cb1 #track

@crownburdened asked:

Baelor shouldn't have been surprised to find his son sitting out like this. If not for the guards required to be near, no one would have seen the young prince sat on the stone bench. Baelor, too, found the gardens relaxing ; he could hardly blame Valarr. With a hum of consideration, Baelor moved along the path toward his son. He left his considerable entourage behind, perhaps pleased himself to be free for just a moment. ❝Valarr ...❞ Baelor greeted. His fingers laced together and settled in his lap. The crown prince did not ask for permission to join the youth. There was no place in this grand fortress, save for his own father's rooms, that he could be denied entry, and it was obvious that he was used to that privilege. ❝Is there something troubling you ?❞

Valarr had straightened upwards as he noticed his father approaching, knowing that slouching wasn't the way a prince should carry himself. Though, it was clear by his words that'd he'd already noticed his demeanor. Perhaps having been so easily found out drained the effort of putting the façade of the perfect prince from him as his shoulders drop once more.

Tentatively, he gazed upon his father before looking back at his lap in shame.

"It seems as though no matter how hard I train, I'll never be a good fighter. I can ride a horse well and defend myself with a shield easily, but when it comes to sword and lance, I'm rather horrid. What kind of king will I be if I cannot so much as fight or even hold my own in a tourney?"

sunsetelm

❝ the world is so big. why do i never feel like i fit into it? ❞

@heterochromiadragon, it's all about the yearning.

Dunk's answer is swift, almost casual-- "Must you?"

He catches himself after he's said it, though, and has enough awareness to look apologetic for it. He can't pretend to know the duties of princehood-- Egg doesn't like talking about it, after all-- and recognises he might have spoken out of turn.

"I... beggin' your pardons, m'lord, but might be that the top of Aegon's Hill isn't where you're meant to be. As with Egg and Summerhall."

He looks over his shoulder to where the boy sleeps, curled up on the featherbed and drooling out the mouth. Dunk had opted to sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed instead of a separate room; with all the vipers that lived in King's Landing, he wouldn't put it past anyone to try and hurt his squire. Egg was too young to worry about things like that on his own.

The whispers he's heard about Valarr and his inheritance of the throne tell him enough of this horrid place all the same. It's why he'd presented his plan to him this evening: that they could steal away with the crown prince in the night, and take him on the road where the only danger would be outlaws instead of his own small court. Were devils not easier dealt with when you saw them plain, instead of hidden behind finery and power?

"I haven't told Egg about any of this," Dunk says, looking back to where Valarr sits in his wheelchair by the hearth, "but I think you'd be safer away from here. And I know-- I know you were raised for this..." This meaning the crown and everything that came with it. "...but you're not truly happy here, are you?"

#sunsetelm #ss1 #track #/yeh gotta find his voice but i feel more confident than lyonel DX

Even though he's fully aware that his father had known the risks of fighting to defend Ser Duncan- the future king truly must have seen something remarkable in someone in such an impoverished position- he finds it's unfeasible to keep himself from resenting the man. Somehow, he blames the knight more than he does his own uncle for landing the blow. Despite how grateful he'd been to see his cousin in a time he'd grown so ill, seeing that man put a sour taste in his mouth.

It'd been strange cohabitating with someone he loved so dearly and another he loathed equally as much, but it was clear that even if he'd wanted them gone, they'd remain.

Despite his silent vow to ignore the hedge knight, Valarr's uncertain as to why he'd utter such an vulnerable statement in front of his cousin's keeper. But the words still came out, and the man seems to have some opinions of his own.

A stoic expression remained on his features, doing his best to seem unbothered by the man's existence, let alone input, but then he speaks of his safety and Valarr can't help but leer at him.

"Do you think me a coward?" the young prince snaps without a moment's hesitation. "My grandfather is likely on his death bed and my father is already gone, thanks to you. Are you telling me I should run? Because of- what? Whispers? There are always whispers regardless of who sits in the throne, and I-"

As the rage built up in his chest, so did the symptoms of his illness, sending him into a coughing fit.

Had he been thinking rationally, he'd know the knight is right. Valarr's grown far too sick to run Westeros, much less do something as simple as get up from his seat without the larger body aiding him, but it feels wrong to agree with someone he can't bring himself to forgive.

rtherpmeme

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴀʙʏ sᴇɴᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ!

PREGNANCY -

❝ We’re going to be parents! ❞ ❝ Did you feel him/her/them kick!? ❞ ❝ Do you want to feel the baby? ❞ ❝ I’m pregnant…and it’s yours. ❞ ❝ Do you think I’ll make a good mother/father? ❞ ❝ What are you hoping for? ❞ ❝ I feel so nauseous today… ❞ ❝ What should we name him/her/them? ❞ ❝ How many diapers do you think we’ll need? ❞ ❝ You’re crying over a puppy? ❞ ❝ Is just strawberry okay? They didn’t have strawberries and cream. ❞ ❝ I’ve read this book four times I’m basically an expert by now. ❞ ❝ Boy or girl? ❞ ❝ Wait, do we have everything on this list I found? ❞ ❝ Can you put the crib together? I’m so tired. ❞ ❝ This kid can come out anytime it’s ready. ❞ ❝ You’re glowing. ❞ ❝ How far along are you? ❞ ❝ Please don’t freak out…but I’m pregnant. I SAID DON’T FREAK OUT. ❞ ❝ Hospital. Now! ❞ ❝ I think that was a contraction… ❞ ❝ The due date’s not until next week! ❞

NEW BABY -

❝ S/He’s your kid before five in the morning. ❞ ❝ We need to go on a diaper run again. ❞ ❝ We’re out of formula–where’s the other can!? ❞ ❝ Ugh, s/he spit up on my good shirt! ❞ ❝ S/he won’t stop crying, I don’t know what to do. ❞ ❝ Please take him/her, I’m going to go crazy with the screaming. ❞ ❝ Is it even possible for a baby to scream so much!? ❞ ❝ Should they be breathing like that? ❞ ❝ I need to go check on the baby. ❞ ❝ If you never put him/her down you’ll spoil him/her. ❞ ❝ Daddy/Mommy’s little girl/boy! ❞ ❝ Good morning, little spawn of Satan! ❞ ❝ Shhh, they’re finally asleep. ❞ ❝ Dammit, I just got them to sleep! ❞ ❝ Be careful, s/he’s a hair puller…. ❞ ❝ Where’s the pacifier!? ❞ ❝ I can’t find his/her blanket, please help me. ❞ ❝ I’ve been up since four this morning, it’s your turn. ❞ ❝ I found you and the baby sleeping in the recliner at six am and it was so precious. ❞ ❝ Stroller, diaper bag, playpen, blanket, bottles, what else do we need before we go to your parents? ❞ ❝ A babysitter!? Are you insane!? ❞ ❝ You’re going to spoil them. ❞ ❝ We can’t go out with the baby, that’s just asking for trouble. ❞ ❝ Baby’s awake… ❞ ❝ S/he’s so precious…. ❞ ❝ This is our son/daughter…. ❞ ❝ We make damn beautiful babies. ❞ ❝ Look at his/her little feet… ❞ ❝ S/he has your eyes. ❞ ❝ Do not dress him/her in that! ❞ ❝ Be careful with him/her! ❞ ❝ Did you remember to pack his/her toy? ❞ ❝ His/her first tooth came in today. Already bit me.❞ ❝ Did you hear that? That was a cough.❞

CHILDREN -

❝ The kids won’t stop fighting. ❞ ❝ We should have another. ❞ ❝ Stop giving them dessert before dinner! ❞ ❝ You’re going to spoil them rotten… ❞ ❝ You need to learn not to fall for the puppy dog eyes. ❞ ❝ I just love them so much!? ❞ ❝ How are we going to break the news to them that they’re getting a brother/sister? ❞ ❝ Their screaming woke the baby… ❞ ❝ I’m a horrible mother/father… ❞ ❝ How can you make the baby hush and I can’t? ❞ ❝ Was that a word!? ❞ ❝ His/her first word better not be a damn cuss word! ❞ ❝ You look exhausted. ❞ ❝ First steps! First steps! ❞ ❝ Watch, s/he can roll over now! ❞ ❝ I don’t want anyone else watching our baby/children. ❞ ❝ They totally wanted to build the pillow fort, not me. ❞ ❝ Can you manage dropping them off? ❞ ❝ Damn terrible twos, right? ❞ ❝ How did they outgrow their clothes so fast!? ❞ ❝ I think we make damn good parents. ❞ ❝ Why are both you and the baby crying? ❞ ❝ Here, I’ll watch him/her, you go relax. ❞ ❝ I haven’t been able to put her/him down all morning/day/night. ❞ ❝ S/he doesn’t want me, s/he wants you! ❞ ❝ S/he just ran into the coffee table, don’t worry. ❞ ❝ Stop fighting with me in front of the kid/s! ❞ ❝ We shouldn’t have dressed the twins in matching outfits… ❞ ❝ Can I hold him/her? ❞ ❝ S/he has separation anxiety because you never put them down! ❞ ❝ My mother always hoped my kids would end up like me…I’m so sorry. ❞ ❝ I wouldn’t let them do ____, so they started crying. ❞ ❝ Oh, s/he’s just a little angel! ❞ ❝ Hello, little one! ❞ ❝ I can babysit if you’d like. ❞ ❝ Guess who broke your favorite ____. ❞ ❝ Finally got him/her/them to sleep. ❞ ❝ It’s your turn to put him/her/them to bed. ❞ ❝ I hate bath time. ❞ ❝ Can you help me with the kids for five goddamn minutes!? ❞ ❝ I think ____ is jealous of the baby. ❞ ❝ ___ just hit ___, can you do something!? ❞ ❝ Is locking kids in the basement against the law!? ❞ ❝ They’re cute when they’re quiet. ❞ ❝ Maybe taking them to the park will let out all their energy. ❞ ❝ _____ colored on the walls today… ❞ ❝ Look at the mess they made again… ❞